Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Republican obstruction dressed up as bipartisanship. Again.

Shallow, uninformed, and lacking identity

You cannot shame the shameless.

Is it negotiation when the other party actually wants to shoot the hostage?

The next time the wall street journal editorial board speaks the truth will be the first.

This has so much WTF written all over it that it is hard to comprehend.

The GOP couldn’t organize an orgy in a whorehouse with a fist full of 50s.

I’m pretty sure there’s only one Jack Smith.

The GOP is a fucking disgrace.

Red lights blinking on democracy’s dashboard

Today’s GOP: why go just far enough when too far is right there?

Historically it was a little unusual for the president to be an incoherent babbling moron.

We are builders in a constant struggle with destroyers. let’s win this.

Roe isn’t about choice, it’s about freedom.

Thanks to your bullshit, we are now under siege.

Good lord, these people are nuts.

If you are still in the GOP, you are an extremist.

… pundit janitors mopping up after the GOP

Putting aside our relentless self-interest because the moral imperative is crystal clear.

When do we start airlifting the women and children out of Texas?

New McCarthy, same old McCarthyism.

if you can’t see it, then you are useless in the fight to stop it.

Whatever happens next week, the fight doesn’t end.

Imperialist aggressors must be defeated, or the whole world loses.

You are here: Home / Economics / C.R.E.A.M. / Saturday Morning Cartoons Open Thread, CPAC Edition

Saturday Morning Cartoons Open Thread, CPAC Edition

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CPAC Day Two is behind us, and the consensus seems to be that Jeb Bush is the GOP Establishment’s Microsoft, Scott Walker is the Koch Brothers’ Apple, Rand’s faithful Paulistas are Phish heads, and everybody else is actually (a) auditioning for the VP slot, or (b) grifting. There’s lots of grifting!

Jeb Lund, for the Guardian:

Welcome to the Conservative Political Action Conference, a three-day-long performance from an improv troupe whose hat has only has one statement in it: you’re in terrible danger. But that doesn’t mean you’re in terrible danger right now. Right now, there are seminars. About the danger. I have been to them, as part of my quest to be America’s Most Impervious Man. I don’t even care to what…

John Cassidy, for the New Yorker:

… After a couple of ho-hum speeches from Rick Perry and Marco Rubio, two of the would-be G.O.P. candidates in 2016, Reince Priebus, the head of the Republican National Committee, took the stage. Many CPAC partisans regard the R.N.C. as the soggy, corporate-funded enemy within (which could also serve as a shorthand description of their feelings about the Bush family), but Priebus was there to be friendly. “There will be no coronation in the Republican Party,” he assured the crowd. “If you want to win the nomination, you’re going to have to earn the nomination.” Then came Donald Trump, who appeared to have spent the flight down to D.C. doing some handicapping. “Jeb Bush—he’s in favor of Common Core,” Trump said blithely. “He’s weak on immigration. I don’t see him winning.”

Many of the attendees would dearly love to believe that Trump is right in his analysis. He was followed by one of their heroes, Senator Rand Paul, who already seems to have been running for President forever….

Charles P. Pierce, at Esquire:

It is now conventional wisdom that CPAC this year has been a triumph for conservative hawks, and that, while Rand Paul is still popular in the hall, his extended moment as the lead act in that particular hootenanny finally may have passed. Folks are up there wanting to get their war on, and the laptop bombardiers in the audience are lapping it up. (This shebeen is in the market for any photo of the audience taken at that moment when Princess Dumbass of the Northwoods asked for all the veterans in the house to stand.) ISIS is coming for all of us, and most of the potential Republican candidates are waiting for it with Leadership, Authenticity, Exceptionalism, and a vast arsenal of featherweight banalities…

Jim Newell, at Salon:

The most warmly received speaker as of mid-afternoon on the first day of CPAC has been Senator Ted Cruz. I mean, do they love this guy, or do they love this guy? Generally the worse you are for Republicans’ brand as a responsible governing party that can appeal to broad demographics, the better accepted you are at CPAC, and that’s why it’s America’s greatest conference…

Cruz noted the obvious: that every presidential hopeful who speaks at CPAC will throw out red meat. They will all say they hate Obamacare and abortion and love Israel and guns the most. Each will anoint him or herself the most conservative human of all time — maybe tied with Reagan, if they’re being modest. They will promise to crush the skulls of all Democrats and their urbane, fairy ways on Day One in the White House. They will screw the environment the way it’s never been screwed before, for capitalistic profits. They will singlehandedly save the culture from its uninterrupted, thousand-year descent into neon pornographic toilet water. In a way that no other candidate can….

