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You are here: Home / Elections / Election 2016 / Open Thread: Dance of the Sugarplum Patsies

Open Thread: Dance of the Sugarplum Patsies

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Under the “I read these idiots so you don’t have to” rubric, Jonathan Bernstein at Bloomberg View:

The Republican presidential field just gets bigger and bigger. Three early-look lists last week — compiled by Karl Rove, by Politico’s Mike Allen and by conservative talk-show host Steve Deace — identified 26 candidates in total. Yikes!…

Early in 2015, which will be about a year away from the Iowa caucuses, candidates must start establishing campaign organizations, nationally and in the early states. Stronger candidates don’t have to declare formally too soon. But it’s already late for any candidate to begin to campaign.…

Even given the obvious beat-sweetner, count-padding candidates (George Pataki, Carly Fiorina, John Bolton, Peter King — none of them are running, but they can probably offer a reporter a nice lunch and some useful quotes), that’s a lot of bad meat on the hoof.

In the spirit of the holiday season, I’m imagining a GOP Nutcracker Ballet — plenty of marauding mice, toy soldiers, random blossoms, naughty lambies, Engelkinder, and a complete dessert buffet of exotic dancers. With Karl Rove as Herr Drosselmeyer, and the Koch brothers alternating performances as Mother Gingerbread…

Reader Interactions

116Comments

  1. 1.

    jl

    Only 26? I want more GOP primary candidates. If they get up to 50 for the first debate, I’ll watch the damn thing, and do it sober too.

  2. 2.

    Tara the Antisocial Social Worker

    No Michele Bachmann? Can we have Louie Gohmert run? There’s always room for one more in the clown car.

  3. 3.

    beltane

    In Fifth grade two of my friends were toy soldiers in the NYC Ballet’s Nutcracker and I got to spend a lot of time backstage with them in the costume room. After all those years I still love the Nutcracker. I don’t think I’d like to see the GOP Nutcracker. There are some parts for rats but a whole ballet featuring rats isn’t my cup of tea.

  4. 4.

    beltane

    @jl: They’ll need some kind of process of elimination in the debates. Maybe it should be like The Voice where some of them are told, kindly, that this just isn’t working out for them.

  5. 5.

    KG

    John Bolton is the neocon id of the GOP. It would be fun to watch him list countries to bomb. He’s like the ur-mustache of knowledge

  9. 9.

    mai naem mobile

    @beltane: The Voice? Who would be the trainers/judges? Dubbya , Dick Cheney and Dan Quayle??? The Daily Show needs to get on this idea quick.

  13. 13.

    Baud

    @beltane:

    They’ll need some kind of process of elimination in the debates.

    So I was going to make a comment about how the process of elimination should be like Agatha Christie’s And Then There Were None. But then I looked it up on Wikipedia and learned this:

    And Then There Were None is a mystery novel by Agatha Christie, widely considered her masterpiece and described by her as the most difficult of her books to have written.[1] It was first published in the United Kingdom by the Collins Crime Club on 6 November 1939[2] as Ten Little Niggers, after the British blackface song which serves as a major plot point.[3][4] The title was changed to the last line of the rhyme – And Then There Were None – for the first American edition, which used the original American version of the song.[5] That song title, Ten Little Indians, was used for some editions, until the Christie estate formally approved the US title of the work.

    Damn.

  18. 18.

    Hal

    Can someone please explain to me how John Bolton’s name keeps showing up on these lists? Every time talk of who is going to run comes up on the GOP side, some very serious person mentions Bolton. The only thing I know of the guy is that Bush picked him to crap on the U.N. for daring to question Shrubs Iraq war plans and not unequivocally support him in every way, no questions asked. Or did I just answer my own question?

  19. 19.

    beltane

    @mai naem mobile: It did happen to Fox right before the 2008 NH primary. A group of Ron Paul supporters followed Sean Hannity down the the street chanting “Fox Sucks!”. Those were the days.

  20. 20.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Hal: I think Bolton’s mustache would be a better candidate than Bolton himself, and have you seen that ‘stache?

