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You are here: Home / Politics / Domestic Politics / Slither Inn (Open Thread)

Slither Inn (Open Thread)

by Betty Cracker|  September 21, 20154:17 pm| 99 Comments

This post is in: Domestic Politics, Open Threads

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Earlier I went out to retrieve my mail, and when I was passing through the carport, I noticed what looked like a GIANT SNAKE TAIL dangling down from a loose spot in the soffit that lines the carport roof. On the walk to the mailbox, I half convinced myself I was just seeing things, but nope, there it was when I came back by, so I got a picture:

SNAKE carport

The soffit was kind of bulging downward a little where the GIANT SNAKE BODY must be nestled. While I watched in horror, it slithered toward the center, and I saw its awful, scaly tail disappear. I ran inside and slammed and locked the door. But I know it’s out there.

I sent the picture to my husband and implored him to come home right away to rip down the soffit and remove the beast. And to bring lots of bourbon! But he says I’m overreacting and that it’s probably just a “harmless” little black snake that has “beneficial” properties.

Just how harmless will it be when it plops down on my head next time I leave the house and causes me to slam into the side of my vehicle as I attempt to run away in fright, resulting in extensive body work for both me and the car? Will that be beneficial, considering that we’re covered for restorative plastic surgery only?

Goddamn it. I’m tired of these motherfucking snakes in my motherfucking carport. Open thread.

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Reader Interactions

99Comments

  1. 1.

    redshirt

    September 21, 2015 at 4:18 pm

    Snakes in a Carport 2: The Resnakening.

  2. 2.

    redshirt

    September 21, 2015 at 4:20 pm

    Up here in Western Maine we have snakes but they are all cute and small.

    I have a snake(s) that lives by my rock bridge and I’ve caught him by surprise a couple of times over the years and he literally gives me a double take. It’s awesome cuz he’s shocked in the second take – mouth open eyes wide.

  3. 3.

    David Koch

    September 21, 2015 at 4:22 pm

    NYT: WALKER DROPS OUT

    Gov. Scott Walker of Wisconsin has concluded he no longer has a path to the Republican presidential nomination and plans to drop out of the 2016 campaign, according to three Republicans familiar with his decision, who spoke on condition of anonymity.

    Mr. Walker called a news conference in Madison at 6 p.m. Eastern time.

    I guess God was trolling him when he told Walker to run for the presidency.

    Where does his zero support go to now?

    BWHAHAHAAHHHHHHAHHAHHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH

  4. 4.

    JPL

    September 21, 2015 at 4:23 pm

    Knock on wood, but I haven’t seen even a garden snake this year. Finch hides in the back yard that is covered with brush and trees, so I’m always on the lookout. A few years ago, I saw three and one/half. The half was just the skin so I know there was another one.

    Friend just called… say by to Scott Walker..

    David, thanks for the link to the NYTimes

  5. 5.

    raven

    September 21, 2015 at 4:25 pm

    The shit those snakes eat are way worse than the snake. This is a blacksnake eatin a copperhead

  6. 6.

    AdamK

    September 21, 2015 at 4:25 pm

    At least you don’t have Scott Walker in your carport.

  7. 7.

    Poopyman

    September 21, 2015 at 4:26 pm

    Saturday morning started with a shriek from Mrs. P when she saw Max (girl cat #1) swatting at it. It at least had had the decency to sit still in the middle of the kitchen floor, where I could scoop it up and take it out to the woodpile.

    And it was only a little Brown Snake. Real fireworks would have ensued if it was a Black Snake. So far I’ve been diligent about removing their shed skins before she’s seen them. Yes, Betty, from INSIDE THE HOUSE.

  8. 8.

    Mart

    September 21, 2015 at 4:27 pm

    I “bravely” killed a six foot black snake on my porch protecting the womenfolk a few weeks back. I then Googled and learned that it is very beneficial black rat snake (you call tell its is beneficial by its name), not poisonous (swear it had fangs in the heat of the battle), and it is against the law to kill any snake in Missouri. I felt so ashamed. Also, given the law, I gently relocated the snack and did not mash it into bits with a steel implement…

  9. 9.

    Right to Rise

    September 21, 2015 at 4:27 pm

    Hear that beeping sound?

    That’s the sound of a Brinks truck filled with money backing up into the garage of Bush campaign headquarters in Miami.

    With Walker out the establishment is forced to go “all-in!” on Jeb.

  10. 10.

    Poopyman

    September 21, 2015 at 4:27 pm

    @AdamK: Wellll, he has extra time on his hands now. Who knows where he’ll be found?

  11. 11.

