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You are here: Home / Open Threads / Because of wow. / For All Your Breaking News

For All Your Breaking News

by John Cole|  September 29, 201412:30 pm| 60 Comments

This post is in: Because of wow., Serenity Now!, Seriously, WTF?

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NO NO NO NO NO NO!:

Leading astrologers say that Charlotte Clinton Mezvinsky is destined for a future working on social justice and will enjoy a strong relationship with her proud grandparents, Hillary and Bill.

After Chelsea Clinton and Mark Mezvinsky’s daughter was born at 7:03 pm at Lenox Hill Hospital on Manhattan’s Upper East Side on Friday, POLITICO asked astrologers to weigh in on what is written in the stars for the former first daughter’s first daughter.

“She may not follow her family’s politics, but she will follow the family’s activism and social justice and finding a way to serve the world, following in that community organizing path and picking up the roots of her grandparents,”said Ophira Edut, of the AstroTwins and co-author of the book “Momstrology: The AstroTwins’ Guide to Parenting your Little One by the Stars.”

They asked them. They didn’t just report what some crank said, they solicited astrologers for advice.

Your media at work.

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Reader Interactions

60Comments

  1. 1.

    Literalreddy

    September 29, 2014 at 12:32 pm

    Still a more useful article than 99.9999% of what they publish.

  2. 2.

    The Illogical Planner

    September 29, 2014 at 12:32 pm

    Does this constitute the bottom? It would be irresponsible not to speculate…

  3. 3.

    JGabriel

    September 29, 2014 at 12:33 pm

    Next up: Politico Forecasts 2014 Election Results By Casting Bones and Reading Frog Entrails.

  4. 4.

    Villago Delenda Est

    September 29, 2014 at 12:34 pm

    Your media at work.

    I don’t know if I’d actually call it “work”, seeing as they’re now stenographers of woo.

    Politico is a sewer. Nuke it from space. Only way to be sure.

  5. 5.

    jon

    September 29, 2014 at 12:37 pm

    Such a bold prediction, too: she’ll have a lot of money and be attached to causes? Really? It’s almost as if they had to dig deep into the entrails of the goat to figure that one out. Also, she might not share her grandparents’ politics? Did the soothsayer have to slice open multiple bags of tea to get that at the bottom of a cup?

    I wonder what a dungeon master from a DC-area game store would make for her background? Would she have high charisma? Would her background include a little elf? I WANT TO HEAR FROM A DUNGEON MASTER!

  6. 6.

    c u n d gulag

    September 29, 2014 at 12:39 pm

    What, Politic, you couldn’t get confirmation from a tarot card reader?

    Because if you did, THEN and only then, could you be sure!

    Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh!

  7. 7.

    Villago Delenda Est

    September 29, 2014 at 12:43 pm

    Really, I do believe they should have interviewed Sybil Trelawny for this story. After all, this is a publication that operates in the vein or Rita Skeeter.

  8. 8.

    Bob2

    September 29, 2014 at 12:44 pm

    Oddly, this is better than reading David Frum’s tweets.

  9. 9.

    Suffern ACE

    September 29, 2014 at 12:44 pm

    Thank you for posting. I neeed a boost. My chart says I’m destined for a long week and as usual, is telling me that this is the week to break out of my Capricorn shell.

  10. 10.

    RaflW

    September 29, 2014 at 12:47 pm

    If astrology was good enough for Nancy Reagan, it’s good enough for Politico, dammit.

  11. 11.

    dmsilev

    September 29, 2014 at 12:48 pm

    They didn’t just report what some crank said

    In _this_ article, anyway. They run plenty of other articles with quotes from GOP lawmakers.

  12. 12.

    RaflW

    September 29, 2014 at 12:48 pm

    @Bob2: Well played, sir.

  13. 13.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    September 29, 2014 at 12:49 pm

    last week, Tweety hyperventilated at some Politico typist that Politico was “the best political publication out there, now and forever and always”, or some equivalent hyperbole. He’s also been recently angrily asking why Dick Cheney’s opinion is part of our political dialogue. He sees no contradiction between these attitudes.

    I’m sure they would say this is meant to be “light-hearted and fun!” They can’t make any such claim about hosting the Dark Lord and his just as nasty and just as wrong about everything and never elected to anything mate and spawn for a fawning interview.

