Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

We’ve had enough carrots to last a lifetime. break out the sticks.

They are not red states to be hated; they are voter suppression states to be fixed.

Disappointing to see gov. newsom with his finger to the wind.

All hail the time of the bunny!

Red lights blinking on democracy’s dashboard

People really shouldn’t expect the government to help after they watched the GOP drown it in a bathtub.

If rights aren’t universal, they are privilege, not rights.

Peak wingnut was a lie.

Rupert, come get your orange boy, you petrified old dinosaur turd.

A norm that restrains only one side really is not a norm – it is a trap.

If you voted for Trump, you don’t get to speak about ethics, morals, or rule of law.

The party of Reagan has become the party of Putin.

This country desperately needs a functioning fourth estate.

If a good thing happens for a bad reason, it’s still a good thing.

Beware of advice from anyone for whom Democrats are “they” and not “we.”

There are a lot more evil idiots than evil geniuses.

She burned that motherfucker down, and I am so here for it. Thank you, Caroline Kennedy.

Oppose, oppose, oppose. do not congratulate. this is not business as usual.

This must be what justice looks like, not vengeful, just peaceful exuberance.

Nothing says ‘pro-life’ like letting children go hungry.

The snowflake in chief appeared visibly frustrated when questioned by a reporter about egg prices.

Motto for the House: Flip 5 and lose none.

With all due respect and assumptions of good faith, please fuck off into the sun.

They fucked up the fucking up of the fuckup!

You are here: Home / Open Threads / Monday Night Football Open Thread

Monday Night Football Open Thread

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Remember: the New England Patriots are a lock to win. I don’t know why they’re even playing the game, it’s such a foregone conclusion.

Belichick is not only an unsurpassed genius of the gridiron (and anyone who says otherwise is just a jealous loser), he is a fashion maven who is resurrecting the “Flashdance” cutoff sweats look for a new generation, a cultural contribution that future anthropologists will appreciate even if the nattering nabobs of negativism today scorn it.

And Brady? How can words on a blog even begin to approach the task of describing his magnificence? The Bills are unto slugs under the mighty Brady cleat, and they should just do the right thing and decline to come out of the tunnel, ceding the contest to a clearly superior foe.

You read it here first, friends: The Pats are a lock, and it’s like asking Mozart to tune a piano to require Belichick-Brady to play the game to reach that inevitable conclusion.

Reader Interactions

160Comments

  2. 2.

    Corner Stone

    The Bills are unto slugs under the mighty Brady cleat

    And they shall whither before Him as He sprinkles His salts pulled from His mighty crotch pouch.

  3. 3.

    FlyingToaster

    Silly Betty. Your attempts to cast a spell on TB12 and the Pats will fail. Again.

    Hahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahaha!

  4. 4.

    Mnemosyne (iPhone)

    We’re going to be having takeout turkey dinner on Thanksgiving because it seems silly to make my sister-in-law cook a turkey from scratch for four adults and a 17-year-old.

    Plus she’s not a very good cook (she’s the one who made pressed boiled turkey loaf and Potato Buds one year) so it’s not like we’re really missing out on some home cookin’.

  7. 7.

    piratedan7

    I really don’t understand how these guys are called geniuses when the vast majority of them win with a system when they find a bunch of pieces that fit just right… you want a guy who can coach, take Joe Gibbs, he did it with three different styles of offense, ball control with Joe Thiesman and power running, then an Don Coryell style passing attack with various styles of wideouts found by Dog Williams and then bombs away with Mark Rypien and the deep passing attack and a stalwart Defense. everybody else, it’s almost always a superior QB tied to a system and keeping key role players for a multi-year run.

  10. 10.

    Corner Stone

    “And the home of the..brrraaaaavvvveee….UUURRKK!!”
    {As she has a spear point from one of the flags behind her jabbed through her back, piercing her heart.}
    CROWD: “U>S>A!! U>S>A!! U>S>A!!”

  19. 19.

    Feudalism Now!

    Those Dolphins were amazing yesterday…
    The Bills could beat the Pats. I predict they will choose to beat themselves again.

  21. 21.

    Ripley

    I don’t know why they’re even playing the game, it’s such a foregone concussion.

    Adjusted for accuracy.

  25. 25.

    Betty Cracker

    All of y’all who hate on Chucky as an announcer are so full of shit. He’s awesome. Instead of blathering on about bullshit human interest garbage, he’s seeing the patterns and anticipating the plays.

  28. 28.

    goblue72

    Beginning to see the effects of the loss of Edelman and Lewis, along with the decimated OL. Both guys crucial tools in the Pats ability to convert 3rd down.

  29. 29.