    Gin & Tonic

    September 21, 2015 at 4:28 pm

    It could be worse, you could live in Australia, which has something like 8 out of the top 10 most venomous snakes in the world.

  12. 12.

    Platypus

    September 21, 2015 at 4:28 pm

    @AdamK: It might be one of the other Republican candidates, though.

  13. 13.

    Surreal American

    September 21, 2015 at 4:28 pm

    @David Koch:

    He’s gonna go 3rd party, baby! Word on the street! You can take that to the bank, something, something…

  14. 14.

    JCJ

    September 21, 2015 at 4:28 pm

    My wife has a great story about walking with some friends when what she thought was a snake fell out of a tree onto her. She panicked but her friends laughed and said that it was just a stick. Then the “stick” slithered away and her friends went into full freak out mode. Mind you, this was in Thailand so the snake could well have been venomous.

  15. 15.

    April

    September 21, 2015 at 4:31 pm

    I have a pair of boots I call my smoosh boots. They slip on easily and have remarkably shallow treads, I don’t understand how they are to provide traction. But for my purposes, they are perfect for when I step on what I thought was a leaf but was actually dog poo in disguise. The poo comes off easily on grass or with a hose. They are the only shoes to wear when the slugs are out in force, you can stomp them dead without throwing out the shoes afterwards. However, they do nothing to protect you from snakes dropping on your head. You can stomp the snake after you get it off you, but you will have already had a heart attack and car accident before you can stomp.
    Banana slugs can crawl across the street in broad daylight, they don’t scurry into the shadows like normal slugs. I even hit one when weed whacking and had slug bits on my face. But they will never be able to sneak up and drop on my head. You “win” the gross things in the yard contest, by far!

  16. 16.

    Poopyman

    September 21, 2015 at 4:31 pm

    And then there was the time about 5 years ago when I was working in a standard-issue office park building, which inexplicably had a huge (~1.5″) gap under the front doors. Kind of surprising that only one black snake made it into the lobby, that I know about.

  17. 17.

    schrodinger's cat

    September 21, 2015 at 4:31 pm

    That’s scary! Creepy crawlies freak me out. I am with you BC.

  18. 18.

    Elizabelle

    September 21, 2015 at 4:31 pm

    @David Koch:

    As the NY Times puts it:

    Gov. Scott Walker of Wisconsin has concluded he no longer has a path to the Republican presidential nomination

    Did he ever have a path though? And it makes you wonder what sort of “path” any of the GOP candidates have. It’s depressing to realize that just about any GOP nominee can pull 45% of the vote just by breathing. After that, though ….

  19. 19.

    Elizabelle

    September 21, 2015 at 4:33 pm

    @raven: Usually I love your photos, but think I might pass on that one …

  20. 20.

    Matt McIrvin

    September 21, 2015 at 4:34 pm

    Several years ago, during a heavy rainstorm with lots of local flooding, I saw a little teeny snake crawling around in our basement. It was too fast for me to catch it. I decided to just let it go out the same way it got in, however that was.

    A few hours later, I came down there again and found the snake dead in the middle of the basement floor, with one clean bite to the neck. I’m pretty sure our cat Nestor got it. His precision was impressive.

  21. 21.

    bg

    September 21, 2015 at 4:34 pm

    Not sure where in central Fla you are, but someone’s pet cobra got loose a week or so ago in the Ocoee area – near an elementary school – and has not been found.
    And they have stopped looking for it.

  22. 22.

    Germy Shoemangler

    September 21, 2015 at 4:35 pm

    The snake in the upcoming live-action Jungle Book film sounds alluring and frightening:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HcgJRQWxKnw

  23. 23.

    redshirt

    September 21, 2015 at 4:37 pm

    @bg: Attention parents! Large, deadly snake is loose in the school vicinity.

    Also the monthly bake sale is on the 24th!

  24. 24.

    kc

    September 21, 2015 at 4:38 pm

    GET THE FLAMETHROWER.

  25. 25.

    ThresherK

    September 21, 2015 at 4:41 pm

    Sbow of hands: Who here looked at the photo and knew it was Betty from Florida right away?

    Making a peach pie for a good friend who hails from further south than I do. I am at the point in my baking career where I should either take a boot camp in crustery or just give up on it alltogether and do cobblers or buckles or buy puff pastry for everything.

  26. 26.

    Mark B.

    September 21, 2015 at 4:42 pm

    I would just leave it alone. Most snakes are non-venemous and beneficial. He’s probably snacking on field mice or whatever other small vermin you have around there. It pissed me off to no end when my neighbors came into my yard to kill a six foot king snake who had been climbing trees and raiding nests. That guy was pretty cool. With snakes, it’s mostly live and let live … except for that bastard who was raiding my goldfish pond. He had to go.

