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You are here: Home / Sports / Tom Brady In “Deflator-Mess”

Tom Brady In “Deflator-Mess”

by Zandar|  May 14, 20154:03 pm| 128 Comments

This post is in: Sports, Fuck Yeah!

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The New England Patriots clearly do not give a good gotdamn any more.

The New England Patriots have officially fired back at Ted Wells’s Ballghazi report, in the form of an impenetrable WordPress page that might as well be titled Loose Balls: The Truth About PSI. The site contains an attempt by one of the Patriots’ lawyers to fisk Wells’s report, and although it’s an exhausting read, there are some genuinely funny attempts at explaining away the painfully obvious scheme.

The most damning parts of the Wells report are text messages exchanged between Jim McNally and John Jastremski, two Pats employees who worked in the locker room and talked a lot about Tom Brady and deflating footballs. McNally even referred to himself as “The Deflator” in one of the messages. However! The Pats have a perfectly reasonable explanation for that:

Mr. Jastremski would sometimes work out and bulk up — he is a slender guy and his goal was to get to 200 pounds. Mr. McNally is a big fellow and had the opposite goal: to lose weight. “Deflate” was a term they used to refer to losing weight. One can specifically see this use of the term in a Nov. 30, 2014 text from Mr. McNally to Mr. Jastremski: “deflate and give somebody that jacket.” (p. 87). This banter, and Mr. McNally’s goal of losing weight, meant Mr. McNally was the “deflator.” There was nothing complicated or sinister about it. If there was any doubt about the jocular nature of the May 9, 2014 texts, a review of all the texts between these two men that day would dispel it.

Good God, how do I get a job as an NFL team counsel where I can earn six figures lying to the entire planet about the role of “The Deflator” in your Super Bowl win. I’m in the wrong business.

Hell these guys need to be working for Congress.

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Reader Interactions

128Comments

  1. 1.

    marduk

    May 14, 2015 at 4:08 pm

    The pats response absolutely annihilated the Wells report. The section on the ball inflation is crushing. Looks like they’re planning on suing the league. Get your popcorn.

  2. 2.

    Yatsuno

    May 14, 2015 at 4:14 pm

    So now one of the defences I saw is that the text messages in question didn’t occur during the championship game but at different times. Which is probably not the defence they think it is.

  3. 3.

    gene108

    May 14, 2015 at 4:16 pm

    I thought the NFL handled the balls at the Superbowl, because of the allegations of tampering, prior to it.

    Brady’s performance may have been helped in the play-offs, especially against Baltimore, to get to the Superbowl, but the one thing Brady has going for him is the balls in the Superbowl were not doctored and he had a monster game.

  4. 4.

    Arclite

    May 14, 2015 at 4:16 pm

    It would have sounded more real if they talked about his ED:

    “After every game there were invariably groupies waiting to hook up with the players. To get to the players they first had to hook up with Mr. McNally or Mr. Jastremski. Often when he took one of the groupies to the equipment room for a romp he would get hard for about 30 seconds before going soft. He very quickly gained the nickname ‘The Deflator.'”

  5. 5.

    raven

    May 14, 2015 at 4:17 pm

    Man, I think they gave me conscious sedation for my nerve surgery but I’ve been asleep all afternoon!

  6. 6.

    c u n d gulag

    May 14, 2015 at 4:17 pm

    The smoking gun?
    That dead guy?
    THIS GUN!?!?!?!?!?!
    THE ONE IN MY HAND?

    I just picked it up after someone else dropped it!

    Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh….

  7. 7.

    Brutusettu

    May 14, 2015 at 4:18 pm

    Not only would he sometimes work out to try to lose weight, he’d juice up to gain muscle mass, to make it easier to lose weight.

    Hence, he would make sure to put the ‘roids in with a needle, so that his muscles would look like watermelons.

    (At the mafia’s “Pet Store”)
    Mafia Guy#1: I would like a “Bunny”.
    Mafia Guy#2: What kind of “Bunny”? A semi-automatic “Bunny”, or a hand-held “Bunny”?
    Mafia Guy#1: Whichever “Bunny” you think is better for shooting a guy in the head.

  8. 8.

    Grumpy Code Monkey

    May 14, 2015 at 4:23 pm

    $DIETY bless Deadspin for coining the term “Ballghazi”.

  9. 9.

    Yatsuno

    May 14, 2015 at 4:25 pm

    @Grumpy Code Monkey:

    $DIETY

    I am sooooo stealing that…

  10. 10.

    JPL

    May 14, 2015 at 4:27 pm

    If Goodell were concerned about the integrity of the game, the outcome would be for the NFL to control the footballs. He doesn’t want to upset the other teams though, and why is that?

    @Grumpy Code Monkey: I blame Hillary.

  11. 11.

    Arclite

    May 14, 2015 at 4:27 pm

    Never mind.

  12. 12.

    Amber

    May 14, 2015 at 4:27 pm

    Yeah. Let’s take the Wells report as real. Afterall, Chevron had a “scientific report” that proved smoking didn’t cause cancer. BP had a “scientific report” that showed the oil spill was not a biggy for the environment. All these proud institutions went to the same firm to ensure they got the report they wanted.

  13. 13.

