Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Republicans can’t even be trusted with their own money.

An unpunished coup is a training exercise.

He wakes up lying, and he lies all day.

Too often we hand the biggest microphones to the cynics and the critics who delight in declaring failure.

Their boy Ron is an empty plastic cup that will never know pudding.

New McCarthy, same old McCarthyism.

Republican obstruction dressed up as bipartisanship. Again.

There are consequences to being an arrogant, sullen prick.

Hey Washington Post, “Democracy Dies in Darkness” is supposed to be a warning, not a mission statement.

Reality always lies in wait for … Democrats.

This isn’t Democrats spending madly. This is government catching up.

Not so fun when the rabbit gets the gun, is it?

Ah, the different things are different argument.

They were going to turn on one another at some point. It was inevitable.

Putin dreamed of ending NATO, and now it’s Finnish-ed.

This country desperately needs a functioning Fourth Estate.

Something needs to be done about our bogus SCOTUS.

They traffic in fear. it is their only currency. if we are fearful, they are winning.

Polls are now a reliable indicator of what corporate Republicans want us to think.

The most dangerous place for a black man in America is in a white man’s imagination.

Bogus polls are all they’ve got left. Let’s bury these fuckers at the polls a year from now.

They love authoritarianism, but only when they get to be the authoritarians.

Jack be nimble, jack be quick, hurry up and indict this prick.

“The defense has a certain level of trust in defendant that the government does not.”

You are here: Home / Past Elections / Election 2016 / ¡Jeb! Bush Officially Announces His Candidacy (Yawn)

¡Jeb! Bush Officially Announces His Candidacy (Yawn)

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Team ¡Heb! must read Balloon Juice; they’ve incorporated the inverted exclamation mark for his Big Announcement Event, which is taking place right now [CSPAN live stream*]:

jeb!!!!!

So how is the Tampa Bay area’s wingnut daily, The Tampa Tribune, covering the event online? It’s not even above the fold, at least not at this moment.

The Lightning’s Stanley Cup game tonight gets top billing, which is understandable, but even the fake black lady’s resignation from the Spokane NAACP and a viral photo of a raccoon riding an alligator get higher billing than Jeb.

He gets a little more love from the Miami Herald. That makes sense, because when Poppy Bush dispatched his offspring from Kennebunkport, bidding them to go forth and colonize states for political gain, Jeb was released in South Florida, where he multiplied like an Everglades python.

His announcement doesn’t seem to be making a splash in the national press either. Even that feckless whelp Rubio attracted more notice, which has gotta sting. I still predict ¡Heb! will be the last man standing when the clown car throws a rod. What do you think?

* Another burn! CSPAN cut the live feed before Jeb even took the stage and directed viewers to the CSPAN 3 feed, which you can’t even access online in my area without logging in via your cable provider. And who the hell is going to bother with that to hear Jeb’s warmed-over platitudes? Not me!

ETA: The Herald has a live feed here. It’s a pathetic affair. Even Jeb’s handsome son sounded insincere and recycled a single lame joke in a two-minute speech. The crowd sounds like they’ve been sipping Thorazine mimosas.

Reader Interactions

214Comments

  1. 1.

    Benw

    Either Jeb or Walker. The GOP field is so awful. Not a single candidate is charismatic or even likeable. At this point, a Rmoney rerun doesn’t look half bad.

  2. 2.

    The Dangerman

    Follow the Money.

    /Deep Throat Yawn

    ETA: The Money will want either Jeb or Mitt.

  3. 3.

    burnspbesq

    It says a lot about the Republican Party that it can’t come up with better candidates for President than this.

    It says a lot about the American people that this guy actually has a chance to become President.

  4. 4.

    jl

    When I asked for a live blog in the prervious thread, I was joking. That was a joke.

    A good sign is that, so far, the splashier the GOP Candidacy Announcement Event, the quicker the candidate has devolved into absurdist theater. I hope the trend continues.

    Edit: except for candidates who were already absurdist theater, like Pataki and Fiorina, where it makes no difference what they do.

  5. 5.

    jl

    Can see the Event live at Yahoo news.

    The testimonial mocuspotamentory just started, narrated by Jeb! himself.
    The first three seconds were very inspirational, with deeply felt stirring string music. But then I got bored and lunch is over, so I will treasure the memories. After Jeb! is nominated I will lie and say I watched the whole thing.

  6. 6.

    Keith G

    But I was told yesterday that the media was busy pleasuring themselves at the mere thought of Jeb Bush making it official.

  7. 7.

    SteveinSC

    There’s a reason that Ole Poppy Bush broke down and cried when addressing the Florida Legislature a few years back. Shrub shit in Jeb ! s punch-bowl a long time ago. Oh yeah, it hasn’t helped that his wife’s a convicted kleptomaniac/smuggler, either.

  8. 8.

    Keith G

    @burnspbesq:

    It says a lot about the American people that this guy actually has a chance to become President.

    The American people elected Nixon twice.

    Not much sure what else needs to be said.

