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You are here: Home / Politics / An Unexamined Scandal / Schvantz Truthers Unite!

Schvantz Truthers Unite!

by Tom Levenson|  March 4, 20168:45 am| 142 Comments

This post is in: An Unexamined Scandal, Election 2016, Hail to the Hairpiece, Blatant Liars and the Lies They Tell, Bring on the Brawndo!, Looks Like I Picked the Wrong Week to Stop Sniffing Glue, Peak Wingnut Was a Lie!

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Not so very long ago I remember this guy, funny hair, blocky, ungainly posture, brash fantasist — a Noo Yawk equivalent of those our Texan friends describe as All Hat; No Cattle — infesting the green rooms and bloviator sets of Fox News, talking about President Obama’s birthplace and demanding the infamous “Long Form Birth Certificate.”

Well, we’ve got a new controversy now, a puzzle inside a riddle wrapped in an enigma:  can the Republican front runner boast masculine sufficiency — or is he a little leaguer, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.*

Given Donald Trump’s distinguished record as a campaigner for truth and unvarnished, unequivocal, impossible-to-falsify empirical evidence on the matter of our current president’s citizenship, there really is only one way forward.

Show us the long form!

Tizian_085

Or rather…please don’t.  Not ever.

Or to put this another way:  perhaps the most remarkable thing about the GOP race this year is the way the Republicans have figured out a new and truly innovative way to kill American jobs.  After last night’s debate, any market for political satirists is dead.  Imagine the writer’s room at The Daily Show right now:  why bother with new copy when you can just revoice that transcript?

This thread?  It despairs of our democracy.  And it is open.

Image: Titian, The Rape of Europa, 1560-1562**

*With absolutely no offense intended to those young ‘uns who actually, you know, swing small bats and run around bases.

**A local favorite — check it out at the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum should you ever happen to have a moment in Our Faire Citie

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Reader Interactions

142Comments

  1. 1.

    WereBear

    March 4, 2016 at 8:48 am

    I have been away from the news on purpose and this happens!

    Dang.

  2. 2.

    Litlebritdifrnt

    March 4, 2016 at 8:50 am

    Perhaps it is just me because I am a woman but I found it rather striking that Megyn Kelly chose to wear a pure white suit last night.

  3. 3.

    BGinCHI

    March 4, 2016 at 8:51 am

    Speaking of penises and other body parts, here is noted art critic E. Buzz Miller on the artist and his work:

    Now, the first one here is called Venus of Urbizo, or; I’m sorry, that’s Urbino, and it was painted in 1538 by a guy in Venice. And this is for real his name is spelled t-i-t-i-a-n. Titian! Honest to god!

    At first I thought this was comedy, but now I’m pretty sure this is a CPAC art history seminar.

  4. 4.

    eric

    March 4, 2016 at 8:55 am

    @WereBear: No, ‘dong.’

  5. 5.

    p.a.

    March 4, 2016 at 8:55 am

    @WereBear: DWang
    Fixt

    crap eric beat me and did it better

  6. 6.

    Poopyman

    March 4, 2016 at 8:56 am

    @Litlebritdifrnt: Proving to Donald that there was no blood coming out of … whatever?

  7. 7.

    Poopyman

    March 4, 2016 at 8:57 am

    @eric: That’s North Korean, you know.

  8. 8.

    p.a.

    March 4, 2016 at 8:58 am

    @Poopyman: I love Firefly/Serenity’s take: ‘nethers’

  9. 9.

    big ol hound

    March 4, 2016 at 8:58 am

    I’m sure the Donald’s ex-wife Ivana would provide some accurate information and clear this up once and for all, but then the internet news would lose their headlines.

  10. 10.

    p.a.

    March 4, 2016 at 9:01 am

    @WereBear: Would have lurved to see Carly’s take on this if she were still on stage. ?

  11. 11.

    Baud

    March 4, 2016 at 9:03 am

    Talk about mansplaining.

  12. 12.

    Snarkworth, short-fingered Bulgarian

    March 4, 2016 at 9:05 am

    /Wang

    Chung

  13. 13.

    Cermet

    March 4, 2016 at 9:06 am

    This latest strike against tRump is gonna hurt and leave marks – worse, if they continue, it will impact tRumps ability to run in the general if he wins the thug primary; that is, while this will not drive away the faithful, the other 50+% of thugs will start to lean away and get discouraged. This is not unlike what the thugs spent years of time and effort in tarnishing Hillary’s name. This time it is their front runner they are tarring. This will have major impact in the general and provide massive sound bites for the demorats – already they are running adds with some of these talking points using MIt’s own image. This is the first I have really felt good about Hillary’s chances even if the thugs finally unite behind the rump and pledge allegiance to their new over-lord for the general.

    This is amazing and the first time thugs have really eaten their own; the fear of the thin mask covering their real racism and support of the wealthy from being torn away and this fear weigh heavy; hence harming the rump and making his run in the general a crash and burn. Love it.

  14. 14.

    rikyrah

    March 4, 2016 at 9:08 am

    I think this is hilarious.

  15. 15.

    Amir Khalid

    March 4, 2016 at 9:10 am

    I don’t know where this “America” place of yours is; but I can assure you all that here on Earth, no one would consider these potty-mouthed children fit to lead a country.

