If it’s August, it’s time for media bombast and noisy reboots. Per Jim Newell at Salon:
… The main reason so many of these jokers — Perry, Cruz, Santorum, Huckabee and Bobby Jindal — will be in Iowa next Saturday is for the big Family Leadership Summit in Ames, where they will all give speeches. The event, which the Des Moines Register dubs “the first big cattle-call event of the cycle,” is an opportunity to kiss the ring of Bob Vander Plaats, the generally awful head of the Family Leader organization and self-christened gatekeeper to Iowa’s social conservative votes. Expect some choice (depressing) quotes as these potential presidential candidates try to outdo each other for the SoCons’ hearts next weekend.
The Iowa caucuses make it great to be an Iowa Republican politician for the next 17 months. If you’re in the state’s GOP House delegation, you’ll get whatever you want from Congress; if you’re Senate candidate Joni Ernst, the national party’s best fundraisers will flock to whatever small-town barbecue or diner you’re at to keep your campaign coffers full. (Rubio’s PAC alone has given hundreds of thousands of dollars to Ernst.)…
(Time to mount an ActBlue page for Ernst’s Democratic opponent, Bruce Braley?)
Newell mentions that Iowa totally screwed up its 2012 caucus — giving Romney a narrow victory, only to announce some weeks later that Rick Santorum was the actual winner. (My own cynical interjection: Hey, it could have been an accident, leaving aside Willard’s millions in political love-gifts. Accidents will happen, and it’s surprising how often they favor the candidate with the biggest wallet!) Newell also points out that, in a post-Citizens United race, even a genuine blow-out in Iowa & New Hampshire doesn’t winnow the field, since one deep-pocketed sponsor can keep a vanity candidate in the race no matter what the primary voters choose…
Paul Constant, at Seattle’s Stranger, highlights the U.S. News & World Report‘s rationale for this early spate of Heartland(tm) fervor: “In order to pull the trigger on a bid in early 2015, these hopefuls need to lock down organizational assistance by the end of 2014. The artificial deadline to form a skeleton team looms only a few months away.”
Constant adds:
… What is surprising is the complete lack of Jeb Bush on that list. Does Bush believe he can swan in as a frontrunner when the time comes? Or is he not running?
Also surprising? The candidate who has spent the most time in Iowa over the last year. It’s not Rick Santorum, who basically lived in Iowa for the year before the 2012 elections. It’s Ted Cruz. And the candidates who are spending the most time in Iowa this month? Rick Perry and Rand Paul…
***********
Apart from rolling our eyes (and checking our wallets), what’s on the agenda for the evening?
Hal
James Brady has died. I’ve said before that I have lost respect for some people over their all guns, all the the time. It’s too bad this country continues too embrace guns as a solution to all of our countries problems.
PsiFighter37
Spent after a long weekend on my bachelor party in Santa Monica / Los Angeles. Got out of work a bit late today…could’ve gone for a run, decided it was probably a better idea to relax. Going to probably head to be early tonight to make up for the lack of proper sober sleep over the past several days.
Violet
Texas Senator and Texas Governor. Two out of three. I cannot imagine Rick Perry winning anything outside of Texas and the south. He’s such a dumbass.
dmsilev
Between his family name, his support for immigration reform, and his support for Common Core, Jeb isn’t exactly well-primed to win a Republican primary. I’m going with ‘not running’.
Older
Eric Garner’s death ruled a homicide. Good! I didn’t even know the man, but I miss him. Since I saw the picture of him giving his bitty baby a bottle of milk.
lamh36
Possible Female superheros …Spider Woman, Silver Sable and Black Cat are all options. The female heroine will be added to the Spiderman Universe.
SiubhanDuinne
@PsiFighter37:
When’s the wedding?
PsiFighter37
@SiubhanDuinne: A little under 6 weeks to go…will be happy when it’s over, mainly because of the stress. We’re also moving (unexpectedly) the same week we are getting married, just to keep things even more exciting.