  9. 9.

    pat

    Walker. Elected three times. Destroying unions, public education, state parks, the University and tenure, Planned Parenthood, the environment, etc etc. And doing it all right now, not years ago.

    Everything the base demands, he’s doing it. And the Kochs have got him in their back pocket.

  10. 10.

    boatboy_srq

    @burnspbesq: Yes and yes. Although it says more about the GOTea that there are so many candidates who are just as laughable: it’s become very clear that there are two major US political parties and only one of them is actually interested in governing.

  11. 11.

    trollhattan

    I can’t get that ¡Heb!-Hodor pairing out of my brain now. Just think he’s already past his sold-by date and the next ¡Bush! with national pretensions will be one of his kids, the kids HW referred to as “The brown ones.”

    In the meantime, nice going, libtards. I suppose you’re all proud of yourselves for taking down an American Shootin’ Machine institution. Oh, wait, you mean they’re just shitty bidnezmen?

  13. 13.

    Betty Cracker

    @Keith G: Nixon was at least evil in an interesting way — positively seething with resentments, chock-full of delusions and brimming with paranoia.

  15. 15.

    boatboy_srq

    @SteveinSC:

    Shrub shit in Jeb ! s punch-bowl a long time ago.

    Repeatedly. We called two of those particular experiences Charlie/Frances/Ivan/Jeannie and then Katrina/Rita/Wilma.

    It will be interesting to see how badly JEB! loses FL in the primaries – and only slightly more interesting to see who among the GOTea klown kar actually carries the state.

  16. 16.

    Benw

    @Keith G: well, the American people elected GWB once and the Supreme Court elected him once, so the American people are as smart as the Supreme Court?

  17. 17.

    Bobby B.

    I like the Jeb! bit. Reminds me of a character in “Reuben, Reuben”, Snopes! the poet.

  18. 18.

    Chyron HR

    This “JEB!” character is entertaining, but I still think Brandt from The Big Lebowski was his best role.

  19. 19.

    Elizabelle

    Some day, we will all tell our children and grandchildren where we were when Jeb! announced …

    Not. Not only no, but hell no.

  20. 20.

    jl

    I can think of a couple of surprise celebrity appearances that would make the event memorable, one would make it unique in human history even. I’m sure Jeb! could spin those into something newsworthy.

  22. 22.

    KG

    Jeb’s problem with the official announcement is everyone has known he’s running (and he’s effectively been running) for the last six months or so. Thus, the official announcement is just kind of a “oh, ok” sort of event. He’s not going to get a big time launch off of this because (a) he’s been running for six months, and (b) nobody really wants him to run. Granted, everyone runs before they officially announce because that’s the way the system works now with SuperPACs, but still, so for Jeb it’s mostly (b).

  23. 23.

    Benw

    @Betty Cracker: also, by the standards of today’s GOP candidates, Nixon was an accomplished politician and statesman. He was also a war criminal and crook, but I think that’s taken for granted about R presidents these days.

  24. 24.

    Elizabelle

    I think “Job!” when I see his logo. And I think: over a year more of watching the 2016 presidential race, and being inside the belly of a whale is going to look real good.

    And then I realize it was Jonah that tribulation befell, in the bible, and that probably makes me constitutionally ineligible to ever vote for a Republican. Because I am bible-ignorant.

    And that makes me kind of happy …

    Carry on.

  26. 26.

    boatboy_srq

    @Benw: Add to all that reasonably effective in office. 2016 GOTea candidates for pResident are by definition incapable of anything except cutting taxes (on the 0.01%), increasing DoD/DHS spending, and engaging in undefined military actions wherever someone looks at them funny.

  27. 27.

    Elizabelle

    The crowd sounds like they’ve been sipping Thorazine mimosas.

    Betty! That’s fabulous.

  28. 28.

    piratedan

    I’m sure that the village will fluff him in the manner that he’s been accustomed to…

  30. 30.

    Betty Cracker

    @Valdivia: Yes — “disrupt” is all the rage in business lingo. It originated in tech circles and metastasized.

  32. 32.

    Iowa Old Lady

    OT: TPM reports that Scalia referred to RBG as Goldberg. I increasingly think Scalia is losing his marbles.

  33. 33.

    srv

    @Valdivia: Get with the times. It’s a kinder, gentler form of Creative Destruction.

    In other news, Dallas Shooter vs SJW:

    “He blamed them [police] for taking his son,” Boulware said of his deceased son, James, in the CNN video segment. “I tried to tell him, ‘The police didn’t do it. The police were doing their job to enforce the laws. If you want to get to that, you’ve got to go back to the liberal people that put these laws in place to where CPS [Child Protective Services] can grab kids away from them.’”

    … When asked why James Boulware did not seek help for his various and sundry predicaments, Jim Boulware implied that his son was at a disadvantage due to his race and gender.

    “Where?” Jim Boulware asked the reporter. “Where does a white male get help?”

  35. 35.

    jl

    Bernie Sanders’ Ceremonial Announcement Event that preceded his first campaign speech and presser should be a model for all candidates forever: “I’ll just make a brief comment, if you have ’em, a few questions. We don’t have an endless amount of time. I have to get back.”