  27. 27.

    Scout211

    September 21, 2015 at 4:43 pm

    We live in Western Rattlesnake country and we used to find big and small Rattlesnakes in various places all over our property. The scariest place was in our garage, twice. The other scary time for me was when one was camped right under the fence post where our fence gate latches. I sat in my car and called my husband on my cell phone for him to march right down to the gate and remove the snake so I could drive through the gate.

    He prefers to move them rather than to kill them like all the other folk around here do.

    However, now that we have 20 free-range chickens picking and scratching all over the property, the number of snakes we find around the property has really been reduced.

    I did purchase “snake tongs” for my husband so that his removal of the snakes would be safer. The tongs are 7 feet long and keep him and the snakes safe.

  28. 28.

    redshirt

    September 21, 2015 at 4:44 pm

    Thank FSM I live in Maine. There’s literally nothing here that will kill you.

  29. 29.

    goblue72

    September 21, 2015 at 4:44 pm

    @Elizabelle: White people suck – http://www.usnews.com/news/blogs/at-the-edge/2015/09/08/the-white-vote-the-rise-of-donald-trump-shows-it-may-be-returning

    They vote GOP – http://www.gallup.com/poll/139880/election-polls-presidential-vote-groups.aspx

    But thankfully there are less of us – http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/pew-white-vote-down-22-points-gop-faces-big-challenges/article/2565612

  30. 30.

    Mark B.

    September 21, 2015 at 4:44 pm

    @Mart: Most snakes have fangs and will bite when cornered, even if they are not poisonous. Live and let live if you can. If it’s a nuisance, you can relocate it, like I did with my pond snake.

  31. 31.

    Helen

    September 21, 2015 at 4:47 pm

    See…that right there is why I am a city girl. It’s why I don’t go camping and I don’t swim in the ocean. Cuz there’s nature in there!!!!

  32. 32.

    redshirt

    September 21, 2015 at 4:47 pm

    @redshirt: Besides the asbestos and radon.

  33. 33.

    Peale

    September 21, 2015 at 4:49 pm

    @redshirt: You have moose and when those drop off the garage roof onto your head, you’d better hope it isn’t the poisonous kind.

  34. 34.

    seefleur

    September 21, 2015 at 4:49 pm

    @redshirt: I dunno – driving on Rt. 3 around Trenton-MDI is getting more likely to cause serious bodily damage these days… I’d count bad drivers (or as my kids call them “ignoranuses”) as potential killers.

  35. 35.

    BillinGlendaleCA

    September 21, 2015 at 4:50 pm

    @Scout211: I ran across a rattler on my last hike up in the hills. It was dusk and it was warming itself in the middle of the trail(actually a fire road) that I was hiking down. I threw dirt clods at it until it decided to move off the trail.

  36. 36.

    benw

    September 21, 2015 at 4:50 pm

    Take off and nuke your carport from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.

  37. 37.

    Mudge

    September 21, 2015 at 4:51 pm

    Years ago (50s), I was visiting my uncle in Georgia. He lived in an old wood house up on blocks. Chickens under it. A skinny green snake (probably garter) was discovered in a room. Panic ensued. My uncle grabbed an ax and hacked at the snake, chopping huge gouges in his floor, until he cut it in two. I have never seen anything like it since.

  38. 38.

    NobodySpecial

    September 21, 2015 at 4:53 pm

    Well, in fairness, lie down in swamps, wake up with snakes.

  39. 39.

    kindness

    September 21, 2015 at 4:54 pm

    Last year I had a 4′ King snake raiding the birds nests in our trees. I couldn’t figure out why the parents were going nuts. Wasn’t till the babies were jumping out of the nest & I tried to put them back in that I saw the snake. He had one bird in his mouth and would not let go no matter what. So finally I tossed him (with baby bird still in mouth) into the field next to our house. Didn’t ever see him again. Put the babies back in the nest but they wouldn’t stay and the parents abandoned the nest anyway. Sad but oh well, so it goes.

  40. 40.

    redshirt

    September 21, 2015 at 4:55 pm

    @Peale:

    You have moose and when those drop off the garage roof onto your head, you’d better hope it isn’t the poisonous kind.

    I’ve got moose gutters and so I don’t think they’ll be falling on my head. I’ll just rinse them down the moose drain.

  41. 41.

    BGinCHI

    September 21, 2015 at 4:55 pm

    You live in FL. This is probably the least harmful thing that can happen to you.

    PS. Goodbye and go fuck yourself, Scott Walker, you selfish, talentless, miserable prick.

  42. 42.

    Mark B.

