A couple of the boys came down and did some yard work for me- I had a ton of poison oak and ivy in the back yard, and Christion is immune to it (he claims it is because he is black and Native American), so he pulled that out and we got a bunch of other stuff done before dinner. Shawn and I get poison ivy and oak so bad that if it is within a country mile and gets weed-eated we would need to go to the ER. I spent four days in the med unit during Basic Training at Ft. Knox because I got poison ivy the day before we had to spend 24 hours in MOPP IV, in June, in Kentucky, with 90 degree heat and 275% humidity. Yay, steroids. The upside was that I briefly had a nine inch long and four inch wide penis. Sadly, it was too painful to touch.
At any rate, I found some cheap chicken cutlets and C. and I flattened them out and breaded them and deep fried them with a bunch of sides and a salad you don’t care about, and then worked on some frat stuff. We hammered a bunch of stuff out about how we are going to approach the alums, and generally got a lot of important stuff done.
I’ve decided I am the weirdest misanthrope ever. I generally, instinctively, hate other people until they give me a reason not to. I hate meeting new people. Having said that, I am perfectly content with a couple of friends over every night. As long as I am in my own house, it’s all good. And it works out well- we all have a division of labor- the frat boys know when they come over that they are doing the dishes when dinner is done, Christion and I do the cooking, Shawn handles the pets, others handle the music and take the trash out or deal with what not. It’s oddly communal, but at the same time I would not hesitate to kick anyone out if they disrupt the serenity. As it is now, everyone takes care of the things in their niche.
It is weird, though, to spend so much time with young men half your age. Weird in the sense that a lot of the time when I hear them talk, all I can think is “Man, I remember saying and doing stupid shit like that.” All I can think is “I thought the same stupid things and was just as confused at one point, but I got out of it because I had older guys who got me right.” I guess Shawn and I are doing the same thing, telling them “You’re wrong, and this is why.” Not that we have shit figured out, but we’re pretty stable and harmless guys when left alone.
At any rate, tonight’s education is I am making them watch Richard Pryor Live on the Sunset Strip. Why? Because they need to see it. That’s why.
jl
” As long as I am in my own house, it’s all good. And it works out well-we all have a division of labor ”
Misanthrope or neurotically fussy control freak? Hmm… just wondering.
Edit: being half Swiss-kraut and having been exposed to the madness, I always kind of expect the latter is present in my near or distant ethnic comrades.
aimai
You were born to be a den mother. That’s basically it.
RSA
You’re a good man, John Cole.
(A lot of kids seem to need an older person for advice when in college, even if they don’t realize it. Of course, I can say that only now, being older.)
Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name)
I am quite good at opening wine bottles, making martinis, and related tasks.
Tommy
Richard Pryor. LOL funny. I went to listen to your rant. Richard Pryor Live on the Sunset Strip. I am laughing out loud.
jl
@aimai:
” You were born to be a den mother. ”
Yes, Cole is a good and generous person, a real den mother, despite his self-neck-punching.
Ford Powers
What? Can I borrow your boys?
+
Same… I think that’s why I like it here :)
? Martin
I’m immune to it as well, and very far from either black or native american. My stepfather would break out in rashes just when the ivy would bloom and he’d be downwind from it. So my job as a kid was to continuously clear out the quarter acre of the stuff, and then shower like a maniac while he was out of the house.
I’m allergic to all kinds of other shit, but oddly not that stuff.
TaMara (BHF)
That’s funny, I spent the evening with a young friend, half my age, who just needs a good, older friend to reassure her she is on the right path and it’s okay not to have it all figured out at 20. I find I get as much out of our conversations as I think she does.
I think it’s just good to be reminded of what it was like to be that new to adulthood. Seeing everything as new and full of potential. I realize I still don’t have it all figured out and that’s okay, too. And that 20 year old energy is infectious. I’m inspired to look things from a fresh perspective.
YMMV.
NotMax
Can understand wanting to share it, but really, about as antique an artifact to them as recordings of Will Rogers playing the Follies would have been to you at that same age.
Felonius Monk
It’s always good to hear a calm report from Planet Cole.
max
At any rate, tonight’s education is I am making them watch Richard Pryor Live on the Sunset Strip.
Good choice!
As far as the poison ivy is concerned, like Martin, I am basically immune. I mean, if I get hip deep in it, basically roll in it, and cover myself in urushiol, it’ll be itchyish. Then it’ll fade.
They have some kind of vine here and when I rip it out (because it is annoying as fuck and kills everything) without gloves on, it makes the palm of my hand swell. Which is annoying, but it doesn’t hurt.
max
[‘So. There it is. Sorry for the extreme allergy.’]
BGinCHI
I grew up listening to Richard Pryor and he taught me a shitload about race and a lot of other things.
Also about swearing and swearing.
Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name)
@max: I’ve never had poison Ivy, but given my naturally pale soft skin, I have assumed I would react badly to it. As a result, I learned to identify it and its relatives and have avoided them. I have, however, been swarmed by hornets. I do not recommend it.
Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name)
@BGinCHI: And self-deprecating humor and swearing.
NotMax
@max
Poison ivy: some irritation, minor discomfort.
Poison oak: no experience.
Poison sumac: Triple red alert and Katy bar the door.
All pale in comparison to the single time received between 100 and 150 stings by bees.
BGinCHI
@Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name): If no other routine, how about “When your woman leaves you.”
I think about that one all the time. That shit is funny and accurate.
Burnspbesq
For anybody in SoCal who has never seen “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” on the big screen, there is a showing at 7:30 p.m. on Wednesday at the Regency Theater on Sunflower Ave. in Costa Meaa (across from South Coast Plaza).
I’ll be the chubby guy with a shaved head, goatee, and rimless glasses.
Keith P
Larry David did an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm that revolved around the Native American-poison ivy thing. I think that one also involved getting sexual advice from the guy, too. And then there was the matter of the inside-out condom (“All night, my friend. All…night.”)
cmorenc
@John Cole:
I’m afraid to ask for clarifying details on how poison ivy, steroids, and your hands led to a nine-inch long, four inch wide penis that turne out to be too painful to touch. It would even be worse than asking you too many details about nude mopping your house floors at night.
Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name)
@Burnspbesq:
Well, that should make you stand out from about 44% of the crowd.
? Martin
@Burnspbesq: I may try and make that.
jl
@cmorenc:
” a nine-inch long, four inch wide penis ”
May just be Cole’s way of letting us know he has been in the big leagues, than you very much.
David Koch
@Burnspbesq:
I knew it! I knew it! You’re in reality James Clapper.
jl
@cmorenc:
I didn’t know p e e n rrrr was still a forbidden word.
” a nine-inch long, four inch wide p * n * esss ”
May just be Cole’s way of letting us know he has been in the big leagues, than you very much.
Mnemosyne
I was finally able to get an appointment to see an allergist so I can find out what I’m allergic to and cut down on the number of migraines I get, but they made me go off Zyrtec for the week and — yep — fucking migraine tonight. Like fucking clockwork.
@Burnspbesq:
We’re going to see Blazing Saddles at the Autry Museum in Griffith Park thanks to Eat|See|Hear. The Big Lebowski was a lot of fun, though I got worried all the pot smokers were going to accidentally set the brush on fire.
The Dangerman
Obligatory shoutout to both Richard Pryor and Chevy Chase; best Saturday Night Live outside of Jeopardy or Mr. Robinson’s neighborhood….
Ruckus
@Mnemosyne:
Sounds lucky, Zertec does nothing to keep me from getting them. 3 last week, hope I don’t run out of zolmitripan soon.
Blazing Saddles in the park sounds grand.
Origuy
I hope Christion was still careful and washed thoroughly. You can lose the immunity with the wrong exposure. I have never gotten a reaction from urushiol (the active element in poison oak, ivy, etc.), and I get in contact with it regularly, but I know people who’ve gotten reactions after years of none.
Urushiol is named after the Japanese lacquer tree, in Japanese, urushi. The urushiol in this tree’s sap polymerizes to form lacquer. If urushiol-based lacquer isn’t prepared properly, very sensitive people can get a reaction from it.
max
@Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name): I’ve never had poison Ivy, but given my naturally pale soft skin, I have assumed I would react badly to it. As a result, I learned to identify it and its relatives and have avoided them.
I wound up trudging through so many creeks and along the shores of lakes in Texas that I never worried about, well, weeds. I tend to just go charging in there. Now, water moccasins, copperheads, and rattlesnakes – those I was always keeping watch out for.
I have, however, been swarmed by hornets. I do not recommend it.
Hornets are a fucking pain. Wasps/yellowjackets are pretty easy to avoid, but fucking hornets will go after you. Definitely not recommended.
@NotMax:All pale in comparison to the single time received between 100 and 150 stings by bees.
Never had that problem. Bees never bothered me. Now, getting 50, 60 chigger bites on the legs, that was a bitch. And fire ants. Fire ants suck.
max
[‘But fire ants are easy to avoid.’]
NotMax
@max
One lone centipede bite is astonishingly tormenting.
poptartacus
my dog has a hot spot, we’ve been at def con 4 for a year over this. Vet says cone of shame wont work. she will just go back to worrying it. done the dinovite, lavender oil, shes on major pain meds. anyone got anything?
