I’m trying to be pleasant to people because you all said I should be nicer and people will be nicer, so when I was ordering some gut bomb wings over the phone, this happened:
Employee: What would you like?
Me: One order of medium wings, two orders of hot, extra celery.
Employee: Are you a frequent diner?
Me: Yes. I often have 3-4 small meals a day, and that’s not even including snacks!
Employee: {SILENCE}
Employee: {MORE SILENCE}
Employee: It will be ready in 20 minutes.
It’s the first time I could actually feel contempt over the phone when no one was talking. At any rate, Shawn’s buddy from Maryland is here for the weekend, so I figured we do some wings and then grill tomorrow.
PhoenixRising
…oh dear.
Apparently there’s a Wings and Cholesterol Club at this “restaurant”, and you could join. Probably offers a Groupon for stent insertion, though, so maybe you’re not missing anything.
Roger Moore
Deserved contempt.
Jebediah, RBG
That’s pretty funny – but employee is kind of a dick. “I’m sorry, sir, I meant do you order from us frequently?” or “Ha! Good one!”
I’m thinking employee doesn’t have the nimblest mind in all of WV.
Elizabelle
I love the silence, extended.
Meanwhile, there’s a 33-pound cat in SoCal (Costa Mesa) that needs to lose some weight to be adoptable. They think this cat would look better at 15 pounds.
“Little Dude” might disagree.
Mnemosyne
Reminder that TCM Pre-Code Fridays started TODAY (sorry, East Coasters!). I will write about either Night Nurse or The Divorcee at my blog this weekend (link in my nym above).
Elizabelle
Looking at that exchange again, you missed an opportunity to tell her about your bowel habits.
cathyx
I don’t know why he didn’t laugh. That was funny.
Avery Greynold
Employee: “Would you like fries with that?”
Me: “Well did I ASK for fries with that?”
Employee: “I’m sorry sir, but they make us ask and we don’t enjoy doing it either.”
Me: {ashamed silence}
Bill E Pilgrim
I was trying to figure out what “two orders of hot, extra celery” could possibly be referring to until I parsed the sentence correctly by working backwards.
Kind of disappointing, I thought maybe extra celery was like extra virgin olive oil, some regional dish I’d never heard of. Oh well.
WaterGirl
Cole, I thought that was really funny! Laugh out loud funny. Do not give up because the first person on the receiving end had no sense of humor.
Had i been on the other end of the phone, we would have had a good chuckle and I wouldn’t have charged you for the extra celery.
P.S. I used to organize a volleyball park district team and we had to split the cost of something. I don’t recall the amount, but it was something really obvious, let’s just say 120.00 divided by 6 people. I was in a silly mood so I said, okay, let’s see, 6 into 12 is two and then I have to add the zero… and the new team member who wasn’t familiar with my sense of humor shouted: ” it’s 20! It’s 20! We all owe 20 dollars” and then looked at me like I was an idiot.
Olivia
@cathyx: It was the perfect answer. I am positive that he didn’t laugh because he was totally expecting a yes or no answer and he was taken by surprise. Also he probably didn’t get it.
WaterGirl
@Elizabelle: Holy crap, that’s not fat, that’s FAT. That’s sad.
I hope he gets a good home.
Keith G
@Jebediah, RBG:
Well, what passes as a bell curve in WV looks suspiciously like a straight line.
cathyx
@Olivia: I work in retail, some customers are awesome, and some just aren’t. I like to fling the funny and some just don’t get it. If a customer flings the funny, I’m all over it. I guess not everyone has a sense of humor.
raven
Picked up Bohdi from his tooth extraction. Dogs coming out of anesthesia are pretty funny. He was wobbly but still wanted to get in the front seat. Every now and then he lets out a little whine but, besides that, he seems fine. I’m really bummed that the marrow bone days are over, it seemed like a good idea but it wasn’t.
raven
@WaterGirl: When I ran the UPD softball program we had 180 teams!
WaterGirl
@raven: And there’s the answer to my question of how he broke his tooth. Poor baby. Give him an extra snuggle from me.
Edit: i have seen the wobbly walk before, so I know exactly what you mean. So much heart.
