I got back early and just sat down and waited while they finished grooming Steve, and i don’t think they were aware I was there, so I heard some amusing stuff.
“I’ve never seen a cat with this many claws. Are we sure he only has 22?”
“I can’t wait to apply for disability and tell them I injured my back lifting a cat.”
“He just crapped on me again. This will be his third bath.”
“He’s really sweet, but god there is a lot of him.”
“We need to charge for two cats.”
I just sat there silently getting hysterical while I surfed the internet.
John, if you don’t want All the Minions to cut you, you’d better be posting some Steve pictures, and soon.
and check some of the prior threads, some goings on you may wish to be appraised of in regards to Ginger
Steve with teh puppies: make it so.
PICS OR IT DIDN’T HAPPEN.
Tree With Water
“Former rap music mogul Marion “Suge” Knight collapsed in a courtroom Friday shortly after a judge ordered him to be held on $25m bail in a murder case”.
If a judge ever laid those words on me, I’m pretty sure I’d collapse, too.
John, I think there may be some hope for Mary G and Ginger! Check the NCAA thread!
Well if that didn’t make your Friday I don’t will.
Did you feed Steve prunes before taking him in to be groomed?
What is that crapping on people about? Must be a West Virginia thing.
At least Steve’s mass does not threaten to rip the fabric of the space-time continuum asunder, thereby threatening to suck the entire known universe into some kind of gunk in the interstices in some tidbit of the quantum-dark matter foam (or whatever.. some physics people help me out here)…
like certain other cats might….
Cole is never satisfied.
And is it coincidence that since Tunch has departed for ethereal realms, Science is getting closer to solving the riddle of super massive dark matter? I think… not. The TunchForce Abides.
Edit: and hasn’t The Raven informed Cole of pressing dog questions that have arisen today?
I’ll be taking Mewtant to the groomer for the first time next week. He’s been wild & free for so long I’m not sure how he’ll react. He did let the vet trim his claws when he got his shots without too much furor but this will involve water. He has a regular complement of claws plus a side thumb area group of 3 more on each foot, though the back feet are somewhat less clearly divided. The vet very kindly did not charge double.
@gelfling545: Great name. After reading your entire post, I feel pretty confident that I do not need to ask how he got the name.
Very funny. You must post a picture of freshly groomed Steve. He must be so handsome!
The groomers that my parents take their dog to used to have a sign listing all the reasons why a pet haircut costs more than a human one. Things like “you are unlikely to bite your hairdresser” and “you have probably never asked your hairdresser to give you a sanitary cut”. I don’t remember “People don’t crap on their hairdressers. More than once, anyway” being on the list, but that might also qualify.
That’s hysterical, Cole. Did you ever let the groomers know you had overheard them?
P.S. How many groomers does it take to groom Steve?
@jl: “The Raven” is watchin “The Hoop”.
I agree that a post-grooming Steve pic would be appropriate.
And is there still a pick of Tunch in his heavy duty veterinarian, or was it grooming, restraints? That was a chilling, yet hilarious pic. The death cat with the strength of a thousand men!
I wonder if a similar conversation takes place when Cole gets a physical.
Makes me wanna give all my cats a bath!
@gelfling545: My sister and I groomed our way through college. Mostly dogs with the occasional cat thrown in. We had a special frame with chicken wire on it. Covered the bottom of the frame with heavy washers and fabric (don’t scratch the tub). Put the cat on the frame and pull its tail (not hard–just enough to get the claws to hook in the wire). As long as you maintain tension on the tail, the claws don’t retract and the feet don’t claw you. You just have to worry about the teeth trying to chew on you. It helps if there is someone holding the tail while you wash. Less blood and gore for everyone. Makes it go much faster (which is less traumatic for everyone).
@WaterGirl: All of them Katie.
@SWMBO: You notice I’m trying to help you out here?
” I wonder if a similar conversation takes place when Cole gets a physical. ”
Given his special powers of accidental incident (of usual destructive power!) , I imagine some ‘Cole-proofing’ takes place beforehand.
Anyway, if that is a excuse to nag for more pix, sounds good to me.
Thanks in advance for the upcoming PhysPix, JG Cole!
@SWMBO: That’s a fascinating fact.
I’m not a fan of giving cats baths. I’m more a “use a wet towel as a giant tongue” fan.
