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You are here: Home / Elections / Election 2014 / Fandango

Fandango

by Betty Cracker|  October 16, 20149:18 am| 142 Comments

This post is in: Election 2014, Open Threads, Politics, Assholes

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As the world now knows, Florida Governor Rick Scott is petty enough to pout in his dressing room like a diva and delay a gubernatorial debate over a small battery-powered fan installed under his opponent’s podium. That’s the story that grabbed all the headlines, and as John pointed out last night, it may cost Scott reelection.

If FanGate takes Scott down, so be it: Al Capone was ultimately jailed for tax evasion, after all. But for many of us who watched the debate live, the fan standoff wasn’t even the weirdest part. What left the mister and I shaking our heads in wonder was Scott’s constant struggle — and consistent failure — to come across as an actual human being.

Here’s an example — a two-minute clip of both candidates’ closing statements. This should be a gimme putt for any half-way competent politician: There are no gotcha questions; it’s just you making a 60-second pitch for votes. Watch how badly Scott bungles it:*

I don’t speak much Spanish at all, but even I can tell he fucks that part up too. You can go to C-SPAN and watch any random clip of Scott speaking last night, and it will be just as cringe-inducing.

Even though the circumstances of their employment indicate that they’re evil, the handlers charged with installing human-like sound bites into this alien life form for regurgitation onstage are to be pitied.

The mystery isn’t how Scott was elected in the first place; he purchased the governorship straight up for $72 million. The mystery is how he ever functioned as a CEO. I’ve been acquainted with a few of that species in my time, and though they are frequently arrogant, ruthless pricks, all displayed at least a rudimentary trace of what we call “people skills.”

Scott’s wondrous Medicare fraud skill set must have conveyed itself to higher-ups early in his career by some means other than human interaction. Let’s just hope the goddamn fan was the seventh Horcrux.

*I apologize for the laggy audio, but trust me, it was just as surreal live.

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Reader Interactions

142Comments

  1. 1.

    Botsplainer

    October 16, 2014 at 9:22 am

    Love the title. Catchy beat you can dance to.

  2. 2.

    Belafon

    October 16, 2014 at 9:23 am

    I feel for the boy that has to die before we can finally be rid of Scott.

  3. 3.

    jibeaux

    October 16, 2014 at 9:24 am

    Am I the only one wondering who he diddled when he starts his speech with how he wants to thank his wife for standing by him? Or is that just psychological because he looks like a giant weiner?

  4. 4.

    Villago Delenda Est

    October 16, 2014 at 9:29 am

    @Belafon: The boy doesn’t actually die….Scott will just destroy the inadvertently created seventh horcrux, and his last possible link to humanity. All he has to do is express genuine remorse for his many crimes.

    Scott will not do so. Nor will any of his Death Eaters.

  5. 5.

    Brandon

    October 16, 2014 at 9:30 am

    Is it hopeless to wonder whether the Village will look at Scott’s petulant hissy fit about a fan and declare that he has “disqualified” himself? I know it is asking too much, but this is seriously the type of red meat, non-substantive crap that they are supposed to go hog wild for. But I know, IOKIYAR.

  6. 6.

    c u n d gulag

    October 16, 2014 at 9:32 am

    ZOINKS!

    What an ass!

  7. 7.

    Betty Cracker

    October 16, 2014 at 9:37 am

    @Brandon: I don’t think they’ll come right out and say he disqualified himself — that sort of opprobrium is reserved for Democrats who fuck up. But FanGate is dominating the news cycle, ensuring that the millions of voters who didn’t watch the debate will walk away with that impression of Scott. It’s a pity that his horrible mismanagement of the state and bald-faced corruption wasn’t enough to do him in and that it took a four minutes hissy fit, but here we are.

  8. 8.

    the Conster

    October 16, 2014 at 9:37 am

    @Brandon:

    “Charlie Crist should be ashamed that he needed a fan”. /Chuck Todd

  9. 9.

    Emma

    October 16, 2014 at 9:40 am

    The android was programmed by the same guy who programmed the HAL9000.

  10. 10.

    Corner Stone

    October 16, 2014 at 9:42 am

    @Emma: “Just what do you think you’re doing, Charlie?”

  11. 11.

    aimai

    October 16, 2014 at 9:42 am

    Wow. You alluded to the “good boy” line before Betty but nothing prepared me for the real effect. Truly astounding. Plus i love “I’d love to get your vote.” This just adds to the “badly translated from the original martian” quality of the ending. He doesn’t ask for your vote politely, like Crist did, he simply casually gabbles it off like he is proposing to eat you for breakfast “I’d love to have your kidneys…just hold still while my men remove them” is kind of the way it comes off.

  12. 12.

    WereBear

    October 16, 2014 at 9:47 am

    @Betty Cracker: It’s a pity that his horrible mismanagement of the state and bald-faced corruption wasn’t enough to do him in and that it took a four minutes hissy fit, but here we are.

    It’s because the hissy fit will get wall-to-wall coverage. Rampant incompetence and gleeful corruption? Not nearly so much.

  13. 13.

    the Conster

    October 16, 2014 at 9:51 am

    Wow. Just… wow. Batboy meets Men in Black meets Max Headroom, and not in a good way.

  14. 14.

    gene108

    October 16, 2014 at 9:54 am

    What got me in his opening remarks is Scott said he lived in public housing as a kid. I fucking hate right-wingers, who survived childhood because of the social safety net, but want to cut it out for others.

  15. 15.

    dmsilev

    October 16, 2014 at 9:54 am

    I assume that if there’s a second debate, Governor Lex Luthor will insist on being allowed to wear his powered exoskeleton?

  16. 16.

    MomSense

    October 16, 2014 at 10:01 am

    I don’t know what to think anymore. In my opinion, that was an incredibly strange performance by Scott. I can’t imagine voting for that guy–then again I look at the House Republican Caucus and wonder just what kind of meth or pharmaceuticals people were on when they voted for those wahoos.