Not much love for my personal choice to be the eventual Not-JebWalker, but then, it’s still twenty-one months before the actual Day of Reckoning…

Random snapshots of Your Modern GOP, cuttin’ loose and boogying down:

Reader Interactions

109Comments

  2. 2.

    Zinsky

    It sounds like a sophomoric freak show and no one in attendance should be allowed within 100 yards of places where adult, responsible governance occurs!

  3. 3.

    NotMax

    Going for the record on tweets?

    “separation of church and state is not in the Constitution”

    Neither is net neutrality. Nor an Air Force.

  5. 5.

    NotMax

    @Baud

    This post is long.

    And even had I the slightest idea who most of the names cited are, why should I give a fig about what random “authors” have to say?

  7. 7.

    Baud

    The obscure, seemingly random universe of health-care pricing is getting a little less opaque today. Some of the country’s largest health insurers are coming together to reveal the prices they pay for dozens of medical services across the country in an effort to help consumers become savvier shoppers.

    All the information can be found at Guroo.com, a site launched Wednesday morning that was built by a health-care nonprofit group with information from United Healthcare, Humana, Aetna and Assurant Health. The transparency effort is a nod to the growing trend of patients being asked to pay more out of their own pockets, as insurers try to manage their costs and steer customers toward preferred health-care providers.

  10. 10.

    OzarkHillbilly

    @NotMax:

    “separation of church and state is not in the Constitution”

    No but, “no religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States.”

    Funny how they forget that.

  12. 12.

    Baud

    NPR

    The human remains were in a layer of soil that also contained bones from animals that lived in Florida during the Ice Age: mastodons, giant sloths and saber-toothed cats.

    Sellards said this was proof that people lived in Florida during the Ice Age, at least 14,000 years ago. At the time, most scientists believed humans had been in the New World no longer than 6,000 years.

  13. 13.

    Baud

    LA Times

    The editorial counseled the port workers that it may not be “worthwhile to rock the boat so much” because “things are very good for them.”

    But how poor do unionized workers have to be for them to be eligible to bargain for raises?

    The subtext is that unions are on their way out, and that taking actions like agitating for pay and benefits will only hasten their disappearance. Recent events, however, are pointing in the opposite direction. Labor organizations are starting to show new creativity and militancy in attaining their goals.

  14. 14.

    Full metal Wingnut

    Time for some CLEs. Not a fan of my state’s requirement that I do half of them live (as opposed to online). I usually do them all in one big 2-3 day mega conference blitz, but I decided to space it out this time.

    Also, *man* the temperature dropped overnight. Wife turned off the heat and blasted the AC in the middle of the night too. I thought I was gonna freeze to death in the shower.

  15. 15.

    Schlemazel

    @Hal:
    A man of his immense will power, drive and determination could power his way through the diarrhea, vomiting and pain of overeating after a bypass! It’s yet another reason this great American deserves to be our President!

  16. 16.

    Derelict

    We laugh, we poke fun. Yet, at least one of these asshats will actually have a shot at being President of the United States. And he (or, unlikely, she) will have a Republican Congress and a Republican Supreme Court as backup.

    Ha, ha. Yuk, yuk.

    If you thought 8 years of Bush was a soul-crushing experience, you’ll be pining for February of 2006 in short order if one of these clodpates gets elected. So get ready to get out the vote to prevent this tsunami of stupid from washing over the country.

  18. 18.

    Schlemazel

    @Derelict:
    Too true, but when you are on the deck of the TItanic all you can do is laugh. We struck the iceberg in the 80s, the 90’s were when the back half righted itself for a moment & people thought “Hey, maybe we will get through this OK after all”. Now we are just listening to Nearer My God to Thee and waiting for the sweet release.

  19. 19.

    ThresherK

    @NotMax: Hey, thanks for the wine advice re beef bourgignon last nite. I’ll see what I get for the next time I try the recipe. Early results are encouraging*, with some deep, complex flavors that I didn’t know I could get in the fairly short time involved.

