Remember: the New England Patriots are a lock to win. I don’t know why they’re even playing the game, it’s such a foregone conclusion.
Belichick is not only an unsurpassed genius of the gridiron (and anyone who says otherwise is just a jealous loser), he is a fashion maven who is resurrecting the “Flashdance” cutoff sweats look for a new generation, a cultural contribution that future anthropologists will appreciate even if the nattering nabobs of negativism today scorn it.
And Brady? How can words on a blog even begin to approach the task of describing his magnificence? The Bills are unto slugs under the mighty Brady cleat, and they should just do the right thing and decline to come out of the tunnel, ceding the contest to a clearly superior foe.
You read it here first, friends: The Pats are a lock, and it’s like asking Mozart to tune a piano to require Belichick-Brady to play the game to reach that inevitable conclusion.
Corner Stone
YEEEEAAAHHHH!! OK!!
Whhhatt?? Uh, WATT?!
OK!
Corner Stone
And they shall whither before Him as He sprinkles His salts pulled from His mighty crotch pouch.
FlyingToaster
Silly Betty. Your attempts to cast a spell on TB12 and the Pats will fail. Again.
Hahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahaha!
Mnemosyne (iPhone)
We’re going to be having takeout turkey dinner on Thanksgiving because it seems silly to make my sister-in-law cook a turkey from scratch for four adults and a 17-year-old.
Plus she’s not a very good cook (she’s the one who made pressed boiled turkey loaf and Potato Buds one year) so it’s not like we’re really missing out on some home cookin’.
Bobby Thomson
Just remember, Betty, that we become what we pretend to be.
James E Powell
No game is a lock for the Patriots; they are not that kind of team. But if I were a betting man, I’d be looking at Belichick & Brady vs. Ryan & Who?
piratedan7
I really don’t understand how these guys are called geniuses when the vast majority of them win with a system when they find a bunch of pieces that fit just right… you want a guy who can coach, take Joe Gibbs, he did it with three different styles of offense, ball control with Joe Thiesman and power running, then an Don Coryell style passing attack with various styles of wideouts found by Dog Williams and then bombs away with Mark Rypien and the deep passing attack and a stalwart Defense. everybody else, it’s almost always a superior QB tied to a system and keeping key role players for a multi-year run.
schrodinger's cat
You sound bitter BC, not a Pats fan, I see.
BruceFromOhio
Sorry, I once watched a wretched Browns squad put these guys down, and they absolutely fell apart. It can happen twice. However, once it gets to be a 3-possession game, you can go back to knitting or watching paint dry or whatever.
Corner Stone
“And the home of the..brrraaaaavvvveee….UUURRKK!!”
{As she has a spear point from one of the flags behind her jabbed through her back, piercing her heart.}
CROWD: “U>S>A!! U>S>A!! U>S>A!!”
Corner Stone
With all the injuries to NE they are still asking Amendola to do punt returns?
Anonymous At Work
Forgot, “Oh, and not to jinx their Super Bowl chances…”
Mike J
@Corner Stone: Who sang it?
Mike J
Brady is unstoppable!
JPL
Although I like the Pats, I’m still not willing to pay for cable just to see ESPN….
SiubhanDuinne
I don’t even like football, but Betty Cracker cracks me up with this extended Pats riff.
benw
@Mike J: Bills are knocking him around, though.
Steeplejack (phone)
@Betty Cracker:
Well, Jon Grudin certainly agrees with you.
Feudalism Now!
Those Dolphins were amazing yesterday…
The Bills could beat the Pats. I predict they will choose to beat themselves again.
goblue72
Points on the board.
Ripley
Adjusted for accuracy.
Steeplejack (phone)
@Ripley:
Why do you hate America?
Ripley
@Steeplejack (phone): Um, habit?
Corner Stone
This NCAAM LSU v Marquette game is nuts late.
Betty Cracker
All of y’all who hate on Chucky as an announcer are so full of shit. He’s awesome. Instead of blathering on about bullshit human interest garbage, he’s seeing the patterns and anticipating the plays.
