Lots of ink has been spilled about how the truth simply doesn’t matter, but I thought I would share a story from today with you. I was out and about running errands, dealing with the rabble and sprinkling my special brand of sunshine on everyone I interacted with…
Hang on. While I was out, I gave some serious thought to what it would like to be the last person on earth. Would it be as awesome as I imagine? I decided no, it would not. Even I, eventually, would like some company. So what I basically decided is that I would be ok with being one of the last, say, million people on earth. But most of you- you people driving 45 in the left lane, slamming your grocery cart into my car, going out in public without showering, coughing and not covering your mouth, smoking near the entrances to everything, stopping at a green light ceding the right of way to other cars DON’T YOU FUCKING PEOPLE KNOW THEY THINK ABOUT THIS WHEN THEY SET UP TRAFFIC LIGHTS, squeezing and dropping produce and then just putting it back in the bin for someone else while you grab something you haven’t fucking bruised, driving through parking lots the wrong direction WTF DO YOU THINK THOSE ARROWS ON THE GROUND SIGNIFY, invading my space while I try to check out, tailgating me while I am following someone else on a two lane road and CAN’T FUCKING GO ANYWHERE ELSE, standing in the middle of the aisle with your cart blocking everyone while you talk loudly YOU’RE IN FUCKING PUBLIC on your phone. You people know who you are. Enjoy the hot fiery death of the fucking meteor, you people.
So like I said, I was out and about sharing my charm and joyous outlook on life, and while waiting in line somewhere, an old guy came up and stood behind me. I heard him inhale as people do be fore they begin talking and on the inside was screaming NO NO NO NO NO DON’T TALK TO ME and so of course he started talking to me, and asked me if I liked funny stories. A visual representation of my inner monologue at this point:
So I gritted my teeth and realized there was no way out of this, and grumbled, “OK.” And so it begins:
Three men died and went to heaven. At the pearly gates, they met St. Peter, and he told them, welcome to heaven. Here are your room numbers, and in front of each room is a clock. Every time during your life that you told a lie, it moves forward a minute.
The first man was Billy Graham, a godly man, so his clock only ticked a little bit.
The second man was Jerry Falwell, who was not quite as godly as Graham, so his ticked twice as fast.
The third man was…
At this point, I was ABSOLUTELY convinced it was going to be Obama, and I was probably going to have a stroke from suppressing my feelings. I’m pretty much viewed as to the left of Lenin politically around here, so in public, unless someone is saying something completely idiotic and going unchallenged and I lose my shit and drop truth bombs on them, I keep my opinions to myself. At any rate, I’m already tense and sweating and grinding my teeth at the mention of heaven and Billy Graham and Jerry Falwell, so I’m pretty much bracing for the apocalypse right now and repeating mantra-like “You can’t punch an old, you can’t punch an old, you can’t punch an old, you can’t punch an old” and he says
…Trump. Trump walks to his room, and doesn’t see a a clock, so yells back to St. Peter “I don’t see my clock.” St. Peter responds, “Oh, it’s in the dayroom being used as a fan.”
Thinking I had dodged a bullet, I relaxed a little, offer a tepid smile, and said “Unfortunately, that liar is going to win WV,” thinking this man was no fan of Trump.
Without skipping a beat, he said “Yep. And if he does 1/10th the things he says he is going to do, I’ll be glad I voted for him.”
And thus, you have the current political environment, brought to you by the nihilists and the GOP and the both sides do it media.
Baud
“He’s our liar!”
.
.
.
So, did you punch him?
magurakurin
I’ve read that the orange-red sky in the background of that painting might actually have been a representation of what the sky looked like at that time. The ash from the Krakatoa Volcano was still producing blood red sunsets across Europe even at that time, so vast was that eruptions influence on the Earth’s climate. They say that people heard that explosion in Perth and barometers right around the globe measured the blast wave that circled the planet 7 times.
And yeah, a lot of stupid people will vote for Trump. So?