WaterGirl
@raven: You must have been doing a good job to have that many teams participate! I can’t remember… did you do all the sports or just softball? I wonder if we talked. When were you there?
raven
@WaterGirl: I’m in deep shit with his mommy, she always thought the bones were a bad idea.
eta As far as softball, Champaign had an equal number in those days (30 years ago). For all intents it is a dead sport now. It’s funny, I was hired at the UPD after having played on the most notorious hippie team they had ever seen. The locals hated us, especially the union teams. I got hired to clean up the program and did a pretty decent job at that but I wasn’t popular until I left. The woman that replaced me was pretty tough too. She was an Urbana firefighter and is now a fire chief in the Tucson area.
jayboat
@Keith G:
lol- simple truths
WaterGirl
@raven: Yeah, it’s always worse when you knew better and didn’t do anything about it and something bad happens. Bummed for all of you. Are you going to have to get a paper route to cover the other 20%?
When my dogs would old and start to cost a lot of money (pre-insurance) I would often threaten that they were going to have to get a paper route to cover the costs.
Edit: I am beginning to wonder if everyone else from BJ has been raptured and we have been left behind.
JPL
@Elizabelle: The family couldn’t afford to keep the cat because the apartment wanted a deposit for pets. It seems that the deposit would be less than the food they were feeding him. The cat developed pneumonia so hopefully, the antibiotics work their magic.
Mike in NC
This morning we went to a local cat breeder who’s retiring to pick up a kitten for some out-of-state friends. Came home with a precious four month old female Ragdoll who we’ve already fallen in love with. (Breeders in NoVA charge twice as much money.) Our two Ragdoll boys accepted her in the house in about five minutes. I guess we’ll be totally heartbroken by the time they come to take her home on Sunday.
OTOH, she has very sharp claws and has been giving our carpets, sofa, and ottoman a real workout.
raven
@WaterGirl: It was $450 and they are covering $340 so we’re cool. Of course it doesn’t cover the “wellness exam” that uncovered the tooth.
I would hope people have something better to do on Friday night!
Aunt Kathy
First, that was really funny.
Second, those who work any sort of retail (food,whatever) generally work close to min wage, and have tired feet and brains. Unfortunately, clever repartee is NOT always appreciated when your feet hurt.
Next time you’re in a check-out line and something doesn’t scan, make sure you say, “Well, heh, heh, I guess it’s free today!” They llooove that. That one never bothered me, though. I just said, “Sorry, bub, I’m gonna have to charge ya double for m’ trouble.” It all seemed to work out.
JPL
Did anyone watch the Caroline Wozniacki / Peng Shuai match today? If so, what did you think about the way they handled Shuai’s heat related problem?
Nellie in NZ
I tried to order a pizza last night from Hell’s Pizza (NZ brand – is it in the States too?). I did what I usually do – I get the Creator, which allows for “up to eight toppings.” But I use the extra topping to get a thick mushroom, thick onion, extra cheese pizza (otherwise, not on the menu).
I’ve been doing this all the years I’ve lived here. I say I want two toppings of mushroom and two toppings of onion and two toppings of cheese.
So the guy on the phone won’t let me. Eight toppings doesn’t mean that, he tells me.
So I start slowly. I want one topping of mushrooms. One topping of onions. One topping of cheese. One topping of mushrooms…No,he catches on. I’m breaking some rule, apparently. I’m not the Creator after all.
I hang up.
I’m eating pizza out of the frozen food section at the market.
WaterGirl
@raven: Well, I guess that’s my cue to leave. :: storms out ::
okay, not really. I was just looking at one of those bones at the pet store yesterday. Perhaps I won’t go back and get it.
Dog On Porch
Fool. “frequent diner” probably entitled you to a discount. You should have said yes, and pled ignorance about why you weren’t on the list. Ignorance and indignation may have even scored you two free meals. You’re a southerner. You know what I mean.
Jebediah, RBG
@Aunt Kathy:
Well, jokes are always funniest the four hundred thousandth time…
raven
@WaterGirl: Oh, were cool!
I was giving them raw marrow bones. I started getting them at the farmer’s market and then found them at Publix. I’d steer clear if I were you.
raven
Rachel is responding to Morning Joe’s bullshit about McDonnell being unfairly targeted. She hasn’t said his name but it’s pretty obvious.
gogol's wife
@Mnemosyne:
Just finished Baby Face. Stanwyck is a goddess. I’m glad they have Alec Baldwin on, even if he’s being vacuous.
raven
@gogol’s wife: I DVR’d it.
gogol's wife
@raven:
This is the third time I’ve seen it, and this time I noticed how great the music is. Theresa Harris singing “St. Louis Blues . . . ” plus lots more.
lamh36
Tomorrow is Maddie’s first day of dance class. I wanted to be there, but I have a continuing education seminar I have to go to for my state licensure.