Corner Stone
Ben Simmons off tha glass!
Corner Stone
@Betty Cracker: I just hate it that every single game he finds a player or players who are “The Absolute Best” at X or Y or Z.
“The best!”
goblue72
Beginning to see the effects of the loss of Edelman and Lewis, along with the decimated OL. Both guys crucial tools in the Pats ability to convert 3rd down.
Germy
George Lopez on PBS for Eddie Murphy’s Mark Twain Prize ceremony:
“All of Donald Trump’s wives were immigrants from other countries. It proves that immigrants are doing jobs that American women don’t want to do.”
different-church-lady
@Betty Cracker: That’s why so many people hate him. A whole lot of sports fans hate any person who knows more about the game than they do.
Betty Cracker
@Corner Stone: He’s definitely got his annoying quirks — they all do. But I think the substance to bullshit ratio is pretty damn good with Chucky compared with most of the nitwits who call the games. But he gets so much hate!
redshirt
@goblue72: How could their loss not be a big deal? They were awesome, and you don’t have equally awesome players sitting on the bench.
max
@piratedan7: everybody else, it’s almost always a superior QB tied to a system and keeping key role players for a multi-year run.
That’s the genius part: keeping the differing multi-year role players around given parity.
max
[‘The rest… enh.’]
Corner Stone
There’s a…Point Break….remake? Why? Why?
Lord Baldrick
@Betty Cracker: Looooove Chucky. Not only a good analyst, but always brings back pleasant memories of the game that started all the fun.
Walt Coleman > Ben Dreith
Steeplejack (phone)
@Corner Stone:
Srsly. My thoughts exactly. And the lead has less charisma than Deeks on NCIS: LA.
redshirt
@efgoldman: I can’t see the game – how’s the balance of action? It seems to be in Buffalo’s favor.
different-church-lady
@redshirt: No, it’s pretty even.
ETA:
thirdfourth time Brady’s had to dump the ball. Rex ain’t a dummy.Corner Stone
Man, all the teams have injuries at this point in the season but the Pats seem to keep getting bit.
p.a.
@piratedan7: Gibbs really is kind of a forgotten man. 4 SB’s, 3 wins, 3 different QB’s. His 2nd round as coach was poor, that may be why. And a success at NASCAR.
And will somebody give some lurv to Terry Bradshaw? I don’t care how much talent those Steelers had, you don’t go 4-0 in Superbowls by accident. And 2 of the wins vs. excellent Cowboys teams. Probably the most talent-filled SB contests ever.
BruceFromOhio
OK Brady quit FUCKING AROUND. Who put you up to this?
different-church-lady
Anyone know how Gostowski is at the wide receiver position?
NotMax
@Corner Stone
It gets worse.
Corner Stone
@Steeplejack (phone):
Dammit! Do not even go there with me! I stopped watching NCIS: LA when that tool was written to be romantic with Agent Blye. Bull to the Fucking Shit!
Although, is it irony that she married Deeks’ stunt double? Hmmm…
Betty Cracker
@efgoldman: Are we listening to the same game? Chucky has had an occasional compliment for Taylor, but he’s been more critical than laudatory. The lion’s share of the knob-slobbering goes to Brady (and not without justification…).
Corner Stone
@NotMax: ***Shutters***
different-church-lady
@efgoldman: Dobson is out. Next man up is going pretty far down the list at this point.
Goblue72
@redshirt: It’s not just a matter of Team X losing Awesome Player Y, so of course they won’t be as good, yadda yadda.
It’s a matter of both of them playing the same crucial role – 3rd down conversion. Lewis was basically the old Kevin Faulk role – 3rd down conversion receiving back. Likewise, Edelman in the slot, and at Z, was critical for 3rd down packages.
We could survive the loss of one. Not both. Before they went out, we were near tops in league at 3rd down conversion efficiency. It’s why we scored on so many possessions.
