College football is winding down, and after this week’s conference championships, the inaugural playoff picture will become less murky — or maybe it’ll be thrown into turmoil. We know the Ducks are in after walloping Arizona yesterday; the only question is at what seed. Here are my picks for today’s games; less-than-rational rationales below:
The Horned Frogs will win because they’re the gott-damn HORNED FROGS! I think Alabama beats Mizzou. I like Mizzou better, but I don’t think they’ll win, and as an SEC gal, I’m sorta pulling for ‘Bama because I think they’ll be a stronger conference rep in the playoffs.
I really want Georgia Tech to beat the fucking ‘Noles because I hate the fucking ‘Noles. But the fucking ‘Noles tend to play badly enough to toy with the emotions of their haters and then win in the end. That will happen one more time today, dashing my schadenfreude yet again.
I think Boise State, Houston and Tulane will prevail over their opponents. Just a feeling. I am pulling for Oklahoma over Oklahoma State purely for the sake of front-page colleague Soonergrunt.
Baylor beats K-State because they have a better coach. I’m hoping Wisconsin knocks off the Buckeyes because fuck The Ohio State University, and I think there’s a good chance of that outcome because OSU lost its QB.
Southern Meth vs UConn — good lord, they both suck. I think Southern Meth wins just because the poor bastards have lost every game this year, so they’re due.
Marshall vs Louisiana Tech — I picked Marshall just because. What say you, football fans?
PS: Thoughts on the new Gators coach, Jim McElwain? I think he’s a solid hire. At a minimum, I was hoping for someone who knows the SEC and has successful head coaching experience. McElwain fits the bill.
BGinCHI
Upset prediction:
GA Tech over FSU.
I can’t wait to see those fuckers lose.
Dolly Llama
@BGinCHI: It galls me to be cheering for Georgia Tech, but I’ll be damned if that’s not the position I find myself in today. I hope you’re right, BG.
Betty Cracker
@BGinCHI & @Dolly Llama: From y’all’s keyboards to the FSM’s screen…
BGinCHI
@Dolly Llama: Same.
I’ve spent the whole season “rooting against” more than ever, I think.
Davebo
@BGinCHI:
I’m with you there!
Baylor vs KState is all going to come down to how healthy Brice Petty is after last weeks concussion.
Oklahoma always has it’s hands full with OK State but I imagine Big Game Bob will not fall on his face this weekend.
LA Tech has a good chance of beating Marshall and I’ll also root for Tulane because my girl got her JD there despite the fact that she has no clue her Alma Matter even has a football team. That and NAWLINS!!!
J R in WV
Well as a graduate of Marshall (BSCS, 1984) I’ve gotta be rooting for them to win. I guess LA Tech has a chance to win, but after losing their last game I expect The Herd will be digging deep for this game.
Davebo
@J R in WV:
I just think LA Tech’s spanking of Rice (76-31) last week was pretty impressive. Rice’s defense sucks but still…
JPL
Although, I’d love the playoff selection team to be in a tizzy, it’s unlikely that Bama and the Noles lose.
Tommy
@Davebo: Go Tulane. I often note here I went to LSU for my MA. Dad got his PhD there. But I wanted to go to Tulane. My parents, bless their souls, paid for all of my education. We couldn’t afford Tulane. I hate to ponder what it costs today, because in the early 90s it was really expensive. Go Green Wave!
Dolly Llama
@Davebo: Ha. To steal a joke from the “Hatin’ Ass Spurrier” feature at everydayshouldbesaturday.com, “Usually when 76 and 31 get together in Texas, the kids get together and hire a lawyer to contest the will.”
Hawes
So what happens if Tech beats FSU Rape Enablers? And the Badgers beat the QB-less Buckeyes?
Is freaking Baylor a possibility in the Final Four with Alabama, Oregon and TCU?
That’s kind of…unexpected.
jharp
“because fuck The Ohio State University”
Hey there. I am an Ohio State graduate. Was a classmate of Art Schlicter, the most unbelievable story ever. And I used to see him at the horse racing track. All the time. And it did not turn out well for him.
I live about 15 minutes from the game. Was thinking of moseying down to take it in . My guess is $25 gets you in the game. And Lucas Oil Stadium is amazing. Wish I was younger. My sense of adventure is about 1/100 of what it once was. Little chance I have the gumption to go.
The Dangerman
@BGinCHI:
That’s my upset pick. FSU is about to see Karma run over their Dog (Winston), Ma.
ETA: Bama will abuse Missouri if they give a shit (they are in, win or lose)
ETA2: …and Baylor beats KSU and gets into the Final Four.
