(Arlo & Janis via GoComics.com)
‘Tis the season, when in the spirit of love & connection we prepare to share time with friends and family and experience the true meaning of the holidays. Which may turn out to be “Someday, I’ll be able to share this as a funny story.”
My personal go-to is the Xmas eve when, during the Chinese-restaurant dinner that had become a tradition with my dad after the divorce, Number One Son made a feint on Number Two Son’s portion of sea bass and got forked in the back of the hand. The wound puffed up so alarmingly that it was decided Number One needed a tetanus shot. Bad enough to spend Xmas eve at the emergency room, but my old man was so pissed at all of us that he almost got himself committed to the psych ward because when asked for “cause of injury” he kept yelling “TINY TWIN VAMPIRES!” Remember, folks, an ER orderly will have no sense of humor on Xmas eve…
(h/t commentor Tommy)
Howard Beale IV
For all you ex-pat Detroiters: Bill Bonds passed away, age 81, from a heart attack. He appeared in a ‘Planet of the Apes’ movie, natch.
Catherine D.
Tiny Twin Vampires is a great band name.
Ruckus
Have been the recipient of the dinner table fork. Mine came about by the sister telling me to get my elbows off the table. My reply to her was to tell her to go fuck herself at which she took offense and bingo, fork stuck in arm. Fortunately for her the parents had left the table and I don’t believe they ever knew. I did have to fix her bedroom door when I put my fist almost through it as she got it closed just in the nick of time. We actually became very good friends later in life. But not that day.
kdaug
First combo Christmas/birthday party of the season tonight. More alarmingly, it’s the second 50th birthday party in my circle of friends this year.
I ain’t there yet. But I’m definitely on the Men’s Downhill Team, closing fast.
Josie
@Ruckus: Ah, yes, memories. When I sold the house in which I raised my three boys, some repairs were necessary – The hole in one bedroom door that had been covered over with a rock musician poster, the door hinge on another bedroom door, which had been completely taken off the hinges and a large hole in the den wall,which had been covered by a large bookcase. Three big boys in one house can do a lot of damage. As you say, they are all quite close now, or at least they pretend to be for my sake.
JGabriel
@kdaug:
Tell me about it. I’ll be there in five months. I’m reminded of that quote from Al Swearengen on Deadwood: How did we get so fucking old?
Ruckus
@Josie:
There was only pretending in my family for 6-7 yrs, from when mom was 88 till she passed. And that was only around mom. But that sister and I really did become very good friends and it was that fork that started it. Good sounding boards and all that. But then she passed from breast cancer. It’s a bitch to lose a sister and a best friend in one swipe.
raven
@JGabriel: Sheeeet.
Ruckus
@JGabriel:
50 is old? Damn and it seems so long ago. Wait, it was long ago. Last century in fact.
geg6
Heh. My mom would fork you in the hand if you said “ain’t” or “yinz” at the dinner table. Or a double negative. She was a newspaper reporter so that explains the grammar and dialect fetish.
Tiny twin vampires is awesome.
Anyway, flame me if you like but nobody consistently puts out easy, super flavorful recipes like Ina Garten. Made her lemon chicken breasts tonight and they were crazy easy and absolutely delicious. That’s probably about the 25th recipe of hers I’ve used they have all been fantastic.
burnspbesq
I’m confused.
When I went home to NJ after fall semester of freshman year at Washington and Lee, I sounded like I’d been born and raised in the Confederacy.
The kid is home today from his first semester in London, and sounds nothing at all like a Brit.
Ruckus
@burnspbesq:
Redneck is a lot closer to what we speak on this side of the pond than that foreign english stuff.
JGabriel
@Ruckus:
Maybe not, but it kinda feels that way when the 15 years ago that was 35 still seems like yesterday.
MomSense
@Josie:
When I sold my old farmhouse where my boys spent their early childhoods, I too had to repair several holes in the wall. My oldest went through this bizarre anger phase at 15 where he would kick really hard when he got mad. I had to fix a door (find a 200 year old salvage door) and several holes just above the baseboard. Horse hair plaster is the worst!