In Giants game, our efficiency dropped a LOT. We’re seeing it again tonite.
Somebody gonna need to step up. Lafell is a wideout at X, so answer isn’t there. Amending really needs to earn his money now.
p.a.
@different-church-lady: Pats activated a receiver from the practice squad this week.
Revis hasn’t looked great this year, but the Kraft’s ‘budget priorities’ may cost them this year. db’s after Butler average at best. (Oh and Browner, along with the rest of Saint’s D, has been awful.)
Corner Stone
Shady a little shaken up on that last pass incompletion.
Corner Stone
Off the uprights! That was 100% going in until the last 3 yards. What a weird pattern.
Corner Stone
Is Brady practicing skipping rocks tonight? He does know it’s not ping pong rules, right?
redshirt
@Corner Stone: Pats cheat.
Steeplejack (phone)
@NotMax:
Oh, dear.
p.a.
@redshirt: Pats simply cheat better than the other 31 cheaters.
different-church-lady
Illegal sideline exhalation.
redshirt
Next man up!
Corner Stone
That dude is *tiny*.
different-church-lady
But you add ONE DAMN LINK, and your comment goes to moderation…
p.a.
@efgoldman: Nobody cares about unsuccessful cheaters.
TD! 6 plays 33 seconds. Next man up.
Betty Cracker
See? It’s all over. Told y’all. Might as well stream Jessica Jones or something. This game is in the bag!
redshirt
@Betty Cracker: Loving the good vibes Betty! Go Pats!
different-church-lady
THE HEADSET TOSS! Memories of the Super Bowl!
Steeplejack (phone)
@Corner Stone:
Saw Deeks (actor) on House Hunters, looking for a vacation place in Jackson Hole, and he was exactly the same as on the show. WTF.
different-church-lady
@p.a.: It was cold in Boston this morning. One of my tires was a little flat. I’m having Ted Wells look into it.
different-church-lady
@redshirt: Illegal sideline exhalation.
different-church-lady
Fuck you FYWP, fuck you.
p.a.
@Betty Cracker: Hey Betty I was at the Jacksonville and Miami games up here. Good thing you’re more of a college fan ;-) (To even things out I was also at the ‘Ronnie Brown runs wild at the Razor’ Wildcat game. Talk about a shocked crowd.)
redshirt
@different-church-lady: What? Pressurized systems don’t lose volume in the cold!
different-church-lady
http://www.patspulpit.com/2015/11/2/9661962/breaking-nfl-releases-mandatory-post-game-complaint-form-for-patriots
different-church-lady
@redshirt: It doesn’t matter. It’s more probable than not that Brady was generally aware.
different-church-lady
@redshirt: Since FYWP has decided I will not be allowed to link tonight, Google up “Illegal sideline exhalation” for a laugh.
redshirt
@different-church-lady: *destroys cell phone and changes uggs.
redshirt
@different-church-lady: I learned tonight you cannot just use links anymore. If you want to use a link:
1. Copy your link location
2. Type a keyword or phrase in your BJ response than highlight that text.
3. Click the “Link” button and paste your copied link location
Done.
different-church-lady
@redshirt: Yup, that’s what I did. Still got sent to comment prison.
FlyingToaster
@different-church-lady: Like this?
Goblue72
Bills can’t even start the half without drawing a penalty. WERE IN THEIR HEADZ!!!
Corner Stone
What was that whistle for?
redshirt
What’s going on?
Steeplejack (phone)
@Corner Stone:
Ref sneezed.
different-church-lady
So here’s a fun fact: the Jets came in to Foxborough sporting a 4-1 record. After losing to the Pats, they went 1-3.
Bill Belichick, destroyer of minds.
different-church-lady
@FlyingToaster: lemme buy you a drink.
different-church-lady
And that ends Gostkowski’s streak.
redshirt
Is this game rigged?
Corner Stone
That is sketchy as fuck.
? Martin
Belichick needs to learn how to encroach on the field during big plays and draw that whistle.
