Alrighty then:
There were several moments in that film that made me cry with laughter, although one portion was cringeworthy and unnecessary. The middle lady reminded me of Tony Soprano’s mom.
by John Cole| 95 Comments
This post is in: Open Threads
Alrighty then:
There were several moments in that film that made me cry with laughter, although one portion was cringeworthy and unnecessary. The middle lady reminded me of Tony Soprano’s mom.
Comments are closed.
rikyrah
You find the funniest stuff.
Dan
What part was cringeworthy? I thought the whole thing was great. I get the heebie jeebies when I’ve had about a tenth of what they smoked, so I was really impressed with how cool they were.
SligoRover
John is talking about the queefing part.
jaleh
Wait a minute, I’m 62 and I smoked hash and week all through high school. These ladies can’t be that much older than me! My sister who is seven years older than me smoked also…she still does and she is 70!
Dan
Yeah that part ruled.
raven
@jaleh: A true stoner, 62 plus 7 is. . . .aw man!!!!!
skerry
@jaleh: @raven: LOL
dance around in your bones
Really? This granny has to get her bong out again??!
I used to smoke a hubble-bubble in AFG back in the day – THAT would fuck you up RIGHT serious. Nowadays I’m doing good if I can take a toke from one of those Volcano things, or a tiny bit of Laughy Taffy.
Ok, TMI!!
redshirt
420 e’ry day.
Violet
That’s funny but it just kind of reminded me of how older women talk amongst themselves when they aren’t in mixed company or with family and they don’t have to be high to do it. Maybe have a glass or wine or a cocktail.
NotMax
Just between us and the lamppost, for the first time in over 40 years tried some at our weekly gathering last Saturday. Stuff never did anything for me back when, and those passing it around kept insisting “it’s nothing like what you smoked forty years ago, this is much, much better and more potent.” That from the fellow who grows it for a living.
So I threw caution to the winds just this once (but had to learn how to use the electronic gizmo they were passing around). Result? Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Same as always.
dance around in your bones
@redshirt: You know, when I was looking for a place to live recently, there were many ads saying 420 friendly or NOT 420 friendly.
I just figgered the 420 friendly ones were college students. This is a college town.
Hell, that might have been fun – if they weren’t grossed out by a 60 yr old woman!!
(I could always have said “I’ve been smoking pot since before you were fucking born”!!!!)
NotMax
@dance around in your bones
Sobering thought: You may well have been smoking it since before their parents were born.
redshirt
@dance around in your bones: 420 e’ry day at the non-friendly 420 places. I bet the 420 friendly places are dumps.
Violet
@NotMax: A friend of mine smoked it a couple of times in college and it always made him completely paranoid. He never tried it again. Different people react in different ways to medications and food, so I’m sure weed is no different.
dance around in your bones
@NotMax:No shit! Most likely true!!!
We used to hang out at De Kosmos in Amsterdam (where we had our kid) – mostly for the sauna and shower facilities…..but also ’cause they were QUITE 420 friendly! This was in 1971 or so…..we didn’t know then that pot and hash might be harmful to de baby. Please don’t tell her, I have already pissed her off by talking about young hookup dude.
Don’t even ask me about the Quaaludes before I even knew I was PG.
NotMax
@Violet
Have always had a sky high tolerance for any kind of drug.
Dentists probably lose money on me by the time the cost of all the injections needed before I even begin to get numb is factored in.
PsiFighter37
Apparently the networks won’t bother airing Obama’s speech on immigration tomorrow. Fuckers won’t even bother pretending they still respect the office of the president, all because there’s a black man in the White House.
Fuck them all with a rusty chainsaw. That’s completely disrespectful.
Suzanne
I need to smoke a bowl after the “why didn’t you bite his dick?” thread.
Have a coffeecake baking in the oven. My house smells better than yours.
dance around in your bones
@redshirt: Prolly. I’ll never know now, since I’m in a really cool place with really cool people – two guys and two girls….
My sister used to get TOTALLY FREAKED when she smoked pot – I remember one time she started screaming “You’re ALL INSANE!!!” and we were like….uh, whut?
Not everybody should smoke the weed.
GregB
Why are you all looking at me?
dance around in your bones
@PsiFighter37: Really??!! What the fuck??!!