  14. 14.

    JustRuss

    September 29, 2014 at 12:52 pm

    Honestly, do people actually read Politco, other than for amusement? I’m glad they published this, it puts the whole outfit in perspective. It’s one hell of a tell.

  15. 15.

    Belafon

    September 29, 2014 at 12:53 pm

    My middle son could do a Tarot card reading for them if they come by.

  16. 16.

    Grumpy Code Monkey

    September 29, 2014 at 12:53 pm

    Shit like this makes me wonder if I’m not really experiencing a slow-burning yet steadily worsening psychotic break, because this can’t be real. I would be far happier if someone could prove that my head was making all of this up.

    The alternative is too depressing to contemplate.

    At this rate, I fully expect to see at least one FOX News anchor in an actual clown costume before the end of the year.

  17. 17.

    schrodinger's cat

    September 29, 2014 at 12:54 pm

    Politico is a gossip rag for the politically well connected. People magazine for the Beltway set.

  18. 18.

    Betty Cracker

    September 29, 2014 at 12:57 pm

    When Pierce calls Politico “Tiger Beat on the Potomac,” that’s an insult. To Tiger Beat.

  19. 19.

    SatanicPanic

    September 29, 2014 at 12:59 pm

    @Villago Delenda Est: hehe nicely done

  20. 20.

    jl

    September 29, 2014 at 12:59 pm

    Cole’s heart is in the right place, but what part of ‘Win the morning’ does he not understand?

    I am not sure whether that should be considered a rhetorical question, or not.

  21. 21.

    JGabriel

    September 29, 2014 at 12:59 pm

    @JustRuss:

    Honestly, do people actually read Politco, other than for amusement?

    Some of us read it to confirm our despair and the coming end times.

  22. 22.

    ruemara

    September 29, 2014 at 1:08 pm

    If anything can make you say, “Oh fuck it”, this sort of news coverage can.

  23. 23.

    kc

    September 29, 2014 at 1:08 pm

    *gazes into crystal ball* Charlotte Clinton Mezvinsky is destined for a future as an MSNBC correspondent.

  24. 24.

    RaflW

    September 29, 2014 at 1:08 pm

    @Grumpy Code Monkey:

    The alternative is too depressing to contemplate.

    The decline and fall of the American empire, in real time, is kinda a debby downer, innit?

  25. 25.

    MattF

    September 29, 2014 at 1:16 pm

    Next, the magic 8-ball– “Reply hazy try again.”

  26. 26.

    The Pale Scot

    September 29, 2014 at 1:26 pm

    Since we’re along about the media;

    Breitbart Writer: Men Who Support Feminism Are “Sexually Frustrated Dickless Wonders”

    When I first saw this at LGF I thought it said Breitbart writer says writers at Breitbart are “Sexually Frustrated Dickless Wonders”

    But I’m always being disappointed.

  27. 27.

    The Other Chuck

    September 29, 2014 at 1:27 pm

    they solicited astrologers for advice.

    So you’re saying they’ve improved their reporting?

  28. 28.

    Villago Delenda Est

    September 29, 2014 at 1:29 pm

    @The Pale Scot: It’s always projection with these assholes.

    Always.

  29. 29.

    James E Powell

    September 29, 2014 at 1:29 pm

    The top NewsMax headline I see when I come here has O’Reilly saying “Kissinger is with me on ISIS.”

    Apparently he believes that’s a good thing. Another sign of our nation’s Great Divide.

  30. 30.

    Roger Moore

    September 29, 2014 at 1:30 pm

    @The Illogical Planner:

    Does this constitute the bottom?

    I don’t think they’ve quite finished scraping through the bottom of the barrel yet.

  31. 31.

    Violet

    September 29, 2014 at 1:31 pm

    she will follow the family’s activism and social justice and finding a way to serve the world,

    Wow, that’s a stretch. Definitely need a crystal ball or tarot cards for that one.

  32. 32.

    Violet

    September 29, 2014 at 1:34 pm

    @ruemara: Hey there. How are you doing this morning? How are things at work? Did you get the dog?

  33. 33.

    Violet

    September 29, 2014 at 1:35 pm

    @The Illogical Planner: There is no bottom. Just when you think they’re at the bottom, the floor drops out and there’s further to go.

  34. 34.

