Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Only Democrats have agency, apparently.

… pundit janitors mopping up after the GOP

And now I have baud making fun of me. this day can’t get worse.

We’ve had enough carrots to last a lifetime. break out the sticks.

Putin must be throwing ketchup at the walls.

And we’re all out of bubblegum.

Come on, man.

They traffic in fear. it is their only currency. if we are fearful, they are winning.

T R E 4 5 O N

if you can’t see it, then you are useless in the fight to stop it.

You cannot shame the shameless.

Jesus, Mary, & Joseph how is that election even close?

I did not have this on my fuck 2022 bingo card.

Peak wingnut was a lie.

Come on, media. you have one job. start doing it.

So it was an October Surprise A Day, like an Advent calendar but for crime.

I’d hate to be the candidate who lost to this guy.

Wow, I can’t imagine what it was like to comment in morse code.

American History and Black History Cannot Be Separated

Too often we confuse noise with substance. too often we confuse setbacks with defeat.

White supremacy is terrorism.

Not so fun when the rabbit gets the gun, is it?

The willow is too close to the house.

Bark louder, little dog.

You are here: Home / Past Elections / Election 2016 / Late Night Open Thread: People Who Are Not Getting The GOP Nomination

Late Night Open Thread: People Who Are Not Getting The GOP Nomination

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… Can still provide joke fodder for the rest of us. Also too, this year’s Sarah “There Is Medical Proof I Have A Uterus, What More Could You Ask?” Palin VP candidate, per the NYTimes:

Carly Fiorina spends a lot of her time as a Republican presidential candidate attacking Hillary Rodham Clinton, the leading Democratic candidate, and has earned considerable news coverage for it. On Wednesday, with Mrs. Clinton set to give a speech at a South Carolina hotel, Ms. Fiorina arranged a news conference outside – for little reason, it seemed, other than to taunt her…

But Ms. Fiorina quickly grew discomfited when the questions seemed to treat her more as a heckler pulling a stunt than as a formidable candidate making an otherwise significant campaign stop.

One reporter asked if Ms. Fiorina was being used by the men in the Republican field to harass Mrs. Clinton.

Ms. Fiorina insisted she had planned her trip here “many, many weeks ago, so perhaps she’s following me.” She said she had lots more to offer than merely Clinton-bashing: “Anyone who has sat through these avails over many months knows that I will take any question on any subject, and the vast majority of my speeches in front of anyone are about a host of issues.”

About 20 reporters and photographers circled her near a side entrance to the Marriott, leaning in to hear Ms. Fiorina, the former Hewlett-Packard chief executive who spoke softly, at times barely audible.

One reporter asked if she was here because of Mrs. Clinton.

“I planned to be here weeks and weeks ago!” she said. “I have a luncheon to go to, with the G.O.P. here.”

At this hotel?

“This trip has been on my itinerary for a very long time,” she said…

“Thanks, you guys — I have a lunch to go to,” she said, carefully stepping across the cables stretching to the satellite trucks that had arrived to record Mrs. Clinton’s appearance inside the hotel.

And while we’re discussing Very Important Serious Businesspeople who are Going Nowhere in Politics…

Reader Interactions

31Comments

  1. 1.

    sparrow

    That stunt is just incredibly lame and stupid… how could they think it would appear anything other than pathetic?

    In other news, the animal control came and captured the wayward bat. Poor thing was really upset and making a lot of high-pitched twitchy bat sounds, which was making my cat crazy. Stupid mouser, bats have rabies!

  2. 2.

    trollhattan

    Shorter Carly: “Me stalk you, long time.”

    Maybe this sad excuse for a party will finally blow itself to smithereens and reassemble itself, beginning mid-November 2016.

    And maybe somebody will give me a Millyun Dollars just for being me.

  4. 4.

    Mnemosyne (tablet)

    I would call Fiorina this year’s Herman Cain, but Cain did actually manage to run a successful business, unlike Fiorina’s trick of running an existing successful business into the ground while chirping about “innovation.”

  5. 5.