JPL
Holy fuck..
Besides build a wall, take away health care from 21 million people, and add 10 trillion to the deficit, what has Trump said.. What ten percent does he want.
Steeplejack (phone)
@John Cole:
You need to fix “doesn’t see a fan” to “doesn’t see a clock.” Kills the joke.
David Fud
Exhibit A for the folks who knowingly vote for Trump. They hate their party, the media, all colors of folk except some Lily white ones, Democrats, women and pretty much everyone else that doesn’t fit in on their team.
We keep asking why anyone would want to put Trump near the launch codes. Now we know: so they can start the apocalypse, especially since they don’t control everything anymore.
kdaug
And away we go
Mary G
You showed remarkable restraint. I would have probably said something rude, like “No way Trump even gets into Heaven in the first place.” Jokes involving St. Peter always suck.
ThresherK
At Christmas dinner someone’s Crazy Uncle Liberty told the one about wanting to be crucified between Obama and Hillary Clinton because Uncle Liberty would then die between two thieves just like Jeebus Cripes.
The next thing I heard at the table was “Oh, and you can put any politician’s name in it and it still works!”
Truly the definition of satire: “You can put anyone’s name in it and it’s still funny!”
NotMax
Oh sure, pick on the olds.
:)
WarMunchkin
Relevant article: After The Fact
It just strikes me how facts are purely a product of empiricism and empiricism is more like a cultivated craft belonging to a guild than some natural thing humans have. I don’t understand the Hillary Is Worse Than Trump stuff. On her worst day, she’s politics as usual, and while that has failed us to some degree, she’s not running for Caesar.
LAO
Quite frankly, the only reason I can being the same room as my Republican father, is he despises Trump. Of course, he hates Hillary with the intensity of 10 white hot Suns, so should be interesting if Trump gets the nomination. I feel great sympathy for my liberal mother.
muddy
I think I might have started screaming and smacking myself in the head. Jeezum.
lollipopguild
May you live to be 150 and may the last voice you hear be mine. A little story, Three people are killed in a traffic accident, two men and one woman. They are walking on the pathway to Heaven and talking. the woman discovers that the two men are both openly racist and sexist. They reach the gates of Heaven and the two men both say “Ladies first” so she goes in. Now she is in there for a while and both men are joking that she has been sent down to hell. Finally she comes out. They ask for a report. She replies “i have good news and bad news” Tell us the good news first they say. “our God is a loving and forgiving God ” What’s the bad news, they ask. “She’s Black”
lamh36
Reminds me of the dude who I had to get my car’s break tag from. While I was waiting for him to fill out the tag, he went on this rant about Obama and how much he has put the US in debt.
Now, I don’t want to stereotype, but I’m a big Black woman, so my first thought would be to assume ya really don’t know how I feel about Obama, but based on alot of likelihood, you’d think a thinking white person, would not mention shit like that to a likely Obama person.
But then I realized, that of course he wouldn’t think twice, cause I can’t tell you, the number of older white folks who I have interacted with who never seem to shy away from saying the most borderline racist things, and either not caring or just not realizing how it MIGHT come off to a person of color, might just astound you.
Most folks have learned to think before they speak but these, folks of a certain age, not so much.
Plus they really do believe what they heard from emails or Faux News.
Anoniminous
@WarMunchkin:
Neuroscience has conclusively proven most humans, most of the time, make decisions with their Limbic Systems and justify with their frontal lobe. Thus, humans are a rationalizing animal.
muddy
@ThresherK: Might work if the joke were about farts.
Baud
@WarMunchkin:
I’ve decided to avoid leaving the boat for the rest of the election. The other day on LGM, which normally has decent stuff, there was a post about how the Bush administration won the debate on torture. The example given (from an article excerpted from somewhere) were Trump and Hillary after the Brussels bombing. Huh?, I thought. Well, you see, Trump said he supported torture to fight ISIS, and Hillary said she opposed it. But. . . Hillary opposed it for the wrong reason!