Gene108
Nobody under the age of 80 is officially old, as all the 80-and-under crowd have folks 10-20 years older than them to let them know (a) you are not old yet and (b) you think {Blank} is hard now, wait till you get to be my age.
Once you hit 80 there are not enough people 10-20 years older than you to point out (a) and (b).
raven
@JGabriel: You’re killin me, I can tell you what I was doin 50 years ago.
raven
Here’s a little tree decorating.
Tommy
Did I post that video you posted?
Mike E
@geg6: Ina’s “slam roasted” chicken is so simple and good…really, how do you mess up salt, lemon, whole chicken on top of a bed of cut up potatoes?
Mike E
@JGabriel: Heh, just had a convo with an 85 year old guy who said, “after 50 it’s hard to count the birthdays ’cause it goes by quick.”
OK, I just cried a little.
raven
@Mike E: Fuckin A
Poopyman
@raven: I could too, sorta. I was 10 years old, getting ready for Christmas. And … holy crap! It’s the 50th anniversary of the Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer special! Burl frickin’ Ives!
Poopyman
@Mike E: Unbelievably quick, goddamit.
shelley
Small consolations?
‘My Fair Lady’ on TCM right now.
Tommy
@burnspbesq: LOL. I recall coming back from Baton Rouge. My parents were like you seem to speak funny. I was like I spent two years in southern Louisiana. But I was always happy they felt I had a strong accent being from the midwest.
MomSense
@shelley:
Thank you!!
Mike J
@burnspbesq:
When I lived in London I worked on the continent a lot. I never got an accent, but I spoke simplified English for months.
Tenar Darell
@burnspbesq:
If he keeps using windscreen, roundabout, motorway, and chips instead of windshield, rotary, freeway, and fries then he’s picking it up despite the lack of an accent shift.
Tenar Darell
Miracle on 34th Street is finishing up i
on AMC right now.
Anne Laurie
@Tommy: You must’ve linked to it, but don’t ask me in which thread. I’ve been saving it, for the season.
Omnes Omnibus
@efgoldman: I managed to turn 50 this summer without any angst. Of course one gets older; after all, what is the alternative?
Randy P
@shelley: I grew up listening to the London cast album and inherited from my dad a grumpiness that the movie cast the insipid Audrey Hepburn instead of the fiery Julie Andrews.
But with the miracle of YouTube, I’ve been able to see a little of Julie Andrews. Her version of “Show Me” is out there and it’s wonderful.
WereBear
@geg6: Lemon chicken looked up, clipped into Notebook, will make soon. Thanks!
We are having a rather un-festive holiday season; our annual Solstice party got moved up and then cancelled when this year’s hostess lost her dog in an ugly way… a few of the regulars had to rush off and won’t be available anyway… still missing the beloved old cat I had to put to sleep several weeks ago… and we both wore ourselves out (chronic illnesses) dragging a batch of stuff to either the dump or storage for the past month, and today we did it while dealing with the storm that dropped 22 inches of snow and makes me gun the Focus while getting up the 45 degree angle driveway.
On the other hand: Mr WereBear and I are both getting a bit better. The stuff has been hauled off and the space has been cleared for him to paint again! We have a mostly new kitten (nine months now.) And I have time off around Christmas. Which I need very much.
So the forecast is guardedly optimistic.
Violet
@burnspbesq: London is so cosmopolitan these days. There are accents from all over. Had he gone to a school in a small town in northern England you might be noticing a difference.
mai naem mobile
I don’t know about small consolations but i filled gas for 2.29 and not even at one of those cash only gas stations. The local Costcos at 2.21.
Violet
@WereBear: Yeah, I’m kind of bah humbug on Christmas this year too. Somehow escaped hosting this year, thank goodness.
I picked up the flu on a quick pre-Christmas Santa run to the UK and have been in bed with a fever this week. Finally broke late in the week, but I’ve got no energy. I can be up for a bit but have to go sit on the sofa or lie down for half an hour or more to get my energy back up. I’m missing a holiday party tonight that I really wanted to go to but I’m sure no one wants me there coughing all over them.
No decorations up at all. No tree. Nothing. I love Christmas trees and get one every year but don’t know what I’ll do this year. Sigh.