  16. 16.

    Amir Khalid

    March 4, 2016 at 9:11 am

    @Snarkworth, short-fingered Bulgarian:
    Everybody Wang Chung tonight!

  17. 17.

    BGinCHI

    March 4, 2016 at 9:12 am

    Speaking of p@nises and other body parts, here is noted art critic E. Buzz Miller on the artist and his work:

    Now, the first one here is called Venus of Urbizo, or; I’m sorry, that’s Urbino, and it was painted in 1538 by a guy in Venice. And this is for real his name is spelled t-i-t-i-a-n. Titian! Honest to god!

    At first I thought this was comedy, but now I’m pretty sure this is a CPAC art history seminar.

    /moderated above

  18. 18.

    Baud

    March 4, 2016 at 9:12 am

    @Amir Khalid: You can get away with a lot here if you hate the right people.

  19. 19.

    p.a.

    March 4, 2016 at 9:12 am

    @Amir Khalid: We have to laugh here because vomiting is painful and bad for the body.

  20. 20.

    Gin & Tonic

    March 4, 2016 at 9:13 am

    I have been, and am, in London, with (very) limited access to US media. Is this for real? Candidates for a major party’s nomination for the US presidency are throwing around dick insults on prime time TV?

  21. 21.

    WarMunchkin

    March 4, 2016 at 9:14 am

    @Gin & Tonic: Yep.

  22. 22.

    hueyplong

    March 4, 2016 at 9:14 am

    Had only followed along on sites like this one before, so actually watching a GOP “debate” last night was a cold immersion. Was really taken aback by the Jerry Springer vibe and how Trump, when seemingly on his heels, got the crowd audibly back on his side by promising to commit war crimes if elected.

    When Cruz went into his Tailgunner Ted thing about how Trump could “prove his innocence” by waiving a privilege and revealing the NYT tape, I was a little worried that he or Rubio might invite Trump to do the same with regard to his statement that the crowd could “trust him” that there was no problem on the topic of his male endowment.

    It’s funny reading commentary about this stuff while it’s happening, but it’s a lot less funny actually to watch it. I see no discernible floor on what these guys are willing to do and say. Will definitely fail to tune in next time.

  23. 23.

    p.a.

    March 4, 2016 at 9:15 am

    @Baud:

    hate the right people.

    An ever-changing, ever-renewable resource.

  24. 24.

    beltane

    March 4, 2016 at 9:15 am

    Last night’s debate gave me nightmares. Not in a figurative sense, but actual nightmares. I woke up thinking of Neil Gaiman’s American Gods and those demons inhabiting television screens.

  25. 25.

    Baud

    March 4, 2016 at 9:15 am

    @Gin & Tonic: Real. Consider staying.

  26. 26.

    p.a.

    March 4, 2016 at 9:18 am

    This Republican primary season is just a sneaky attempt to rehabilitate George W Bush’s reputation.

  27. 27.

    JPL

    March 4, 2016 at 9:18 am

    @Gin & Tonic: Yes.. Not everyone is happy about it.

    Thanks Tom… I just typed in schvantz.

  28. 28.

    MattF

    March 4, 2016 at 9:19 am

    …and– the next time any winger accuses Hillary of being a castrating bitch, there will be a moment of embarrassed silence, during which the accuser will realize he’s just made a pro-Hillary statement.

  29. 29.

    beltane

    March 4, 2016 at 9:20 am

    @hueyplong: And yet the entire “respectable” media would fluff Cruz or Rubio or Romney for espousing positions that are in direct opposition not only to American values (God knows what that means anyway), but to all traditional concepts of morality. Expect for a few outliers, the media establishment in this country is evil, horns and pitchforks evil.

  30. 30.

    Waldo

    March 4, 2016 at 9:20 am

    @Cermet:

    This latest strike against tRump is gonna hurt and leave marks – worse, if they continue, it will impact tRumps ability to run in the general if he wins the thug primary;

    It’s way worse than that. It’s over. Mittens’ attack on Trump was essentially a presidential concession speech. They know they can’t win with him and they can’t win without him. Instead, they will shiv the Donald to try to hold onto the House and Senate.

    When historians look back on the Great GOP Civil War of 2016, they’ll say it began with Romney’s attack on Fort Trumpter. And then things got really ugly.

  31. 31.

    JPL

    March 4, 2016 at 9:21 am

    @beltane: The freedom girls for Trump, caused restless sleep for me. They turned into puppets though, and it was horrifying.

  32. 32.

    Kay

    March 4, 2016 at 9:21 am

    @hueyplong:

    Trump could “prove his innocence” by waiving a privilege and revealing the NYT tape

    They could easily catch him in a real lie, maybe, if he’s lying. They should ask for something that shows he’s being audited. He got notice if he’s being audited (probably several!) and there would be no reason not to reveal a notice of audit.

  33. 33.

    Baud

    March 4, 2016 at 9:22 am

    @JPL: I’m not too upset about it because my party has and continues to offer voters a sane alternative that’s there for the taking. So we’re not doomed unless the voters choose to be doomed, and if they do, no one has a right to complain about it.