    Germy

    George Lopez on PBS for Eddie Murphy’s Mark Twain Prize ceremony:

    “All of Donald Trump’s wives were immigrants from other countries. It proves that immigrants are doing jobs that American women don’t want to do.”

  31. 31.

    Betty Cracker

    @Corner Stone: He’s definitely got his annoying quirks — they all do. But I think the substance to bullshit ratio is pretty damn good with Chucky compared with most of the nitwits who call the games. But he gets so much hate!

  33. 33.

    max

    @piratedan7: everybody else, it’s almost always a superior QB tied to a system and keeping key role players for a multi-year run.

    That’s the genius part: keeping the differing multi-year role players around given parity.

    max
    [‘The rest… enh.’]

  35. 35.

    Lord Baldrick

    @Betty Cracker: Looooove Chucky. Not only a good analyst, but always brings back pleasant memories of the game that started all the fun.

    Walt Coleman > Ben Dreith

  39. 39.

    Corner Stone

    Man, all the teams have injuries at this point in the season but the Pats seem to keep getting bit.

  40. 40.

    p.a.

    @piratedan7: Gibbs really is kind of a forgotten man. 4 SB’s, 3 wins, 3 different QB’s. His 2nd round as coach was poor, that may be why. And a success at NASCAR.

    And will somebody give some lurv to Terry Bradshaw? I don’t care how much talent those Steelers had, you don’t go 4-0 in Superbowls by accident. And 2 of the wins vs. excellent Cowboys teams. Probably the most talent-filled SB contests ever.

  43. 43.

    NotMax

    @Corner Stone

    It gets worse.

    Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson is to star in, as well as write and direct a new remake of the 1974 science fiction film Zardoz.
    [snip]
    I’m playing Zed and I want to keep it very close to the original concept, especially the costumes. The body hair will be a challenge. Connery was one of the most hirsute actors of the seventies, and, as we all know, the seventies were the hay day [sic] of hairiness.
    [snip]
    Journey 4: From the Earth to Zardoz will be released in 2016. Source

  44. 44.

    Corner Stone

    @Steeplejack (phone):

    And the lead has less charisma than Deeks on NCIS: LA.

    Dammit! Do not even go there with me! I stopped watching NCIS: LA when that tool was written to be romantic with Agent Blye. Bull to the Fucking Shit!
    Although, is it irony that she married Deeks’ stunt double? Hmmm…

  45. 45.

    Betty Cracker

    @efgoldman: Are we listening to the same game? Chucky has had an occasional compliment for Taylor, but he’s been more critical than laudatory. The lion’s share of the knob-slobbering goes to Brady (and not without justification…).

  48. 48.

    Goblue72

    @redshirt: It’s not just a matter of Team X losing Awesome Player Y, so of course they won’t be as good, yadda yadda.

    It’s a matter of both of them playing the same crucial role – 3rd down conversion. Lewis was basically the old Kevin Faulk role – 3rd down conversion receiving back. Likewise, Edelman in the slot, and at Z, was critical for 3rd down packages.

    We could survive the loss of one. Not both. Before they went out, we were near tops in league at 3rd down conversion efficiency. It’s why we scored on so many possessions.

    In Giants game, our efficiency dropped a LOT. We’re seeing it again tonite.

    Somebody gonna need to step up. Lafell is a wideout at X, so answer isn’t there. Amending really needs to earn his money now.

  49. 49.

    p.a.

    @different-church-lady: Pats activated a receiver from the practice squad this week.

    Revis hasn’t looked great this year, but the Kraft’s ‘budget priorities’ may cost them this year. db’s after Butler average at best. (Oh and Browner, along with the rest of Saint’s D, has been awful.)

  61. 61.

    Betty Cracker

    See? It’s all over. Told y’all. Might as well stream Jessica Jones or something. This game is in the bag!

  65. 65.

    different-church-lady

    @p.a.: It was cold in Boston this morning. One of my tires was a little flat. I’m having Ted Wells look into it.

  68. 68.

    p.a.

    @Betty Cracker: Hey Betty I was at the Jacksonville and Miami games up here. Good thing you’re more of a college fan ;-) (To even things out I was also at the ‘Ronnie Brown runs wild at the Razor’ Wildcat game. Talk about a shocked crowd.)

  72. 72.

    different-church-lady

    @redshirt: Since FYWP has decided I will not be allowed to link tonight, Google up “Illegal sideline exhalation” for a laugh.

  74. 74.

    redshirt

    @different-church-lady: I learned tonight you cannot just use links anymore. If you want to use a link:
    1. Copy your link location
    2. Type a keyword or phrase in your BJ response than highlight that text.
    3. Click the “Link” button and paste your copied link location

    Done.