Jim, Foolish Literalist
@Tenar Darell: I think I would say roundabout, but there aren’t many of them where I live, so it’s not a term I use much, if ever.
I was listening to Marc Maron’s interview with Chrissie Hynde last week, and even though she’s clearly an American, she uses British idiom and has some very quirky pronunciations that come from living in England for most of the last 40 years. The one I can’t quite figure out is she seems to say “museek”, which doesn’t make sense for Ohio or London.
Violet
@mai naem mobile: Time to start watching for the Texas economy to slow down. Not sure Rick Perry is going to like that.
Major Major Major Major
Just got back from shoe shopping with other mr major^4 and our designy friend who actually knows what he’s doing. Ended up with some sort of suede western loafer high-top walking shoes or something, I don’t know, but they’re very “I might be gay but I still know how to ride a horse”
Roger Moore
@Mike E:
Leave the bag with the giblets and neck in the body cavity.
JPL
@Violet: Oh, no.. My neighbors had the flu invade their house and it takes awhile before the energy level comes back. I hope it’s not the same for you. I decorated the tree today and tomorrow I’ll put out a few candles.
Trentrunner
@Randy P:
Audrey Hepburn, who was lovely, enchanting, wistful, photogenic, graceful, accessible, won an Oscar in her first starring role at the age of 24 and was UNICEF’s goodwill ambassador, was many, many, many things.
“Insipid” was, is, and never will be one of them.
DIAF.
Violet
@JPL: This knocked me out. I was fine and then I wasn’t. Almost within minutes. Simply unable to function. Had to go to bed and stay in bed. Really fun when you’re on a quick trip to the UK. Flew back while sick. That was fun. I would not have flown if I’d had a fever but I didn’t at that time. Maybe it was too early? In fact, in the beginning I wasn’t sure it was even a virus–it seemed like some kind of allergic reaction, given how suddenly it came on.
But by the time I got home, I knew it was a virus. And the following day my fever spiked. Nothing like coming home to an empty house, empty fridge and being sick with the flu. This week has sucked.
Mike E
@Poopyman: We threw a surprise 50th birthday party for sister #1, and I successfully distracted her by sticking my not quite 1 year old daughter into her arms…worked great.
Little one’s 19 now.
JPL
@Violet: I’m so sorry. I hate to tell you but it lingers for a few weeks. Just take care and stay hydrated.
JPL
When I turned 35, I thought I was 36. The next year I corrected it but the sons are now convinced that I lie about my age. As much as I try to convince them, that you don’t lie about being older, it’s a mistake, they still question
me. BTW although, it’s decades later, I never had a 35th birthday.
Gin & Tonic
@Trentrunner: Thanks for posting that.
Tenar Darell
@efgoldman: Oy, such a Grinch. But only the best one, the Seuss approved cartoon.
(I was keeping my Dad company. Now we are watching TCM, and Hepburn could have danced all night).
WereBear
@Violet: You are worn out! No wonder.
Vitamin B & C! And rest up.
Mike E
@Roger Moore: Did that with a turkey once, but that junk was in the neck cavity, bird was so big…how many damn compartments is it supposed to have?!
NotMax
@Gene108
True story.
One grandmother was taking a walk through the tree-shaded streets of the neighborhood (no sidewalks) with Mom. They came upon an elderly woman, slumped in a wheelchair, being taken an an outing by a nurse.
Stopped to chat a little, and my mother innocently asked the woman in the wheelchair how old she was.
“Coming up fast on 91. And how old is your mother there?”
Knowing my grandmother didn’t care to talk about age and had never had any patience for idle chit-chat, Mom answered. “She was 100 last birthday.”
The woman in the wheelchair nodded a moment, stared at granny and then intoned, “So that’s what it will be like.”
(Grandmother lasted until 108, but we all knew that was a guesstimate on the low end as birth documentation was essentially non-existent. 110 to 112 would have been more likely based upon things she remembered.)
@efgoldman
No matter who plays the part, Col. Pickering is one of the most nothing roles ever. He’s more or less set dressing and a sounding board for Higgins; anything displaying more dimension or depth and he risks upstaging either Higgins or Pearce.