But when I was bringing RJ home from the shelter we were still a half hour from home when the worming medicine kicked in. He was in a carrier belted into the back seat, so there was nothing I could do. But I sneaked a glimpse and there was a pile at one end and him on the other. So far, so good.
Then a buck the size of a Buick jumped in front of me and by the time I had safely avoided it… RJ needed a bath.
@WereBear: That’s not a Buick. . .
Note to self: coffee and Steve stories do not mix well.
Sister Rail Gun of Warm Humanitarianism
@WereBear: I’m not generally a fan of cat baths, either. I have two consistent times that I request one:
Any time I have to board the bebes for more than a day, and
Poor Pixel needs regular sanitary trims, which means regular baths. And the groomers in the area won’t touch him; he tries to bite them. The vet techs, OTOH, he will usually behave for. So until this becomes a routine, I’ll be doing a lot of reassuring them that I don’t care about pretty trims, just a practical one. He’s a lot happier with a trim.
did they shave Steve’s ass?
” did they shave Steve’s ass? ”
Don’t go there. People will start asking about his anal glands. Cole will get cranky(er).
@raven: yes. I have and I thank you. I hope this works out. I would love a happy ending to this.
True story: I took my daughter’s ‘kitten’ (15 months, 14 lbs) for his booster shot last week. This was booked as visit 2 of 3, to get him fully vaccinated against kitty gunk because he just cares more than we do about the great outdoors.
As I removed the crate from the backseat of the smartcar (some wrestling required), I heard a terrible, magnificent growl. The metal door swung free, with the cat hanging by his claws for a glorious moment in time.
Then he let go, lofting himself like a pole vaulter across the parking lot. I didn’t panic, though…got between the cat and the free way off-ramp, got low and wide…and he dashed under a parked ’96 Taurus. Then jammed himself in the wheel well.
The older lady who was loading her older dog as this transpired called for help. 3 vet techs later, he was extracted from the wheel well, coated in axle grease.
They said he was a perfect gentleman about being bathed, and would like to use him as the example cat for grooming lessons. Since he follows the kid into the shower, this only surprised me somewhat.
They also finished his shot schedule on the spot, on the logic that a possible temperature is better than getting squashed flat in front of the practice.
I am with others, please post pictures.
What, other than hilarity, happens when you have a cat groomed? Ours were always self-serve.
I was surfing Maine Coon sites. Check out musecoons.com, where the lady’s holding a cat about as big as she is.
That lady’s charging, and appears to be getting, $1000/kitten. Steve was quite a bargain. If I had anyplace to keep a Tom I might go into the Maine Coon business myself!
Those critters get more salon time than most humans.
P.S. Why did Steve crap repeatedly on the groomers? Does he hold it in till it’s time for his appointment? (Cole: “Either Steve’s gonna have kittens, or it’s time to call the beauty shop…”). And is there a poop surcharge? And why does FYAC think “piip” is a real word?
Iowa Old Lady
There are cat groomers? Not a vet, but a groomer? I had no idea.
“Mewtant” == great name :-3
@Iowa Old Lady: Many vets have groomers on staff.
@PhoenixRising: Sounds like our boy, Mithrandir. 12 months, 12 pounds.
Still on the subject of ornery creatures, I think Jeremy Clarkson has apparently decided he wants the BBC to get on with it and fire him. Incidentally, his contract runs out at the end of this month, along with those of Richard Hammond and James May. The BBC would be right to do so, whatever the fans might feel. Clarkson’s conduct has been inexcusable and too often repeated to be forgivable.
Hammond and May have said they won’t continue at Top Gear without him. I’d agree that a post-Clarkson Top Gear would be like a post-Mick Rolling Stones. Maybe the Beeb should just start over with a completely new car show.
A CAT thread! I want some advice about food. I’ve found that there is no subject more distressing than googling for info about canned cat food. Everything will kill your precious punkin.
Anyone have experience with Evanger’s Chicken or Turkey pate style canned food? The stuff coming up online says that they’re crooks and creeps, but my local independent pet food store just recommended them and I brought home a couple cans. I’m trying to find a canned food that doesn’t have carrageenan, doesn’t bankrupt me, and makes my cat happy. I tried about a dozen different kinds a year ago and she hated them all. I found out she liked Merrick’s, but then realized it has the dreaded carrageenan. I don’t trust my own cooking when making food for myself, so home made cat food isn’t really going to fly.
@gbear: What’s in the ingredients?
We bailed on the mass market cat food when we washed the cat dishes and it clogged the sink with rubbery bits that didn’t seem like food.