Patricia Kayden
None of the Clowns will win so we can point and laugh. Heartily.
Belafon
@PsiFighter37: You should go ahead and switch jobs while you’re at it.
Mustang Bobby
Watching the Tigers lose to the damn Yankees, so going to bed early.
Jeb Bush probably won’t run, not wanting to lose to the likes of Cruz or Perry. I don’t think he’s interested in wasting what’s left of his political capital on a turd hunt. He’ll probably wait to run against Hillary’s second term if he runs at all. Life’s too good in Coral Gables to give it up for humiliation.
Suffern ACE
@Belafon: and try to acclimate two adopted cats.
BillinGlendaleCA
@PsiFighter37: Though planned, we did pretty much the same thing. We were selling my mom’s house to a difficult buyer, buying our house, and getting married. We moved into the new house a month after the wedding and closed on my mom’s place a month later. Oh, and my wife had had gallbadder surgery 8 months earlier.
J R in WV
@efgoldman:
EF,l
I disagree, FSM must love us or there wouldn’t be a Tea-Party. The tea-Baggers are a true gift from the Gods of the Milky Way. Without the T-Baggers we might have President Williard, for FSM’s sake!!!
Granted, it doesn’t feel like a gift from the gods of politics to have crazy reich-wngers all the time, but when the pedal hits the metal, the crazy Tea-Baggers are a gift from the pagan gods.
Really!!!
Suffern ACE
@BillinGlendaleCA: a month before my parent’s wedding my dad managed to flip over a pick up truck and broke his arm and collar bone. At my mom’s wedding shower, some bratty kid thought it would be funny to step on my mom’s foot with a crutch-which resulted in a life threatening blood clot and a three week hospital stay-minus 8 hours out to get married (while seated) and then retuned to the hospital.
We’re kind of a show must go on family, but no one is looking too spectacular in the wedding photos.
Mike in NC
I look forward to reading about how Mitt Rmoney suddenly shows up in Ames, Iowa to gladhand the rubes and get pig shit all over his handmade $3000 Italian loafers.
PsiFighter37
@BillinGlendaleCA: At least you got the wedding out of the way first! We are moving 3-5 days before the wedding…
cckids
@PsiFighter37:
@Belafon:
Get a puppy that week too. Or two, even. Don’t want to get bored :)
Seriously, best wishes to you. For 15 years, I designed & made wedding dresses, and stress? Holy God, the stress on the couples is unreal. Mostly caused by their moms.
SiubhanDuinne
@PsiFighter37:
Yeah, these things are not supposed to be simple.
(Here’s some help if needed.)
Schlemizel
If I were Jebbie I would play a waiting game (well, what I would really do involves 50 lbs of c4 & Thanksgiving dinner with the family). No matter which of those other jerkoffs takes a lead the majority of primary voters/caucus goers will be against that person, none more so than the big money boys. Jebbie will be unbruised and toting a fat wallet. He can offer the VP slot to one of the also-ran klowns in exchange for extra delegates if need be. It could work.
Not saying that is what his thinking is or that he could pull it off but it would be the smart way to play it given the loonytoon field.
raven
Fishing all day on Edisto and not catching much was better than the news.
Iowa Old Lady
@Mike in NC: I hate having all these slimy clowns hanging around. At any moment, one of them could jump out of the Casey’s General Store and try to shake your hand.
I’m getting lots of phone survey calls too. Neither Mr IOL or I ever agree to answer the questions.
Villago Delenda Est
The chicken fucking that’s going on in Iowa makes the entire porno industry in the San Fernando valley look like very small potatoes indeed.
Karen in GA
@PsiFighter37: Congrats!
We went back to NY for our wedding. My husband’s parents were selling their house in NJ within days of our wedding, and moving to GA to be closer to my husband. They were shocked when they found out my husband was spending the days after the wedding on his honeymoon instead of helping them pack and move.
On a happier note, Iggy pays the price for burning stuff.
