Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Celebrate the fucking wins.

There is no compromise when it comes to body autonomy. You either have it or you do not.

Republicans cannot even be trusted with their own money.

They punch you in the face and then start crying because their fist hurts.

Seems like a complicated subject, have you tried yelling at it?

Republicans want to make it harder to vote and easier for them to cheat.

Incompetence, fear, or corruption? why not all three?

Anne Laurie is a fucking hero in so many ways. ~ Betty Cracker

Is it irresponsible to speculate? It is irresponsible not to.

Books are my comfort food!

The desire to stay informed is directly at odds with the need to not be constantly enraged.

They fucked up the fucking up of the fuckup!

When they say they are pro-life, they do not mean yours.

Let me eat cake. The rest of you could stand to lose some weight, frankly.

T R E 4 5 O N

Republicans: slavery is when you own me. freedom is when I own you.

Optimism opens the door to great things.

It’s the corruption, stupid.

Let the trolls come, and then ignore them. that’s the worst thing you can do to a troll.

Nothing worth doing is easy.

Technically true, but collectively nonsense

Second rate reporter says what?

Republicans do not trust women.

People really shouldn’t expect the government to help after they watched the GOP drown it in a bathtub.

You are here: Home / Putin In His Place

Putin In His Place

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Apparently Vladimir Putin has hopped on his trusty bear steed and has ridden off into the Siberian spring for some me time, because the Kremlin seems to have accidentally misplaced him.

Everyone has their off days, but when you’re the proudly virile and uncontested leader of one of the most-watched countries in the world, your days off make people nervous. Russian President Vladimir Putin hasn’t been seen for days, and now people are beginning to wonder why.

On Thursday, Putin’s spokesman announced that the president would not attend a meeting with the Federal Security Service (FSB), which he usually attends. But no, Putin was “absolutely” healthy, Dmitry Peskov told Russia’s Ekho Moskvy, before adding that the president’s handshake was so strong it could  “break your hand.”

Putin’s absence at the FSB meeting comes just a day after he unexpectedly canceled a trip to Kazakhstan. “The visit has been canceled. It looks like he [Putin] has fallen ill,” an anonymous Kazakh official told Reuters afterward, prompting a flurry of  speculation.

To make matters more confusing, on Wednesday the Kremlin released an image of Putin meeting with the regional governor of Karelia. But local Web site Vesti Karelii reported that Putin actually had met with the head of the Republic of Karelia, Alexander Khudilainen, on March 4. In fact,RBC.ru reports that a number of events posted by the Kremlin appeared to have been recycled from earlier events. If this is correct, the last time Putin was seen in public may have been March 5, when he met the Italian prime minister in Moscow.

Getting worked up by an absence of a few days may seem silly, but these things happen in authoritarian regimes: North Korea’s Kim Jong Un disappeared for weeks last year, intriguing the world. In that case, Kim later reappeared with no real explanation and continued going about his business as usual (don’t be surprised if that happens in Russia, too). Russia isn’t North Korea, but it’s still an intensely personalized political system. Little of political substance happens without Putin’s personal approval, and it’s hard to imagine how the country would respond if he really were sick.

Possible locations of Vladimir Putin:

  • Undercover as a Starbucks barista in Des Moines
  • Arctic hunting trip to punch baby seals to death
  • Camping out at the Apple Store in NYC trying to get that $10k watch
  • John Cole’s kitchen, making waffles
  • Fighting time-traveling Nazis with Joe Biden (has anyone seen Joe Biden?)
  • Taco Tuesday in the GRU cafeteria
  • Center of the earth dino safari
  • I don’t know, over there or something
  • In his dacha playing Assassin’s Creed: Rogue all week
  • Personally liberating Crimea from Ukraine, by himself, with muscles
  • Under your bed RIGHT NOW
  • Ditching Moscow for SXSW
  • He’s really there, he’s just been wearing Groucho glasses and nobody recognizes him
  • Your mom would know where Putin is right now, bam!
  • Lost it when he heard about Leonard Nimoy and won’t get out of bed
  • Invisible Ghost Putin From Beyond The Grave
  • Has anyone checked the attic in the Kremlin?
  • On location filming Sharknado 3

Where do you guys think he is?

