Ayn Rand Reviews Children’s Movies:
“Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs”
An industrious young woman neglects to charge for her housekeeping services and is rightly exploited for her naïveté. She dies without ever having sought her own happiness as the highest moral aim. I did not finish watching this movie, finding it impossible to sympathize with the main character. —No stars.
“Bambi”
The biggest and the strongest are the fittest to rule. This is the way things have always been. —Four stars.
Shana
That was freaking hilarious. Thanks Hal.
jl
Thanks. Very funny.
I smell a Balloon Juice drinking game in the offing.
It’s a Wonderful Life
Incompetent banker fails and does not kill himself as he should, then persecutes a successful entrepreneur’s vision and thwarts small town’s promise as a prosperous commercial center, then swindles productive citizens into giving him their money to finance his failures. A dangerous film that should be banned.
Just Some Fuckhead
Meh.
jl
Is this nonsense going to be an Obama scandal or a gaffe? It seems to have come to The Village’s attention.
Obama Calls On Only Women Reporters At Year-End Presser
talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/obama-calls-on-only-women-reporters
Baud
@jl:
I wish I had watched it live just to see if I would have noticed.
Dolly Llama
If you like Rand satire, here’s a good one.
srv
@Just Some Fuckhead: It’s “Bah! Humbug” time, buddy, or are you one of those War-On-Christmas Fuckheads?
WereBear
It’s a household joke that Ayn Rand would have hated any of the versions of the Christmas Carol that Mr WereBear collects.
JPL
@Baud: I was listening and didn’t notice.
jl
A Christmas Carol
A tragic tale of a successful business man’s descent dementia, which leads to his moral and financial ruin.
Suffern ACE
@jl: lol. Please, complain away. I dare you.
Suffern ACE
@Suffern ACE: I got dibs on o’reilly being the first to complain that he’s avoiding real reporters.
srv
A story about how liberal dogooderism is ruining all your liberal movies.
Just Some Fuckhead
@srv: It just wasn’t that funny. I was probably expecting more, like when I was a kid and wanted a chemistry set for Christmas and there was a large box under the tree for a month and I was convinced it was the baddest chemistry set in the world and it ended up being a fucking organ.
jl
@Suffern ACE: Like Baud, I wish I would have listened to it to find out whether I would have noticed. But our worthless corporate media experiment news hacks, who peruse Obama’s microscopic facial muscle movements and eyebrow twitches, and the subtlest vocal and gestural subtexts, to determine whether their pomposity is properly respected sure did notice. Somebody bothered to make and tweet out a photo montage of all the lil’ wimmins who were called on. Fer Cripes Sake.
Just Some Fuckhead
@srv: I am, however, a colonel in the War on Christmas. Today at work, someone asked me about my holiday plans and I told her I was one of the people trying to destroy America’s pre-eminent holiday. She expressed amusement and surprise and said she’d always wanted to meet one of the people trying to destroy Christmas.
I wished her Annual Affirmations.
jl
Miracle on 42nd Street.
A group of conniving economic parasites commit fraud on major corporations and the state legal system, without facing any consequences, but, indeed are rewarded. A vile movie.
Nicole
@Just Some Fuckhead: I confess, that comment made me laugh harder than the Ayn Rand piece. Though the writer did get that she was a crazy cat lady.
Mike J
@Suffern ACE: Somebody in the previous thread heard it already from somebody I didn’t know. Google says he’s a foxoid.
Just Some Fuckhead
@Nicole: I took my Christmas card money and went and bought an awesome chemistry set the very next day. I never played that stupid organ.
Poopyman
@Just Some Fuckhead:
I’ll bet you appreciated it after puberty hit.
WereBear
@jl:
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
In which a special, gifted, reindeer wishes to pioneer innovative transportation strategies and is constantly undermined by his jealous peers.
Just Some Fuckhead
@Poopyman: I never went through puberty.
JGabriel
Ayn “Mallory Ortberg” Rand:
I have to confess, I’ve always thought this too.
Tommy
@Just Some Fuckhead: LOL. I don’t have kids myself. Got a lot of stuff for niece.
Hoping I can do with most books as I did last year on her birthday.
