I’ve tried to resist commenting on the Palin’s snowbilly-style drunken fistfight, but Bristol has made me break my vow of silence with this comment:
Bristol went on to berate the media for ignoring a scandal involving the “real Vice President’s kid” — a reference to one of Joe Biden’s sons, who was recently discharged from the U.S. Navy Reserve for failing a drug test.
Bristol also said that if Chelsea Clinton had been in her shoes, the media would have “held her up as some feminist hero.”
Bristol is upset because, to hear her tell it, she was either held down on the ground (current version) or dragged across the ground by a man who called her a “cunt” and a “slut” (version she told the cops).
I don’t want to make light of the violence Bristol encountered. But what happened to her is in the context of a brawl, about which her brother said, to the police, that one of the participants in the fight is “a little pussy” and “basically a gay guy, but he’s not” (whatever that means). Also, Track could “beat the shit outta them”, if it was one-on-one. (Lord knows we’ve all been there.) In other words, it may be possible that Track’s big fucking mouth wrote a check that he and his family’s fists couldn’t cash, and everybody got their asses kicked, but that’s just conjecture. Even so, I would like to point out that Bristol’s comparison of herself to Chelsea Clinton is a bit of a reach, not the least because I doubt that Chelsea has ever told a police officer not to take a picture of her face because there’s nothing on it but “beer and makeup”.
Anyway, my point here isn’t to re-litigate the Thrilla In Wasilla, nor even to point and laugh. Rather, I just want to note that the reason “Sarah Palin’s Alaska” was such a failure is because it was a hoity-toity horseshit fairytale that Sarah cobbled together, and people could smell it. If Sarah really wants to cash in, and we all know she does, she could cut the bullshit and dish some real reality TV. Show the beat-down that happens when that numbskull Track gets his drink on and tries to start something in a bar. Give us the backstory of a good old-fashioned, hold-my-gold catfight between Willow, Bristol and some other trashy Wasillians. And make sure there’s at least 5-10 minutes of Sarah yelling at everyone in each episode. That show would run for years, and it pays a lot better than skimming from some grifter PAC.
Mr. Twister
When the standard bearer of the Liberal Entertainment Complex (who ever that is) calls Bristol a dog on the public airways to the delight of his / her audience then she can complain. Otherwise, she can STFU.
BGinCHI
I’m guessing EA Sports is developing a role-playing game based on Wasilla.
You can be a Palin or Don Young in a breechcloth. Wide array of weapons. Dialogue limited to swears and vomit noises.
feebog
Bristol and Willow as a mud wrasslin’ tag team would be a great pilot episode.
Violet
The victim is strong in that family.
Violet
MTV has “Slednecks” in the pipeline. Similar.
Betty Cracker
I’m still hoping the Taiwanese animators will bring that post-brawl police interview audio to life. But the Palins are probably too 2000-and-late for the meme-treatment, and halle-fucking-lujah for that.
Another Holocene Human
OT, so this was said on LGM (I got chased off of there for being an unlettered yokel):
So apparently this is someone who calls themself a Democrat yet has paid absolutely no attention to anything Obama has said or done in the last 3 years. He campaigned on the fucking minimum wage. He appointed Yellen, not Summers (which I credit the “serious people” engaged upper middle class sorts still pissed at Summers for basically, well, everything, for making that seat too hot for that asshole so that he publicly “voluntarily” withdrew his name) and boy is Wall Street pissed! He staffed the fucking NLRB at great risk to his presidency (and if you don’t believe that’s true, I have some great investments in toll bridge revenue streams to discuss with a future-thinking go getter like yourself).
Obama DID get the motherfucking Occupy memo … he signed a $10.10 wage exec order and is pushing for a $10.10 national wage. This is a winning issue for Democrats.
Blame the guy for the missteps he actually made, not for the total corporate media blackout of the stuff he says and does.
/rant
beltane
Not sure a realistic Palin reality show would be all that entertaining. I actually listened to a few minutes of the audio until I turned it off in boredom. If I want to hear the drunken rantings of low IQ, rural riff-raff I can just walk out my door and experience it live. I guess people who live in places where they don’t have to encounter these people might find it exotic somehow.