  34. 34.

    dedc79

    March 4, 2016 at 9:22 am

    @Amir Khalid: last I checked, malaysia already has a demagogue in charge. Our demagogue is merely in the running for the job.

  35. 35.

    Ultraviolet Thunder

    March 4, 2016 at 9:22 am

    I missed the whole thing. Had a long work day from Detroit to Omaha and now on my way home.
    Looking forward to the highlights when I land.
    It’s scary that one of our political parties has fallen this far but satisfying to see the mask of conservatism ripped off and the mean spiritedness behind exposed.

  36. 36.

    boatboy_srq

    March 4, 2016 at 9:24 am

    @p.a.: Also helps to be the right shade of pink and to belong to the right Assembly of Mammon.

  37. 37.

    Betty Cracker

    March 4, 2016 at 9:25 am

    It’s all so embarrassing. Possibly our only hope is that at least 50% plus one of our fellow citizens are still capable of feeling shame and exercising their right to vote to ameliorate it.

  38. 38.

    JPL

    March 4, 2016 at 9:25 am

    This is from the NYTimes
    One Claim We Won’t Be Fact-Checking

  39. 39.

    beltane

    March 4, 2016 at 9:27 am

    @JPL: I refused to watch the freedom girls video because there is only so much of this crap I can take.

    Donald Trump is a gadfly who will lose in November. The next time a Trump figure appears, and he will appear, it will be someone who means business and who will have the backing of the elites.

  40. 40.

    JPL

    March 4, 2016 at 9:27 am

    @Baud: There will be lots of money questioning the truthiness of Hillary. I just hope she is prepared for it.

  41. 41.

    Kay

    March 4, 2016 at 9:28 am

    It’s just amazing to me that they think they can send Romney out to denounce Trump (because Romney isn’t running) and then have the rest of them announce over and over that Trump is UNFIT to be President, but promise to support him at the end.

    They just aren’t willing to do what needs to be done if there’s any risk involved. Trump’s right. It’s all hollow posturing in that Party. They were ripe for take-over.

  42. 42.

    Baud

    March 4, 2016 at 9:29 am

    @JPL:

    True, she would face a wall of hate and misogyny. I hope we’re all ready for it. I have my doubts sometimes.

  43. 43.

    Germy

    March 4, 2016 at 9:30 am

    Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders will appear at an hour-long televised town hall event in Detroit on Monday, the eve of the Michigan primary — on Fox News. According to the New York Times, the network had invited both Democratic presidential candidates to participate in the event, which Bret Baier will host, but only Sanders accepted. Hillary Clinton’s campaign said she could not attend due to a scheduling conflict.

    http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2016/03/fox-news-is-hosting-a-sanders-event-on-monday.html

  44. 44.

    Gin & Tonic

    March 4, 2016 at 9:30 am

    @Baud: If I could afford it here I might.

  45. 45.

    Baud

    March 4, 2016 at 9:31 am

    @Kay:

    Have the Dem candidates been asked that question yet (would you support…)?

  46. 46.

    Germy

    March 4, 2016 at 9:31 am

    Jeb Bush had his own USA Freedom Kids. Remember?
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AgJ8AzE0nFE

  47. 47.

    Amir Khalid

    March 4, 2016 at 9:31 am

    @dedc79:
    Trust me, we don’t consider our demagogue-in-charge fit to lead a nation either.

  48. 48.

    Baud

    March 4, 2016 at 9:32 am

    @Germy:

    I was talking about that in the morning thread. I have mixed feelings. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see how it goes.

  49. 49.

    rikyrah

    March 4, 2016 at 9:32 am

    Cicely Tyson on House of Cards?

    Really?

    …………………

    Who Is Doris Jones On ‘House of Cards’ Season 4? Cicely Tyson Will Go Toe-To-Toe With Claire Underwood

    KELLY SCHREMPH

    Just when you think a show can’t possibly get anymore star power than it already has, you find out that the legendary Cicely Tyson has joined the cast of House of Cards Season 4. And while you’ve undoubtedly seen her praise-worthy acting talents throughout the years, this is absolutely going to be one role of hers you won’t want to miss. Why is that, you may ask? Because she’ll be going toe-to-toe with Claire Underwood herself. Portraying the part of Texas congresswoman Doris Jones, Tyson will give what’s sure to be a memorable performance while tackling from very real and poignant issues regarding race and class.

    In fact, according to a Baltimore Sun review of Tyson’s role, her character will start off having a very civil meeting with Claire, however, things soon take a hostile turn and leads to Representative Jones “viscerally communicates what it feels like to be offended by race and class privilege” to the First Lady. Sounds pretty intense, right? And given that it’ll take place between two powerhouse female actors, I have no doubt that we’ll all be on the edge of our seats. (Or perhaps even fall right off of them? You never know!) So you better believe that Tyson is going to take Season 4 to a whole new level of amazingness.

  50. 50.

    JasonF

    March 4, 2016 at 9:32 am

    Are you calling for a girther movement?

  51. 51.

    hueyplong

    March 4, 2016 at 9:32 am

    I watched the Freedom Girls thing and it’s the single most disturbing thing I’ve seen this entire disturbing season. Bothered me more than last time’s “let ’em die” thing in the S Car debate.

    If made by the other side, Frank Capra would have put that crap into a Why We Fight series installment.

