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You are here: Home / Open Threads / Mitt’s Big Rock Candy Mountain

Mitt’s Big Rock Candy Mountain

by $8 blue check mistermix|  January 14, 201510:03 am| 115 Comments

This post is in: Open Threads

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We’d be drinking from lemonade springs and all the bulldogs would have rubber teeth if only we had elected Mitt:

If Romney were president, one longtime adviser said, “There wouldn’t be an ISIS at all, and Putin would know his place in life. Domestically, things would be in better shape.”

Does he mean that the number of job openings would be better than a 14 year high? Is he saying that the Russian economy would be so deep in the tank that the Ruble would be trading at a historic low of  80 to a dollar rather than 70?  (And isn’t there some confusion here–I thought we wanted a strong Russian daddy like Putin running our country?) As for ISIS, would they be called the “Middle Eastern Knitting Society and Organization Wishing to Kill Jews and Journalists” instead?

Mitt didn’t have any problem firing thousands of workers whenever he took over a company, but he can’t seem to fire the morons who have lost him two Presidential runs, and are working hard on losing number three.

(via Benen)

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Reader Interactions

115Comments

  1. 1.

    beth

    January 14, 2015 at 10:09 am

    f Romney were president, one longtime adviser said, “There wouldn’t be an ISIS at all, and Putin would know his place in life. Domestically, things would be in better shape.”

    This is just beggng for a Twitter hashtag along the lines of #foxnewsfacts. Go to it, young ones – #ifmittwereprez.

  2. 2.

    debbie

    January 14, 2015 at 10:11 am

    …and Putin would know his place in life…

    I watched Frontline’s report on Putin last night (especially loved Putin’s documentary on himself titled “Power”). Romney sounds more like a spiritual twin than a vanquisher of evil.

  3. 3.

    Hunter Gathers

    January 14, 2015 at 10:12 am

    The vocal contortions that white people take to trash Obama without calling him a Ni-clang! is almost performance art at this point. It would be art, except the people performing it have very delicate fee-fees.

  4. 4.

    Mustang Bobby

    January 14, 2015 at 10:12 am

    If Romney were president, one longtime adviser said, “There wouldn’t be an ISIS at all, and Putin would know his place in life. Domestically, things would be in better shape.”

    What, no unicorns shitting rainbows? What a disappointment.

    Well, we all know how the GOP feels about certain people “knowing their place,” don’t we…

  5. 5.

    Lavocat

    January 14, 2015 at 10:14 am

    If he weren’t real, Ayn Rand would have invented him. Oh, wait.

  6. 6.

    Lavocat

    January 14, 2015 at 10:15 am

    I think what R-Money is saying is another version of this: “If wishes were fishes, we’d have some fried; and if horseshit were biscuits, we’d eat ’til we died.”

    You’re welcome.

  7. 7.

    MattF

    January 14, 2015 at 10:16 am

    All those nice, wealthy people chatting with one another, making decisions in quiet rooms. Why would ISIS want to attack them?

  8. 8.

    beth

    January 14, 2015 at 10:16 am

    Speaking of GOP candidates, nice job Mike Huckabee in calling Beyonce “mental poison” and scolding the Obamas for letting their daughters listen to her music. Great way to really reach out to the young and African-American voters. Even my whiter than white, middle class, rap loving daughter said “wtf is up with that guy?”

  9. 9.

    Gin & Tonic

    January 14, 2015 at 10:16 am

    but he can’t seem to fire the morons who have lost him two Presidential runs

    He’d have to look into the mirror to do that.

  10. 10.

    cmorenc

    January 14, 2015 at 10:21 am

    Mitt Romney is the new Chuck Norris.

  11. 11.

    dmsilev

    January 14, 2015 at 10:23 am

    ISIS was founded in 2011. Apparently, the Mittbot 2012 has access to Skynet’s time-travel facility.

  12. 12.

    Chyron HR

    January 14, 2015 at 10:24 am

    If Mitt were president there’d be a car elevator in every garage.

  13. 13.

    dmsilev

    January 14, 2015 at 10:24 am

    @beth: My favorite part of Huckabee’s scold act is that he’s best buddies and jam partners with Ted Nugent. I’d paste in the lyrics to some of Nugent’s songs, but I’m pretty sure they’d repeatedly trigger the WP filters.

  14. 14.

    MattF

    January 14, 2015 at 10:25 am

    Easy-peasy, all Romney would have to do is deny ISIS’s existence. They’d just be out of luck, and that would be that.

    ETA: You think that having a President whose advisors are delusional would be a disadvantage? Been there, done that.

  15. 15.

    japa21

    January 14, 2015 at 10:27 am

    What do you expect from a guy, who says about his loss in 2012, “I came really close to beating a popular President in a good economy.”?

    2012 was a good economy? Definitely an improving economy, despite GOP efforts to make it otherwise, but hardly good. If 2012 was good, then today it is fantastic.

  16. 16.

    Judge Crater

    January 14, 2015 at 10:28 am

    Ha, ha. And he would be bringing free market capitalism to the banlieues of Paris.

  17. 17.

    debbie

    January 14, 2015 at 10:28 am

    @MattF:

    Like Reagan’s “Tear down this wall!” magically turned concrete to powder.