Right? That is just the way FYAC rolls.
He was an afuckindorable kitten, and he is a gorgeous one-year-old. Happy birthday, Mithy!
@Amir Khalid: Did you see James May’s other series about toys? I like him.
Jeremy Clarkson and Bill O’Reilly seem like they were hatched from the same large and bullying egg. Not in favor.
@SiubhanDuinne: Thanks. He is such a doll.
So what wet food do you use? And/or which dry food?
My son makes cat food for his three darlings. Chicken thighs, skin, bones, chicken livers, a balance of vitamins and minerals. I get the bones/skin he doesn’t use and make awesome bone stock. It always yields at least a half inch of schmaltz.
My obese cat who has had serious hygiene problems (we take her in regularly for a full
Brazilian, the vet techs have become experts) is now eating this primo raw chicken food and is losing weight, gaining in energy, and not having the horrendous hygiene problems. I am going to try to put her svelte and fastidious brother on it as well.
She used to eat Evo 95% meat canned food. It was okay.
We are going to get together Sunday to grind up 20 pounds of cat food and pack it into freezer containers. It will dominate the freezer compartment.
May and Hammond seem far less dickish than Clarkson. But it’s Mr C, the biggest, most non-PC dick in the BBC, with whom the fans seem in love. Actually, I quite like the idea of Steve Coogan’s (fictional) Alan Partridge being a host on Top Gear.
@Amir Khalid: Here, you can vote for it!
@WereBear: Is this normal? Will he keep growing, Wuggie Norple style, until he’s bigger than a bulldog? We’ve never had a kitten before, or a male cat, and…Jesus, he’s a bruiser.
The other night it was windy and I heard what sounded like a bowling ball falling down wooden stairs. Well, we don’t have stairs, or a bowling ball, so I checked it out–the kitten was running across the flat roof and pouncing on a paper bag that rolled away in the wind.
When do neutered at 2 months kittens stop growing?
@WereBear: I’ve been in love with him for the past year (amazing as that may seem) — of course, I was also in love with his big brother Tristan since he was a wee kitteh.
@WereBear: One of the two I brough home lists organic turkey, organic chicken broth, organic butternut squash, organinc guar gum (this is where they start to lose me), taurine, then minerals (followed by a chemical class of minerals) and vitamins.
Just One More Canuck
Cole, did they shave his ass?
What’s this I keep reading about Scott Walker firing Liz Phair?
One of my favorite Gary Larson “Far Side” cartoons: “Cat Shower” (a cat standing in a shower stall under a giant tongue)
Tried sending JC another email. I used the button at the top and picked him. We’ll see if it makes it through.
@gbear: As far as I can tell from reading the online do’s and don’ts on cat food, and being scared to death that I’d kill my cat if I gave her the wrong food….
Wet food is best. Stay away from starchy stuff. Try to get as much protein as possible. Wet food “pate” has the least starch. The stuff that has gravy is full of starch.
I boil chicken and turkey, and let her enjoy chopped up pieces of that, along with the supermarket pate canned food. Sometimes a hard-boiled egg yolk.
@SWMBO: geg6 said that she had an inside connection with Cole.
@Steeplejack (phone): Wet: Blue Buffalo, Fussy Cat, Freedom
Dry: Wellness, Holistic select -grain free
Not a fan of dry. But Mr WereBear is home alone with them and the nagging would be unbearable.
We have a new nickname for our cat: “Leopard Belly”
She’s a regular tabby, but her belly has a leopard pattern. She’s flirtatious, and will flip over when I enter the room, and writhe around waiting to be petted. She purrs if I whisper to her.
My wife wakes up in the middle of the night (hot flashes). She says she hears the cat grooming herself at the foot of the bed, and it helps her get back to sleep.
Once, she found a mouse. (the cat, not the wife) I walked in and she was crouched, staring at a mouse that I thought was dead. I picked it up by the tail and tossed it outside, and it ran away. The thing was playing dead. Or maybe our cat hypnotized it.
She’s earning her keep.
@PhoenixRising: Depends on the breed. Northern breeds like Maine Coon Cats can take four years to finish up.
@gbear: That’s not bad at all. I’ve gotten things at the grocery with a far worse list :)
One key element: will the cat eat it?
Pleasing our Spoiled Four is s challenge.
@SiubhanDuinne: I’m so pleased you have been virtual-kittening!