    That was a effing epic Campaign Announcement Event.

  36. 36.

    Valdivia

    @Betty Cracker: @srv: @sharl: Ha! Obviously I am totally not with it in business lingo. First time I heard it was when they reported about the brouhaha at TNR when almost everyone left the magazine, the guy who took over had just said in the meeting he was going to disrupt things and vertically integrate. The way these people talk makes absolutely no sense to me.

    So Bush W was the decider and Jeb! will be the disruptor. That sounds idiotic.

  39. 39.

    Valdivia

    WTFF, Obama is a glorified tourist? Because they had ran out of inventive ways to call him a Kenyan muslim.

    Also the villagers swooning over his Spanish and giving his speech rave reviews because of nice turns of phrase. These people. Ugh!!!!!!

  40. 40.

    low-tech cyclist

    The Lightning’s Stanley Cup game tonight gets top billing, which is understandable, but even the fake black lady’s resignation from the Spokane NAACP and a viral photo of a raccoon riding an alligator get higher billing than Jeb.

    Well, the raccoon riding the alligator was more interesting in that brief moment than Jeb will be in his entire life, with or without exclamation points.

  41. 41.

    sharl

    @Valdivia: Actually Dubya was a pretty damn proficient disruptor, who also Moved Fast and Broke Things. Just ask the Iraqis!

    Truly a man ahead of the time, at least where trends/memes are concerned. I guess that MBA he got (Harvard Business School, I think) musta come in handy after all!

  42. 42.

    hells littlest angel

    The New York Times, with its patented deadpan drollery: “Breaking News”

  44. 44.

    jl

    @low-tech cyclist: Actually, I expected BC to post something about that raccoon riding an alligator. BC understands all those strange Florida things.

    But we get a Jeb! post instead.

  45. 45.

    Elizabelle

    Page Six and other sites have rumor-mongered that Prince might have played at the White House this weekend, in addition to two rapidly-sold out shows at the Warner Theatre. The WH will not confirm or deny.

    I ask you, would the purple one be caught dead playing for the Bushes? Or anyone else in the Klown Kar?

  46. 46.

    Elizabelle

    @low-tech cyclist:

    a viral photo of a raccoon riding an alligator

    And they were both fleeing Burmese pythons. And neither has any use for Jeb! or any other Bush.

  47. 47.

    Elizabelle

    The Borowitz Report:

    Scientists Believe They Have Isolated Gene for Failure

    MINNEAPOLIS (The Borowitz Report)—Geneticists at the University of Minnesota believe that they have isolated the gene that makes some people much more prone to failure than others.

    Illustrated with a photo of Pappy, W, and Jeb!

  50. 50.

    jayjaybear

    I still want someone with better Photoshop skills than me to change an old-school Jem and the Holograms logo into Jeb and the Homophobes…

  51. 51.

    trollhattan

    Bibi. evidently jealous of the attention heaped onspooned over ¡Heb!, goes Godwin. Seriously Bibi, it’s just like that, isn’t it?

    Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu said Monday that a Palestinian-led campaign to boycott Israeli goods was reminiscent of Nazi Germany’s campaign against Jews. Meeting with visiting Polish Foreign Minister Grzegorz Schetyna, Netanyahu raised the issue of “the defamation of the Jewish people” on Polish soil when the Nazis controlled much of Europe.

    “The attacks on the Jews were always preceded by the slander of the Jews. What was done to the Jewish people then is being done to the Jewish state now,” Netanyahu said. “In those days we could do nothing. Today we can speak our mind, hold our ground. We’re going to do both.”

  56. 56.

    Chris

    @Betty Cracker:

    The thing I always wonder about with Nixon is, if he’d been born forty years earlier, whether he might’ve ended up being, certainly not an FDR figure, but at least more of a Huey Long figure, the obsessive anti-elitism channeled into something more productive. I’ll even say that I can empathize a little with his seething resentment for the Popular Kidz – how many time have I or someone else here complained about the cliquish, socialite, middle school mentality in Official Washington? – but however it started, the end result was a disaster.

  57. 57.

    Amir Khalid

    I still think that being the Establishment guy and having the best campaign org should carry ¡Jeb! a long way, unless some other candidate is consistently stronger than he in the primaries. Even though he’s been a damp squib so far as a candidate.

  58. 58.

    mai naem mobile

    @Elizabelle: the real question is would the Bushes ever invite His Purpleness to the WH for a performance? Hell, I’m not even sure I can HRC inviting Prince – its age not race with HRC. The Bushes – can’t imagine anybody but some redneck country singer like Hank Williams Jr.

  61. 61.

    mai naem mobile

    I was watching MSNBC while they were waiting for Jebbie and they had the Jeb Bush Announcing Candidacy header. Then on the chyron they had a headline of a ” Flesh eating bacteria found in Florida.” I wish I knew about.screen grabs. I hope somebody got it.

  63. 63.