    My oldest is always telling me that the problem is that at least half the country is stupid. And it seems like half of the half that isn’t stupid doesn’t vote in midterm elections which meets the Forrest Gump criteria for stupid.

    When I factor in some of the asinine things I have heard in my persuasion and GOTV calls–I wanna be sedated. I guess this morning I’m on Team America – Yeah Seriously WTF??

  17. 17.

    Enhanced Voting Techniques

    October 16, 2014 at 10:03 am

    @the Conster: huh, just googling Scot he really looks like Max Headroom from his pictures. This guy was a CEO, much-less he was elected governor to large state and considered presidential timber?

  18. 18.

    gene108

    October 16, 2014 at 10:04 am

    Also, one thing I don’t get about Rick Scott’s description of his family is that his mother divorced her husband, when she was pregnant with Rick.

    By not calling the husband his father, am I to assume his father is not the divorced abusive husband and if so, who is his father?

    There’s just something there that does not seem to make sense to me.

    Bil Clinton’s father, Mr. Blythe, died while his mom was preggers. She remarried after Bill was born. His step-father, Mr. Clinton, was abusive. The family tree in this circumstance makes sense. The Clinton family tree is easily communicated, but how Scott described his family makes no sense as to who is father is in the chain of events leading up to his mother’s divorce of the abusive husband.

    P.S. I hope Bat Boy was not involved., with the Scott family. He is one of America’s true heroes.

  19. 19.

    Ben Cisco

    October 16, 2014 at 10:05 am

    What left the mister and I shaking our heads in wonder was Scott’s constant struggle — and consistent failure — to come across as an actual human being.

    Algorithms can only approximate, not duplicate.

  20. 20.

    Kevin

    October 16, 2014 at 10:06 am

    I love when he thanked his daughters, paused because he didn’t know what to thank them for, then decided “for being such wonderful members of our family”.

    It sounds like he hired them and is thanking them for running the accounts payable department well.

  21. 21.

    Corner Stone

    October 16, 2014 at 10:06 am

    Obama Promises a ‘SWAT-like’ Response to Ebola
    I wonder if he means they’re going to break into the wrong house, shoot the dog and confiscate all the loot?

  22. 22.

    gussie

    October 16, 2014 at 10:08 am

    @Kevin: I was thinking the same. ‘I want to thank my daughters for being my female children …’

  23. 23.

    Ruckus

    October 16, 2014 at 10:09 am

    @Kevin:
    Well he does seem to use them like most CEO’s use employees, maybe he just sees them as something that can enhance his political life. I’d imagine it’s hard to have genuine love for anyone when your whole life is about fucking over everyone for money.

  24. 24.

    Cervantes

    October 16, 2014 at 10:09 am

    @aimai:

    “I’d love to have your kidneys…just hold still while my men remove them”

    And it’ll work, too, on roughly 27% of the electorate.

  25. 25.

    PurpleGirl

    October 16, 2014 at 10:13 am

    @Emma: I think Rick Scott seemed closer to Max Headroom than the HAL 9000.

  26. 26.

    aimai

    October 16, 2014 at 10:16 am

    @WereBear: Dkos has a few diaries up about Scott with a number of jaw droppingly horrible video clips. The guy is like a parody of a human being. He doesn’t blink–at all. There are several clips where he refuses, over and over again, to honestly answer a question and simply repeats a deceptive, inaccurate response, in identical terms, over and over again without blinking once. His eyes are kept so wide open and with so fixed and glassy a stare that he looks like a really bad con man who is determined to keep you distracted from what his hands are doing as he pickpockets you.

    He violates all normal rules of human engagement and gives off a stench of dishonesty–thank goodness he’s not the democrat in this race because it really does go beyond partisan identification. Anyone would say the same watching the clips without ID or even sound.

    However, that being said, as Karl Rove famously observed the goal is to do politics in dumb show, news for people who watch with the sound off. My guess is that Scott has gotten by because 1) older republicans rote vote and 2) they do watch the news with the sound off and also with one eye, as background, so that they don’t really come to these interviews or debates with any kind of intentionality or awareness. Just like when you look in your closet for a piece of clothing you don’t really “see” everything that is hanging there–just the piece you are looking for.

  27. 27.

    Villago Delenda Est

    October 16, 2014 at 10:16 am

    @Kevin:

    It sounds like he hired them and is thanking them for running the accounts payable department well.

    Given that his wife took over the family business when he got elected governor (the family business being theft and grifting) this is fully plausible.

  28. 28.

    Cervantes

    October 16, 2014 at 10:17 am

    @gene108:

    By not calling the husband his father, am I to assume his father is not the divorced abusive husband and if so, who is his father?

    I can understand that he thinks of his adoptive father as his father, and his biological (and wife-abusing) father as his mother’s (first) husband. As you say, he did not know the latter very well.

  29. 29.

    schrodinger's cat

    October 16, 2014 at 10:17 am

    @gene108: I also hate anti-immigrant candidates whose parents were immigrants, themselves.

  30. 30.

    Emma

    October 16, 2014 at 10:17 am

    @PurpleGirl: Nah. The HAL was considerably more scary. I’ve lived through the Scott years in Florida and they are terrifying. It will take the state several decades to recover. And, just to top off the terror tank, there’s a real good chance, we’ll have him for more years.

  31. 31.

    mdblanche

    October 16, 2014 at 10:17 am

    My Spanish is a little rusty but I think he said it’s an hour to be your governess.

  32. 32.

    Ruckus

    October 16, 2014 at 10:17 am

    @aimai:

    “I’d love to have your kidneys…just hold still while my men remove them” is kind of the way it comes off.

    How else would you expect someone/something to act given his history? Everything is about money and how he goes about taking it from everyone. He has no, well until we get a better word, soul.

  33. 33.

    Botsplainer

    October 16, 2014 at 10:20 am

    @aimai:

    He doesn’t blink–at all.

    shudder

    Non-blinkers freak me the fuck OUT.

