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You are here: Home / Civil Rights / Racial Justice / This Week In Blackness / Are You Good With A Sword? Do We Have A Job For You!

Are You Good With A Sword? Do We Have A Job For You!

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Are you out of work? Do you love to travel? How’s your sword work? We ask because Saudi Arabia is looking for eight men to be executioners to carry out public beheadings. The beheadings are administered from everything to murder and rape to witchcraft, so it’s a diverse workforce too!

In 2015, the pace of executions accelerated to 85 in just a few months — already set to eclipse last year’s total of 88 beheadings. It is not clear why there has been a sharp increase, but new judges have swiftly been plowing through a case backlog, according to Reuters. The vacancies do not specify educational credentials or required skills, but the executioners are ideally adroit swordsmen, as the most common execution implement is a curved scimitar.

Team Blackness also discussed the demilitarization of the police, a woman who got jail time for raping a man, and a really inappropriate way that one Boston couple choose to wait for the train.

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44Comments

  3. 3.

    Sad_Dem

    Regarding the executioner position: Is it an internship, or does it offer a salary and benefits package to incentivize relocation of team-centric self-starters?

  5. 5.

    srv

    What’s the pay?

    I could live by the sword more easily than I could push buttons, click links and do Obama’s drone massacres.

  9. 9.

    Big ole hound

    Aah the terrible swift sword vs 15 years of appeals with both sides billing the taxpayers multi-millions for endless rounds of lawyering that produce almost no results. Just eliminate the death penalty in Saudi Arabia and the bloodthirsty states here and both problems solved.

  10. 10.

    dedc79

    Let’s not kid ourselves. As things currently stand, our only quibble with the Saudis is over their method of execution. And it’s not like our methods are all that humane either.

    But hey maybe on some Saudi blog they’re cracking jokes about America’s search for individuals to deliver lethal injections.

  12. 12.

    Germy Shoemangler

    Here is an 1890 fable from Ambrose Bierce:

    An Unspeakable Imbecile

    A Judge said to a Convicted Assassin:

    “Prisoner at the bar, have you anything to say why the death-sentence should not be passed upon you?”

    “Will what I say make any difference?” asked the Convicted Assassin.

    “I do not see how it can,” the Judge answered, reflectively. “No, it will not.”

    “Then,” said the doomed one, “I should just like to remark that you are the most unspeakable old imbecile in seven States and the District of Columbia.”

  15. 15.

    Germy Shoemangler

    Another 19th-century fable from Bierce:

    The Policeman and the Citizen

    A Policeman, finding a man that had fallen in a fit, said, “This man is drunk,” and began beating him on the head with his club. A passing Citizen said:

    “Why do you murder a man that is already harmless?”

    Thereupon the Policeman left the man in a fit and attacked the Citizen, who, after receiving several severe contusions, ran away.

    “Alas,” said the Policeman, “why did I not attack the sober one before exhausting myself upon the other?”

    Thenceforward he pursued that plan, and by zeal and diligence rose to be Chief, and sobriety is unknown in the region subject to his sway.

  16. 16.

    inkadu

    @dedc79: Beheadings are quite humane if done right. The problem is when you don’t hire qualified people and they miss. I’d prefer the guillotine because there’s much less chance of screwing up.

    Beheading is unsavory and offends our sensibilities, but in terms of ending someone’s life quickly, surely (depending on method) and painlessly, it can’t be beat.

    It’s far, far, far better than electrocution or the disaster of lethal injection.

    We are more savage than Saudi Araba, which is distressing and unsurprising in equal measure.

  17. 17.

    ruemara

    To be fair, I’m pretty handy with a saber, but I fear this is not an equal opportunity work environment. Truly, ’tis a deep cut.

  18. 18.

    Germy Shoemangler

    @inkadu:

    We are more savage than Saudi Araba, which is distressing and unsurprising in equal measure.

    But doesn’t Saudi Arabia execute for crimes like blasphemy, sorcery, idolatry, etc.?

    They’ve got a longer list of capital offenses than we do.

  19. 19.

    dedc79

    @inkadu: You’re right, and I immediately regretted not including that our methods are in many ways less humane.

    I was also being glib when I said “our only quibble.” We are better (still not good, but better) on due process, and we have a narrower list of offenses for which capital punishment is permitted.

  20. 20.

    Cervantes

    @ruemara:

    Truly, ’tis a deep cut.

    Anne Boleyn: “I heard say the executioner was very good and I have but a little neck.”

  21. 21.

    shell

    They say that the best swordsmen come from France. Or maybe I’m just recalling last week’s episode of ‘Wolf Hall.’

    The Saudi’s. Rocketing into the 1600’s!

  22. 22.

    Origuy

    Those wishing to apply for the position should recall the example of an executioner known for his ineptness, Jack Ketch.

    On that occasion [the execution of Lord Russell, accused as a traitor by Charles II], Ketch wielded the instrument of death either with such sadistically nuanced skill or with such lack of simple dexterity – nobody could tell which – that the victim suffered horrifically under blow after blow, each excruciating but not in itself lethal. Even among the bloodthirsty throngs that habitually attended English beheadings, the gory and agonizing display had created such outrage that Ketch felt moved to write and publish a pamphlet title Apologie, in which he excused his performance with the claim that Lord Russell had failed to “dispose himself as was most suitable” and that he was therefore distracted while taking aim on his neck.

