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You are here: Home / Politics / Domestic Politics / All Apologies (Open Thread)

All Apologies (Open Thread)

by Betty Cracker|  December 20, 201511:43 am| 61 Comments

This post is in: Domestic Politics, Open Threads, Assholes, General Stupidity

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First, an apology for yesterday’s broadside against holiday letters. By way of explanation rather than excuse-making, I’ll note I’ve been in a foul mood lately due to recent bad news about the health of a loved one. And it turns out that, for me at least, that is exactly the wrong frame of mind in which to receive a packet of seasonal missives.

I don’t apologize for the exasperation the contents of my particular mailbox incited in me. But several of you understandably took the rant it inspired as either an attack on your own holiday letter tradition or general contempt for people who reach out with that type of letter or enjoy receiving them. And I feel bad about that.

Since the only truly worthwhile thing in life, in my view, is the connections we make with other people, I suppose we ought not be contemptuous of attempts people make to reach out, even if they do come in a form that makes it seem as if the writer’s chief object is to showcase their latest material acquisitions or broadcast evidence of their children’s brilliance.

Or, failing that, we should perhaps keep our contempt to ourselves. I’ll try harder to do that in the future. And that’s all I have to say about that.

Second, I missed the Democratic debate last night, but I gather from the coverage I’ve read that it was disappointingly short on fireworks from the media’s perspective? Is it worth digging up online to watch it now?

Open thread!

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Reader Interactions

61Comments

  1. 1.

    Emma

    December 20, 2015 at 11:50 am

    It happens. Some days, the bad overwhelms the good and you lose it. I certainly do. Moving right along…

  2. 2.

    WaterGirl

    December 20, 2015 at 11:55 am

    Betty, I saw this thread first and had to go back and find the cranky one you apologized for. It was well written and fun, as always, and I’ll just say that if we can’t vent here on BJ, where can we vent?

    I feel your pain on the health news. A good friend goes in for surgery on tuesday, and I just learned that it’s a complex surgery and 3 out of 10 people don’t make it through the surgery, so I am feeling overwhelmed myself.

    I don’t think I’m cranky, but I have been hiding out. I have played the “smash the ornaments” game on the jacquie lawson advent calendar about a million times in the past 2 weeks. And I don’t normally play a lot of games.

  3. 3.

    Felonius Monk

    December 20, 2015 at 11:56 am

    I actually enjoyed yesterday’s broadside and I quite agree with you. Although, to be fair I have read a few that were really good. OTOH, I find the whole idea of sending Holiday cards rather distasteful -– a waste of money and paper. But let’s not get started on that.

    As to the debate, I think it is summed up in this play on an old rhyme:

    Here I sit, all broken-hearted. I paid my nickel, they only farted.

  4. 4.

    henqiguai

    December 20, 2015 at 11:56 am

    If your fairly mild and, for this joint, in character rant was offensive to some people (yeah, I read the thread), scraw’um. Instigated some entertaining conversation. And honestly, isn’t that why most of us hang out at Cole’s jont? ‘Specially on a weekend.

    And from what I read, the Bernie v. Hilz debate was middlin’ on substance, short on histrionics. So, nothing really new, read some summaries, and move along. But that’s me and my jaundiced world view.

  5. 5.

    Karmus

    December 20, 2015 at 11:56 am

    Even if it was a misfire, it is at least delicious in that you feel you erred in your writing about the errors of the ways of others’ writing. What can I say? Even when you’re bad, you’re good.

  6. 6.

    John Cole

    December 20, 2015 at 12:02 pm

    Wait- we have to apologize for ill-tempered rants now?

    Fuck me.

  7. 7.

    Baud

    December 20, 2015 at 12:04 pm

    Regarding the debate, I think I have a real shot at passing O’Malley in the polls now. Otherwise, I don’t recall anything you probably weren’t already aware of.

  8. 8.

    Persia

    December 20, 2015 at 12:08 pm

    You’re cool, John, you’re a white dude. It’s only when us ladies or scary non-whites start bitching that the shit starts flying.

  9. 9.

    WaterGirl

    December 20, 2015 at 12:08 pm

    @John Cole: @Baud: You guys both made me laugh!

  10. 10.

    Eric NNY

    December 20, 2015 at 12:09 pm

    @John Cole: yeah, you’re screwed Cole.