    They’re nearly as off-putting as clowns.

  34. 34.

    SiubhanDuinne

    October 16, 2014 at 10:21 am

    Charles Pierce was over here last night — he commented briefly in John’s thread about “Rick Scott Debate Meltdown” thread — so naturally I was looking forward to what he would have to say. He did not disappoint.

  35. 35.

    gvg

    October 16, 2014 at 10:22 am

    Did you catch this? I think it was even more revealing than the fan tantrum. In a lightning round at the end of the contentious debate, each candidate was asked to say something nice about his opponent.

    “I want to commend him on how he’s handled the Ebola situation,” said Crist. “It’s better to be prepared than panic.”

    When it was Scott’s turn, he paused.

    “That was pretty nice of him,” he said of Crist’s Ebola comment, offering no other compliment.

    Bad manners, poor preparation

  36. 36.

    the Conster

    October 16, 2014 at 10:23 am

    @Enhanced Voting Techniques:

    Romney/Scott 2016!! America the Beautiful Uncanny Valley!

  37. 37.

    Roger Moore

    October 16, 2014 at 10:26 am

    @Brandon:

    Is it hopeless to wonder whether the Village will look at Scott’s petulant hissy fit about a fan and declare that he has “disqualified” himself?

    Yes, it’s hopeless to expect that. SATSQ.

  38. 38.

    Betty Cracker

    October 16, 2014 at 10:27 am

    @Botsplainer: OMFG, imagine Scott in a cloud costume! Jesus, I’ll never sleep again!

    @Cervantes: I think that’s the story, but I’m not sure. He did thank his late mother for divorcing the abuser at least twice during the debate, in hideously awkward fashion every time.

    His handlers should just drop the “act human” shtick and emphasize the durable, wipe-clean exterior or something else inanimate. It’s just too painful to watch Scott trying to project humanity. I hate the motherfucker, and I was nearly catatonic with pity.

  39. 39.

    Xantar

    October 16, 2014 at 10:28 am

    @gene108:

    I fucking hate right-wingers, who survived childhood because of the social safety net, but want to cut it out for others.

    I hate the American voters who admire such politicians for rising up from that childhood. It’s like they can’t make a basic connection. Or they think social safety nets are magical programs that descend from on high and not something provided by the government that they want to cut so much.

  40. 40.

    Roger Moore

    October 16, 2014 at 10:31 am

    @mdblanche:
    I thought he was saying he will not buy this record, it is scratched.

  41. 41.

    Thor Heyerdahl

    October 16, 2014 at 10:33 am

    Betty Cracker:

    @Botsplainer: OMFG, imagine Scott in a cloud costume! Jesus, I’ll never sleep again!

    Or a clown costume even. Looks like autocorrect got you like the fan got Rick Scott.

    But Scott in a cloud costume puts a whole new spin on “don’t piss on me and tell me it’s raining.”

  42. 42.

    mdblanche

    October 16, 2014 at 10:33 am

    @the Conster: Their campaign song will be “A Bicycle Built for Two.”

  43. 43.

    scav

    October 16, 2014 at 10:34 am

    @Botsplainer: Eeeehw, does that mean I have to watch it again or find other examples? I thought I was weirded out in part by his flat, oddly-unrhythmic blinking! Maybe I imagined it: a hallucination generated by his general lizard persona. A poorly translated and dubbed cheap-anamatromic lizard, but apparently one with a mother — his most vital selling point to get out there.

  44. 44.

    Corner Stone

    October 16, 2014 at 10:34 am

    @Xantar:

    I hate the American voters who admire such politicians for rising up from that childhood.

    Ah, but you see there’s a fundamental difference! Scott might have been forced by his parents situation to take that govt help, but he pulled himself up and made something of himself. He’s a millionaire CEO and Gov for cripes sake!
    As opposed to the tens of millions of black people who plot and scheme to get something for nothing from the govt, and then fail to achieve anything. All due to nothing but their inherent laziness!

  45. 45.

    CONGRATULATIONS!

    October 16, 2014 at 10:34 am

    I wonder if he means they’re going to break into the wrong house, shoot the dog and confiscate all the loot?

    @Corner Stone: That seems to be all cops can do these days. That was a staggeringly poor choice of phrase by him.

  46. 46.

    Scratch

    October 16, 2014 at 10:35 am

    You know, you watch something like Rick Scott and you begin to think that maybe David Icke actually might be right or something. Good lord.

  47. 47.

    Botsplainer

    October 16, 2014 at 10:36 am

    I think the GOP ticket in 16 is going to be something really stupid, and I mean stupid along the lines of Walker/Scott or the opposite.

  48. 48.

    NonyNony

    October 16, 2014 at 10:36 am

    @Belafon:

    I feel for the boy that has to die before we can finally be rid of Scott.

    Eh – eventually Superman will show up from Earth-1 and cart him back off to be tried for his crimes against the DC universe.

  49. 49.

    Corner Stone

    October 16, 2014 at 10:37 am

    @Thor Heyerdahl:

    Or a clown costume even. Looks like autocorrect got you like the fan got Rick Scott.

    I knew she meant clown costume but I started wondering on some level what did it mean if she really did want cloud costume?

  50. 50.

    cbear

    October 16, 2014 at 10:39 am

    The mystery isn’t how Scott was elected in the first place; he purchased the governorship straight up for $72 million.

    Yep, and I’ll bet $10,000 of Mitt Romney’s money that it was a damn good investment for the slimy, bat-faced fuck.
    The only recognizable human quality Scott possesses is unmitigated greed, and virtually every law, administrative action or initiative he has proposed or passed has benefited either himself or his cretinous asshole buddies.

    He needs to be shoved back down the shit-pipe or cave he crawled or flew out of.

  51. 51.

    KB

    October 16, 2014 at 10:41 am

    and the Romneybot 2.0

  52. 52.