    September 21, 2015 at 4:58 pm

    If they have a few more drop outs, maybe the Republicans won’t even need a kiddie table debate next time. I’m sure that’s what Jindal is hoping for.

  43. 43.

    Southern Beale

    September 21, 2015 at 4:59 pm

    Why the fuck does anybody live in Florida?

  44. 44.

    Scout211

    September 21, 2015 at 4:59 pm

    @BillinGlendaleCA:

    We see them during the late summer/early fall evenings when we walk. They do like to stretch out on the road. When we first moved here, we tried the same technique, but the rattlers were really jumpy when we disturbed them. A coiled large rattler is really scary.

    We googled the western rattler and found out that they prefer to freeze for safety rather than attack. So now we walk around them and have had no problems.

  45. 45.

    Gin & Tonic

    September 21, 2015 at 5:00 pm

    @redshirt: Ennui.

  46. 46.

    J R in WV

    September 21, 2015 at 5:04 pm

    @Poopyman:

    A friend / handyman was installing a new water heater in the basement a few years ago, and called me down to look at something. He had been working over an AC duct up near the ceiling, and had me climb a ladder braced on the duct.

    I got up there, didn’t see anything, he gave me no clue. He said “JR, look to your left, on top of the duct!” And there it was = 62 inches of shed blacksnake skin ! In the basement on top of a duct !!

    I still have it. We had heard little scraping slithery sounds, but I never imagined such a big snake could coexist with us in the house.

    No idea if he’s still around, hope if not that he escaped into the wild.

    One night we were in bed reading, and I noticed that one of the bigger cats was staring HARD at something under the chair on my side of the bed. I rolled over a little to see what he was looking at so hard… it was a SNAKE – a little brown grass snake of one sort or another.

    I picked him up and tossed him off the back porch into some flowers.

    We have a ton of blacksnakes, and I’ve never seen a copperhead anywhere near our place. We have had 4 neighbors who have been bitten by copperheads over the years, so not even seeing any is a very good thing. Neighbor showed me their bill for anti-venom = $67,000, plus a small fee for the injection services.

    Ouch! Rather be crawling with black snakes than get one of those shots!

    We have black rat snakes, black snakes with that creme colored collar around their necks, others I don’t recall their specific name, all black, all hell on copperheads. I bring them home if I see one out in the woods not too far away.

    Once we were running bob-wire around the back of the farm, and had dropped off a cooler with water, pop, and lunch by a tree truck in a flat shady place. When we broke for lunch and were sitting there doing in some samiches and pop, I looked up a giant old snag with deeply grooved bark.

    There was a woodpecker hole about 8 feet off the ground, and in the grooves and checkered bark there was about a 6 foot black snake, aiming to eat the next critter in or out of that hole for lunch. Or dinner, whenever.

    I actually like non-poisonous snakes. They keep the rodents down, and out-compete the copperheads even if they don’t actually kill them.

    Betty, don’t panic – it really looks like a harmless snake, except for the ceiling part.

    I was working in the old barn back in the 1980s when we kept livestock, standing beside a big stack of paper feed sacks, when PLOP a big black snake fell out of the roof beams of the barn and landed right beside me on the stack of feed sacks. I have always been grateful that he didn’t land around my neck, because I probably would have made an exceedingly loud and shrill noise !

    A nice soft spot for the snake to land, too.

  47. 47.

    trollhattan

    September 21, 2015 at 5:08 pm

    @redshirt:
    Winter. Maine winter will kill you right dead.

  48. 48.

    Mnemosyne (iPhone)

    September 21, 2015 at 5:09 pm

    It probably won’t make you feel any better, but it probably means you have rats in your garage. As long as the snakes don’t decide to crown you their queen the way the frogs keep trying to do, you’re probably better off leaving it be.

  49. 49.

    NotMax

    September 21, 2015 at 5:14 pm

    I ran inside and slammed and locked the door.

    Snakes in your ‘hood can work the doorknob if it remained unlocked?

    If so, time to sell the homestead and move. ;)

  50. 50.

    redshirt

    September 21, 2015 at 5:14 pm

    @trollhattan: No sir. All you need’s a wood stove.

  51. 51.

    Omnes Omnibus

    September 21, 2015 at 5:15 pm

    @redshirt: Bear, moose, wolves, mountain lions….

  52. 52.

    ArchTeryx

    September 21, 2015 at 5:16 pm

    @Germy Shoemangler: A gender-bent Kaa, but otherwise the voice was perfect. Kaa – as Kipling wrote him – was very chill most of the time.

    Until it was time to hunt.

