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You are here: Home / Politics / Politicans / Cruz-ifiction / Late Night Open Thread: Cruz, Still Running for God-King

Late Night Open Thread: Cruz, Still Running for God-King

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He’s got as much chance of being the Republican candidate as I do, but Ted Cruz sure is doing his best to ensure himself many prosperous years as the new Newt Gingrich — now with Xtra Christianistism!

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ETA: Hat tip commentor TR:

Reader Interactions

105Comments

  7. 7.

    father pussbucket

    This is indistinguishable from any sound bite from Cruz in the past year. I’d like to see all their birth certificates to prove they’re not chatbots.

  11. 11.

    David Koch

    The 5 stages of grief

    1. Denial (“cling to a false, preferable reality”)
    2. Anger (“how could this happen!?!?”)
    3. Bargaining (“Maybe this is for the best”)
    4. Depression (“I’m so sad, why bother with anything”)
    5. Acceptance (“It’s going to be okay.”)

    So I read through some other blogs and they’re in complete shock over last night’s results. They’re beside themselves in panic, currently in stage 1 and 2 of grief.

    It reminds me of reaction of Romney’s voters on election night.

    Welp, you can avoid reality for only so long before it hits you straight between the eyes.

  14. 14.

    Chris

    How can you be a socialist AND a pacifist? I thought socialists were all about class war and revolution, and their talking smack about the rich was just like Krystallnacht and Hitlers’ invasion of Poland.

    Wait, this is the same thing that lets Obama be a Muslim AND an atheist with a radical Christian pastor, isn’t it?

  16. 16.

    Suzanne

    So I think that I have mentioned that I am leading a team in the design of a new behavioral health hospital for one of the country’s biggest health systems. I have been super-stressed out because we have had some complaints from the neighbors, and the project went before the city Planning Commission today.

    The complaints are so awful. They are the worst sort of NIMBYism and hatred for society and demonization of the mentally ill. (I think I have also mentioned that I have had to deal with the mental health system w/r/t my family members for years, so I am sensitive.)

    Anyway, one whiner showed up in person to complain, but the Commission unanimously approved the project today. Now on to City Council and Design Review Board.

    I don’t make enough money.

  19. 19.

    Mike in NC

    Ted Cruz is like a modern day Reinhard Heydrich, and about as attractive as that fascist monster.

  21. 21.

    Cervantes

    This might actually be the most irresponsible thing said by a GOP candidate this cycle

    It’s too incoherent to be irresponsible.

    It aspires to irresponsibility.

    Realizing that the van was loaded with firearms ammunition and a full tank of gas, the driver evacuated the area for safety.

    So, not Ted Cruz, then.

  22. 22.

    maya

    This would be the perfect time for Ted to reprise Michael Dukakis’ s tank ride wearing a bad-ass Hachimaki.

  23. 23.

    gbear

    @efgoldman:

    I wonder what he told his insurance company about the van, though.

    The story that I read said that he wasn’t even going to try to file an insurance claim. He knew he was going to have to eat the cost. Now if he was Florida man….

  24. 24.

    TG Chicago

    @Han:

    If there’s anything I hate, it’s a jackbooted pacifist.

    I know! I hate it when they try to strip my liberties with their weakness.

    They need to stop wearing their jackboots so vigorously.

  27. 27.

    Jager

    @efgoldman:

    The cop investigating the fire said the guy was going to take a loss on the van and not report it to his insurance company. So you can just haul garbage out in a field and burn it in Missouri? Handy.

  28. 28.

    Another Holocene Human

    @Chris: If it’s no warfare but class warfare, then anyone who talks down foreign wars is a G-d D-mn pacifist, as if being a pacifist is a bad thing or something. Well, it certainly is for Lockheed, Halliburton, Boeing, Raytheon, et al.

  29. 29.

    Elizabelle

    @efgoldman:

    If you saw that sequence in a movie, you’d think the screenwriter made it up and should stick more to “real life.”

    Insurers might save us all from these ammosexuals. Insurers might be our best bet, bless their black and calculating hearts.

    @Chris: Great comment. The morphing their fantasies require …

  30. 30.

    Another Holocene Human

    @Suzanne: Whew! Glad you cleared that hurdle.

    Yeah, public hearings with cranky neighbors WILL destroy your faith in humanity. Like, seriously, who the fuck are these people and where did they come from?

  31. 31.

    David Koch

    GOP talking point #1: [Insert Democrat] is weak and a thug; feckless and a tyrant; a communist and a fascist, soft on crime and heading a police state, doesn’t listen to public opinion and won’t lead, doesn’t speak clearly and is too frank, is a radical and leader of the establishment, is too short, but not tall enough.