  24. 24.

    Baud

    @Hal:

    He’s occupies a place in the GOP pantheon because he’s the “foreign policy” guy. Each GOPer has a unique niche for the Village worshipers.

  25. 25.

    jl

    @raven: I stand corrected. But thanks for getting my point.

    I’ll write the GOP and tell them to DO IT, dammitall! Demolition Derby’s in used Cadillac automobiles.
    They should do that for every GOP primary for every office, anyway. DO IT, DO IT NOW!

    Could combine it with voter registration and fundraising drives, just like PBS does.

  26. 26.

    lamh36

    Don Lemon, proving once again that Don Lemon is an idiot!

    Jesse Jackson Explains Civil Rights History To Confused Don Lemon (VIDEO) @TPM

    …Lemon then suggested that the violence in Ferguson was a change from peaceful protests in the 60s.

    “Reverend, part of your legacy is that you marched with Dr. King peacefully, non-violent protests,” he said. “What has changed in our culture and our society that people result — resort to things that played out here last night in Ferguson?”

    “You do know that when Dr. King was alive we had the Watts riots and the Newark riots and the Detroit riots and Chicago,” Jackson responded, adding that “police action triggered those riots.”

    “Blacks are ten times more likely to be arrested. That matters. And for juries to look in the face of killed young blacks and say that jury was justified in letting them go through, that’s a bitter pill to swallow,” Jackson added.

  32. 32.

    Mike J

    Sunday’s Times referred to the Republicans “deep bench” of candidates.

    Deep is not the word I would choose.

  37. 37.

    Kay

    Some Republicans here are fighting mad about the immigration rule change. I first heard about it today. It’s never been a huge rage-inducer locally, immigration, so I think it’s national outrage that they’re catching.

    I told them they have Congress so impeach, pass a law against the rule change, do something. They have more than enough power to do all kinds of things.

    I think that’s what they’re mad about, really, they know that’s not going to happen.

  39. 39.

    Mike J

    @Omnes Omnibus: I’ve tried ten times to watch it, but I keep looking in the crowd for people I know/have boned. Too distracting. I have recorded and just listened and it’s great show.

  40. 40.

    GregB

    I saw an article that alleged that the Democratic bench was destroyed by this last election.

    Funny, losing by 20 points didn’t seem to take Santorum out of quadrennial running of the bullshit.

  41. 41.

    Baud

    @Kay:

    I think that’s what they’re mad about, really, they know that’s not going to happen.

    I wish Republicans would catch the I’m-disappointed-and-won’t-vote disease.

  42. 42.

    Joey Maloney

    Bolton would be the ultimate GOP Daddy. The press would lick his face then roll over and show their belly for the entire campaign.

  43. 43.

    Violet

    @Omnes Omnibus: Don Lemon is 48? Good Lord. He looks like a chiild. And I don’t mean in a good skincare regimen kind of way, I mean in his demeanor. He seems so childlike and naive, like he’s never heard anything before. I had no idea he was that old.

  44. 44.

    Comrade Scrutinizer

    @lamh36: I’ve not forgotten the ballots or bullets speech.

    I’m nonviolent with those who are nonviolent with me. But when you drop that violence on me, then you’ve made me go insane, and I’m not responsible for what I do. And that’s the way every Negro should get. Any time you know you’re within the law, within your legal rights, within your moral rights, in accord with justice, then die for what you believe in. But don’t die alone. Let your dying be reciprocal. This is what is meant by equality. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.

    The media and the pols would have us all believe it was all “I have a dream” and “Free at last, free at last!” It wasn’t.

  49. 49.

    Tara the Antisocial Social Worker

    @jl:

    If they get up to 50 for the first debate, I’ll watch the damn thing, and do it sober too.

    And if you drink every time they DON’T invoke Reagan, you’ll still be sober at the end.

  50. 50.

    Violet

    @Omnes Omnibus: I believe you but I can hardly believe it, if that makes sense. Personality-wise he seems about 17, although he looks older. So I figured he must be kind of late 20’s/early 30’s.

