Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

This blog will pay for itself.

I didn’t have alien invasion on my 2023 BINGO card.

The party of Reagan has become the party of Putin.

The revolution will be supervised.

… pundit janitors mopping up after the GOP

You can’t attract Republican voters. You can only out organize them.

Some judge needs to shut this circus down soon.

New McCarthy, same old McCarthyism.

Their freedom requires your slavery.

Come on, man.

Not so fun when the rabbit gets the gun, is it?

“Jesus paying for the sins of everyone is an insult to those who paid for their own sins.”

The worst democrat is better than the best republican.

“woke” is the new caravan.

Let me eat cake. The rest of you could stand to lose some weight, frankly.

This has so much WTF written all over it that it is hard to comprehend.

Thanks to your bullshit, we are now under siege.

Nothing worth doing is easy.

Reality always lies in wait for … Democrats.

Do not shrug your shoulders and accept the normalization of untruths.

The truth is, these are not very bright guys, and things got out of hand.

They are lying in pursuit of an agenda.

Give the craziest people you know everything they want and hope they don’t ask for more? Great plan.

Authoritarian republicans are opposed to freedom for the rest of us.

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Reader Interactions

36Comments

  2. 2.

    NotMax

    Hayes in full-on stern-faced, selectively earnest, beat the viewers over the head with the message mode is hardly ever worth the time.

  4. 4.

    khead

    No TV in the bedroom where I’m am laying with our latest addition – a six month old male cat we trapped from outside. Thanks to the folks who suggested the Havahart traps a while back.

  9. 9.

    max

    At 9 o’clock

    I have to go grind meat for an Xmas party. (No. Not that kind of meat. No, damn it, not that kind of meat either. Stop it! or no ice cream for you lot.) So, shit, I could actually turn the TV on and watch… cable TV news.

    max
    [‘If my brain is destroyed by ten o’clock, please kill me and bury me at a crossroads. With a nice, juicy rare t-bone.’]

  10. 10.

    Mike in NC

    If only MSNBC could combine their prison porn with Joe Scarborough. As in him being worked over by a few burly inmates in the shower room.

  12. 12.

    BillinGlendaleCA

    @srv:

    Phyllis Schlafly (really! don’t you people miss her?)

    That old bat hasn’t kicked the bucket yet?

  13. 13.

    khead

    @schrodinger’s cat:

    Will link some in later this weekend because, uh, there are more coming (cats and pics). Gonna trap Coal’s two siblings too but we can’t keep them. So I need to find them homes.

  18. 18.

    BillinGlendaleCA

    @srv:

    She looks great

    Proof that ‘only the good die young’; probably the young virgin’s blood she drinks each and every morning.

  20. 20.

    schrodinger's cat

    Priyanka Chopra and Ranveer Singh in Albela Sajan, the upcoming Bajirao Mastani.

    Bajirao gets a hero’s welcome when he comes home after a hard fought battle ! Love PC’s lovely Marathi nine yard saree (the modern version of the saree is 6 yards) and her traditional jewelry.

  24. 24.

    mclaren

    MSNBC special: prediction — pure copaganda.

    [hand-wringing reporter earnestly eyes the camera] “Oh! Oh! The tragedy! The humanity! If only there were something we could do!”

    [black protester] “Stop killing us for no reason!”

    [clip of police officer] “It’s dangerous out there. Policing is a dangerous job. Danger. Danger danger danger! Killers! Rapists! Madmen in the streets! Cats and dogs, living together! DANGER DANGER DANGER!”

    [clip of sociologist in a university office] “Statistics show that crime has plummeted over the lsat 20 years. Violent crime is now at a record low.”

    [clip of police officer] “Death! Mayhem! Drive-by shootings! Mad chainsaw killers in the street! DANGER DANGER DANGER!”

    [black protester] “80% of the people who use drugs are white, and 80% of the drug convictions are for black people.”

    [clip of police officer] “Serial killers! Torture-murderers! Crazed gunmen! DANGER DANGER DANGER!”

    [hand-wringing reporter] “Oh, oh, if only there were something we could do. But the problems are complex, and the solutions difficult, and no one really knows how to solve these intractable problems woven deep into the fabric of America’s society. And this was another kneejerk whitewash special report designed to convince the public that someone actually gives a shit about the bottom 80% of society, so have a good night and a happy holiday!”

  25. 25.

    mainmata

    @srv: That old witch is still around? She must be over 100. Re: Cruz. No one that has been hated by everyone that has ever known him since grade school will ever be VP or in the SCOTUS. He’s only in the Senate because TX reliably has coughed up the worst GOP pols in the last 25 years.

