Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Republicans in disarray!

Just because you believe it, that doesn’t make it true.

This has so much WTF written all over it that it is hard to comprehend.

Republicans choose power over democracy, every day.

rich, arrogant assholes who equate luck with genius

Republicans seem to think life begins at the candlelight dinner the night before.

When do we start airlifting the women and children out of Texas?

Thanks to your bullshit, we are now under siege.

“Everybody’s entitled to be an idiot.”

Whatever happens next week, the fight doesn’t end.

Ah, the different things are different argument.

If you tweet it in all caps, that makes it true!

But frankly mr. cole, I’ll be happier when you get back to telling us to go fuck ourselves.

You can’t love your country only when you win.

Yeah, with this crowd one never knows.

Putin must be throwing ketchup at the walls.

It’s the corruption, stupid.

Republicans can’t even be trusted with their own money.

I’m pretty sure there’s only one Jack Smith.

Whoever he was, that guy was nuts.

We are aware of all internet traditions.

Imperialist aggressors must be defeated, or the whole world loses.

Let’s delete this post and never speak of this again.

Take hopelessness and turn it into resilience.

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Reader Interactions

196Comments

  3. 3.

    dmsilev

    Actual phrase from actual email someone sent me this morning: “he will leave all of the dungeon pumps behind”.

    (Boring explanation: I’m planning a facility move, and the new space is on two levels, with the rarely-used lower level referred to as ‘the dungeon’. There are currently a bunch of old but potentially useful vacuum pumps there now, and I have my eye on salvaging them)

  8. 8.

    West of the Cascades

    As a Bills fan, I’m happy that Brady can’t play with his squishy balls when the Pats visit Orchard Park this September.

  10. 10.

    Germy Shoemangler

    @efgoldman: I actually remember a good Trump joke here on Balloon-Juice. I don’t remember which one of you shared it: “How did Trump make 200 million dollars? He inherited 400 million.”

  16. 16.

    scav

    Oh, and the Trumpster with his conflation of NFL internal policing and Other law is quite the bookend to Legislative and Judicial Law Carson.

  17. 17.

    Tree With Water

    Just who Tom Brady wants to see defending him- The Trumpster, a human dumpster.

  18. 18.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @scav: Didn’t you suffer from a lack of imagination wrt cuticles and beds this morning? And now….

    @dmsilev: Not my particular kink, so I will defer to your expertise. All I know is from Velvet Underground songs.

  21. 21.

    jl

    I dislike the Pats and dislike Brady, so i think the big cheater should parade his deflated balls in front of the whole country.

    In a way, I agree with Trumpster the Dumpster.

    It takes a special kind of jackass to cheat when they don;t need to in order to win by a mile. And I think it was pretty clear the Pats would do just that in the game.

  22. 22.

    scav

    @Redshift: and everyones forgetting the all important fetishism sigh…. It’s not all furries, although blurring even more boundaries . . . . . where is SP&T?

    @Omnes Omnibus: No, it was the lack of athleticism and attention to detail then, not vivid imagination . .

  24. 24.

    jl

    @dmsilev: I for one do not believe your very unlikely and implausible ‘boring explanation’.

    And I don’t see the problem. If you like to walk around in dungeon dominatrix high heel shoes, well.. I see nothing for you to be ashamed of.

    I look forward to the hot pix.

  26. 26.

    danielx

    There’s no definitive proof that Donald Trump is wearing a dead animal on his head, but reasonable people can speculate.

    It would be irresponsible not to.

  30. 30.

    Belafon

    @jl: The Patriots do seem to think that Following Richard Nixon is a great idea. Previously they got in trouble for listening in on their opponents play calling if I remember correctly.

  33. 33.

    danielx

    @Redshift:

    Yes, we’re clearly in need of her expertise!

    If there’s anybody who knows from fetishes, it’s that old trollop.

  39. 39.

    Tree With Water

    @jl: Hell, Gaylord Perry “cheated” his way into Cooperstown. It was the leagues responsibility to police the games. It was the league that did nothing after being specifically asked by the Indy Colts to monitor game balls. If you think Brady was the only QB that’s been been doing this, I have a bridge to sell you. Nope, what we have here is another Roger Goodell public relations extravaganza. If I was Brady I’d tell him to shove it, and walk away from the game.

  40. 40.

    Corner Stone

    Thanks to all who had something to say about visiting Alaska the other day.
    Surprisingly, the boy has said he wants to do a glacier float plane thingie and also a whale watching thingie. Figured the whale thing but the float plane was a surprise. May hit up a helicopter thingie as well. No sled dog thingies as neither of us think that’s cool.
    We’re doing the damn thing.