    SatanicPanic

    @burnspbesq:

    It says a lot about the American people that this guy actually has a chance to become President.

    More like it says our system of government was arranged in a terrible way. And let’s be real, he has a chance, but it’s a very slim one.

  64. 64.

    Germy Shoemangler

    From the Onion: Jeb Bush, Candidate Profile

    Birthplace: Shadow of his father and brother
    Heritage: Seventh-generation Establishment
    Languages: Fluent in both rich and poor
    Connection To Hispanic Community: Checks out
    Number Of Public Battles Over Coma Patients’ Right To Die That He’d Like To Have Back: 1
    Biggest Obstacle To GOP Nomination: Has publicly acknowledged the humanity of illegal immigrants
    Greatest Qualification: Already knows White House layout pretty well
    Greatest Liability: O, what fickle hand of fate! ’Tis the very same privileged background that elevated him to such prominence in the first place!
    As A Child Was Traumatized After Walking In On His Mother, Barbara Bush, Stepping Out Of The Shower: Possibly

  65. 65.

    gogol's wife

    @Elizabelle:

    That’s funny. Even though I answered the question about candidates by saying Hillary Clinton is my candidate, the survey told me I side with Bernie Sanders the most. Of course he’d be my candidate if he had a chance in hell of winning.

  67. 67.

    SatanicPanic

    I’m not looking forward to all the whining about political dynasties we’re going to have to endure until Hillary wins. arrrrrrrrrgh

  68. 68.

    Germy Shoemangler

    Rick Perry’s announcement was more entertainingly sinister, with those squinty-eyed guys on either side of him. They looked like they were ready to beat the crap out of anyone who came near the candidate.

  69. 69.

    Elizabelle

    @gogol’s wife: My score was Bernie Sanders over Hillary by 11 points.

    I would be happy with either of them as President.

    Villagers swooning over Jeb! and the Klown Kar might get me to save $$ by letting a few digital subs go this year. Too much.

  71. 71.

    trollhattan

    @redshirt:
    If he thought about playing “Little Red Corvette” with Sasha and Malia in the room, hope he checked with the folks, first.

  72. 72.

    Germy Shoemangler

    Three more republicans have apparently just entered the race:

    A squirrel on waterskis, a hard-boiled egg and a wooden duck decoy.

  74. 74.

    bystander

    @Elizabelle: Fabulous, yes, but it sure won’t get Betty a seat at the table on MSNBC. One of their new crop of brunette Repubs couldn’t convey how thrilled and raucous the Jebula! crowd was.

  75. 75.

    burnspbesq

    @Keith G:

    The American people elected Nixon twice.

    If it happens on your watch, you get credit.

    Nixon gets credit for the EPA and OSHA.

  76. 76.

    ThresherK

    How long until we see someone holding this sign?

    ¡qər!

    #TheSmartOneByProcessOfElimination

  80. 80.

    JPL

    Jeb Bush had to deal with personal family issues, and I take offense that his family is off the table, but he thinks personally others should be shamed.

  82. 82.

    Germy Shoemangler

    In his speech, he both embraced elements of his heritage and tried to transcend them, portraying himself as an entrepreneurial figure who, in the Bush family way, struck out on his own, built up a real estate business and became a governor who delivered on a promise of sweeping change.

    He struck out on his own and became a successful businessman with no help from his name or connections??

  84. 84.

    Germy Shoemangler

    I love the photo in the NYTimes, Jeb bounding manfully up on to the stage, while his mother looks on in evil pride.

  85. 85.

    jl

    But the best is yet to come!

    Donald Trump Plans To Say He Is Worth $9 Billion

    ” Real estate mogul Donald Trump is expected to disclose on Tuesday that he is worth about $9 billion after announcing whether he’ll seek the presidency, The Washington Post reported Monday. ”

    http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/donald-trump-net-worth

    If the Trump Event is a really classy and yooge production, with a chorus line and show tunes, maybe that will mean he will run?

  86. 86.

    CONGRATULATIONS!

    The Spanish upside-down explanation point is going to go over gangbusters with “the base”. What a moron.

    Rove’s obviously not working on this one.

  88. 88.

    Keith G

    Now that I’ve had a chance to see Jeb’s speech, a few thoughts come to mind. First the delivery (tone and body language) was ok…sort of low key, sort of sincere, not trying to be the great speaker that he isn’t.

    On the other hand, the words themselves were very problematic to the point of being ludicrous. He needs new speech writing. When he uttered the phrase, “I am not part of the pampered Washington elite” I about fell out of my chair.

    That is just silly.

  92. 92.

    WaterGirl

    @Elizabelle: That is a truly great political quiz. Bernie Sanders most closely matched my answers, and I was surprised that Martin O’Malley only matched something like 60% for me. Which leads me to:

    Martin O’Malley is pro-life???? (Where’s the interrobang when you need it?)

  93. 93.

    satby

    @Elizabelle: So I match up best with Bernie. Not really a surprise, neither was 80% with Clinton; but only 74% with O’Malley was. I thought he was our great progressive hope.
    Evidently not so much.

