Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

White supremacy is terrorism.

It’s the corruption, stupid.

And we’re all out of bubblegum.

The poor and middle-class pay taxes, the rich pay accountants, the wealthy pay politicians.

You come for women, you’re gonna get your ass kicked.

How can republicans represent us when they don’t trust women?

Spilling the end game before they can coat it in frankl luntz-approved dogwhistles.

He wakes up lying, and he lies all day.

… pundit janitors mopping up after the GOP

It’s time for the GOP to dust off that post-2012 autopsy, completely ignore it, and light the party on fire again.

… riddled with inexplicable and elementary errors of law and fact

Technically true, but collectively nonsense

Accountability, motherfuckers.

The willow is too close to the house.

Nancy smash is sick of your bullshit.

I conferred with the team and they all agree – still not tired of winning!

Despite his magical powers, I don’t think Trump is thinking this through, to be honest.

Thanks to your bullshit, we are now under siege.

Come on, man.

JFC, are there no editors left at that goddamn rag?

I’m pretty sure there’s only one Jack Smith.

If you tweet it in all caps, that makes it true!

Everybody saw this coming.

Since when do we limit our critiques to things we could do better ourselves?

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56Comments

  5. 5.

    stoned stats

    Wow! When I started a new job last year, I saw a jet black squirrel on campus and thought, “One of the fraternities must have caught that thing and spray painted it.” Then I saw a couple others and asked someone about it, and sure enough, black squirrels are a thing. I’ve lived the majority of my life within 20 miles of where I now work, and I never saw anything like it.

  9. 9.

    mai naem mobile

    Surprised an alligator hasnt gotten to it. I mean I figured George Zimmerman wouldnt shoot it because its white and all.

  10. 10.

    muddy

    There is a white deer I’ve seen quite a bit near me. It’s too young to see if it’s male or female yet. Has just a tiny bit of brown on the back of the head and one brown ear. I guess it would stand out to be easily shot in the fall next year. On the other hand, if we had a lot of snow (like we used to) it would fare pretty well.

  11. 11.

    Comrade Mary

    @stoned stats: Where are you? Most Toronto squirrels are black, and they have been found elsewhere for a long time.

    But apparently grey squirrels are throwing black mutants more often these days:

    Helen McRobie, senior lecturer in Biomedical Science at Anglia Ruskin University, said: “If you look closely at grey squirrel hairs, they are not actually grey at all but are a combination of white, black and orange stripes.

    “However, the hairs of black squirrels have no stripes; they are just plain black.

    “Our research shows that one hormone turns the switch on to make black fur, and a different hormone turns the switch off to make orange and white fur.

    “So in the grey squirrel, as the fur is growing, the switch turns on and off to make the stripes.

    “However, in the black squirrel, because there is a piece of DNA missing, a piece of the switch is also missing.

    “The first hormone that switches it on still works and black fur is made, but the second hormone that should switch off, actually switches on as well. The off switch fails and the black fur continues to grow.”

    The black squirrel is the same species as the grey squirrel and poses no threat to the variety.

  12. 12.

    cbear

    I think it’s pretty obvious from his suspicious body-language that that squirrel is up to no good.
    Probably an ACORN volunteer.

  14. 14.

    muddy

    @Comrade Mary: I thought also I read something a while ago that the trees had changed over time (climate and disease) and the amount of squirrels of one color or another changed over time as some were better able to have good camo with the new tree mix?

  17. 17.

    Pogonip

    Oh, boy! Now I can shoot those :)$;$($$!! squirrels on the basis I’m conducting a squirrel-hair-color study.

    We had a lot of white squirrels in our neighborhood a few years ago but I think my neighbor’s collection of cats killed them all, haven’t seen any in quite a while. We had one unique gray with a white tail, it’s been gone for three or four years.

    I hate squirrels. The only thing they are good for is frying, however, DO NOT EAT city squirrels, it’s dangerous. Chow down on their healthier country cousins.

  18. 18.

    Betty Cracker

    @schrodinger’s cat: Me too, particularly since one of our lame-brained neighbors feeds feral cats. Maybe the squirrel has secret ninja powers.

    @Pogonip: What did squirrels ever do to you? My hubby dislikes them because they dig up his potted plants, but he leaves them alone because I say so.

