Florida Man Wants to Control America’s Nuclear Arsenal http://t.co/Yzcqjsjp0g
— daveweigel (@daveweigel) April 13, 2015
All praise to Adam Weinstein at Gawker for his epic sandbagging of “the biggest idiot running for President“:
… Rubio’s entry in the 2016 presidential race will fuck up his hitherto inexplicably promising career. It will cost the Republican Party dearly in Florida and in Washington. It will prove to be one of the dumbest moves in the dumb history of politics. This will happen because Marco Rubio is that rare youthful combination of un-telegenic bumbling incompetence and malign corruption only Florida can nourish to maturity.
Rubio has two major political achievements. First, he was speaker of the Florida House of Representatives—an annual beauty pageant of ugly Republicans, by ugly Republicans, for ugly Republicans, so that ugly Republicans shall not perish from the earth. Second, he took an election from political changeling Charlie Crist, something that a reanimated pygmy skink could do, and has done. The thickest section of Rubio’s resumé is his involvement in some truly ghastly internecine political and financial corruption. But he’s running against a Clinton, a Bush, and a Texan. So much for that advantage…
Rubio… is skipping a run for reelection to the Senate next year. So in order to kiss an Iowa state-fair butter cow and hope it convinces enough slackjaw racist-emailing state delegates to rush over to his corner of some god-forsaken parqueted gym floor in Dubuque, he will have to give up a job he could have held for life as a United States senator in the union’s fast-growing, third-largest, politically up-for-grabs state. A job that could have positioned him well for 2020 or 2024 or the governor’s mansion or Fox News, after he’d had a few more seasons to learn to talk with his tongue in his mouth.
More to the point, Rubio’s decision is going to cost Republicans hundreds of millions in critical political money at best, and lose them a previously safe Senate seat at worst. He was uniquely positioned to hold his seat in a presidential election year, which typically favors Democrats in Florida. Thanks to his blandness and his refusal to do, like, policy, his approval numbers and net positives beat those of any other state politician. No other Republican comes close…
… [W]e are talking about Marco Rubio… because his waifish, manufactured brand appeals to a small number of highly influential idiots with billions of dollars to spend fine-tuning a plutocratic system that’s immediately responsive to most of their whims—but not yet all of them. These are the Koch-heads, the sugar barons, the neocon casino magnates, the football-and-car-dealership tycoons, the i-bankers and hedge-funders looking for a soft, supple hand to stimulate their sacks of cash with a youthful wink and a nod to old-fashioned values. Or just opportunistic contractors who see the wisdom in investing a little campaign money now to build billions worth of Coast Guard cutters later…
Apart from admiring the half-brick-in-an-old-sock work, what’s on the agenda for the evening?