@WereBear: He’s your basic shorthaired stripy kind of cat, the breed found in every Dumpster* from Reno to Portland, Maine.
*Literally the origin story of our previous cat: Someone called our friend the vet & asked her to pick up this really friendly stray living in the trash container behind the drugstore. She was 6 mo (approx, obviously) when we agreed to take her for a few weeks, in 1996. Died in 2012, still 7 lbs. So…there’s a lot I don’t know about how big this lookalike kitten might get.
A ritual: Every time I open a can of cat food she is sitting there watching. I hold the underside lid of the can up so she can sniff it. When she licks her nose in approval, I dump the contents into the dish. It’s like the fancy restaurants where the waiter lets the man sniff the wine before serving it.
I run a fine establishment.
@PhoenixRising: If he develops the “head like a softball” you have one of those Bronko Nagurski domestic shorthairs.
Paws like a Chunky chocolate bar?
@Germy Shoemangler: That’s what Mr WereBear does when he opens a house favorite.
@Germy Shoemangler: I do stay away from the starchy stuff. My Halley likes pate. there’s a warehouse building in my neighborhood that’s been vacant for years but was just purchased by a commercial fish farm. Maybe I’ll be able to pick up some fresh, safe fish from them for Halley now and then.
@Kay Eye: How do you thaw it? Slowly at room temp, or do you microwave/stovetop?
@WereBear: That’s it. His head is the size of a softball. The other night he was wrapped around the magic 8 ball (showed ‘Your plans will be successful’ when I turned it over, natch) and it was lost in his guts.
Maybe we should cut back on the Evo Wild kibble…but when we tried that in the fall, he brought in birds. Not parts of birds, entire, mostly-dead birds.
I was reading about what people fed their cats in the 19th century. Pieces of bread soaked in milk. They’d rub butter on the cats and let them lick it off. Doesn’t sound good.
But these were free-range cats, and fortunately were able to supplement their diets with mice.
@WereBear: I put out 1/4 can of the Chicken Dinner (very similar ingredient list) along with her regular food and she’s eaten equal portions of each food. I may put the Evanger’s in rotation with the Merricks.
My wife’s cat’s middle name is Caution: Strikes!
@PhoenixRising: Do you feed canned? It’s really the best for them.
And I’ve found that happy cats max out their genetic potential. He’s doing very well. He really is big-boned.
The Softball headed cat
@gbear: I’m very much a fan of feeding different brands. If one manufacturer screws up a vitamin level, we have coverage. And if they drop a flavor, we have somewhere else to go.
@WereBear: I agree. Variety is best.
Catnip: I bought a small catnip plant from the supermarket. She went nuts with it. Drooled, staggered, stared into space, did everything but say “whoa!” like Keanu Reeves.
A year later I was at the farmers market. Bought a big catnip stalk. Fresh as it could be. She had no interest in it. It did nothing for her.
A different strain?
@WereBear: Thanks. It’s nice to know I may be doing something right (instead of the OMG!! stuff I was getting on google).
@Germy Shoemangler: Possibly. But that’s unusual. It’s possible they grew it in a way that did not bring out the essential oils; it’s a member of the mint family and that’s where the scent comes from.
She might like one of our herbal toys.
@gbear: I think people can get into Purity Contests about anything. It’s great to make it ourselves, sure, but I have a kitchen the size of a Barbie Dream House and a freezer to match.
Just can’t do it.
But I’ll simmer some chicken livers and Mr WereBear always shares his chicken breast with our Princess Olwyn. Mithy and Tristan love sharp cheddar. Mixing it up is a great thing.
Thanks for the info. The housecat is not a big fan of dry food. There’s always a bowl down in the kitchen, but she has a nibble only occasionally, or ironically—usually in the middle of the night, with loud crunching—to let me know she’d like some wet food.
She was already about 12 years old when I got her (2½ years ago), and she has some strange eating habits (also strange other habits). She is a very light eater—will eat barely a small spoonful of wet food at a time—but she likes to eat three or four times a day. I’m home most of the time, so I don’t mind obliging her.
I have cycled her through many different wet foods, with varying success. Currently she eats a bunch of different flavors of Fancy Feast, punctuated with occasional “human” tuna and even the odd jar of baby food. She gets a tiny shmitz of cream every day or so. She’s small and thin—about seven pounds, I would guess—so weight control is not an issue.
I’m always on the lookout to upgrade her diet, so I’ll check out the brands you mentioned.
