I get through each day like that. I have a huge raft of appointments coming up–Psychiatric individual therapy, General Practice, Marriage Counseling, Anger Management, PTSD group therapy and so on.
In the short term, I’m prioritizing my energy. The lawn at my house needs mowing, but it keeps raining so no use in getting wrapped around the axle about that is of no use to anyone, which is what I have done. On the other hand, I CAN fix the broken SCCM image for the new laptops at work, so that’s what I did the last three days. I have enjoyed amazing support from my bosses and from my union.
I don’t know where I’ll be or what the world will look like for me in a year or five years time. About the only thing I am sure of is that I’ll still be doing IT (which I love) for the Federal government (which is a great employer, even with those assholes in Congress.) Pretty much everything else is up in the air right now, and that’s OK for the time being.
I’m currently living with my dad and step-mom. They’re wise and easy going and they have a spare bedroom, and I have chores. This is what I need right now, and I’m lucky to have this kind of support.
Kathleen
It does my heart good to read your post. The fact that you are in touch with what you love doing and enjoying people you love is huge. I’m pulling for you.
Neddy Merrill
Please take care of yourself and take all the help available to you.
BC
One step at a time, keep your stress level low. Best wishes, take advantage of all the employee assistance available. Here’s hoping your posts will show you progressing.
satby
Hang in there, Sooner. Situations change and get better, and we’re all pulling for you!
MomSense
Thanks for checking in with us, Sooner. I’m really happy to hear you are getting good support and that you have good people lined up to help. Keeping you in my thoughts and rooting for you and your family. I did chuckle a bit at the chores part. I have been known to do some vigorous choring when I’m working something out.
Aimai
Good luck sooner. Space and time sound good, very needed.
c u n d gulag
I wish you the very best of luck!
SiubhanDuinne
I am so happy to read this post and learn of your progress. “Prioritizing my energy” — that’s something we would all be better off doing. And I love seeing that you have gratitude for the people and structures in your personal support system. Please give us updates when you can, but most importantly, please keep doing what you need to do for your own healing.
Exurban Mom
Pulling for you. Kind of you to update us as I’m sure I’m not the only one here worrying about you.
rikyrah
I continue to admire your honesty, and that you are out there getting help. Prayers to you so that you work your way through this difficult patch.
Jacks mom
Sometimes the worst times can turn out to be that corner you needed to turn. I know that I need to stay positive about an eventual outcome and trust that it will be the best for me and all the people I love and that are supporting me. Good luck to you and hugs from a well wisher.
Denali
Good to hear your voice. You are important to us. Keep us in your world.
Poopyman
Thanks for the update. It’s fantastic to hear you have the support you need. Use it. And ask for what you aren’t getting.
(I should follow my own advice.)
MazeDancer
So much good foundation here on which to build!
Knowing work that you love to do is a gift of the highest order. Holding on to that can get one through so much else.
May that, and all the other solid bricks of “things you know” serve you well as you build. Continued light and good thoughts to you, Sooner.
Jerzy Russian
Thanks for the report and good luck. I too find that certain chores help with getting rid of stress, and my garage has a lot of chores in it right now.
Also, let’s hear it for Soonerdad+stepmom and Soonerboss! They sound like they make an awesome base of support upon which to build.
Henry
My heart goes out to you. Get better. Love again.
w3ski
Jerzy Russian
@Poopyman:
Yep. We often look at other people and can see obvious things they need to do but when we look in the mirror a voice says “there nothing to see here, move on”.
oldster
Wishing you the best of luck. Thanks for checking in.
ellennellee
sooner, you are showing all the best pieces for putting the puzzle together, which is what we all must do every day; you’ve even made some crucial connections, so please don’t despair.
PTSD is what your body and mind do to survive trauma, tho it’s damn hard to break that response pattern when it’s no longer needed. it takes time, and practice.
hell, not only more than one day at a time, and five minutes at a time – it’s one breath at a time.
practice that (find someone to teach it, if you don’t already know how) – and seriously, practice it, first thing in the morning, last thing at night – and it will become second nature to you.
breathe in gratitude, breathe out fear. where there is gratitude, fear will flee.
rebuilding trust, one connection at a time, one breath at a time.
bountiful blessings to you. but then, you’re already on it, dude!
thx for including us; we are all grateful for you.
a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)
Thanks for the update. You’re impressive in not only your determination but the insightful approach you’re taking to organizing your energy priorities. Be well, and you have my good wishes.
jafd
Sending good thoughts and prayers and energy your way. Hoping things come out well for you and your family.
Love, luck, and lollipops !
Tom Levenson
Best of luck, Sooner. We are thinking of you — and pulling for you.
Mustang Bobby
Best wishes. My thoughts are with you.
Josie
Thanks for updating us. We care about you and are inspired by your courage and honesty.
Betty Cracker
So glad you’re hanging in there and that you have a strong support network. At a low point, sometimes it can be surprising how supportive people are, because your bad chemistry makes you think you don’t deserve it. But you do, brother! You do!
If you’re not getting regular exercise, try to find a way, even if it’s just walking around the ‘hood. Depression saps all your energy and makes you feel like you can’t move, but exercise generates energy and balances out the chemistry.
Wishing the best for you. Please keep us posted when you can.
Josie
@ellennellee:
Thank you for this. I need to remind myself of this every day.
SuperHrefna
(((((Soonergrunt)))))
Tara the Antisocial Social Worker
Hang in there, Soonergrunt. Keep asking for help when you need it. There are people near and far who’ve got your back.
scav
Best to you and everyone around you, bosses, colleagues, family and all helping with / striving toward those 5 minute increments. Good and important people all.
JPL
Sooner, Thank you so much for sharing your journey. Please take care of yourself first.