  81. 81.

    different-church-lady

    So here’s a fun fact: the Jets came in to Foxborough sporting a 4-1 record. After losing to the Pats, they went 1-3.

    Bill Belichick, destroyer of minds.

  87. 87.

    Lord Baldrick

    Well, that was blatant cheating by Rex Ryan. Got away with it, too.

    Guessing that Goodell44 won’t force a four-game suspension for Rexall.

  90. 90.

    FlyingToaster

    Wow. It’s actually getting interesting.

    (Mostly not watching due to headcold, but the Bills didn’t miss the extra point!)

  94. 94.

    p.a.

    I’m listening on radio. If Brady has the yips from the rush Bills can win as long as no turnovers. Gronk 1 catch so far.

  95. 95.

    Goblue72

    @p.a.: Can’t win if you can’t convert third down. Loss of Lewis and Edelman hurts. We have no real power running game.

  104. 104.

    ? Martin

    Man, what a shitshow this game is.

    Tom and Gronk better practice some long plays, because they might be the only two guys left by the end of the season.

  108. 108.

    p.a.

    @redshirt: double team, hi/low, which means other guys open but the rush isn’t giving Brady consistent time to hit them. Whoever they are at this point in time; LaFell the only 1st stringer left. (Actually getting pressure using only 4 means everybody has a defender on them- in theory.)

    Cannon at left tackle will get Brady killed.

  113. 113.

    John Revolta

    @efgoldman: “[[Chandler Jones] is probably headed to the pro bowl for sure.”

    He’s going for the Yogi Berra effect, but sometimes it doesn’t always work.

  114. 114.

    p.a.

    @efgoldman: NFL network Thursday, wonder if the NFL cares that much about audience share; no network paying for the rights (unsourced assumption), who needs good teams? The hardcore and fantasy leaguers will watch. Ad revenue won’t be great, but (another assumption) it’s cost-plus. Is production by the NFL, or does a network provide the hardware?

  116. 116.

    max

    @efgoldman: Who runs a sweep on third and a foot?

    Third and six inches. They should have done a short out pass.

    max
    [‘Since I assume they didn’t want to go up the middle.’]

  123. 123.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @? Martin: Sure. But star fortresses also were quite effective in their time. Fixed positions became truly obsolete with the advent of motorized forces. The increase in speed changed everything.

  125. 125.

    max

    @efgoldman: Brady would have run a sneak, and made it.

    Likely. Out pass to the weak side would have been good for quite a few yards, I think. Pats are not super-vulnerable to that kind of thing, but more so than whatever the hell that was.

    max
    [‘Sheesh. I feel sorry for the Bills guy.’]

  126. 126.

    max

    @? Martin: Marcus Cannon proves Patton’s adage that fixed fortifications are a monument to the stupidity of man.

    Patton’s adage cost his 20k in pointless casualties attacking Verdun.

    max
    [‘He didn’t take it.’]

  130. 130.

    max

    Well, I think we can say that Rex is maybe not so good with the offensive play-calling.

    max
    [‘Not that he ever was.’]

  140. 140.

    p.a.

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Bad officiating all night.

    NFL becoming near unwatchable. Despite all the rules to help the offense most games are ugly. And I don’t like those pseudo-flag football games like Giants/Saints.

    Now get off my lawn.

  143. 143.

    p.a.

    @Omnes Omnibus: shit. I live in a city. They have more important things to do.

    I had 2 show up last year about a 911 call; woman getting hit. Call from a cell phone, my address was the best guess the computer spit out. They didn’t seem concerned enough to drive the neighborhood that I could see once they checked me out.

  154. 154.

    goblue72

    @efgoldman: Yeah, but we had two OL players back. Seabass missed last week with a concussion and was back tonight. Cannon hasn’t played since week 6 I think. Vollmer is one of the best right tackles in the NFL. Cannon is not nearly the player Nate Solder is at LT (losing Solder earlier this season really hurts), but he’s a solidly average tackle.

    With those two returning, we should have a good enough OL. Just hoping its some yips to iron out due to them being out (esp. Cannon).

  158. 158.

    mak

    And Brady? How can words on a blog even begin to approach the task of describing his magnificence? The Bills are unto slugs under the mighty Brady cleat, and they should just do the right thing and decline to come out of the tunnel, ceding the contest to a clearly superior foe.

    I know, right? (bostonian here)

  160. 160.

    JimV

    Great post. It would have made me laugh out loud on a slow Tuesday morning if I had a bit more spirit. As it is, I laughed on the inside. Thank you, keep up the good work. That is all.

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