@Germy Shoemangler: I planted catnip outside. My cats ignored it; a neighbor cat rolled around in it for hours.
I make slop for the dogs by cooking down all my scraps, bones and all until I can run it through the food processor. No onions though. The cat refuses to eat actual food, meat fish etc is just disgusting to him. He only likes the “pate style” canned food. No other texture, and not real food made to that texture. Well, okay, he will eat a little brie, but that’s it!
I give the cat can at 10pm (lest he assault me in the night), and the dogs get to help with the recycling by licking the can. One gets to run off with the empty can, and the other gets to lick off the lid while I hold it. I don’t know why they don’t cut themselves, but they don’t. Each night we switch who gets the can, it’s preferred, although I don’t see that it has more left on it than the lid (which I use to dish up the food). I guess the fact that you can run off to the other room with it makes it seem better? The older dog knows when it is his turn, and will help the cat agitate for the food pre-10pm. He doesn’t waste his time on the alternate day, to the cat’s disgust.
And now it is time to cater to them.
@Steeplejack: You can create your own homemade recipes at BalanceIT . You can make cat or dog recipes there. We make homemade food for our dog Tasha with a recipe I created there with their supplement for dogs with kidney problems. It was suggested to us by our vet.
The housecat is surprisingly “meh” about human food. I have never had a cat that didn’t go nuts for “human” tuna, but she will sometimes just go “Yeah, whatever” when given some. Same with hamburger, steak, bacon, chicken, turkey, eggs, etc. Sometimes she eats it avidly, sometimes not. And she rarely shows an interest in what’s on my plate. Always waits for me to offer her some.
Thanks, I’ll check it out.
I hope you tipped these thrice-shat-upon groomers well, John.
J R in WV
Some catnip affects cats differently than other catnip. Our cats don’t seem to get off on catnip too much. They like mice, and moles, and birds, and such, a whole lot. But we feed them Iams kibble and Frisky canned meaty bits on top to make it more attractive to them.
The cats really prefer to go outside at bedtime, to hunt. They both are quite capable of bringing in wild life, so we take a good look at their mouth, and below their chin, to be sure they aren’t bringing in wild life that is still alive.
Back in the day, Timodthy would catch a mouse, and tuck his head down with the mouse in his mouth, down so far you couldn’t see that he had anything. Then he would squeal at the front door, and when we would let him in, he would be so matter of fact, and walk into the house like it was his house.
Then he learned that if he took the mouse (or mole or whatever) into the bathroom and let it go in the tub, he could play with it, and chase it, for much longer than if he hurt it to keep it from getting away. So then one weekend afternoon he caught a sparrow, and brought it to the front door.
He had it tucked under his chin, way down low so that you couldn’t see it.
When we let him in, he scampered to the bathroom, and into the tub, where he let the bird go… astonished to see the bird fly away, free, where Timodthy couldnt’ catch it!!!
I had one hell of a time that evening catching the F’in bird and getting it out of the house before everyone else got home!!!
True story, tho.
@Germy Shoemangler: This is raw food, served raw. I get out a one-cup freezer container full of food, thaw it overnight in the refrigerator, and fat little Roxie gets two breakfasts and two dinners from it, about 1/4 c. each serving. When she gets the last bit from one container, I move another into the fridge and it is pretty well thawed after 12 hours.
My son tried chicken thighs from Costco but did not like the looks/texture of the meat as it came out of the grinder. So now the cats get big bags of thighs from an upscale market, but at least at a discount for quantity purchases.
And one of his cats was a neighborhood feral, neutered and with notched ear, that attached himself to this little Cat Bistro. Boy, did he ever fall into the butter tub. He is quite happy with sofa cushions, beds, pillows . . .
If you have a Balloon Juice calendar, Chester is January, Roxie is a September kitty.
Great old Steve Martin joke:
I gave my cat a bath this morning, It went fine but now my tongue is all furry.
My ex-MIL had this cat named Simon who was one of the biggest cats I still have ever seen. However, the weirdest thing about him was that he was monstrously heavy, despite not being fat exactly. He was plump, but not fat, but we joked that he was made of liquid metal a la the Terminator, because he felt like a brick.
Now, my ex has a very Tunch-looking cat named Waffle. Waffle is excellent, and I often want to abduct him. However, Waffle sounds like one of the castrati. Huge cat, with a high, squeaky voice. Cracks me up.