  23. 23.

    Frankensteinbeck

    a woman who got jail time for raping a man

    Apparently the rate of rape, defined as unwilling penetration, is about 60/40 men-on-women and women-on-men. (Same-sex rape was not included in the study I read.) The legal definition often specifies that only men can rape women, though, and of course our societal prejudices are rather… strong on this one.

  24. 24.

    Amir Khalid

    @shell:
    Saudi Arabia is a collection of 6th century tribes with 21st century gadgets. If it wasn’t for having Makkah and all that dinosaur juice on their patch, they’d be just another bunch of yokels.

  27. 27.

    Cervantes

    @Frankensteinbeck:

    Apparently the rate of rape, defined as unwilling penetration, is about 60/40 men-on-women and women-on-men. (Same-sex rape was not included in the study I read.)

    Any chance of a cite? (Thanks.)

  28. 28.

    Roger Moore

    @Amir Khalid:
    Their problem is that the oil money has been funding atavism. If they actually had to deal with the world without all that unearned wealthy, they would be forced to adapt and might have become more modern instead of less so.

  29. 29.

    Origuy

    Nebraska’s unicameral legislature voted today to abolish the death penalty. The measure must go through one more vote; the first two votes had a veto-proof majority.

  30. 30.

    gene108

    everything to murder and rape to witchcraft

    You know, when America was founded witchcraft was a major concern for the Church.

    I do wonder, why today’s Church has abandoned traditional American values? They all act like witchcraft is not real; like science and stuff has somehow invalidated and changed our views on issues.

    I thought the Word of God was immutable.

  31. 31.

    gene108

    the executioners are ideally adroit swordsmen, as the most common execution implement is a curved scimitar

    What if you preferred to work with an ax and wanted to use one you owned?

    Do you need to get some sort of waiver from HR?

    Or do you have to negotiate those terms prior to be hired, such as the cost for ax maintenance will be paid by the employer or split between the parties.

  32. 32.

    boatboy_srq

    @gene108:

    science and stuff has somehow invalidated and changed our views on issues

    Electricity; television; nukuleyar weapons; cellphones; computers; Internet. Without these things the modern Reichwing would not exist. They have to keep pretending that these things are not witchcraft, because if they admit that they are the Xtian rubes will have them for breakfast.

  33. 33.

    CONGRATULATIONS!

    My swordwork is excellent – used to fence. Some of the hardest exercise out there.

    I have a feeling my expertise is not what they’re looking for. They’re looking for someone with more of the skillset of a shitty gardener. I’ve seen those videos. Those guys can’t wield a sword for shit, they look like someone who’s trying to cut a tree down with a dull axe.

    Sadly, I am employed, so they will not have the benefit of my knowledge.

  37. 37.

    inkadu

    @Germy Shoemangler: Calouste beat me to it. I should tone down the festive cultural relativism, though; we do execute people for being black (and wearing heavy metal t-shirts — the guy in Texas who was executed for burning his house down, killing his own daughters inside), but at least we *pretend* it’s about something else.

    That Showtime series on Henry has two episodes on the art of beheading. One half episode was spent waiting for the executioner, who was delayed on the road, and King Henry refused to replace him with someone else. They appreciated good work. (Don’t have time to wiki-verify since the dog is staring at me).

  39. 39.

    LWA (Liberal With Attitude)

    I just wonder why it is that when ISIS beheads someone, the entire world freaks out, but now we hear that the Saudis do it like a few per week.

    I don’t hear Lindsey Graham shrieking about bombing Riyadh.

  40. 40.

    Jay C

    @CONGRATULATIONS!:

    Those guys can’t wield a sword for shit, they look like someone who’s trying to cut a tree down with a dull axe.

    Well, at least they’re maintaining fidelity to the historical traditions of their trade:

    The French had a much better attitude towards executions, historically: their executioners were professionals in a long-time family trade: they knew their stuff, and with a few notorious exceptions, got a good and justified reputation as skilled pros at their job. Unfortunately for the Saudis (well, their convicts, actually), the Sansons got out of the business a long time ago…

  42. 42.

    Central Planning

    @Germy Shoemangler:

    “Will what I say make any difference?” asked the Convicted Assassin.

    “I do not see how it can,” the Judge answered, reflectively. “No, it will not.”

    “Then,” said the doomed one, “I should just like to remark that you are the most unspeakable old imbecile in seven States and the District of Columbia.”

    That reminds me of when I went to traffic court for a speeding ticket. After taking the plea bargain to get the ticket reduced to a “failure to obey a traffic control device”, I had to talk to the judge before I could leave.

    Judge: Do you have anything to say?
    Me: Will it make a difference?
    Judge: No it will not.
    Me: Then I don’t have anything to say.

  43. 43.

    Paul in KY

    @inkadu: Anecdotal evidence from various guillotinings indicated that a few people may have had consciousness for a few seconds after the beheading, so I don’t know about that. Although maybe having your head hacked off with a sword would cause loss of consciousness immediately in 100% of situations..

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