Reader Interactions

150Comments

  2. 2.

    Betty Cracker

    This Putin is no more. He has ceased to be. He’s expired and gone to meet his maker. This is a late Putin. He’s a stiff. Bereft of life, he rests in peace. If you hadn’t nailed him to the trusty bear steed, he would be pushing up the daisies. He’s rung down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir invisible. This is an ex-Putin…

    Maybe Robert Kraft will get one of his many Superb Owl rings back now.

  3. 3.

    Snarki, child of Loki

    Those are all crazy suggestions. Except for the waffles and Sharknado 3.

    My bet is “establishing an alibi for the next outrage”.

    Hey, wait…has anyone ever seen Putin and Terry Pratchett at the same time?

    Perhaps Putin got pulled back to Ankh-Morpork.

  4. 4.

    Repatriated

    We know where he is. He’s in the area around Tikrit and Baghdad and east, west, south, and north somewhat….

  5. 5.

    sparrow

    Putin is an unrepentant asshole, like a lot of world leaders, but I’m not even going to pretend to know enough about international politics to know if it would actually be better if he were dead. But the situation in Russia sucks for a lot of people. I pessimistically assume whoever follows Putin will be no better, and possibly worse.

  7. 7.

    SRW1

    If you’re blue and you don’t know where to go to
    Why don’t you go where fashion sits,
    Putin on the ritz.

  9. 9.

    ThresherK

    (Putin) fighting time-traveling Nazis…

    Isn’t there an unwritten rule of sci-fi which states that Bad Guys from any era in history who time-travel to the years 1932-1945 somehow always end up with the Axis powers, and Heroes automagically end up with the Allies?

    I’m sure it applies when the Nazis time-travel.

  11. 11.

    Repatriated

    @ThresherK: In this case it does, because Russians. Although to be period-correct, in Soviet Russia, Nazis time travel to fight YOU.

  13. 13.

    ExurbanMom

    I think Sarah, Proud and Tall is on an extended visit to Moscow. And you all know what kinds of trouble she brings with her…particularly of the pharmaceutical variety. My guess is a several days’ long bender with Sarah would take some time from which to recuperate.

  14. 14.

    Botsplainer

    I’m going with “coming off a krokodil binge, because he thought he was tough enough to handle it without having all that unfortunate tissue loss”.

  16. 16.

    JGabriel

    Zandar @ Top:

    Possible locations of Vladimir Putin:

    • Commiserating with Bibi Netanyahu in secret luxurious Crimean bunker about how they could rule America if only Obama would step out of the way and let Republicans do what they want.

  17. 17.

    ThresherK

    @Repatriated: Nah, I’m going with “authoritarians stick together”*. But I can be persuaded, if you give me a time-travel story in which “a self-determined people v. an authoritarian regime” is landed on by Space Nazis (or the like) who don’t automatically side with the evil.

    (*No matter that they were enemies after the non-agression pact was broken.)

  27. 27.

    japa21

    I don’t know where is his, but I understand the Russian equivalent of the Secret Service is hitting all the car dealerships looking for his double.

  30. 30.

    JPL

    Manly men don’t need to tell the peons what’s up.
    This isn’t Putin’s first time to disappear and it probably won’t be his last time.

  31. 31.

    Matt

    Headline-writers everywhere secretly hope he’s having a mental breakdown, so they can finally run that “PUTIN ON THE FRITZ” frontpage they’ve always dreamed of. ;)

  34. 34.

    scav

    @Botsplainer: Botox has already been suspected for some bruising about the eyes once plus some time-travelling-in-R facial smoothing I read somewhere.

  37. 37.

    kbuttle

    @Woodrowfan:

    That doesn’t mean he’s not in a room somewhere with Boehner and Ron Dermer planning a speech to all his fanboys in Congress and the broader Conservative movement. C’mon, the guy’s Bibi with pecs and abs!

  43. 43.

    D58826

    well I’m sure he isn’t here

    Svelbard Islands discourages visitors for freezing solar eclipse next week. Hotels are full and polar bears on the prowl

  45. 45.

    japa21

    I am pretty sure that the WH has a pretty good idea what is going on with Putin. And if he is incpacitated, I wonder if there are some backdoor talks going on.