  11. 11.

    dedc79

    December 20, 2015 at 12:09 pm

    Don’t apologize. You were right. There’s nothing wrong with sending a holiday card that is actually intended to express love/comfort/appreciation/best wishes to a friend or family member. There is something wrong with holiday cards that that are sent with no actual purpose other than to show off one’s own family/happiness/wealth/etc…

    I’ve noticed a lot of overlap between the people who send the latter kind of card and the people who use facebook as a means to tell everyone how absolutely amazing they and their family are and how they are the happiest people on earth.

  12. 12.

    neil

    December 20, 2015 at 12:12 pm

    I thought your rant was hilarious.

  13. 13.

    scarshapedstar

    December 20, 2015 at 12:13 pm

    No, those letters really do suck donkey balls. Until they say “Little Pendleton found his first weed hookup just six years into undergraduate studies at West Dakota Paper-Hanging Academy, and Gertrude and I are sleeping in separate beds for the 16th consecutive year” I will continue to regard them as Iraqi Information Minister style missives from pod people who dress like Rick Santorum.

  14. 14.

    Davebo

    December 20, 2015 at 12:13 pm

    Screw the apology! Where are your football predictions?

    My bookie won’t wait forever!

  15. 15.

    bk

    December 20, 2015 at 12:13 pm

    There were three more smart adults on stage last night than there have been at any of the clown shows so far.

  16. 16.

    p.a.

    December 20, 2015 at 12:13 pm

    @John Cole: See what happens when you delegate?

    A 1 post Tag: apology.

  17. 17.

    imonlylurking

    December 20, 2015 at 12:15 pm

    So…..would anybody like me to send them a card? I like sending cards. I don’t expect to receive one in return. My email is my user name at yahoo.com-send me your nym and address and I’ll send you something.

  18. 18.

    Ella in NM

    December 20, 2015 at 12:15 pm

    Don’t apologize. Those “Holiday Brag Letters” are annoying, and all about someone trying to create a narrative about how perfect their family life is. i find them incredibly incongruent with the spirit of Christmas or any other holiday.

    I have NEVER gotten one and said to myself “Oh, how wonderful to hear Bob was promoted to CFO with a sweet 5 figure bonus, and that they went on three family vacations, bought each of their teenagers new cars to celebrate their accomplishments, and still found time to supervise the renovation their $500K country house so that more accurately reflects their personal style, making it a much deserved retreat from the busy pace of life in the city.” Never. Not once.

    (And I did get that letter a few years back)

  19. 19.

    Davebo

    December 20, 2015 at 12:16 pm

    @Baud: No chance.

    I’m making a $250,000 ad buy in Iowa with an attack ad that will totally sink you. It’s not my fault you hate corn.

    OK, perhaps you don’t hate corn, but Iowa will think you do.

  20. 20.

    Gindy51

    December 20, 2015 at 12:20 pm

    I thought you were dead nuts on. Why should I care what someone and their family have done all year. If they really gave a shit when it happened, they’d tell every one then, not 1 to 11 months later.
    Those letters are just recycled and not read in our house. We keep the cards to mark off who gets one from us the following year. No card this year, none for you from us next year

  21. 21.

    Baud

    December 20, 2015 at 12:21 pm

    @Davebo:

    Why don’t you just give me $200,000 and I’ll skip Iowa? Win-win.

  22. 22.

    Felonius Monk

    December 20, 2015 at 12:22 pm

    @Davebo: Baud is Corny. He doesn’t hate corn, Republicans hate corn.

  23. 23.

    p.a.

    December 20, 2015 at 12:23 pm

    Second, I missed the Democratic debate last night, but I gather from the coverage I’ve read that it was disappointingly short on fireworks from the media’s perspective?

    Much as I like Boinie, this race is Secretariat at the Belmont or Larry Bird at the 3 point shoot-out;

    “Which one of you guys is going to finish second?”

    Press fixers can’t do policy, so they’re bored.

  24. 24.

    deannemarie

    December 20, 2015 at 12:23 pm

    Holidays on Ice by David Sedaris ..”Season’s Greetings to Our Friends and Family!!!”…perfect!

  25. 25.

    Prescott Cactus

    December 20, 2015 at 12:25 pm

    @Betty Cracker: First, an apology

    I’m sorry to hear about an illness in your family.