RaflW
Go FROGS!
mainmati
I have always wondered where all those fake Ohio State Universities came from, requiring OSU to refer to itself as The OSU. I think it’s the only college/university that is that insecure.
Tommy
@Hawes: Baylor beat TCU. I am a SEC guy. With that said I could almost argue that both Baylor and TCU, if they beat Kanas State, ought to be in the playoff. At times the best teams might be in the same conference. I’d pay money to see Bama play either TCU or Baylor. I don’t think anything of Ohio State. Not even a top ten team for me. Alabama is bama. I’d want no part of them. Oregon is a bad ass team. Now with that said, I am a SEC homer, I don’t think any team will beat Alabama.
burnspbesq
Already a good weekend for upsets.
Yale beats Connecticut in men’s basketball (first win in 28 years).
Newcastle ends Chelsea’s unbeaten run.
Don’t care much for GaTech, but why the hell not?.
burnspbesq
Re GaTech: how does a team whose defensive line got pushed around by Duke plan to stop FSU?
Davebo
@Hawes:
I don’t think seeing Baylor and TCU in the playoff is likely for the sole reason that SEC fans would likely stage an armed insurrection.
Betty Cracker
@jharp: Well, no offense. I used to be pretty indifferent to OSU until the alums of my acquaintance (of which there are many here in FL) grew so abusive about my Gators, so now I despise them in self defense and laugh at their troubles.
Betty Cracker
@burnspbesq: They’ve got a pretty stout running attack, no? If they could match the ‘Noles score for score, they’d stand a chance, maybe. But yeah, I think they’ll lose. I hope I’m wrong!
max
Southern Meth vs UConn — good lord, they both suck. I think Southern Meth wins just because the poor bastards have lost every game this year, so they’re due.
Well, you know, their maids went to UT. It’s hard to find good help.
No, SMU (pronounced ‘sssmew’ like ‘eew, nasty’) is really really bad. They got whomped by North Texas (which I watched) and the Eagles are having an awful year. The best thing you can say for the Mustangs is that they only lost to TCU by a score of 56-0.
Unless UConn has an epic meltdown, Connecticut by two touchdowns.
max
[‘They’re even worse, relatively speaking, than the Raiders.’]
jharp
@Betty Cracker:
No offense taken. I actually am a Big Ten fan first. Ohio State next. Daughter goes to Purdue.
And can’t stand the SEC. C’mon. They are from the confederacy.
Villago Delenda Est
Well, ophthalmologists across the country are pleased that the Fighting Fashion Nightmares are in, because of all the business they generate for them.
“What the hell are they wearing? The goggles, they do nothing! My eyes!”
Big ole hound
Thanks Betty. I cannot stand the arrogance of “the” OSU or “the U” of Miami type thing. Wisconsin seems to get the student/athlete part of college sports too.
Betty Cracker
@jharp: Seccession [eta: fixt] was the Big Ten’s best chance to dominate college football!
khead
I hope every underdog wins. Just to screw with things.
And I doubt Marshall will show up. Letdown city after blowing it last week.
Edit – Forgot Wiscy is actually a favorite now, but I will be rooting for them.
leinie
Oh please, deity of your choice, make this happen. Not overly fond of Wisconsin, and Barry Alverez can enjoy a bag of salted dicks, but Ohio State is second only to rape-enabling FSU on my list of despised college FB teams. THE Ohio State is beyond annoying.
Go Broncos!
Villago Delenda Est
@Betty Cracker: Betty, I think you meant secession. For one thing, SEC is right in there!
burnspbesq
@Betty Cracker:
GaTech is hard to prepare for because they run that damn disco-era triple option offense. Duke had a bye week right before GaTech, and the extra week was really helpful. Duke’s three safeties (their base defense is a 4-2-5) were terrific in run support. We’ll see if FSU’s d-line is disciplined enough to just hold their gaps and leave the cleanup work to the LBs and safeties.
raven
@Dolly Llama: Yup
burnspbesq
One other thing: GaTech’s kicker is arguably the worst in the ACC. If they need a FG from 40-plus to win, it’s not happening.
Pogonip
@leinie: I lived in Columbus. Locally, it’s just “OSU”; even sportscasters didn’t call it “the OSU.”
There’s a popular restaurant about 25 miles from Columbus that won’t take reservations, probably because there’s a gift shop attached. We always looked forward to the OSU/Michigan game because it’s the only Saturday of the year you can walk right into that restaurant and be seated with no waiting.
raven
@burnspbesq: Yea, like the 53 yarder he hit against us.
Linnaeus
Cheering for Wiscy in this one, too.