    Belafon

    May 14, 2015 at 4:31 pm

    I sure am glad football is this important to the well being of our country.

  14. 14.

    Betty Cracker

    May 14, 2015 at 4:35 pm

    @marduk: Yes, you assured us just last week that no one who read the text messages could possibly think they looked bad, so clearly we can trust your assessment of how “crushing” the rebuttal is. You’re no homer, no, not you.

  15. 15.

    Doug R

    May 14, 2015 at 4:37 pm

    @marduk: might be crushing the Pats balls but I think the league’s balls are at the proper inflation

  16. 16.

    Elie

    May 14, 2015 at 4:37 pm

    @gene108:

    This did not happen at the Super Bowl but during the AFC Championship game.

  17. 17.

    Keith P.

    May 14, 2015 at 4:40 pm

    @Brutusettu: Must be where all the needle talk came from. “We weren’t deflating balls, honest. We were just injecting winstrol into our buttcheeks.”

  18. 18.

    David Koch

    May 14, 2015 at 4:41 pm

    BALLGHAZI!

  19. 19.

    jl

    May 14, 2015 at 4:42 pm

    If Brady’s deflated balls were a hit with the ladies, and he ends up in jail over this, and breaks out to use them to impress his true love, or something, a person could make an opera out of this mess.

  20. 20.

    JPL

    May 14, 2015 at 4:43 pm

    I thought this was a good article about teams trying to gain an advantage. It’s a NY Times article.


    @Elie: True plus Brady had an awesome second half, when using properly inflated balls. Brady might like his balls under deflated but properly inflated footballs does not hurt his performance.

  21. 21.

    marduk

    May 14, 2015 at 4:43 pm

    @Betty Cracker: As the pats response demonstrates, the text messages are clearly not indicative of any wrongdoing. It requires utterly strained and motivated reasoning, while ignoring the timeline of the messages and taking them out of context, to even think they imply something nefarious. The Wells report is an obvious joke and now it’s all going to come out.

  22. 22.

    marduk

    May 14, 2015 at 4:44 pm

    http://drewfustin.com/deflategate/

  23. 23.

    ribber

    May 14, 2015 at 4:48 pm

    There are some Pat fans that are crying “Sting! Set-up!” and frankly I’d be perfectly happy if the league had run a competent sting on them. But instead they ran a wholly ineffective sting.The one thing that sticks is that officials were told in advance to be watching out for the Pats doing something wrong, and yet they do a piss-poor job trying to catch anything. They couldn’t be bothered to WRITE DOWN the measurement. They couldn’t be bothered to consistently use the same gauge. Seven refs looking out for this, and they let a guy just walk out the door with the balls and they don’t bother to follow him. If they suspected someone was deflating the balls after the inspection, grab the guy the minute he comes out of the bathroom and you have him dead-to-rights, but no, they couldn’t do that.

  24. 24.

    Betty Cracker

    May 14, 2015 at 4:48 pm

    @marduk: Comedy gold!

  25. 25.

    kindness

    May 14, 2015 at 4:48 pm

    Am I alone in thinking the deflategate thing is boring?

    Was it legal? Probably not but I’m not all that bothered by it.
    Is it ethical? Well again, not bothered by it.
    Am I an unhinged compass who shouldn’t be judging others ethics? Probably.

  26. 26.

    David Koch

    May 14, 2015 at 4:48 pm

    @marduk: Video of Ted Wells questioning the equipment managers has emerged. It’s dynamite.

  27. 27.

    CONGRATULATIONS!

    May 14, 2015 at 4:49 pm

    Looks like they’re planning on suing the league.

    @marduk: Serious question. For what?

  28. 28.

    weaselone

    May 14, 2015 at 4:50 pm

    So there is a text that states that the equipment manager deflated the balls to below the allowable limit for use in an actual game?

  29. 29.

    Richard mayhew

    May 14, 2015 at 4:53 pm

    @marduk: yep, the physics say the logo gauge measurements show nothing odd and the ref was pretty sure he used the logo gauge. If pretty sure is more than 50% probability, Wells loses majority of evidence.

    As a side note the NFL has made it personal to two people. #1 has $4 billion in the bank and #2 has 500 million plus to play with, so they can drag this out instead of being spent into the ground to settle.

  30. 30.

    Mike J

    May 14, 2015 at 4:53 pm

    @kindness:

    Am I alone in thinking the deflategate thing is boring?

    At least it has something to do with football. I can understand the league handing down punishment for it.

    Many people are upset that the NFL doesn’t supersede the justice system and hand down harsh punishments for things that should land one in prison.

  31. 31.

    David Koch

    May 14, 2015 at 4:53 pm

    @JPL: It’s not about Brady. As in Watergate, it’s not about a break-in, its about everything beneath the surface. In this case, it’s about how the Pats used deflated balls to systematically cut down turnovers.

  32. 32.

    marduk

    May 14, 2015 at 4:55 pm

    @Betty Cracker: Why don’t you try actually reading the texts?

  33. 33.

    Richard mayhew

    May 14, 2015 at 4:55 pm

    @ribber: yep, no chain of evidence for the refs and NFL security including a guy who had read the colts emailed concerns doing jackshit as the ball boy walked out of the ref room.

