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You are here: Home / Politics / Brace Your Freude To Be Thoroughly Schadened

Brace Your Freude To Be Thoroughly Schadened

by John Cole|  September 11, 201412:55 pm| 131 Comments

This post is in: Politics, Republican Stupidity, Schadenfreude

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This is just too awesome for words:

The U.S. government wants conservative author and filmmaker Dinesh D’Souza to be sentenced to as much as 16 months in prison, following his guilty plea to a campaign finance law violation.

In a Wednesday court filing, federal prosecutors rejected defense arguments that D’Souza was “ashamed and contrite” about his crime, had “unequivocally accepted responsibility,” and deserved a sentence of probation with community service.

D’Souza, 53, admitted in May to illegally reimbursing two “straw donors” who donated $10,000 each to the unsuccessful 2012 U.S. Senate campaign in New York of Wendy Long, a Republican he had known since attending Dartmouth College in the early 1980s.

The government said a 10- to 16-month prison sentence was appropriate for D’Souza, and necessary to deter others from abusing the election process, including “well-heeled individuals who are tempted to use their money to help other candidates.”

It also said D’Souza waited to “the last possible moment” prior to trial before admitting guilt, and then went on TV shows and the Internet to complain about being “selectively” targeted for prosecution, and having little choice but to plead guilty.

“Based on the defendant’s own post-plea statements, the court should reject the defendant’s claims of contrition on the eve of sentencing,” prosecutors led by U.S. Attorney Preet Bharara in Manhattan said in the filing.

Excuse me while I take a cold shower.

BTW- the title from this post is a variation of a comment one of you made several weeks ago and I have shamelessly claimed it as my own.

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Reader Interactions

131Comments

  1. 1.

    eemom

    September 11, 2014 at 12:57 pm

    awesomest post title evah.

  2. 2.

    Shinobi

    September 11, 2014 at 1:00 pm

    mmmmmmmmmmm *goes for cigarette*

  3. 3.

    Belafon

    September 11, 2014 at 1:00 pm

    If the prosecution laid out everything D’Souza has said since he admitted guilt, it would probably take close to a year to watch. It would probably guarantee the longest sentence as well, especially if you believe that the purpose of jail time is to teach the person a lesson.

  4. 4.

    Felinious Wench

    September 11, 2014 at 1:05 pm

    Here’s a hint, Dinesh. If you post it on the Internet, someone will read it.

  5. 5.

    Punchy

    September 11, 2014 at 1:07 pm

    The words “ashamed”, “contrite”, and “Republican” shall never, ever again be mentioned in the same sentence, lest the world collapse upon itself in a heap of Higgs bosons.

    I’m sure this is all President Dark Matter’s fault.

  6. 6.

    Cervantes

    September 11, 2014 at 1:08 pm

    You people are heartless.

  7. 7.

    brantl

    September 11, 2014 at 1:10 pm

    I think that Mr. D’Souza shall be very heartened by his first-hand view of the justice system, as he has been deploring its laxity for years, I think the beatdown he is in for will cheer him up ENORMOUSLY. It certainly will do that for me, in his case.

  8. 8.

    Amir Khalid

    September 11, 2014 at 1:11 pm

    Alas, that’s just about the opposite of the meaning I think you intend. Rather, we should get ready for some Freude (joy) over the Schaden (misfortune) that is about to befall Dinesh D’Souza.

    That said, “I’m really really sorry” is about as feeble and perfunctory a plea in mitigation as a wrongdoer could offer. D’Souza is a writer. Is that really all he can manage?

  9. 9.

    Cacti

    September 11, 2014 at 1:12 pm

    I have a stylistic complaint.

    Front page posts should refer to this individual as “Convicted felon Dinesh D’Souza”.

  10. 10.

    Jebediah, RBG

    September 11, 2014 at 1:13 pm

    @Cervantes:

    If the judge goes along with the request, at the end of the letter, to consider D’souza’s life and contributions, he’ll end up at Gitmo.

  11. 11.

    Cacti

    September 11, 2014 at 1:14 pm

    @Amir Khalid:

    Alas, that’s just about the opposite of the meaning I think you intend. Rather, we should get ready for some Freude (joy) over the Schaden (misfortune) that is about to befall Dinesh D’Souza.

    That said, “I’m really really sorry” is about as feeble and perfunctory a plea in mitigation as a wrongdoer could offer. D’Souza is a writer. Is that really all he can manage?

    I’m not sure what sort of advice convicted felon D’Souza has been getting from counsel, but when you’ve copped a voluntary guilty plea, going on a national “I’m the real victim here” tour is about the worst thing you could do prior to sentencing.