Lord Baldrick
Well, that was blatant cheating by Rex Ryan. Got away with it, too.
Guessing that Goodell44 won’t force a four-game suspension for Rexall.
p.a.
@redshirt: If Goddell had his way…
? Martin
@Corner Stone: But McCoy is such a nice young man – just give it to him. He worked really hard.
FlyingToaster
Wow. It’s actually getting interesting.
(Mostly not watching due to headcold, but the Bills didn’t miss the extra point!)
different-church-lady
@Lord Baldrick: Brady was probably generally aware that it happened. Eight games and Goodell gets to take Giselle on a date. Article 46.
Goblue72
Pats need a sustained drive this possession to give the D a rest.
? Martin
All that said, Bills really have Brady’s number this game.
p.a.
I’m listening on radio. If Brady has the yips from the rush Bills can win as long as no turnovers. Gronk 1 catch so far.
Goblue72
@p.a.: Can’t win if you can’t convert third down. Loss of Lewis and Edelman hurts. We have no real power running game.
redshirt
What’s going on now?
FlyingToaster
I’m sure it involved the Ideal Gas Law.
p.a.
Let’s go TO time
p.a.
That’s turn over not Terell Owens
redshirt
Amendola now out.
Can Brady do this himself?
Apparently.
FlyingToaster
WTF?
p.a.
TO time. Want 7
redshirt
@p.a.: How is Gronk getting shut down?
? Martin
Man, what a shitshow this game is.
Tom and Gronk better practice some long plays, because they might be the only two guys left by the end of the season.
? Martin
@redshirt: He’s pretty much the only guy left to cover.
p.a.
Amendola hammy hurt on punt return
BruceFromOhio
Pretty sure the tv audience just dropped significantly.
@? Martin: This.
p.a.
@redshirt: double team, hi/low, which means other guys open but the rush isn’t giving Brady consistent time to hit them. Whoever they are at this point in time; LaFell the only 1st stringer left. (Actually getting pressure using only 4 means everybody has a defender on them- in theory.)
Cannon at left tackle will get Brady killed.
? Martin
Until tonight I didn’t realize that State Farm commercial was a documentary.
benw
Ooooh INT! Terrible pass by Brady.
redshirt
@efgoldman: Don’t get cocky kid!
redshirt
WTF is going on with this game? I can’t picture it from the radio.
John Revolta
@efgoldman: “[[Chandler Jones] is probably headed to the pro bowl for sure.”
He’s going for the Yogi Berra effect, but sometimes it doesn’t always work.
p.a.
@efgoldman: NFL network Thursday, wonder if the NFL cares that much about audience share; no network paying for the rights (unsourced assumption), who needs good teams? The hardcore and fantasy leaguers will watch. Ad revenue won’t be great, but (another assumption) it’s cost-plus. Is production by the NFL, or does a network provide the hardware?
? Martin
@redshirt: Envision the best high-school football game you’ve ever seen. Then focus on that and stop listening to this game because it’s worse.
max
@efgoldman: Who runs a sweep on third and a foot?
Third and six inches. They should have done a short out pass.
max
[‘Since I assume they didn’t want to go up the middle.’]
? Martin
Marcus Cannon proves Patton’s adage that fixed fortifications are a monument to the stupidity of man.
benw
watta catch!
benw
watta pass!
Omnes Omnibus
@? Martin: Castles were amazing force multipliers in the pre-gunpowder age.
? Martin
@Omnes Omnibus: Well, back when you could fit everyone in the castle… well, everyone you cared about.
Tenar Darell
@Corner Stone: Because because… I really don’t know, but I laughed out loud when I saw the trailer in the movie theater.
Omnes Omnibus
@? Martin: Sure. But star fortresses also were quite effective in their time. Fixed positions became truly obsolete with the advent of motorized forces. The increase in speed changed everything.
redshirt
Gondolin should have lasted forever if not for a Dwarven betrayal.
max
@efgoldman: Brady would have run a sneak, and made it.