    Belafon

    October 16, 2014 at 10:42 am

    @Thor Heyerdahl: My middle son is watching American Horror Story. In this week’s episode you finally get to see why Twisty the Clown wears that creepy smile. And while what was behind it is definitely not clown-like (I won’t spoil it for those who will watch it), my son went around afterwards going “I’m going to sue. I was promised psychological scarring and I didn’t get it.”

  53. 53.

    JPL

    October 16, 2014 at 10:44 am

    I use the good boy line a lot for Mr. Finch.

  54. 54.

    Belafon

    October 16, 2014 at 10:45 am

    @NonyNony: While I sort of see the Luther resemblance, the baldness and the ruthlessness, Lex was way more intelligent than Scott. Voldemort was just evil.

  55. 55.

    aimai

    October 16, 2014 at 10:46 am

    @Betty Cracker: Durable, wipe clean, material? Oh, how I love you.

  56. 56.

    Xantar

    October 16, 2014 at 10:47 am

    @Corner Stone:

    Like this kind of Cloud costume?

  57. 57.

    cmorenc

    October 16, 2014 at 10:47 am

    @Betty Cracker:

    It’s a pity that his horrible mismanagement of the state and bald-faced corruption wasn’t enough to do him in and that it took a four minutes hissy fit, but here we are.

    In the 1960 Presidential election, it wasn’t any of the shady crap he committed as vice-president that did in Richard Nixon, it was the way the television cameras caught his five-o-clock shadow in his debate with John F. Kennedy. The majority of folks who watched that debate on television thought Kennedy had won it, whereas the majority of folks who listened to it on radio thought Nixon had won it. Nixon also had Scott’s problem of coming across like a re-animated corpse on TV.

    Of course, Kennedy also had Chicago Mayor Richard Daley and the voters of the Woodlawn Cemetery Precinct to thank for his victory – they turned out nearly 100% for Kennedy and gave him his 8k margin in Illinois.

  58. 58.

    Mike in NC

    October 16, 2014 at 10:50 am

    Hey, Mitt Rmoney and Rick Scott are an inspiration for all Android-Americans.

  59. 59.

    Corner Stone

    October 16, 2014 at 10:52 am

    @Xantar: Yeeeaahhh. That takes it to a whole other level if that’s what Betty was envisioning when she said she’d never sleep again.

  60. 60.

    Alex S.

    October 16, 2014 at 10:54 am

    Scott is a cokehead.

  61. 61.

    JPL

    October 16, 2014 at 10:56 am

    @Mike in NC: lol

  62. 62.

    Rex Everything

    October 16, 2014 at 11:03 am

    “I want to thank my daughters for … uh … you know … well, I can fix them.”

  63. 63.

    Roger Moore

    October 16, 2014 at 11:06 am

    @cmorenc:

    Of course, Kennedy also had Chicago Mayor Richard Daley and the voters of the Woodlawn Cemetery Precinct to thank for his victory – they turned out nearly 100% for Kennedy and gave him his 8k margin in Illinois.

    Which would be a stronger argument had Kennedy needed Illinois to win the election, but he would have won anyway even had it gone for Nixon.

  64. 64.

    Iowa Old Lady

    October 16, 2014 at 11:11 am

    In an earlier thread, I mentioned that I’m fleeing the country this afternoon, having already voted. But the Rs are still phoning me, saying they’ll send me an application for an absentee ballot and it’s important I vote because the D’s are turning out their voters early.

    No ballot application has come, though I’ve been getting these calls for two weeks.

  65. 65.

    trollhattan

    October 16, 2014 at 11:13 am

    It’s hard not to compare-and-contrast with California and Meg Whitman, who spend a lot more than batboy only to be handed her ass in Tupperware by Jerry, who had everybody freaked out by waiting for long months to even begin campaigning, spending about seventy-five bucks in the process.

    How did an out and out sociopath like Scott ever get elected? Compared to him, Whitman is delightful and charming and a champion of the downtrodden (none of which is remotely the case).

    My takeaway is Scott still has an excellent chance of reelection, because Florida.

  66. 66.

    Kevin

    October 16, 2014 at 11:13 am

    @gussie: And thank you to my human female daughters. You almost make me forget that i really wanted a human male child instead.

  67. 67.

    Anoniminous

    October 16, 2014 at 11:14 am

    If anyone knows the company who makes the RomBot2012 and Scottronic (FL) please let me know. I am in awe of their technology and would like to go to work for them.

  68. 68.

    Corner Stone

    October 16, 2014 at 11:16 am

    Someone tell me what the hell is wrong with these people?
    Operation against the Islamic State to be called Inherent Resolve
    “According to CENTCOM officials, the name INHERENT RESOLVE is intended to reflect the unwavering resolve and deep commitment of the U.S. and partner nations in the region and around the globe to eliminate the terrorist group ISIL and the threat they pose to Iraq, the region and the wider international community,” the statement said, using one of the acronyms for the militant group. “It also symbolizes the willingness and dedication of coalition members to work closely with our friends in the region and apply all available dimensions of national power necessary – diplomatic, informational, military, economic – to degrade and ultimately destroy ISIL.”

  69. 69.

    NonyNony

    October 16, 2014 at 11:17 am

    @Belafon:

    While I sort of see the Luther resemblance, the baldness and the ruthlessness, Lex was way more intelligent than Scott.

    This is true, but I swear every time I look at him I wonder why he isn’t investing in some green-and-purple battle armor.

    Plus he’s at least as intelligent as the Gene Hackman/Kevin Spacey movie version of Luthor. Who was a moron that could convince people he was superintelligent by surrounding himself with idiots and telling everyone else he was smart.

  70. 70.

    drkrick

    October 16, 2014 at 11:18 am

    @cmorenc:

    Of course, Kennedy also had Chicago Mayor Richard Daley and the voters of the Woodlawn Cemetery Precinct to thank for his victory – they turned out nearly 100% for Kennedy and gave him his 8k margin in Illinois.