  28. 28.

    mclaren

    PLAIN ENGLISH TRANSLATION OF ROBERT GATES’ OP-ED

    Many Americans are mad as hell at our political leaders — both Republican and Democrat — and are giving voice to their anger through the likes of Donald Trump and Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-Vt.).>

    TRANSLATION: Crazed white supremists are raging at our black president and at anyone with the wrong skin color (like Moslems), but I’m going to pretend “both sides do it” because otherwise our grotesquely dysfunctional press won’t print my bullshit.

    The anger is understandable. The federal government is paralyzed, unable to tackle any of the major problems facing our country or even accomplish basic functions such as enacting annual budgets for federal departments and agencies. The anger derives equally from governmental ineptitude, arrogance and corruption, and self-serving politicians more concerned with getting reelected than with the nation’s future.

    TRANSLATION: I like this kind of anger. My party, the Republican party, has worked hard to wreck the American government, and now we’re getting our payoff in the form of lunatic white gunmen and stormfront racists supporting us.

    The next president will face major domestic problems, as well as the challenges posed by Iran, Russia, China, North Korea, terrorism and a Middle East in turmoil. What kind of qualities should we be looking for in a new chief executive? Based on my experience working for eight presidents, of both political parties, here is my take:

    TRANSLATION: The next president faces no real problems except problems created by the Republican party. But I don’t want to say that, because it would make me look like the hopeless decerebrated fuckwit I am.

    ●We need a president who understands the system of government bequeathed to us by the Founders — and grasps the reality that with power divided among three branches of government, building coalitions and making compromises are the only ways anything lasting can get done. Primal screaming may be good therapy, but it is a poor substitute for practical politics.

    TRANSLATION: Barack Obama made the Republicans look like sick pathetic mongoloid infants because he refused to give in to our blackmail and tantrum tactics. Republicans tried to shut down the government, and Barack made us look like total assholes. This pisses me off, so I’m going to try to convince the next president — probably a Democrat — that he should cave in and grovel before the squalid Republican bullying tactics that have become our party’s hallmark.

    Arch-conservatives may want little government and arch-liberals may want a lot, but many functions of government are critical to our well-being, and they can be carried out effectively only if Congress and the president work together. Those who believe that compromise is synonymous with selling out or giving up one’s principles need to retake eighth-grade American history. The next president needs to have a core philosophy and set of principles, but he or she also needs to be a pragmatic and skilled political leader — like Franklin D. Roosevelt and Ronald Reagan.

    As a former defense secretary, I want M*O*N*E*Y. Gimme the M*O*N*E*Y! Hard cash and lots of it! Trillions for shitty weapon systems that don’t work! Trillions for endless unwinnable wars! Fuck the poor, the hell with starving children and the working class, I WANT M*O*N*E*Y!!! So I’m going to conflate FDR, who saved democracy, and the senile sociopath Ronald Reagan, who trashed the U.S. government and set us on a path of unsustainable crazy military spending that’s destroying America today.

    ●Our next leader needs to speak truthfully to the American people. “Spinning” has been a part of the political process since ancient Greece, but as mistrustful as most Americans are today of political leaders, the new president must speak candidly and honestly to the people. One reason so many Americans like Trump and Sanders, just as so many liked Ross Perot in 1992, is that both candidates are seen as telling it like it is. People love brutal candor, but that candor is too often detached from reality and responsibility; too many candidates demagogically use divisive rhetoric and make grandiose promises that would be impossible to fulfill.

    TRANSLATION: Please don’t tell anyone that the Global War on Terror is a scam to loot trillions from the government coffers and piss the money away on incompetent intelligence analysts who couldn’t find their asses in a hall of mirrors, inept careerist military officers who care about nothing but getting their promotion ticket punched and retiring with a cushy military penson so they can go to work for defense contractors who build weapons that don’t work, and CIA assassination squads and drone fleets that do nothing but murder weddings parties and innocent women and children. Please don’t tell anyone these tihngs. Please, please, pretty please. I’m begging you. We need candor, but not that kind of candor.

    Their rhetoric appeals because so many established politicians are viewed as speaking in platitudes and euphemisms, if not being deceptive or even lying. Yet too many candidates are being just as deceptive and dishonest. We have a lot of problems, and the next president has to be honest with Americans about their seriousness and complexity — and how to tackle them effectively.

    TRANSLATION: Leave the lying to us in the military. We’re the professionals.

    ●The next president must be resolute. He or she must be very cautious about drawing red lines in foreign policy, but other leaders must know that crossing a red line drawn by the president of the United States will have serious — even fatal — consequences. The public, members of Congress and foreign leaders alike must know that the president’s word is his or her bond, and that promises and commitments will be kept and threats will be carried out. The next president must hold people in government accountable; when programs or initiatives are bungled, senior leaders should be fired. He or she needs to have the courage to act in defiance of public opinion and polls when the national interest requires it.