    No apology necessary ! Self absorbed folks spouting their children’s accomplishments and fabulous trips taken. Bride gets a 3 pager every year, which fortunately is an optional read for me. How come they never mention rehab visits and arrests? Sunny side of life my ass !

  26. 26.

    gogol's wife

    December 20, 2015 at 12:25 pm

    You should not feel bad. I see complaints about holiday letters all over the place, including in the New York Times yesterday. You’re entitled to express your feelings. No one is obligated to read your posts. I happen to like the one holiday letter I get, but I fully understand that they might be annoying, especially if they convey wingnut sentiments at this sacred time of year.

  27. 27.

    Eric U.

    December 20, 2015 at 12:27 pm

    @p.a.: everyone hates republican policies, so policy debates have a pro-Democratic bias

    I have a friend that always sends a letter. I barely read it, but he always invites me to go out to Alaska. I should do that

  28. 28.

    TaMara (BHF)

    December 20, 2015 at 12:27 pm

    Rant? Bad day? If anyone can understand that, I think most of us here can. Besides it was a funny rant. I don’t see a need to apologize. I know those letters can really rub some the wrong way. Me, I love them.

    But please, please, don’t bring me a plate of holiday cookies, especially if this was the year you decided to experiment with weird ingredients or felt the need to dip pretzels in various concoctions.

  29. 29.

    ruemara

    December 20, 2015 at 12:28 pm

    Don’t feel bad. I doubt people took it quite seriously and besides, it was a vent. What happens in vent forum, stays in vent forum.

  30. 30.

    Joyce H

    December 20, 2015 at 12:29 pm

    My folks used to get a lot of these newsletter cards when I was a kid. If folks want to send them, feel free, but bear in mind that some folks will save them in a pile for a hilarious dramatic readings session.

  31. 31.

    TaMara (BHF)

    December 20, 2015 at 12:30 pm

    @John Cole: If I ever pop over here and you’ve suddenly apologized for a rant, I will think I fell into an alternate universe and am doomed.

    So, please don’t. KTHNX

  32. 32.

    Amir Khalid

    December 20, 2015 at 12:30 pm

    It seems the media, already disappointed that the Democratic party’s debates up to now have shown nothing but grownups debating policy, wanted Bernie and Hillary to start calling each other names. They are sore that Bernie ended Datagateghazi (lovely name, by the way; who coined it?) as a campaign issue with an apology to Hillary and a handshake. Behaving like grownups is bad for ratings; just ask anyone who watches “reality” TV.

  33. 33.

    TaMara (BHF)

    December 20, 2015 at 12:31 pm

    @TaMara (BHF): Or made “real” fruitcake and I must try it because yours is an old family recipe and EVERYONE raves about it. Have. You. Met. Me? [[[shudders]]]

  34. 34.

    Amir Khalid

    December 20, 2015 at 12:33 pm

    Oh, we mustn’t forget the obvious song.

  35. 35.

    Stacy

    December 20, 2015 at 12:38 pm

    Totally agree about the humble brag Christmas cards. I got one this year with printing so small it was unreadable to both my 40+ year-old eyes and my teenager’s eyes. I guess the sender truly wrote it for herself. I think the cards are a case of people wanting others to like them.

  36. 36.

    J R in WV

    December 20, 2015 at 12:38 pm

    I’m with John, we’re fucked if we can’t rant outrageously!

    I’m shocked, shocked I tell you, that regulars at Balloon-Juice reacted negatively to your post about “Holiday Letters” yesterday!!

    So far we’ve gotten two. We don’t send Xmas cards, we rely on the telephone system to stay in touch with folks we want to be in touch with. One letter was – odd. Trying to be upbeat in a country (ours) which is being rebuilt from the foundations up to be downbeat for 95% of the people.

    The other was an email from a cousin with slightly bad news about a different cousin, and that’s OK – we care about most relatives.

    And on a different thread – “Hillary – Did She go to Far?” Oh my pasta goddess help us, after the vile things Trump has said about everyone who isn’t a Republican white male?? Too far??? NO, not far enough.

    Concentration Camps, Trump wants Concentration Camps… And Trump intends to commit war crimes like retribution against innocent people for crimes other people may have committed – we don’t really know because there won’t be any trials or evidence shown publicly, but we’re going to kill families of suspects. Is it just me, or is this pretty much lust like cops shooting random black folks in the back – 16 times?