Dog On Porch
I still tend to view Iowans through the prism of this quadrennially weird GOP beauty/beast contest, which I know is unfair. I know, because I made a snide crack about it 30 years ago to a [insert nickname for native Iowan], and can well recall how insulted he was at that bit of slander. He made a point to explain just why he was, you see.
Suffern ACE
@Iowa Old Lady: it’s your own political dignitaries who force you through this. I’m surprised Iowans don’t just form third and fourth parties to be rid of the panderers once and for all.
BillinGlendaleCA
@PsiFighter37: Yes, but we had a couple of months dealing with the “buyer from hell” prior to the wedding.
Schlemizel
@cckids:
The whole business has gotten out of hand as the princess-perfect-fairytale fantasy eats brain cells and turns normal people into rage zombies.
Co-worker was at a relatives wedding this weekend & bride used his two daughters (5 & 3) as flower girls. The 3 YO did not want any part of the outfit, the basket of flowers or the whole ceremony. The bride is now PO’ed at them. Listen douche, if you want a ‘perfect’ wedding do not involve 3 YOs in the ceremony! If you want that cutesy shit then be prepared for them to act like a 3 year old.
Iowa Old Lady
@efgoldman: It’s tempting, but not tempting enough. We get so many calls, and from here on in, it will get worse.
Iowa Old Lady
@Suffern ACE: It’s our version of the tourist dollar.
BillinGlendaleCA
@Villago Delenda Est: To be fair, the primary industry of the San Fernando Valley isn’t doing so well right now. It does lower the bar a bit.
Schlemizel
@efgoldman:
My thought exactly! I would be answering questions in the way I thought would cause the most distress for the goppers!
NotMax
Perhaps Ernst can castrate the lot of them to demonstrate her bona fides?
Iowa Old Lady
@NotMax: There you go!
David Koch
Bill Clinton delivered the eulogy for Richard Mellon Scaife.
You know Scaife, the guy who owned Newsmax , the guy who poured millions into saying Hillary killed Vince Foster.
That’s the guy the Clintons consider a “friend”.
Where are the dead-end Clinton supporters now?
Comrade Dread
What the blazes is that name even supposed to mean?
That families should lead us? That our leaders should lead families? That families should all show up and talk about leadership? That because a group slaps the word ‘family’ (and families are ideally a good thing) into its name and events that we should magically pay homage to them and their ideology and run the country accordingly? Or that if you stand against their civil goals that you must hate families?
Thanks all the same, guys, but I’m really not interested in buying that bridge.
S
Anne Laurie
@Schlemizel:
I still remember the wedding (not ours) where the four-year-old niece begged to be a flower girl. She loved her outfit, she practiced her petal-tossing skills, she was a star at the rehearsal. Then, when it was her Time to Shine… panic.
Us attendees watched Flower Girl’s very pregnant momma waddle down the aisle, with the gauze overlay of her dress draped over an (extra) bump from which a three-year-old hand occasionally emerged to dump a sweaty wad of crushed petals in the aisle…
Flower Girl did, however, do her best to entertain every single table at the banquet afterwards, twirling & flirting & showing off her lovely adorable outfit.
For some reason, the wedding photographer didn’t offer any “witness protection flower girl” processional stills afterwards — yes, several of the happy couple’s friends asked :)
Schlemizel
Its code, the key to unlocking the code is to replace “family” with “fascist”
Fascist Research Council
Fascist Leadership Summit
Fascist Life Center
It has not failed so far
Yatsuno
@Villago Delenda Est: What did the poor poultry of Iowa ever do to deserve this???
GregB
I am watching some of the bitter political attacks that occurred at Fancy Farm in Kentucky.
Is that the famous sweet Southern hospitality we always get beaten over the head about?
Sheesh.
Comrade Dread
@efgoldman: When I get a poll, I usually ask them if they’re interested in coming down to the local Scientology center to take a free personality test.