  34. 34.

    trollhattan

    May 14, 2015 at 4:57 pm

    @jl:
    Linking two unlinkable sports–Chicks dig the deflataball!

  35. 35.

    Goblue72

    May 14, 2015 at 4:57 pm

    @Betty Cracker: Your team cheats – http://yourteamcheats.com

    They all do. If you think slightly under-inflated balls are why the Pats are so dominant while your team sucks, then I have swampland in Florida to sell you.

    The Bucs 2-14 record ain’t cuz of some deflated balls.

  36. 36.

    Richard mayhew

    May 14, 2015 at 4:58 pm

    @David Koch: that study is very questionable. Why does sharp remove all dome teams. If just removing dome games, Pats not an outlier. #2 problem fumble mix composition… Rb v receiver v strip sack.

  37. 37.

    marduk

    May 14, 2015 at 4:58 pm

    @CONGRATULATIONS!: http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2015/05/12/patriots-could-pursue-an-appeal-of-their-own/

  38. 38.

    Gin & Tonic

    May 14, 2015 at 4:59 pm

    @raven: “Conscious sedation” doesn’t mean you won’t be sleepy afterward, it means that they can communicate with you while you’re “under” but you’ll have no memory of any sensation. Pretty cool, actually.

  39. 39.

    marduk

    May 14, 2015 at 5:01 pm

    @David Koch: Oh Jeebus, the Zombie Sharp fumble analysis again.

    The Sharp study was junk.

    Pure, embarassing junk.

  40. 40.

    Tree With Water

    May 14, 2015 at 5:02 pm

    Lionel Hutz lives. Like dictators who stick around too long instead of retiring to southern France while they still can, I don’t understand why Brady has yet to pack it in. Here he’s gambled with his own future- with quality of life issues the stakes- playing this game at an incredible level throughout a storied career, only to suffer in reputation as a result of the insulting posturing of football ciphers, friend and foe alike.

    And I do consider Goodell and the cabal of ownership groups he fronts as football ciphers, albeit ones who have developed a taste for golden goose and mean to appease it.

  41. 41.

    Betty Cracker

    May 14, 2015 at 5:03 pm

    @marduk: I have, but it’s more amusing to watch the homers furiously spin it.

    @Goblue72: Did I ever say otherwise? I’m just laughing at the red-white-and-blue tinted glasses on display. For the record, I don’t hate the Patriots, and I think Brady is a terrific quarterback.They didn’t need to cheat, but it sure looks like they did.

  42. 42.

    jl

    May 14, 2015 at 5:04 pm

    @trollhattan: What really bothers me about this is that… what about duh Raiduhs? They ain’t even the top most persecuted team by the NFL anymore. I feel bereft and abandoned and utterly alone. Or, I would if I were still a Raiduhs fan.

    Even though I dislike the Pats and Brady, looks like the NFL is trying to blame someone else for their sloppy and incompetent oversight of their own rules for game balls. Which squares with John Madden’s statements several months ago that the NFL basically does not care about the game balls, except for PR and money.

    Edit: Though, just because the NFL management sucks, the Pats could have still cheated. You’ll pry my grudge out of my cold dead hands.

  43. 43.

    marduk

    May 14, 2015 at 5:06 pm

    @Betty Cracker: Based on what? What, specifically, do you think indicates that the patriots cheated?

  44. 44.

    SiubhanDuinne

    May 14, 2015 at 5:09 pm

    New Detroit-Windsor Bridge (opening 2020) will be named after Gordie Howe. That is cool. Hope he’s still alive then (he’ll be 92) so he can cut the ribbon.

  45. 45.

    David Koch

    May 14, 2015 at 5:12 pm

    @Richard mayhew: New England Patriots Fumble More Often When Playing for Other Teams

    The Wall Street Journal looked at six specific Patriots who switched teams since 2010, getting a substantial amount of touches for both the Patriots and other teams.

    The six players considered by the WSJ fumbled once every 185.3 touches while on the Patriots, and once every 77.3 touches while on other teams.

    The Patriots didn’t return a request for comment.

    it’s just a coincidence. Just like it’s just a coincidence that 8 people working for Christie shut down the GW bridge without his knowledge.

  46. 46.

    CONGRATULATIONS!

    May 14, 2015 at 5:13 pm

    @marduk: That’s referring to overturning the appeal.

    You mentioned a lawsuit. The article you link to mentions no grounds for one.

    I’m not seeing one, either. So, again, on what legal grounds would the Patriots pursue a lawsuit?

  47. 47.

    Brachiator

    May 14, 2015 at 5:14 pm

    @Zandar:

    Tom Brady In “Deflator-Mess”

    If an intentional play on the Strauss opera, bravo!

  48. 48.

    Grumpy Code Monkey

    May 14, 2015 at 5:15 pm

    @Goblue72:

    As long as winning matters, teams and players will cheat. In all sports, at all levels. Coaches, players, trainers, pit crews, equipment managers, everybody is doing everything they can to gain that edge, especially when their paycheck is tied to winning. Juicing, doctoring equipment, deflating balls or tires when someone isn’t watching, everything is fair game. If there’s a rule, it will be flouted. If there’s a standard, it will be violated.

    The only game that is structurally immune from cheating is Calvinball.

