Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

She burned that motherfucker down, and I am so here for it. Thank you, Caroline Kennedy.

SCOTUS: It’s not “bribery” unless it comes from the Bribery region of France. Otherwise, it’s merely “sparkling malfeasance”.

Never entrust democracy to any process that requires republicans to act in good faith.

If you are still in the gop, you are either an extremist yourself, or in bed with those who are.

Hot air and ill-informed banter

If rights aren’t universal, they are privilege, not rights.

Fight them, without becoming them!

Many life forms that would benefit from greater intelligence, sadly, do not have it.

People are complicated. Love is not.

Republicans got rid of McCarthy. Democrats chose not to save him.

Dear elected officials: Trump is temporary, dishonor is forever.

Everything is totally normal and fine!!!

Shut up, hissy kitty!

🎶 Those boots were made for mockin’ 🎵

Jesus watching the most hateful people claiming to be his followers

“Everybody’s entitled to be an idiot.”

There are no moderate republicans – only extremists and cowards.

I would try pessimism, but it probably wouldn’t work.

If you cannot answer whether trump lost the 2020 election, you are unfit for office.

We still have time to mess this up!

My right to basic bodily autonomy is not on the table. that’s the new deal.

After dobbs, women are no longer free.

Lick the third rail, it tastes like chocolate!

If you still can’t see these things even now, maybe politics isn’t your forte and you should stop writing about it.

You are here: Home / Open Threads / Preparation is the Key to Success: Halloween Edition

Preparation is the Key to Success: Halloween Edition

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Just in case something goes really, really wrong between now and tomorrow night, I thought it was prudent to direct everyone to Field Manual (FM) 999-3: Counter Zombie Operations at the Fireteam Level*.

Stay alert! Stay alive! And if necessary: Strike Hard!

FM 999-3 Counter-Zombie Operations at the Fireteam Level

* I actually used this in the US Army’s first Warfighting Exercise in 2012. I was temporarily assigned control (TACON) as the Cultural Advisor for III Corps throughout 2012 and was on site as the Corps’ cultural advisor for the exercise. As the exercise was winding down some wise guy in exercise control (EXCON) decided to throw a massive solar flare generated EMP that wiped out all unshielded electronics into the scenario (added for clarity). Deciding rather to be safe then sorry, as I’d seen Night of the Comet, I immediately stepped out of the targeting synch meeting, went down the hall to my office, printed out a copy of FM 999-3, and brought it back to the meeting.

Reader Interactions

42Comments

  1. 1.

    Zinsky

    Why do military types think acronyms are so cool? Do they think it makes them sound smarter or something? Or do they think it helps conceal the fact that all they are about is slaughtering other human beings, in direct contradiction of Jesus’s admonition to “love each other as I have loved you”?

  3. 3.

    Corner Stone

    decided to throw a massive solar flare generated EMP that wiped out all unshielded electronics.

    I…uhhh…what?

  4. 4.

    scav

    So now I figure out why all y’all were watching that last debate — arms-length real-world training. I am so toast.

  5. 5.

    Anoniminous

    @Corner Stone:

    Believe It or Not:

    The solar storm of 1859, also known as the Carrington event, was a powerful geomagnetic solar storm in 1859 during solar cycle 10. A solar coronal mass ejection hit Earth’s magnetosphere and induced one of the largest geomagnetic storms on record. The associated “white light flare” in the solar photosphere was observed and recorded by English astronomers Richard C. Carrington and Richard Hodgson.

    Studies have shown that a solar storm of this magnitude occurring today would likely cause widespread problems for modern civilization. The solar storm of 2012 was of similar magnitude, but it passed Earth’s orbit without striking the planet.

  10. 10.

    NotMax

    Friend used to work for Terminix

    Gave him one of these, which he then installed conspicuously on the top of the truck’s dashboard.

  11. 11.

    Corner Stone

    Zombie events, whether the speedy kind or walker type will never end well for the proto-survivors. There’s just no scenario that leads to long term survival.

  13. 13.

    jl

    And you have noting for vampire, werewolf, Frankenstein monster, or giant radioactive merman attacks?
    See what destruction to our military readiness Democratic misrule has wrought.

  14. 14.

    Steeplejack (phone)

    @Corner Stone:

    Don’t insult Briscoe by even bringing up that preening douchebag Caine in the same sentence.

    Briscoe’s best (most compatible) partner? I’m torn.

  17. 17.

    Peale

    @Corner Stone: best course I suppose is to succumb at the time, place, and manner of one’s choosing. I will quit my job and go fishing until they find me.

  18. 18.

    NotMax

    @jl

    From the “Nullzilla” episode of ReBoot:

    Bob: You’re prepared for a giant monster made entirely of nulls stomping around Mainframe?

    Phong: That is correct.

    Bob: How do you plan for that?

    Phong: Uh, lucky guess?.

  21. 21.

    Corner Stone

    @Steeplejack (phone):

    Briscoe’s best (most compatible) partner? I’m torn.

    Has to be Ed Green, right?
    At that time Logan was already foreshadowing his end of run. Rey Curtis was an uncompromising stick up the ass prick, unless he was getting his.
    Det Green was a little bit nutty and a little bit slutty. Perfect for OG Briscoe’s style of “bend but don’t break” detecting.

  25. 25.

    Adam L Silverman

    @jl: Do you have a need to know about these things? if not – maybe we do, maybe we don’t…

  26. 26.

    Omnes Omnibus

    I think the M-203 would be effective with the shot canisters rather than grenades. That is a wonderful parody of an army FM though.

  39. 39.

    BruceFromOhio

    Deciding rather to be safe then sorry, as I’d seen Night of the Comet, I immediately stepped out of the targeting synch meeting, went down the hall to my office, printed out a copy of FM 999-3, and brought it back to the meeting.

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Awesome!!!

  40. 40.

    ruemara

    To be fair, I used raid planning in WOW to pass my incident management final for FEMA. Hey, there could be a dragon.

  41. 41.

    Soonergrunt

    We use zombies in emergency management training and planning. It frees the mind from restrictions. We don’t know what zombies would be capable of if they existed, but if you worry about floods, you plan for floods, and if you worry about earthquakes, you plan for earthquakes, and you neglect planning for other threats. With zombies, you have to plan for several eventualities, and allocate your limited resources for all of them.
    Obviously we don’t actually plan for zombies, but by starting from a point of dealing with the unknown we don’t lock our assumptions (that may be wrong or inadequate) into the mix from the beginning.

  42. 42.

    Adam L Silverman

    @Soonergrunt: I developed the concept of operations for leveraging what we would now call Engagement (then socio-cultural research, analysis, and mapping) in support of and to better enable emergency management and disaster response. If you want/need anything on this, please let me know and I’ll be happy to help.

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