  94. 94.

    J R in WV

    @Elizabelle:

    I want one! I made Gun&Tonics, and popped corn, for our late afternoon break. So I’m not without a drink and a snack.

    But a Thorazine Mimosa! Oh yes!

  97. 97.

    JPL

    @WaterGirl: Whitehouse is pro-life personally but votes choice because of his constituents. There might be several people that pick choice but might not abort a fetus.

  100. 100.

    fuckwit

    @Baud: Non. Waterskis are too French. Kerry already learned this.

    Wooden duck decoy is actually quite good prediction of the next candidate. The Kochs sit in their blind, waiting for the poor white male christian ducks to flock to the decoy, then the Kochs open fire and it’s duck fricasee for them for the next 8 years!

  102. 102.

    Gin & Tonic

    @trollhattan: But somebody should tell him that the colored shirt with white collar thing may have been cool in 1985, but isn’t now.

  104. 104.

    WaterGirl

    You guys will have to excuse me for a minute while I go identify the 5%, 6%, and 7% of issues where I apparently agree with Ted Cruz, Carly Fiorina, and Scott Walker, respectively.

    It may take awhile because I need to seriously reconsider my stances on those issues. ::shudder ::

  106. 106.

    satby

    @WaterGirl: yep. A declared anti-choice* candidate is a deal breaker for me. O’Malley seems not to be the great progressive he’s been hawked as.

    *I refuse to call them pro-life, because they aren’t. Forced birth is more accurate, but kind of clunky.

  107. 107.

    Gin & Tonic

    @J R in WV: I made Gun&Tonics, and popped corn, for our late afternoon break

    I can tell you with some authority that gin dissolves better in tonic than guns do.

  108. 108.

    ThresherK

    @Elizabelle: At first I thought, Too many Unicorn hunting holes for me. Then I learned that the stupid answers were written based on PrezCandidate position papers or speeches.

    They shouldn’ta let me write my own answers:

    >Religious exemption?

    Only in lunch counters. In the old Confederacy. For small biznesses who have religious loathing of black people.

    >God on the money?

    Yes, as long as all the money is changed to remind users that “Under God” was added to The Pledge during the Red Scare.

    >GMO labeling?

    In theory, nothing says Libertarian like the information a consumer has to make a knowledgable choice. Still hunting for a Libertarian who agrees with that.

    >Should the fed gov continue to support the wind energy sector?

    Yes. Where’s my question on subsidizing the coal industry? And the oil industry? And the nuclear industry? Let’s not pretend that decades on decades of these three are offset by a short time for the renewables.

    >Workfare?

    Hell, no. If I had a dollar for every career/economics advice columnist who says “Searching for a good job is a 30-hour-a-week job”, I could retire.

    >Drug-test wefare recipients?

    Let’s test all the recipients. You, punching the clock with the DoD contractor? You, with the mortgage writeoff? Just go into this little bathroom, after we determine you don’t have a bag with “guaranteed clean” urine in your unders.

    >Transition public pensions into the private sector?

    Yes, and I want to declare my mortgage a “public pension” so I can redefine it as paid off now, rather than in 20 years.

  109. 109.

    Cacti

    @satby:

    *I refuse to call them pro-life, because they aren’t. Forced birth is more accurate, but kind of clunky.

    Religious conservatives aren’t pro-life.

    They want to be the sex police.

  111. 111.

    Gin & Tonic

    @JPL: Did you write Whitehouse when you meant O’Malley? I can’t easily find evidence that Sheldon Whitehouse (my Senator) is “pro-life personally.”

  112. 112.

    WaterGirl

    @satby: Hmm. The Google tells me that Martin O’Malley is pro-choice and has received awards from planned parenthood.

    Is there some ratfucking going on with that survey?

  113. 113.

    WaterGirl

    @Baud: I’m shocked! (about your first comment and your second)

    #1 – go back and finish that survey, dammit!

    #2 – I never took you for a Palin starbursts guy.

  115. 115.

    J R in WV

    @Amir Khalid:

    I think it’s a shame Kareem isn’t going to run for office. Even if he did lie about his height!

    [but I’m not buying that he’s only 5’8″ – NO Way, I’m only 5’11” and he’s taller than me! 6’2″ at least!! ]

  117. 117.

    gelfling545

    @Valdivia: American business types being resistant to learning a foreign language, colleges apparently have removed the foreign language requirement from the MBA & substituted jargon.

  118. 118.

    J R in WV

    @muddy:

    The Gin and Tonic, or the Thorizine Mimosa?

    The G&T is great on a hot afternoon. The Thorizine Mimosa sounds perfect for weddings, where you don’t want to make a face when you meet the M-I-L ! Just Be Numb!

    OMG!! I mispeled my fav drink! NEver put your Gun in the Tonic, it’s bad for the gun and tastes horrible!

    Lubricants and anti-rust oils won’t be good in tonic, esp with lime juice.

    Sorry guys~! Really funny mistake, if I could do it on call I’d be a famous comic.