    Your team cheats (winners and losers). Some do it better than others. Some do it so well that they get away with it for years before anyone notices.

  49. 49.

    Betty Cracker

    May 14, 2015 at 5:18 pm

    @marduk: This exact same discussion played out in the previous Deflategate thread, and I’m really not interested in rehashing the same points. My opinion hasn’t changed, and neither has yours, I suspect, so we’ll just have to agree to disagree.

  50. 50.

    weaselone

    May 14, 2015 at 5:19 pm

    @David Koch: just out of curiosity, do you honestly believe that a less than 1 psi change in ball pressure would result in a 60% decrease in fumbles?

  51. 51.

    The Dangerman

    May 14, 2015 at 5:21 pm

    @Arclite:

    It would have sounded more real if they talked about his ED.

    You and I are thinking alike; I would have attributed it to emergency medical care for a 4 hour erection, the Deflator, needed to rub out the balls, so to speak.

    ETA: I’ve never understood the 4 hour erection thing; maybe I haven’t lived, but I’m thinking I’m freaking out WELL inside of 4 hours.

  52. 52.

    trollhattan

    May 14, 2015 at 5:21 pm

    @SiubhanDuinne:
    He should get in a fight with it, then high-stick it open. (Keed; I keed, hockey fans.)

  53. 53.

    JPL

    May 14, 2015 at 5:22 pm

    @marduk: The Fox news analysis?

  54. 54.

    trollhattan

    May 14, 2015 at 5:23 pm

    @Brachiator:
    Pretty high-falutin’ for us mooks but yeah, serious quatloos for the header.

  55. 55.

    jl

    May 14, 2015 at 5:23 pm

    @Grumpy Code Monkey: So, all sports should be Calvinball? There should be no sanctions for cheaters who are caught? And sports leagues have no obligation to try, with competence and good faith, to enforce the rules?

    I suspect the Pats cheat, but I have to admit to myself that my intense dislike for them makes me biased, and I really do not know.
    Pretty clear the NFL, has its head up its ass, yet again. And Goodell too, yet again.

    Anyway, if we go your way, maybe tackling will make baseball more popular.

  56. 56.

    raven

    May 14, 2015 at 5:23 pm

    @kindness: Yes, it’s bullshit and gives people that don’t like football something to yammer on and on about.

  57. 57.

    Roger Moore

    May 14, 2015 at 5:24 pm

    @Richard mayhew:
    I think they had the same people managing their attempt to catch the Pats as they normally have looking for PED use; the goal there is sufficient incompetence that only a real loser would get caught.

  58. 58.

    Patrick

    May 14, 2015 at 5:24 pm

    @marduk:

    Looks like they’re planning on suing the league.

    Welcome to America. Anybody can sue anybody whether they have a case or not…

  59. 59.

    burnspbesq

    May 14, 2015 at 5:25 pm

    @CONGRATULATIONS!:

    on what legal grounds would the Patriots pursue a lawsuit?

    All you need to institute litigation is a word processor and a credit card to pay the filing fee online. A case is nice, but unnecessary.

  60. 60.

    JPL

    May 14, 2015 at 5:26 pm

    @raven: You are obviously feeling better. Will you be able to go fishing on your vacation?

  61. 61.

    trollhattan

    May 14, 2015 at 5:28 pm

    @jl:
    Somewhere, I presume Al Davis’ jumpsuit-clad corpse is rotting and ready to receive a recycled beer salute. I’d participate.

  62. 62.

    JPL

    May 14, 2015 at 5:29 pm

    The NFL created a system that allows teams to manipulate balls. Gosh, Eli has certain specifications about how he wants the football made. If the NFL were really concerned, they would fix this.

  63. 63.

    raven

    May 14, 2015 at 5:30 pm

    @JPL: Here’s part of what I told Betty back yonder”

    Well, we’ve paid for the house and we are going. wo fingers are still really numb and they gave me a nice bottle of painkillers and they made it sound like reattaching the nerve was going to be painful but it ain’t bad right now. The real answer is that “everyone must believe in something, I believe I’ll go fishing”!

  64. 64.

    Eric U.

    May 14, 2015 at 5:30 pm

    I should hate the Pats, but ever since they got close to the perfect season I can’t stop rooting for that to happen. And I think that they are the team to do it. I hate it when the old drunk Dolphins get on TV celebrating the last undefeated team losing.

    I think the NFL screwed this up. The inflation of the ball is just not all that important to play. They should have announced the results of the investigation on the Friday before a big holiday and given them a minor penalty

    That being said, I love this controversy for some reason and hope it drags on forever

  65. 65.

    CONGRATULATIONS!

    May 14, 2015 at 5:31 pm

    All you need to institute litigation is a word processor and a credit card to pay the filing fee online. A case is nice, but unnecessary.

    @burnspbesq: Jesus, trust me, if there’s one thing I know after the last few years it is precisely that.

    Marduk seemed to think that the Pats have grounds to sue someone for cause and the huge amount of punishment moneys that would generate. All I’m asking him/her is what the cause, the cause that will force the cruel NFL to quake in terror, is.

  66. 66.

    Cacti

    May 14, 2015 at 5:33 pm

    A liar, a cheat, and a murderer walk into a bar.

    Bartender looks up and says, “I didn’t know the Patriots were in town this weekend”.