  46. 46.

    Yatsuno

    If the real answer doesn’t involve some amazingly good drugs and sexual escapades, I will be forever disappoint. Or as someone mentioned above, Sister Sarah is visiting.

    Oh wait, maybe he’s being neighbourly and went to visit the Palins and got involved in a drunken brawl!

  51. 51.

    Cervantes

    @Yatsuno:

    If the real answer doesn’t involve some amazingly good drugs and sexual escapades, I will be forever [disappointed].

    You will be? Just imagine how he will feel.

  55. 55.

    NCSteve

    Two additional possibilities:

    1. In a Secure Undisclosed Location with Dick Cheney, whacking off to the stash of real torture porn Dick used to keep in that big safe in his office.

    2. In the conservatory with the lead pipe.

  56. 56.

    SFAW

    Having a “Baps-off” with Chelsea Handler?
    Visiting Houston (or wherever that Asshole lives) so that W can look into his eyes and see his soul?
    Workshopping it with Cheney?
    Had a wrestle with Aleksandr Karelin, and things got outta hand, and now they’re vacationing on Lake Baikal?
    Training with Garry Kasparov so that he can challenge Bobby Fischer, and thus avenge Spassky’s loss?
    Over at Reince’s place?

  57. 57.

    Violet

    @SFAW:

    Visiting Houston (or wherever that Asshole lives) so that W can look into his eyes and see his soul?

    W lives in Dallas. His dad lives in Houston.

  58. 58.

    evodevo

    Uh, I still remember the USSR in the early ’80’s, and the song and dance that went on with Andropov and Chernenko !! That time period gave the phrase “merely has a cold” a bad connotation.

  59. 59.

    max

    According to the Swiss papers, Putin’s girlfriend is checked in at a private maternity clinic. That’s a leak from inside the clinic.

    max
    [‘A russian couple checked in with two rooms – one for them and one for the bodyguards.’]

  60. 60.

    jimmiraybob

    I’m putting my money on secret meetings with Tom Cotton and the GOP senators. He, being a strong leader, would obviously start out at the top of the Teapublican field in 2016.

  61. 61.

    WereBear

    @scav: Mmmm. Botox can go wrong and make parts of your face slide off like a candle in the back window of a car in Florida.

    Hard to fix that. Have to let it wear off.

    Also, stress & Bell’s palsy, while I’m on the subject of Dorian Gray… when the picture strikes back.

    I’m trying to think of things that he couldn’t exhibit, lest it undermine his superhuman persona.

  63. 63.

    Amir Khalid

    Look for Putin in a photo of a Moscow crowd. You’ll find him wearing black-rimmed glasses and a sweater with red and white stripes.

  66. 66.

    SFAW

    @Violet:

    Thanks. Dallas it is. (I have no great love for Poppy, but wouldn’t call him Asshole. Nor any of the other epithets I might use regarding his drunkard son.)

  68. 68.

    Doug

    A friend actually saw Biden (ok, telltale signs that the VP was visiting) in the US Virgin Islands this week. Not a bad place to leave Moscow for in mid-March.

  69. 69.

    Roger Moore

    @SFAW:

    (I have no great love for Poppy, but wouldn’t call him Asshole. Nor any of the other epithets I might use regarding his drunkard son.)

    I might be inclined to call him an awful parent to spoiled children, though. I might be willing to forgive him one awful child; any family can have a problem child. But three children as awful as JEB!, W, and Neil are a sign of flawed parenting.

  71. 71.

    Amir Khalid

    Off topic:
    Slate says to note this moment: March 14, 2015, 9:26.53am. Something to do with a made-up occasion called Pi Day. (By the way, there is no Pi Day in international date format.)

  72. 72.

    Germy Shoemangler

    @Roger Moore: I remember Mario Cuomo debated Poppy. Poppy kept calling him Mario through the debate. Every other sentence began with “Mario” accompanied with the slightest of Bush family smirks. After the debate, Cuomo told the press he felt it was bigotry; that Poppy was amused to be sharing a stage with an eye-talian.