    (*And I mean even more encouraging than “Yum, beef stew on a Friday night during a hellishly cold winter.”)

  20. 20.

    ThresherK

    PS I don’t follow CPAC so closely, and am indebted to those who do for me.

    That said, I have no idea who “Frosty Freeze” is (unless he’s a cartoon villain who, in real life, is a mild-mannered, but totally not creepy, Good Humor man), but his parents really shoulda thought that through.

    How much pantsing did he suffer on the playground from his name, and how has that permanent damage led him to his leadership role on the right today?

  22. 22.

    aimai

    @ThresherK: Foster Friess is a really, really, scary rich guy–the one who advised women to keep an asprin between their knees in order not to get pregnant.

    Thank you, AL, btw, for this long post. I’ve been avoiding CPAC and I loved being able to get the roundup here.

  26. 26.

    mai naem

    @ThresherK: Foster Freedumb is the aspirin between the legs form of birth control guy. I think he was Rick Santorum’s sugar daddy in 2012. He’s a finance/hedgefund kind of guy.

  27. 27.

    OzarkHillbilly

    @aimai:

    the one who advised women to keep an asprin between their knees in order not to get pregnant.

    I have heard that holding an aspirin between one’s teeth cures diarrhea of the mouth. He should try it.

  31. 31.

    ThresherK

    @mai naem:
    @aimai:

    Now that you mention it, I remember the “aspirin as birth control*” bit, but forgot his name.

    It takes saying something that stupid to forget a name like that.

    (*I can imagine my people, the humorless Germans at Bayer, who once had a trademark for Aspirin, saying “No, that’s not how our invention works at all!).

  33. 33.

    WereBear

    I loved the lineup!

    I needed the chuckles, trust me. Mid-week I got smacked by a trooper car who I did not see coming. I believe he had just lit up the roof when he smacked into me.

    As I’ve said around town, “When your husband is sitting beside you and says there was nothing you could have done to avoid this accident… there’s nothing you could have done.”

    NO ONE WAS HURT.

  34. 34.

    ellennellee

    @OzarkHillbilly:

    au contraire, and even better:

    Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof

    not quite sure how much clearer that separation can get than this.

  38. 38.

    Schlemazel

    @ellennellee:
    There is only one valid amendment to the constitution, the second. And even that is only 50% valid, just the second half, the first half was inserted by liberal judges trying to legislate from the bench!!!

  39. 39.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    Vodka and Sprite? “Cocktails” designed by middle-schoolers daring each other to try things from the liquor cabinet?

  40. 40.

    WereBear

    @Baud: Having lived in Florida, I have a feeling they did. Did one of those fossils have its foot crushing a human skull?

    ‘Cause that kind of “whoopsie” is so Florida. Provided they brought it on their ownself.

  44. 44.

    Kay

    Republicans had another disaster in the House yesterday. They had to cancel the vote on the Elementary and Secondary Education Act Reauthorization bill. They had too much opposition in their own ranks.

    It’s the exact same bill the GOP House passed in 2012, but the House is now more conservative so they had to pull it in this big dramatic implosion.

    I personally don’t care- their bill was horrible- but it means Congress won’t get it done (again) so the executive branch will continue to work around NCLB (which everyone admits doesn’t work) which means the executive branch is essentially both drafting and executing laws.

    Congress really can’t complain that more and more power goes to the executive. It happens again and again because they can’t pass laws. This particular rewrite is seven years past deadline for reauthorization.

  45. 45.

    Baud

    @Kay:

    Right. Obama spent much of his presidency practically begging Congress to do its job. All the critisms about executive overreach are truly laughable.

  47. 47.

    debbie

    I listened to Sean Hannity interviewing Donald Trump while driving home from work last night. It was like that scene in old movies where two tough guys talk tough until there’s a shadow at the end of the alley. They turn and run for the hills, and the shadow turns out to be a little kitten looking for food.

  48. 48.

    debbie

    @Kay:

    With only a month in power, it’s not GOP vs. Democrats. It’s GOP vs. GOP. Who’d have thought this was possible? Somewhere, Lee Atwater is weeping.

  49. 49.