  67. 67.

    Bill

    May 14, 2015 at 5:33 pm

    @Grumpy Code Monkey:

    As long as winning matters, teams and players will cheat. In all sports, at all levels. Coaches, players, trainers, pit crews, equipment managers, everybody is doing everything they can to gain that edge, especially when their paycheck is tied to winning. Juicing, doctoring equipment, deflating balls or tires when someone isn’t watching, everything is fair game. If there’s a rule, it will be flouted. If there’s a standard, it will be violated.

    The only game that is structurally immune from cheating is Calvinball.

    Your team cheats (winners and losers). Some do it better than others. Some do it so well that they get away with it for years before anyone notices.

    All of this is true, and none of it is an excuse when you’re the one that gets caught.

    When a cop pulls me over for doing 77 in a 65 it’s not a defense to say: “But there was a guy a few miles back doing 80!”

  68. 68.

    Arclite

    May 14, 2015 at 5:38 pm

    Man, I hope Obama’s support for the TPP is 11th dimensional chess to push the Overton window, elevate populist Dems like Warren & Brown, and shed light on income inequality. Because he’s really going to the mattresses. If he really does support it, WTF?

  69. 69.

    Betty Cracker

    May 14, 2015 at 5:38 pm

    @Eric U.: Ha! I’m the opposite — I want the old drunk Dolphins to hold that record forever! I was so happy when the Pats’ perfect season crashed, even though I don’t particularly hate them.

  70. 70.

    David Koch

    May 14, 2015 at 5:42 pm

    @weaselone: This reminds me of when Manziel was drafted and I said he would be an immediate bust and only someone as stoopid as the Browns would draft him. And people replied, do you really think a one percent difference in height would make that big of difference.

  71. 71.

    Tree With Water

    May 14, 2015 at 5:45 pm

    @CONGRATULATIONS!: Barry Bonds has filed a law suit and is claiming that collusion among owners cost him a job in MLB. Now that lawsuit will be entertaining. I’m a Giants fan, and one of the funniest radio reports I’ve ever heard began with a local sportscaster sputtering in rage as he began his report railing at Bond’s rude behavior towards him (towards him, and everyone else at one point or another, or so it seems). I recall he used the phrase, “never speak again to that rude jerk”- or words to that hilarious effect. Bonds was a real charmer back in the day.

  72. 72.

    raven

    May 14, 2015 at 5:45 pm

    Here, talk about this:

    Former UN ambassador John Bolton will not enter Republican presidential race

  73. 73.

    David Koch

    May 14, 2015 at 5:50 pm

    @raven:

    It was always a grift. Someone with theses skeletons could never run.

    Corroborated allegations that Mr. Bolton’s first wife, Christina Bolton, was forced to engage in group sex have not been refuted by the State Department despite inquires posed by Hustler magazine publisher Larry Flynt concerning the allegations. Mr. Flynt has obtained information from numerous sources that Mr. Bolton participated in paid visits to Plato’s Retreat, the popular swingers club that operated in New York City in the late 1970s and early 1980s.

  74. 74.

    raven

    May 14, 2015 at 5:52 pm

    @David Koch: @David Koch:That ‘s more interesting than whining about air pressure.

  75. 75.

    JPL

    May 14, 2015 at 5:53 pm

    @David Koch: Wow! His balls must have been over inflated.

  76. 76.

    The Pale Scot

    May 14, 2015 at 5:58 pm

    @Gin & Tonic:

    they can communicate with you while you’re “under” but you’ll have no memory of any sensation.

    That pretty much covers my life in the 70’s and 80’s

  77. 77.

    Calouste

    May 14, 2015 at 6:00 pm

    @raven: That would be:

    former never-confirmed UN ambassador John Bolton or former temporary UN ambassador John Bolton.

  78. 78.

    Tree With Water

    May 14, 2015 at 6:00 pm

    @David Koch:

    “Hagen”?

    “Hello, Ambassador Bolton. Don’t worry, it will be as if the girl was never born. Just tell anyone who might ask that you spent the night as a guest of Michael and Kay Corleone”.

  79. 79.

    kc

    May 14, 2015 at 6:01 pm

    I don’t follow football, so maybe someone else can explain this to me: If the ball inflation is such a big effing deal, why in the name of the FSM does the NFL leave it up to the teams?

    I mean . . . duh.

  80. 80.

    Cacti

    May 14, 2015 at 6:02 pm

    @Tree With Water:

    Barry Bonds has filed a law suit and is claiming that collusion among owners cost him a job in MLB. Now that lawsuit will be entertaining. I’m a Giants fan, and one of the funniest radio reports I’ve ever heard began with a local sportscaster sputtering in rage as he began his report railing at Bond’s rude behavior towards him (towards him, and everyone else at one point or another, or so it seems). I recall he used the phrase, “never speak again to that rude jerk”- or words to that hilarious effect. Bonds was a real charmer back in the day.

    I think Bonds has the makings of a pretty strong case. In his last season, he still led MLB in on base percentage and walks, and hit 28 HR with a .276 batting average, but couldn’t even get an offer for the league minimum from any club.

  81. 81.

    kc

    May 14, 2015 at 6:03 pm

    @kindness:

    Am I alone in thinking the deflategate thing is boring?