    Poppy as a child used to play tricks on the staff. He’d take a dollar bill, tie a string to it, and hide. Wait for the staff to bend down to pick it up, then he’d yank it away.

    Poppy is not “the good one” he’s just one in a long chain of clueless and cruel assholes.

  74. 74.

    srv

    It will be a sad day when the guy who was right about Iraq, Libya, Egypt and Syria has passed.

  75. 75.

    kindness

    OMG I can’t believe none of you have caught on yet.

    Putin is with Hillary. They are scheming on their impending take over of the world.

  76. 76.

    Belafon

    Reading through this summary of the FCC rules on internet regulation. The majority said that one of the things driving their decision was the rather unprecidented 4 Million people who wrote in. The minority wrote that the majority only listened to Obama and that it was a partison decision.

    ODS at the FCC.

  77. 77.

    SFAW

    @Roger Moore:

    Of course, it could be Babs. I can see her not wanting to clutter her beautiful mind with things like teaching kids not to be self-centered, amoral assholes. Doesn’t absolve Poppy, but in those days, it was still usually the Mom doing most of the heavy lifting re: child-rearing. And everything I’ve ever read re: Babs indicates that she’s a “piece of work,” as you hipsters say.

  78. 78.

    Origuy

    I said “hiking the Urals Trail” yesterday. I have a Russian friend who posts a lot on FB, so I see a lot of the Russian media. I don’t read enough Russian to understand most of it and the BIng translator is terrible, but I can get the gist.
    I’ve seen speculations of a coup. Someone else said that he had a bad Botox injection. Here’s the link to the Swiss article about the girlfriend in the maternity ward.

  79. 79.

    SFAW

    @srv:

    It will be a sad day when the guy who was right about Iraq, Libya, Egypt and Syria has passed.

    What, is Little Billy Kristol sick?

    Oh, wait – you said “right about.” My bad.

  80. 80.

    Amir Khalid

    @Origuy:
    I clicked on that link and a popup invited me: “Liken Sie Blick auf Facebook.”

    Liken is a German verb now. Mein Gott.

  82. 82.

    Elizabelle

    Honeymoon w Miley Cyrus. Special performance of “Fifty Ways to Leave Your Kremlin.” World Bonkers but Buff Tour to follow.

  83. 83.

    Matt McIrvin

    @SFAW: The elder George Bush was smart and competent, but he was a real bastard. The stuff that went on during the 1988 presidential campaign (particularly Willie Horton and the Pledge of Allegiance attack), and the puffing and preening he did over the ’91 Gulf War, are proof enough of that for me. It was politically effective, and it was things no decent person should do.

  84. 84.

    SFAW

    @Matt McIrvin:
    Not sure I blame Poppy overly much for Willie Horton – wasn’t that Atwater and crew? (Yes, I realize if he wanted to kill it, he could have.) Don’t recall the Pledge thing.

    “Puffing and preening” over the Gulf War? I must be getting old (oh, wait, I am), but I’m not clear on what you’re talking about.

  86. 86.

    boatboy_srq

    He went through the wardrobe in the spare room, found Narnia, met Jadis the White Witch, killed her and took her place. He’s now busy skinning a lion for a rug and beavers for a fur coat.

  87. 87.

    dr. luba

    I’ve been seeing rumors of pancreatic cancer in the Ukrainian press for a while, but I assumed it was just wishful thinking…….. I figured it was Botox, or a nip and tuck, gone bad. Can’t have the manly man looking anything but his best–it would be a sign of weakness.

  88. 88.

    SFAW

    @Matt McIrvin:

    As a follow-up (because FYWP won’t let me edit my own damn comment): I certainly blame Poppy for popularizing the idea that “L-L-L-l-l-l-l-l-l-iberal” was a dirty word. As the saying goes, politics ain’t beanbag, but he and Newt deserve a special place in Hell for their demonization of anything Not Like Them.

  89. 89.

    Sloegin

    He’s busy combing thru all that Clinton email. 30 thousand messages takes FOREVER to read.

  90. 90.