  18. 18.

    dmsilev

    January 14, 2015 at 10:30 am

    Also, I really hope this comes true

    Economic stewardship would still lie at the core of a Romney campaign, as it did in 2012, but he also would seek to turn some past weaknesses into strengths. The candidate — once lampooned for his wealth and caught on video dismissing the 47 percent of voters on government assistance — has been telling supporters he would run on an antipoverty platform. And while a trip abroad proved to be a low point of his 2012 campaign, he is making the case that he is uniquely qualified on foreign affairs.

    I really want to see Plutocrat Mitt, who built his entire business career on the principle of fucking over working people in the name of making rich people richer, try to pretend to be the second coming of FDR. And I assume “uniquely qualified on foreign affairs” is code for “has a mistress stashed in Switzerland”, because otherwise it makes no fucking sense.

  19. 19.

    Cervantes

    January 14, 2015 at 10:33 am

    @dmsilev:

    ISIS was founded in 2011. Apparently, the Mittbot 2012 has access to Skynet’s time-travel facility.

    What the adviser apparently said was that if Romney were president, “There wouldn’t be an ISIS at all.”

    So … it’s nonsense … but going back in time is not implied.

  20. 20.

    NonyNony

    January 14, 2015 at 10:33 am

    @beth:

    Great way to really reach out to the young and African-American voters.

    Or, you know, anyone younger than 40 or so, given that Beyonce has been a radio staple since Destiny’s Child started hitting it big over 15 years ago.

  21. 21.

    MattF

    January 14, 2015 at 10:34 am

    I know, Mitt’s not going to be the nominee, so I should let it go… but does this mean we’re going to have a bunch of anonymous sources revealing that Ann is Mitt’s new ‘secret weapon’? It’s just so ridiculous.

  22. 22.

    OzarkHillbilly

    January 14, 2015 at 10:36 am

    @Hunter Gathers: I never met anybody with more delicate “fee-fees” than artists. Comes with the territory. They pour everything they have into making something as close to the absolute embodiment of perfection as humanly possible, and some hack comes along and tells them everything that is wrong with it.

    Can’t say as I blame them.

  23. 23.

    rlrr

    January 14, 2015 at 10:36 am

    @beth:
    And yet, according to Huckabee, Ted Nugent is wholesome family entertainment…

  24. 24.

    qwerty42

    January 14, 2015 at 10:37 am

    Re: Foreign Policy, Larison seems (oddly) not to agree:
    …one of the delusions behind a new Romney campaign is that he and his supporters think foreign policy is one of his strengths, and that’s just silly. However, I didn’t understand just how delusional they were until I read this…
    …By what magical powers of resolve would Romney have eliminated ISIS? How exactly would he have made Putin to “know his place”? Presumably this adviser thinks this would happen because Romney’s policies would convey “strength” rather than “weakness,” but that just underscores that this adviser–like Romney–doesn’t have a clue how this would happen. These are nonsensical claims, but then that is typical for Romney and his advisers. …

  25. 25.

    NotMax

    January 14, 2015 at 10:38 am

    Steady minimum wage employment for an army of enforcers on the lookout for cell phones at any of his speaking engagements.

    “Has the catering staff all been herded into the Free Speech Zone? Everyone else frisked? Golly gee willikers, then I can begin.”

  26. 26.

    Belafon

    January 14, 2015 at 10:38 am

    .@MattF: Since Isis is an Egyptian goddess, and therefore just a myth, problem solved

  27. 27.

    cmorenc

    January 14, 2015 at 10:41 am

    @MattF:

    Easy-peasy, all Romney would have to do is deny ISIS’s existence. They’d just be out of luck, and that would be that.

    No, Romney would stage a hostile leveraged take-over, siphon off ISIS’ assets and revenue stream via dividend distributions, and enormously downsize the number of jihadists on the payroll, until it was no longer a viable terrorist entity. Meanwhile, Romney and Bain Capital would walk off from the stripped insolvent shell of ISIS with a huge monetary gain and no liability for its debts.

  28. 28.

    Shalimar

    January 14, 2015 at 10:42 am

    Anti-Mitt ads for the 2016 general election would be so easy to write. “Here is a clip of very optimistic 2012 Mitt promising the best non-laughable economic numbers he could imagine 4 years of his leadership might produce. This is where the economy actually is under 4 years of sane guidance. Never vote for Mitt. Even in his imagination, he isn’t good enough for America.”

  29. 29.

    Tom Johnson

    January 14, 2015 at 10:43 am

    Headline of the year, hands down.

  30. 30.

    Tokyokie

    January 14, 2015 at 10:44 am

    @dmsilev: No, no, no. You don’t understand. Mitt doesn’t have sex outside of marriage or drink or smoke, so therefore forget all that other New Testament stuff, he’s an exemplary Christian. And more to the point, you’re not and you better not forget it! No, Elder Romney’s foreign-policy expertise comes from spending two years (and gaining a draft deferment) in France and winning over 2, count ’em, 2 converts to the LDS faith.

    God wouldn’t have made Mitt so damn rich if Mitt were not such a grand exemplar of Mormon virtue. And besides, destroying the livelihoods of thousands of Gentiles could hardly be seen as a negative if some Mormons brothers made a lot of money in doing so.

  31. 31.

    bemused

    January 14, 2015 at 10:44 am

    If he were president, those living in poverty would know their place too, sol.