Got her (on purpose of course) a book on elephants, a DVD on elephants, and a wonderful stuff elephant.
She had asked me my favorite animal and told her. Her parents had to ask her to open other gifts …. mine were not the only ones.
Score …..
Now I am working with other things, hope the same outcome!
JGabriel
@Just Some Fuckhead:
Which organ? Kidney? Liver? BRAINS?
Edited to Add: Or are we to take fucking organ literally?
Mike in NC
@Nicole: Ayn Rand was a cat lover? Then she wasn’t 100% evil?
How does Dick Cheney feel about puppies?
jl
@WereBear:
Elf
Misguided gullible people and a confused woman come to the aid of a worthless incompetent elf working in league with an evil spirit.
JGabriel
@Mike in NC:
That they are delicious source for the blood he needs to drink on a daily basis.
WereBear
@jl:
Scrooged
A gloriously focused, profit driven superstar tragically does not realize his father had been trying to raise him properly.
jl
A Christmas Story
Disobedient and parasitic family dogs left unpunished after stealing a family’s Christmas meal, which is a delusional and immoral holiday, but the meal still had value. Morally unfit for children.
JGabriel
Ayn Rand’s Review of The Greatest Story Ever Told
Lazy carpenter stops working, talks twelve fishermen into joining his crusade advocating indigence. attacks a group of men engaging in the time-honored noble practice of increasing their wealth, and for these crimes is – quite properly – crucified by Romans.
Four Stars!
jl
How the Grinch Stole Christmas
A righteous hero who has the power to redeem a town of deluded sentimental fools is destroyed by his own weaknesses.
WereBear
It’s a Wonderful Life
In which a man commits suicide upon discovering he wasted his life upon ungrateful rabble…
hey!
Tree With Water
The condensed plot to White Christmas: Army General Dean Jagger is relieved in the middle of the Ardennes battle in WW2. God knows how badly (it’s never explained), but he fouled up egregiously enough to warrant immediate relief. When his relief finally does show up, with a wink -and-nod Jagger instructs the replacement’s driver to “take the long way ’round” to his new command– in a battle where minutes count and mens lives are on the line! God knows how many men under his command were needlessly slaughtered due to his incompetence. Yet ex-soldiers Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye go to extraordinary lengths to arrange a nationally televised reunion lauding him, and, incredibly, the men he led into slaughter rally to him! It doesn’t make any sense. However, the movie also includes the great Rosemary Clooney in performance (her singing, not her acting), and it doesn’t get better than that.
jl
@WereBear:
Sounds like that is the reformed version.
Unrelated, TPM has an interesting story on history of US Cuba ties.
Conservatives Just Forgot Nearly 150 Years Of History With Cuba
Ben Railton, TPM
(Some stuff I didn’t want to know….)
‘ In the late 1840s, Cuban slaveowner Narciso López led …revolts …to gain independence from Spain, preserve slavery on the island, and ally with the United States-specifically, with the slave South. López’s efforts failed … Franklin Pierce’s pro-slavery Minister to Spain, Pierre Soulé, pursued a similar plan on behalf of the United States… drafted the secret Ostend Manifesto (1854), which argued for a U.S. purchase or annexation of the island and, when made public, led to a diplomatic crisis that almost erupted in war. ‘
(I didn’t know Batista started out as an actual Cuban patriot)
” Batista was … a revolutionary dedicated to social reform… But by the 1950s, he had evolved into a strident anti-Communist with deep ties to U.S. corporate interests on the island. ”
talkingpointsmemo.com/cafe/cuba-conservatives-forget-150-years-of-history-united-states
Citizen_X
@Mike in NC:
I’m sure she loved cats. I just don’t know how she liked them prepared.
lamh36
speaking of Ayn Rand…
I’m loving this Rand Paul/Rubio tickle fight going on.
Paul’s full statement from his FB page:
So Rubio figured he’d use his Cuban American heritage to get ahead of the “gop” outrage. Guessing he expected to not be questioned so furiously huh.
The question is, who will Ted Cruz chime in on behalf of?
lamh36
So apparently the male WHPC guys may have been stone-faced on screen, but off screen, they all complained to the WH.
Ugh, man up boys, man up.
Bobby Thomson
@jl: My favorite comment on that was #yesallwomen.
p.a.