  34. 34.

    Suzanne

    @Another Holocene Human: The comments are fucking ridiculous. One dude wrote to the City that he was scared because he saw someone walking down the street holding a rosary. Apparently it looked “straight out of a murder movie”, AND I QUOTE.

    I have been working really, REALLY long and hard on this because this will make our community so much better, and these fuckers are making me pissed.

  35. 35.

    Elie

    @Suzanne:

    YAY! wonderful Suzanne…

    No — you don’t get paid enough, but Lordy, to do something so — consequential

    You are blessed. Despite all the hard work, you are so blessed.

  36. 36.

    David Koch

    @gian:

    Do jackboots go with pantsuits?

    It depends on the color, material, and cut of the suit.

    A vinyl or leather pant suit would work, but not white, since it’s after Labor Day.

  37. 37.

    Another Holocene Human

    @Elizabelle:

    Insurers might save us all from these ammosexuals. Insurers might be our best bet, bless their black and calculating hearts.

    Apparently there’s a 2005 law (wow, how about that) which exempts gun manufacturers and retailers from a lot of liability. There are separate laws, I believe, going after the insurance side. Privatize the pain, socialize the cost.

    Basically, in a ‘free’ market (of torts), the gun machine would be feeling some damn pain right now. NRA has given them Teflon. No wonder they feel it, act like it, and the end buyers think that they get a little of that Teflon as well. Oh yeah, that’s what SYG is about.

    Tonight on radio gun advocates kept repeating “keep your family safe”. First, bullshit. Rate of homicide in most of US isn’t low enough but still, quite low and lower than it has been in decades upon decades. Second, bullshit. Guns are more likely to be used in suicides than homicides in the home. Almost never used against home invader. Such occurrences are rare, and home owners rarely get the drop on said individuals. Use in domestic violence is not uncommon. Use in suicide is most likely. Accidental slayings also occur with a mind-numbing regularity, usually of and by children. “Safe”.

  39. 39.

    David Koch

    @benw: lefty blogs. they were sure sander would rout the woman and are in shock that their fan fiction was rejcted.

  45. 45.

    jl

    At least with Reagan, the real historical Reagan was not as crazy as wingnut Zombie Godhead Reagan.
    But Cruz is Zombie Cruz. Period.

  46. 46.

    Mike J

    @David Koch: Have you seen imgur today? Rather than the cat pics I show up for, it was just sanderites and/or Republicans complaining that CNN gave Hillary a kajillion dollars and threw the debate for her.

  49. 49.

    amk

    @srv:

    Spoken like a true and shallow donald dreck supporter. After his flop show, dreck will go back to his millions/’billions’. What will you do? Shill for the next gop loser?

  50. 50.

    benw

    @David Koch:

    lefty blogs. they were sure sander would rout the woman and are in shock that their fan fiction was rejcted.

    That’s funny. I agree with Sanders on a lot of issues and plan to vote for him in the primary. (YES I AM VOTING D IN THE GENERAL LEAVE ME ALONE) But anyone who thought Clinton was going to be a debate pushover is smoking rainbow unicorn crack.

  52. 52.

    Chris

    @Another Holocene Human:

    It doesn’t even have to be a bad thing for them, is the thing. The German and Japanese military-industrial complexes weren’t ultimately made poorer by 1945. They just, y’know, switched to making cars and stuff instead of tanks, planes, and submarines.

  53. 53.

    Goblue72

    @Suzanne: Good luck! As a recently recovering real estate developer, at least you aren’t in California! There’d be an EIR, an appeal of the EIR, 100 screaming NIMBYs at the Planning Commission, multiple Design Reviews, more Planning Commission, a lawsuit, and a ballot proposition.

  54. 54.

    SFAW

    @Mike in NC:

    Ted Cruz is like a modern day Reinhard Heydrich, and about as attractive as that fascist monster.

    Are we also going to find out that Rafael (Senior and Junior*) are actually Jewish? That would kinda fuck up their whole Dominionist grift, wouldn’t it?

    *For those pedants among you: yes, I know they’re not Rafael Sr. and Rafael Jr.

  55. 55.

    Lord Baldrick

    Cruz? The Man From Calgary?

    Blame Canada. Blame Canada. It’s not even a real country anyway.

  56. 56.

    SFAW

    @Suzanne:

    Good work, thanks for doing it.

    I don’t make enough money.

    Well, if you can convince Baud! to choose you as his VP, the Brinks trucks will suddenly appear, carrying Unlimited Corporate Cash, of which you might avail yourself a little.