    Zinsky

    @Kay: interesting tidbit, one more data point that shows modern Republicans are some of the most confused and conflicted politicians in American history! Thanks,

  51. 51.

    Botsplainer

    Does anybody actually plan to watch that awful looking Will Forte sitcom I keep seeing advertised?

  52. 52.

    Kay

    @Baud:

    It’s been fun to throw it up to conservative lawyers here because they were absolutely spitting mad at the Obama action on immigration. Some of them are anti- immigration, but the rest of them were strutting around yelling about “process!”

    Now I just tell them to pass a law. They’re honest enough to admit that would be one solution the GOP-led Congress could consider.

    Obama threatened a veto on the House version of the ed bill . He doesn’t even have to bother. They can’t get their own members on board.

  54. 54.

    Botsplainer

    Also, I wonder about how many hot MlLFs bored with flabby, pasty white conservative husbands attended the Project Veritas cocktail party in the hopes of getting roofied by some college republican frat boy and taken to a boat somewhere for some 50 Shades style transported bliss.

  56. 56.

    OzarkHillbilly

    @raven: Ah got it. Nah, that was about 40-50 miles south and west of me (I live in Washington Co), tho I have spent a considerable amount of time in Shannon and Texas counties. But yeah, those are “my people”….ack gack hack… Sorry, that last part caught in my throat for some reason or other.

  57. 57.

    Kay

    @debbie:

    They’re blaming it on the distraction of the homeland security funding mess- they couldn’t concentrate or something because the Homeland wasn’t secure- so they’re now pointing to one disaster to explain another.

  59. 59.

    Botsplainer

    @debbie:

    My thing is that Will Forte was one of the least funny cast members of SNL, and was generally in a supporting role in the skits. No presence, no charisma, and as I understand it, this show is all him.

    He must have video of a stoned Rupert blowing a dead male goat and being frustrated by the lack of response.

  60. 60.

    aimai

    @ThresherK: A trick I learned to increase umami in things like coq au vin and boeuf bourgignon is to either burn the roux to an almost dark chestnut color or to burn some sugar (caramelize it to the black) and then make your roux on top of that. Many recipes also call for adding a little brandy or ccognac at the earliest stage of searing the meat and then flaming it. All of these will create a long simmered, umami, flavor that would otherwise be lacking if you rushed the process.

  61. 61.

    Schlemazel

    @Baud: ASSUMING FACTS NOT IN EVIDENCE! The people they are talking to have no clue that the GOP is their own problem & so the just “know” that Kenyan Muslim usurper is trying to be king.

    @debbie:
    Weeping at the fact that the rubes will not leave the real GOP in peace so they can continue to enrich the rich and impoverish the rest of us.

  63. 63.

    Tenar Darell

    @debbie: While he roasts in the fires of hell? (Don’t believe in it, but certainly enjoy imagining some villains in it /evil grin).

  65. 65.

    Schlemazel

    @aimai:
    I’m OK with a very very dark roux but burn? NEVER! Burnt roux tastes terrible. Just take the extra time to reach a chocolate color, if black bits start showing up the roux is not going to be good. I’d say the same for sugar though some people like the bitterness from burnt sugar.

  66. 66.

    Robert

    Ya know, If these folks haven’t scared ya enough, I will do it for them…think about any one of these ummm, candidates with their finger on our NUCLEAR button….there, now, I can go back under my bed and cozy up to the dogs and dust bunnies…

  67. 67.

    gelfling545

    @Hal: You know, I wondered about that. A family member had one last year (he has thyroid & liver issues) & dropped weight in weeks and now, a year later is slim, trim & healthier. In fact they cautioned him about observing for losing weight too quickly at first. I don’t understand how Christie hasn’t seen better results than he seems to. Of course everybody’s metabolism is different but still it hardly seems worth going through it for the results Christie has had.

  69. 69.

    Kay

    @WereBear:

    It was interesting to watch though because the media who follow that specific policy (it’s like a not-very-famous subset of specialized reporters) got it so wrong. They seemed genuinely surprised that it imploded. They thought this WAS something Congress would accomplish.

    It’s not over. Patty Murray is the lead Dem in the Senate and she has to work with Lamar Alexander. He put forth a Senate version with no Dem input which went nowhere, but now they say they are back in negotiations. Her personal “brand” seems to be “gets stuff done” so maybe she’ll make progress.