  52. 52.

    SRW1

    March 4, 2016 at 9:32 am

    It’s still a dick contest. But, like, somewhat closer to the roots.

  53. 53.

    Germy

    March 4, 2016 at 9:34 am

    @Baud: You’re our only hope to push Sanders to the left.

  54. 54.

    AliceBlue

    March 4, 2016 at 9:34 am

    It’s times like this I really miss Jon Stewart.

  55. 55.

    Germy

    March 4, 2016 at 9:35 am

    @AliceBlue: Waiting patiently for Samantha Bee’s analysis of last night’s debate.

  56. 56.

    Kay

    March 4, 2016 at 9:36 am

    @Baud:

    No, but they will say yes. I get that candidates have to say yes. They really do. But to say yes after spending two hours saying not that they disagree with him or that he’s inexperienced but that he is UNFIT is different.

    They wonder why they aren’t credible? Really? That’s a mystery? Marco Rubio said he’d support a “con man” for US President.

  57. 57.

    Baud

    March 4, 2016 at 9:36 am

    @Germy: Appearing on anything except public access TV is like kneeling before the Man.

  58. 58.

    beltane

    March 4, 2016 at 9:36 am

    @Kay: Trump has inadvertently performed a tremendous service for his country-if the country is smart enough to take heed.

    David Brooks once said that Sarah Palin was a terminal cancer in the Republican party. Well, Donald Trump, and the GOP’s hypocritical response to him, is showing us that the Republican party is like terminal cancer to the USA. Trump is only the surface tumor, the real rot has metastasized through the whole body politic.

  59. 59.

    Baud

    March 4, 2016 at 9:37 am

    @Kay:

    They wonder why they aren’t credible? Really?

    See my comment at # 17.

  60. 60.

    JPL

    March 4, 2016 at 9:37 am

    @Germy: That actually didn’t help my mood. What’s the message, assh.oles win?

  61. 61.

    Betty Cracker

    March 4, 2016 at 9:37 am

    @Kay: That kind of amazed me too. “We can’t let this dangerously incompetent con man take over the party of Lincoln and Reagan! But oh yeah, I’ll support him if he’s the nominee.” Complete capitulation to Trumpism.

  62. 62.

    p.a.

    March 4, 2016 at 9:37 am

    @JasonF:

    JasonF says:
    March 4, 2016 at 9:32 am
    Are you calling for a girther movement

    A+++

  63. 63.

    Cermet

    March 4, 2016 at 9:38 am

    @Waldo: Very nice analogies! So the south rose again and the North, lead by a previously southern genera, now turned Northern fighter, won the day driving the rebels back to their hovels realizing their dicks were, in fact, too tiny to gratify their woman folk.

  64. 64.

    Baud

    March 4, 2016 at 9:39 am

    @Kay:

    Besides, their argument is that this just proves how awful Hillary is. I heard Rubio say that expressly on TV this morning.

  65. 65.

    Cermet

    March 4, 2016 at 9:41 am

    @dedc79: Details? I’d like to learn a bit about thier current political scene since he is now very knowledgeable about ours … .

  66. 66.

    p.a.

    March 4, 2016 at 9:43 am

    the better informed I get, the worse my outlook.

    the smoker I drink the player I get

    been down so long looks like up to me

  67. 67.

    dedc79

    March 4, 2016 at 9:43 am

    @Cermet: Huh?

    ETA: Oh, ok. Looks like you edited for clarity.

  68. 68.

    schrodinger's cat

    March 4, 2016 at 9:44 am

    These candidates are just embarrassing, the world is pointing and laughing at the self appointed “leader of the free world”.

  69. 69.

    Amir Khalid

    March 4, 2016 at 9:44 am

    @Betty Cracker:
    They’re admitting to what they really are: Republican first, American second.

  70. 70.

    Waldo

    March 4, 2016 at 9:45 am

    @Cermet: We can only hope!

  71. 71.

    Snarkworth, short-fingered Bulgarian

    March 4, 2016 at 9:45 am

    I’m waiting for Trump to say he can’t publicize his schlong because it’s being audited.

  72. 72.

    Peale

    March 4, 2016 at 9:46 am

    Rubio also showed his gravitas, so let’s not follow the republican establishment marching orders and lay this one on trump. They Republican Party foisted their penis1s on and unsuspecting public, both establishment and the insurgents.

  73. 73.

    Baud

    March 4, 2016 at 9:47 am

    Kevin Drum

    The Tax Policy Center has analyzed Hillary Clinton’s various tax proposals, which means we now have data for the top three Republican candidates and the top Democractic candidate: Donald Trump, Marco Rubio, Ted Cruz, and Clinton. Click the links for details. Or just look at the charts below for the nickel summary.

    You don’t need to look very hard, do you? One of these things is not like the others. The Republicans all give middle-income taxpayers a tiny benefit as a sop to distract them from the humongous payday they give to the rich. Clinton basically leaves middle-income taxpayers alone and makes the rich pay a little more.

    On the cost side, all of the supposedly fiscally conservative Republicans would blow a massive hole in the deficit. Clinton would actually make the deficit smaller.

  74. 74.