Thank you in advance
Cain
@Origuy:
My skin is super sensitive, anything can set it off. Consequently, my skin is full of scabs and what not. Clear skin, I do not have at least on my legs and arms. Oh well. But I’ve gotten breakouts on something that seems to have grazed me. I dont think it was poison *, I think it was some other plant and it sucks.
p
Do not fuck around with poison ivy. People who are immune will eventually become susceptible with sufficient exposure. So if you are immune, make sure to wear heavy vinyl work gloves while your are touching that stuff. And poison “Oak” and “Sumac” are much, much worse. (I’m talking military-grade contact poison.)
? Martin
@NotMax: Black widow was the worst for me. Not looking forward to doing that a 2nd time.
John M. Burt
@NotMax: I think listening to Richard Pryor and Will Rogers would give you a pretty good grounding in 20th Century history. Then you can add Mark Twain for the 19th Century.
But don’t listen to me, I’m a bad influence on kids. My own kids know the words to Der Fuhrer’s Face….
Kris Collins
@NotMax: Sorry, but that’s just silly. When was the last time you actually listened to Richard Pryor’s stuff from the 60s and 70s? It is still incredibly fresh, innovative, and hysterically funny. And BTW, I thought Will Rogers was pretty funny when I first heard his stuff when I was a kid, still think it’s pretty funny. Smart is smart, smart humor is smart humor.
NotMax
@Kris Collins
In what possible way is it silly to point out that the time between Rogers’ heyday and Pryor’s is about the same as that between Pryor’s heyday and today?
David Marotta
They also have to see Richard Pryor “Live in Concert”, his first stand-up film and IMHO his best. (Ah, Richard, please get the monkey’s dick out of my ear…)
David Marotta
They also have to see Richard Pryor “Live in Concert”, his first stand-up film and IMHO his best. (Ah, Richard, please get the monkey’s dick out of my ear…)
David Marotta
They also have to see Richard Pryor “Live in Concert”, his first stand-up film and IMHO his best. (Ah, Richard, please get the monkey’s dick out of my ear…)
David Marotta
They also have to see Richard Pryor “Live in Concert”, his first stand-up film and IMHO his best. (Ah, Richard, please get the monkey’s dick out of my ear…)
David Marotta
They also have to see Richard Pryor “Live in Concert”, his first stand-up film and IMHO his best. (Ah, Richard, please get the monkey’s dick out of my ear…)
David Marotta
They also have to see Richard Pryor “Live in Concert”, his first stand-up film and IMHO his best. (Ah, Richard, please get the monkey’s dick out of my ear…)
David Marotta
They also have to see Richard Pryor “Live in Concert”, his first stand-up film and IMHO his best. (Ah, Richard, please get the monkey’s dick out of my ear…)
David Marotta
They also have to see Richard Pryor “Live in Concert”, his first stand-up film and IMHO his best. (Ah, Richard, please get the monkey’s dick out of my ear…)
David Marotta
They also have to see Richard Pryor “Live in Concert”, his first stand-up film and IMHO his best. (Ah, Richard, please get the monkey’s dick out of my ear…)
David Marotta
They also have to see Richard Pryor “Live in Concert”, his first stand-up film and IMHO his best. (Ah, Richard, please get the monkey’s dick out of my ear…)
Josie
@poptartacus: My son’s pug had a bad one on her head and, in desperation, I started putting the diaper rash ointment Desitin on it. It took a long time, but it worked. The Desitin is so thick that it can’t be wiped or licked off, and there are some healing agents in it that work well. Smells fishy (cod liver oil) but effective.
jayjaybear
Cashews also contain urushiol. Raw cashews can make sensitive people react the same way that poison ivy/oak/sumac do. All commercial cashews are roasted or steamed to cook off the urushiol. Be careful of “organic” cashews or locally grown (if you live in a place where they actually grow). Internal urushiol reactions sound very, very painful.
Sherparick
Speaking of misanthopes, Billmon at “No More Mister Nice Blog” wins the internet today with this: http://nomoremister.blogspot.com/2014/06/do-you-really-want-to-go-there-tucker.html#links
jharp
Those who are not allegoric to poison ivy beware. That could change tomorrow.
And I had no idea that poison oak was east of the Mississippi. I always thought it was plant of the west.
Did once run into poison sumac though.
taylormattd
o.O
Mnemosyne
@Ruckus:
Zyrtec doesn’t really do much, but the Nasonex definitely helped prevent migraines. I haven’t been using it, though, because I would really like to know what the hell it is I’m allergic to year-round before I put more steroids in my nose.
ETA: The misery of going without the Zyrtec is that now I have a constant cough and post-nasal drip that’s driving me insane.
Paul in KY
@? Martin: I am also immune to poison ivy. Can roll around in it, etc. (have never tried to eat it) & no problems whatsoever.
Paul in KY
@NotMax: Richard’s a lot funnier than Will. I think if Will had listened to that recording, he’d agree.
poptaracus
Im withdrawing my thank you
you people anit worth a fuck