    His protestations to the contrary, nobody forced him to waive his right to a jury trial.

  12. 12.

    Belafon

    September 11, 2014 at 1:14 pm

    @Amir Khalid: Welcome to America, where we abuse language like we do everything else.

  13. 13.

    Mike in NC

    September 11, 2014 at 1:14 pm

    Alternately, give this scumbag grifter a Kevlar helmet and some body armor, along with a broken rifle, and put him in charge of recruiting an invasion force from among the warmongers in Washington who are so eager to have another war in the Middle East.

  14. 14.

    boatboy_srq

    September 11, 2014 at 1:18 pm

    @Amir Khalid:

    D’Souza is a writer.

    Really? Have you read the bilge he prints?

  15. 15.

    GxB

    September 11, 2014 at 1:19 pm

    Couldn’t have happened to a better douchebag, but I can’t help but wonder if his skin color has at least a little something to do with his conviction.

  16. 16.

    Amir Khalid

    September 11, 2014 at 1:20 pm

    @boatboy_srq:
    Yes, but he got paid more for his bilge than I ever did for mine.

  17. 17.

    Cervantes

    September 11, 2014 at 1:22 pm

    @Amir Khalid:

    1. With this kind of humor, the meaning of foreign words and phrases is beside the point. In fact, running rough-shod over said meaning is precisely what makes it funny (to those who enjoy it).

    2. He is a writer. I have not found him to be a good writer but you’re right, his plight should have moved him to new heights.

    @Jebediah, RBG:

    You’re just toying with me now.

  18. 18.

    boatboy_srq

    September 11, 2014 at 1:23 pm

    @Cacti:

    a national “I’m the real victim here” tour

    Describes the entirety of the post-Obama GOTea rather well.

  19. 19.

    shelley

    September 11, 2014 at 1:23 pm

    Feh, if this is his first offense, I wouldn’t hold your breath.

    And if he does get anything close to that sentence, his reputation as right-wing martyr is cemented.

  20. 20.

    boatboy_srq

    September 11, 2014 at 1:23 pm

    @Amir Khalid: I guess you just picked the wrong sources to cut/paste, then. ,-)

  21. 21.

    Cervantes

    September 11, 2014 at 1:23 pm

    @GxB: He pleaded guilty. I doubt it was his skin that did that.

  22. 22.

    Cacti

    September 11, 2014 at 1:24 pm

    Speaking of schadenfreude…

    Sarah Palin and family were involved in a 20-person drunken brawl.

  23. 23.

    Amir Khalid

    September 11, 2014 at 1:25 pm

    @Cervantes:

    With this kind of humor, the meaning of foreign words and phrases is beside the point. In fact, running rough-shod over said meaning is precisely what makes it funny (to those who enjoy it).

    He said to the can’t-help-himself grammar fussbudget.

  24. 24.

    shelley

    September 11, 2014 at 1:27 pm

    That said, “I’m really really sorry” is about as feeble and perfunctory a plea in mitigation as a wrongdoer could offer

    Ha. Reminds me of an old Steve Martin routine. Where he shows how to get out of paying your taxes. And if the IRS comes after you, all you have to do is say ‘I forgot!’ Problem solved!

  25. 25.

    Amir Khalid

    September 11, 2014 at 1:27 pm

    @Cacti:
    That news makes me want to stand up and cheer.

  26. 26.

    big ole hound

    September 11, 2014 at 1:27 pm

    @Amir Khalid: You mean by writing in this space I am not a writer or just not a paid writer.

  27. 27.

    burnspbesq

    September 11, 2014 at 1:29 pm

    @Jebediah, RBG:

    he’ll end up at Gitmo

    Nobody should ever be sent to Gitmo, and I have my doubts about whether anybody should be sent to the Federal Supermax in Colorado.

    However, if D’Souza ends up in Marion, IL, with a 6’6″, 300-pound Aryan Nation meth-cooker for a cellmate … kewl.

  28. 28.

    ranchandsyrup

    September 11, 2014 at 1:29 pm

    @Cacti: i was just enjoying their misfortune.
    Moar linky: video of reaction by two eye witnesses to Michael Brown’s shooting in Ferguson

  29. 29.

    different-church-lady

    September 11, 2014 at 1:30 pm

    In a Wednesday court filing, federal prosecutors rejected defense arguments that D’Souza was “ashamed and contrite” about his crime…

    So ashamed and contrite, in fact, that he’ll probably make a film about the brutal government persecution he suffered over the matter.

  30. 30.

    Amir Khalid

    September 11, 2014 at 1:30 pm

    @big ole hound:
    I mean I used to be a journalist.