    Then, nothing in the jungle was safe, as Bagheera quickly found out. He got lucky, though. Kaa was actually aiming for fresh Bandar-log, because they made the fatal mistake of pissing him off.

    And after this thread I feel like a bad person, because I once saved a rat snake’s life by taking it off a road where it was sunning itself, and putting it on a nice warm rock instead.

  53. 53.

    redshirt

    September 21, 2015 at 5:19 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Bear, moose, wolves, mountain lions….

    None of those creatures will kill you, or wants to kill you. I bet actual murders from those creatures is like 2 deaths every 3 years, or something equally rare.

    Moose are the most dangerous, but that’s just from a vehicle perspective. On foot in the woods, no moose is going to kill you.

  54. 54.

    NotMax

    September 21, 2015 at 5:19 pm

    Bar ely ever mentioned on BJ, but here’s one thing Lawrence Lessig has been up to.

    Kim Dotcom and three colleagues face an extradition hearing that began Monday in an Auckland courtroom. Dotcom is the colorful German-born entrepreneur who started the Internet site Megaupload, which was shut down by federal authorities in 2012.
    [snip]
    The defence has argued since his arrest that Dotcom should never have faced criminal charges and that any case against him should be heard in civil court. They argue that prosecutors have overplayed their hand, knowing they needed a criminal case to effect an extradition. In an affidavit for the defence, Harvard Law School professor Lawrence Lessig argues that criminal copyright infringement applies only to people who directly download or steal something and not to secondary parties like website operators. The defence also plans to argue the hearing should be delayed. Source

  55. 55.

    Omnes Omnibus

    September 21, 2015 at 5:23 pm

    @redshirt: I didn’t say the woods were teaming with death dealing ninja animals. I pointed out animals capable of attacking and killing humans. For example.

  56. 56.

    cckids

    September 21, 2015 at 5:24 pm

    @Southern Beale:

    Why the fuck does anybody live in Florida?

    Amen. My sister used to live there; she was in her yard with her toddler & their teenage kitten. She noticed the kitten doing the paw swat & jump back maneuver, went to investigate & found a cockroach as big as the palm of her hand. It was advancing on the kitten, ready to do battle, hissing as it went.

    She moved to Idaho. (not just because of that, but it did help)

  57. 57.

    maurinsky

    September 21, 2015 at 5:26 pm

    In an older house I lived in 18 years ago (good lord! I’m getting old!) I went down to do the laundry once and was taken aback because there was a HUGE spiderweb next to the dryer with a snake wriggling around in it. Now, snakes don’t bother me at all, but I was horrified contemplating what kind of spider eats snakes!

    My then husband suggested that the snake got trapped in the web because he was going to eat the spider, and I found that explanation soothing.

  58. 58.

    redshirt

    September 21, 2015 at 5:28 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    I didn’t say the woods were teaming with death dealing ninja animals. I pointed out animals capable of attacking and killing humans

    And I’m saying these ostensibly dangerous animals pose no danger at all, and especially compared to the snakes and spiders of the south which can be quite lethal.

  59. 59.

    catclub

    September 21, 2015 at 5:29 pm

    @Mart:

    it is against the law to kill any snake in Missouri

    Wow, you could knock me over with a feather. Unless the penalty is a fine of negative dollars.

  60. 60.

    Gindy51

    September 21, 2015 at 5:32 pm

    I’ll take it. I can always use snakes to eat rodents. That’s what it is after so you have mice in there too….

  61. 61.

    Jack

    September 21, 2015 at 5:38 pm

    @ThresherK: Oh yes, knew it was FL right away!

  62. 62.

    Platypus

    September 21, 2015 at 6:01 pm

    @redshirt: The snakes don’t really want to kill you either. It just happens sometimes when paths cross – just like the bears, moose, wolves, and mountain lions. In general, nothing wants to kill you. Except chipmunks. Fortunately, they’re small and not venomous so they can’t carry out their murderous desires.

  63. 63.

    D58826

    September 21, 2015 at 6:13 pm

    Saw over the weekend that they have given up the search for the missing king cobra. Isn’t that down Fla. way also. But don’t worry, according to all the nature shows they are more afraid of you than your are of them. (otherwise known as famous last words) :-)

  64. 64.

    D58826

    September 21, 2015 at 6:15 pm

    @catclub: Probably passed to protect the politicians in the state

  65. 65.

    CM copeland

    September 21, 2015 at 6:19 pm

    Dear Betty,
    GIANT SNAKE TAIL? Eat a Snickers you’re not yourself when you’re hungry!! It’ll all be OK.
    I am endorsing “it” as Walker’s replacement!
    Whaddaya say????

  66. 66.