Omnes Omnibus
Someone at TLC or Bravo is probably pitching that concept right now.
kindness
Sarah needs to realize that Honey Boo Boo has higher standards than her family.
beltane
And what does Bristol Palin usually have slathered on her face besides makeup and beer? I shudder to think.
Another Holocene Human
Alaska sure breeds some speshull politicians.
Whether it’s Ted Stevens’ series of tubes, Don Young’s bull sex (and cattle marriages), or Sarah Palin’s quitting, it’s never a dull moment up there in solstice-land.
Another Holocene Human
When you marry cattle do they know they’re married? Or is it more like that Shia one-night temporary prostitution marriage dealio? AFAF.
John Dillinger
The Secret Service has enough problems protecting the boring Obama family. Imagine details trying to keep up with the Palins.
Another Holocene Human
I guess Bristol and Levy got confused and thought they were cattle.
Betty Cracker
@beltane:
Howdy, neighbor!
schrodinger's cat
@Betty Cracker: Alaska doesn’t quite fit your theory of colder climes having more sensible politics.
forked tongue
Trying to imagine a drunk Chelsea Clinton crashing a party and taking a swing at the host while cursing a blue streak. Ummm….nope. Can’t do it.
Gin & Tonic
@beltane: People watched “Jersey Shore”.
SatanicPanic
@beltane: rednecks make good drinking buddies until the fighting starts
The Moar You Know
@beltane: must…not…type…obvious…reply…
Frankensteinbeck
@Another Holocene Human:
Yeah, well, people ignoring what Obama has actually done and bitching about what they imagine he’s done has been a defining trait of Obama’s presidency. It’s gotten to where I have to go back and check the sources on everything.
Remember when he totally wanted to gut Social Security and was going to announce it any minute?
Just One More Canuck
@Another Holocene Human: “Unlettered Yokel” would make a great nym
Hungry Joe
@The Moar You Know: … OK, that was about eight times funnier than typing the obvious reply would have been.
Trollhattan
@Betty Cracker:
Hah! [goes off to drain soda from keyboard]
wuzzat
Did I miss Chelsea Clinton becoming a media darling? Did it happen while Obama was selling Chrysler to the Italians?
Another Holocene Human
@kindness: Having watched a certain amount of Honey Boo Boo, I think a lot of the scorn heaped on that family is way out of line.
So what if they’re fat and have an accent.
Now the Duggars and their culty Gothard ways, the Duck Dickheads, and the Brawlin’ Palins, hate away. Lord knows they are brimming with hate themselves.
Another Holocene Human
@beltane:
I think you hit the nail on the head.
Another Holocene Human
@Mr. Twister:
The conundrum is that the minute the most popular liberal standard bearer says something illiberal, he (or she) ceases to become the most popular liberal standard bearer or even a standard bearer at all.
People who don’t get this, like Bill Maher, are perpetually confused as to why they don’t get any credit for the, like, millions of issues they don’t fail-donkey on.
beltane
If this TV show is ever made, John McCain should be forced to watch every single episode of it.
Another Holocene Human
@wuzzat: Chelsea Clinton, Ronan Farrow, Luke Russert…
Another Holocene Human
@Just One More Canuck: Yeah, but I might misspell it.
Mike in NC
Vice President Palin would have hired Jerry Springer to help write her memoirs.
Amir Khalid
How those words must tear at Sarah’s heart.
SatanicPanic
@Another Holocene Human: yeah, I’ve never been comfortable with the way people mock that show or “white trash” in general. “They’re poor hur hur”. That’s not cool.
schrodinger's cat
@SatanicPanic: Agreed. Also, calling anyone trash is uncool.
Roger Moore
@forked tongue:
But everyone knew the Clintons were trailer trash, so it should be easy to imagine.
Tree With Water
“Thrilla in Wasiilla”. Bravo.
After reading the police reports I thought that Roseanne Barr should be cast as Sarah in a sitcom.