    Nope.

  82. 82.

    kc

    May 14, 2015 at 6:04 pm

    @Mike J:

    At least it has something to do with football. I can understand the league handing down punishment for it.

    Many people are upset that the NFL doesn’t supersede the justice system and hand down harsh punishments for things that should land one in prison.

    Shit, if the NFL can’t even manage the level of ball inflation in its own freakin’ games, it can’t be expected to police its players domestic relations.

  83. 83.

    BillinGlendaleCA

    May 14, 2015 at 6:05 pm

    @kindness:

    Am I alone in thinking the deflategate thing is boring?

    Nope.

  84. 84.

    scav

    May 14, 2015 at 6:08 pm

    There’s also a tidy little brave little police officer in Alton using pepper spray in a heroic effort to, well something under undoubtedly personally dangerous conditions faced every day.

    Surveillance video showing an Alton police officer pepper spraying two handcuffed teen inmates could cost the southwestern Illinois town’s police chief his job

    Yup, that’s me with the bolding.And that is the police chief being threatened with job loss, the actually officer is just not working at the jail anymore. The incident (Jan 26) “in under investigation” — they finally learned about it in March and it took two months for a written report to hit the desk. Lord, how long would it take if they actually had to walk across the street to a crime scene?

  85. 85.

    Tree With Water

    May 14, 2015 at 6:10 pm

    @Cacti: I am a 60 year old baseball fan and say without hesitation that Bond’s is the greatest hitter I’ve ever seen at the plate, and that includes having grown up watching his godfather play. Which makes the steroid use all the more of a shame. It was all ego. He took one look at the attention that Sosa and McGwire were getting as a result of the drugs, and he couldn’t stand it, knowing as he did that he was the far best hitter of the three.

  86. 86.

    Aleta

    May 14, 2015 at 6:21 pm

    @raven: Did they tell you to keep ahead of the pain? Cause that advice worked for me. When the surgery drugs wear off, it got harsh. But I ‘m sure you know how to handle it. After awhile, ice/heat worked great in the general area too.

  87. 87.

    MCA1

    May 14, 2015 at 6:25 pm

    @JPL: And someone who engages in insider trading based on what turns out to be false information isn’t actually insider trading? Whether or not the deflation actually had an impact is utterly irrelevant.

  88. 88.

    Aleta

    May 14, 2015 at 6:27 pm

    @scav:

    “I am extremely disappointed that someone would release a video including juveniles to anyone outside of the legal process,” Simmons said in a written statement.

    WTF? Now he’s concerned about protecting juveniles.

  89. 89.

    JPL

    May 14, 2015 at 6:27 pm

    @MCA1: Then the NFL has to control the footballs.

  90. 90.

    Ajabu

    May 14, 2015 at 6:29 pm

    @The Dangerman:
    Some wag added re: “Seek medical attention for an erection lasting more than four hours”
    preferably from an attractive nurse…

  91. 91.

    raven

    May 14, 2015 at 6:30 pm

    @Aleta: You know I wonder about that. It’s been over 6 hours so I guess the stuff from the surgery has worn off. My fingers are tingling but I don’t consider it pain. The bottle says “as needed” so I don’t know?

  92. 92.

    Ajabu

    May 14, 2015 at 6:37 pm

    @kindness:
    Personally, I don’t do oblong ball.
    If it’s not NBA, I go away.

  93. 93.

    MCA1

    May 14, 2015 at 6:40 pm

    @Goblue72: Please tell us who’s actually made the argument that this had more than a negligible effect on on-field success. No one’s ever trotted that straw man out. All these Pats fans keep intimating everyone thinks the Colts would have won or something.

    Re: the “every team cheats” last defense of scoundrels you keep pulling out: there’s driving 60 in a 55, and there’s driving 60 in a 55, refusing to pull over for the trooper, denying you did it, and then threatening to sue the cops after you publish a report quoting a fucking Nobel winning scientist talking about how unreliable speed guns are. One is generally accepted in society, the other is not and makes you seem like a condescending, bitter end insufferable ass, not to mention a psychopath.

  94. 94.

    MCA1

    May 14, 2015 at 6:43 pm

    @JPL: No question. The entire concept of letting teams supply their own footballs is ridiculous. It’s the central piece of equipment for the entire game, and is used by all skill players.

    Just so we’re clear, though: you’re not blaming the NFL for Tom Brady cheating, right? You’re just saying that when the dust settles, maybe they should revisit the policy that they perhaps naively put in place?

  95. 95.

    JPL

    May 14, 2015 at 6:45 pm

    @raven: Take one before bed. That’s the time when you might feel it and sleep is a good thing.

  96. 96.

    raven

    May 14, 2015 at 6:46 pm

    @Aleta: My bride urged me to eat one so I did. Thanks

  97. 97.

    JPL

    May 14, 2015 at 6:47 pm

    @MCA1: If he cheated, his suspension might be a little much. The NFL slapped the teams who were shown to heat their footballs on the wrist. The NFL has never been consistent with their penalties.

  98. 98.