  51. 51.

    lamh36

    @Omnes Omnibus: Oh, Don Lemon knows exactly what game he is playing.

    When CNN got rid of the likes of Soledad O’Brien, TJ Holmes, and other analysts of color, Don Lemon was the last negro standing, and he milks it for all it’s worth.

    He looks like a fool a majority of the time and even gets side-eyed looks from a majority of the people in the Black community.

  52. 52.

    Baud

    @lamh36:

    I kind of liked Soledad. I wonder where she ended up.

    ETA: According to the tubes: She is the chairman of Starfish Media Group, a 360-media production company and distributor.

  53. 53.

    lamh36

    @Violet: Black really don’t crack…lol. The melanin tends to taper off the effect of the sun, particularly if you take good care of your skin

  56. 56.

    SarahT

    @Beltane: NYC protestors tonight were yelling “Fuck CNN” live on CNN. Would love to see a clip of that.

  60. 60.

    Violet

    @lamh36: Yeah, it’s not that, though. He just looks like an overgrown kid. Personality-wise. He’s got those wide eyes and just soaks up whatever crap people are spewing and churns it right back out again. Black hole swallowing the Malaysian Airlines plane? Hey, people are talking about it! It’s the kind of thing a young, inexperienced reporter might do before they realized they were being played and better developed their skepticism.

  62. 62.

    Redshift

    One of the few moments of hilarity around Election Night was Rience Priebus talking about how the Dems didn’t have a very deep bench, because Republicans have so many more candidates for 2016.

    Quantity, not quality, that’s the secret!

  66. 66.

    Mnemosyne

    @Baud:

    The casual use of “nigger” and other slurs in unexpected places when reading pre-Civil Rights books came up on Slacktivist a few days ago. Short version seems to be that the N-word didn’t have the same association with vicious white supremacists in Great Britain that it had here and was used casually a lot longer there than it was here.

    Thank You, Jeeves, by PG Wodehouse, is one of my favorite books, but there is a group of minstrels in it and a lot of the British editions don’t bother to censor the N-word out of it. It’s a little startling to run across it if you’re not ready for it.

  67. 67.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Violet: I am trying to be good. I really am. Last night, I was shocked and horrified, not so much the no bill itself – although that was fucked up – but the “performance” by McCulloch. I am as ashamed to share a profession with him as I am with sharing it with John Yoo. He had a job to do and, if because of personal considerations, he couldn’t do it, he had an obligation to recuse himself. Well, simply fuck him.

  69. 69.

    Emma

    @Baud: One of the most startling things about reading some of my favorite authors ( I love the “classic” detective novels) is coming face to face with the casual racism of the time. My stomach jumps every time, even though I know it’s coming. However, each time I remember the words of one of my favorite history teachers: You will never understand history if you only look at it through a modern lens.

    Still not as startling to find out that H.G.Wells was that scientific monstrosity, an eugenicist.

  70. 70.

    Violet

    @Omnes Omnibus: That performance by McCullouch was shocking. Except not. Hell, it’ll probably enhance his career. Didn’t he just win re-election and was unopposed?

  73. 73.

    Mike E

    @Baud:

    I simply don’t watch CNN voluntarily anymore.

    I don’t have cable so it’s not hard for me to avoid it. However, CNN suuuuucks. Really really.

    Fox News is honest by comparison because they aren’t trying to be anything other than what their audience wants then to be; CNN comes from legitimacy and then puts the screws to their audience, who apparently don’t know what’s hitting them.

    People who watch that shit need an intervention. Sadly.

  75. 75.

    Mnemosyne

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    I love Preston Sturges’s films, I really do, but goddamn does he have some of the most embarrassing racial stereotypes ever in his films. The Palm Beach Story probably bothers me the most at this point, and I haven’t even watched it since this recent spate of police shootings. Because drunk white guys using two black bartenders for target practice is funny!