    There were quite a few civic-minded corpses in GOP-controlled districts in downstate Illinois, too. Nixon looked hard at challenging it and was informed by his allies there that it was a rock none of them wanted to turn over.

  71. 71.

    Steve in the ATL

    October 16, 2014 at 11:18 am

    @Roger Moore: And if you ignore the many deceased voters who chose Nixon in downstate Illinois.

  72. 72.

    Corner Stone

    October 16, 2014 at 11:18 am

    @trollhattan:

    only to be handed her ass in Tupperware by Jerry

    Does anyone know if Jerry Brown and Joe Biden like each other? What would happen if Jerry and Onion Joe did a road trip?

  73. 73.

    feebog

    October 16, 2014 at 11:19 am

    @Botsplainer:

    I think the GOP ticket in 16 is going to be something really stupid, and I mean stupid along the lines of Walker/Scott or the opposite.

    Not if they both lose their election this year. In addition to the stench of corruption that surrounds both of them like a thick fog, the anchor of losing their Governorship will sink them.

  74. 74.

    NonyNony

    October 16, 2014 at 11:19 am

    @trollhattan:

    How did an out and out sociopath like Scott ever get elected? Compared to him, Whitman is delightful and charming and a champion of the downtrodden (none of which is remotely the case).

    IIRC, Scott ran unopposed last time.

    No wait – not unopposed. Opposed by Alex Sink who as I recall didn’t actually do much.

    Also, yes, Florida.

  75. 75.

    Kevin

    October 16, 2014 at 11:19 am

    This clip is even better. He malfunctions slightly.

  76. 76.

    MomSense

    October 16, 2014 at 11:25 am

    @Kevin:

    That was really creepy. The manufacturer needs to work on the blinking software. I had dolls when I was a kid that blinked more realistically than that.

  77. 77.

    Betty Cracker

    October 16, 2014 at 11:27 am

    @Corner Stone: For fuck’s sake. The person or people who feel a burning need to name courtesy bombing operations need to be drop-kicked into a toxic waste dump. Colbert used a random name-generator to come up with something much better: Operation Turgid Panther.

  78. 78.

    Villago Delenda Est

    October 16, 2014 at 11:27 am

    @mdblanche: “Your hovercraft is full of eels.”

  79. 79.

    trollhattan

    October 16, 2014 at 11:28 am

    @Corner Stone:

    Does anyone know if Jerry Brown and Joe Biden like each other? What would happen if Jerry and Onion Joe did a road trip?

    Best poli-buddy movie, evah.

    My hunch is they’d either hit it off like gangbusters or loathe one another, as their personalities are vastly different. But gawd, it would be fun to watch Jerry lecture on Aristotle and Joe counter with the finer points of rebuilding a Rochester Quadrajet carb.

  80. 80.

    Villago Delenda Est

    October 16, 2014 at 11:28 am

    @Betty Cracker: In the military, they come up with names for every operation, and as I understand it, it’s a fairly random process in the first place, subject to executive approval to avoid snark ala Colbert. There are of course exceptions when the assclowns in the White House, usually “war time preznit” wannabees, get involved in the operation naming process.

    For example, the great Mesopotamian Adventure was not named “Operation Iraqi Liberation” because of the unfortunate acronym that it formed which hit too close to home.

  81. 81.

    mdblanche

    October 16, 2014 at 11:31 am

    @Anoniminous: I believe the RomBot2012 was built by the HAL Plant in Urbana IL and the Scottronic (FL) was built by Old Glory Insurance to drum up business.

  82. 82.

    Betty Cracker

    October 16, 2014 at 11:33 am

    @Villago Delenda Est: IIRC, back in the Bush the Lesser error, they forgot the snark filter and named one “Operation Mountain Thrust,” which occasioned many snickers back in the old cube farm.

  83. 83.

    shelley

    October 16, 2014 at 11:35 am

    Wow, watched this and the video of the ‘Fan’ beginning. If only all debates were that entertaining. What statement did Scott’s people make in defense of refusing to come out?

  84. 84.

    Roger Moore

    October 16, 2014 at 11:35 am

    @mdblanche:
    They would have gotten them built by MomCorp, but then they’d be Hecho en Mexico and not be eligible to run for the presidency.

  85. 85.

    Villago Delenda Est

    October 16, 2014 at 11:35 am

    @cmorenc:

    Of course, Kennedy also had Chicago Mayor Richard Daley and the voters of the Woodlawn Cemetery Precinct to thank for his victory – they turned out nearly 100% for Kennedy and gave him his 8k margin in Illinois.

    GOP mythology, as others have pointed out earlier upthread. Wasn’t nearly as decisive as they’d have you believe, and the problem with all the Rethugs rising from their graves downstate was quietly swept under the rug..

  86. 86.

    Mike J

    October 16, 2014 at 11:37 am

    @mdblanche: HAL gets a bad rap. His failing is that he was told to value completing the mission above the lives of the crew. There are any number of war movies where that’s considered an admirable quality.

  87. 87.

    Villago Delenda Est

    October 16, 2014 at 11:38 am

    @shelley: They claim that the debate rules didn’t allow for “electronic devices” including fans.

    The moderator looks to me to be stupid enough to buy the official Rick Scott version of the debate rules that Christ’s people probably never saw.

  88. 88.

    JPL

    October 16, 2014 at 11:39 am

    @shelley: Did you watch the video that Kevin at 74 linked to.
    It was Crist’s fault.

  89. 89.

    JPL

    October 16, 2014 at 11:41 am

    @Villago Delenda Est: Scott’s folks are saying it wasn’t about the fan. They didn’t think Crist was going to show up. I know it makes no sense because Crist was on the stage and Scott wasn’t but that’s their story and they are sticking to it.

  90. 90.