    Using the Air Force and Navy to kill lots of people faster without trials here. You Go Trump – Away from here!! And letting little kids starve, Trump also wants this. No refugees in America, no sir, not with Trump in charge.

    But Hillary MAY have gone too far! No, just nope.

    Trump wants us all to be war criminals, while Hillary wants to feed the hungry. And CNN calls Hillary out as going too far. I know who’s evil in this calculation, and it ISN’T Hillary Clinton.

  37. 37.

    p.a.

    December 20, 2015 at 12:39 pm

    @TaMara (BHF): Apparently fruitcake takes some effort to make; as my extended family has aged it’s the one pastry that has (thankfully) gone by the wayside.

    Go short on the jellied fruit industry.

  38. 38.

    dlm

    December 20, 2015 at 12:56 pm

    I liked your rant and agreed with you. I was surprised at the strong reactions you received. To each their own.

  39. 39.

    patrick II

    December 20, 2015 at 12:58 pm

    Betty, I am very sorry to hear about your sick relative. That sort of news can really break your heart. As for your rant, I disagreed, but you write so much damn good stuff here its like criticising that little mole on Cindy Crawford’s upper lip – – a minor flaw on a great work of nature.

  40. 40.

    MattF

    December 20, 2015 at 12:59 pm

    Um…

    Or, failing that, we should perhaps keep our contempt to ourselves. I’ll try harder to do that in the future.

    No. Do not do that.

  41. 41.

    Ruckus

    December 20, 2015 at 1:02 pm

    @John Cole:
    We have a winner.

  42. 42.

    Heliopause

    December 20, 2015 at 1:03 pm

    Is it worth digging up online to watch it now?

    I watched the first half hour just to see how they dealt with Dataghazi. Looks like they’ve decided to play nice.

    Biggest takeaway from part I saw: Somebody contact Martin O’Malley’s mother and find out if she likes him, because nobody else does.

    Biggest takeaway from part I missed: Girls take way too long to pee.

  43. 43.

    Heliopause

    December 20, 2015 at 1:08 pm

    For some bizarre reason my local Seattle affiliate is showing me Titans vs. Pats. With all due respect to the Pats fans here, nobody outside the actual city limits of Boston gives a damn about this “game”. This is like showing Southeast Missouri State vs. Alabama instead of, well, virtually anything else.

  44. 44.

    Ruckus

    December 20, 2015 at 1:11 pm

    @dedc79:
    I have a friend on FB who regales us daily and sometime several times daily with his great life. But there is a catch. And it’s a big, round firm catch.
    This friend and family started with nothing. No trust fund, not even a used soda can fund. They came to this country when he was very young. He’s figured out how to be a great and cheerful person, not because he’s doing good financially but because he knows that if he gets knocked down and out again, which has happened 3 times that I know of, that he can start over. He’s truly one of those american success stories, opportunity didn’t really knock, he had to look for it.

  45. 45.

    Ruckus

    December 20, 2015 at 1:14 pm

    @ruemara:
    This right here is why we like you.

    OK not the only reason but still.

  46. 46.

    Suzanne

    December 20, 2015 at 1:20 pm

    @dedc79:

    I’ve noticed a lot of overlap between the people who send the latter kind of card and the people who use facebook as a means to tell everyone how absolutely amazing they and their family are and how they are the happiest people on earth.

    One hundred percent of the time, the people who are really showy about their nonstop, ludicrous happiness and good fortune are lying. They are lying to themselves. It is almost a mathematical law: the happier you say you are, the more full of shit you are. PH = 1/TH = s(100)

    Truly happy people are too busy being happy to rub it in anyone’s faces, and truly happy people aren’t so damn self-absorbed as to only think about themselves.

  47. 47.

    Omnes Omnibus

    December 20, 2015 at 1:30 pm

    Wow, and the Scrooges come out again. The people who send Christmas letters are usually those who don’t do social media or have a lot of friends and relatives who don’t do social media. Get off their fucking backs. Don’t read the letters if you don’t want to. Christ.