Bristol may or may not be able to kick my ass, but I wouldn’t want to find out. The owner of the house who challenged her to take her best shots- and she took several and wanted to keep going- sounds like a guy with a good sense of humor. He could be a consultant for Barr’s show.
Bobby B.
I’ve heard Styx is “trailer trash prog”, a tag which should offend all parties involved.
Karen in GA
Bristol Palin has been surrounded by trash for so long she doesn’t even know it’s possible to have higher standards than that.
SatanicPanic
@schrodinger’s cat: Yup. I’m OK with “redneck” because that’s what, in my experience, rednecks call themselves, but if people start complaining I’ll stop using that too
Karen in GA
@schrodinger’s cat: I’ve always defined “trash” as “mean, entitled, and stupid.” Certain members of the Bush family come to mind.
But I agree about leaving out “poor” and “white.”
Suzanne
@The Moar You Know: SERIOUSLY. I really try to be above making that joke, but guck it, my mind went there.”
“My plastic surgeon said I can’t do any sport where balls might fly by my face.”
“There goes her social life.”
I explained that joke to my ten-year-old. I am awesome.
JPL
@Another Holocene Human: Levy took advantage of Bristol because she had to much to drink. (or something like that) She because a born again virgin though.
Amazing as it sounds, Levy seems like the normal one.
shelley
@wuzzat: Ummm,
and I seem to remember the liberal media making plenty of hay over Biden’s son.
catclub
@Tree With Water:
Roseanne Barr is far too classy.. John Goodman is a gift.
Alex
Cue the “hilarious” commentary by Tom “tbogg” Boggioni about what trashy sluts the Palin women are. Nothing creepy about that at all. So funny though!
Xantar
Food for thought: with the release of audio from the police response, we now have a more complete official record of what happened in the Palin family brawl than we do about the shooting of Michael Brown.
JPL
@beltane: He could just listen to the police tape.
Suzanne
@JPL: I want to become a born-again virgin. And give my mother-in-law a sheet the next day.
My five-year-old was the flower girl at our wedding, so she had the grace not to bring it up.
Roger Moore
@JPL:
FTFY.
JPL
@Suzanne: Biology has never been their strong suit.
kindness
@Another Holocene Human: You are absolutely correct but please don’t misunderstand me. I was serious.
MoeLarryAndJesus
If Honey Boo Boo can pull in the viewers then Money Honey Fuck You And You And You could be the M*A*S*H of trash.
Jay C
Jeez, Bristol – would you like some cheese to go with that whine? It’s not like “the media” have let Hunter Biden skate on his coke problems (I saw it on two Network news blurbs when he was canned) – maybe if he’d gotten coked up and clocked some guy in a bar brawl it would be more to her liking (or something she could relate to)??
JPL
@Xantar: Sad.
shortstop
@The Moar You Know: I thought the same thing when I first heard that. Upon careful consideration I decided she just meant there were no owies on her face that needed to be photographed after her terrible ordeal. (Unlike the bloody knees and ass under/next to the camo chiffon skirt [mygodthatisathing] and thong.)
Seriously, there were at least seven people present who told the cops she started punching this guy and he took it for minutes before finally shoving her away. No one but the Palins says anything different. Her ghostwritten-by-a-not-much-brighter-PR-person statement is for simultaneously soothing and re-riling up the diehard Palin fans who will never hear any reality-based version, thanks to the lack of commenting ability on her blog, the instantly moderated comments on her FB page, etc. At this point I think the Palin griftmobile has given up on all activities other than milking the true believers in the common cult of victimhood.
shortstop
Also too, I drop more than my share of F bombs, but that tape of Bristol sounds like a David Mamet script. How does she get through a five-minute abstinence speech without swearing?
JPL
@shortstop:
How does she get through a five-minute abstinence without swearing?
fixed it
Omnes Omnibus
@shortstop:
You betcha.
Warning: Going too deep into that website can result in permanent damage to both vision and psyche.
Anoniminous
Can I call them* “uncouth” without raising anybody’s hackles?
* Honey Boo Boo, Duck Dynasty, the Palins, etc.