Still, I’ll def be taking her to classes from now on. If they allow parents to stay and observe, then I want to be there.
beer time somewhere
For shit and giggles, when they ask for my phone number, I give 4 numbers then three.
9876-654. Always get a silence followed by a “pardon me”.
raven
@gogol’s wife: Cool, we watched the Blue Dahlia the other night. Dopey plot but pretty good screenplay by Chandler. I guess he hated Veronica.
Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN)
@Keith G: It’s not the zero second derivative that’s the problem; it’s the negative first derivative.
Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN)
Maybe this thread will last longer than the first one I tried. (Maybe I should avoid Friday nights . . .)
As most of you know, I am planning a Kickstarter campaign in order to be able to fund my novel. I have a list of expenses I will be trying to cover; it’s a best case scenario list and the actual goal will almost certainly be lower than this. I have an editor I want to work with. Paying her to help me make it the best story it can be is the most important part. After that I will be looking to pay for the costs of publishing an ebook edition. The final steps would be doing marketing and producing a print edition and to what extent either happens would depend upon how much I raise.
At this point, I’m trying to get a sense of how much I’ll be able to raise from my already existing network and you lucky duckies qualify. So I would appreciate hearing from those who would like to participate and how much they might contribute. The rule of thumb seems to be that you should raise 25-30% of your goal from your existing network and so this will help me to determine what a reasonable goal is.
I’m including an itemized list of how much I am anticipating needing for each item, as well as a list of rewards that will go to those who contribute at various levels. And I’m attaching the current version of the book’s prologue and first chapter so that you can get a sense of what it is like.
Expenses:
Editing: $4,500
Cover: $750
ISBN and Barcode: $250
Layout: $2,500
Proofreading: $500
Ebook conversion: $150
Kirkus Review: $500
Other Marketing: $1,000
Consulting: $1,000
Additional Costs for a Print Edition: $1,800
Rewards:
$15 Copy of the ebook
$25 Above, plus mention in acknowledgements
$40 Above, plus copy of any print version
$75 Above, plus signed copy of any print version; if there is no print version, I will mail you a signed .pdf copy
$125 Above, plus go to a hockey game with the author: pick any 2014-15 or 2015-16 University of Minnesota women’s hockey home regular season game, or road game in the following cities: Mankato, St Cloud, Duluth, Bemidji or Grand Forks. I will arrange the tickets and meet you for meal before the game. Inquire about the possibility of meeting for games in Columbus or Madison.
$200 Above, plus a digital copy of the current draft and a file of additional scenes once the novel is done.
$500 Above, plus name a character in the novel. There are four characters whose names are set in stone (as are the last names of their relatives), but you may pick a name for any of the others. The author reserves the right to veto any inappropriate names.
The blurb for the novel is:
The Other Chuck
@Keith G:
As do the family trees.
Helen
@Nellie in NZ:
I LOVE that story.
rea
The problm with jokes like this is that they are funny to us but to the guy taking the orders . . . well, he’s heard this a few thousand times. Rather like the time I was interviewing for a job with Ferris State University–I should not have told the committee of my long-time ambition to be a big wheel at Ferris State.
Diana
I’m assuming Steve woke up so that Shawn is now capable of moving around without disturbing the cat.
Baud
Who said that? That’s so wrong.
Tenar Darell
Just finished watching Warren on Moyers’ show. Worth seeing.
On a completely unrelated but geeky note, looks like Rovio’s developers aren’t paying any attention to tropes vs. women at all. They’ve made a new Angry Bird called Stella who is pink with big blue eyes.
Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN)
If anyone is interested, here is the Prologue and the first chapter.
raven
@Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN): Might I suggest you put forth some mechanism other than an interested person posting their response here?
MattR
@beer time somewhere: Kevin James would hate you :)
Gin & Tonic
@efgoldman: Soon as I read the pizza story I knew somedy’d come up with Jack.
Baud
@efgoldman:
Yeah. Fuck that guy.
Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN)
@raven: Good idea. You can let me know at eeyore1968 [at] melancholy [dash] donkey [dot] com.
I would appreciate any help people can give. This means a lot to me.
JustRuss
Perhaps, but when are you going to get a chance to use that again? I think you did the right thing, but then my judgement is questionable….