    Bill E Pilgrim

    September 29, 2014 at 1:37 pm

    Actually if your entire existence is about asking Republicans questions and then printing the thoroughly predictable responses, then engaging a seer to predict the future isn’t much of a stretch. Or much of a risk.

    News Flash: Politico sees the future, and it’s composed entirely of Republican talking points. Funnily enough, just like the past was.

  35. 35.

    feebog

    September 29, 2014 at 1:38 pm

    @Roger Moore:

    I don’t think they’ve quite finished scraping through the bottom of the barrel yet.

    Still looking for that one bad apple and fish heads.

  36. 36.

    mellowjohn

    September 29, 2014 at 1:39 pm

    every day, network moves closer and closer to becoming a documentary.

  37. 37.

    the Conster

    September 29, 2014 at 1:43 pm

    Just recently finished moving, was offline for several days (except my phone) and am back online – have decided to stay offline. It’s amazing how less shitty the world appears out the window in the absence of fear mongering, hatred of other, and utter bullshit like this turd and whatever other ‘news’ passes through the puke funnel in the late stages of American empire. GBCW.

  38. 38.

    Roger Moore

    September 29, 2014 at 1:44 pm

    @Bill E Pilgrim:

    Actually if your entire existence is about asking Republicans questions and then printing the thoroughly predictable responses, then engaging a seer to predict the future isn’t much of a stretch. Or much of a risk.

    It’s a terrible risk. The seer is likely to be more accurate than the Republicans, and that will call their predictions into question. It’s only safe in this case because the predictions are so far into the future that nobody will know or care by the time we can see if they’re correct. But asking an astrologer would be downright folly if they were asking about something closer to the present.

  39. 39.

    Enhanced Voting Techniques

    September 29, 2014 at 1:48 pm

    Astrology in an allegedly political article? Just wow on the rejection of the Age of Reason.

  40. 40.

    The Dangerman

    September 29, 2014 at 1:52 pm

    I said last night and I’ll say it again; it was a mistake for the Clinton’s to release the photo of them with their granddaughter.

    Of course, I got lit up by some that said “they’re just proud Grandparents”. Bullshit. They are proud grandparents that are running (presumably) for the Presidency. Each and EVERY single thing they do in public will be dissected and then dissected some more. Note that this isn’t specific to Hillary being of the feminine persuasion; it’s happened to Obama, too (“Oh, dear, he wore a tan suit!”). This may not be fair or right, but it is the way things go in 2014. The Clinton’s HAD to have known releasing a photo of them with the Grandchild would elicit a response.

  41. 41.

    ruemara

    September 29, 2014 at 1:53 pm

    @Violet: There was too much to deal with for the manager, so she stayed with the dog. I’ve touched base with almost all the staff and I think I’m going to go take a walk and spring for a cup of coffee or something. This day reminds me of how I felt on 9/11. Just vague.

  42. 42.

    Roger Moore

    September 29, 2014 at 1:57 pm

    @The Dangerman:

    I said last night and I’ll say it again; it was a mistake for the Clinton’s to release the photo of them with their granddaughter.

    No, it wasn’t. That picture is going to go over very well with ordinary, decent human beings; it will help to soften the Clintons’ image. The only people who buy into the hateful nonsense being spewed about it were never going to vote for Clinton anyway. It’s the same thing with anything they do for publicity; anything can be twisted and used against them, but it will only work among people who were predisposed to hate them.

  43. 43.

    Violet

    September 29, 2014 at 1:58 pm

    @ruemara: Do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself. It’s a terrible shock and it’s going to take awhile to process. Glad you’re doing as well as can be expected.

  44. 44.

    Violet

    September 29, 2014 at 2:02 pm

    @The Dangerman: That’s stupid. They’re public figures–all of them except Chelsea’s husband–and there has been a lot of interest in the baby. Hillary and Bill get asked about being a grandparent all the time. They release a nice photo of the two of them looking understandably elated as they hold their first grandchild. It’s a lovely photo and there’s nothing wrong with releasing it. Normal people see that as a happy moment, even if they’re not fans of the Clintons.

    If they hadn’t released it the wingnut attack crew would be spewing “Hillary afraid of looking old–refuses to be seen with granddaughter!” crap. Or worse, saying there was something wrong with the baby. There’s no way out of that kind of thing.