  59. 59.

    ruemara

    @Suzanne: No, you don’t. But thanks for what you do. I’ve sat through way too many Planning Commissin and CDBG meetings. Without advocates like you, so many would be hurting even more.

  64. 64.

    Suzanne

    @Goblue72: I’ve done projects in CA and I almost prefer it to here. It’s definitely more of a PITA, but we have the opposite situation with our health department, which is ridiculously underfunded and understaffed, with a huge backlog and capricious bullshit. For example, my firm did a $180M hospital tower. The City got approx $1M in permitting and plan review fees. ADHS got…..$150. And the Owner got $150 worth of service. They would literally be thrilled to pay 100 times as much and get better service. In an effort to look like they’re a cheap place to do business, they cost owners more, because it delays operations. It’s ludicrous.

    We have three zoning review (Conditional Use Permit, Architectural Design, and “Thematic Character”), then City permitting, ADHS, the County Health Department, and the Board of Pharmacy. Then JCAHO.

  65. 65.

    SFAW

    @Surreal American:

    Long ago, it became clear that George Will had been hit in the head by too many pop-ups into the stands. Were LBJ still around, he’d revise his Gerry Ford helmet comment to fit Will.

  66. 66.

    greennotGreen

    Hey, Ted! I know you worship the Constitution (which was written by a white man who owned black slaves, and approved by white men who denied the vote to men of color and all women,) but I’m pretty sure there’s another document you claim to follow, and commandment 1 is “You shall have no other gods before me. Commandment 2 is “You shall not make for yourself an image in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them.”

    Yeah, I know it’s not a golden calf, but the Constitution was created by fallible men who were just smart enough to understand that the country they were building might need to change its founding document as we grew. Ted, you could learn something from them.

  67. 67.

    Suzanne

    @seaboogie: Thanks to you and everyone else for the encouragement. I love what I do. I feel like I really get to use my talents to make positive change. But I am tired and after thinking about all the ways someone might commit suicide on a handrail or doorknob, I confess that I have come and posted on this blog about how much I like sex toys.

  69. 69.

    trollhattan

    If I owned my dream espresso house, the best drink in the joint would be called “Jackboot Pacifist.”

    All that education and Cruz has less sense than my dog. Thanks a lot, Texas.

  70. 70.

    craigie

    @Goblue72:

    Alternatively, you just do whatever it is you wanted to do in the first place, everyone gets upset, but nobody gets fined or prosecuted, and you win. I believe this is the California developer’s playbook, or at least the chapter for Los Angeles, which seems to have no (enforced) rules at all.

  76. 76.

    Aleta

    It’s easy to imagine Cruz alone in his bedroom, stamping his jackboots, saying things like that to the mirror.

  83. 83.

    Arclite

    Cruz is channeling Rush Limbaugh. It’s fine if a clown like Rush says it, but beyond the pale for a sitting Senator. How was this guy even elected?

  84. 84.

    Villago Delenda Est

    When Rafael speaks of “jackbooting”, he’s projecting, the vile JeeboNazi shit.

  85. 85.

    Calliope Jane

    @Suzanne: I’m super late for this, but thank you for your work on that. Mental health is so woefully underfunded but the facility is going to help so many in that area.

    I’m imagining those community meetings to be like Parks & Rec…but not as amusing, I’m sure.

  86. 86.

    J R in WV

    @Suzanne:

    That’s quite a responsible project, and a big plus for the community, in spite of the NIMBY wingnuts. Best of luck with it.

    Make it a beautiful place to learn and heal!

    Good luck! Keep us posted with little pics of progress.

    I hired a guy from Peru who is a genius systems builder, then his fiance came here to so graduate work at U of Illinois-Champlain in Architecture. So one day he asks me if I know any Architects (I did, guy who worked with us to build our home, now lead partner in his firm!) because Carmen wanted to do a local internship, but needed to do real architecture, not running a blueprint machine.

    I passed her portfolio to Tom, who offered her an actual job for the summer, and now she’s been there 5 or 6 years. Nearly as brilliant as her husband! Her family was reluctant to allow her to join G. Chu, until he offered to cover her expenses at Grad School! Money talks, BS walks.

    So best of luck, S!! and have big fun!

  87. 87.

    Enhanced Voting Techniques

    @srv:

    Tell me you can’t see Hillary wearing jackboots.

    only if they are pacifist jackboots.

    You know who else was a Hippy? HITLER!!!!

  89. 89.