  31. 31.

    boatboy_srq

    September 11, 2014 at 1:30 pm

    @Cacti: Thought that was just Wednesday evening chez Palin.

  32. 32.

    schrodinger's cat

    September 11, 2014 at 1:31 pm

    You go Preet!
    @Amir Khalid: Does Lolspeak move you to tears, then?

  33. 33.

    Shakezula

    September 11, 2014 at 1:31 pm

    I just hope he’ll remember he spent part of his time bitching at Google because he didn’t like the way the search engine handled the word America.

    @Mike in NC: Mmm. No, that’s far too voluntary. I’m still for rounding them up herding them to Andrews and shoving them on a plane.

  34. 34.

    JPL

    September 11, 2014 at 1:32 pm

    @Cacti: hahaha… Surely someone video taped the fight. Maybe TMZ will offer a large some of money, in order to obtain it.

  35. 35.

    boatboy_srq

    September 11, 2014 at 1:33 pm

    @JPL: Paging Larry Flynt…

  36. 36.

    SFAW

    September 11, 2014 at 1:34 pm

    @Jebediah, RBG:

    If the judge goes along with the request, at the end of the letter, to consider D’souza’s life and contributions, he’ll end up at Gitmo.

    I noticed you left out “humility.” And D’Douchebag is nothing if not humble.

    Actually, if the sentencing judge (one wishes Isaac Parker were still around) notices the “humility” thing, he might laugh for a longer time than the max sentence the Govt is asking.

  37. 37.

    Amir Khalid

    September 11, 2014 at 1:34 pm

    @schrodinger’s cat:
    Tears of joy, when it’s done right.

  38. 38.

    Big Picture Pathologist

    September 11, 2014 at 1:35 pm

    @eemom:

    +1

    My day, she is made.

  39. 39.

    some guy

    September 11, 2014 at 1:36 pm

    Great news about Obama pitching in to help the Assad regime in their fight against ISIS and their brand of Wahabbi terror.

  40. 40.

    some guy

    September 11, 2014 at 1:39 pm

    We helped the Revolutionary Guards from Iran battle ISIS in Ameril, now we are gonna help the Assad regime retake Raqqa.

    America, fuck yeah!

  41. 41.

    David in NY

    September 11, 2014 at 1:41 pm

    God. Somebody who should know better made a prison rape “joke” up there. Can’t people just cut it out?

  42. 42.

    Patricia Kayden

    September 11, 2014 at 1:42 pm

    Dying for when D’Souza comes out of jail from his 16-month stay and makes his next filmed screed against President Hilary Clinton. Hopefully, there won’t be too many Blahs where’s he is imprisoned. Otherwise things could get very uncomfortable for such a vocally racist Rightwinger.

  43. 43.

    JPL

    September 11, 2014 at 1:42 pm

    Fox news will talk about those thugs who are not in jail, while a true patriot is.

    @some guy: Ten Arab countries have promised to help. Maybe Saudi will stop funding ISIL. BBC just calls them IS formerly known as ISIL. I’m not sure why though.

  44. 44.

    Cervantes

    September 11, 2014 at 1:43 pm

    @David in NY: Cheap laugh. Desperate comedian?

  45. 45.

    Sourmash

    September 11, 2014 at 1:44 pm

    Where does Dinesh stand on punishments for voter fraud? Since he has been convicted of illegally attempting to influence the outcome of an election, how did he advocate treating people who he accused of doing the exact same thing through voter fraud? I assume he wanted to see prison sentences, ya know, to deter other who might think of doing it. Or did he know it never happened so he just yelled about it to rile up the rubes and never got around to advocating a punishment, a sure tell for those who are not taking seriously whatever issue they are shrieking about.

  46. 46.

    SFAW

    September 11, 2014 at 1:46 pm

    @Sourmash:

    how did he advocate treating people who he accused of doing the exact same thing through voter fraud?

    Trick question?

  47. 47.

    Barbara

    September 11, 2014 at 1:47 pm

    Before you set yourself up for disappointment, I would be really surprised if he got that kind of sentence. Just based on what I have been seeing over the last couple of years. Carry on.

  48. 48.

    some guy

    September 11, 2014 at 1:47 pm

    @JPL:

    Really? Awesome. Qatar (al Nusrah Front patrons) and Saudi Arabia (ISIS patrons) are gonna pitch in to fight Wahabbi terror? That should be a good comedy to watch.

  49. 49.

    David in NY

    September 11, 2014 at 1:49 pm

    D’Souza made about the worst error he could have in complaining that he was selectively prosecuted and didn’t “intend” to break the law even after the judge found he had produced “no evidence” of selective prosecution and he had admitted his guilt (and thus his actual intent) in an agreement also admitting he had not “accept[ed] responsibility” for his crime. If he didn’t want to go to jail, he should have shut up.