    I seem to remember that when Mitt went on his grand foreign policy tour overseas, it turned out to be mega multiple bloopers.

  32. 32.

    kindness

    January 14, 2015 at 10:44 am

    Republican advisors have a major disconnect.

    When I see press put out like this I get that they really only mean this to fire up their red meat base. But what about everyone else? How are reach-around massages going to elect one of their idiots president?

    So….it isn’t the advisors I see as an issue. They are being all too helpful to my side. It’s the media which isn’t calling out bullshit when ever it is tossed in their faces like this.

  33. 33.

    JPL

    January 14, 2015 at 10:47 am

    Did the adviser say anything about ISIL?

  34. 34.

    constitutional mistermix

    January 14, 2015 at 10:51 am

    @qwerty42: Larison hates pretty much all mainstream Republican foreign policy, especially Mitt’s.

  35. 35.

    Kropadope

    January 14, 2015 at 10:52 am

    @kindness:

    Republican advisors have a major disconnect.

    Translation: Water is wet

  36. 36.

    Roger Moore

    January 14, 2015 at 10:54 am

    @kindness:

    When I see press put out like this I get that they really only mean this to fire up their red meat base. But what about everyone else? How are reach-around massages going to elect one of their idiots president?

    I think they’re concentrating so hard on winning the nomination that they can’t afford to think about the general election yet. Besides, the only people who are paying attention right now have already made up their mind about which party they’re going to vote for in 2016; potentially persuadable voters don’t care enough about politics to follow the nomination business a year before the first primaries.

  37. 37.

    feebog

    January 14, 2015 at 10:54 am

    Mittmentoum, you can smell the ad money burning already!

  38. 38.

    Bubblegum Tate

    January 14, 2015 at 10:54 am

    @Lavocat:

    “If wishes and buts were clusters of nuts, we’d all have a bowl of granola!”

  39. 39.

    Iowa Old Lady

    January 14, 2015 at 10:59 am

    @qwerty42: Apparently his policy is just being awesome.

  40. 40.

    Bubblegum Tate

    January 14, 2015 at 10:59 am

    @beth:

    In the wingnut world, there is absolutely nothing admirable about Jay-Z and Beyonce–not their talent, not their success, certainly not Jay-Z’s rags-to-riches story (which you’d think wingnuts would love, as it’s the exact thing they think every poor person should be doing and isn’t happening only because poor people are lazy moochers). Instead, they tell black people that Allen West and Herman Cain should be their real heroes. It’s a hell of a way to conduct minority outreach.

  41. 41.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    January 14, 2015 at 11:02 am

    I think there’s some hope on the Republican side that a Romney – Bush matchup can play out like the Clinton – Obama primary and asphyxiate all the marginal or crazy candidates while providing a high profile battle for Romney and Bush that could bleed over to the general.

  42. 42.

    Cervantes

    January 14, 2015 at 11:03 am

    @qwerty42:

    Re: Foreign Policy, Larison seems (oddly) not to agree:

    “Oddly”? I follow Larison closely enough and, while he does have his blind spots, in 2012 I did not see him agree with Romney on anything substantial.

    Perhaps you meant it ironically.

  43. 43.

    BuddY H

    January 14, 2015 at 11:05 am

    @beth: Speaking of GOP candidates, nice job Mike Huckabee in calling Beyonce “mental poison” and scolding the Obamas for letting their daughters listen to her music.

    Jimmy Carter: “Huckabee’s wrong on everything, not just Obama’s parenting skills”

    http://www.tmz.com/2015/01/14/jimmy-carter-mike-huckabee-beyonce-obamas-video/

    The tmz crew, who hangs around airports waiting for celebrities to walk through and give sound bytes, got some nice quotes from Jimmy Carter.

    If you want some extra laughs, check out the comments after the article. People calling him the worst president ever and asking why we still pay for secret service protection. I’m telling you, the trolls are everywhere. And they repeat everything sean hannity tells them.

  44. 44.

    Mnemosyne (iPad Mini)

    January 14, 2015 at 11:06 am

    I guess that if Mitt Romney had been in charge, ISIS would have been practicing self-defense against fruit instead of buying all those guns and stuff:

    http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=piWCBOsJr-w

  45. 45.

    gogol's wife

    January 14, 2015 at 11:06 am

    @debbie:

    I’m sorry I missed that (we had people over). It was interesting?

  46. 46.

    CONGRATULATIONS!

    January 14, 2015 at 11:08 am

    I’m tired of politicians working out their daddy issues by way of our political system.

    Mitt didn’t win last time because he refused to put a dime of his own money in the pot. If he’s going to do it again, it means that the Mormon church will be going all in, and they have probably have enough money to buy a one-term presidency.

    If you ever really wanted to feel sorry for Mitt, watch the scene in the documentary where he is told he has lost. He’s fine with it, just another deal that fell through. His kids are bummed but OK. Then they cut to Ann.

    Holy shit.

    She’s the dangerous one.

  47. 47.

    Gin & Tonic

    January 14, 2015 at 11:08 am

    @gogol’s wife: I think it was aimed at people who don’t know very much.

  48. 48.