    Botsplainer, Cryptofascist Tool of the Oppressor Class

    March 4, 2016 at 9:47 am

    On a happy note, the main pushers and shouters that were harassing that young woman of color here in Louisville have been located (Heimbach was IDed early, and lives outside Cincinnati. Legionnaire is from Aurora Indiana, and was wearing a shirt with his name on it). As I predicted, none of them were from the People’s Democratic Socialist Kenyan Shariah Republic of Louisville – we don’t roll that way.

  75. 75.

    dedc79

    March 4, 2016 at 9:48 am

    @Cermet: I think we can expect similar developments if there’s a Trump in the White House;

    Malaysian prime minister Najib Razak has said his conscience is clear despite corruption allegations that have left him fighting for his political life.

    The scandal emerged in July when media reports said investigators had found that nearly US$700m (£450m) from the 1Malaysia Development Bhd (1MDB) state fund was transferred into the prime minister’s bank accounts.

    “I have not committed any offence or malpractice,” Najib said in a joint interview on Tuesday with Malaysia media giant Media Prima and Utusan group at his office in the administration capital, Putrajaya.

    Najib said the money was a “donation” from an unnamed person in the Middle East, but the opaque reasoning has enraged many Malaysians.

  76. 76.

    JasonF

    March 4, 2016 at 9:48 am

    @p.a.:

    Shamelessly stolen from here:

    https://twitter.com/GirlfriendBecky/status/705762966864461824

    (And I’m only confessing because that’s my girlfriend and she needs more Twitter followers.).

  77. 77.

    jeffreyw

    March 4, 2016 at 9:49 am

    @JasonF: Yes! I’ll bring the sammiches.

  78. 78.

    Kay

    March 4, 2016 at 9:49 am

    @Baud:

    Tell Little Marco good luck with “pivoting” to Hillary while his Party is imploding. He knows there won’t be any possible resolution until June and most likely until August and even then it will be ugly, right? If Clinton wants to she could spend from April to August preparing for a general election by counting and courting the Dem base and then re-appear at the debates, fresh and ready to wrap it up.

    Conservative pundit today:

    I wonder if Trump became Republican because he identified the GOP as the weaker institution.

  79. 79.

    Botsplainer, Cryptofascist Tool of the Oppressor Class

    March 4, 2016 at 9:49 am

    Here’s the nasty old bastard in question. Al Bamberger from Aurora IN.

  80. 80.

    Jeffro

    March 4, 2016 at 9:50 am

    @Amir Khalid:

    They’re admitting to what they really are: Republican first, American second.

    Yes – negated Romney’s speech and any impact it might have had completely with three short “yes”s

    It will be up to the Dem, then, to point out how Trumpism is just a cruder, dumber version of the same old, same old GOP nonsense. Fortunately, the DNC’s ad folks will have plenty of material to work with…

  81. 81.

    Shell

    March 4, 2016 at 9:50 am

    Well, now that the Republican “deep bench” has devolved into Animal House, ….do you need another reason to vote for a mature woman?

  82. 82.

    Punchy

    March 4, 2016 at 9:51 am

    They could easily catch him in a real lie, maybe, if he’s lying

    HAHAHAHAHAHA! As if “lying” were a negative trait to the average Trump supporter.

    They’d have to catch him in bed with a 10 yr. girl, and that would probably only lose him 10% of his voters. While gaining 90% of the pedo voting bloc, natch. Likely, a wash.

  83. 83.

    JGabriel

    March 4, 2016 at 9:52 am

    Tom Levenson @ Top:

    Given Donald Trump’s distinguished record as a campaigner for truth and unvarnished, unequivocal, impossible-to-falsify empirical evidence on the matter of our current president’s citizenship, there really is only one way forward.

    Show us the long form!

    Or rather…please don’t. Not ever.

    But he must! He must show us the long form!

    Because Trump dropping trou and waving his microsoft around is pretty much the only thing left that could possibly embarrass Republicans more than last night’s debate.

    And there are few things in life more fun than the schadenfreude of watching wingnuts despair over their own self-wrought destruction.

  84. 84.

    redshirt

    March 4, 2016 at 9:54 am

    I’ve been out of universe for a while: Is this all real?

    Actual dick jokes? Size of penis references?

    Was Kelly the moderator? How did that play if so?

    I can’t believe this is our reality.

  85. 85.

    Baud

    March 4, 2016 at 9:55 am

    @Kay:

    I wonder if Trump became Republican because he identified the GOP as the weaker institution.

    I believe businessmen like Trump refer to it as a hostile takeover.

  86. 86.

    Kay

    March 4, 2016 at 9:56 am

    @Baud:

    The factor they can’t affect is time. They won’t get more of it.

  87. 87.

    dedc79

    March 4, 2016 at 9:56 am

    Jim Webb just replaced Zell Miller as traitor-in-chief

  88. 88.

    beltane

    March 4, 2016 at 9:56 am

    Geez. Jim Webb says he will definitely not vote for Hillary and is considering supporting Trump.

  89. 89.

    JGabriel

    March 4, 2016 at 9:56 am

    @Punchy:

    They’d have to catch him in bed with a 10 yr. girl …

    They’d have to catch Trump in bed with Hillary Clinton, plotting together the demise of the GOP and America’s Right Wing, all while shouting in orgiastic ecstasy, “Yes! Yes, I said! Yes, I will! Yes!”