Likely. Out pass to the weak side would have been good for quite a few yards, I think. Pats are not super-vulnerable to that kind of thing, but more so than whatever the hell that was.
max
[‘Sheesh. I feel sorry for the Bills guy.’]
max
@? Martin: Marcus Cannon proves Patton’s adage that fixed fortifications are a monument to the stupidity of man.
Patton’s adage cost his 20k in pointless casualties attacking Verdun.
max
[‘He didn’t take it.’]
Omnes Omnibus
@efgoldman: Is the Nazgul on a horse or flying thing?
redshirt
Wow. What a Pats win.
different-church-lady
And the Injury Bowl comes to an end.
max
Well, I think we can say that Rex is maybe not so good with the offensive play-calling.
max
[‘Not that he ever was.’]
Omnes Omnibus
Bad officiating all night.
goblue72
Timely sack by Ninkovich.
p.a.
“Dragons and Barogs and Orcs”
“Oh my!”
different-church-lady
“What a screwed up night of plays and officiating this was. Wow.”
different-church-lady
@efgoldman: Pats are about one injury away from being just that.
different-church-lady
@goblue72: The defense stepped up big and saved this game.
? Martin
@different-church-lady: Well, Brady might be about the last QB this season to not be injured at some point. We’ll see if Taylor’s turns out to be bad or not.
Omnes Omnibus
@efgoldman: Brings in air power. Part of the change that motors made in our world.
goblue72
@different-church-lady: Yup. This win is all on the defense. Hope they get plenty of rest. I got a feeling next week in Denver is going to be more of the same.
p.a.
@Omnes Omnibus:
NFL becoming near unwatchable. Despite all the rules to help the offense most games are ugly. And I don’t like those pseudo-flag football games like Giants/Saints.
Now get off my lawn.
goblue72
@? Martin: Pats OL is gonna get a LOT of extra homework time this week.
Omnes Omnibus
@p.a.: I’ll stay on your lawn until the cops show up.
p.a.
@Omnes Omnibus: shit. I live in a city. They have more important things to do.
I had 2 show up last year about a 911 call; woman getting hit. Call from a cell phone, my address was the best guess the computer spit out. They didn’t seem concerned enough to drive the neighborhood that I could see once they checked me out.
goblue72
@Omnes Omnibus: Cops showing up? What is that?
Omnes Omnibus
@p.a.: At some point, I will get bored or cold. Or so you hope.
redshirt
@efgoldman: I’ve got wicked soft hands. I’m gonna call Bobbie Kraft.
p.a.
@efgoldman: not a big city. Even have woodchucks.
p.a.
Or the rats use mousse. I don’t know what the moose use. Or the mice.
different-church-lady
Oh, by the way, nice job Betty.
p.a.
@Omnes Omnibus: don’t stay too long, my neighbors have young kids. We don’t need lurkers.
different-church-lady
@redshirt: I think he’s already got a girlfriend.
Omnes Omnibus
@p.a.: Ask me to stay.
Omnes Omnibus
@efgoldman: redshirt is female?
goblue72
@efgoldman: Yeah, but we had two OL players back. Seabass missed last week with a concussion and was back tonight. Cannon hasn’t played since week 6 I think. Vollmer is one of the best right tackles in the NFL. Cannon is not nearly the player Nate Solder is at LT (losing Solder earlier this season really hurts), but he’s a solidly average tackle.
With those two returning, we should have a good enough OL. Just hoping its some yips to iron out due to them being out (esp. Cannon).
goblue72
@different-church-lady: Ha!
Omnes Omnibus
@efgoldman: Okay then.
Duane
@Mnemosyne (iPhone):
mak
I know, right? (bostonian here)
Bruce K
Wasn’t Superbowl 42 also a foregone conclusion?
JimV
Great post. It would have made me laugh out loud on a slow Tuesday morning if I had a bit more spirit. As it is, I laughed on the inside. Thank you, keep up the good work. That is all.