  119. 119.

    satby

    @WaterGirl: It’s not uncommon for Catholic politicians to be personally anti-choice but vote according to their constituents. But I distrust the “personal” part of that remaining so when they gain a wider constituency and feel they can “follow their conscience”.

    This does rest on the assumption that O’Malley is ethnically Irish Catholic.
    Which I was raised as, and have seen the indoctrination up close.

  120. 120.

    MomSense

    @Valdivia:

    Thia is why I cannot have heavy objects in the same room as the TV. Listening to pundits stirs in me a desire to break things.

    /hulk smash

  121. 121.

    Chris

    @Elizabelle:
    @ThresherK:

    Well, I got Bernie Sanders, followed by Martin O’Malley, followed by Hillary Clinton, followed by Jeb Bush, followed by the freak show of people running for a post-2016 position as talking heads on Fox News. For whatever reason, the person who came in dead last was Carly Fiorina.

  122. 122.

    Mike J

    @Elizabelle:

    Page Six and other sites have rumor-mongered that Prince might have played at the White House this weekend,

    When Prince said, “act your age, not your shoe size” I realized that I really have been acting like a european 43.

  124. 124.

    Valdivia

    @gelfling545: lol! It is so indecipherable to me that I could imagine this may well be the case. So much nicer to speak French than disruption. :)

    @MomSense: Just reading the tweets made me want to punch someone in the neck so if I had to hear them bloviate….

  125. 125.

    Fair Economist

    @Iowa Old Lady: We’ve been seeing odd early-senility type behavior from Scalia for a while. Mis-citing his own decisions, using incorrect information from Fox rather than briefs from his staff, and now getting a long-term friend’s name wrong. The problem is that he’s not going to resign and we may end up with a profoundly addled Justice, which will produce a lot of trouble both from the appearance perspective and from just plain bad decisions.

  126. 126.

    JPL

    @Gin & Tonic: I thought he and Casey followed the doctrine of the Church but separated their faith from the law. I’m sorry if I interpreted his position differently.

  127. 127.

    JustRuss

    @Amir Khalid: Thanks for the link to Kareem’s piece. I haven’t been able to get my head around the fake black lady scandal, he has some good insight.

  128. 128.

    Elizabelle

    @WaterGirl: I’m relieved someone else had a few Republicans in their answer set. Even in single digits. Mine was 86 Bernie S, 75 HRC, a surprising 69 for O’Malley (who I have not followed at all) … and then…

    Jeb! and some of the lesser lights, incl Fiorina were in there.

    No Rand Paul, and no Santorum (guess the question on contraception was to find his True Believers)?

    They could have asked more questions about Citizens United, and Supreme Court appointments, but otherwise a pretty solid quiz.

  129. 129.

    JPL

    @Elizabelle: I had Hillary at 92 and Bernie at 90. I have a problem with some of Bernie’s votes on gun control. Each section at the bottom asked if you wanted more questions. I almost did that on gun control but decided against it.

  132. 132.

    Elizabelle

    @Fair Economist:

    odd early-senility type behavior from Scalia for a while. Mis-citing his own decisions, using incorrect information from Fox rather than briefs from his staff, and now getting a long-term friend’s name wrong. …

    Especially when they’re portrayed in a damn OPERA together. Which is in the news, cuz it opens soon.

    Tricky situation, a senility-compromised justice on a dangerously split court. And he might be more paranoid than usual.

  133. 133.

    Elizabelle

    @J R in WV: Glad someone else caught the cocktail typo.

    Gun and Tonics, and Thorazine Mimosas.

    Cocktail time at Balloon Juice. Sparkling soda for its founder.

    Drink up!

  137. 137.

    Elizabelle

    @Valdivia: A friend got a strong Hillary score, and Christie too. I am not sure what constellation of answers delivers that result. He was shocked and amused.

  138. 138.

    Jim, Foolish LIteralist

    Ugh. I just saw a commercial for an AMC show on the history of the mob that I might have watched, but they’re using Rudi Giuliani as a talking head. Fuck that.

  142. 142.

    Elizabelle

    @Baud:

    The test was too long for my lazy ass to finish.

    So I guess I’m a Palin man.

    You made me laugh. Happily, we know that’s not likely. Um, is it?

  143. 143.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @Elizabelle:

    Gun and Tonics, and Thorazine Mimosas.

    Cocktail time at Balloon Juice. Sparkling soda for its founder.

    I hope someone is going to whip up some tasty tire rims and anthrax for hors d’oeuvre.

  148. 148.

    Elizabelle

    @Jim, Foolish LIteralist: Once you dropped your fascination with young Rubio.

    I wonder what set of Christie’s views are appealing to many, here and elsewhere … He’s a bully personally, but also approachable and often does make the most sense of most of the Republicans out there. (Low bar.)

    We take comfort in his bristly personality and impending legal difficulties …

    Has anyone gotten affinity with Rand Paul yet? Thinking the drones questions are meant to draw out his supporters …

  152. 152.