They’ve stopped calling.
Schlemizel
@Anne Laurie:
If the participants are OK with that happening thats fine but we have been to a couple where the wedding party got all upset that pre-schoolers did not enjoy the uncomfortable clothes, standing around while boring people talk and may not be able to remember and follow directions to military precision.
Its not the kids fault its adults with unrealistic expectations.
Dog On Porch
@David Koch: Clinton also eulogized Nixon, saying “He taught me how to be an American”.
Nixon!
lamh36
Schlemizel
@Dog On Porch:
I understand how a president is sort of forced into some sort of eulogy for another president and can’t be too blunt. I am not sure what I would have said but I could have thought of something better than that for Nixon. Maybe he was secretly being sarcastic!
But this Scaife thing makes no sense. Its almost as if the Stone Cutters really is a real group & the Clinton’s have been indicted.
Who controls the British crown?
Who keeps the metric system down?
We do.
We do.
El Caganer
The Cruzer might as well hang it up (other than for pure grifting purposes, natch) – the fix is in. Watch Brian Schweitzer announce that the Democratic Party has left him, and, after an agonizing re-appraisal, he has decided to become a Republican and run for President to give this country the White, Second-Amendment Leadership it so sorely needs and desperately craves. Take it to the bank.
El Caganer
@Dog On Porch: I guess that sort of depends on what one considers “being an American” consists of.
Mike in NC
“Dollar” Bill Clinton; he never disappoints. Can’t freakin’ wait for 2016, when we all get to relive the sordid 1990s.
Mnemosyne
@BillinGlendaleCA:
I had knee surgery three months before our wedding. I was off crutches by the time the big day rolled around, but there are photos of me showing off my knee brace at the reception.
@cckids:
At a long-ago job, one of the women we worked with announced that she and her boyfriend were going to be moving to New York because he had gotten a new job. When someone questioned moving cross-country to be with a boyfriend, the woman said it was okay, they had quietly gotten married in Vegas the weekend before. Because they had found out she was pregnant.
Cervantes
@Schlemizel:
What did Scaife have that the Clinton Foundation wanted?
Another Holocene Human (now with new computer)
@David Koch: Clinton milked that rich stupid asshole for a lot of money in his last days. Come on now, Clinton has a lot to be grateful to the old man for, and he’s hoping whoever controls what is left of Scaife’s money now will continue the “good work”.
I understand that Clinton runs some foundations that do some mumble mumble good deeds for deserving photogenic brown children somewhere something. He’s living pretty well off that and speaking fees.
Another Holocene Human (now with new computer)
@lamh36: youtube wouldn’t let me comment but that tweet is hilar and Erika is so brave and gets all the upfists. I have talked to some douchebag pols and Steve King is showing himself to be right up there if not worse. What a racist bag of dicks, “You speak English… You’re not one of them.” Fuck you crypto-fascist Steve King.
Paul in KY
@David Koch: That’s downright freaky. Shows how the elites are different from you & I.
Patricia Kayden
@David Koch: I was shocked when I saw this on Rachel Maddow’s show too. Speechless.
Steve W
Speaking of Ted Cruz, one has to wonder if he (or his family) has been planted as a Castro sleeper cell that is now activated to disrupt U.S. politics. Think it about, Cruz has totally disrupted the American political scene, Castro must be proud.
low-tech cyclist
@dmsilev:
Me too. I’ve never really believed he’s going for it; he doesn’t act like someone who is all that interested in running.
And the world’s changed too much since he last ran for office in 2002, especially on the GOP side. He’s awful enough in the usual pro-business, anti-people GOP sort of way, that having him as President would be a bad thing, but that isn’t enough anymore to win the Republican nomination. He doesn’t speak wingnut worth a damn, and that would kill him right there.
Dog On Porch
@Schlemizel: “Maybe he was secretly being sarcastic!”. That actually crossed my mind at the time. Sorry to say I was disabused of that notion by the end of his presidency.