  90. 90.

    Ultraviolet Thunder

    March 4, 2016 at 9:57 am

    The ad I get at the top of this page is for men’s briefs.
    Targeted marketing getting better, or coincidence?

  91. 91.

    rikyrah

    March 4, 2016 at 9:57 am

    So true:

    Clash of Republican Con Artists
    Paul Krugman
    MARCH 4, 2016

    So Republicans are going to nominate a candidate who talks complete nonsense on domestic policy; who believes that foreign policy can be conducted via bullying and belligerence; who cynically exploits racial and ethnic hatred for political gain.

    But that was always going to happen, however the primary season turned out. The only news is that the candidate in question is probably going to be Donald Trump. Establishment Republicans denounce Mr. Trump as a fraud, which he is. But is he more fraudulent than the establishment trying to stop him? Not really.

    Actually, when you look at the people making those denunciations, you have to wonder: Can they really be that lacking in self-awareness?

    Donald Trump is a “con artist,” says Marco Rubio — who has promised to enact giant tax cuts, undertake a huge military buildup and balance the budget without any cuts in benefits to Americans over 55.

  92. 92.

    Kay

    March 4, 2016 at 9:57 am

    @Baud:

    I read conservatives all the time now, because I get a sick satisfaction from it :)

    The “hostile takeover” is an actual theory. I think they just like business-ey terms though.

  93. 93.

    redshirt

    March 4, 2016 at 9:59 am

    I’ve been out of universe for a while: Is this all real?

    Actual dick jokes? Size of pen1$ references?

    Was Kelly the moderator? How did that play if so?

    I can’t believe this is our reality.

  94. 94.

    Aleta

    March 4, 2016 at 9:59 am

    Next come the poll questions.

  95. 95.

    Baud

    March 4, 2016 at 10:00 am

    @dedc79:
    @beltane:

    Dems really dodged a bullet not nominating that guy.

    Lincoln Chaffee must be happy to not be the biggest loser in that first debate.

  96. 96.

    Ultraviolet Thunder

    March 4, 2016 at 10:02 am

    @JGabriel:

    They’d have to catch Trump in bed with Hillary Clinton, plotting together the demise of the GOP and America’s Right Wing, all while shouting in orgiastic ecstasy, “Yes! Yes, I said! Yes, I will! Yes!”

    It’s been asked before, but if Trump was a Dem plant intent on torpedoing the GOP, what would he be doing differently? He’s found their weak points and targeted them all. I don’t think he’s that smart or unselfish, but you have to wonder.

  97. 97.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    March 4, 2016 at 10:03 am

    I’m a bit surprised Webb isn’t trouble by the way Trump talks about the military, but Webb was a racial tribalist when Trump was still saying he thought Obama was doing a good job.

  98. 98.

    Kay

    March 4, 2016 at 10:03 am

    @Baud:

    I hope Hillary Clinton gives a dead-serious stare at the camera “address” where she appeals to peoples’ patriotism and says she is the only thing standing between them and disaster :)

    To secure a majority of delegates, Rubio would need to win two-thirds of the remaining delegates left, which is totally unrealistic. Kasich is even further behind. Cruz is a bit closer, but he’s already won his best state (Texas) and doesn’t have a lot of growth opportunity. The only hope the establishment has now is for anti-Trump voters to follow Mitt Romney’s suggestion and vote tactically in hopes of denying Trump the nomination.
    The last best hope, in short, is that the candidates will stop running for president and start running to stop Trump from becoming president. It didn’t happen, and even if it does the GOP has set itself up to enter the general election season hopeless divided.

  99. 99.

    OzarkHillbilly

    March 4, 2016 at 10:03 am

    @redshirt: Why not? It’ is America, isn’t it?

  100. 100.

    Baud

    March 4, 2016 at 10:06 am

    @Kay:

    Eventually. She has to finish with the Dem primary first, lest she get accused of measuring the drapes.

  101. 101.

    beltane

    March 4, 2016 at 10:07 am

    @Baud: Jim Webb’s response to Bush’s SOTU was classic. The rest of his recent career is just pathetic.

  102. 102.

    Baud

    March 4, 2016 at 10:08 am

    @beltane:

    Agree. Glad he was in the Senate when he was, but he has gone downhill since then.

  103. 103.

    Kay

    March 4, 2016 at 10:09 am

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist:

    I thought his attack on the health care law was unforgivable considering how poor his supposed “base” are. Come on. Let it go, or at least look at the counties you supposedly care about and admit none of those people had health insurance and they desperately needed access to health care.

  104. 104.

    Kay

    March 4, 2016 at 10:13 am

    @Baud:

    She’s really in a good place time-wise, though, v The Republicans, and that’s a real luxury. It’s a gift. If they’re going to do intense organizing they don’t need money so much as they need weeks and weeks over the late spring and summer. Organizers don’t make that much. She can hire a lot of them.

  105. 105.

    Gravenstone

    March 4, 2016 at 10:13 am

    And remember folks, this is the very same Republican party that got such a collective case of the vapors over Clinton besmirching the dignity of the office by getting a blowjob, that they impeached him! Because nothing speaks to the dignity of the Presidency like bragging about the size of your dick, amirite?