    Aleta

    May 14, 2015 at 6:47 pm

    @ raven The print out they gave you when you left the hospital might have advice on that. I’ve been told to take the pain med before it starts, because it’s easier to control the pain that way. Depends on the Drs philosophy toward pain treatment, I guess. If you don’t expect addiction problems, personally I found it works better to not tough it out right after surgery. But it may be out of line of me to offer advice if your doctor didn’t. I think the post surgical meds last a good while. But in several cases my drs have said to start the first dose of pain med before the surgical ones wear off. Apologies if it’s not appropriate for me to offer input.

  99. 99.

    Betty Cracker

    May 14, 2015 at 6:51 pm

    @MCA1: I like the cut of your jib! ;-)

  100. 100.

    MCA1

    May 14, 2015 at 6:54 pm

    @JPL: Did those teams admit to doing so when caught, or did they deny it and demand a public apology? Did those teams have a history of past, more serious, transgressions and little remorse?

  101. 101.

    raven

    May 14, 2015 at 6:55 pm

    @Aleta: I don’t sweat the addition part. I have a couple of bottles around from other catastrophes. Directions say “use as directed”. Bottle says “when needed”. They are Norco 5/325 (Hydrocodone Bitartrate and Acetaminophen).

    And thanks for the input. I ain’t here for the football commentary.

  102. 102.

    FlipYrWhig

    May 14, 2015 at 7:02 pm

    @JPL:

    heat their footballs on the wrist.

    Like baby bottles?

  103. 103.

    C.S.

    May 14, 2015 at 7:03 pm

    @MCA1:

    Please tell us who’s actually made the argument that this had more than a negligible effect on on-field success.

    Everyone who says (or intimated) that the Pats don’t fumble as much because of the deflation.

  104. 104.

    JPL

    May 14, 2015 at 7:04 pm

    @FlipYrWhig: haha… and received a slap on the wrist..
    hahah

  105. 105.

    JPL

    May 14, 2015 at 7:06 pm

    @MCA1: You’re right. They didn’t accuse Fox sports or ESPN of doctoring the videos.

  106. 106.

    Origuy

    May 14, 2015 at 7:25 pm

    @raven:

    The bottle says “as needed” so I don’t know?

    The key to pain management is staying ahead of the pain. When it starts to bother you, act immediately. If you wait until you can’t stand it, you’ve waited too long.

  107. 107.

    Bobby Thomson

    May 14, 2015 at 7:26 pm

    @burnspbesq: rule 11.

  108. 108.

    Tree With Water

    May 14, 2015 at 7:29 pm

    @MCA1: “One is generally accepted in society, the other is not and makes you seem like a condescending, bitter end insufferable ass, not to mention a psychopath”.

    There’s no such thing as unacceptable behavior when rules and rulings are arbitrarily imposed. Roger Goodell should have the phrase RRAI emblazoned on his business cards.

  109. 109.

    Cacti

    May 14, 2015 at 7:43 pm

    @Tree With Water:

    I am a 60 year old baseball fan and say without hesitation that Bond’s is the greatest hitter I’ve ever seen at the plate, and that includes having grown up watching his godfather play. Which makes the steroid use all the more of a shame. It was all ego. He took one look at the attention that Sosa and McGwire were getting as a result of the drugs, and he couldn’t stand it, knowing as he did that he was the far best hitter of the three.

    +1

    Not 60 years old, but I saw the entire career of Barry Bonds as it happened. If Bonds’ car had gone off a cliff following the 1999 season, he would have been a mortal lock for first ballot HOF induction. The writers never liked him, but couldn’t argue his talents. By cheating, he gave them the angle they needed to justify keeping him out of Cooperstown.

  110. 110.

    SiubhanDuinne

    May 14, 2015 at 7:51 pm

    @kindness:
    @kc:

    Personally, I think it’s boring because I think football is boring. I can see why it would be an interesting story to people who follow the game, and I have no trouble with that.

    What I don’t get is that this story has been so unceasingly covered in the mainstream news. A headline story, a short analytical feature, fine. But both CNN and MSNBC were doing show after show, “breaking news” after “breaking news,” panel discussion after panel discussion, expert analyst after expert analyst, nonstop.

    Of course, that’s also how they cover missing planes, train derailments, Baltimore and Ferguson protests, and anything that might turn into an Obama or Clinton scandal. So, par for the course, I guess.

    (Edited because my sentences were all out of order. Don’t know how that happened.)

  111. 111.

    raven

    May 14, 2015 at 8:03 pm

    @SiubhanDuinne: No, it’s interesting to people who hate football and they get to whine and bitch about it.

  112. 112.

    raven

    May 14, 2015 at 8:04 pm

    @Origuy: Thanks, I hit one but I just don’t think this is that bad. We’ll see.

  113. 113.

    Heliopause

    May 14, 2015 at 8:13 pm

    It would be nice to know two things.

    What material advantage, if any, does deflating the ball confer? I’ve seen a hundred opinions on this, but as far as I know there have only been very limited attempts to measure it.

    Assuming the Patriots have been systematically deflating balls, how long has it been going on?

    If the answer to the first question is “none,” or “vanishingly tiny,” or “impossible to measure” then maybe we can eventually put this thing to bed. The Pats got busted for breaking a rule and the punishment was modest by football standards so there we are.

    If the answer to the first question is “measurable and it’s X” then things get more interesting and we need to proceed to question 2.