  45. 45.

    The Pale Scot

    Apparently, after the rules were changed in 2007 to allow teams to control their own balls (which Brady stridently lobbied for personally ). The Patriots fumbling rate fell from mostly average year over year to the bottom of the chart, and has stayed there year after year ever since.

    So as soon as Tom had control of the ball conditioning, all the Patriots got very sticky fingers for the next 8 years. Is a soft ball easier to hold onto, Hmm.. ya.

  47. 47.

    Keith G

    @Corner Stone:

    May hit up a helicopter thingie as well

    Please be sure to measure how loud the damn thing is. Seems to be a question around here.

  49. 49.

    Corner Stone

    Personally, I think any commercial featuring Mila Kunis that doesn’t actually *show* Mila Kunis should get right the fuck out of here.

  51. 51.

    Corner Stone

    @Keith G: I’m not sure I’ll be able to as I am going to be hanging out the side door and yelling, “CHUNKCHUNKCHUNKCHUNKCHUNK!! YEAH!!COMEGETSOME!!YEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!”

  52. 52.

    Elizabelle

    Anyone know how to do a screengrab? CNN is seriously classic at the moment.

    Enormous headline: Be very afraid

    with picture of — I guess — scary ISIS types. Some retired generals were apparently polled and says Obama is not taking them seriously enough.

    Constantly negative news. But this is kinda a new low.

  55. 55.

    Tommy

    My father was over the other day. I hear him playing the Beatles, Here Comes The Sun. I say to him I love this song. I love it. I stood up and danced a little.

  57. 57.

    Keith G

    @Corner Stone: A Google News link informs me that

    Mila Kunis says being a mother is most challenging role she’s ever had

    Now, I wonder. Did she think that line up all by herself or did her publicist pinch hit?

  59. 59.

    Heliopause

    8,719 RETWEETS 7,031 FAVORITES

    Can someone please tell me how so many in our world lead such barren lives, and what charity that helps these pathetic bastards I might donate to?

  60. 60.

    danielx

    @Elizabelle:

    Figure out the PrtSc key and whether you have to hold down another key for it to work (Fn, Alt, Ctrl, etc), do that, and then do an edit paste into a blank file fr any program that handles graphic images (Word for example). You should have an image of the screen.

  65. 65.

    Corner Stone

    @Omnes Omnibus: There’s an abbreviated version. The one where she brands the barrel and one where she just talks smack but never shows.
    If Heineken can get Neil Patrick Harris into their 15-20 second ad then for fuck sake we can get a little Mila action.
    Mmmm…Mila action…

  69. 69.

    Tree With Water

    @The Pale Scot: Could be the rule change was effected because everyone else had the same idea of exploiting it. I hardly consider the Pats (even with a strident Brady) as a single bad apple in a otherwise bumper crop of upright teams.

  71. 71.

    beltane

    Aside from everything else wrong about Donald Trump, he has also shown himself to be no true New Yorker. Defending the Patriots? He shall be excommunicated.

  72. 72.

    Roger Moore

    @Heliopause:

    Can someone please tell me how so many in our world lead such barren lives, and what charity that helps these pathetic bastards I might donate to?

    Sock puppets don’t have lives and don’t need charity.

  73. 73.

    jl

    @Tree With Water:

    ” If I was Brady I’d tell him to shove it, and walk away from the game. ”

    I’d be OK with that too. I stand by my ‘jackass; comment. And some baseball players have, and have been, jackasses too.

    Seriously, though, I do have some sympathy with your take on it. The NFL sets up rules for the balls that (if John Madden is to be believed) have changed frequently and are more about marketing and making money than for playing the game. Now it looks like the NFL is partly responsible by being sloppy about enforcing its own rules. So, what to do? Easy: they blame everyone but themselves. So, yes, another shining example of Goodell competence and leadership, a fine example to our precious youth.

  74. 74.

    Howard Beale IV

    Number of times a Trump-led company has filed bankruptcy: 4
    Number of divorces: 2

    Number of times a Clinton-led company has filed bankruptcy: 0
    Number of divorces: 0

    Any questions?

  75. 75.

    Little Boots

    pretty little love song. can’t be wrong.

    omnes. you mad at me? post music, dammit.

  77. 77.

    jl

    @Howard Beale IV:

    ” Any questions? ”

    Yeah. How many decades old is that pic Trump uses for his tweeter twits? And why does he crop out his magnificent head of manly virile gazillionaire hair?

  82. 82.