    Matt McIrvin

    @SFAW: His son’s “Mission Accomplished” act was basically a cartoon version of his dad’s macho swaggering over having “kicked a little Baghdad… bully.” He publicly congratulated himself for having killed the “Vietnam syndrome,” as if learning from mistakes were some sort of psychological disorder.

    As for the Pledge, there had been one of those cases in Massachusetts in which a girl had refused to say the Pledge of Allegiance in school, got in trouble with idiot school authorities, and pressed the case (garnering the usual truckload of outrage and death threats, including some choice antisemitic ones as I recall). Michael Dukakis had spoken up in defense of her obvious constitutional rights. Bush went around asking what kind of problem the Governor had with the Pledge of Allegiance. The usual stuff.

  91. 91.

    gene108

    I hired Vlad to do help me with filing. A purely temporary thing. I just have two years of payroll files, invoice files, and HR files piled up and we need to get it boxed and in storage. The fire marshal said my office is a fire hazard.

    Vlad’s feeling a bit bad about the press he’s getting and needed to a breather. He’s shorter than I thought he’d be.

    I wouldn’t call him nice. I think he’s the kind of guy, who got into plenty of fist-a-cuffs as an adult, but those guys in the U.S. usually have done some jail time for fighting, even if it’s just a day or two in county. The ones Vlad’s age don’t want to go back into the system. Edit: Vlad just doesn’t seem to give a shit, as if the cops wouldn’t mess with him.

    He kind of eyes me when I tell him what to do and I think “damn is his going to cut me”, but thankfully he keeps his sullen head down and keeps filing.

    Though I’m second guessing let him box up the HR files. When I walk in on him to check his progress, I swear I hear click and that sound you hear when you would manually advance a roll of film, as if he’s using a microfilm camera to steal the “data” in the HR files.

    Anyway, I think he’ll be back in Moscow on Monday. I don’t have any more work for him after this weekend.

  92. 92.

    Citizen_X

    @ExurbanMom:

    My guess is a several days’ long bender with Sarah would take some time from which to recuperate.

    Insert Drug Collection List from Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas here.

  93. 93.

    japa21

    @SFAW: Actually, I hold Dukakis as responsible for the demonization of the word liberal. Kennedy had an answer for that attack way back when and Dukakis could have come out the same. Talk about what being a liberal meant and talk about being proud to be a liberal. But he never tried to respond to it which was basically perceived as accepting that the “L” word was bad.

    And it has gotten worse since then, to the degree you hear progressive more than liberal nowadays. Conservatives proudly where the label, even if they have corrupted the meaning of the word. Whether the word is liberal or progressive, there isn’t much of a pride element, at least among the Dem politicians, about beloning to that group.

  94. 94.

    SFAW

    @Matt McIrvin:

    The Pledge thing was in Newton, I think. I actually recall it, albeit vaguely (i.e., when it happened, not when Bush pulled that on Dukakis).

  95. 95.

    Cervantes

    @Matt McIrvin:

    “What is it about the Pledge of Allegiance that upsets him so much?”

    Dukakis, as Governor in 1977, and pursuant to an advisory opinion issued by the state Supreme Judicial Court, had vetoed a bill that would have forced teachers to lead their classes in reciting the Pledge.

  97. 97.

    SFAW

    @japa21:

    Actually, I hold Dukakis as responsible for the demonization of the word liberal. Kennedy had an answer for that attack way back when and Dukakis could have come out the same.

    And Gilliard was probably too young.

    And, I am inordinately bothered by the candy-asses who are a-skeered of calling themselves “liberal.” They’re not Collaborators (in the WW2-France sense of the word), but they have nothing to be proud of.

  98. 98.

    gene108

    The two things I remember about the 1988 campaign were making liberal a dirty word and making being part of the ACLU an ungodly, un-American activity.

    Willy Horton did not play, where I lived. I only heard about it because talking heads kept repeating on the news, i.e. giving Bush, Sr. free advertising.

    When I was old enough to vote, in 1992, I was impressed that Clinton did not let the demagoguery kill his message.