    MomSense

    October 16, 2014 at 11:41 am

    @Villago Delenda Est:

    My hypothesis is that he thought the debate would be taped and edited favorably (for Scott) for later viewing and after he found out that wasn’t the case, there was some version of O’Reilly’s fuck it we’ll do it live going on back stage.

  91. 91.

    Corner Stone

    October 16, 2014 at 11:42 am

    Perusing Google News for headlines is almost as humorous as the NewsMax snippets.
    Someone tell me how these two headlines:
    U.S. Jobless Claims Fall to 14-Year Low
    Industrial Output in U.S. Rises by Most Since November 2012
    Somehow equals this one:
    Ebola Is a Midterm Issue, and It’s Not Helping Democrats

    Ahh, wait I see. The third story was co-written by Chuckles Todd.
    Nebber mind!

  92. 92.

    jonas

    October 16, 2014 at 11:42 am

    Well, Obama fucked up his first debate with Romney in 2012 (though not as badly, to be sure) and still won. What Crist did was a brilliant bit of trolling, though, because all the press will be talking about is not Scott’s sub-par debate performance — which people generally get over — but refusing to come out to debate at all because his opponent had a small fan at the podium. How fucking stupid can you get?

  93. 93.

    Villago Delenda Est

    October 16, 2014 at 11:44 am

    @CONGRATULATIONS!: He meant the SWAT team from the TV series, which never fucked up, because on TV the cops never fuck up.

  94. 94.

    Villago Delenda Est

    October 16, 2014 at 11:49 am

    @JPL: It makes no sense because you’ve got the moderator stating, out loud and everything, that it was about the fan, and that’s what Scott’s foul minions told him.

    Now they’ve got a new theory? What, a dog ate their homework?

    The lot of them should be put up against a fucking wall, with their families being billed for rounds expended.

  95. 95.

    mdblanche

    October 16, 2014 at 11:49 am

    @Mike J: Well, the RomBot’s ethical subroutines were subcontracted to Aperture Science, but its user interface and singing abilities are pure HAL.

    @Corner Stone: ct;dr

  96. 96.

    Ripley

    October 16, 2014 at 11:52 am

    Scott is a cokehead.

    Free samples or it didn’t happen.

  97. 97.

    Corner Stone

    October 16, 2014 at 11:53 am

    “Now we can’t say that the intense Ebola focus is HURTING Democratic candidates — we haven’t seen data or evidence to back that up. But we can safely say that the focus isn’t HELPING them.”
    HAHAHAHA

  98. 98.

    Villago Delenda Est

    October 16, 2014 at 11:53 am

    Can you imagine the panic amongst the Scott lackies?

    “ZOMG, Crist has got a fan! A fucking fan! We have to DO something about that fucking fan!”

  99. 99.

    Villago Delenda Est

    October 16, 2014 at 11:54 am

    @Corner Stone: The sooner Chuckles the Clown is transformed into something useful, like fertilizer, the better.

  100. 100.

    Calouste

    October 16, 2014 at 11:55 am

    @Villago Delenda Est: They keep changing the story until something sticks. Like the Ferguson Police Department.

    It like a variant of Goebels’ “Big Lie”. People are not willing to believe that someone would like that big, or as in this scenario, that people would just lie all the time.

  101. 101.

    ? Martin

    October 16, 2014 at 11:56 am

    @trollhattan:

    How did an out and out sociopath like Scott ever get elected?

    California is full of people that thought ‘Hey, I know, lets immigrate to America’, whereas Florida is full of people that thought ‘Hey, I know, let’s move to Florida’.

  102. 102.

    Villago Delenda Est

    October 16, 2014 at 11:57 am

    OT, but over at Powder Blue Satan he’s got a link to a YouTube clip by some assclowns who call themselves “The Right Brothers” who have composed a little ditty that they have turned the comments off on because, well, they’re cowardly little shits like their deserting role model.

  103. 103.

    scav

    October 16, 2014 at 11:58 am

    @JPL: That is one weird argument. Clearly not aimed at anyone who actually saw the beginning and has a basic weighting of truth > party. Doesn’t make much sense from a logical political PR sense of “Wouldn’t you want to be front and camera-center exactly when your opponent fails to show up?” POV. So presumably they’re aiming to flip the debate neuron permanently in one direction for people really not paying attention and with limited practical reasoning. That’s a sad thing to be explicitly grabbing for, all in all. Wish they were a less numerous part of the electorate all the same.

  104. 104.

    rikyrah

    October 16, 2014 at 11:59 am

    Nina Turner for Ohio secretary of state: endorsement editorial

    By Editorial Board
    on October 14, 2014 at 1:30 PM, updated October 14, 2014 at 3:09 PM

    The best-known job of Ohio’s secretary of state is to be the state’s chief elections officer. Even though incumbent Republican Jon Husted has handled all other aspects of the job with distinction over the past four years – including the practical side of elections management – and even though he has been a voice of reason on redistricting reform, his miscues, mistakes and outright partisan manipulation of the state’s early-voting rules disqualify him for a second term.

    With her passionate advocacy for easier voting access, Nina Turner, the Democratic state senator from Cleveland for the 25th District, better exemplifies the priorities Ohio’s chief elections officer must have.

    “As secretary of state, for me, it’s about making sure that you expand and protect that access to the ballot box,” Turner, 46, said during the endorsement interview, adding that it doesn’t matter what voters’ “political affiliation is; [I’ll be] pro-voter. The voter will always be at the center of my universe.”

    We take Turner at her word on that, as someone who stood up to Democratic Party insiders during the battle over Cuyahoga County reforms. At the same time, worryingly, she’s been strongly partisan during this campaign. The see-saw partisanship of Ohio’s secretary of state, depending on which party holds the office, has ill-served the state and needs to change. Turner must resolve to change it.

    http://www.cleveland.com/opinion/index.ssf/2014/10/nina_turner_for_ohio_secretary.html

  105. 105.