Do you have a link?? Jeebus – at least we’ll b e able to find it on the ‘net. But really, what the fucking fuck??!!
I will never get over the disrespect shown to this wonderful Prez. I just saw Django Unchained last night on my laptop, and I thought well, Obama would fit right in with those pasty white motherfucking slave owners.Bad for him, of course – I wish he could go all Django Unchained on those fuckers in the House.
Man, I am going to KILL my keyboard if I don’t quit reading and just listen to Eddie Vedder and Leonard Cohen and X and …..well, you know.
Violet
@PsiFighter37: Discussion in an earlier thread about how refusing to air a presidential speech began with Reagan and has continued through all the subsequent presidents. They aren’t picking on President Obama in this regard. It seems really stupid on the networks’ part, though, since immigration is a huge issue in a certain growing and coveted demographic. Way to piss them off, networks.
redshirt
@PsiFighter37: I stopped watching TV news back in 2009 and it’s made my life immeasurably happier in many ways, foremost among them is Barack Obama is still MY President, 100%, no doubt no reservation. Best in a long time. I don’t care what the TV or Radio say.
redshirt
@dance around in your bones: Are you insane? Even a little?
Suzanne
@PsiFighter37: I am not sure that the networks not showing the speech is due to racism. Since more cable news outlets have become a thing, they’ve stopped showing a lot—including some of Shrub’s speeches, from what I understand.
I think this is due more to the fact that our society has become a total fail parade of fucking idiots who think that watching reruns of Honey Boo Boo is more worthwhile than having any knowledge of public affairs. All those people who didn’t vote in this last election have VERY IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO, such as getting stoned on a weeknight.
Violet
@Violet: Too late to edit, but previous discussion of networks refusing to air the speech starts here.
dance around in your bones
@redshirt: Uh, are you smoking the righteous herb?
Than yeah, maybe I AM a little insane. I remember when our mantra back in the late 60’s was “Maintain, Maintain” …. which wasn’t always so easy when you were on the purple dome in the bathroom at the local burger joint wondering why your body needed to sleep half it’s fucking life?!
Anyway, I got pretty good at “Maintaining” – even kept up with the guys :) on the hubble-bubble.LOL.
NotMax
Really good sale today at Macy’s.
Have needed a new bathrobe for like forever, but sticker shock kept delaying my getting one ($100 – or more – for a bathrobe? Give me a break.). Snagged one today for twenty-seven bucks.
Ditto a 12-pc set of nice saucepans, saute pan and a medium stockpot with glass lids, plus a few kitchen tools included. All made of decent gauge stainless steel, so can go into the oven if necessary. On special for $30, marked down from $120.
Drawback was waiting on line at the register for 57 minutes. The fault of that lay primarily with the customer buying somewhere around two grand’s worth of on-sale sheets and pillows*, who (of course) had both credit card and check problems and spent an inordinate amount of time cajoling whoever was on the other end of the phone to allow the charge. Lucky it was the bedding department, as there was a display bed on which I could sit and take the weight off the not so good leg.
*Didn’t inquire, but guessing she runs or is starting an unregulated B&B.
Mnemosyne
@Suzanne:
Given that this seems to have been happening since at least Reagan, I think you’re blaming the victims in this case. If the media decides that public affairs are less important than a “Honey Boo Boo” rerun, who are viewers to argue with them?
redshirt
@dance around in your bones: 420 e’ry day.
I have a theory that in fact everyone’s crazy, it’s just crazy is a spectrum and we all move along it, back and forth, from high to low, light to dark, yadda-yadda.
Some of us get stuck.
Tenar Darell
@PsiFighter37: @efgoldman: I’m going to guess Univision and most local Spanish language channels will have it too. Perhaps Al Jazeera?
Violet
@efgoldman: I get it, but when everyone from politicians to advertisers to TV networks are racing to get Latinos to pay attention to them, vote for them, spend money on their product, you’d think that when the President is going to announce something that will have a huge impact on that demographic they’d decide to air the speech.
Suzanne
@Mnemosyne: At least one network would show it if enough people complained about missing a speech, just like how some stores are resolutely remaining closed this year on Thanksgiving after hearing enough people complain about not letting their employees spend the day with their families. One of the major networks would also show it if the cable networks got what they judged to be high enough ratings. But people have other shit to do.