  99. 99.

    germy shoemangler

    @gene108: I remember “liberal” was becoming synonymous for effete hypocrite. I remember lots of interviews back in the ’70s with folks on the left saying “liberals” were upper-middle class phonies. Remember Phil Ochs singing “Love Me I’m A Liberal”?

    But it all coalesced in 88,

  100. 100.

    SFAW

    @gene108:

    making being part of the ACLU an ungodly, un-American activity.

    As it should be.

    You do realize, don’t you, that the full name of the ACLU is “Alinksy-ites, Commies, Lie-berals Unite!”? And it was founded by George Soros.

    ETA: Some wiseacres say that the “A” is for “Atheists,” but that’s wrong. Well, actually, it started that way, but recent events …

  101. 101.

    scav

    All I can see now is his Putintude tucking himself away to properly preen, prep and pose for for his final golden closeup: Putin-c’mon in his full resplendency. I blame too much archaeology, well, that and the Motel of the Mysteries more like.

  107. 107.

    Mnemosyne (iPhone)

    @Repatriated:

    It turns out that it is NOT an urban legend that Nikita Khruschev really, really wanted to visit Disneyland when he toured the US in 1959. The Secret Service felt that they would not be able to guarantee his safety, so only Mrs. Khruschev and their daughter were allowed to go.

    Fun book about Khruschev’s 1959 visit: “K Blows Top!”

  108. 108.

    Tree With Water

    Thank god our constitutional republic is constructed in such a fashion that the forms and functions of government are assured continuity, leastwise so long as the Clinton-Bush dynasties are here to guide us.

  110. 110.

    shortstop

    @SFAW: By all accounts, they were both remarkably unengaged parents. I suspect most of the parenting in that house consisted of harassed and underpaid staff doing the best they could, with the senior Bushes occasionally stepping in to pose for holiday/vacation photos, make excuses for the boys having set things on fire and–just to be sure the servile class always knows its place–instruct the staff not to discipline the kids in any way that counts.

  111. 111.

    mdblanche

    @SFAW:

    Training with Garry Kasparov so that he can challenge Bobby Fischer, and thus avenge Spassky’s loss?

    Unlikely. Kasparov has been one of Putin’s more vocal critics.

  114. 114.

    Villago Delenda Est

    @gene108: One thing that H.W. did do for the ACLU was force them to create a membership card, because they got so many requests from people who wanted to be the “card carrying” members of the ACLU that Poppy spoke of.

  115. 115.

    SFAW

    @shortstop:

    By all accounts, they were both remarkably unengaged parents.

    I guess I’m not too surprised.

    On the plus side, their grandfather (i.e., Prescott) was a fine human being, willing to provide moral support to those poor, downtrodden Nazis before it became fashionable. Or maybe after it became unfashionable. My brother used to tell me that the Bush family – or at least W – hates Jews. Who’d’a thunk, right?

  119. 119.

    Aaron

    Personally saving Sarah Palin in Sharknado 3. “He’s the viril leader the world needs!” announced Palin.

  121. 121.

    Frankensteinbeck

    @SFAW:
    Very few people will vote for you just because you openly call yourself a liberal. A large number of people will drag themselves off their couch to vote against you just because you openly call yourself a liberal.

    The major motivation of the GOP is hate. A corollary of Cleek’s Law is that their motivation to vote is how much they think doing so will upset liberals.

    @SFAW:
    No, I think still the hammer-and-sickle. These people’s knowledge of foreign affairs and geography is laughably weak, and they never really left the 80s – assuming they ever left the 50s.

  126. 126.

    SFAW

    @Frankensteinbeck:

    The 47-percenters will always vote against liberals, whether they call themselves liberals or progressives. As you said, a corollary to Cleek’s Law.

    No, I think still the hammer-and-sickle.

    I wrote that the crescent was added, not that it replaced the hammer-and-sickle. If the ACLU were really on their game, they’d do one of those things where it looks like a hammer-and-sickle from one angle, and a crescent if you tilt it in another direction.

    And, not to go too far afield, but: some day, I want to hear from a “typical” RWTM just what exactly it is about “socialism” that scares them so much? What are the EXACT reasons that, when someone says a particular policy is “socialist,” they immediately make the policy bad. What EXACT features are bad, and WHY, other than “Because SHUT UP!”