  50. 50.

    Patricia Kayden

    September 11, 2014 at 1:49 pm

    @ranchandsyrup: Seems to reconfirm that the police shooting was unjustified. There are too many witnesses saying the same thing and none appear to support Officer Wilson’s side of the story. It’s sad that he mostly will not be charged with anything. I cannot imagine that he can ever work in Ferguson again.

  51. 51.

    SFAW

    September 11, 2014 at 1:51 pm

    @Barbara:

    Before you set yourself up for disappointment, I would be really surprised if he got that kind of sentence.

    I hinted at Isaac Parker earlier, but I’d be OK with Graham Chapman doing the sentencing, just before he’s off to South Africa.

  52. 52.

    David in NY

    September 11, 2014 at 1:52 pm

    @Cervantes: I’m hoping nobody’s laughing. I’ve represented people who were brutalized in prison. Not funny.

  53. 53.

    SFAW

    September 11, 2014 at 1:53 pm

    @Patricia Kayden:

    There are too many witnesses saying the same thing and none appear to support Officer Wilson’s side of the story.

    Except they’s all blah people – even the ones that don’t look it – so you can’t believe what they say. Now if Regular people had said that stuff, that might be different.

  54. 54.

    boatboy_srq

    September 11, 2014 at 1:53 pm

    @Patricia Kayden: I cannot imagine Wilson can ever work in law enforcement again. Then again, I’m sure Sheriff Arpaio would give him a job if asked.

  55. 55.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    September 11, 2014 at 1:57 pm

    @Barbara: Meh. I won’t really be disappointed. D’Souza is James O’Keefe with the vocabulary of the worst kind of first year grad student. If anything, he’s probably less influential.

  56. 56.

    Cervantes

    September 11, 2014 at 1:58 pm

    @David in NY: I agree.

    @David in NY: Shutting up has not exactly been d’Souza’s strong suit.

  57. 57.

    David in NY

    September 11, 2014 at 1:59 pm

    @SFAW: @Barbara:

    Before you set yourself up for disappointment, I would be really surprised if he got that kind of sentence.

    The government did a good job of finding cases where people having committed a similar crime got jail time. D’Souza’s case is not as egregious as some, but is worse than others. I think his lawyer didn’t do him any favors by including in letters on his behalf included as exhibits some that minimized his culpability, in much the ways he did after he pled guilty.

    I don’t recall much about Judge Berman’s reputation as a sentencer (not tough, I think, but not a soft touch), but I don’t think any of them like somebody who pleads guilty, then goes on TV justifying himself.

  58. 58.

    Belafon

    September 11, 2014 at 2:00 pm

    @David in NY: Maybe I purposefully misread, but if you’re talking about the burnsie comment, I took it to mean someone who would scare the shit out of D’souza. If it’s a different one, then I missed it.

  59. 59.

    raven

    September 11, 2014 at 2:00 pm

    Word is that Bristol has a particularly strong right hook, which she employed repeatedly, and it’s something to hear when Sarah screams, ‘Don’t you know who I am!’ And it was particularly wonderful when someone in the crowd screamed back, ‘This isn’t some damned Hillbilly reality show!’”

  60. 60.

    gogol's wife

    September 11, 2014 at 2:00 pm

    @Cacti:

    Très amusant.

  61. 61.

    jonas

    September 11, 2014 at 2:00 pm

    @Patricia Kayden: I cannot imagine that he can ever work in Ferguson again

    I can imagine any number of gigs he could line up — spokesman for an assault rifle and teargas manufacturer; law enforcement commentator on Fox News; GOP Congressman. When you’re a horrible, incompetent, unarmed citizen-shooting, racist sack of FAIL, the possibilities are endless.

  62. 62.

    Trollhattan

    September 11, 2014 at 2:01 pm

    @Cacti:
    Holy crap, that’s awesome. Coming to The Learning Channel: “Can You Whoop a Palin?”

  63. 63.

    divF

    September 11, 2014 at 2:01 pm

    @GxB:

    I can’t help but wonder if his skin color has at least a little something to do with his conviction.

    I kinda doubt it.

    prosecutors led by U.S. Attorney Preet Bharara in Manhattan

    This is selective prosecution in the same sense that Martha Stewart’s was.

  64. 64.

    Mike G

    September 11, 2014 at 2:01 pm

    and then went on TV shows and the Internet to complain about being “selectively” targeted for prosecution, and having little choice but to plead guilty.

    Which blows a hole in the “ashamed and contrite” storyline. Judges tend to frown upon defendants grandstanding on TV. His ego wrote checks his body will have to cash.