    Mnemosyne (iPad Mini)

    January 14, 2015 at 11:08 am

    @NonyNony:

    I’m 45 and I’m not a big Beyoncé fan because she’s too mainstream for me. (Though, like every other sentient person on earth, I must dance when “All The Single Ladies” comes on.)

  49. 49.

    Villago Delenda Est

    January 14, 2015 at 11:11 am

    @MattF: She’s a rock star, you know.

    Like Beyonce.

    Oh…wait…

  50. 50.

    aimai

    January 14, 2015 at 11:12 am

    @cmorenc: Best line of the day. We should definitely repurpose this to go along with the #IfMittWerePrez hashtag.

  51. 51.

    CONGRATULATIONS!

    January 14, 2015 at 11:13 am

    People calling him the worst president ever and asking why we still pay for secret service protection.

    @BuddY H: I hear this one a lot. My response of “shooting ex-presidents is something that only happens in Mexico and Somalia and other such third world shitholes” tends to send them through the roof.

  52. 52.

    Villago Delenda Est

    January 14, 2015 at 11:14 am

    @Roger Moore: The horse race is on!

  53. 53.

    Villago Delenda Est

    January 14, 2015 at 11:16 am

    @Bubblegum Tate:

    Allen West and Herman Cain should be their real heroes.

    A war criminal and a serial sexual harasser?

    Well, that makes sense. In the predictable wingnut way.

  54. 54.

    Villago Delenda Est

    January 14, 2015 at 11:21 am

    @bemused: When the Tory mayor of London starts mocking you, you really should rethink everything you know about foreign policy.

    The fact that the Marquis failed to reflect on any of that is a searing indictment of his qualifications to conduct foreign policy.

  55. 55.

    Tinare

    January 14, 2015 at 11:21 am

    Sorry, this made me choke on my coffee —

    Some close to Romney say they’ve seen a looser side to him lately, citing him putting bunny ears over former Massachusetts Senator Scott Brown during Governor Charlie Baker’s inauguration.

    Bunny ears???

  56. 56.

    Jesse

    January 14, 2015 at 11:23 am

    I fear I’m going to get flamed as an anti-Semite for this, but it really get under my skin to characterize ISIS and other birds of a feather (e.g., al Qaeda) as, largely, anti-Jewish groups. This seems to have taken hold following the Paris attacks. I don’t think you can look at what these guys are doing and come away with the conclusion that they’re primarily about taking down the Jews. They’ll take down anyone to achieve their goals, which are to instill terror or straight up hold down territory and govern it in their medieval, bizarro-world ways (which also involves terror). Look at how many Muslims ISIS and kin have murdered in the Levant. I mean, sure, I know these guys have absolutely fugbuck views about the Jews, and all things being equal, I’m sure they’d prefer to to have a world with far fewer Jews in it. That’s been there all along. But I don’t look at 9/11, the madness in Iraq and Syria, and now the Paris attacks, and think to myself: wow, we’ve got some straight up WWII-style anti-Semitism here!

  57. 57.

    bemused

    January 14, 2015 at 11:26 am

    @Villago Delenda Est:

    I do remember much mocking.

  58. 58.

    Villago Delenda Est

    January 14, 2015 at 11:26 am

    @Jesse: Failure to give unqualified full throated support to Likud makes you an antisemite nowadays, so don’t sweat it.

  59. 59.

    Cervantes

    January 14, 2015 at 11:26 am

    @Tinare:

    Bunny ears???

    Afraid so.

  60. 60.

    Chris

    January 14, 2015 at 11:29 am

    @qwerty42:

    Presumably this adviser thinks this would happen because Romney’s policies would convey “strength” rather than “weakness,”

    Yep – according to the entire GOP, that really is how foreign policy is conducted.

    @Bubblegum Tate:

    Instead, they tell black people that Allen West and Herman Cain should be their real heroes.

    It’s kind of hard to make a hero out of the person who’s telling you to “blame yourselves” for the shitty job market resulting from an economic recession that they know they didn’t cause – and that Herman Cain, too, knows they didn’t cause, since as soon as he’s done blaming the poor and unemployed for their own condition, he’ll go back to blaming Obama for poverty and unemployment.

  61. 61.

    JGabriel

    January 14, 2015 at 11:31 am

    mistermix @ top:

    Mitt didn’t have any problem firing thousands of workers whenever he took over a company, but he can’t seem to fire the morons who have lost him two Presidential runs, and are working hard on losing number three.

    Well, it’s not like Mitt! has much choice. All of the people who’ve won presidential elections for Republicans over the past 3 decades work for the Bushies.

  62. 62.

    CONGRATULATIONS!

    January 14, 2015 at 11:34 am

    @Jesse: Have you applied for Israeli citizenship yet? If no, you’re an anti-semite as far as Israel and the right-wing is concerned.

    Welcome to the left.

  63. 63.

    Frankensteinbeck

    January 14, 2015 at 11:35 am

    @qwerty42:
    I think they have a decent idea of what their foreign policy is. The delusional part is that it would work. They want George W Bush. Speak loudly and angrily about defeating anyone who looks at us funny. Stress that this is an existential war against evil. Assume that the entire world revolves around America, and that nothing happens that isn’t about us. Invade at the drop of a hat, because we’re invincible and we need to remind the world of that constantly. Support and encourage, with every ounce of our power, Israel to commit genocide on Islam/Arabs (same thing, to conservatives). Basically, be a bullying asshole.