Lizzy L
Soonergrunt, we are all pulling for you. Good wishes from my house to yours. Please keep checking in with us.
Amir Khalid
Just adding my good wishes and support to the growing pile. Steady as she goes.
Ursine
Hang in there SG. My thoughts are with you.
RSA
It all sounds good, Sooner. You can do it.
Linda Featheringill
Good luck, Soonergrunt. Better days are ahead.
Hugs to you.
Emma
What everyone has already said. Please remember, at the worst moments, that there’s this Internet feral cat horde that misses you and is pulling for you.
Violet
Sounds like things are going as well as they can go. Thanks for the update. Hang in there, soonergrunt.
TaMara (BHF)
Thanks for taking the time to update us. I have so little to offer compared to many here. But you have my respect and I’m sending lots of good energy. [[hugs]] Here’s to the next five minutes….
BruceFromOhio
Opening up Balloon Juice and wondering how SG is doing, and lo, an update. Thank you for this.
A solid, stable SCCM image is worth its weight in platinum, more time spent doing rather than having to backtrack and fix things every install.
‘Good’ is something you do, ‘well’ is something you are, and I’m very happy to see you pursuing both.
Strength and healing to you, SG.
J R in WV
Sooner, as all have said, we are with you in spirit, behind you pushing if necessary, in front breaking the path when needed.
Hang in there, keep moving forward, if life needs to be in 5 minute slices, no big deal.
Omnes Omnibus
Thanks for the update, SG. Keep on doing what you need to do.
WereBear
THIS is what I pay taxes for.
And I’m glad to do it!
Civilization. What a concept.
Labrachow
Best of luck to you. Thought you might find this book useful – I think it’s a useful shift in thinking about dealing with the consequences of trauma.
http://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0670785938/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1429975300&sr=1-2&keywords=the+body+remembers
The author is well-qualified, having done this for over thirty years in the VA and elsewhere. Here’s an interview he did with Krista Tippett which you might want to check out before considering the book.
http://www.onbeing.org/program/restoring-the-body-bessel-van-der-kolk-on-yoga-emdr-and-treating-trauma/5801
Never forget that the universe is on your side.
geg6
@Betty Cracker:
Agree with everything you’re saying here, especially the bit about exercise.
Hang in there, Sooner. Much light headed your way from here.
Mary G
Virtual love, hugs and positive energy coming your way. This reminded me why I must care about the next election. The other side is just itching to start another damn useless war to destroy the hearts and minds of some of our best people who signed up to serve our country.
skyweaver
Hey, Soonergrunt. I have PTSD. I hear you and support you, even though I live a long way away. You’ll emerge. Just keep doing what you’re doing. You have a good system in place, so just there’s nothing more to do than to just wait for things to get better. And they will. My best to you. You’re in all of our thoughts. Good luck.
Mike in NC
Best wishes to you. Yesterday we were enjoying a perfect Spring day when suddenly we witnessed one of the beautiful ducks in the pond behind the house get attacked and killed by a large alligator. My wife said, “Nature sucks. Fix me a stiff drink”.
Aleta
@TaMara (BHF):
I like this a lot, and will use it today. Thanks.
Citizen_X
Good cheer to you, SG. Keep rebuilding, one brick at a time.
schrodinger's cat
{{{{Soonergrunt}}}} Hang in there!
Ruckus
Great to hear that things are going in a good direction at a pace that works. Sounds like you’ve made a lot of progress. Glad to hear that positive voice. Good luck.
p.a.
Best wishes. Use every resource out there. Thank FSM for benefits! Actually thank all the workers who came before for fighting for them. Nothing was given, only taken.
Villago Delenda Est
He’s got a plan, but the best thing is, he knows the plan needs constant tweaking to get the mission accomplished…and the mission is of a nature that it’s never completely accomplished.
So keep tweaking that plan…you’re on the right track, Sarge.
Jane2
Glad to hear you have solid resources. Best of luck to you on continuing progress.
Felonius Monk
Sooner, I admire your courage and strength and wish for you only the best. Keep on keeping on — I’m confident you can win this battle and find peace and contentment.
Svensker
Hugs and best wishes. Sounds like you’re doing it right.
GHayduke (formerly lojasmo)
Had to back up and read your posts to figure out what was going on. I appreciate your sharing here.
Lots of us have been through some shit. I for one (of many) am pulling for you.
Pogonip
Rooting for your recovery!
Mnemosyne (tablet)
Good luck, and keep moving forward. If there are things that “need” to get done (like mowing the lawn) that are low on your priority list, hire someone else to do them. There’s no law that says you have to do them yourself.
notorious JRT
When faced with health challenges, the one foot in front of the other approach stops being a cliche and is the best tactic to see us through. We are all pullung for you. I hope coming here to tell us how it is going helps the healing you deserve and need. Onward!
Eljai
Sending good thoughts your way, Sooner. I’ve enjoyed reading your posts and I’ve always found them to be thoughtful and enlightening. Count me among the many who are rooting for you.
elis
Your in my thoughts, it’s good to hear from you –
Citizen Scientist
Keep it up Sooner Grunt. You have the right attitude and recognize that you need help. That’s the crucial first step. Best of luck.
Anne Laurie
You’re a good man, SoonerGrunt.
Will keep you in my prayers, that the positive five-minute increments multiply like dustbunnies.
And I hope you’re getting some fun out of the bike you just bought, too.
Debbie(aussie)
Thank you so much for keeping us in the loop. Wishing for you that each day gets easier.
{{{{{{SOONER &FAMILY}}}}}}}}
Manyakitty
Peace and love and continued good thoughts!
xephyr
I LOVE coming down to Florida to go hiking and canoeing… in March. ;-) Nice pics..
Paul in KY
Just keep on keeping on, Sooner! Best wishes to you & family.