WereBear
@gogol’s wife: I’ve always liked that one. Then again, I’m a HUGE Stanwyck fan.
Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN)
@efgoldman: God, I need that to happen because it’s so hard to pretend that I like you people.
Also, if anyone wants an outside opinion of the book, you can ask Schlemizel when he shows up, because he’s read it.
raven
@Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN): That is one wild ass email addy!
cathyx
As long as we’re selling stuff here, I have a mr coffee coffee maker for sale, $10.00 and an slightly used mattress for $150.
beer time somewhere
@MattR: Forgot about him doing that bit.
LOL
Edit. can’t spell
Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN)
@JustRuss: He did the right thing. Who wants to live in Big Rapids?
Gin & Tonic
@efgoldman: Um, so did I. And I’m not as old as you.
Pogonip
@Avery Greynold: This also happens a lot when placing catalog orders.
Phone slave: Now, Ms. Pogonip-/
[I hate being called Ms.]
–many of our customers who order the custom widget are also interested in the left-handed fish scaler, may I add one of those to your order?
Me: No, thank you.
Slave: And I’d like to point out that our exclusive mifflewhickie is on sale this week, would you like to add one to your order while it’s 29% off?
Me: No, thank you.
Slave: And finally, Ms. Pogonip-/
[yargh]
–since you’re one of our best customers, I’m authorized to offer you 20% off any additional item…
And on and on and on. But please don’t yell at the phone slave, who doesn’t like it any more than you do. Save your wrath for the MBA who was paid obscene amounts of money to create this tedious ritual.
And a shout-out to the The Country Door company, which simply took my order the other day and filled it quickly and correctly. Buy your next mifflewhickie from them.
Baud
How pissed are the GOP and the MSM right now. American military plane forced to land in Iran, and they’re already coming home before the outrage machine could get moving.
Haha.
gogol's wife
@WereBear:
Me too. But I must admit, I’m finding it hard to get through the new gigantic (half-)biography of her. It’s full of fascinating details, but it needed an editor, big time.
WereBear
@Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN): I’d be in for $25. And I really like your incentive structure!
Iowa Old Lady
@Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN): I read the stuff you linked to just now, and I thought it was well done. For what that’s worth.
raven
@cathyx: douche
NotMax
@Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN)
Never heard back from you re: proofing/editing.
Speaking of which, a hyphen omitted above. It’s 16-year–old. The missing comma and space after skates is presumably just a typo.
Technically, there can be only one “best team” so using top team instead might be a more amenable choice. Also a “the” missing from the last paragraph in the blockquote.
/inner editor
rikyrah
There’s a Horrible Bosses 2 coming out!
LOL
http://youtu.be/VDqmhPBf424
cathyx
@raven: I missed you so much.
raven
@cathyx: who cares?
WereBear
@gogol’s wife: Dagnab! I have that in the Kindle app but have not started it yet… it needed some vacation days or at least a free weekend.
But a while back, seems like the publishers fired most of the editors…
Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN)
@NotMax: Sorry. I’ve been juggling so many things trying to get this Kickstarter planned that I’ve been dropping a lot of stuff connected to actually writing.
cathyx
@raven: Give it to me baby.
NotMax
Heh. My bad. 18-year-old, not 16-year-old.
Must learn to scroll up and not rely on memory.
gogol's wife
@WereBear:
So true. The author seems to have read every fan magazine article on her for her entire career and summarizes them all, but she uses fan magazine articles as if they were trustworthy primary sources. It gives a lot of the flavor of the times, but I’m not really feeling that Stanwyck’s career is being illuminated for me. But I’m a total fangirl so I’ll read the whole darn thing anyway.
Pogonip
@rikyrah: @rikyrah: I like my boss. (Who does not read this site, so I get no brownie points for this.). She says “Do this.”. I go start doing it. She doesn’t bother me till I say “Okay, it’s done,” and then she says “OK, now go do this.”. Repeat as needed till day’s end.
jl
Three or four small meals a day? Cole actually said ‘small’? ‘Small’?
OK, look, Cole, just because you eat three or four, or maybe five(?) ‘small’ things like each day, that is not a fitness muscle building diet.
Maybe if Cole would go back posting pics of all his meal plates, and pics of how dirty the dishes were, and any knives that maybe got nicked or nicked him, and such like, it would keep him more sensible.
Edit: Even the sainted Tunch would not consider that a healthful slimming diet (which a certain owner forced onto the poor starving great white beast).