    NotMax

    September 21, 2015 at 6:24 pm

    Not at all versed in this area of the law, but surmise that suspending a campaign rather than shuttering it is a legal ploy to delay or prevent unpaid vendors from immediately suing the candidate’s and relevant staff’s butts off, possibly related to terms of contracts which remain in effect if the campaign is still technically extant.

    Any comments from lawyers on this are welcome.

  67. 67.

    SFAW

    September 21, 2015 at 6:26 pm

    @redshirt:

    Besides the asbestos and radon.

    And the Governor, if you’re one of those people.

  68. 68.

    SFAW

    September 21, 2015 at 6:28 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    For example.

    Interestingly enough, none of those deaths occurred in Maine.

  69. 69.

    SFAW

    September 21, 2015 at 6:31 pm

    Betty –
    See, if you had a Griffin door as your first line of defense, it would have stopped the snake before it could take another step.

  70. 70.

    SFAW

    September 21, 2015 at 6:34 pm

    @Platypus:

    In general, nothing wants to kill you.

    Except in Maine, where they have Moose-lim extremists.

    (Sorry, redshirt)

  71. 71.

    D58826

    September 21, 2015 at 6:35 pm

    @NotMax: Not a lawyer either but they all suspend their campaigns so they can continue fund raising to pay off campaign debts.

    But Walker, truly a man of selfless (selfish?) ambition is dropping out of the race because GOD told him to. Seems God doesn’t like Trump either and wants to derail his candidacy.

  72. 72.

    SiubhanDuinne

    September 21, 2015 at 6:51 pm

    Have spent an inordinate amount of time and effort today restoring some level of functionality to the iPad after yesterday’s meltdown (as a result of stupidly deciding it would be a nice time to download the IOS9 software upgrade).

    Finally, with a lot of assistance, got reconnected. For the past many hours have been painstakingly re-installing previous app purchases, one at a time (I found I had a lot that I’m no longer interested in, which is why I’m not doing a blanket restore command). Now some things are fine — Facebook reconnected right away, and my email actually not only restored functionality, it brought back about 500+ inbox messages I had recently deleted :-)

    On the other hand, almost everything that requires username/password is making me start over from scratch, and I simply cannot remember them all. And the app where I had very cleverly encrypted all my passwords is no good to me now.

    Also, I have lost thousands and thousands of photos. Trying desperately to get them back but it doesn’t look promising and I am resigned to never seeing them again. Almost in tears over some of them.

    As for Balloon Juice — it has forced me into the mobile format (which I hate — I always used the desktop option), there is no place to change from mobile to desktop the way there used to be, and links don’t open (including reply links). We shall se if I have to re-enter my nym and email every time I want to post.

    Yes, these are first world problems, but damn, it’s been really REALLY frustrating the last couple of days.

  73. 73.

    Roger Moore

    September 21, 2015 at 6:58 pm

    @J R in WV:
    It could be worse. A couple in the Los Feliz neighborhood in LA found a cougar in crawl space under their house. Being LA, of course, this was a celebrity cougar.

  74. 74.

    gratuitous

    September 21, 2015 at 7:00 pm

    I see the “voluntarily living in Florida” angle has already been covered, so I’ll just do a little grave-dancing for one of God’s chosen candidates Scott Walker. God chose Scott Walker to provide us with some amusement in an otherwise dreary existence.

  75. 75.

    NotMax

    September 21, 2015 at 7:01 pm

    @SiubhanDuinne

    Closing the barn door after the horse has bolted, but backup, backup, backup.

    ALWAYS backup before doing ANY OS upgrade/change.

    Just called a very knowledgeable local tech guru and, if you’ve reformatted it to get it working again, the only suggestion he had was to hie thee to your nearest Apple store, where they may be able to retrieve some of the photos.

  76. 76.

    SiubhanDuinne

    September 21, 2015 at 7:05 pm

    NotMax. Everything was SUPPOSED to have been backed up to the cloud. Evidently some clouds are more equal than others.

    I’ve already delayed my departure for the family reunion in Chicago by 24 hours to deal with this shit, so shall be driving like a bat from hell starting tomorrow morning. I’ll do what I can when I return.

  77. 77.

    SiubhanDuinne

    September 21, 2015 at 7:07 pm

    NotMax. Should have added, much of my time has been spent in Apple stores/Simply Mac. They have been very helpful to a point, but some of these problems I discover when I am hours and miles away.

  78. 78.

    Damned at Random

    September 21, 2015 at 7:18 pm

    Try to relax. It isn’t a rattler, it isn’t a coral snake (way too drab), it isn’t a cottonmouth (too slender) which leaves copperheads and about a hundred nonvenomous species. Any snake will bite if cornered, but I’ve been messing snakes since I was 8 years old and never been bitten. They serve a useful environmental function.