Citizen_X
Wait, what? I want to see pay stubs before I believe that one.
Yes, the real Vice President. Not the whining, trashy, endlessly bitter, grifting, pig-ignorant and proud, wannabe-but-couldn’t-be Vice President. Hurts, don’t it?
As always, fuck you, John McCain.
slag
Interesting that she doesn’t even consider the likely ramifications that Sasha or Malia would face if either of them behaved like any member of the Palin family in this or so many other situations. Her persecution complex might not survive the process.
raven
Joe and Mika were visibly shaken this morning because they made light of the incident.
Ripley
So, pussy riot?
shortstop
@JPL: [With maximum shrillness] “LEEEEEEE-VI [Name FPO–unsure of what current paraboor’s moniker is]! Not fucking now! My reverse French is still fucking wet! I fucking told you!”
MomSense
@Frankensteinbeck:
I can’t believe the things I hear people say when I’m phonebanking to Dem or leaning Dem households. The level of misinformation and ignorance is staggering.
AxelFoley
@Frankensteinbeck:
Hell, they’re still probably saying that shit over at DailyKos.
Jebediah, RBG
@Mr. Twister:
Hear, hear!
Jim, Foolish Literalist
I can still kinda feel sorry for this kid. I’ve always bought in to the theory that Sarah and Todd are both meat headed narcissist, and accident of history shoved Bristol into the spotlight at what was probably the most difficult moment in her life. That said, apples and trees and all that. And I don’t remember Hunter Biden writing a book offering himself up as a drug free role model for young progressives. Chelsea Clinton… don’t get me started.
@MomSense: Just saw a headline on Salon, Cornel West went on hannity to sing from the “both parties” hymnal, Purity Leftist version.
geg6
@Another Holocene Human:
Um, not it is not. Apparently Mommy Boo Boo is seeing a convicted child molester. Even TLC thinks it might be too skeevy for their audience. Which is saying something.
shortstop
@Jim, Foolish Literalist:
I don’t disagree. But at what point does she walk away from the grift trough and do something for herself? Finish a single community college course or hold a non-glamorous job for more than a couple of weeks? Move out of the family house of horrors? Stop taking the path of least resistance to obtaining money via two (?) reality shows, multiple appearances on dance competition shows and autobiographies detailing her existence so far?
Even all that could be put down to not knowing any better/not ever having been around anyone who did, but the “I’ve tried to keep a low profile and stay out of the public spotlight” line in her latest diatribe is just gross. I strongly suspect she actually believes it.
Major Major Major Major
Partial solar eclipse hits western CA in about 25 minutes, BTW. Or right now in Seattle. Here’s a list of times by major cities: eclipse.gsfc.nasa.gov/OH/OHtables/OH2014-Tab05.pdf
And, of course, don’t look directly at the sun k
Damned at Random
Wow, I thought I was white trash.I live in a double-wide and wear jeans and a tee-shirt to the local bar for Taco Thur. I grew up in the Appalachian foothills and I am a coal miner’s granddaughter. I got nothing on the Palins
geg6
@Major Major Major Major:
Damn, it will be dark by the time it gets here. I love eclipses.
catclub
@shortstop:
There apparently exist on the internet, vidoes of young girls in princess costumes, talking like sailors in favor of feminism. It may have given some folks (but probably not many) the vapors. I saw the article on Slate.
Major Major Major Major
@geg6: Me too :) I’ve got my special goggles all ready to go.
Sorry to hear you’ll miss it though.
JPL
The Palin family reminds me of lottery winners who go through their winnings quickly, although they are still able to get funds. Palin should be ashamed at convincing people to donate to her PAC. I’m sure some of those that contribute can’t afford to throw their money away.
MomSense
@Jim, Foolish Literalist:
Ah, the both parties hymnal. One of my favorites. Yeah, both sides. One side has a Congressman who thinks that allowing gays in the military is dangerous because they will start sitting around all day getting gay massages just like the ancient Greeks and that will lead to the wrong kind of readiness –if you know what I mean!
The other side wants to increase funding to NIH.