Paul in KY
My picks (no point spread used, just who I think will win)
TCU
UConn
Marshall
Oklahoma
Cincinnati
Alabama
Kansas State
Temple
FSU
OSU
Bpise St
Betty Cracker
@Villago Delenda Est: Thanks — fixed!
Dolly Llama
@burnspbesq: It sure as fuck happened last week.
Tokyokie
@Big ole hound: The University of Utah has been calling itself “The U” for far longer than those Jersey Shore douches in South Florida have been, and with 2 U’s in their name, the Utes get dibs.
And Betty, I’m not sure that Baylor has a better coach than K-State does. And I sure as hell wouldn’t want to roll out a QB with concussion problems against a Bill Snyder-coached team; just ask Colt McCoy how that works out. K-State will late-hit Petty every play until he’s out of the game. Not saying Iike seeing that, but I’ve seen Snyder’s teams do it before.
burnspbesq
@raven:
@Dolly Llama:
Shit happens in rivalry games.
raven
These Texas Christian cheerleaders ain’t exactly modest.
Villago Delenda Est
@Tokyokie: In Seattle “The U” is a street and a district. Not UDub itself.
raven
@Villago Delenda Est: First place I scored an dropped acid. The day Bobby was shot.
JPL
Marshall will win easily.
6 LA Tech players declared academically ineligible for today’s game, 5 starters.
Linnaeus
@Villago Delenda Est:
Which street? I’ve never heard University Ave. called “the U”, only “the Ave”.
ETA: Unless you’re talking about University St. downtown.
NobodySpecial
I would love to see Boise State get upset, if only because it’ll virtually force the commission to put Northern Illinois back in a New Year’s game.
Archon
Were you being sarcastic when you said Baylor had a better coach than Kansas State?
burnspbesq
Andre Marriner is the worst person who ever lived.
Betty Cracker
@Archon: No. I realize most people won’t share my opinion, though.
raven
Got the chicken cut up and browning for chicken n’ dumplins later on.
JPL
@raven: My mother made the best chicken n’dumplins. She was not one to follow recipes and I have yet to recreate it. Enjoy!
raven
@JPL: I’ve used the basic one from Fannie for years.
max
Connecticut 20 SMU 6. (At the half.)
max
[‘Man, that didn’t take long.’]
Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN)
Me, I’m waiting to see how a hockey team follows up a 12-0 win.
For football, I can’t decide which team I want to win more: Wisconsin or Georgia Tech. Unlike most Gopher fans, I don’t dislike the Badgers; they’re probably my second favorite team in any sport they and Minnesota both play. While the team I root for changed in a hurry when I came up here, the Big 10 teams I hate remained those of someone who grew up in Ann Arbor: Ohio State and Michigan State.
Yatsuno
Not football but…
I’M AN UNCLE!!!
raven
@Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN): They have informed 4 Bg1 teams that they may not get a bowl even thought they qualified. You KNOW who will get fucked.
Omnes Omnibus
@Yatsuno: I am sorry, but there is a perfectly good nonsporting thread in which to post this and congratulations on unclehood.
Bob In Portland
Looks like my Ducks are on their way to battle for the national championship. I’d like to thank Phil Knight and Nike for their support.
Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN)
@raven: Actually, I don’t think it’s clear who is going to be left behind. Obviously, Illinois is one of the candidates and at 6-6 they’re one of the two logical choices. But bowls base their decisions on who to invite at least as much on how many fans will come to the game as they do on record. That’s why Minnesota historically get bumped down a slot or two on which bowl takes them; Gopher football fans don’t travel well. So Penn State will almost certainly get an invite, since they’ll show up.
So, if the Big 10 is short a bowl slot, it’ll be Illinois, Maryland, or Rutgers that stays home and I really have no idea how that will play out.
Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN)
@Bob In Portland: Okay, that explains a lot. Bob’s inability to see anything clearly stems from the retina damage caused by looking at those uniforms too much.
MomSense
Holy crap but that was a great save by Manchester’s goalie.
WereBear
@Yatsuno: Congratulations!
All of the fun, less of the responsibility.
Tokyokie
@burnspbesq:
Betty Cracker
@Yatsuno: That’s wonderful! Boy or girl?
Omnes Omnibus
@Betty Cracker: He said he is an uncle, so isn’t it obvious?
ET
My best friend and her father have had SEC championship tickets from the first championship (though if Bama didn’t play they sold them) so they are at the game rooting for Bama.
raven
@ET: My boss had trouble getting face for his.
Betty Cracker
@Omnes Omnibus: Haha. Reminds me of that scene in “Four Weddings and a Funeral” when an usher approaches an elderly man entering the cathedral for a wedding and says, “Bride or groom?” And the old man indignantly replies, “It should be perfectly obvious that I’m neither!”
raven
@JPL: LA Tech is ahead and driving.