    They believe that not only will everyone in the entire world back down in fear, the rest of the world will love and admire us for our manliness. Small exceptions are made for those evil ethnicities who will be annihilated, which of course they see as a good thing.

  64. 64.

    bemused

    January 14, 2015 at 11:37 am

    I’m trying to picture Mitt as president dealing with Putin so “Putin will know his place”. Oy.

    Not looking forward to hearing that awkward, nervous laugh that just makes me cringe if Mitt is on the campaign trail very long. It made me feel extremely stabby.

  65. 65.

    JustRuss

    January 14, 2015 at 11:38 am

    Obviously Mitt would have bought out ISIS in a leveraged takeover, outsourced beheadings and terrorism to the lowest bidder, and sold off all the military assets they had accumulated. Then started the first of many rounds of layoffs. They’d have never known what hit them.

  66. 66.

    Frankensteinbeck

    January 14, 2015 at 11:41 am

    To add to my previous, conservative foreign policy is just an extension of all conservative policy: Keep hurting people until they love you.

  67. 67.

    Chris

    January 14, 2015 at 11:42 am

    @Jesse:

    Targets of ISIS are pretty much anybody who doesn’t share their extremely restrictive version of Islam. If I had to pick one particular “anti” that defines them, though, I’d have to pick anti-Shi’ism. In their original form as al-Qaeda in Iraq, killing Shi’a in the Iraqi civil war was probably their biggest priority, to the point that al-Qaeda central actually tried to call them back to order because killing that many Muslims wasn’t doing The Cause any PR favors (for all the good it did, Zarqawi wasn’t taking orders). And more recently, their rise to power’s been against Shi’a dominated governments in Baghdad and Damascus – and in the context of broader Sunni-Shi’a tensions in the Middle East.

    Buuut… emphasizing the anti-Shi’a part of their agenda would come dangerously close to admitting that most of these Muslim extremists’ victims are themselves Muslims, which is no good for the whole “clash of civilizations” narrative. Besides, a lot of the public in the West is still fuzzy on what distinctions like “Sunni vs Shi’a” (really anything more narrow than “Muslim”) are in the first place. So people emphasize the antisemetic side. Makes it easier to slide ISIS into a familiar kind of evil (Nazis and KKK).

  68. 68.

    Villago Delenda Est

    January 14, 2015 at 11:44 am

    @Frankensteinbeck: Pretty much what O’Brien tells Winston Smith.

  69. 69.

    Villago Delenda Est

    January 14, 2015 at 11:47 am

    @feebog: UNLIMITED CORPORATE CASH!

  70. 70.

    Jay C

    January 14, 2015 at 11:50 am

    Mock-worthy as this inane “ISIS wouldn’t exist” crap may be, it’s not coming completely out of left right field. I mean it is, and it’s still bullshit, but it neatly fits right in with the prevailing GOP narrative: i.e. that things in Iraq would be hunky-dory right now, if wussy cut-and-run liberal Obama had forced a SOFA on the Iraqis which would have allowed for large numbers of US troops to still be stationed in-country. Ergo: no ISIS, because everyone knows that a gang of wretched raghead terrorists would never dare attack Awesome America – and even if they did, we would Awesomely blow them away. Ergo: ISIS/ISIL, and an unstable Iraq is all Obama’s fault for not allowing for another Awesome Offensive, which, of course, President Mitt would have lustily cheered on. On TV. 24/7.

    The theory has more holes in it than your average colander, of course, but it’s precisely the sort of simple-minded, violence-is-always-the-answer-because-Awesome-America boilerplate that the GOP base wants to hear. And which our marvelously deferential media will NEVER call Romney, or any Republican out on. Ever.

  71. 71.

    Chris

    January 14, 2015 at 11:51 am

    @bemused:

    I’m trying to picture Mitt as president dealing with Putin so “Putin will know his place”. Oy.

    You’re trying to picture a draft dodging Ivy League spoiled rich kid putting a KGB officer in “his place?” Yeah, I can’t picture it either.

    I think Putin feels about as threatened right now as Obama did when Tagg Romney blustered about wanting to “take a swing” at him.

  72. 72.

    Lurking Canadian

    January 14, 2015 at 11:53 am

    @dmsilev:

    And I assume “uniquely qualified on foreign affairs” is code for “has a mistress stashed in Switzerland”, because otherwise it makes no fucking sense

    Actually, it is absolutely true that he has unique qualifications in foreign affairs. He is almost certain to be the only Republican candidate who has pissed off America’s closest foreign policy ally during a tour because he couldn’t keep his gob shut about the Olympics.

    @Lavocat:

    If he weren’t real, Ayn Rand would have invented him. Oh, wait.

    Rand’s heroes are selfish assholes, barely human and spend their time beating up straw men, but they actually make useful stuff. Rearden metal and the John Galt engine are bullshit magic, but it would be great to have them. The next useful thing Mitt Romney does will be the first.

  73. 73.

    Shalimar

    January 14, 2015 at 11:54 am

    @beth: Someone whose son was kicked out of the Boy Scouts for hanging a stray dog from a tree and allegedly torturing it to death for fun really should have the self-awareness to never ever ever lecture anyone else about proper parenting again.

  74. 74.