How is this a thing? Lawyers’ comments please?
JPL
@p.a.: That is the witness that fox news kept repeating over and over. He was running at Wilson like a football player..
Bobby Thomson
@JGabriel: ftw
heckblazer
Those who have not already seen it should check-out John Scalzi’s list of “The 10 Least Successful Holiday Specials of All Time“
jl
@Bobby Thomson:
Where is the #yesallwomen comment?
I did learn some interesting things in the TPM comments and twitter responses, though.
A very sinister detail: not only were they all women, but they were all print journalists. Obama is diabolically clever, ain’t he?
And, Tweety devoted the entire first segment of his show to this amazing thing. I would like to say I am surprised, but…
Tweety may be able to forget that Obama is black for a few moments during his best speeches, but he will never forget that HRC is a woman, not for a second. And Tweety will fear for the fate of his balls.
You know, O’Reilly, Mornin’ Joe, Lushbaugh, Tweety… do you have to have a fricken personality disorder to be a damn influential corporate male mediaTV pundit in this country, or what? What will our children think? Or somebody who, as far as I can tell, has turned into a pompous airhead, Pelley or whatever his name is.
jimmi the grey
@lamh36:
My guess is Ted Cruz
PurpleGirl
@heckblazer: Scalzi at his best. Thanks for the link.
Chasseur
It’s always “A Selfish Christmas”
Villago Delenda Est
@Tree With Water: Actually, it doesn’t seem that he’s removed for cause, it’s just time for him to move on to another assignment and give the incoming guy a chance to be a Division commander.
These things happen, even in war time.
If he was being removed for cause, it’s very unlikely that his successor would have the opportunity to have such a conversation with him.
These things happen like lightning.
Villago Delenda Est
@JPL: The basis for all the screaming assertions by fascist pig lovers everywhere that Wilson was being attacked by Michael Brown, and therefore he was fully justified in unloading his weapon into him.
Villago Delenda Est
@lamh36: Like the sniveling wusses are even capable of manning up.
Worthless offal, the lot of them.
beth
@Villago Delenda Est: My favorite twitter response has been #briefingsfullofwomen. Take that, Mitt Romney!
jl
@lamh36:
” So apparently the male WHPC guys may have been stone-faced on screen, but off screen, they all complained to the WH. ”
We all know how those men go gossiping and backstabbing when you aren’t looking or listening.
jl
A Charlie Brown Christmas.
Degrading unjust and immoral tale of how loser kids, and inadequate loser trees, do not lose.
beth
@heckblazer: Great article but it mentioned and reminded me of one of the worst acts of all time – the husband and wife mime team of Shields and Yarnell. Can’t believe they were so popular.
lamh36
@p.a.: I’d love to hear from BJ lawyers as well. Cause this shit seems criminal or ethically deficient.
jl
@lamh36: GOP glibertarians like Jeff Flake have been for normalization of relations, maybe longer than HRC has. So, surprising that schlubs like Rubio and Boehner could not see a GOP split on it..
Has McConnell said anything on it yet?
Renie
@JGabriel: I’m a lurker but had to post to say you win the internet today with that comment!!!
The Sailor
{checks to make sure it’s an open thread}
Well fuck me, I fell in love again.
Her two kids insist she’s only had sex twice, her parents are ailing, and none of them know about me. Which makes sense, we live 600 miles apart. And we’re spending an incredible amount of money to get together once a month.
Abstinence makes the hard grow fonder.
Omnes Omnibus
@Villago Delenda Est: I agree with that assessment. If he had been relieved, he would have been bundled out quickly. It seems more like he was moving up to a “better” position but wanted to spend a little more time commanding his division.
ed_finnerty
@WereBear:
alternatively,
An obviously defective member of society is rightly ostracized by his peers until circumstances make his unique defect economically valuable at which point he is rightfully elevated to high status
AKA high school
Omnes Omnibus
@efgoldman: The Brits could only manage to find a squad.
Tree With Water
@efgoldman: Maybe that explains it. No one in the outfit held Jagger’s incompetence against him because it was just a USO troupe, and he was their “1,2,3 kick” leader, come hell or high water.