Violet
@Suzanne:
They are? Which stores are those?
dance around in your bones
@redshirt: You know, that’s a damn good theory.
Everyone I have known is at leasta little bit crazy, and a few have been nuckin futs.
Ok – here’s a story….I had a girlfriend who had an abusive boyfriend, and she wanted me to drive her over to his place so she could ‘talk’ to him. I said – well, ok, but I’m keeping the truck running, and you’re not rolling the window down more than an inch, WHY I agreed to this I’ll never know.
So we get there, they start arguing through the window, and he picks up a giant rock and throws it at the windshield, yelling “You want WAR, baby!! You GOT war!!”
So I burn on the gas pedal and get us the hell out of there, and when we stop at a gas station a bit later, she says “Well, at least I know how he feels, right?”
I just about fucking died. She actually died later in the hospital after a heart valve replacement, as her ‘boyfriend’ was bringing her cokane haha into her room,.She actually got busted by her docs, who said “Are you TRYING to kill yourself??!!”
I could not look at her open coffin at the funeral. Her parents had dressed her up like a hooker, and she was a hippie.- I had to go cry in the grotto for people who can’t handle funerals.
Jeezs, I’m a bed of roses tonight, aren’t I ??
Suzanne
@Violet: Here’s a partial list of stores closed on Thanksgiving:
Barnes & Noble
Bed Bath & Beyond
Burlington Coat Factory
Costco
Dillard’s
DSW
GameStop
Hobby Lobby
Home Depot
HomeGoods
Jo-Ann Fabrics
Lowe’s
Marshalls
Nordstrom
Petco
PetSmart
Talbots
T.J.Maxx
Sam’s Club
redshirt
@dance around in your bones:
I love your stories. Every detail. Tell me about another semi-crazy person.
Mnemosyne
@dance around in your bones:
You can’t bring alcohol into funeral homes in Illinois (or, at least, most of the decent ones don’t let you). That’s why my father-in-law picked the funeral home across the street from his favorite bar.
My dad didn’t want a funeral or anything formal, so we rented a picnic pavilion in a really nice park on a sunny day in August and had food and booze (well, wine and beer). While my brother’s friend the Jesuit priest was doing his eulogy, some little kid was riding his bike around in the background screaming his lungs out. Pop would have loved it.
Weird but true — when the priest read his eulogy, he read out a particular poem. We all looked at each other, and afterwards I went up to him and said, “Did you see the prayer card?” Because he had picked the exact same poem we had.
dance around in your bones
@redshirt:
Well, an earlier crazy ‘boyfriend’ told me a long story one night about how a very famous song was written about his girlfriend – it was quite long and involved and it made me very scared for her.
They actually had a child together. Child’s name was very weird.
My poor girlfriend – she got pregnant the very first time she fucked.Then married the abusive husband (not the boyfriend) – she seemed to have a knack for picking abusive guys.
Weird enough?
dance around in your bones
@Mnemosyne: That’s a nice story – I just took a V,alium and cried in the grotto.
Didn’t drink then.
redshirt
@dance around in your bones: Not really. That was all kind of normal, actually. Anything “exotic”?
Omnes Omnibus
@dance around in your bones:
I have a dating rule. I passed it on to my 13 y/o nephew recently. My niece will hear it when she hits the same age. “Never bate anyone crazier than you are.” I’ll will admit that I have violated this rule quite frequently and it has led to interesting adventures. Nevertheless, it is a good rule.
Mnemosyne
@dance around in your bones:
We’re (part) Irish, so the question after any wake or funeral is, Where’s the afterparty? Assuming the wake doesn’t turn into a party itself, which is not unusual.
Story from my father-in-law’s wake: the family (including his five brothers and their wives) all gathered in a circle to do a prayer at the end of the day. The brother who’s really involved in the church (Catholic, of course) is picked to do the prayer, but he keeps forgetting the words and his wife has to prompt him.
After a few minutes of this, a voice from the back of the crowd says, “Amen!” The uncle stumbles through another line, but another person says, “Amen!” So, yes, my father-in-law’s brother was heckled during his prayer at my father-in-law’s wake. And it was funny as hell.
(My in-laws are about 90 percent Irish, so they really don’t take this whole funeral stuff seriously. It’s a time to remember the person and tell funny stories about them, not to stand around being sad.)