Roger Moore
@Pogonip:
I remember reading about an interesting twist on this where a company with a good data mining operation would try to push apparently unrelated items that their analysis suggested were likely to be bought together with whatever else was on the order. Since this was the story in the business section, it was all about how this was more successful than the more obvious strategy of trying to sell people items that a human would expect to go along with what they were already buying, but their success rate was still low enough that there were a lot of annoyed people wondering why the company was trying to push that on them for every one who was happy for the suggestion.
I'mNotSureWhoIWantToBeYet
@Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN): I’d probably be in for $25 with no need for a formal acknowledgment.
Keep at it. Good luck!
Cheers,
Scott.
The Moar You Know
I worked retail a long time ago, and I know you meant well, John, but damn if all the guy wants to do is get off his shift, go home and get as wasted as possible. Not your fault.
Anoniminous
The Scottish Independence referendum is getting interesting.
WaterGirl
@The Moar You Know: For me, something funny like what John said would help break the boring monotony of my shift.
aimai
@lamh36: Please post pictures. She makes my day with that smile.
Baud
@aimai:
Yeah, she’s a cutie.
raven
@cathyx: Perfect, a Joan River’s post up next just for someone like you. Bye bye.
WaterGirl
@lamh36: Someone, maybe Anne Laurie (?) posted something about llamh37, so I thought maybe you had a birthday. But here you are as lamb36, so maybe not?
beth
My pet peeve is when I give someone my name and they ask me “can you spell that?” My answer is almost always “of course I can, it’s my name”. I get the silent contempt too. I guess I need to be nicer also too.
PhoenixRising
@NotMax: I’d say that was pretty visible, outer editor. Unless you intended that to be unseen by the rest of us.
Copy editing is a specific skill, one that those who have can’t stop using. My sister did my last book because she couldn’t help herself. But she did ask first.
divF
@raven:
There is a print version of the screenplay that, in the introduction, outlines all the problems Chandler had with the the screenplay, including severe writer’s block so he wrote a part of the screenplay in a carefully controlled drunken stupor, and arguments with censors over the ending. And indeed he couldn’t stand Miss Lake, referring to her as “Moronica Lake”.
gogol's wife
I gave up on The Divorcee after 15 minutes. After Baby Face, it just wasn’t doing it for me. Baby Face is a masterpiece of swift narration. The Divorcee is not. But I’ll tune in to see what Mnemosyne has to say about Night Nurse.
Baud
@beth:
No, you need to be meaner.
“My name? Yes, I can spell it. Let’s see. It’s “b.” Then “e,” I think. Or is it “i.” No, definitely “e.” So “b” then “e.” Hmmm. What’s is that next letter?”
PurpleGirl
@JPL: My apartment complex had a rule against any pets. Then there was a ruling from the city about allowing dogs but people have to pay a monthly fee to have a dog. Supposedly dogs can only be a certain size (small) but I’ve seen some pretty big dogs. Nothing was said about having cats or other animals. A former Board member has an iguana and I hear a bird in one apartment.
Roger Moore
@Anoniminous:
I think they’re hanging a lot on one poll. I remember seeing a plot of the polling numbers, which had been pretty steady until this poll. The number they’re getting is within the margin of error of the previous polls, so I’m more suspicious that they’ve gotten a single statistical outlier and are treating it as a momentum shift toward independence. It would be nice if they had the kind of tracking polls we’ve seen for US presidential elections.
Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name)
@PurpleGirl: Isn’t the iguana the canine of the reptiles?
wasabi gasp
Maybe every customer turns into Louis CK on that question and the kid is just all out of salted dicks.
Helen
@aimai: Ditto. That. Smile. Is. Awesome.
al coholic
going with these for the Pats game: http://linsfood.com/vietnamese-caramelised-ginger-chicken/
Violet
That was hilarious. The employee missed a good opportunity for a laugh.
PurpleGirl
@Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name): I don’t know. I do know that before they began allowing dogs he was used as a example of someone breaking the ‘no pets’ rule and wasn’t it wrong to allow him a pet. He was telling people they had the iguana because it helped their autistic son. (The city had ruled at some point that pets which help disabled residents had to be allowed.)
Baud
Found this via Reddit. My kind of humor.
Mnemosyne
@gogol’s wife:
They’re definitely very different movies — Baby Face is basically a comedy, while The Divorcee is a somewhat earnest drama. The charms of The Divorcee are a little more subtle, but they’re there. Think of it as being like a drama version of The Awful Truth where Irene Dunne gets to sleep with a series of guys instead of the story forcing her to immediately settle down with Ralph Bellamy.
Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name)
@Baud: It’s something you can play until the cows come home.
Violet
@Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN):
May be too late to the thread but some thoughts on the above. She wants to join a team but she has to make friends to make it. That doesn’t follow for me. People can be effective teammates without being friends. Maybe there’s some other reason she has to learn how to make friends but it isn’t required for her to be a good hockey player or a good teammate. So that sentence doesn’t follow the previous one very well for me.
The trust part is key to being a good teammate. You have to trust your teammates to do their part and if Phoebe has a problem with trust she may not be a good teammate. That part makes sense to me.
The story of “loyalty and security” is understandable from the small back story you’ve given. However, loyalty is something she can learn–it gives the impression of a journey and that’s something the reader may want to follow. But “security” is more something she desires or craves and comes from a place of neediness. It’s something she wants, not something she does. A more action-oriented word might be “commitment”. That implies that she has to learn how to commit to something–again it’s her journey.
Since your story is about coming of age, the protagonist should be learning and growing throughout the story. I’d focus the blurb on words that show her growth and illustrate her journey.
satby
Thanks Watergirl! I’m able to get onto the site now…
WaterGirl
@satby: Yay!
Edit: did you have to use the direct link or could you go straight to the main BJ page?
satby
@WaterGirl: the direct link you sent. Gracias!
KS in MA
@Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN):
I liked your prologue and first chapter a lot–and I’m not even a hockey fan, so there. I’m in for $25.
Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name)
@Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN): Too late at night for a full chapter. But the prologue is damned good. Loved the fedora thing. Keep us posted. I’ll contribute.
Narcissus
Always a good idea to piss off the people who prepare and handle your food
Mnemosyne
@Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN):
What Violet said:
ETA: Also, too, since it’s a coming of age story, no one is going to expect things to be wrapped up nicely or for your protagonist to be happy at the end. All readers will expect is for her to be older at the end than she was at the beginning.
steve from Antioch
You had me at scars of sexual abuse …
Mnemosyne
For night owls, Gold Diggers of 1933 is coming on at 1:00 am ET/10:00 pm PT. Highly recommended, especially for the “We’re In the Money,” “Pettin’ in the Park” and “Remember My Forgotten Man” numbers. Also has a young Ginger Rogers in one of her first featured roles.
Mnemosyne
@steve from Antioch:
I think that came across way more “child molester” than you intended.
WaterGirl
@Mnemosyne: I didn’t take it that way at all.
Mnemosyne
@WaterGirl:
That’s why I said I don’t think he intended it, but did come across as creepy to me.
Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN)
@steve from Antioch: Not to add to the creepiness, but do you mean that you would read it or that you wouldn’t?
And I confess that that bit of the blurb bugs me because I think it reduces the impact of the revelation when it happens. But it seems like it’s the way to go.
Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN)
@Violet: Thanks. I’ll keep playing with it. It’s a work in progress and, in part, I’m trying to sort it out, since some people’s advice conflicts with other people’s.
Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name)
@Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN):
Can’t avoid that.
Schlemizel
@raven:
I’m pissed he got that email addy before I thought of it! Never read pooh but in school a kid nicknamed me eeyore (I didn’t know why until later but I sadly have to agree. its something JMN & I have in common.
Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN)
Melancholy Donkey Press is the name of my extremely threadbare company for the purposes of publishing.
Jane2
@Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN): I’d want to read the first chapter (even a rough draft). If it grabs me, I’ll contribute.
I do like that it’s in MN! My home away from home.
Schlemizel
Sorry I am late to the party – we have been out on the town.
I am writing a bit about the book but am a lousy typist, I want to do a fair job & I have been interrupted. I’ll have it up in a couple of minutes
Violet
@Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN): I don’t think you have to say “sexual abuse” in the blurb. You could be a little specific with something like:
Or you could be even less specific with something like:
That gives the reader a sense that there were difficulties but doesn’t spoil the surprise of what the challenges were. The reader will be prepared for a bad childhood and may suspect abuse is part of that so it won’t be a complete surprise.
Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN)
@Jane2: I posted a link to the first chapter up above. I’ll be happy to send it to you by email, if you like.