    If you are phobic, like my husband, get a couple of outside cats-call the local shelter and tell them you are interested in adopting a couple of (neutered) ferals for pest control. Not only will cats kill snakes, they eat the same prey and the snakes will look for a less competitive neighborhood environment. We feed our ferals enough to keep them around, but not enough to make them lose interest in hunting.

  79. 79.

    Jager

    September 21, 2015 at 7:22 pm

    We live in a California Canyon. We have a lower patio with a pond and a spa, also known as watering holes for our local wildlife. The deck is wood and is raised about 6 inches above the ground. Mrs J was reading on the deck one afternoon and watched a 6 foot Rattler crawl towards her. The snake eventually crawled under the chaise she was sitting on, then slithered under the deck. She was paralyzed with fear, didn’t go on the deck for a couple of weeks. One day I watched a huge King snake crawl under the deck. He came out a few hours later, crawled down the wash and disappeared…haven’t seen the King or the Rattlesnake since. Mrs J is cool now I showed her a video of a King eating a Rattlesnake and the DNR article on “good” snakes.

    BTW Walker said he was “called” to leave the race. Did Jesus or the Kochs call?

  80. 80.

    Roger Moore

    September 21, 2015 at 7:31 pm

    @Jager:

    BTW Walker said he was “called” to leave the race. Did Jesus or the Kochs call?

    I doubt he can tell the difference.

  81. 81.

    A guy

    September 21, 2015 at 7:32 pm

    The real snakes are in washington.

  82. 82.

    HinTN

    September 21, 2015 at 7:52 pm

    @BGinCHI: PTL

  83. 83.

    DanR2

    September 21, 2015 at 8:08 pm

    What’s the deal with black snakes? They hide their head and about 6 inches of body and they think they’re invisible.

    Had one at our old house in Tennessee, and I swear the thing just kept staging himself in various places to surprise the hell out of me. You’d best just relocate that thing, Betty, unless you have nerves of steel.

  84. 84.

    reality-based

    September 21, 2015 at 8:28 pm

    @ThresherK:

    you are probably overthinking this.

    I have no sense of rhythm, can’t dance, unlucky in love, cant catch a fly ball, am a total failure at crepes

    But I was born and raised in the True Faith of the North Dakota Lutheran Ladies Aid – and i can damn well make great pie crust.

    simple formula, learned at the knee of my great-Aunty Marie –
    (and adapted by her, when she decided that commercial lard was icky and at 90, she didn’t feel like rendering her own lard anymore. )

    for each 9″ piecrust desired

    1 stick of butter + 1 1/4 cups unbleached all purpose flour plus 1/4 tsp salt plus 2-3 tbsp ice water = pie crust.

    Blend COLD butter with flour with a pastry blender – little bladey-thing, costs 3 or 4 bucks, works great. But a fork works, too. Mixture should be the size of tiny peas

    Sprinkle water over, toss with fork – stop adding water when you can squish dougn together.

    Squish (the technical term) dough into a ball, shape into a round disk about an inch thck.

    IMPORTANT STEP: wrap pie dough disk in plastic wrap, put in fridge for an hour

    Another important step – take out of fridge, let warm up on counter 15 minutes before rolling.

    Flour disk lightly – and roll out either between sheets of waxed paper, or with a floured rolling pin on a floured cloth covered pastry board.

    Neat trick, if u have freezer space – make up about a dozen of these, roll them out about 3/4 of the way. Put each crust in large freezer bag. store stacked crusts in pizza box in freezer. almost instant pic crust, anytime.

    (I’d rather have been lucky in love, though. Or the lottery, either one. )

    (I am also the damn QUEEN of scalloped potatoes. Well, it’s more like a french Gratin Dauphinois – made with caramelized onions, cream, chicken stock, fresh thyme, garlic. )

    (also, Parking. The Parking fairy was at my christening, and spaces magically open up for me three stalls from the door. LA, Mid-town Manhattan, doesn’t matter. Still wish it was the lottery fairy, though )

  85. 85.

    Betty Cracker

    September 21, 2015 at 9:00 pm

    @SiubhanDuinne: I’ve been wrestling with a similar issue with my iPhone. If you’ve visited the Apple elves and they can’t help, maybe most of your pix are really gone, in which case I’m sorry. But with my phone, at least, when I had to boot it up as if it were a new phone to make it unbrick itself, I gave it a different name, and it looks like my old phone still exists in iTunes; I just have to figure out how to access it again. If you have an old version of your iPad backed up on a PC hard drive, it’s possible you could recover it that way? Anyway, my sympathies. I hate shit like this.