Suzanne
@Omnes Omnibus: I wish you had told me that prior to 2003.
CanadaGoose
@jaleh: 72 here and the same.
Omnes Omnibus
@Suzanne: Oh, the crazy people I have dated… They are interesting and fun. And more willing than sane people to have sex in fountains and things like that. And yet, despite all that, not good for the long term. In your case, first hubby?
Suzanne
@Omnes Omnibus: Yes. So crazy he is still in therapy, AA, occasionally court-ordered treatment, rehab…..
The crazy people I didn’t marry were awesomely fun.
Mnemosyne
@dance around in your bones:
I told G that I was telling you funny funeral stories and his immediate response was, “Amen!”
dance around in your bones
@redshirt: Srsly?
Ok – Did I ever tell ya about my friends who opened fopr Tom Waits way back in the day, and I crouched in the wings and watched this weird/exotic guy leaning against a lampost and smoking a cigarette and kinda growling to himself?
Or should I tell you my truck driver story? People got a kick out of it the other night.
Or maybe I should tell you about the time we got stranded in Afghanistan aft6er some soldiers stole all our shit, including my NIKON! and we even had to go to town the next day to extract some $$ somehow to pay the bastardos off.
Oddly enough, they let us keep the hash we were smuggling put of Herat and we stashed it in a brick furnace on the way to Kabul. A nice family put us up all winter in their hotel with the promise that we’d pay them when the fucking $$ came in – which it did.
I used to squat in the kitchen with the women who cooked, and learned a lot about cooking Afghan food. Plus I was only about 2 years older than their daughter Fazila, so we became fast friends.
dance around in your bones
@Omnes Omnibus: Interesting in the Chinese sense, I suppose?
Mnemosyne
@Suzanne:
G was very relieved to find out when we met that I was already in therapy, so even though I was crazy, at least I wasn’t going to expect him to fix me.
Omnes Omnibus
@Mnemosyne:
When I was in college, one of my fraternity brothers accidentally fell out of a train in Germany and was killed. The best memorial to him that we did was to sit out on “tin beach,” a west facing roof surface of the frat house that was one of his favorite places on campus and drink and tell stories about him. People walked by the House and bitched about us being uncaring douchebags – on this particular occasion they were wrong. It was the right thing to do.
dance around in your bones
@Mnemosyne:
Hey G! Hallelujah!! Your wife is great. Appreciate that !!
Suzanne
@Mnemosyne: The former Mr. Suzanne slides in and out of relative sanity and functionality. He’s been in therapy for a long time, but I don’t know if it’s really helping. He lies like he breathes, even, especially, to himself.
Suzanne
@dance around in your bones: You have the best stories. I just want to buy you pitchers of beer and listen to you for hours.
Omnes Omnibus
@dance around in your bones: Yes.
dance around in your bones
@Omnes Omnibus: Omnes, we lived on a series of houseboats in Amsterdam…..one night (I don’t think I was there) a friend got really stoned and fell off the boat into the canal.
Died.
It was totally fucked up. Like, how do you tell his parents what the fuck happened? He was only 18 or so. WE didn’t even know what the fuck happened.
P.S. Our houseboat was locally nicknamed “The Hash Boat”, which we didn’t know until after I got busted and deported.
Mnemosyne
A blog post on real Irish wakes (as in, wakes in rural Ireland).
Omnes Omnibus
@dance around in your bones: Did I ever tell you my first visit to Amsterdam story?
dance around in your bones
@Suzanne: Just buy my book when I finally get around to fucking writing it instead of hanging out on this wonderful blog.
Actually, someone told me the other day I should just search through the archives of BJ and copy all my ‘stories’ (which are ALL TRUE, I SWEAR!!) and comments, and start from there. Good advice?
Mnemosyne
Hmm. I tried to post a link, and FYWP ate it. Trying again: a blog post about real (as in rural Ireland) Irish wakes.
dance around in your bones
@Omnes Omnibus: That wasn’t the fountain story? I think that was in Italy…
So – DO tell! Spill it, amigo!
Mnemosyne
@Suzanne:
I’m pretty functional now — luckily for him, G and I didn’t meet until I’d been successful in therapy and on medication for about 5 years. (I specifically avoided substance abuse due to family history, so at least I didn’t have that piled on top of depression and ADHD.)