  106. 106.

    schrodinger's cat

    March 4, 2016 at 10:14 am

    Does anyone watch BBC’s world news tonight? The reporters have this incredulous air of I can’t believe I am watching this circus. It would be funny if it was not so scary.

  107. 107.

    Russ

    March 4, 2016 at 10:16 am

    This is PERFECT

    <a href="

    PRODUCE THE SCHLONG FORM GIRTH CERTIFICATE— Josh Greenman (@joshgreenman) March 4, 2016

    “>

  108. 108.

    JPL

    March 4, 2016 at 10:18 am

    Who will be first to say both sides do it?

  109. 109.

    the Conster, la Citoyenne

    March 4, 2016 at 10:20 am

    @JPL:

    Ron Fucking Fournier. Guaranteed.

  110. 110.

    schrodinger's cat

    March 4, 2016 at 10:21 am

    I am wondering how this is all Obama’s fault.

  111. 111.

    OzarkHillbilly

    March 4, 2016 at 10:22 am

    @schrodinger’s cat: I can laugh.

  112. 112.

    Betty Cracker

    March 4, 2016 at 10:23 am

    @redshirt: It’s all real, I’m afraid. Kelly was gunning for Trump with a gleam in her eye! Showed a video montage of his flip-flopping and lies and asked him to account for it, which he couldn’t credibly do, and took a prosecutorial tone throughout.

    One of the most surprising moments to me — not the dick-measuring; that’s the new normal! — was when O’Reilly asked Trump after the debate if he thought it had been fair and if Kelly in particular had been fair. It wasn’t and she wasn’t. It was so fucking obvious it was all about taking Trump down. But Trump said it was! I guess this is his new strategy.

  113. 113.

    OzarkHillbilly

    March 4, 2016 at 10:23 am

    @schrodinger’s cat: He got born black and smarter than them, a fate no white man should ever have to endure.

  114. 114.

    schrodinger's cat

    March 4, 2016 at 10:25 am

    @OzarkHillbilly: I am laughing too, I just hope that doesn’t turn into bitter tears in November. I think the probability of any one of those scary clowns winning is slim, but it is worrisome that it is non-zero. Besides, we do need a functioning opposition party in a democracy.

  115. 115.

    Aleta

    March 4, 2016 at 10:25 am

    @Botsplainer, Cryptofascist Tool of the Oppressor Class: Have you seen this photo of Joseph Pryor (another of those guys, who’d been accepted by the Marines but is now rejected) ? It’s alongside a photo of hate from the 60’s, and the hate-faces are about the same. http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/king-wannabe-marine-tossed-donald-trump-rally-antics-article-1.2552048
    (from Shaun King article)

  116. 116.

    PurpleGirl

    March 4, 2016 at 10:27 am

    @jeffreyw: Ham and cheese? What kind of bread is that? It looks good.

  117. 117.

    hedgehog the occasional commenter

    March 4, 2016 at 10:28 am

    @JGabriel: Brain bleach. Stat.

  118. 118.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    March 4, 2016 at 10:28 am

    @Kay: anything specific? I made a google and just found a lot of vague nonsense about timing, procedure and leadership. Obama should have given them a bill to vote on, a smaller, easier to understand bill, at a different time, one that people could have come together on. (In fact, similarly vague critiques I was reading here from some Green Lanternists. Them- Obama should have managed Congress better and not negotiated with Republicans and compromised so much. Me- When? What bills? What negotiations? Them- /crickets/)

    There is something interesting (and sad and troubling and absolutely racist) about Webb’s total inability to see that any government program can help “his people” unless it were called The Program To Help White Appalachians, Preference Given To Those Who Can Prove Descent From One Of Six Scotch Irish Clans Who Came From Ulster In The 18th Century) That Is Totally Not A Government Hand-Out.

  119. 119.

    OzarkHillbilly

    March 4, 2016 at 10:30 am

    @schrodinger’s cat: I will still laugh even if one of these clowns win. Might as well, the joke will be on me.

  120. 120.

    hedgehog the occasional commenter

    March 4, 2016 at 10:30 am

    @Ultraviolet Thunder: I’m getting an invitation to join Franklin Graham at a prayer rally in Denver. No.

  121. 121.

    Uncle Cosmo

    March 4, 2016 at 10:33 am

    I’m so sorry, but when I read “Show us the long form” what should immediately come ;^D to mind but this.

    Oh, sweet misery of life, the Thugs have found you….

  122. 122.

    Stardus614

    March 4, 2016 at 10:33 am

    She failed us all. All Megan Kelly had to do was ask Donald to prove his claim, right there. Is that so hard…um…soft?

  123. 123.

    GregB

    March 4, 2016 at 10:35 am

    You may be barking up the wrong tree on this one.

    Whenever I look at or hear Donald Trump, the first think that comes to my mind is:

    Huge dick.

  124. 124.

    O. Felix Culpa

    March 4, 2016 at 10:35 am

    @Kay: I hope Hillary Clinton gives a dead-serious stare at the camera “address” where she appeals to peoples’ patriotism and says she is the only thing standing between them and disaster

    Which would be a true statement. For the US and, potentially, the world.

  125. 125.