    Elizabelle

    @SiubhanDuinne: I wonder if Charles Pierce homes in on the JCole posts, esp, since they’re reliably memorable.

    Ms. Cracker is giving a run for the money, and we have excellent front pagers. (But miss Dengre!! And moar DougJ.) Who am I forgetting? Several …

  153. 153.

    Spinoza Is My Co-pilot

    @Valdivia:

    That quiz was fun, I am 94% Bernie and 80% Hilary. But what warmed my heart the most was Cruz, Rubio et al with 0%.

    For me: 95% Bernie, 86% Hillary, 73% O’Malley. 0% Cruz and Carson, 13% Walker (not sure why that high).

  154. 154.

    srv

    I’m going to wait for the movie:

    JUNE 15–The NAACP official who today resigned in the face of evidence that she masqueraded as black once sued Howard University for denying her teaching posts and a scholarship because she was a white woman, The Smoking Gun has learned.
    …
    According to a Court of Appeals opinion, Dolezal’s lawsuit “claimed discrimination based on race, pregnancy, family responsibilities and gender.” She alleged that Smith and other school officials improperly blocked her appointment to a teaching assistant post, rejected her application for a post-graduate instructorship, and denied her scholarship aid while she was a student.
    …
    As detailed in the court opinion, Dolezal’s lawsuit contended that Howard was “permeated with discriminatory intimidation, ridicule, and insult.”

  155. 155.

    EthylEster

    @Fair Economist: I saw a good discussion on CSPAN about the Supremes yesterday. Pretty much everybody on the panel liked the idea of eliminating clerks….because clerks make it possible for over-the-hill justices to hang on.

  158. 158.

    Jim, Foolish LIteralist

    @Elizabelle: I’m wondering what kind of stuff he signed late in his first term to get past a second election. I rated the environmental questions as most important

  159. 159.

    MomSense

    I scored a 96% match with Sanders but it freaked me out when I saw Jeb! At 31% until I clicked in the answers and realized we share pro immigration views.

  160. 160.

    Baud

    No matter what your score on that test, there’s no difference between the parties.

  161. 161.

    WaterGirl

    @raven: My heart skipped a beat when I saw “In honor of …”, but I see she’s okay. Thanks for the heads up on the drive.

    I will likely miss it, though. I had some crazy thing happen with my right eye and the ophthalmologist is sending me to the retinal surgeon to see if he wants to do a procedure. Apparently if he thinks something should be done, he’ll do it on the spot. My appointment is in the morning. I’m the biggest baby ever about anything medical, but I’m trying not to think about it too much.

  162. 162.

    boatboy_srq

    @Benw: I was actually thinking that the next Teahadi pResident would make GWB look rather good in comparison, but otherwise yes.

  168. 168.

    Chris

    @Elizabelle:

    A friend got a strong Hillary score, and Christie too. I am not sure what constellation of answers delivers that result. He was shocked and amused.

    I had a delightful moment like that with a conservative friend back in 2008. She was answering a similar quiz to see which Republican candidate’s position was closest to hers. The answer was John McCain.

    Now, a normal person might expect the reaction to be “oh, good! I’m glad he thinks like me.”

    She, however, was just offended and put out. Because “McCain isn’t a real conservative.”

  170. 170.

    Elizabelle

    Interesting how we are all in the Bernie Sanders camp.

    But he’s unelectable.

    Isn’t he? It’s what we are told …

  171. 171.

    Roger Moore

    @fuckwit:

    There may be some Constitutional remedy to remove a sitting justice for mental incompetence.

    The closest we have is impeachment, which isn’t going to fly with our current Congress.

  173. 173.

    Jim, Foolish LIteralist

    I think Scalia would have to show up for work naked for impeachment to get any juice, and half the GOP caucus would still claim he was competent, and Ron Fournier would agree.

  174. 174.

    fuckwit

    @Roger Moore: Ugh, that sucks. Might have to wait until 2020 then, at the earliest. Also, not sure it’s a good precedent to have a justice with dementia insisting on holding on until impeachment. He’ll have to be forced out by pressure from the other justices then, if they even have any they can apply. He might have to cross some line that Roberts finds intolerable. I suspect there will be lots of backroom drama.

  175. 175.

    Elizabelle

    @Baud: And somewhat self-selected.

    But: maybe ahead of the crowd on some things? (True, my fellow Obots?)

  176. 176.

    WaterGirl

    @Baud: @Elizabelle:

    I was 93% bernie, 80% hillary. I would love to see bernie kick some butt in the primaries.

    I know they’re not running, but I would love to see where I stand compared to Elizabeth Warren and Sherrod Brown.

  177. 177.

    Gimlet

    http://rt.com/usa/266632-chomsky-obama-opportunist-hillary/

    “I wrote about him before the primaries in 2008, simply using his webpage – the way he was presenting himself – and he seemed to me like an opportunist,” Chomsky said, adding that “the policies he was proudest of I thought were awful.”

    The intellectual didn’t express any optimism for the prospect of a Hillary Clinton presidency either. When asked whether he saw any difference to Obama, he described the 2016 presidential candidate as much the same, “maybe a little more militant.”