    Chris

    January 14, 2015 at 11:58 am

    @Lurking Canadian:

    Rand’s heroes are selfish assholes, barely human and spend their time beating up straw men, but they actually make useful stuff. Rearden metal and the John Galt engine are bullshit magic, but it would be great to have them. The next useful thing Mitt Romney does will be the first.

    This is what I’ve long thought was the defining thing about our current class of plutocrats. Say what you want about the robber barons of the Gilded Age, but at least steel, railroads, oil, et al were useful for the society around them. What did Bain Capital ever produce?

  75. 75.

    qwerty42

    January 14, 2015 at 12:01 pm

    @constitutional mistermix:

    Larison hates pretty much all mainstream Republican foreign policy, especially Mitt’s.

    As well he should. It is almost all, with no significant exception, incredibly stupid.
    @Frankensteinbeck:

    … I think they have a decent idea of what their foreign policy is. The delusional part is that it would work. They want George W Bush. Speak loudly and angrily about defeating anyone who looks at us funny. Stress that this is an existential war against evil. Assume that the entire world revolves around America, and that nothing happens that isn’t about us. …

    It seems always to be 1938 or 1939 or 1945 for these nuts. Always Strength through Bluster.

  76. 76.

    Villago Delenda Est

    January 14, 2015 at 12:04 pm

    @Shalimar: Self awareness is a quality that makes it pretty much impossible for you to throw your hat into the ring for the Rethuglican presidential nomination.

  77. 77.

    Steeplejack (phone)

    January 14, 2015 at 12:05 pm

    From the Newsmax headlines you see only on the mobile site: “Zogby: Ann Says Mitt to Run as First Divorced Mormon.”

  78. 78.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    January 14, 2015 at 12:05 pm

    @Tinare: @Tinare: also known as the Richard Nixon “V sign”. Romney is trying to capture the Nixon zeitgeist.

  79. 79.

    bemused

    January 14, 2015 at 12:12 pm

    @Chris:

    Unimaginable.

  80. 80.

    Roger Moore

    January 14, 2015 at 12:14 pm

    @Chris:

    I think Putin feels about as threatened right now as Obama did when Tagg Romney blustered about wanting to “take a swing” at him.

    As threatened by Romney, perhaps. I don’t think Putin takes Obama lightly at all.

  81. 81.

    Roger Moore

    January 14, 2015 at 12:16 pm

    @Chris:

    What did Bain Capital ever produce?

    Misery.

  82. 82.

    catclub

    January 14, 2015 at 12:16 pm

    @Just Some Fuckhead: Nixon was elected 8 years after he lost, so why not go for it. By comparison with the 60’s of Civil Rights and Vietnam, the 8 years of Barack Obama
    have been ( so far) much more calm. Actually very few ‘Obama’s Katrina’ events actually happened. So the the upheaval that Nixon reacted against is not there. Plus 1968 was an incredibly bad year for Democrats and still Nixon barely won.

    So Romney is similar, without all the advantages Nixon had.
    Clinton would not have to worry about being seen as too old, since Romney is older. It is all good. (So far. Economy is the main uncertainty, but the painfully long and slow recovery also means no boom and bust in 2016.)

  83. 83.

    Villago Delenda Est

    January 14, 2015 at 12:18 pm

    @Chris:

    What did Bain Capital ever produce?

    Rafalca?

  84. 84.

    Mike in NC

    January 14, 2015 at 12:22 pm

    Mittens is such a stumbling, tone-deaf, lying asshole he almost makes scum like Cruz and Christie look appealing.

  85. 85.

    Chris

    January 14, 2015 at 12:26 pm

    @Roger Moore:

    That’s what I meant.

  86. 86.

    Shalimar

    January 14, 2015 at 12:26 pm

    @catclub: I also think and hope the painfully slow recovery could drag the good period out to the point where the economy is still good in 2016, or at least signs of bust are there like in 2000 and 2007 but not clearly enough that people vote based on them, just like the excellent economy of the last 2 months was evident in the last half of 2014 but not strongly enough to help Democrats.

    Economies go through the cycle, it is inevitable, so I fear being in the inevitable obvious downturn during the 2016 election race with Obama in charge to blame it on. If that is where we are, Republicans will benefit and massive holes will be ripped in the safety net before 2018.

  87. 87.

    Quaker in a Basement

    January 14, 2015 at 12:27 pm

    If Mitt had been elected, pigs *would* fly and after every thunderstorm, it would rain barbecued ribs!

  88. 88.

    Tissue Thin Pseudonym

    January 14, 2015 at 12:33 pm

    I’ve been saying for months that God doesn’t love me enough to have Mitt Romney mount another serious campaign for the presidency. It’s possible that I underestimated the deity’s benevolence.

  89. 89.

    catclub

    January 14, 2015 at 12:38 pm

    @Tissue Thin Pseudonym: The LGMers are enjoying the possibility also.

    http://www.lawyersgunsmoneyblog.com/2015/01/jen-hearts-mittens-jeb

  90. 90.

    Bubblegum Tate

    January 14, 2015 at 12:52 pm

    @Lurking Canadian:

    The next useful thing Mitt Romney does will be the first.

    Don’t you know that her personally founded Staples?!? (Sad but true: I’m only mildly exaggerating wingnut talking points.)

  91. 91.