    O. Felix Culpa

    March 4, 2016 at 10:37 am

    @schrodinger’s cat: Not sure, but it’s got to be good news for John McCain.

  126. 126.

    Betty Cracker

    March 4, 2016 at 10:37 am

    I don’t have a WSJ subscription. Has Noonan expired from the vapors yet?

  127. 127.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    March 4, 2016 at 10:37 am

    Watching the mayor of Miami advocate for Rubio (ETA: for Rubio, very much against Trump) on MSNBC. The closest he’s come to anything substantive is that Marco Rubio, who is proposing tax cuts beyond anything Dumbya ever dreamed of, understands that the federal government should be spending more money in cities like Miami.

    The mayor starts talking about foreign policy (Cuba), Mario Diaz-Balart tries to expand the discussion to Haiti, the mayor brings it back to what really matters: Cuba.

  128. 128.

    O. Felix Culpa

    March 4, 2016 at 10:39 am

    @Betty Cracker: We can hope.

    ETA: From yesterday, “I think we are seeing a great political party shatter before our eyes.” Shatter, we can hope. Great, not so much.

  129. 129.

    Ultraviolet Thunder

    March 4, 2016 at 10:41 am

    Among the things Trump says that set off the alarm bells, sirens and flashing red lights in the Fraud Detection sector of my brain are his repetitions of ‘believe me’, ‘I guarantee’ and ‘take my word for it’.
    A liar resorts to these appeals to his credibility when he has no other argument to make. I just wonder how he manages to fool anyone when he’s so obviously full of shit.

  130. 130.

    Kay

    March 4, 2016 at 10:42 am

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist:

    Democratic Sen. Jim Webb of Virginia took President Barack Obama to task this morning for his lack of leadership on health-care reform.
    He blew up on Obama’s signature legislative achievement, calling the manner in which he handled it a disaster and questioning whether it could cost him Virginia’s electoral votes this November.
    “I’ll be real frank here,” Webb said at a Bloomberg News breakfast, according to The Washington Post. “I think that the manner in which the health-care reform issue was put in front of the Congress, the way that the issue was dealt with by the White House, cost Obama a lot of credibility as a leader.”

    He should have been making himself useful and signing his beloved Appalachians up for health insurance instead of opining on leadership. One would think such a gritty fighter would be more practical.

  131. 131.

    Davebo

    March 4, 2016 at 10:43 am

    Well the Ted Cruz eats a booger meme is kinda funny!

  132. 132.

    danielx

    March 4, 2016 at 10:45 am

    Imagine the writer’s room at The Daily Show right now: why bother with new copy when you can just revoice that transcript?

    The jokes, they write themselves.

    As Robin Williams once noted, when all else fails you can always fall back on dick jokes.

  133. 133.

    Ultraviolet Thunder

    March 4, 2016 at 10:45 am

    I gotta get on a plane. Have a good Friday, all.

  134. 134.

    jeffreyw

    March 4, 2016 at 10:59 am

    @PurpleGirl: It’s just a regular bun after coming out of a grill press/panini machine, the sammich is capicola, ham, and swiss.

  135. 135.

    danielx

    March 4, 2016 at 11:02 am

    @Betty Cracker:

    I think you underestimate Our Lady of Stolichnaya.

  136. 136.

    Gravenstone

    March 4, 2016 at 11:14 am

    @Betty Cracker: I don’t think he can talk about the unfairness out loud. Because they’ll immediately pivot to his loud proclamations of going independent if he believes he’s not being treated fairly. As others have noted before, this all seems like part of a plan to force him to rage quit and go independent in order to minimize the carnage down ticket.

  137. 137.

    Gravenstone

    March 4, 2016 at 11:17 am

    @hedgehog the occasional commenter: Would it be considered bad form to show up toting vuvuzela and air horns?

  138. 138.

    I'mNotSureWhoIWantToBeYet

    March 4, 2016 at 11:37 am

    @Botsplainer, Cryptofascist Tool of the Oppressor Class: Page is gone – that’s probably a good thing.

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  139. 139.

    PurpleGirl

    March 4, 2016 at 11:41 am

    Firmest, non-firm capacity.

    A rather technical description of an electrical power contract between two public utilities. (Sorry, I can’t name the companies.) However, reading about the debate last night and what the debate seems to have devolved into, that phrase jumps to mind. I’ve wanted to write that phrase somewhere for a long time and this situation seems perfect for it.

    Firmest, non-firm capacity.

  140. 140.

    I'mNotSureWhoIWantToBeYet

    March 4, 2016 at 11:49 am

    @Kay: We shouldn’t forget that Webb was one of 60 votes in the Senate that passed the PPACA. He can rant and rail about it now, that’s fine. What matters is that he voted for it and we should be grateful that he did.

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  141. 141.

    raven

    March 4, 2016 at 11:57 am

    @I’mNotSureWhoIWantToBeYet: fuck him and LBJ

  142. 142.

    I'mNotSureWhoIWantToBeYet

    March 4, 2016 at 1:06 pm

    @raven: I’m happy he defeated George Allen and voted for the PPACA and the rest. I’m not going to throw out those good things he did even though I think he’s wrong on other things.

    People are complicated. Politicians, moreso.

    YMMV. ;-)

    Cheers,
    Scott.

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