  19. 19.

    JoyceH

    Olney Illinois is home to a colony of white squirrels, but they’re albinos – have red eyes. It’s their claim to fame – when I lived there the police had white squirrel patches on their uniforms.

  21. 21.

    Betty Cracker

    @JoyceH:

    …the police had white squirrel patches on their uniforms.

    Awww, that’s cute. Before we ever saw the white squirrel above, my mom, kid and I vacationed up in Brevard, NC, which is allegedly also home to a colony of white squirrels — they even have an annual white squirrel festival. I say “allegedly” because despite much searching, we never saw a white squirrel during our visit. We first spotted Salt pictured above shortly after returning home and all noted the irony. BTW, Salt has black eyes, so I guess he’s not an albino.

  22. 22.

    Pogonip

    @Betty Cracker: I hate them for the same reason your husband does, and also because they are generally destructive, causing millions of dollars in property damage annually. City squirrels delenda est! (We’ll get to it right after we tackle the Village.)

    Joyce, our white squirrels weren’t albino. Kent, Ohio, is famous not only for the unfortunate incident at its college in 1972 (?), but for black squirrels. I’ve never seen any black squirrels in Pogonipville, although many years ago I did see a black red fox, if that makes sense; quite a pretty creature.

  23. 23.

    Trollhattan

    Hate to plop a downer in such a snarkiliscious thread, but this guy is on the loose and very much in need of arrest and locking away from decent people and critters everywhere. Gah.

  24. 24.

    Pogonip

    @Betty Cracker: My neighbor’s cat collection is also feral. Started with one litter of cute kittens–no animal shelter would take them, so… Those cute, but wild, kittens have multiplied into ten or so wild cats. A darn shame because most of them are “lynx point” and quite beautiful.

  26. 26.

    Sister Rail Gun of Warm Humanitarianism

    @Trollhattan: I’ll bump up the mood a bit with this: FCC Sacks NFL Blackout Rule in Unanimous Vote

    “The bottom line,” Wheeler wrote, “is the NFL no longer needs the government’s help to remain viable. And we at the FCC shouldn’t be complicit in preventing sports fans from watching their favorite teams on TV. It’s time to sack the sports blackout rules for good.”

  27. 27.

    Origuy

    I first saw black squirrels at Stanley Park in Vancouver. I’d only heard of black squirrels in The Hobbit. I wondered if I was entering Mirkwood.

  29. 29.

    Betty Cracker

    @Trollhattan: What a worthless piece of shit that guy is. I hope he meets the fate he deserves.

    @Pogonip: Talk about destructive. Those cats will kill more wildlife and cause more property damage than a legion of squirrels. Well, if you consider pissing all over everything a form of property damage, which I do…

  30. 30.

    Tone In DC

    @BGinCHI:

    Guessing the white squirrel hoards all the nuts and won’t let the other squirrels vote.

    LULz.

    Given the preponderance of grey squirrels, I think Salt may be out to improve his tan before winter gets here (SPF45 for the little furry dude, fer shur), at Palm Beach Tanning or such.

    Hope he has enough acorns to pay for the session. Or, he could be a Faux News, bitcoin type rodent.

  31. 31.

    Tone In DC

    @schrodinger’s cat:

    I wonder how some kitteh has not got around to eating Salt, yet.

    Hey! Be nice to the improperly striped little furball. He can’t help it that he has recessive genes. Maybe he’ll scamper down to NIH and schedule an appointment to discuss it with the SMEs on staff.

    The little bastards are usually too quick for the cats around here. They jump around from tree branch to tree branch, and then chatter angrily at the feline interlopers for messing up the acorn gathering schedule.

  32. 32.

    Pogonip

    @Betty Cracker: Yep, and I actually had the chance to put down one of the latest crop of kittens, but I feared my cat-loving neighbor was looking out and didn’t want to ruin her day, so I swept it into a box as it couldn’t be handled and took it to her ( there was something wrong with it, it couldn’t stand) and darned if she didn’t cure whatever ailed it. Sigh. I wish she’d use her powers for good. I’m hoping she’ll have to give up feeding the growing multitude.

  36. 36.

    Pogonip

    My message to Alley Cat Allies is on its way! This is great. I hope they will violate the last American taboo and come onto hallowed Private Property.