    Bubblegum Tate

    January 14, 2015 at 12:58 pm

    @Chris:

    What did Bain Capital ever produce?

    What are you, kidding? It’s an incredibly efficient producer of pink slips for workers and bonuses for executives.

  92. 92.

    Tinare

    January 14, 2015 at 1:02 pm

    @Just Some Fuckhead:

    It all makes sense now. Thanks! :)

  93. 93.

    shortstop

    January 14, 2015 at 1:05 pm

    Mitt didn’t have any problem firing thousands of workers whenever he took over a company, but he can’t seem to fire the morons who have lost him two Presidential runs, and are working hard on losing number three.

    And that is what’s going to make this so damn much fun. He can’t be anyone but who he is: someone who hangs on to losers because they’re guys he feels comfortable with, and who won’t be able to stop making 47 percent remarks no matter how much he vows to shut it. Mitt gotta be Mitt.

  94. 94.

    shortstop

    January 14, 2015 at 1:15 pm

    @CONGRATULATIONS!: I have to conclude that my partisan blinders were on when I watched that movie, because I didn’t see it as complimentary to Mitt at all. It seemed only to underscore how thoroughly disconnected from reality he was and is.

    But as you say, the best part was the many appearances of the Lady Ann. In nearly every one of her scenes, she had a sour expression on her face, frequently looking enraged and often giving the impression that she’d detected a bad smell that should have been taken care of by the help. She is far more entitled than Mitt, impossible though that may seem, and a huge holder of grudges. Absolutely my favorite scene was the one in which she, with her MRS degree and lifetime of being exquisitely cared for, earnestly complains that Democrats are “all lawyers” and thus don’t understand the needs of small businesspeople who work so hard. This hardworking small-business owner guffawed for a good 20 minutes over that one.

  95. 95.

    I'mNotSureWhoIWantToBeYet

    January 14, 2015 at 1:44 pm

    @CONGRATULATIONS!: Dunno. The bit with him ironing his sleeve while wearing the jacket is disconcerting, also too.

    http://www.slate.com/blogs/weigel/2013/12/18/netflix_mitt_romney_documentary_trailer.html

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  96. 96.

    Roger Moore

    January 14, 2015 at 1:49 pm

    @I’mNotSureWhoIWantToBeYet:

    The bit with him ironing his sleeve while wearing the jacket is disconcerting, also too.

    And people say the warnings about not ironing your clothes while wearing them were put there by busybody lawyers with nothing better to do than imagine the stupid things users might do.

  97. 97.

    Kay

    January 14, 2015 at 1:59 pm

    I think the central fact of Mitt Romney’s life is his religion and he (or his handlers) feel they can’t reveal that for political reasons and that’s why he seems inauthentic and somehow hollow.

    Obviously I don’t know but I did watch “Mitt” so I feel qualified to judge :)

  98. 98.

    trollhattan

    January 14, 2015 at 2:00 pm

    @Mike in NC:
    Now hold on there pardner…okay, you did say “almost.”

    Willard would be more the hapless preznit while Cruz would plant a brick on the accelerator pedal and steer us at the largest cliff he could find. That fvcker is both crazy and evil, Charlie Manson-level stuff. Christie is Tony Soprano, and goddamn well proud of it.

  99. 99.

    trollhattan

    January 14, 2015 at 2:05 pm

    @Kay:
    I never squared candidate Mittens with the prototypical Mormon, in that he seems completely divorced from their commitments to community and giving. Other than the ginormous pack of offspring, the “Oh shucks” demeanor and the utter whiteness, he doesn’t resemble any LDS folks I’ve ever known. If he could orchestrate an LBO of the LDS, he’d do it in a heartbeat.

  100. 100.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    January 14, 2015 at 2:08 pm

    @Kay: I think the central fact of Mitt Romney’s life is his religion and he (or his handlers) feel they can’t reveal that for political reasons and that’s why he seems inauthentic and somehow hollow.

    And like a lot of religious people, he loves his religion because his religion loves him– phrases like “Jesus loves me” and “personal relationship with Christ” have always struck me as weirdly narcissistic. If Mormonism isn’t the one true faith, then Mitt Romney is not the White Horse, and if Mitt Romney is not the White Horse, he’s a second rate Jamie Dimon, a man with half the net worth of Darryl Issa, and a fraction of what those pompous Huntsmans have!

    per Wiki

    Mitt Romney[edit]
    In 2007, U.S. presidential candidate Mitt Romney told the Salt Lake Tribune that “I haven’t heard my name associated with [the White Horse Prophecy] or anything of that nature. That’s not official church doctrine…. I don’t put that at the heart of my religious belief.”[5][23]

    could we call that a non-denial denial?

  101. 101.

    shortstop

    January 14, 2015 at 2:10 pm

    @Roger Moore: Someone, I’m not saying who, could also have used a manufacturer’s warning about standing too close to the ironing board in her underwear while ironing a dress. This jackass had a burn mark on her tummy for a good six weeks. I’m so embarrassed to know someone like this.

  102. 102.

    shortstop

    January 14, 2015 at 2:13 pm

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist: I always though the WHP stuff was overstated and over-whispered about where the Romneys are concerned. You know, sort of a paranoid theory on the part of non-Mormons. The Romneys’ reaction when they lost convinced me they might actually have been buying into it by the end.

  103. 103.

