I’m old enough to be Marco Rubio’s older sister, and he better thank merciful Christ I’m not because I would have stolen our dad’s lighter and melted the head off his Skeletor action figure and threw his Tonka trucks into the canal and buried his Mr. Microphone in the cat’s litterbox. And when he started blubbering about that, I would have dangled his head in the toilet and flushed it repeatedly while saying, “Whatcha gonna do about it, huh, crybaby?” Ask my siblings!
But we’re all grown up now. More than grown up, in fact — middle-aged — and while we’re not grandparents like the Clintons, Marco and I aren’t spring chickens either, and thus we’re prone to embarrassing errors when we try to act all hip and edgy, as Wonkette observes:
[Rubio] is going to be president (no he’s not), but not just any president. He is going to be president of A New American CenturyTM, because he is young and hip and SO down with the kids these days that he doesn’t even need to capitalize his name. THAT is how hip he is. Unlike some candidates (Hillary Clinton), who are really old (Hillary Clinton), and represent yesterday (Hillary Clinton). [snip]
And then, as any young, super edgy candidate for the next generation does, he encouraged people to go to his website….
What happens when 50,000 people simultaneously go to http://t.co/0wnqx4LcRt? The site crashes… We'll be back online asap.
— Alex Conant (@AlexConant) April 13, 2015
Seriously, 50K hits and it crashes? To put that in (wildly misleading!) context, Balloon Juice currently averages about 47K page views per day, and FYWP only shits on roughly a third of your carefully crafted comments. And we’re not running for president. I get that there’s a difference between unique visitors, page views, temporal anomalies, traffic spikes, etc., but FFS.
And speaking of temporal anomalies, “New American Century”? I’m way old enough to remember the campaigns prior to 2000 and much yammering about “building a bridge to the 21st century.” That was lame, but it made a sort of sense because we were on the cusp of a “new” century according to how most of us reckon time.
In light of the fact that it’s currently 2015, how is this “New American Century” supposed to work? Is Rubio saying we got off to such a shitty start with Dubya that we have to roll the odometer back? Or is America just so exceptional that we can declare a new century 15 years into the current one?
The latter explanation appears to be the answer, based on the abysmally edited blather on Rubio’s now operational site, which is probably tallying tens of hits right now. The loser stink is strong with this one.