    Major Major Major Major

    Did you all see Carly’s lovely interview?

    “I have been doing business in China for decades, and I will tell you that yeah, the Chinese can take a test, but what they can’t do is innovate,” she said. “They are not terribly imaginative. They’re not entrepreneurial, they don’t innovate…”

    That’s not horribly racist or anything.

  6. 6.

    Villago Delenda Est

    @Major Major Major Major: Well, she has much in common with them. because she’s not terribly imaginative (“the internet is a fad!”) and she doesn’t innovate, except in the golden parachute department.

  7. 7.

    Villago Delenda Est

    As for FIFA needing the Marquis de Mittens, they need him only if they want to be carved up like a turkey and have all their assets sold off to further enrich the Marquis.

  8. 8.

    Ruckus

    @Major Major Major Major:
    Not only racist, but carlywrong as well.
    Carlywrong. 1. To screw something major up so totally fucking wrong that people are willing to pay way, way too much in the hope that you will go the hell away as fast and as quietly as humanly possible. 2. The process of destroying something that has taken years to get to the point it was at when you were hired because you lack the talent of a flat rock.

  9. 9.

    Cckids

    @Villago Delenda Est: Indeed. Also too, for Mitt to “turn FIFA around”, they’ll have to: A) agree to hold all future events in Utah, so as to make use of & enrich various Romney pals, and B) arrange some massive infusion of cash from some government.
    Easy peasy

  10. 10.

    Amir Khalid

    @Bubblegum Tate:
    She got Bill Kristol’s nod? Oh shit. Shut down the website, Carly, send back the cheques.

    On another note, why does Fiorina care so much that Hillary is a woman? It seems a bigger deal to her, Fiorina, than to anyone else running for President, including Hillary herself.

  13. 13.

    Betty Cracker

    Didn’t Trump make a similar claim and demurral last time he “ran” for president? Only ISIS wasn’t the enemy de jour. Anyway, whoever it was, he totally had a plan.

    And Fiorino, seriously, she just happened to be at the same hotel in South Carolina? What a joke. She’s fabulously rich thanks to getting paid off to go away and stop fucking up HP, so she’s probably not in it for the grift. She must be angling for the VP slot.

  14. 14.

    Amir Khalid

    Just in case Little Boots shows up, another Malay pop classic. A personal connection: the woman singing on this one, Khatijah Ibrahim, grew up in my neighbourhood.

  15. 15.

    Brachiator

    One of the sadder and nastier recent business stories involves the layoff of 700 employees of the advertising newsletter, Pennysaver. The guy behind it sounds like a mini Mitt Romney.

    PennySaver workers filed into the printing plant of company headquarters in Brea, squeezing tight amid the machinery, to find their boss, Chief Executive Ronald Myers, sitting silently at a table.

    Then, echoing through the 100,000-square-foot building, they heard the voice of Barry L. Kasoff, president of Realization Services Inc., a firm specializing in corporate restructurings. It was Kasoff who presided over the meeting by phone from the firm’s New York offices over two loudspeakers.

    The workers had been shocked late Friday to learn that the advertising newsletter publisher owned by private equity firm OpenGate Capital had abruptly shut, and they were suddenly jobless.
    …

    “There is no positive news for PennySaver today,” Kasoff’s voice boomed. The company might not even be able to honor paychecks that had recently been issued, he said. Employees were not given more notice, he said, because under the circumstance the law did not require it.

    …

    The stunning plant closure puts a spotlight on a company called OpenGate, based in Los Angeles, a relatively small player in the giant private equity business, which seeks to profit from the buying and selling of private companies.

    Ideally, private equity companies take underperforming, supposedly undervalued companies and spruce them up for sale, a concept not much different from getting a deal on a cruddy old house, fixing it up and selling it for a profit.