    It probably is selective prosecution (these crimes inevitably are), but I can’t think of a smarmier asshole who deserves to be made an example, especially given his history of enthusiasm for government dishing out cruelty and punishment to people who aren’t him.

    I look forward to his next film, “D’Souza’s America 2016: Convicted Felon”

  65. 65.

    ranchandsyrup

    September 11, 2014 at 2:05 pm

    @Patricia Kayden: that’s my take too.

  66. 66.

    Trollhattan

    September 11, 2014 at 2:06 pm

    @Mike G:
    He’ll get be-martyred and Foxified once he gets out. It’s worked well at least as far back as Liddy and Ollie North. “Patriots” all.

  67. 67.

    different-church-lady

    September 11, 2014 at 2:07 pm

    @Cacti:

    Sarah Palin and family were involved in a 20-person drunken brawl.

    Sarah Palin and her family are a 20-person drunken brawl all by themselves.

  68. 68.

    Gex

    September 11, 2014 at 2:16 pm

    @divF: Brown people can be racist you know. Dinesh himself would be a prime example.

  69. 69.

    Cervantes

    September 11, 2014 at 2:25 pm

    @Trollhattan:

    Oliver North spent not one blessed day in jail.

    In fact, the only person to spend even a day in jail as a result of Iran-Contra was a minister in John Poindexter’s home-town who stole a street sign bearing Poindexter’s name and held it for a thirty-million-dollar ransom, that being the amount Reagan and his thugs stole from the US to illegally fund the contras.

  70. 70.

    Geeno

    September 11, 2014 at 2:33 pm

    @JPL: Because when they declared themselves the new Caliphate they were no longer claiming just Iraq and the Levant, but the whole of the Muslim world. So now they’re just the Islamic State.

  71. 71.

    Howard Beale IV

    September 11, 2014 at 2:37 pm

    @Cervantes: The problem here was D’SOuza wasn’t a banker-he was/is nothing more than a political hack.

  72. 72.

    kc

    September 11, 2014 at 2:39 pm

    @Cervantes:

    Laura Ingraham a single mother? Goodness, I hope her children don’t grow up to be criminals.

  73. 73.

    SatanicPanic

    September 11, 2014 at 2:41 pm

    @Cacti: boy does that put a smile on my face

  74. 74.

    Trollhattan

    September 11, 2014 at 2:41 pm

    @different-church-lady: Invite one Palin, get every Palin. They’re remarkably similar to the Ozark branch of my in-laws.

  75. 75.

    Joel

    September 11, 2014 at 2:41 pm

    Memories…

  76. 76.

    kc

    September 11, 2014 at 2:41 pm

    @Cacti:

    Oh my God, that is the most awesome thing I’ve read all month.

  77. 77.

    Suzanne

    September 11, 2014 at 2:43 pm

    The right wing are just SOOOO TRASHY.

  78. 78.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    September 11, 2014 at 2:44 pm

    @SatanicPanic: @Trollhattan: My favorite part: Princess Dumbass trying to play the “Do you know who I am?” card

    and the only reason we know who she is (and the only reason Track had the cash to stumble out of stretch Hummer), is that she was chosen to be one heartbeat away from the presidency by the man Andrea Mitchell introduced as “important” last night.

  79. 79.

    Cervantes

    September 11, 2014 at 2:45 pm

    @kc: So long as they don’t take after any of her former boyfriends, they’ll be OK.

    But don’t tell her I said that.

  80. 80.

    Pococurante

    September 11, 2014 at 2:45 pm

    @David in NY: No different than other topics. Mention AIPAC, for example, and we go from reasonable criticism to “wipe Israel off the map” in two posts.

    Progressives are no less xenophobic than others, just different blind spots.

  81. 81.

    scav

    September 11, 2014 at 2:49 pm

    OT but similarly deliscious. Roll this descriptive sentence around on your tongue. Savor. The aristos are weighing in on Scottish Independence. Added a few others because I am weak and it’s good freude exercise for the schaden, still go for the bold.

    “This place eats money. But what if Salmond imposes a mansion tax? We’re done for,” said Eleanor, the Duchess of Argyll, who lives with her elephant polo champion husband Torquhil at Inveraray Castle in west Scotland.
    . . .
    Felicia Morris, a high-flying lawyer dubbed “the Queen of the London-based Scots”, was also alarmed by the prospect of an independent Scotland. “Everyone’s very worried,” she told the magazine. “It’s being talked about incessantly at dinner parties.”

    Guard on Tattler

    On the serious-ish side, 97% register to vote in referendum so at least they’re paying attention. Seem to be. Granted, better still if they show up for the dull stuff as well, but as a sign they still think participation matters and is worthwhile . . .