  72. 72.

    WereBear

    @Kay: They seemed genuinely surprised that it imploded. They thought this WAS something Congress would accomplish.

    I can’t see this bunch able to do anything of the kind. It’s like building a house and all the blueprints say is “The President is black!”

  78. 78.

    Bystander

    I noticed that one of their repeated talking points was that even Obama has admitted “22 times” that his executive order was unconstitutional and therefore all three branches are in agreement, so the order must be gutted.

    I’m guessing this is their interpretation of Obama’s challenge to the Zippy Pinheads that if they don’t like his order, take action and present a bill. Not that he ever says that what he is doing is unconstitutional. In fact he has taken pains to show that his order is similar to orders previously issued by Reagan and Bush.

    Another reason why they won’t nominate Jebula: As much as they admire his wife Cujo for attempting to smuggle French-made couture across the border and defraud the federal government, they don’t want a second offbreed in the WH. Too soon.

  79. 79.

    Kay

    @WereBear:

    There seems to be a real yearning to maintain the idea that there’s some possibility that Congress might work with just the right approach or something.

    I tend to think it’s because these people- Congress, staff, and the reporters who follow what they do- are essentially co-workers. They know one another. Maybe as individuals they are decent or well-intentioned or hardworking or whatever.

  80. 80.

    WereBear

    @Bystander: They have lost all sense of sense at this point. Not that they ever understood it in the first place.

    After much informal study, I truly believe they “think” with their brain stem.

  81. 81.

    Baud

    @Kay:

    They seemed genuinely surprised that it imploded. They thought this WAS something Congress would accomplish.

    Hope springs eternal when it comes to the media and Republicans.

  83. 83.

    Baud

    @Kay:

    I don’t agree. I don’t think that if Congress was in Democratic hands and was this dysfunctional, the press would be far more cynical.

  84. 84.

    WereBear

    @Kay: From my admittedly more distant vantage point, I think it’s denial.

    Sure, we Juicers are completely on board with the realization that one of the major political parties has completely lost their programming and is blinking SHUTDOWN in a vain attempt to reboot. But they are not.

    But it’s reached the point where the country has had a massive stroke, lost the use of their left side (because that part of the brain is on the right) so they can still write legibly and drive a car but they just can’t figure out why they keep falling over and how long it now takes to dress themselves.

  85. 85.

    Schlemazel

    @aimai:
    Agreed about the carmel, in some things it is not bad but a little goes a long way for me. I have never oven roasted the flour when I make roux, I’ll have to try that thanks. Maybe if I didn’t need to stand & stir for an hour I’d make darker rouxs more oftern

  87. 87.

    Mike J

    @Baud:

    I don’t agree. I don’t think that if Congress was in Democratic hands and was this dysfunctional, the press would be far more cynical.

    Nah, they’d be telling us how good it was that Joe Manchin is saving us from the evil Kenyan occupying the White House. And that would be the “mainstream” news.

  88. 88.

    NotMax

    @gelfling545

    Go back and look at pictures of him prior to having the surgery. Not that it is any of my business, but would guesstimate he’s dropped at least a hundred pounds since then. He’s hardly svelte, but there is definitely less of him.

    @ellennellee

    Note that that part of the 1st amendment applies to Congress, not to the government in toto. You’re aware there are three branches of government, presumably.

    And yes, for the record, am firmly in Jefferson’s camp of there being by both design and necessity an immutable wall.

  91. 91.

    bemused

    @Baud:

    Last night Rachel Maddow said the Republicans rushed to book themselves on the Sunday news shows. They did this before the end of the night DHS funding extension bill was done.

  92. 92.

    Betty Cracker

    @Schlemazel: I’ve oven roasted roux with success a few times. It’s an especially helpful technique when you’re trying to coordinate a bunch of dishes simultaneously and might otherwise fuck up the roux by being inattentive.

  95. 95.

    Kay

    @Baud:

    I don’t think “cynical” is the problem. They have enough of that. I think there’s a reluctance to admit that relationships matter to people and influence their thinking and actions.