Tree With Water
I read the police reports seeking out the laughs I enjoyed, but am not interested in the audio. No one really seems to care one way or the other about Sarah (et.al.), do they, not even to joke about. Almost like everyone just wants her to go away. In fact, that could serve her last big grift. Like Oral Roberts threatening to die in his tower unless his fundraising numbers climbed, Palin could threaten to stick around unless people pony up enough real dough to persuade her to retire permanently. I’d chip in..
raven
oops
SWMBO
@shortstop: “Even all that could be put down to not knowing any better/not ever having been around anyone who did, but the “I’ve tried to keep a low profile and stay out of the public spotlight” line in her latest diatribe is just gross. I strongly suspect she actually believes it. ”
Compared to her mother, it probably is true.
Amir Khalid
@raven:
Breathe easy, friend. She’s still with us.
Gin & Tonic
@Amir Khalid: I’ve seen the “Betty White, 92, dyes quietly at home” thing floating around various corners lately.
Reading comprehension, people.
shortstop
Not another wave of people falling for the Betty White death thing. That poor old darling is going to be ignored when she finally does buy the farm.
Mike J
@Tree With Water:
At least Roberts got us the name for a good performer of the 90s.
dance around in your bones
The Palins. Sarah Palin and progeny – I am trying as hard as I can to forget they exist.
Why do you force me to think about them??!!
Also, Fuck John McCain ‘did you know he was a POW? for foisting her on the public.
Chris
@Karen in GA:
Besides the obvious class overtones, the fact that the teabagger base is ultimately more middle class suburbanites and country clubbers than poor and working class people kind of holds me at arms’ length from the easy association of “white trash” with the kind of scum the Palins appeal to. (Even among white Southerners, poorer demographics are less reliably Republican than their better off brethren).
Same with Duck Dynasty. I’ve never felt like they or the Palins are tailoring their image towards “rednecks,” so much as towards the kind of suburban TV viewers who fantasize about that “rugged American” lifestyle and how cool it is… without having lived it (which is why they end up coming off like a parody).
When Sarah Palin did her wolf hunting stunt, I read quite a few comments saying “I’m a hunter and that is not how you hold a gun… and that’s not how you skin a wolf… OH GOD JUST STOP EMBARRASSING YOURSELF ALREADY!” But it’s not them she was trying to appeal to.
mai naem mobile
I want reporters to ask gop candidates if theu voted for palin in 08 and if they think shes qualified like they badger the dems about obama.
Patrick
@JPL:
It’s a free country. If people are dumb enough to donate money to her cause that they themselves agree with, then they should look into a mirror for who to blame.
Karen in GA
@Damned at Random:
Nope. Trash is the white guy in the expensive house who looks down on black people while one of his sons is facing charges for drug dealing, illegal weapon possession and manslaughter (because he accidentally shot his best friend in the head while drunk and saying “hey check out my new gun!”), and the other son is charged with being a bookie and “enforcer” for an organized crime family because hey, beating people with bats pays better than a real fucking job. That’s trash.
Never mind how I know these idiots.
(By the way, I’ve lived in Brooklyn apartments that didn’t have the space or amenities of a double-wide. And I’m partial to jeans, t-shirts and casual dining myself.)
Mnemosyne
@Chris:
Yep. They’re appealing to the suburbanites and exurbanites who want to think of themselves as salt-of-the-earth working-class people without having to deal with all of that uncomfortable poverty and physically demanding work. They would have no idea what to say to an actual working-class guy who worked in a factory or at a construction site. Honey Boo-Boo is at heart a modern-day freak show that lets its viewers feel better about themselves.
ETA: It’s the guys with a gun rack in the back of their pickup truck that they take to the gun show but never actually bother to go hunting.
Chris
@Mnemosyne:
I think this is also everything you need to know about the NRA and its groupies, by the way.
ACTUAL rugged frontier dwelling Americans didn’t mind gun regulations: there were plenty of Old West towns living under gun laws that could’ve been drafted by the writers of “MacGyver.” It’s only nowadays, among modern Americans with running water and air conditioning who’ve never been closer to that Wild West than a John Wayne movie, that guns are treated as a fetish rather than a tool and that the NRA can thrive.
catclub
@Karen in GA:
Tacos made by Thor should be impressive, possibly charred.
tybee
@Ripley:
ok, i’m a terrible person. i laughed.