  127. 127.

    Pogonip

    If he’s in Cole’s kitchen, I would question him about the whereabouts of the mustard while he’s engaged in (half) naked mopping. An ex KGB man sounds like just the perfidious type who would make off with a fine upstanding American veteran’s mustard.

    Now–we can has better topic please?

  129. 129.

    Joel Hanes

    @Violet:

    W lives in Dallas

    Yes, the “ranch” in Midland was just as real as the “compassion” in his conservatism.

  130. 130.

    Frankensteinbeck

    @SFAW:

    The 47-percenters will always vote against liberals, whether they call themselves liberals or progressives. As you said, a corollary to Cleek’s Law.

    Motivation level is important. This is a major part of why politicians campaign in ways we don’t like. I live in Kentucky and watched the Senate race between McConnell and Grimes. McConnell’s entire strategy was to link Grimes to Obama, and it drove out his voters in incredible numbers, despite nobody actually liking McConnell. Grimes avoided Obama’s name like the plague, and only took a hit when she looked weak fumbling for an answer to a direct question.

    Things that are optional to us are frothingly important to conservatives. Their turnout is based on hate and fear, and ours on whether we think anything will get done. Being publicly ‘liberal’ feeds their turnout greatly, and ours barely at all.

    This stuff is real. Democratic candidates in Red states act like they do for a reason. I’m not convinced their reaction is the best one, but they’re certainly not imagining things.

  132. 132.

    Johannes

    He’s regenerated into female form and is currently dressed like Mary Poppins, planning to seduce the Doctor and get revenge on Clara.

  135. 135.

    Mike in NC

    @SFAW: There was a joke about G. H. W. Bush getting sent to the Pacific during the war so he wouldn’t risk killing any friends of the family.

  136. 136.

    Woodrow/Asim

    I see people mentioning botox — seriously, I guess — but that makes no sense. Putin’s not an idiot, and unless it was botched and he’s getting it fixed, no way he’d have items on his schedule that make it obvious he’s missing.

  138. 138.

    jafd

    Away back when, when I was still young enough to read _Mad_ magazine unironically, they ran a ‘graphic ‘filk’ musical’ with the story of James Bond in the cold war with the Eskimos…

    “Oh oh oh oh OH OH Seven, he’s the greatest spy that’s left alive,
    Though the Empire’s gone, he keeps right on
    So you’d better not get in his way

    We know in a fight he will win
    ‘Cause he wins every fight that he’s in”

    As usual, Bond gets captured and taken to the villian’s secret base

    “Everything’s really cool in Glacier City
    No matter what the season
    You’ll always beat the heat
    The temperature is 35 below”

    I’d look for Putin there.

    Now, methot that this might be online, since once, in the decades between the time I read it and today, a legal friend once mentioned that this was the occasion of a leading case in ‘fair use’ / parody law, but no luck finding it ;-(

  139. 139.

    Another Holocene Human

    @gene108: Bush ran ads about dirty dirty Boston harbor which guess what, WE paid to clean up, NOT the feds. Then he gets in office and immediately redefines wetlands so big developers can chug away. Liar hypocrite scum.

  146. 146.

    JustRuss

    @Joel Hanes:

    Yes, the “ranch” in Midland was just as real as the “compassion” in his conservatism.

    W’s Brush-Clearin’ Pig Farm was in Crawford. Midland’s an oil town, I believe he lived there when he was sinking investors’ money into holes in the ground.

  147. 147.

    Matt McIrvin

    @SFAW: There was a dopey Eighties “documentary” about the prophecies of Nostradamus, with narration from Orson Welles, that had a futuristic vignette about what they claimed to be Nostradamus’s predicted next great world-beating tyrant, some guy who wore a blue turban (they insisted on this detail).

    Anyway, the show speculated that he was the leader of some Soviet/Scary Muslim People alliance, and he had a spiffy logo that was a Muslim crescent combined with a hammer and sickle.

  150. 150.

    Chelsea Gates

    He’s probably at Sarah Palin’s house discussing how Obama should be running America. Or inviting her to hunt bears with him.

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