    My own leaning would be to admit that and roll it in: assume it’s operating because being aware of it is really important. There’s the prickly defensiveness about “professionalism” that seems like over-compensating to me. They work with these people. They know some of them and like them. That shades what they write. If you think Lamar Alexander is a great guy and “serious” about education you might not notice that he seems to have some basic misunderstandings, based on some of what he’s said so far in this particular area. My sense is he hasn’t really dived into this since 1993 or something.

  96. 96.

    Frankensteinbeck

    @WereBear: and @Kay:
    I think it’s because their social/professional group is dominated by 80s ‘Reagan Democrats’, and that creates their group’s preconceptions. They honestly believe that Republican policies are mature and responsible. They think, for example, that the social safety net encourages laziness, so the tough but adult thing to do is to cut it off, like a stern father*. Since they believe Republican polices are mature and responsible, it follows that Republicans are mature and responsible. When Republicans are in charge, surely they will behave in a mature and responsible way. The media desperately searches for proof of this, and is gobsmacked when it doesn’t happen.

    *This is actually the philosophy of abusers, not mature adults.

  97. 97.

    Kay

    @Frankensteinbeck:

    I agree with that. It’s more than media though. It’s prevalent among “centrist” rank and file Democrats.

    One of the saddest thing to me about being a Democrat is when Democrats say “even Republicans agree with X, Y or Z!”

    Republicans haven’t pointed to Democrats for validation and legitimacy since they coined “Reagan Democrats” and “Reagan Democrats” have now been Republicans for 30 years. I just call them “Republicans”. It’s less complicated and more accurate.

  98. 98.

    Kay

    @Baud:

    I think there is no more hurtful charge to a “serious” person than incompetence, so give it time :)

    You can be a complete asshole, wrong about everything or even truly evil but “serious” and as long as you’re not perceived as “incompetent” in execution you’re okay.

    My favorite part of the Bush implosion was watching all those puffed-up “executives” with their hurt feelings and giant egos frantically trying to project competence.

    Dick Cheney is the fucking master of this charade. It’s the key to his whole career.

  99. 99.

    Ruckus

    For some reason much of #CPAC15 carries the faint odor of gas station nachos
    That smell is not the actual nachos, that’s the after effects of the nachos. And it’s not that faint an odor either.

  100. 100.

    Frankensteinbeck

    @Kay:
    Their philosophy is based on them being the mature adults who know what’s really good for everyone, unlike childish idealists who want to be straightforwardly kind. It insults the Hell out of them to imply that they don’t know better than everyone else, and that’s also why they react in every other way except evaluating whether they might be wrong.

    And yeah, Cheney is the King of Abusive Narcissists. He’s been thoroughly pissed at America since the late Bush years that we don’t understand he’s always right about everything, no matter what the facts are.

  101. 101.

    Ruckus

    @Frankensteinbeck:
    They can’t be wrong! The just CAN’T be. Their whole world view rotates around them being the adults in the room, the ones in somber power suits and all the ideas. But it’s all the 4th grade school play (with adult props) and the teacher has arranged for them to actually take over the city government for a day. So they act serious but screw up everything. Like Boxing day on a continuous loop.

  105. 105.

    JGabriel

    @NotMax:

    Going for the record on tweets?

    “separation of church and state is not in the Constitution”

    Neither is net neutrality.

    Which, to be fair, Santorum is also against. Ricky Ass-Froth is stupid on multiple fronts.

  106. 106.

    Tree With Water

    “I’m pretty sure there’s no way american politics could get any more retarded”.

    I felt much the same hope once, when I was younger so much younger than today.. That hope was extinguished the first Tuesday in November, 1980. RIP.

  107. 107.

    Howard Beale IV

    @Kay: Mehtinks It’s time to come up with the “Howard Beale IV” thorem:

    “People who are politically wrong within the pundit class rarely face significant personal consequences.

    Corollary: Citizens within the government who successfully identify wrongdoing in whatever administration is in power will be unilaterally destroyed by the government in order to hide the complicity of the government which allowed such egregious behavior to occur unchecked in the first place, using the most flimsiest defenses (“State Secrets) to hide their true actions.”

  109. 109.

    DissidentFish

    Iced Tea and Tequila is now a Ted Cruz? Seriously? I used to drink a lot of those at school. My suite mates dubbed it a “Dude, You Have Drinking Problem.”

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