JoyfulA
Wonderful music! I grew up on bagpipe music—the Bonnie Scots Drum & Bugle Corp practiced by marching up and down the street where I lived.
a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)
@efgoldman: I couldn’t freak when my dad turned fifty because i was 5! I guess I could have, but I certainly didn’t know I was supposed to.
I was a quite upset when my aunt turned thirty and told her so – “because I don’t have a young aunt any more.” Kids are so naive. How young thirty seems now.
Mike E
@Violet: I’ll FedEx you some of my grandma’s chicken stew! ;-)
NotMax
@a href=”https://balloon-juice.com/2014/12/13/open-thread-small-consolations/#comment-5198580″>RandyP
(How to put this delicately?)
Mona Washbourne had a balcony one could do Shakespeare from.
Although she had a long and successful career, think liked her acting best in the very late in life part of the nanny in Brideshead Revisited.
NotMax
Fixed linky.
@RandyP
(How to put this delicately?)
Mona Washbourne had a balcony one could do Shakespeare from.
Although she had a long and successful career, think liked her acting best in the very late in life part of the nanny in Brideshead Revisited.
I'mNotSureWhoIWantToBeYet
@mai naem mobile: I paid $3.69 a gallon for diesel a few days ago (down from $3.99). Enjoy! ;-)
Cheers,
Scott.
I'mNotSureWhoIWantToBeYet
@WereBear: Here’s hoping things are better soon. Hang in there. Enjoy the kitty!
Cheers,
Scott.
I'mNotSureWhoIWantToBeYet
@Violet: Hang in there.
As a kid I always used to get sick around Christmas. It was often a depressing, gloomy time of the year. “I can’t even enjoy the time off from school!” But it helped give me an early appreciation of the disappointment that too often comes. ;-)
Get well soon.
Cheers,
Scott.
Randy P
@Trentrunner: None of those is a quality you want in Liza Doolittle. I’ll stand by “insipid”. Right up to the moment when, for FSM’s sake, she fetches Henry Higgins his slippers. Fetches his slippers!
I will admit to never having understood the Audrey Hepburn fandom however. She just never did it for me, except in “Wait Until Dark”.
Omnes Omnibus
@Randy P:
::Shakes head sadly::
JPL
@Randy P: What about Breakfast at Tiffany’s…..
Baud
@JPL:
I think I remember the film.
I'mNotSureWhoIWantToBeYet
@Randy P: Not even Breakfast at Tiffany’s??
An on-line friend met her briefly when he was a teenager, backstage somewhere. He described it as a life-changing experience…
Cheers,
Scott.
lamh36
Aww yeah MY FAVORITE MOVIE EVER!!!! Is on @Bravotv right now!! @JenniferGrey #RIPPatrickSwayze…#DirtyDancing!
Is it bad that I actually like to think about what happened to Baby and Johnny after the last scene? Is it sad that I’ve literally come up with a completely new story of their lives afterwards? Is that weird to STILL be doing it and I’m almost 40? No..good..ok. ..lol
Omnes Omnibus
@Baud: As I recall I think we both kind of liked it.
@lamh36: My mother watches that movie every time it is on TV – this is on top of the fact that I gave her the DVD years and years ago.
Violet
@WereBear: Yeah, it has been a long, tough year. I’ve been taking care of everyone else this year and I think my body just finally told me, “enough!” When it stopped, it really stopped. I was just non-functional. Spent an entire day in bed before the trip home and a couple more in bed once home. I’m up on the sofa now and can do a few things for awhile, but the suitcase is still open on the floor. No energy to unpack. I’m just stepping over everything. It’s an effort to put food on a plate and microwave it. The suitcase can wait.
Interestingly, the thing that really seemed to help the most with the mucous is resistant starch. I did manage to throw some potatoes in a pot, boil them and then put them in the fridge. I’ve been eating those up and after every meal I have them, the mucous seems to diminish. I’m having plenty of Vitamin C and B complex, so I think I’m okay there. An epsom salt bath helped too, so maybe I’m low on magnesium.
raven
We just watched another episode of Peaky Blinders, pretty good stuff.
Steve in the ATL
@Ruckus: We spoke southern at Washington and Lee, not redneck!