Omnes Omnibus
@dance around in your bones: Not a bad start. Just to get some of the bones together. Think about a theme. Chronological? Thematic? Stream of consciousness? Then run with it.
Violet
@dance around in your bones: That would be a good place to start. And a working title could be, “ALL TRUE, I SWEAR!”
dance around in your bones
@Omnes Omnibus: Dude??!! The Amsterdam story??!!
Give it up!
@Violet: I like that, Violet – but I think Dave Barry has that all locked up :)
Mnemosyne
@dance around in your bones:
Go up to the Google bar and type:
“dance around in your bones” site:balloon-juice.com
That should pull up every thread that the string of your name appears in, though they won’t be in chronological order.
dance around in your bones
@Mnemosyne: Thanks – I know how to do that – which is why I rarely tell people my nym on BJ!!!!
Jeebus! The things I could tell!! Still waiting for Omnes’s A’dam story, but he’s prolly in bed by now…….
redshirt
I just got my heart broken by a mexican american nymphomaniac.
Omnes Omnibus
@dance around in your bones: The fountain story was in Kitzbuhel, Austria. Amsterdam was different. I went to London for a term during my junior year in college. My college maintains a small London campus. The way a London term is set up allows a ten day break in the middle of the term. I resolved to do Paris/Munich/Amsterdam. Paris was Paris; I will always love it. Munich was conversations about the UK miners strike with a demented Irish guy who was really cool and the lovely Swiss girl. After that, I got on the train to A-dam. Once I got there, I walked out of the Central Station and was approached by a dude. The dude asked my if I was looking for a place to stay. I very carefully answered, “I am looking for a youth hostel, yes.” He said, “What would you say if I offered you a place to stay for free?” Based on my expression, he said, ” You are a university student, yes? You think there is a catch? There is. I am bisexual.” I said that I was straight. He then said he could offer me money. I Told him that I was actually quite well off and wandered away. I walked into Bob’s Youth Hostel, and, as I entered a woman shouted out my name and ran across the room to give me a hug. Every other guy in the place stared daggers at me. She was a recent graduate of my school, doing a backpacking trip through Europe. It should be understood that her dad was a Chicago lawyer who invested some money in his friend Hugh’s new magazine in the mid-50s and then married one of the earliest girls in the mag. the girl in A-dam was one of the most beautiful women I have ever met. So anyway we catch up on college gossip and go to sleep. The next day we went out together and stopped eventually in a coffee shop. We drank beers and a brownies and some dude started passing Bob Marley sized spliffs around (so says my memory). The girl the helps get me to the train station so I can catch the boat train to London. On the boat, there was a theater showing Risky Business. To this day, I can call up a distinct memory of having been in that movie. The train deposited me in in central London just as the bankers were showing up for work.
Omnes Omnibus
@dance around in your bones: I was typing a lot.
dance around in your bones
@redshirt: At least it wasn’t yer dick,
What was that movie where the guy got his dick broke in a van? Never mind.
Watch this:
Mebbe you’ll laugh….
Violet
@Omnes Omnibus: I like that story. Are you still in touch with the girl?
Omnes Omnibus
@redshirt: Hearts are there to be broken. When I am skiing, I figure I am not pushing myself and improving if I don’t fall at least a couple of times a day. If you heart doesn’t ever get broken, you are not putting it out there (or you are the one lucky bastard who stumbled into a perfect match on the first roll of the dice). Figure the odds.
redshirt
It’s post modern, so it’s cool.
Omnes Omnibus
@Violet: Somewhere on FB. She was out of my league back then. By my late 20s, I would have had the sophistication to have stood with the 22 year old version of that girl. She (with her boyfriend) was there when I first did coke. And she was there when I realized that I couldn’t do coke because I really liked it. She was over it by the time I tried it. Being an equal in A-dam meant a lot to me at the time aside from the “who the fuck is he?” from the dudes at Bob’s.
ETA: I wrote this story for DAIYB and she is probably off getting some. Probably the better choice.
dance around in your bones
@Omnes Omnibus:
Oh yeah, you were!! Typing a LOT! we all expect instant results nowadays, no?