  76. 76.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @lamh36: After that presser, I think he painted a big target on his back for Holder to shoot at. I know that you were disgusted by what happened, but you were not surprised. I think a lot of lawyers were shocked at how casually half-assed he was about things. I know I was. I hope that the DoJ comes down on him and everyone around him like a ton of bricks.

  77. 77.

    Comrade Luke

    I’m really shocked at how many people are either a) convinced Darren Wilson is completely justified in his actions/Brown is 100% guilty and b) more outraged over “looters” than anything else that has happened.

    I don’t even know how to have a discussion with these people.

  79. 79.

    NotMax

    Nutcracker? Un-American (Think of the children!). And ballet, to boot (Gay!).

    Tchaikovsky? Russian (Commie!).

    Hoffman? Germanic (Nazi!)

    /Republican base

    The former died before the Revolution and the latter well before either Bismarck welded together Germany or Adolf H. was born, but that’s the type of reality-based stuff Republican candidates and the tea party nutballs tend to dismiss.

  80. 80.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Comrade Luke: We had “looter concern” here already last night. As for the rest, an unarmed person was shot multiple times at a distance of at least 35′. if a prosecutor can’t get probable cause for some felony out of that, the prosecutor wasn’t trying. End of story, in my mind.

  82. 82.

    Comrade Luke

    @Omnes Omnibus: That doesn’t fly against the “the grand jury didn’t think it had enough evidence to indict, so what’s the problem?” argument. Also used: You weren’t on the grand jury, how can you possibly know more than them?

    It just seems hopeless sometimes. And Thanksgiving is just going to be awesome – not.

  84. 84.

    beltane

    @Comrade Luke: You don’t have a discussion with those people. All you can do is keep track of who they are and shove their evil back in their face at a later time. preferably when they are bitching about some injustice life has meted out to them.

  85. 85.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @divF: The basic charge is violating his civil rights while acting under color of law. Basically using his status as a law enforcement official to kill someone without justification. This is not my area of expertise, so I don’t want to go deeper. However, the DoJ could and probably will take a deeper look at the police practices in the area and it will threaten a lawsuit unless the folks enter into a consent decree to fix their shit.

  87. 87.

    Suzanne

    I watched CNN for under five minutes, and it pissed me off. I think it was Toobin who said something along the lines of “They couldn’t indict, because there was reasonable doubt! You only indict if you know you can get a conviction!”. And someone else pointed out, “That’s not the standard.”.

    You know, if I was wrong this often at work, I’D GET FIRED.

  88. 88.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Suzanne:

    McCulloch was entirely, ENTIRELY full of shit in that press conference. Such epic CYA attempts. Such brazen lying.

    He said a big fuck you to everyone who cared about this. Unfortunately for him, one of the people who cares is Eric Holder. A quick “The grand jury found no true bill. The evidence presented to the grand jury is being released as we speak,” would have served him better.

  91. 91.

    beltane

    @Omnes Omnibus: That’s what made me so angry about all this. Cops get away with murder all the time, but I’ve never seen a situation where a prosecutor went to such great lengths to insult the people he is supposed to serve. (He is, after all, a public servant). McCulloch’s behavior undermines the legitimacy of government itself.

  92. 92.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Comrade Luke: I will be spending T-day weekend with a bunch of liberals. Oddly, since on criminal matters I tend toward the defense; this will actually make conversations with my s-i-l easier.

    There was probable cause; whether a conviction could be obtained, is another question – one that should have been resolved at a trial.

  93. 93.

    NotMax

    @Mike J

    The Dam Busters, yes. Peter Jackson had been working on pre-production of a remake (delayed because of some fantasy movies), but do recall discussion when it was announced about whether to maintain the historical accuracy of the pooch’s name or not.

    @Mnemosyne

    Don’t want to get into a whole megillah, but Sturges certainly populated his films with a multitude of cartoonish white stereotypes (of the time) as well.

    Oh, and only one African-American steward was in the scene with the Ale & Quail club, and he wasn’t targeted per se. The gist of the scene is that the shooting was at soda crackers thrown into the air, and shots would have been in that same direction regardless of the skin color of the steward.