    Founded in 2005 by Canadian-born Andrew Nikou, a USC graduate, OpenGate owns companies across a range of industries, including TV Guide magazine, Europe’s Agis Fire & Safety fire protection systems company and a Brazilian telecommunications provider. Its companies generate about $3 billion in annual revenue, OpenGate reported. More than 30 deals have been completed to date. OpenGate said it specializes in “working with management teams to restore business fundamentals while building long term growth.”

    http://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-pennysaver-opengate-20150527-story.html

  16. 16.

    Villago Delenda Est

    @Betty Cracker: Well, angling for some job in a Rethug malassministration is certainly part of her plan, but I wouldn’t put it past her, even though she was paid a metric buttload of cash to go the fuck away by HP, to want even more money. These people are like junkies…they always need another fix of that sweet, sweet cash.

  18. 18.

    Brachiator

    @Major Major Major Major: Yeah,racist, an incredibly stupid, especially this:

    They’re not entrepreneurial…

    Weird. Historically, the stereotype is that the Chinese are ruthless capitalists who would have ground the most powerful 19th century robber baron into the dust.

  22. 22.

    Zinsky

    Yes, I think Thurston Howell III (i.e. Mitt) would be a perfect president for FIFA. Photogenic, utterly clueless and corrupt. Yes, that’s the ticket!

  23. 23.

    MattF

    Hey, Richard Nixon (and Henry Kissinger) had a secret plan for ending the war in Vietnam, so having a secret plan is totally OK, even traditional, for Republicans. The Nixon/Kissinger secret plan was “lie to everyone,” which is a gimme for The Donald.

  26. 26.

    debbie

    @Amir Khalid:

    On another note, why does Fiorina care so much that Hillary is a woman? It seems a bigger deal to her, Fiorina, than to anyone else running for President, including Hillary herself.

    She was the same way when running against Barbara Boxer. Fiorina got caught on camera making fun of Boxer’s haircut when, if you watch the video, you’ll see that her own ‘do was nothing to write home about:

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/06/09/carly-fiorina-open-mic-vi_n_606723.html

    At heart, Carly’s a catty chick. Nothing more.

  27. 27.

    BobS

    The FIFA bust is curiously timed and ultimately of little importance to most Americans. It’s hard not to wonder how much time our new AG spent on an investigation of alleged million dollar crimes committed by mostly non-US citizens occurring mostly outside of the US at the same time she (and virtually all law enforcement) was ignoring the home-grown billion dollar corruption that devastated the US economy. With regard to the timing (& optics — NY Times journalists were at ‘the scene of the crime’ in Switzerland prior to Swiss journalists) of the indictment, on the agenda of the FIFA World Congress in Geneva today is a possible vote on the suspension or expulsion of Israel for it’s treatment of Palestinians in the West Bank and Gaza.

  28. 28.

    Paul in KY

    @Amir Khalid: Just some racist BS for any jerkwad potential primary voter who might get a stiffy from her comments. In other words, typical Republican primary season pablum.

  29. 29.

    CONGRATULATIONS!

    Carly’s an idiot who doesn’t even realize what she’s being used for. She has less chance of being the GOP candidate than I do, because I’m white and male, and she is not one of those two necessary things.

  30. 30.

    low-tech cyclist

    @MattF:

    Hey, Richard Nixon (and Henry Kissinger) had a secret plan for ending the war in Vietnam, so having a secret plan is totally OK, even traditional, for Republicans. The Nixon/Kissinger secret plan was “lie to everyone,” which is a gimme for The Donald.

    I’m glad I’m not the only one who remembers Nixon’s “secret plan to end the war.”

    Second time as farce, and all that.

  31. 31.

    Bubblegum Tate

    @Mnemosyne (tablet):

    Fiorina’s trick of running an existing successful business into the ground while chirping about “innovation.”

    She’s still considered one of the greatest destroyers of shareholder value in Silicon Valley history, and that’s saying somethiing, given how many companies have crashed and burned. Also: providing good shareholder value is literally the only thing people like Fiorina think people like Fiorina have to do. They certainly aren’t supposed to be benevolent or anything like that; they’re just supposed to provide value. She only had to do one thing, and she failed spectacularly.

    No wonder the GOP likes her.

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