Omnes Omnibus
@Tree With Water: Where do you get the impression that Jagger was relieved of command for incompetence or ineffectiveness?
ETA: The fact that the troops who served under him came to his aid later rather argues against that idea. He could have been promoted or moved to a position that he was uniquely qualified for.
John Weiss
@Dolly Llama: Rand! Meh!
The Empress of Dickedness. Which is quite a trick for an (alleged) woman.
Of course IMOH.
Omnes Omnibus
@efgoldman: As VDE and I mentioned above, a commander who was relieved for incompetence doesn’t get to hang around and delay his replacement. Since the guy is portrayed as decent and competent in the view of his subordinates, it makes nore sense to me that he was moved on – against his will – but not for being bad at his job. Interestingly, from what I have read, battalion and divisional commands seem to provide the most satisfaction and connection to the particular unit for commanders.
jl
@Omnes Omnibus:
wikipedia synopsis mentions nothing suspect about how “The Old Man” was relieved from duty.
‘ word has come down that their beloved commanding officer, Major General Thomas F. Waverly (Dean Jagger), is being relieved of command. He arrives for the end of the show and delivers an emotional farewell. The men give him a rousing send-off (“The Old Man”). ”
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_Christmas_(film)
Anyway, Rand version: stupid ex-soldiers and two pairs of romantic fools make immoral sacrifices to save a feckless and undistinguished has-been general who cannot survive in the real capitalist world, and producing waste of resources on inefficient rustic inn which should be destroyed for more profitable enterprise. Clearly a communist anti-humanity film, encouraging misery.
Tree With Water
“WASHINGTON — A panel investigating the Central Intelligence Agency’s search of a computer network used by staff members of the Senate Intelligence Committee who were looking into the C.I.A.’s use of torture will recommend against punishing anyone involved in the episode, according to current and former government officials”.
That’s the lead of a story in tonight’s NY Time. I didn’t have to read any further. I say fuck the panel and the horses they rode in on, and fuck their recommendations.
Omnes Omnibus
@jl: In the military, relieved from command effectively means fired for fucking up. OTOH, I don’t recall the term being used in the movie. All that is said is that the new guy is going to be the commander. Replaced rather than relieved is all that is indicated in the film.
Omnes Omnibus
@Tree With Water: Yeah, making knee-jerk decisions based on the first sentence of a NYT article always works out well.
jl
@Omnes Omnibus: probably the wikipedia author is just as much a layperson on ‘relieved’ versus ‘replaced’ as i am. I wonder which word the script writers used in the film, and whether they knew the difference. Been years since I watched it and I don’t remember.
Omnes Omnibus
@jl: I saw the scene the other night and I don’t recall relieved being used. Also, the movies was filmed soon enough after the war (1954) that lots of people would look askance at the idea of a benefit for a fuck-up commander.
ETA: Fuck autocorrect. I’ll own my actual mistakes.
Omnes Omnibus
@efgoldman: Fair enough. I am still arguing against TWW’s very silly premise. My own fault, really.
jl
@Omnes Omnibus: first scene is on youtube. “The Old Man” is very explicitly being replaced, not relieved, by a brand new spit and polish general “fresh out of the pentagon”. So, somebody wanted his job while a chance to command a unit at the front (edit: it being the end of 1944 is very prominently placed in the titles setting up the first scene). So, looks like ‘The Old Man” was A-OK. Though probably wouldn’t satisfy Ayn wrt the merits of the movie.
Omnes Omnibus
@jl: Okay then.
ETA: Horse beaten to death and question answered. Thanks.
Tree With Water
@Omnes Omnibus: Are you kidding me? It was an attack upon the Legislative Branch of the Government of the United States of America by a lousy agency within that government. And a very, very sinister agency, to boot. Characterize my reaction as you will, but there I stand.
Bobby Thomson
@jl: Correction – no hash tag.
Omnes Omnibus
@Tree With Water: I am saying that newspapers these days frequently say things in headlines and first paragraphs that are contradicted by facts that come up later in the article. I was not saying the article was untrue or that CIA did not behave badly. Reading one sentence of an article and going off about it is, IMO, having a knee jerk reaction without having all the facts, and, again IMO, it seldom works out well. YMMV.