  178. 178.

    Belafon

    @WaterGirl: Just remember, if you oppose the TPP, you agree with Bryan Fischer. And if you put your pants on one leg at a time, you agree with Hitler.

  180. 180.

    Baud

    @Elizabelle:

    But: maybe ahead of the crowd on some things?

    Someday, all Americans will be mopping naked and shaving their cats’ asses.

  184. 184.

    jl

    @WaterGirl: Huh, I am more conservative than I thought. I am 90 percent HRC, and 85 percent Bernie. But, I’ll continue giving my campaign contributions to Bernie for now. O’Malley was 71 percent.

    Highest GOPer was Jeb! at 37 percent, then quick slide into single digits on that side.

  187. 187.

    Poopyman

    @srv:

    Dolezal’s lawsuit contended that Howard was “permeated with discriminatory intimidation, ridicule, and insult.”

    Well, that’s disappointing. Makes Howard sound just like every other American institute of higher learning.

  189. 189.

    Poopyman

    @fuckwit:

    He might have to cross some line that Roberts finds intolerable.

    There is no such line with a Democratic president. They’d keep him propped up dead if they could get away with it.

  190. 190.

    Belafon

    95% Sanders, 87% Clinton, 69% O’Malley, 31% Christie, 21% Paul. The first two are why I don’t really care who becomes the nominee and I really don’t have a fight either way.

    What’s funny is I consider myself way more moderate than most of you.

  193. 193.

    marc_fields

    @Gin & Tonic: Ah, but there’s a *reason* why contrast collars have not been fashionable since the mid-80’s… and that reason is Wall Street. Michael Douglas put one on to play Gordon Gekko, then life imitated art and a horde of junk bond traders adopted the look, and now, 25 years later, it remains firmly established in the culture as a visual shorthand for “soulless, predatory capitalist.” Or as Jeb calls it, signalling to his base.

  196. 196.

    Gin & Tonic

    @marc_fields: Yeah, except I wasn’t commenting about Jeb!’s wearing it, but Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, who, wealthy though he may be, doesn’t fit the soulless, predatory capitalist mold. Which is why I was surprised to see him sporting that look.

  201. 201.

    Elizabelle

    We can haz open thread? Non-sports!? Non-Jeb!?

    Watching American Experience re Orson Welles’ War of the Worlds on PBS.

    Who knew that we’d grow even more gullible listeners today, in the jet age?

    And that Glenn Beck! calls his production company Mercury Radio Arts.

  202. 202.

    Brachiator

    @Elizabelle: Fun quiz. Thanks. I almost missed the sliding bar to the left.

    92% Hillary, 90% Bernie, 78% OMalley, 0% Cruz. The 19% Paul has to be related to drugs.

    ETA: 90% Bernie must make me a centrist, and insufficiently pure.

  203. 203.

    GHayduke (formerly lojasmo)

    96% Sanders 68% Clinton, 54% O’Malley.

    I’m feeling the Bern.

  205. 205.

    magurakurin

    @Omnes Omnibus: I got 98% Sanders 8% Clinton, but I’m definitely not hoping for Bernie to win. I think Clinton will be the better president in real and practical terms and I’m not convinced that Bernie would win the general.

  206. 206.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @magurakurin: That is a very odd result. I am more concerned that the quiz found me at 33 for Rand Paul and cited foreign policy as the reason. I tend toward being a liberal interventionist. WTF?

  207. 207.

    magurakurin

    oops, Clinton 88%, not as odd. The truth is Clinton and Sanders just aren’t that far apart. I was closer to Jeb than Paul, so just as embarrassing I guess.

  208. 208.

    Gus

    Wait, a raccoon riding an alligator? That’s bigger than Jeb’s announcement, for sure.

  209. 209.

    Full metal Wingnut

    @Benw: Yeah, I can’t believe I’m saying it but Romney 2.0 might be the GOP’s best bet. He’d probably condescend to Hillary in the most appallingly sexist way possible during their debates. But really, he looks great compared to the rest of the bozos. Cruz is smart if insane, but he has a hilariously annoying voice (not as bad as Jindal but close) and zero charisma or stage presence. Rubio looks like the kind of guy who would trip over his own untied shoelaces and break his arm. Walker…vacant ratfucker eyes. Jeb…I’m becoming more and more convinced that W. is the smart brother.

    I may think what Romney did to “earn” his fortune is morally reprehensible. But unlike the undergrad, you don’t buy your way into Harvard Law (Dubya couldn’t even buy his way into UT Austin law). His business experience sets him apart from career politicians with thoroughly undistinguished careers. And he can actually speak coherently. I don’t like him, but man he looks good compared to their 2016 crowd.

  210. 210.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @magurakurin: 88% makes far more sense. Much of Balloon Juice sounds similar. Bernie and his general views are what we really want, but HRC is fine.

  214. 214.

    Ryan

    Is the upside down exclamation point meant to court the Hispanic vote? Is that what the Right has going in terms of voter outreach?

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