  82. 82.

    PurpleGirl

    September 11, 2014 at 2:57 pm

    @Cacti: Oh. my. (in George Takei’s voice, with eyebrows raising)

  83. 83.

    Comrade Colette Collaboratrice

    September 11, 2014 at 3:03 pm

    OT, but my freude at this was just a little schadened (schadified?) by the fact that a child or two could easily have feloniously interfered with her entirely lawful bullets:

    Teacher accidentally shoots self in leg at school

    A Utah elementary school teacher who was carrying a concealed firearm at school accidentally shot herself in the leg when the weapon discharged in a faculty bathroom … Utah is among the few states that allow people with concealed weapons permits to carry guns in public schools, according to the National Conference of State Legislatures. Teachers are not required to disclose they’re carrying a weapon, and administrators are prohibited from asking.

  84. 84.

    SatanicPanic

    September 11, 2014 at 3:08 pm

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist: “do you know who I am?” “I wish I didn’t!”

  85. 85.

    Amir Khalid

    September 11, 2014 at 3:09 pm

    @scav:
    I found J.K. Rowling’s take on the matter to be interesting.

  86. 86.

    JustRuss

    September 11, 2014 at 3:12 pm

    the Duchess of Argyll, who lives with her elephant polo champion husband Torquhil at Inveraray Castle

    Silly me, I always assumed PG Wodehouse’s characters were fictional.

  87. 87.

    JustRuss

    September 11, 2014 at 3:14 pm

    @Comrade Colette Collaboratrice:

    Teachers are not required to disclose they’re carrying a weapon, and administrators are prohibited from asking.

    The ability of certain legislators to plumb new depths of stupid is truly breathtaking.

  88. 88.

    Trollhattan

    September 11, 2014 at 3:16 pm

    @Comrade Colette Collaboratrice:
    Elementary school? Elementary school?!? She was packing heat in elementary school?!? Sweet romping Ronny Reagan on a Roomba, what the fuck is an elementary school teacher doing with a fucking gun around children? Should have shot herself in the brain, as she obviously doesn’t use the damn thing. Bleccch.

  89. 89.

    Roger Moore

    September 11, 2014 at 3:20 pm

    @Trollhattan:

    Sweet romping Ronny Reagan on a Roomba, what the fuck is an elementary school teacher doing with a fucking gun around children?

    Picturing herself being the hero who prevents the next Newtown massacre.

  90. 90.

    Amir Khalid

    September 11, 2014 at 3:24 pm

    @Comrade Colette Collaboratrice:

    He [Granite School District spokesman Ben Horsley] said some people are surprised to learn about Utah’s law and ask why teachers are allowed to have guns.

    “That’s frankly not a question we can answer,” Horsley said. “That is a question for the state legislature.”

    Translation: “It’s a fucking stupid law, obviously, but I couldn’t say that in public and keep my job.”

  91. 91.

    Trollhattan

    September 11, 2014 at 3:28 pm

    @Roger Moore:
    Sadly, you’re probably right. In Baretta v Bushmaster+body armor, the outcome is preordained.

    She should go to Missouri and become a cop.

  92. 92.

    Pogonip

    September 11, 2014 at 3:30 pm

    Meh. His sentence will be mostly suspended and, if he does do any time, it’ll be in a country club prison. I’d rather hear about elephant polo.

  93. 93.

    Trollhattan

    September 11, 2014 at 3:30 pm

    @JustRuss: “elephant polo?” Do they drive around in Hummers, whacking an elephant with giant mallets?

  94. 94.

    Amir Khalid

    September 11, 2014 at 3:33 pm

    @Trollhattan:
    Not quite.

  95. 95.

    JPL

    September 11, 2014 at 3:33 pm

    @Geeno: Thank You.

  96. 96.

    Cervantes

    September 11, 2014 at 3:34 pm

    @Pogonip: You’re welcome.

  97. 97.

    Trollhattan

    September 11, 2014 at 3:36 pm

    @Amir Khalid: Hilarious. I see they intentionally made the mallet too short, all the better to make fun of the aristocracy.

  98. 98.

    scav

    September 11, 2014 at 3:37 pm

    @Amir Khalid: They have chauffeurs!!

  99. 99.

    CALfan

    September 11, 2014 at 3:40 pm

    Eemom @ #1 is right, Brace Your Freude To Be Thoroughly Schadened
    is “the awesomest title evah.”

    But Punchy @#5 wins the Internets for today with ” President Dark Matter.”

  100. 100.