  98. 98.

    beltane

    Ugh, after reading the NYT piece about Eric Holder I made the mistake of clicking David Brook’s latest nonsense “A Unifying Leader”. Please don’t make the same mistake I made.

  100. 100.

    JoyfulA

    @Emma: In my early days in the book business, I proofread a new edition of a Grace Livingston Hill romance with the racism cut out of it. It was still floridly classist (and, of course, sexist).

  101. 101.

    Mnemosyne (iPhone)

    @NotMax:

    Sorry, but after taking all of Sturges’ horrific racial stereotypes in totality (have you SEEN “Sullivan’s Travels” lately?) I can make no more excuses for Sturges. And I’m someone who’s willing to forgive Keaton’s blackface scene in “College.”

    (My defense of Keaton in blackface: he’s deliberately in disguise/concealing his identity in the scene, he doesn’t act in a stereotyped manner until he thinks that someone he knows may have recognized him, and none of the black actors around him in the scene acts in a stereotyped way. I still wince a little, though.)

  102. 102.

    BlueDWarrior

    It has been about a day or so, at least by the calendar, and I still can’t get over the fact that apparently Ofc. Wilson thought Michael Brown had suddenly turned into one of those “super-predators” that are akin to flesh-and-blood terminators.

    Also Rachel had a nice segment on the absolutely insane genesis of the whole ‘super-predator’ theory, and how, even though there has been no evidence to support it in the intervening years, still grips a certain segment of our population like the whole ‘welfare queen’ political meme.

  104. 104.

    Morzer

    Am I the only person to think Sugarplum Fairy and imagine Lindsay Graham as premiere danseuse, while Joni Ernst fulfils the same role for the Nutcracker?

  106. 106.

    Morzer

    @BillinGlendaleCA:

    Or I could be having a sober vision of the modern GOP. After all, no less an intellectual titan than Luke Russert thought Joni Ernst might be a potential VP candidate. Frightening, isn’t it?

  112. 112.

    BillinGlendaleCA

    @Morzer: I didn’t realize that you were related to young Luke.

    I spent several hours this evening making curry puffs(that contains potatoes) and now smell like curry and clove. A not altogether unpleasant odor.

  114. 114.

    Barney

    Fiorina is doing her best to look like a real candidate – the Washington Post has taken the bait:

    Carly Fiorina actively explores 2016 presidential run but faces GOP critics

    Sensing an opportunity in a crowded field that lacks a front-runner, the former Hewlett-Packard chief executive is actively exploring a 2016 presidential run. Fiorina has been talking privately with potential donors, recruiting campaign staffers, courting grass-roots activists in early caucus and primary states and planning trips to Iowa and New Hampshire starting next week.
    …
    But Fiorina, 60, has considerable challenges, chiefly that she has sought but never held public office. Lingering disarray from her last campaign could also haunt her next one, undercutting her image as an effective manager. Fiorina still owes nearly $500,000 to consultants and staffers from her failed 2010 Senate bid in California — debts that have left some former associates bitter.
    …
    When Fiorina declared her candidacy for Senate in 2009, she filed paperwork pegging her net worth at between $30 million and $120 million. She donated $5.2 million to her campaign and lent it an additional $1.5 million, for which she was repaid, according to FEC records.

    So that’s how you run a campaign – despite being worth several million, you make sure your loan gets repaid when the election bid goes down in flames, but leave the ‘little guys’ hanging for years. And start a new PAC which doesn’t lift a finger to get those debts repaid. Just imagine what this bold ethical stance could do for the country if she was president!

  115. 115.

    Amir Khalid

    @Barney:
    From The Washington Post:

    “She’s very articulate, she’s very thoughtful and has a very positive message,” said David Carney, who has been a top strategist for past GOP presidential candidates and whose wife worked with Fiorina this year in New Hampshire. “She’s got just as much of a record of accomplishment and a story and ideas as anybody else who’s running.”

    I think this is what they call damning with faint praise.

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