  39. 39.

    geg6

    @stoned stats:

    Ha! Here in Southwestern PA, we have no black squirrels that I’m aware of, but we’ve had the hawks in large numbers for many years now and our bald eagles are not only making a comeback, but becoming international celebrities!

  41. 41.

    Arclite

    Heh, Salt for the Cracker. Funny.

    Also, my grandparents are retired in FL, and work hard to get Dems elected there. So Betty isn’t the only worthy person in FL. =D

  42. 42.

    Pogonip

    @geg6: Whenever we go to Niagara Falls we NEVER see a black squirrel. Maybe the word gets passed that She Who Hates Squirrels is coming and they all hide till I’m gone.

    The last time I was there I saw tons of chipmunks. It was like a convention, and, considering the location, maybe it was!

  43. 43.

    Trollhattan

    @Betty Cracker: @shelley:
    I’ve closed the Worst Person in the World Search desk. No longer needed. Need him off my streets, like yesterday–I hope the cops do this speedily and that a K9 unit makes the collar.

    “We’re not sure what happened behind the car, or what he might have done to provoke officers Rex and Mister Buttons. We’ve retreived as much of him as we can.”

  44. 44.

    Paul in KY

    @Trollhattan: His POS GF (who actually was the dog’s owner) covered up for him & is on the run with him. What a couple losers.

    If that was my dog/cat, you’d have to come get my guns…

  47. 47.

    Waynski

    @JoyceH:

    Olney Illinois is home to a colony of white squirrels, but they’re albinos – have red eyes. It’s their claim to fame – when I lived there the police had white squirrel patches on their uniforms.

    My wife grew up in Olney and that’s quite true — seen them myself visiting family. They also have a different kind of colonies of white squirrels there with red eyes, they’re called meth heads. Apparently, there’s some way to cook meth using an ingredient drained from liquid fertilizer tanks in the corn fields.

  48. 48.

    ericblair

    @Paul in KY:

    Most domestic, well-fed cats won’t tangle with them, as they will bite bad when fighting for their lives.

    Chipmunks are another matter. I’ve seen some of those cat-on-rodent incidents around here, and the chipmunks are complete morons and easy pickings. One cat cornered a chipmunk and the chipmunk went into some sort of half-assed ninja stance, which didn’t seem to faze the cat very much who just grabbed it by the neck again. The housecats just seem to toy with them for a while and then get bored.

  49. 49.

    JR in WV

    there are black squirrels up in NE Ohio now too.

    We have an appaloosa deer, normal brown/gray on the front, mostly white and dappled on the back end; like the whole rear 40% is white.

    There’s also an albino yearling deer in the local woods, too.

  51. 51.

    HeartlandLiberal

    Several years ago I was in Louisville, Ky, attending a writing conference with my wife. From the main cafeteria window I got I good photo of an albino squirrel who lived on campus and was dining well from the garbage receptacles situated along the sidewalk below the cafeteria.

    And in parts of northern Indiana we visit occasionally, especially Nappanee, they have a large population of dark black squirrels.

    There is even a “Black Squirrel Golf Club” in nearby Goshen, Indiana. By Gosh.

  53. 53.

    Don K

    @schrodinger’s cat:

    IME cats leave squirrels the hell alone. I think momma cats must tell the kids, “don’t fuck with the squirrels, them’s mean critters”. Our late Billy was an awesome hunter of mice, chipmunks, rabbits, and birds (once jumped from the middle of a spruce tree to a branch to nab a bird), but he didn’t mess with squirrels at all. Didn’t even act interested in them.

  54. 54.

    Don K

    @ericblair:

    Our Pepper plays with mice and chipmunks for a while (toss them in the air, let them run away a bit, catch, repeat), til they die of heart attacks, then they’re no good as toys. She hasn’t figured out they’re food, too. Billy loved a good mouse or chipmunk snack, and I got used to cleaning eviscerated, headless corpses off of the front porch.

  56. 56.

    Hunter

    @stoned stats: We have periodic appearances by black squirrels in Chicago — I saw one in the park the other day, as a matter of fact. I’ve also seen them around periodically in various neighborhoods I’ve lived in. They seem to come and go.

    Never seen a white one, though.

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