    If the answer to question two is “as far as we know it only happened in the AFCCG,” then maybe we can begin to put this thing to bed again. Most people think that the advantage, whatever it may be, had no effect on that lone game (that’s actually a misunderstanding of contingency but not something I care to get into right now) and so the argument would probably fade away fairly quickly.

    If the answer to question two is “a long time” or even “since 2007” then things get more interesting still. Speculatively, let’s take the infamous fumble stats (pointing out, the status of Fumbleghazi is “proves nothing at this point unless further analysis comes along,” but we’re speculating here). If it could be shown that the Pats have been systematically deflating balls since exactly 2007, and if it could be shown that this confers a measurable advantage in terms of reducing fumbling, and that a good chunk of the Pats’ reduction in fumbling relative to league was due to using cheat balls, that would in fact be an enormous unfair advantage, in football terms.

    But I don’t expect we’ll ever get close to that stage. Mainly because I’m skeptical the alleged advantage is even measurable, but also because I think only a few stats nerds are interested in going down that path and the vested interests would rather just leave it where it is. But who knows.

  114. 114.

    SFAW

    May 14, 2015 at 8:34 pm

    “Deflator-Mess” is certainly an inspired pun or wordplay or whatever.

    But it’s probably more appropriate for baseball. Well, except for the inflation part, but still.

  115. 115.

    SFAW

    May 14, 2015 at 8:36 pm

    @Tree With Water:

    Bonds was a real charmer back in the day.

    As I understand it, he had his (not-unreasonable) reasons, as far as Teh Press was concerned.

  116. 116.

    Tree With Water

    May 14, 2015 at 8:45 pm

    @SiubhanDuinne: A few years ago my Mom’s long time radio station switched format from “all talk, all the time” to mostly idiot-parrot newscasts. She listens in yet, however, although her world is now confined to a nursing home. She had always been one who enjoyed sports only for the enjoyment it brought others, but not any longer. She’s royally fed up with the wide worlds of sports, and would outlaw them all if she could. What’s funny is I can now ask her questions about breaking sports news, and she’ll know the answers, because it’s such a big part of the swill the station now shovels 27/7. It insults her intelligence and drives her crazy, even as the lights fades around her.

  117. 117.

    SiubhanDuinne

    May 14, 2015 at 8:52 pm

    @raven:

    Well, I don’t hate football, I just don’t follow it. Don’t know enough about it to have an opinion.

  118. 118.

    dogwood

    May 14, 2015 at 8:54 pm

    What confuses me is this. In the NFL is it more accurate to liken the football to a golf ball or a tennis ball?

  119. 119.

    Tree With Water

    May 14, 2015 at 8:55 pm

    @SFAW: I would not have blamed Bonds a bit had he refused to deal at all with the Bay Area press after the front page coverage his divorce received right after he was traded here from the Pirates. It was his own damn business that had nothing to do with baseball, yet there it was- a running soap for morons. It was absolutely inexcusable behavior on the part of the press, and might well account for the bad blood.

  120. 120.

    Keith G

    May 14, 2015 at 8:57 pm

    ♬ Blame Canada ♬

  121. 121.

    Tree With Water

    May 14, 2015 at 9:00 pm

    @Keith G: I say leave Canada alone, so long as they continue taking good care of our water and natural resources… which pretty well sums up my feelings about Arabs and our oil, too.

  122. 122.

    SFAW

    May 14, 2015 at 9:08 pm

    @Tree With Water:

    The story I heard had nothing to do with his divorce, and (if what I heard was accurate) predated any marriage.

    To be clearer: what I heard was that his father was treated like shit by the press, and Barry, being a loving son, had a long memory regarding that mistreatment.

    Disclaimer: I do not know if what I heard is/was reality, but it’s something I heard 20-plus years ago, before steroids became such a BFD in MLB.

  123. 123.

    fuckwit

    May 14, 2015 at 10:18 pm

    You had me at “Loose Balls”.

    It’s too hilarious a visual.

  124. 124.

    Goblue72

    May 14, 2015 at 10:20 pm

    @MCA1: the Wells report ain’t a radar gun, asshat.

  125. 125.

    Mobile Grumpy Code Monkey

    May 15, 2015 at 12:10 am

    @jl: I never said there shouldn’t be any punishment. You get caught, you pay the price. I’m just saying we should never be surprised when our favorite team/athlete/whatever gets caught.

  126. 126.

    Morzer

    May 15, 2015 at 12:35 am

    @marduk:

    The pats response absolutely annihilated the Wells report.

    I spy the classic confusion of vindicated with annihilated.

  127. 127.

    Tree With Water

    May 15, 2015 at 2:19 am

    @SFAW: I well remember Bobby Bonds as a player, and if he had problems with the press, I don’t recall a single instance. Granted, it was a long time ago. After he died 10 years or so ago, stories of alcoholism surfaced that indicated it curtailed his career. That said, whatever it is that makes Barry tick alienated a lot of different people over the course of his career, most of whom subsequently (surprise-surprise) don’t want anything to do with the man… and I don’t think he’ll prevail in his lawsuit because of that churlish reputation.

  128. 128.

    Joel

    May 15, 2015 at 7:19 am

    Wait, Pete Carroll is the Deflator? I knew it all along!

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