    Bostondreams

    October 16, 2014 at 12:02 pm

    @NonyNony:

    Well, in the comics, Lex Luthor is currently a member of the Justice League and partners with Bruce Wayne in a Lexcorp-Waynetech merger. This bodes ill for the future of Florida.

  106. 106.

    ? Martin

    October 16, 2014 at 12:02 pm

    In a just world this would completely bury Gardner:

    “You continue to deny that the federal Life at Conception Act, which you sponsor, is a personhood bill to end abortion and we are not going to debate that here tonight because it’s a fact,” Clark said. “Your co-sponsors say so, your opponents say so, and independent fact-checkers say so.”

    “So let’s instead talk about what this entire episode may say about your judgment more broadly,” Clark continued. “It would seem that a charitable interpretation would be that you have a difficult time admitting when you’re wrong and a less charitable interpretation is that you’re not telling us the truth. Which is it?”

    Add one more journalist to the list of people that will never be asked to host Meet the Press.

  107. 107.

    Villago Delenda Est

    October 16, 2014 at 12:05 pm

    @scav:

    So presumably they’re aiming to flip the debate neuron permanently in one direction for people really not paying attention and with limited practical reasoning.

    The 27%. Their target audience, their base.

  108. 108.

    Roger Moore

    October 16, 2014 at 12:07 pm

    My theory is that Scott’s team thought it was the Go Big Red Fan, and Crist was going to use it to receive coded messages. It’s as plausible as any other explanation.

  109. 109.

    Botsplainer

    October 16, 2014 at 12:08 pm

    Booo!! Banned by Raw Story for referring to the GamerGate MRAs as fat, unbathed, compulsive masturbators who have convinced themselves that they’re aspergers sufferers by feigning symptoms in order to be left alone in gamer world, when in reality, they’re really just a bunch of assholes.

    I’m disappointed. They’re in a thread that’s going to go into 1000 “you are so an evildoer and here’s the evidence and personalities” and “nuh-uh, you’re the ethical problem, not me, the death threats aren’t so bad and CheetoDust201 was harrassed one time, too, by real life sluts ” comments. I suspect they’re at 500+ already.

    I was simply trying to get to the nub of the matter in short order.

    Their fathers would have done them a favor by breaking all their action figures, torching the dungeon master manuals, burning their comic books, smashing their electronics and then signing them up for little league teams that they just dropped them off at.

  110. 110.

    scav

    October 16, 2014 at 12:11 pm

    @Villago Delenda Est: Zactly. but having to explicitly reach out to grab them and hold hard isn’t exactly a blinding display of confidence and pride in what just went down.

  111. 111.

    Corner Stone

    October 16, 2014 at 12:13 pm

    @? Martin:

    Add one more journalist to the list of people that will never be asked to host Meet the Press.

    What does that fool think he’s doing? It’s not his job to report the facts, much less ask a Republican to answer a question truthfully!
    How very uncivil!
    Now. Where is my goatee trimmer and freshly dusted fainting couch?

  112. 112.

    mike in dc

    October 16, 2014 at 12:19 pm

    @Botsplainer: I assume I should see what you did there.

    By the by, apparently Alison Lundergan Grimes is not dead after all. Got a bounce from the debate and one poll has her up 47-43, another 46-44 over “One(last) Term” McConnell.

  113. 113.

    replicnt6

    October 16, 2014 at 12:19 pm

    @cmorenc:

    Of course, Kennedy also had Chicago Mayor Richard Daley and the voters of the Woodlawn Cemetery Precinct to thank for his victory – they turned out nearly 100% for Kennedy and gave him his 8k margin in Illinois.

    I hear this a lot (when the subject comes up), but I’ve never had anyone actually explain to me how Nixon would have managed to win with the 246 electoral votes he would have had with the addition of IL’s 27.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_presidential_election,_1960

  114. 114.

    Villago Delenda Est

    October 16, 2014 at 12:27 pm

    @scav: True dat, but they’ll take what they can get at this point, methinks.

  115. 115.

    Villago Delenda Est

    October 16, 2014 at 12:29 pm

    @Ripley: Gas, grass or ass.

    No one rides free in the Scottmobile.

  116. 116.

    Corner Stone

    October 16, 2014 at 12:30 pm

    @mike in dc:

    By the by, apparently Alison Lundergan Grimes is not dead after all. Got a bounce from the debate and one poll has her up 47-43, another 46-44 over “One(last) Term” McConnell.

    Now’s the time when it’s crucial for her to really galvanize her base in Kentucky.

  117. 117.

    Villago Delenda Est

    October 16, 2014 at 12:31 pm

    @Corner Stone: May FSM make it so.

    I would so enjoy a total disruption of the Village Narrative come election night. Just to watch the vile vermin squirm.

  118. 118.

    JPL

    October 16, 2014 at 12:34 pm

    @? Martin: It seems as though some Republicans have a problem with the truth.

  119. 119.

    Villago Delenda Est

    October 16, 2014 at 12:35 pm

    @JPL: Well, of course. Facts DO have a liberal bias, you know.

  120. 120.

    Botsplainer

    October 16, 2014 at 12:40 pm

    @Corner Stone:

    On wingnut radio, she’s running commercial time far to the right of McConnell on immigration.

    I was laughing my ass off.

  121. 121.

    mdblanche

    October 16, 2014 at 12:51 pm

    By the by, apparently Alison Lundergan Grimes is not dead after all. Got a bounce from the debate and one poll has her up 47-43, another 46-44 over “One(last) Term” McConnell.

    But… but… Chuck Todd…

    @Villago Delenda Est:

    I would so enjoy a total disruption of the Village Narrative come election night. Just to watch the vile vermin squirm.

    I’m sure if Grimes does something as shrill and uncivil as disrupting the Narrative by winning, she’ll be blacklisted by Meet the Press forever. So she’ll have that going for her too.

  122. 122.

    Corner Stone

    October 16, 2014 at 12:54 pm

    @Botsplainer:

    On wingnut radio, she’s running commercial time far to the right of McConnell on immigration.