  45. 45.

    Gene108

    September 29, 2014 at 2:09 pm

    Shoddy reporting. Not thorough at all.

    No Indian/Vedic astrologers or Chinese astrologers were contacted.

    In true Politico fashion they only reported one side of the story.

  46. 46.

    catclub

    September 29, 2014 at 2:22 pm

    @The Pale Scot: Given that it is always projection with that crowd, you were correct.

  47. 47.

    cckids

    September 29, 2014 at 2:27 pm

    @Violet:

    It’s a lovely photo and there’s nothing wrong with releasing it. Normal people see that as a happy moment, even if they’re not fans of the Clintons.

    It also reminds many people of something that they’ve always liked about the Clintons – their parenting. Only Limbaugh-level jerks didn’t acknowledge that they did a great job as parents.

  48. 48.

    Enhanced Voting Techniques

    September 29, 2014 at 2:47 pm

    @James E Powell: ““I was with Henry Kissinger last night and he told me my idea of a worldwide anti-terror force paid for by the coalition of nations under the supervision of Congress. … Kissinger has endorsed that for years,” O’Reilly told ABC host George Stephanopoulos,”

    Wow that is so packed with stupid.

  49. 49.

    catclub

    September 29, 2014 at 2:54 pm

    @Enhanced Voting Techniques: There was a movie: Team America World Force, right? Most people outside OReilly thought it was a joke.

  50. 50.

    Bill E Pilgrim

    September 29, 2014 at 3:11 pm

    @Roger Moore: No I meant that it’s not difficult to predict what will be said on your site when you always talk to Republicans and they always say the same thing, so seeing the future should be old hat for them. It was kind of a joke.

  51. 51.

    Enhanced Voting Techniques

    September 29, 2014 at 3:13 pm

    @catclub: what I don’t get is why are these people gushing over basically an armed version of the UN? Even if you accept terrorism is a serious threat that Hilter-Stalin then “paid for by the coalition of nations under the supervision of Congress” is about the dumbest way to do it. Basically it means it we will do most of the paying for a group of mercs that will be at the beck and call for all these other countries (it’s not like Congress is capable of supervising their own lunches)

  52. 52.

    Villago Delenda Est

    September 29, 2014 at 3:14 pm

    @Enhanced Voting Techniques: These people hate the Enlightenment with every fiber in their beings. They want a return to Divine Right of the Rich, or Feudalism, or whatever they fuck you want to call it so bad they can taste it.

    Wipe them out. All of them.

  53. 53.

    Villago Delenda Est

    September 29, 2014 at 3:16 pm

    @Gene108: They also failed to consult with “Biblically based” numerologists, which makes them agents of Satan.

    So there’s that.

  54. 54.

    burnspbesq

    September 29, 2014 at 3:28 pm

    Politico bet that this ridiculous twaddle would be click-bait. Cole took the bait.

    Who won?

  55. 55.

    NotMax

    September 29, 2014 at 3:29 pm

    Astrologers.

    Plural.

    That’s more sources (for a fluff piece) than Politico generally consults or cites for a topic of actual import.

    (In no way meant to imply that astrologers are anything other than charlatans or whackaloons.)

  56. 56.

    Roger Moore

    September 29, 2014 at 3:33 pm

    @Bill E Pilgrim:
    And my response is that astrologers are less predictable and more likely to be right than the Republican talking heads, so it’s a big risk for somebody who wants to back the Republicans in everything- also a bit of a joke.

  57. 57.

    danielx

    September 29, 2014 at 3:46 pm

    Let me consult my crystal ball……

    It says Politico is so full of shit it’s about to start rolling out of its employees’ ears.

  58. 58.

    CarolDuhart2

    September 29, 2014 at 4:25 pm

    @burnspbesq: Politico did, and besides its just as well. There’s little news to be had about a 2 day old baby who’s apparently healthy, and a product of a happy marriage.

    Besides this old astrologer knows that the future really is what she makes it to be, famous parents or no.

  59. 59.

    Ben Cisco

    September 29, 2014 at 4:29 pm

    I’m disappointed that the Orb of Prophecy and Change was not consulted for this article.

  60. 60.

    Quaker in a Basement

    September 29, 2014 at 5:52 pm

    Attorneys for the Chayefsky estate on line 2, Mr. VandeHai.

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