    Kay

    January 14, 2015 at 2:38 pm

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist:

    He’s an odd duck, though. Something is going on there. I loved the movie because it’s like watching Mitt Romney play “Mitt Romney”. I got the same feeling with his bizarre Benghazi…appearance, whatever that what was.

    There’s this scene in the movie where he’s looking at returns from Florida and he’s surrounded by people who are determined to be cheery and upbeat and again there’s that weird distance- he clearly knows it doesn’t look good, he had some number or margin he needs- that part is like Mitt Romney advising “Mitt Romney”.

  104. 104.

    docg

    January 14, 2015 at 3:10 pm

    Mitt IS the White Horse, because the original person cast for the part, Joseph Smith, stepped on his well worn dick, in running for president.

  105. 105.

    NonyNony

    January 14, 2015 at 3:33 pm

    @Kay:

    I think the central fact of Mitt Romney’s life is his religion and he (or his handlers) feel they can’t reveal that for political reasons and that’s why he seems inauthentic and somehow hollow.

    Eh, I’m not sure I’d agree. Replace “religion” with “rich, entitled asshole” and I think you’re closer to what he and his handlers are trying to avoid. The uncensored Mitt Romney is the “47% guy” but he suspects that there’s no way in hell he could get 51% of the vote with that attitude.

    I actually think he’s wrong about this – I think if he came out and acted like the alpha male entitled asshole that he clearly is in real life, the voters would back him up and probably love him for it. At least enough to get to that magical 51% mark. (I’d love to be proven wrong on this one.)

  106. 106.

    Another Holocene Human

    January 14, 2015 at 3:36 pm

    @beth: She did a live in person cosplay of that old bumper sticker with the dancing lady with the bare arms and legs that says “Doing my part to piss off the religious right” and then she did it in front of the word FEMINIST just to eliminate any libertarianish middle ground.

    I think Bey trolled Huckabee here, is what I’m saying.

  107. 107.

    Another Holocene Human

    January 14, 2015 at 3:38 pm

    @dmsilev: Cat scratch fever is too biblical, it’s a metaphor for a leper being healed through the love of Jesus Christ. /////

  108. 108.

    Another Holocene Human

    January 14, 2015 at 3:39 pm

    @Shalimar:

    “Here is a clip of very optimistic 2012 Mitt promising the best non-laughable economic numbers he could imagine 4 years of his leadership might produce. This is where the economy actually is under 4 years of sane guidance. Never vote for Mitt. Even in his imagination, he isn’t good enough for America.”

    Perfect.

  109. 109.

    Tokyokie

    January 14, 2015 at 3:52 pm

    @trollhattan: As someone who has lived in Utah, I can tell you that there’s a huge difference between Mormons who live in the state or otherwise live in the church’s smothering embrace, and those who live elsewhere. Those who live elsewhere have to deal with the rest of the world as it is, not the way they suppose it to be. And although Mitt doesn’t live in Utah, he’s the crown prince of the church. His real goal is not to be president of the U.S. but to be president of the church, a position to which he feels entitled, and he sees the former as the best way of achieving the latter.

  110. 110.

    Keith G

    January 14, 2015 at 4:33 pm

    I think a problem with Romney is that he has a circle of advisors who want him to run because they want the pay check from helping him to run. To that end, they promote news stories about the positive support Romney has. And yet I have read more than one article that indicates that once searched for, the pockets of Romney support are not that readily obvious. Added to that is the reality that not all of his former contributors are as anxious to pony up as they were before.

    I am wondering if the Romney candidacy meme is just a piece of performance art. Some former Romney campaign aids want to be in line just incase the old man is crazy enough to start paying them again, and Mitt is only interested in whipping up enough interest so he can then decline the honor and end his political life saying no to the voters instead of the voters saying no to him.

  111. 111.

    Linnaeus

    January 14, 2015 at 4:41 pm

    @Chris:

    This is what I’ve long thought was the defining thing about our current class of plutocrats. Say what you want about the robber barons of the Gilded Age, but at least steel, railroads, oil, et al were useful for the society around them. What did Bain Capital ever produce?

    The Wolf of Wall Street lunch scene with Matthew McConaughey comes to mind here.

  112. 112.

    shortstop

    January 14, 2015 at 4:42 pm

    @Keith G: I think that’s probably a solid analysis. And yet, sometimes I still get that “I want this and so I deserve it” vibe off him in interviews. Perhaps he’s wavering between the two.

  113. 113.

    catclub

    January 14, 2015 at 5:24 pm

    @Keith G: I just read Matt Yglesias, and suspect you have, too.

    The pool of wealthy Mormon donors must be awfully tempting, for his consultants.

  114. 114.

    Turgidson

    January 14, 2015 at 9:00 pm

    @Keith G:

    “so he can then decline the honor and end his political life saying no to the voters instead of the voters saying no to him.”

    I think this could be what’s going on, to some extent. Mittens might actually run if he thinks he can win, but I think it’s just as, if not more, likely that he just wants to feel like he dictated the terms of his “retirement” rather than being cast aside as the petulant loser the 2012 defeat made him into.

  115. 115.

    Villago Delenda Est

    January 15, 2015 at 2:03 am

    @Another Holocene Human: I get it. They’re abandoning taking things literally in this case.

    ONLY!

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