Heartland Amuricatm‘s recent displays of smug stupidity are threatening the hipster tolerance-above-all comity of our coastal elites (/snark). Hamilton Nolan, at Gawker — “Dumb Hicks Are America’s Greatest Threat“:
…[Y]ou, our elected officials, are embarrassing us. All of us, except your fellow dumb hicks, who voted for you in large numbers. You—our racist, xenophobic, knuckle-dragging ignorant leaders—are making us look bad in front of the guests (the whole world). You are the bad cousin in the family who always ruins Thanksgiving. Go in the back room and drink a can of beer alone please.
Some will say it is rude to point out that many of our leaders are, in fact, stupid hicks. I say it is ruder to block a war refugee from coming to your unattractive state due to the fact that you, personally, are dumb. Some may disagree.
We do not need a national debate about whether it is “good” to, at the first sign of danger, retreat into a cocoon of viciousness and stupidity and label every less-than-white foreigner a danger to us from which we must cower in fear. It is not good. What it is is stupid. Because the people reacting this way are stupid hicks. America is a big place. We have thousands and thousands of elected officials. A statistically significant number of them are bound to be dumb hicks. It’s just math. I was born and raised down south and I can testify that it is full of dumb hicks, running things. There are regional variations in all other parts of the country as well. It would be better if we could keep the dumbass hicks at, say, the County Commissioner level and below. But sometimes they filter all the way up to governor and whatnot. Chris Christie, warning us against the dangers of five-year-old Syrian orphans, is little more than the New Jersey version of a loud, dumb hick. That’s democracy in action I guess.
The important thing I want to communicate to the world is: these are dumb hicks. Many Southern mayors are dumb hicks. Many lesser known state representatives are dumb hicks. The governor of Texas has traditionally been, with notable exceptions, a dumb hick. It is wrong to think that our political leaders should be smarter than us. In fact, they are roughly as smart as the people who elect them—us, a nation that boasts large and coherent pockets of dumbass hicks, running things…
Stupid hicks have been fucking shit up for centuries here. Now is no different. Banning poor, penniless refugees from coming to your shitty little town due to terrified, aggressive ignorance is a shameful thing to do. But that is what we get for putting dumb hicks in charge of things. In fact, putting dumb hicks in powerful positions has been the single most damaging thing in the history of America. For us, it’s what we deserve. There is no reason to make refugees suffer for our demographic sins, though. Sorry for that…
In before someone else has to point it out: Chickenshit Charlie Baker, Governor of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, is not technically a dumb hick. He just belongs to a political party which insists that its members must at least pretend to be dumb hicks, because that’s where they find their voters. So we can expand the category of Greatest Threats to include “dumb hicks and the cowards-cum-grifters who pander to them“.
Apart from that, Mrs. Lincoln, what’s on the agenda for the weekend?