Schlemizel
I was scared when JMN asked me to read his book because I wouldn’t want to tell him it stunk if it had. But he gave me the ground rules and I could live with them. It turned out I didn’t have to worry as his writing does not stink! You can use that as one of your cover quotes if you want :)
The story is well written. The first draft he sent was overly long and did not flow well but he knew that as he was trying to use a technique he abandoned with the second draft. It was also unfinished and I was not happy about that as I want to know how it turned out! The third draft was very tight, still a quality story and an enjoyable read.
The story line is new and original unlike anything I have read before. You do not need to be a hockey fan or even a sports fan to enjoy this novel it is very much a story of human relations with sport being merely the “maguffin” that draws the individuals into contact. Phoebe is a protagonist you are not likely to have encountered before. JMN gives her a compelling humanity you want to touch despite her attempts to put up barriers.
I have now rewritten this blurb about 10 times trying to say what I think about the book in a clear and concise way (I know I tend to go on & on) If anyone has question I will hang around for bit & answer what I can.
Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name)
@Schlemizel:
JMN, grab this. Use it. One of the most negative people I have ever come across is stunningly positive about your book. I want to read it.
Violet
@Schlemizel: Wow, that’s an amazing review. JMN, I hope you see it! I’m impressed.
Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN)
@Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name): I’m working on it. Actually, trying to prep for this Kickstarter has largely stalled out work on the actual novel. Even when I’m not actually putting things together the process leaves me stressed out in a way that’s not conducive to writing. (Writing stresses me out, too, but it’s a different stress.) But I honestly think that about two more weeks of uninterrupted work would produce a draft that takes it as far as I can by myself. Hence the need to pay a professional editor to help me the rest of the way.
Schlemizel
@cathyx: wish we could say the same for you
Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN)
@Violet: I saw it. In fact, I’ve pasted it into a text file for later use.
WaterGirl
@Schlemizel: Well, you’d better stop trying to rewrite paragraph 3 because I think it might be perfect just the way it is. High praise, extremely well written!
If you had said that about my (non-existnent) book, I would paste your review on the cover of my book; the only decision would be: front or back?
Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name)
@Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN): Got it. Let us know when you are up and ready. I’ll do what I can to help.
WaterGirl
@Schlemizel: I can’t remember – what was your nym before you had all that terrible stuff happen and you changed to Schlemizel?
WaterGirl
@Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN): I think you get a free book if your review of the book goes on the cover? Am I right? :-)
I vote “yes” for Schlemizel getting a free book, even if I have to buy it for him myself.
Schlemizel
@Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name):
I’m not naturally negative but trained that way by life.
Thanks though, that was serious whole review, it needed to be positive.
@WaterGirl:
You really think that was better than “His writing doesn’t stink.”? I thought that would be my go to pull quote :)
Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN)
Schlemizel is getting more than a free book. (Actually, he can post a link to picture of what I got him for providing so much feedback on this and other stories if he likes.)
WaterGirl
@Schlemizel: That’s why I was asking what your nym was before. I don’t see you as inherently negative. It seems to me that you had more crap thrown at you than most of us could deal with and it has left you negative but not really at the core. My take anyway, as one internet stranger/friend to another.
WaterGirl
@Schlemizel: Sorry, but the audience has spoken. “it doesn’t stink” has not made the cut. But your stunning review did, so there’s that!
Schlemizel
@WaterGirl:
No, I used to go by ‘Frankly” but that string (with cancer being just the middle point) was a bit more than I could take & Schlemizel really fit me better
Schlemiel = the guy who always spills his soup
Schlemizel = the guy the soup always falls on
WaterGirl
@Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN): I am heading to bed, but I want to see what he’s getting, so I will hope for a link in the morning.
NotMax
@Schlemizel
In Yiddish, the soup-stained one properly would be a Schlemazel .
Schlemizel
@Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN):
JMN gave me a Canadian National Team sweater with my then favorite players number & name. It was way too much to spend for the little help I provided and damned nice of him. I wore it to home games as long as the visiting team was not wearing red.
I don’t have a picture but this is close, with a “10” on the back
http://www.icejerseys.com/images/products/33/Team-Canada-IIHF-Swift-Replica-Red-Hockey-Jersey-N6370_XL.jpg
WaterGirl
@Schlemizel: Nice!
(Yes, I came back to check after brushing my teeth. Now I really am headed for bed.)
Schlemizel
@NotMax:
I found that out after making the change & was too lazy to correct it (I seem to remember it was a couple days before I could post without going into moderation when I changed from Frankly)
Thanks, there were a few Jews in my neighborhood when I was growing up & I heard the words spoken but never saw them written. I was very angry at the time & it was meant as a bitter joke. I suppose I should fix the spelling.