    Amir Khalid

    September 11, 2014 at 3:43 pm

    @Trollhattan:
    Notice, too, that the aristo polo player is only a passenger on the elephant; the mahout is in charge there.

  101. 101.

    Citizen_X

    September 11, 2014 at 3:44 pm

    @Cacti: For the millionth time, thank you, John McFuckingCain.

    …And the man in green
    on the snow machine
    got his teeth knocked into the sky
    And the half-term Guv
    who the wingnuts love
    gives ’em starbursts with a wink of her eye
    Oh, yeah! It was a mud pit
    Unsurprisingly meth-rich
    Bristol’s fists were working
    As McCain started jerking, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah

    And the mom of Track
    said, “Everyone attack!”
    and it started an Alaskan Blitz
    And the girl with cheap wine
    started punching overtime
    and it started an Alaskan Blitz
    Alaskan Blitz!

  102. 102.

    Haydnseek

    September 11, 2014 at 3:44 pm

    In a few years, some wingnut vanity press will shit out: “Dinesh D’Sousa-Mein K’ampf!

  103. 103.

    Villago Delenda Est

    September 11, 2014 at 3:56 pm

    This is good news for John McCain.

    May D’Dumbshit rot in a cell the entire time. If only all “conservative” offal could be so stored.

  104. 104.

    Trollhattan

    September 11, 2014 at 4:01 pm

    @Amir Khalid:
    Similar to how my daughter “leaned” to ride a pony, with somebody holding the reins and walking alongside. She did not demand a gin and tonic afterwards, however.

  105. 105.

    Villago Delenda Est

    September 11, 2014 at 4:03 pm

    @Haydnseek: OK, need a valid shipping address to deliver the Intertubes to you.

  106. 106.

    Villago Delenda Est

    September 11, 2014 at 4:05 pm

    @Citizen_X:

    The Sweet are on line two, they’ve cuffed their lawyer because they’re laughing so hard at that take on one of their hits.

  107. 107.

    eldorado

    September 11, 2014 at 4:13 pm

    @Cacti: goes double for convicted felon james o’keefe.

  108. 108.

    Villago Delenda Est

    September 11, 2014 at 4:15 pm

    @Cervantes: Not only did the maggot not spend a day in jail, he kept his pension, due to the personal intervention of the shitty grade Z movie star.

    He should have been discharged for the good of the service after what he did.

    Disgrace to the uniform he once wore.

  109. 109.

    Schlemazel [was Schlemizel till NotMax taught me proper yiddish!]

    September 11, 2014 at 4:15 pm

    @Cervantes:
    Bastard should get 10 years tacked on for her support!

  110. 110.

    moops

    September 11, 2014 at 4:16 pm

    Usually the convicted felon victim gets a free ride on the wingnut welfare gravy train, but I haven’t seen Scooter Libby is a while…. Perhaps Dinesh did learn the right lesson. You have to really sell your martyrdom before the sentencing if you want to rise up afterwards and get your cushy spot back.

  111. 111.

    Jebediah, RBG

    September 11, 2014 at 4:22 pm

    @Citizen_X:
    awesome!

  112. 112.

    burnspbesq

    September 11, 2014 at 4:23 pm

    @Belafon:

    Maybe I purposefully misread, but if you’re talking about the burnsie comment, I took it to mean someone who would scare the shit out of D’souza.

    You took it exactly as I intended it.

  113. 113.

    burnspbesq

    September 11, 2014 at 4:24 pm

    @divF:

    This is selective prosecution in the same sense that Martha Stewart’s was.

    Exactly. He was selected for prosecution because there was enough evidence to convict.

  114. 114.

    Jebediah, RBG

    September 11, 2014 at 4:25 pm

    @jonas:

    When you’re a horrible, incompetent, unarmed citizen-shooting, racist sack of FAIL, the possibilities are endless.

    Pretty sure you’re right. Sadly, there will be a job somewhere for Officer Killblack.

  115. 115.

    Lee

    September 11, 2014 at 4:33 pm

    @Amir Khalid:

    Here is one that the parents can handle. I would ask if the teacher is planning on carrying a weapon to class. If they answer yes, then transfer kid to a teacher that is not packing heat.

    Soon the teachers that are packing are looking for employment.

  116. 116.

    shortstop

    September 11, 2014 at 4:39 pm

    Wasn’t one of Dinesh’s straw donors the lass he introduced as his fiancee at some conservative Christian function? At the time, both were still married to other people with no official separation or divorce proceedings underway. When folks expressed their disapproval, D’Souza claimed he’d had no idea it was considered bad taste to whip out a wife-to-be while the current wife is still around.

    I’ve long thought this guy was stupid, arrogant and hypocritical, but I also think he has absolutely no social skills — sort of like Asperger’s without the high IQ. This latest round of interviews seems to clinch it.