Except for the South Carolina guys.
Violet
@Mike E: That sounds delicious! I wish you could!
@I’mNotSureWhoIWantToBeYet: It’s just a pain as an adult because there are so many obligations and commitments. Somehow we lucked out and aren’t hosting this year so it’s easier, but I think the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas is compressed this year so there just isn’t as much time to get things done.
Yatsuno
Crominbus just passed. IRS & EPA now get fucked in their budgets right before filing season.
a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)
@Omnes Omnibus: Well that’s the one thing we’ve got.
JoyfulA
@efgoldman: And I grew old! It’s hard to find bagpipe music these days, but it was sort of my folk music. I think I still know all (most of? some of?) the words to those long-ago Scots tunes.
Oh where and oh where has my highland laddie gone—
And not a drop of Scottish blood.
Omnes Omnibus
@JoyfulA:
Do you wear your trousers rolled?
Omnes Omnibus
@efgoldman: Gordon was done after UW’s debacle last weekend.
Mike in NC
A large group of us took a neighbor out to dinner tonight for his 80th birthday. At one point I said, “80 is the new 60”, and most of the people around the table chimed in, “Well that means we’re in our 40s”.
I'mNotSureWhoIWantToBeYet
@Yatsuno: Here’s hoping it’s not as bad as it could be.
On the bright side, Cruz shot himself in both feet and helped Obama in the process:
Heh.
Cheers,
Scott.
raven
@efgoldman: Crushed by FSU? The Duck will kill them.
Jim, Foolish Literalist
There’s a question for the ages: How does the towering intellect of Susan Collins determine which judicial nominees, and presumably Vivek Murthy, are “well qualified” or not.
Omnes Omnibus
@Jim, Foolish Literalist:
Who nominated the person may factor in a bit. Maybe.
Denali
@Raven,
Tell me a fish story about the fish on the wall.
JoyfulA
@Omnes Omnibus: I may start rolling my pantlegs soon. Everything off the rack is too long.
Yatsuno
@efgoldman: I personally should be fine. Unfortunately now that I deal with the public directly I will be personally responsible for any and all delays and errors (which will increase) that taxpayers experience. And oh yeah right before the tax provisions for ACA really kick in. The Republicans are gonna get shit because they’ll want the IRS budget cut even more for 2016. The good news is I shouldn’t have a reduction in force. And if worst comes to worst, the state of Washington has a very generous unemployment benefit.
EDIT: The good news is this shouldn’t effect my potential move to Olympia. Which was moving forward from the last e-mail I got.
Omnes Omnibus
@JoyfulA: Will you then dare to eat a peach?
Schlemazel
just to reinforce omnies opinion of me, I always find the summer solstice depressing because it means the days are getting shorter and winter is coming. That really eats at me.
The other side of the coin is that xmas is a great thing because the days are only going to get longer and summer is coming. I hate this time of year, at 45 degrees is is dark on my way to work & dark by the time I get home. We need more bonfires.
Omnes Omnibus
@Schlemazel: Oddly, I find it depressing as well, mainly because the heat and humidity are arriving. Winter solstice is cheery for me, because it means that ski season is imminent. And I agree about bonfires.
Anne Laurie
@Schlemazel:
I wish we could start with Ted Cruz.
New post up top, re: Cromnibus, aka ‘Satan Sandwich’.
JoyfulA
@Omnes Omnibus: Yes! And also disturb the universe.
Omnes Omnibus
@JoyfulA: Alright then.
Violet
@Schlemazel:
I was just in the UK. The sun set at something like 3:30 in the afternoon. It’s really strange when you just fly into it from a much further south locale. Throws off your sense of what time it is. In addition to the jet lag, of course.
Another Holocene Human
@Violet: It’s the sort of thing to drive one to drink.
That, at the pub is very warm.
Another Holocene Human
@I’mNotSureWhoIWantToBeYet: Thank you for the linky. That story warmed the cockles of my heart.
I love when assholes commit own-goals.
Jebediah, RBG
@Jim, Foolish Literalist:
I say roundabout all the time.
“When you’ll be home?”
“Roundabout four or five…”