    I'mNotSureWhoIWantToBeYet

    @Another Holocene Human: Gun Violence Archive has numbers:

    GUN VIOLENCE ARCHIVE 2015 TOLL OF GUN VIOLENCE

    Total Number of Incidents 41,262

    Number of Deaths1 10,408

    Number of Injuries1 21,124

    Number of Children (age 0-11) Killed/Injured1 566

    Number of Teens (age 12-17) Killed/Injured1 2,062

    Mass Shooting2 271

    Officer Involved Shooting2 3,455

    Home Invasion2 1,758

    Defensive Use2 944

    Accidental Shooting2 1,472

    Gun violence incidents collected/validated from 1200+ sources daily – source links on each incident report.

    1: Actual number of deaths and injuries

    2: Number of INCIDENTS reported and verified

    Numbers on this table reflect a subset of all information collected and will not add to 100% of incidents.

    http://www.gunviolencearchive.org http://www.facebook.com/gunviolencearchive

    Data Validated: October 15, 2015

    You’re right it is a small number. Even the number reported here isn’t broken down in any of their reports so it’s not exactly clear what it means. (Presumably a gun was either used by the invader or by the person in the home.)

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  90. 90.

    I'mNotSureWhoIWantToBeYet

    Ack. I have a comment with too many links (URLs in a quote were linkified without any action on my part). Help?

    Thanks.

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  91. 91.

    I'mNotSureWhoIWantToBeYet

    @David Koch: The image text writer does have a point: the pundits and those with megaphones are talking up Hillary while the few early polls, focus groups, etc., that we hear about do seem to say that Sanders won. (Of course, they’re not valid, but they’re numbers and are therefore “objective”, amirite?).

    It’s the first debate, and it’s still very early. I don’t think it means much toward the outcome either way.

    Of course, Jim Webb was the real winner, and he’ll tell us more about how he’s the man at his CFR conversation today.

    :-/

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  92. 92.

    Matt McIrvin

    @Suzanne:

    One dude wrote to the City that he was scared because he saw someone walking down the street holding a rosary. Apparently it looked “straight out of a murder movie”, AND I QUOTE.

    Maybe one of those Satan movies with Catholic exorcists in them, and lots of spooky crucifix-and-incense imagery? I tell you, somebody’s head was gonna start spinning around!

  94. 94.

    Matt McIrvin

    @Another Holocene Human:

    Second, bullshit. Guns are more likely to be used in suicides than homicides in the home. Almost never used against home invader. Such occurrences are rare, and home owners rarely get the drop on said individuals. Use in domestic violence is not uncommon. Use in suicide is most likely.

    The problem is, the gun folks cite this fact as support. A high rate of gun deaths doesn’t matter, they say, because what the liberals aren’t telling you is that most of them are suicides. You and your family are perfectly sane people, right? You’re not going to kill yourselves, so you have nothing to worry about!

    It’s the same illusion of control that makes people feel safer when they’re driving a vehicle than when somebody else is driving. They all figure they’re the best drivers in the world.

  95. 95.

    debbie

    That Cruz could presume to denounce what was said at the debate without having listened to what was said is all anyone needs to know about Cruz. Bah, humbug!

  96. 96.

    Matt McIrvin

    …The idea that suicides don’t count is mainstream, too: FactChecker just dinged Hillary Clinton for citing the high level of gun deaths in the debate without revealing that most of them were just suicides.

  97. 97.

    Matt

    IT’S ALWAYS PROJECTION – GOP pols who are downright PROUD of their war crimes and torture, who openly boast about their plans to deport 12 million people (some of them CITIZENS), who go on record describing how they’ve misused a Congressional committee to ratfuck an opponent, are now accusing anyone ELSE of “wearing the jackboot”. FFS.

  98. 98.

    Jeffro

    @debbie:

    That Cruz could presume to denounce what was said at the debate without having listened to what was said is all anyone needs to know about Cruz. Bah, humbug!

    That’s what we know about him…to his supporters, they won’t think to question that (or think twice even if they stumble across the fact that he didn’t watch)

    This is exactly what makes Cruz dangerous: he is completely willing to whip up the most gullible and dangerous of the GOP rubes (the gun nuts, the apocalyptic religious nuts, the ultra-libertarian paranoids, i.e., his base), with the most inflammatory language possible, in the hopes of advancing himself to the White House.

    I’m encouraged at the lengths his own party’s Establishment members are willing to go to in order to kneecap him, but I’m worried that it just makes him push his own base’s crazy buttons even harder, to get to that 51% (or barring that, to extort a spot on the ticket if he’s able to solidify his hold on the non-Establishment base).

  100. 100.

    sherparick

    The sad thing is that the substantial portion of the population living in the right-wing media bubble will think he is 100% right.

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