  48. 48.

    dr. luba

    December 20, 2015 at 1:36 pm

    OK, I may be an outlier, but I like getting those holiday letters from my friends. But my friends, for the most part, don’t do much of the “humble brag” (with perhaps one or two exceptions). Most are from people who live far from me, and I don’t get to see often. I know what my really close friends are up to, but not necessarily old acquaintances. And, at my age, I hear more about grandkids than kids……

    Which reminds me, it’s time to get to writing mine; update on the nieces and nephew, and travelogue of where I’ve been this year. Nothing glamorous, just fun–a couple of weeks with old friends in the UP and upstate NY, a month in Ukraine (part of it working with orphans), and a road trip from Detroit to California for a wedding. I don’t brag about material stuff, because I don’t care about it much, and it doesn’t really matter in the long run, does it?

  49. 49.

    Svensker

    December 20, 2015 at 1:39 pm

    Sorry for your bad news. Hugs to you.

  50. 50.

    gbear

    December 20, 2015 at 1:43 pm

    My favorite Christmas letter was the one that a christianist coworker left in the recycling box while she was trying to format it to some festive stationary. She managed to bitch about everything but then cover that it was all god’s will (an accident had left her in pain, “but it’s a joyous pain” (verbatim). Her dog had died but god delivered them a new puppy. It was awful/classic. None of us in the office felt guilty about reading it (and laughing behind her back) because she was so judgemental and in your face about her wonderful christian life all year long.

    This is how I feel about Christmas letters in general.

  51. 51.

    TriassicSands

    December 20, 2015 at 2:33 pm

    The nice thing about holiday year-end-summary letters is you can ignore them if you aren’t interested.

  52. 52.

    Persia

    December 20, 2015 at 3:02 pm

    Anyone who doesn’t want pretzels dipped in [whatever] can send them my way, especially if the whatever is chocolate-based.

  53. 53.

    evodevo

    December 20, 2015 at 3:07 pm

    @Prescott Cactus: I always loved this one: http://www.mscottsmith.org/?p=120 …

  54. 54.

    Schlemazel

    December 20, 2015 at 3:23 pm

    Fuck ’em Betty, you were more right than wrong. It amazes me how easily some people here are offended and how quick they are to judge. Even if they disagreed with you the level of vitriol spewed was grater than your complaint.

  55. 55.

    donnah

    December 20, 2015 at 4:08 pm

    Don’t feel the need to apologize, Betty. Your post was dead-on perfect and I could relate 100%. I know that any time we express ourselves openly here that someone will be offended, but if you start holding back on us, I will be very disappointed.

    Merry Christmas and best of luck to your loved one.

  56. 56.

    randy khan

    December 20, 2015 at 4:19 pm

    With great guilt, we moved to doing a holiday letter a while back (I’ve lost track of when it was) after we realized that we could not achieve our dual goals of sending out holiday cards to everyone who we want to have our good wishes and writing personalized notes about what had been going on in our lives to everyone who we thought would want to know. The letter was our compromise. We try hard not to fill it with humble brags (or regular ones), but of course sometimes it’s going to come out that way if you talk about good news.

    I don’t begrudge anyone who wants to mock them, though, as many of them are awful (maybe even ours). I’d just ask people to recognize that sometimes it’s a question of finding a way to keep people up to date without turning the whole holiday card thing into such a time sink that you can’t do it.

  57. 57.

    Rosalita

    December 20, 2015 at 6:08 pm

    Fuck the haters Betty. Some of the responses were indeed more snotty and patronizing what you wrote. Letters that share news are tolerable, the brag-fests are not. The commenter who said that a card wishing you and yours well is more giving than several paragraphs of “me! me! me”!

  58. 58.

    Rosalita

    December 20, 2015 at 6:12 pm

    And seriously, this blog is the Home of the Rant. I have personally proposed to Cole on several occasions when he has put up a doozy. Get over it people..

  59. 59.

    LAC

    December 20, 2015 at 8:09 pm

    Betty, thank you for the apology and I am sorry to hear about your loved one being ill.

  60. 60.

    LAC

    December 20, 2015 at 9:44 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus: this! Some of these folks make you wish there was a krampus.

  61. 61.

    Slaughter

    December 21, 2015 at 12:51 am

    @scarshapedstar: I got to write an honest one two years ago: In 2013, Heath quit school, Janessa went to jail, and Mom and Dad lost their jobs. How was your year?
    The kids loved it, but my wife was horrified. She lost, and we went with it. It was very well-received by friends and family.

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