  86. 86.

    Amir Khalid

    September 21, 2015 at 9:05 pm

    @maurinsky:
    There is a species of tarantula known as the Goliath bird-eater. It doesn’t actually make a habit of dining on avians, but does grow to 11 inches across.

  87. 87.

    Shantanu Saha

    September 21, 2015 at 9:15 pm

    Don’t worry. It’s just Scott Walker in your soffit. He’s harmless.

  88. 88.

    serge

    September 21, 2015 at 9:27 pm

    I live on an island a couple of hundred miles north of Ms Cracker with a similar flora and fauna situation. Shit-tons of lizards, bugs, and other less appealing parts of the whole. I went to feed the hounds last week, reached into the cabinet where I store their grub, and in the measuring cup is coiled up – an Eastern Rat Snake. I fucking freaked out carrying that measuring cup outside…this is IN my house, god damn it! Outside, you creep me out but it’s your world too. Stay the fuck out.

  89. 89.

    Debbie

    September 21, 2015 at 9:32 pm

    Sorry to miss this thread, but I bet Betty can relate:

    http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2015/09/21/indiana-car-spider-crash/72555298/

  90. 90.

    Comrade Dread

    September 21, 2015 at 10:05 pm

    I recommend fire. And lots of it.

  91. 91.

    Morzer

    September 21, 2015 at 10:08 pm

    Clearly Betty should keep her house safe by invading Iraq.

  92. 92.

    The Fat Kate Middleton

    September 21, 2015 at 10:41 pm

    @raven: Do you really think Betty (or I) would EVER want to watch this? And, yes, I haven’t read any other comments. But you have my total, total sympathy, Bets. I, too, live in a landscape with the beasties, and always step carefully in said landscape, while recognizing they are, indeed, good for us. But, still … shudddder.

  93. 93.

    redshirt

    September 22, 2015 at 12:49 am

    @reality-based: I’ve met the Parking fairy too but she totally dissed me.

  94. 94.

    redshirt

    September 22, 2015 at 1:02 am

    @serge: It’s terrifying anecdotes like this that make me glad I live at the North Pole.

  95. 95.

    mclaren

    September 22, 2015 at 2:52 am

    Goddamn it. I’m tired of these motherfucking snakes in my motherfucking carport.

    That’s what you get when you live in Florida. Also Hawaii. People keep telling me how marvelous Florida and Hawaii are. I tell ’em about cockroaches the size of Mars bars, and snakes big enough to put a saddle on.

    And I won’t mention the forbidden rites of the natives who worship Cthulhu in the swamp…

  96. 96.

    cope

    September 22, 2015 at 6:46 am

    When we moved into our house outside Orlando (I know, I know…), I was in the pool with the kids (maybe 10 and 3 at the time) one of the first nights we were there. Something brushed against my arm, I looked down and saw a striped (some pattern of red and black) snake frantically trying to climb out of the pool via my person. With super-human strength, I threw each kid up on the deck and instantly levitated myself out of the water.

    I am a science teacher but not of life sciences. I called the head of my department, a biology teacher, and described the snake to him. He talked me through the whole “Red touch yellow, kill a fellow, red touch black, friend of Jack” business and we determined it to be a harmless Florida scarlet snake and not a coral snake. I fished the critter out of the pool and let him go in the neighbor’s yard.

    My next heart-stopping snake encounter was also an unexpected appearance by a scarlet snake that had crawled up on the rear tire of my wife’s bike under the fender and came crawling out when I started pushing the bike toward where my wife was standing. Good times, good times…

    I don’t mind snakes and gators and such as long as they don’t surprise me. I have seen black snakes up in palm trees in our yard but never in the structure of the house…shudder.

  97. 97.

    maurinsky

    September 22, 2015 at 8:01 am

    @Amir Khalid:

    I know there are such creatures, but they tend to abhor New England winters!

  98. 98.

    PaulW

    September 22, 2015 at 10:18 am

    I have met black snakes before here in Florida. They are cautious and shy. You merely need to avoid stepping on them and you will be fine.

  99. 99.

    SWMBO

    September 23, 2015 at 3:41 pm

    @ThresherK: http://allrecipes.com/recipe/77646/classic-crisco-pie-crust/

    The trick to making good pie crust is don’t over work the dough and keep it cold. Use a pastry blender to cut the flour and Crisco together (store Crisco in the fridge) until it makes pea size particles. Add water a little at a time until it holds together. Sprinkle flour on thick pancake of dough to roll it out. (Put the dough roller in the fridge to get it cold first). It will make flaky, tender pie crust every time.

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