    Roger Moore

    @Howard Beale IV:
    I’m sure The Donald would say something like “Nothing ventured, nothing gained”. You can’t succeed in business if you aren’t willing to risk failure, and most successful business founders have a failure or two under their belt before they succeed. I’m not sure if that’s the right attitude to take toward marriage, though.

  84. 84.

    Corner Stone

    @Little Boots: Of course I do. Isn’t it obvious? What kind of hipster douche still admits to watching Raising Arizona instead of the much more accessible Face Off?

  88. 88.

    Corner Stone

    @Little Boots: It’s like some ass talking about the Grayson Perry work as some kind of trans-normative spectacles instead of just fucking saying that the Old Dutch Masters knew what the fuck they were about.

  98. 98.

    The Pale Scot

    @Tree With Water: @Omnes Omnibus:

    Well, what I read a couple days ago seemed to indicate that the Patriots rate of fumbling improved amazingly and stayed there while everybody else stayed within normal numbers.

    But now it seems the the stat work is being criticized and it’s way to frakin’ late to do math so I’ll see how it plays out.

    I always preferred the football leather scuffed up a bit myself.

  109. 109.

    Corner Stone

    @Little Boots: Don’t tell me that everyone is my fault. I’ll take the blame for some of them like Suzanne or debit or if forced *shutter* Svensker. But I ain’t freakin taking on the bullshit for so called people who just like to spoof our little community of do-gooders with weird non-sequitur little stories. People who prey on the otherwise goodwill of the video enabled BJ-ers.

  117. 117.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Mike J: I have seen him four times. Each was brilliant, weird and different. And I went to an after party where he showed up. I stayed for two hours, but went home at 4:00 am. A girl I knew said he played a set at around 5:00. Damn me for having a day job.

  130. 130.

    Howard Beale IV

    @Steeplejack (phone): It isn’t as antiquated as you think. The principles of operation for the z13 is 1700+ pages, and has been modified to execute Java bytecode pretty damn efficiently-not to mention offering opcode level support for compression, encryption and transaction management.

    Not bad for a machine that can execute code written 50+ years ago unmodified, and whose original architecture was used to land a man on the moon.

  139. 139.

    gogiggs

    Gosh, poor Tom Brady.
    His punishment will be winning the Super Bowl for the fourth time, then having to spend an extra month at home with his millions and millions of dollars and his supermodel wife instead of having 300 pound men pounding him into the turf.
    Whatever you do, don’t throw him into that briar patch.

  143. 143.

    Steeplejack

    Okay, goin’ out in R&B mode:

    Deon Jackson, “Love Makes the World Go Round.” Hadn’t thought of this song in years and just happened on it tonight. Spurious dance footage included, with a suspiciously Omnesesque sophisticate and his special lady at 1:52. . . . Aw, hell, who am I kidding, that could have been me.

    J.J. Jackson, “But It’s Alright.” One of my favorite songs from high school—and that was the second time it hit the charts (1969).

    I’ll be available on the Steep-phone for a bit.

  149. 149.

    Steeplejack

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    I thought you were referring to my original post of the song “Big Iron.”

    @Howard Beale IV:

    Yes, I’ve kept up with the field. But IBM’s mainframes have been called “big iron” for ages. The term itself is long in the tooth.

  163. 163.

    Corner Stone

    @Steeplejack:

    Underage Russian schoolgirl lesbians. Important detail.

    I was waiting for that when I visit my friend in Istanbul later this year.
    Although in Vancouver who knows anymore?

  166. 166.

    Corner Stone

    We’re about to get the UTI knocked out of us in The Greater Houston Metro Area.
    So if I don’t respond with curse filled invective, or properly appreciative comments regarding our bosomy burgeoning youths…know that I love you all.

    But not LB. LB can go fuck LB.

  170. 170.

    Corner Stone

    @Little Boots: I don’t like having the UTI knocked outta me. I prefer a reasonable course of anti-biotics and a balanced diet.
    It’s probably not your fault. But the Rockets are down 3-1. So somebody has to pay.

  178. 178.

    Corner Stone

    @Little Boots: You’re god damned right it’s sad. How the fugue do we go 1-3 against some douche driving a Kia on the deck of an aircraft carrier?

  194. 194.

    JoeShabadoo

    What gets me is when people give Brady shit for not giving the NFL access to his messages and email.
    Would you give your employer unfettered access to your private messages? Now imagine you are a huge star, your messages are worth money and the people who want them are the corrupt/incompetent NFL!

  196. 196.

    Grumpy Code Monkey

    @efgoldman:

    My understanding is that asking about the New Jersey Generals is a real good way to raise Trump’s blood pressure.

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