    Not unexpected. But she won’t be the issue on immigration reform.

  123. 123.

    Barney

    October 16, 2014 at 1:03 pm

    Scott’s closing speech would fit in well in a “beauty pageant car-crash interviews” compilation.

  124. 124.

    MrChaz

    October 16, 2014 at 1:38 pm

    My question is not how he functioned as a CEO, it’s how he avoided jail after HCA was convicted for defrauding the government with false medical billings and other fraud committed during his tenure there for a total 1.7 billion in criminal fines and charges.

    However I see good news for Mr. Scott. I think the evidence shows that he’s not a psychopath. Some studies have shown a psychopath has many traits that work well for a CEO! This is from a Forbes article about “The Wisdom of Psychopaths”, by Kevin Dutton:

    “Psychopaths appear, through some Darwinian practical joke, to possess the very personality characteristics that many of us would die for,” Dutton writes. Exceptional persuasiveness, captivating charm, and razor sharp focus under immense pressure (like war zones) seem to come naturally to psychopaths. Dutton presents a battery of research spanning several centuries to back up this assertion.”

    Given his unfocused, unconvincing closing argument we can argue that at worst he’s a sociopath. Assuming he’s not an alien, of course. ;-)

  125. 125.

    JimmyCrackedCorn

    October 16, 2014 at 1:46 pm

    Every ad from now until election day will be. “Rick Scott, not Florida seniors’/voters’ biggest fan.” Its going to be hilarious.

    I’m honestly surprised how on the ball Crist was. Nailed Scott with “pleading the fifth” about the fan and his ads have been pushing that hard.

  126. 126.

    Craig

    October 16, 2014 at 1:54 pm

    I haven’t personally inspected the fan in question, but I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that it has a switch and a motor, but probably not a lot of transistors, diodes, or vacuum tubes.

    A fan is an ELECTRIC device, but not an ELECTRONIC one. There is a difference, it is important, and words do mean things.

    Like I say, haven’t looked inside the fan, and for all I know, it might have some kind of sophisticated control device that bounces lasers off Charlie’s skin to work out where his skin is warmest, and direct just the right level of breeze to his forehead or his neck. But it doesn’t seem like the way to bet.

  127. 127.

    Kathleen

    October 16, 2014 at 2:04 pm

    @the Conster: Or, “Charlie Christ should be disqualified for needing a fan”. Chuck Todd

  128. 128.

    Tree With Water

    October 16, 2014 at 2:10 pm

    “My mom is watching from heaven”?

    Move over, Checkers.

  129. 129.

    Kathleen

    October 16, 2014 at 2:14 pm

    @Betty Cracker: Also, too, maybe they should offer an extended warranty?

  130. 130.

    Kathleen

    October 16, 2014 at 2:23 pm

    @? Martin:

    Hey, I know, lets immigrate to America’, whereas Florida is full of people that thought ‘Hey, I know, let’s move to Florida’.

    And the latter probably were already living in Florida when they said that.

  131. 131.

    Kathleen

    October 16, 2014 at 2:31 pm

    @rikyrah: Thanks for the link, rikyrah. I’ve heard her radio ads (not seen anything on TV) and she is very impressive. But too partisan? She’s a Democrat for crying out loud. And she already said her focus was “pro voter” regardless of party.

    I’m glad she got the endorsement. Plan to vote early tomorrow at the BOE downtown.

  132. 132.

    Uncle Cosmo

    October 16, 2014 at 2:43 pm

    @Emma: “Crazy, Crazy, give me your statement, do…“

  133. 133.

    Uncle Cosmo

    October 16, 2014 at 2:48 pm

    @JimmyCrackedCorn: Oh, jeebus, the possibilities for a devastating spot:

    A half-dozen FL seniors one by one rerel off his policy failures.
    A group shot of all six.
    One says: Rick Scott? Let’s just say–
    (Each one of them breaks into a big grin & lifts up one of those 6″ electric fans)
    All together: We’re not big fans!

  134. 134.

    JustRuss

    October 16, 2014 at 3:13 pm

    Note to Rick: The next time your handlers tell you to pander to the wimmins, naming members of your family doesn’t cut it. Alsotoo, go back to Spanish class, or please, just do not go there.

  135. 135.

    The Other Chuck

    October 16, 2014 at 3:48 pm

    I’m loving the hashtags on this:

    #Fangate
    #Fantrum
    #Fanghazi

  136. 136.

    Sondra

    October 16, 2014 at 3:48 pm

    Did any of you notice that he was sort of falling off of the podium and had his head tilted to the right the whole time? What kind of body language is that?

    His only other pose was that horrible smile with his big ears sticking out and his eyes all crazy looking straight head in a an unblinking stare.

    Someone who speaks body language, needs to speak up…we could use the help.

  137. 137.

    The Other Chuck

    October 16, 2014 at 3:50 pm

    @Sondra: Higher than a weather balloon is my guess.

  138. 138.

    Sondra

    October 16, 2014 at 3:50 pm

    @dmsilev:
    That was the second debate. One more is scheduled.

  139. 139.

    Sondra

    October 16, 2014 at 3:52 pm

    @The Other Chuck:

    OK then. I hadn’t thought of that. Maybe he’s just medicated.

  140. 140.

    SWMBO

    October 16, 2014 at 5:17 pm

    @Roger Moore: Give the guy a break. His handlers told him there were a lot of aliens in Florida and he was just pandering to them. So his Klingon was a little rusty, you gonna hold that against him?

    Then there is this:
    http://www.tampabay.com/news/bizarre/after-2010-campaign-gov-rick-scott-gave-back-dog-reagan/1270497

    He ditched Reagan!

  141. 141.

    E.

    October 16, 2014 at 7:07 pm

    Anybody thinks an insane debate performance can kill a winger campaign, I offer you Jan Brewer, current governor of Arizona. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qxjPGp3BoXg

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    October 16, 2014 at 2:43 pm

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