Omnes Omnibus
@Betty Cracker: I loved that guy. When Hugh Grant’s character introduces himself to the old guy at the dinner, the old man says “Nonsense, Charles died years ago.”
Betty Cracker
@raven: These early games are all pretty good, aside from the TCU shellacking. SMU came back and is in the lead with just a couple of minutes to go. Cinci barely edged Houston. Marshall is still in it.
@Omnes Omnibus: That’s the guy! LOL!
Brendan in Charlotte
@jharp: I’m about a 15 minute walk from Ga Tech-FSU. And like you, my gumption meter is low. May the Ramblin wreck drive through Charlotte today!!!
PS – As long as Mike Gundy’s the coach at OK State, I’ll root against them. In spite of Thurman Thomas and Barry Sanders
raven
@Betty Cracker: Hmm, Marshall came back.
burnspbesq
Inquiring minds want to know: did GaTech tank against South Carolina Upstate in basketball in a gesture of appeasement toward the Karma Gods? Or do they really suck that badly?
Also too: Highlander (NJIT) smites Wolverine.
burnspbesq
And for all you meteorite-strike fans out there, strong buzz that the bowl powers that be are going to pit Duke against Penn State in the Pinstripe Bowl at Yankee Stadium. You could get a trifecta of hate!
J R in WV
@Yatsuno:
Congratulations!
Screw those anti-family sports fanatics who want you to post good news somewhere else!!!
Good news, everybody, Yatsuno is an uncle!!! Whoot!
Also, and more importantly, Marshall U won the Conference-USA championship!~!!
Whooo Hoooo!!! Where I live, people call Marshall the University of Southern West Virginia!
Again, Yatsuno, congratulations, and yes, I do know which bit of news is really more important, a new offspring for you to dandle on your knee!!
Mj_Oregon
@Bob In Portland:
Thank FSM they didn’t wear those hideous yellow unis last night! GO DUCKS!! (fuck Nike)
As for the rest? Who cares? The Quackers are in it to win it – and they just might do it this time. Furthermore, the Heisman will go to a decent human being this year.
max
@Betty Cracker: SMU came back and is in the lead with just a couple of minutes to go.
Holy shit! Well called Betty!
max
[‘I guess firing your old coach and getting a new one is good for a win. Wild.’]
Mnemosyne
@Yatsuno:
Yaaay! Once again, I congratulate your sister (sister-in-law?) on her impeccable timing. Far enough away from the holiday that your nephew will still get separate birthday and Christmas gifts, but close enough that the whole family is going to be able to shower him with “My First Christmas” gifts in a couple of weeks.
Betty Cracker
Gott-damn, that was a pretty pass!
JPL
@efgoldman: Yup.. I’m not a Mizzou fan but hoping for an upset but because of his stupidity that makes it more doubtful.
JPL
@Betty Cracker: It might be time for another football thread …just sayin
Betty Cracker
@efgoldman: Agreed. What a dumbass!
raven
Well, we’ll see.
Betty Cracker
@JPL: Done!
Tree With Water
“Thoughts on the new Gators coach, Jim McElwain? I think he’s a solid hire”.
How many millions is he being paid a year? And what do football games have to do with education?
Disclaimer: I am not a college sports fan, but do enjoy the major bowl games very much. Still, the NCAA is one of those institutions (say, like the CIA) that I would like to see shattered into million pieces and rebuilt.
Ben
@Davebo: Big game Bob? That moniker hasn’t applied since BlowU won a national title in 2000. Stoops has fallen on his ass a bunch in the last decade. Hell, my ‘Horns handed them the game this year and we are mediocre. And, I can’t stress this enough… fuck Baptist aggy (Baylor). Baylor cheats its ass off and if anyone thinks that Briles is a better coach than Snyder at KState, you are spending too much time in opium dens. Teams like SMU, Baylor, aggy and OU were the downfall of the SWC due to their massive, on-going efforts to cheat on a massive scale. Fuck all of those cheating bastards. The Longhorns need to move to the Big 10 where there are other academic institutions of their stature (or near their stature). What Snyder has done at KState is nothing short of the best coaching job in the history of college football. I don’t care for how they manage to skirt the rules and get a LOT of JuCo’s into school, but at least they don’t cheat and deal with “street agents” like the other aforementioined Big 12 schools.
Berial
@Tree With Water: “According to reports, the former Rams coach will receive an average of $3.5 million per season on the 6-year contract. He will be formally introduced at a press conference Saturday.”
From Heavy.