Great story. Like, when did you decide to be heterosexual (hahahahahha)
Muchas gracias, mi amigo..
Anne Laurie
@Omnes Omnibus: My dad actually used Nelson Algren’s most famous quote: “Never play cards with a man called Doc. Never eat at a place called Mom’s. Never sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than your own.”
(And if he’d known about that in 1955, he’d have had a happier life & probably lived longer, but none of his six kids would be here to remember him… )
dance around in your bones
Ok, Omnes, – that only counts if you waz dancing around in your tighty whities.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Said with loving kindness :)
Omnes Omnibus
@dance around in your bones: I have some very good stories. I just don’t have the numbers to compete with you. I didn’t even mention that the guy who approached me outside the station showed me his “journalist” identification card to show his respectability. I don’t read Dutch. As far as I knew then or know now it could have been a sex offender identification card
Omnes Omnibus
@dance around in your bones: No, it was the scenes where Cruise was going around and recruiting people – I was one of the buddies.
dance around in your bones
@Omnes Omnibus: Frack – I guess I got lucky on the first roll…… though I must admit I rolled a few times more during the years.
So did he. Especially when he was kinda locked up in AFG for NO fucking reason? I remember going to Pakistan during that time, and a mutual friend saw me in the bazaar and said “You’ve got to get D out of AFG!!!!! He’s got a girlfriend!!!”
Well. good I said. I hope he gets some comfort out of her.
She (girlfriend) turned up later on our farm, dragging her stupid boyfriend with her, who was quite jealous of my husband. Long story there, for another night..I did beat them both at cards, though – even a game I had never played before…..for some reason it made them quite mad. Fuck that shit.
@Omnes Omnibus: Jeebus – I WISH. Hookup dude is in Portland for some fucking reason. Wish he’d come home and do the nasty :) With ME!!!!
Omnes Omnibus
@dance around in your bones: For me there were nearly 50 women before I found someone. That gave me seven years. It’s been four years since she decided she wanted something else.
dance around in your bones
@Omnes Omnibus: That’s fucking hilarious. I think I said last night that I pretended to be a journalist, too – when I met all those guys on the airplane to Pesh? I even got a typewriter from the front desk at my hotel so I could pretend like I was writing, I won’t tell you what I was REALLY doing.
We should do a book together – you do one chapter, I do another…..ok, maybe too confusing., But – kinda cool.
Omnes Omnibus
@dance around in your bones: Please do not invest yourself in him. You should know that sometimes once is enough. N’est-ce pas?
Ruckus
@Mnemosyne:
That’s the way it should be. The person is gone, they can’t celebrate or cry about it any more. And unless the person was a complete ass there have to be good stories and fun times to remember. And if they were a complete ass you can at least celebrate one less complete ass in your life.
Maybe you can tell, there’s more than a bit of Irish in me as well.
Seanly
The cringe worthy part is probably when they’re playing Cards Against Humanity. When we played it at the last big Christmas get-together, it was interesting to see who needed the occasional explanation of terms. Players ranged in age from late 20’s to late 60’s (with me smack in the middle & not needing much help).
dance around in your bones
@Omnes Omnibus:
Yo comprende, it’s no riddle..Just a bit of fun.While it lasts.
He was very kind.
Omnes Omnibus
@dance around in your bones: Okay then. Why I get protective about some people, I don’t know.
dance around in your bones
@Omnes Omnibus: I like that about you. Loving kiindness, as I said.
But I’m a big girl, I can take care of myself.
Omnes Omnibus
@dance around in your bones: I know you can. Live your your life. You have my good thoughts going with you.
dance around in your bones
@Omnes Omnibus: Ok, I went from Mexican Radio to Turning Japanese –
I remember in the 80’s going to some store? in LA? and this song was on. I had to sit in my Volvo and listen to it …..just because.
eta: Do you remember this bit? “No sex, no drugs, no wine ,no women and etc?” cracked me the fuck up.
jc
Why a bong? I’m all for turning these ladies on, but find a delivery device that’s better suited to their sensibilities. Groovy, grandma.
Fred
Way back in 1970, on the last day of high school a couple girls baked an ounce into a pan of brownies and passed them out in Spanish class. The teacher REALLY liked those brownies and ate more than her share. She was having so much fun just talking about this and that. It was such a great way to kick off the summer.