  117. 117.

    JustRuss

    September 11, 2014 at 4:40 pm

    @Citizen_X: I simply cannot wait for the video.

  118. 118.

    Elizabelle

    September 11, 2014 at 4:41 pm

    @Citizen_X:

    Well done, sir. Well done.

  119. 119.

    Patricia Kayden

    September 11, 2014 at 4:54 pm

    @different-church-lady: Two big thumbs up for that comment. LOL.

  120. 120.

    JR in WV

    September 11, 2014 at 5:33 pm

    David,

    Joking about a Republican election fraud criminal of SE Asia racial background being sent to prison where he might meet an Aryan Nation meth cooker is not necessarily a prison rape joke.

    I’m sorry your life has put you in the place where every prison joke is necessarily a rape joke, but that is not the case in the real world.

    That is all, goodbye.

    On another topic, I’m delighted for Dinesh’s problems. He has proved himself to have no morals or ethics, to be willing to involve others in criminal acts, to practice hypocrisy as a way of life. In other words, to be a professional Republican racist operative.

    The fact that he will need to mix with a whole new and different class of fellow citizens in prison is a benefit to his education, and a big funny to those of us with real ethics and morals.

    Fuck you Dinesh, if there was any way to send you back where you came from, I would contribute to your one-way ticket purchase … you are an embarrassment to your parents.

  121. 121.

    Jebediah, RBG

    September 11, 2014 at 5:47 pm

    @Lee:

    Here is one that the parents can handle. I would ask if the teacher is planning on carrying a weapon to class. If they answer yes, then transfer kid to a teacher that is not packing heat.

    If I were a parent, I would want to know both because of the obvious risk and because anyone who thinks a gun in an elementary school classroom is a good idea is not likely bright enough to be a good teacher.

  122. 122.

    M. Bouffant

    September 11, 2014 at 6:10 pm

    Title credit.

  123. 123.

    LT

    September 11, 2014 at 6:12 pm

    John you should have just twisted it and made it yours. It realy should be the schaden getting freuded.

  124. 124.

    Cervantes

    September 11, 2014 at 6:16 pm

    @JR in WV:

    Fuck you Dinesh, if there was any way to send you back where you came from, I would contribute to your one-way ticket purchase … you are an embarrassment to your parents.

    The last bit is not something you know, is it?

    The rest is pretty ugly.

    And for the record, India is not in South-east Asia.

  125. 125.

    Robert Sneddon

    September 11, 2014 at 7:01 pm

    @scav: The 97% registration figure in Scotland is not that notable given the ease of registering to vote in the UK compared to the arcane and corrupt methodologies employed in the US.

    Basically anyone resident in the UK, and that includes a lot of foreign non-citizens for several local and national elections, gets their name put on the Register of Electors based on their place of residence. The Register is usually updated every September, the local government posts a form to each address in the area and someone, usually the homeowner fills the details of who lives there (name, age etc.) and their nationality and then mails it back. That’s it, no party affiliation, no signatures, no proof of identity required or poll tax or other bullshit. It’s an offence to vote if not entitled and people have been prosecuted in the past for doing so.

    There’s no bar to voting as a felon or criminal who has served their custodial sentence and there are moves afoot to give criminals in custody the right to vote. The only people specifically barred from voting are, to the delight of comedians for generations, people judged to be currently mentally incompetent and peers of the Realm.

  126. 126.

    Villago Delenda Est

    September 11, 2014 at 8:07 pm

    @Cervantes: D’Shithead is shit. Has nothing to do with his skin color, or his ethnicity, or his religion. It has to do with the gaping abyss that is the content of his character.

  127. 127.

    Cervantes

    September 11, 2014 at 8:32 pm

    @Villago Delenda Est: What are you talking about?

  128. 128.

    PhilbertDesanex

    September 11, 2014 at 10:29 pm

    @Trollhattan: What brain?

  129. 129.

    Procopius

    September 12, 2014 at 9:25 am

    @Amir Khalid: Of course he got paid more than you. Remember, it ain’t what you write, it’s who you write for. He’s deep, deep in the wingnut welfare trough.

  130. 130.

    Someguy

    September 12, 2014 at 10:42 am

    I’m pretty stoked that he’s about to go to federal prison for making illegal campaign donations. Given the existence of the Open Secrets.org database, i wonder if it wouldn’t be possible to rack up a lot more Republican donors for similar screwups?

  131. 131.

    The Lodger

    September 14, 2014 at 2:25 am

    @David in NY: What rape? Even a 6’6″, 300-pound Aryan Nation meth-cooker has some standards.

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