Schlemizel
I’m up way past my bedtime too. Questions or brickbats can be tossed in future open threads.
WaterGirl
@Schlemizel: Or maybe if you’re less angry and bitter now, you could leave that behind and change it to something else!
Steeplejack (tablet)
@Mnemosyne:
I wasn’t going to watch it yet again, but damn you, Ginger Rogers and your sexy pig Latin.
Also: “I’ve been a juvenile for 18 years, and you’re telling me how to sing a song?!”
Mnemosyne
@Steeplejack (tablet):
“Why, you’re light as a heifer … er, a feather!”
(It’s a woman to a man, so it’s not as bad as it sounds without context.)
Suzanne
Cole, that was fucking funny. But don’t ever make jokes to the people that bring you food. I promise. Don’t.
Steeplejack
@Mnemosyne:
For some reason I had forgotten that Warren William, my all-pro pre-Code horn dog, is the snooty older brother.
And I love Ned Sparks as Barney Hopkins, the producer. I wish I could talk in that ’30s “Why, I oughta” style all the time.
Mnemosyne
@Steeplejack:
Random trivia I just found out: Warren William was the original Perry Mason.
Steeplejack
@Mnemosyne:
Yeah, they have shown a few on TCM in recent months, usually on Saturday morning. But no matter what he plays he can’t hide the inner horn dog.
My favorite William line, from Under Eighteen.
Ooh, “My Forgotten Man.” Big finish!
Mnemosyne
@Steeplejack:
I can’t stay up for Search for Beauty, but I’m pretty sure it’s on one of my DVD collections. It looks like the next William-starrers are going to be The Mind Readers, Beauty and the Boss, Skyscraper Souls, and Employees’ Entrance.
I still can’t decide if I should write about The Divorcee or Night Nurse, so … I might do both.
Steeplejack
@Mnemosyne:
Writing on both is good! You can always save one for later.
Skyscraper Souls is pretty good. I don’t remember the others specifically. I usually have to have my memory jogged by the thumbnail description.
Fred
Mr. John Cole: That little vignette was quite beautiful. It has a haiku like lilting brittleness. Giving the employee the floor just to let it breath was brilliant.
You could scrap this blogging stuff and be a great failed writer.
Also shows how trying to joke with over worked retail employees can only go amiss. Go ahead and try if you like but it will almost certainly blow up in your face like a loaded cigar.
Schlemizel
@WaterGirl:
What makes you think I am less angry & bitter now? I just hide it better now. Not well enough I understand but better. Even when I am not life has conditioned me to always expect to be hit with the soup, I am broken & duct tape is not going to fix that.
WaterGirl
@Schlemizel: Because you said this: “I was very angry at the time & it was meant as a bitter joke.”.
I took that to mean you are less angry now, and I thought maybe things were easing up a bit now that you can eat some real food again. I don’t usually mind being told I’m wrong, but in this case I wish I had been right!
gogol's wife
@Steeplejack:
“Peabody, you’re disgusting!” Greatest line reading EVAH.
I wish Warren William and Guy Kibbee would come to town to get me.
I just love that Kibbee’s name is Fanueil Peabody!
gogol's wife
@Steeplejack:
Employees’ Entrance is also fab. Loretta Young at her most delicious (if I’m remembering correctly).
NotMax
@Steeplejack
Sparks supposedly had Lloyd’s of London write up a policy which would pay out $10,000 to anyone who came up with a photo of him smiling.
bemused
@WaterGirl:
I thought it was hilarious too but over the phone, the delivery matters. If you say it with a chuckle in your voice, it would be clearer it is amiable kidding. OTH, if it is said with no jokey inflection, the listener may be uncertain, not get it or think he/she has just got another cranky old geezer on the other end.
Schlemazel [was Schlemizel till NotMax taught me proper yiddish!]
@WaterGirl:
No, Omnes has me pretty well right. A lot of the negative, anger & bitter is armor to protect against lifes ability to make sure I am always beneath the soup when it spills.
I very much appreciate you kindness though
WaterGirl
@Schlemazel [was Schlemizel till NotMax taught me proper yiddish!]: Sorry to hear that Omnes was right, but I’m still glad you comment here.
Mnemosyne
@gogol’s wife:
And that moment when he holds “Fanny” the Pekinese up in the mirror and compares their faces? Priceless.