JPL
@Patrick: Her cause is her pocketbook. Very little goes to actual candidates. You’re right that they need to look in the mirror.
The Moar You Know
I like Track, or Trash or whatever the fuck his name is. He and his dad are the perfect guys to have standing by you in a bar fight. They start punching and you slip out the back door quietly, then make up a story the next day about the “fucken cops” and how they almost caught you when they came in during the fight, but you ran and ditched ’em.
They will NEVER know the difference.
The Pale Scot
I initially read that as “hold my goldfish” then the mind spun off to figuring out why Bristol is walking around with I would hope, is a bowl of water with a goldfish in it, it took about 10 seconds for the reality matrix to reimpose itself.
It’s amazing how the speculating safeties just fly off when the the brainpan cognitizates “Palin”
lgerard
Nothing says responsible motherhood like getting falling down drunk while toting your 5 year old around.
I wonder where she learned those parenting skills
Palins vs, The Jersey Shore…..someone has to make this happen
after all, it is just a question of $$$$$$
Another Holocene Human
@kindness: And I don’t disagree. I just resent the implication that Honey Boo Boo is some sort of low bar. Not that low.
The Palins have trouble clearing the lowest bars … let’s just say they’re contenders on the limbo and not the pole vault.
Another Holocene Human
@MomSense: It makes you want to weep. That and getting hung up on because of using predictive dialer. I hate you predictive dialer.
Another Holocene Human
@Jim, Foolish Literalist: Lol, Cornel West on Hannity. I guess I stand corrected and everything that everyone said about him is right.
To be fair to Bristol, vis a vis Hunter, Hunter was not raised in a toxic evangelical/charismatic hate church where it’s important to have a “good witness”. If you’re Catholic and you fuck up you get denied communion for a while and have to redeem yourself (and because the clergy are hateful fuckers, some things, like omg being a woman and getting divorced and not going through the clergy’s hoops and then being a slutty mcslutsauce who gets remarried, will permanently keep you out of their good graces … although you can always change parishes and not tell anybody, because they don’t find it in their interests to actually officially excommunicate people very often). But if you belong to Assemblies of Trauma the more fucked up shit you did with more other equally fucked up people, the more of a platform/attention/status you get within that world, hence the abstinence tour/grift. This is literally how she has been raised by her mother and her church. Though she doesn’t show much signs of having the discernment or intelligence to rise above.
Another Holocene Human
@geg6: Wow. Damn. That’s bad.
Shalimar
@lgerard: Your war may be starting.
Never watched Jersey Shore and only know the ones who end up getting media attention, but I did see a link to a JWow post (I assume on her blog, don’t remember). She responded to one of Bristol’s “pro-family” (aka anti-gay) announcements by basically calling Bristol a hateful bigot.
Tree With Water
@Major Major Major Major: It’s overcast in western Sonoma county.
MomSense
@Another Holocene Human:
“We’re sorry but the number you are calling does not accept…’
chopper
isn’t it hilarious when bristol palin acts like she’s a person of value?
Tree With Water
@The Moar You Know: Track and Todd can’t hold their liquor, and consequently get their obnoxious asses kicked every now and then. I’ll freely admit that Bristol scares me.
g
I don’t want to make light of the violence Bristol encountered.
She’s the only one who told that story. Everyone else in the police report told a different story, where she was the aggressor.
g
@shortstop: A couple of weeks ago, Sarah Palin weighed in on her Facebook page praising her daughter for being a “straight shooter” and defending her family – presumably, in approval of her popping the guy in the chops a half a dozen times.
So now Bristol comes out and says she didn’t hit anyone?
What’s she doing, making a liar out of her mom?
lgerard
@g:
Look at the picture of her hands taken by the police…the left one is completely red and swollen
Paul in KY
@Mike in NC: Jerry is a Democrat. No way she would hire him.