    TRANSLATION: Kill! Kill! Kill! Invade Iran! Bomb Syria! Blow up Iceland! Send fleets of bombers to Tierra del Fuego! Land troops in Tripoli and send rifle squads to Paris! We’ve got trillions of dollars in non-working weapons and far too many incompetent careerist offers crowding the Pentagon, and dammit, we need to use them or lose them!

    ●Our new leader must be a problem-solver. Recently, we have elected presidents with a conservative agenda or a liberal agenda. This election, how about we look for one whose agenda is just making things work? I realize this is a tall order at a time when most of the candidates are highly ideological, on both the left and the right. But the paralysis within Congress and between Congress and the White House under the past two presidents has been harming the country and putting our future at risk. No wonder so many Americans are pessimistic about the direction of the country. We desperately need a president who will strive tirelessly to identify and work with members of both parties in Congress interested in finding practical solutions to our manifold problems. We need a president who understands that those problems are so complex and so big that overcoming them will require bipartisan support through multiple Congresses and presidencies.

    TRANSLATION: We need a president who will make the trains run on time.

    ●We need a president who is restrained. Restrained to respect the prerogatives of the other branches of government. Restrained in rhetoric, avoiding unrealistic promises, exaggerated claims of success and dire consequences if his or her initiatives are not adopted exactly as proposed. Restrained in expanding government when so much of what we have works so poorly. Restrained from foreign adventures and from using military force as a first option rather than a last resort. Restrained from questioning the motives of those who disagree and treating them as enemies with no redeeming qualities.

    That Dubya asshole fucked everything up. We in the military had a sweet thing going. We had our snouts in the trough, and motherfucker, it was SUH-WEET! A trillion dollars a year, and no accountability! Yeeeeeeeeeee-ha! Can you say “Hawaiian vacation for two”? Goddamn! And then he screwed it all up with that crazy Iraq invasion and that torture shit and the WMD bullshit. Goddammit, why couldn’t Dubya just have kept the pot boiling, a little pointless war here, a small endless unwinnable police action there, and we’d all have been rolling in dough and happy as pigs in shit. But no, we had to overreach, and now everyone in America is wary of invading other countries. So how in the fuck am I going to afford a new pool and sunroof for my Georgtown mansion? I ask you, how???

    Finally, the most important quality for our next leader at this juncture in our history: The new president must be a true unifier of Americans. The nation is divided over how to deal with challenges such as immigration, the quality of public education, economic inequality, our role abroad and more. Too many presidential candidates of all stripes are working overtime to deepen our divisions, to turn us against one another, to play to our fears. They are prepared to place all that holds us together as one people, as Americans, at risk for their own ambitions. The next president must lead in restoring civility to our political process. We must hope that the president we elect next year will again and again remind all Americans of our common destiny, and that our fate as a nation and as a people is bound up with one another. Our new leader should appeal, in President Abraham Lincoln’s words, to “the better angels of our nature.”

    TRANSLATION: For the next president, we in the military-industrial complex have got a message for you… [pulls down his zipper] Suck. On. This. Suck real hard, and maybe we’ll support you and you too can retire with that sweet sweet Georgtown mansion and a vacation home in Gstaad, Switzerland. Because in America in 2015, the military-industrial complex runs things, and the president is just some asshole who lives here. So when we stay “you must be a uniter,” that really means “SUCK THIS HARD, MOTHERFUCKER, BECAUSE WE OWN YOU!”

  29. 29.

    Debbie

    After finding that Ohio Planned Parenthood centers in fact did not sell fetal tissue, the Ohio Attorney General has announced that they instead cook (his word) the fetuses before sending them to the landfill. Insanity.

  31. 31.

    max

    @mclaren: And this was another kneejerk whitewash special report designed to convince the public that someone actually gives a shit about the bottom 80% of society, so have a good night and a happy holiday!”

    It wasn’t bad at all. Hayes spent very little time talking to white people.

    max
    [‘I turned off the prison porn.’]

  35. 35.

    J R in WV

    @Debbie:

    All medical waste is incinerated, to eliminate the possibility of transmission of disease.

    Could a human being be more despicable than this example? no. can not.

  36. 36.

    parsimon

    @max:

    Hi Max. As a Baltimorean, I can say that actually the Chris Hayes special report was terrible, filled with dramatic stances on Hayes’ part, and Hayes saying repeatedly to interviewees “Uh-huh, uh-huh”, and just a lot of dramatization, along with clips of MSM network reporting on the unrest .. It did not serve the city particularly well. It was the television version of click-bait.

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