So there you have it.
Baud
@lamh36:
What they figure is, “Whacha gonna do about it?” They learned that attitude in childhood.
NotMax
@Not so, grasshopper.
The scene: The pearly gates. Standing in front of St. Peter are three nuns.
St. Peter: Sisters, you’ve each led exemplary, inspirational lives. But before you may pass through the gates I’m required to ask each of you one question, which you must answer correctly.
Sister Luke, who was the first man?
Sister Luke: Why – why, that would be Adam!
And the bells rang, and the trumpets blew and the gates swung open to admit her.
St. Peter: Sister Immaculata, who was the first woman?
Sister Immaculata, without hesitation: Eve!
And the bells rang, and the trumpets blew and the gates swung open to admit her.
St. Peter: Sister Beatrice, what were Eve’s first words to Adam?
She furrows her brow in thought for more than a few seconds and and finally tentatively admits, softly, “My goodness, that’s a hard one!”
And the bells rang, and the trumpets blew…
SiubhanDuinne
John, you really can’t win for losing, can you?
schrodinger's cat
You should have given that guy a piece of your mind, in an invective laden with expletives. One should respect wisdom not age. Also, since today is Holi, it is ok to swear in public and drink bhang! Happy Holi!
SiubhanDuinne
@NotMax:
Heard that coming from a mile off.
Still laughed like a drain.
PaulWartenberg2016
John, you’re a white male. You can punch him and no jury will ever convict.
wink and nudge says the DA to the judge.
gex
Excuse me while I go find a corner to curl up in and weep until election day, when I will leave to vote, and then return to my position until results come in. And depending on the results, that might be where I spend the rest of my life.
Mingobat f/k/a Karen in GA
Great. I’d like to slash my wrists now. Thanks for that.
Like the stupid bastard in front of me who pulled over onto the right shoulder. I continued on, not realizing that shoulder guy had waved on someone waiting at a stop sign to turn left into the lane I was in. So shoulder guy waved another car directly into my path, the moron in said other car tried to turn left in front of me without thinking that maybe nobody told me he was going to do it, and of course they both let me know how wrong I was for leaning on my horn.
Fuck, I hate these people.
NotMax
Repeating solely because new thread cam up just as it was being typed out below.
Comic book/comic strip day begins on TCM right now.
Batman! Superman! Buck Rogers! Flash Gordon! The Phantom! Ace Drummond! Dick Tracy!
Grab your Jujubes, put up your feet and have fun ogling the primitive production values!
Reply
Tara the Antisocial Social Worker
@LAO:
Are we siblings?
jl
I suppose the eager ambitious students, sure that they had a jump on the main chance, said the same thing when they forked over their dough to a Trump University scamster.
Hungry Joe
No stranger has ever or ever will stop me and ask me if I want to hear a funny story because my default face, even when I’m relaxed and contented (oh, it happens), radiates “pissed-off guy.” I sometimes wish I had a sticker to affix to my forehead that says, “Everything’s okay, it’s just my face.” On the other hand, sometimes I really am a pissed-off guy (for pretty much the same reasons Cole ranted about above), so the face can come in pretty handy.
Bernie was in town (San Diego) last night, but they were saying you had to get to the Convention Center by 5:00 to get in, and Bernie wasn’t scheduled to show up till 8:00. I checked my Medicare card and sure enough, I’m still old, so I passed. Some friends said it was a blast.
Jim, Foolish Literalist
Would that be 1/10th of a wall? Cause I haven’t heard him say he’s gonna do anything else
Kathleen
@Baud: Yes. I’ve dropped many blogs at least for the duration of the campaign. It’s as if some strange borg has overtaken the blogsphere and people I thought were rational are spewing bot crap.
John Cole – you captured my thoughts perfectly as I move through my day. I won’t feel so alone now when I scream epithets at the clown who just sits at the front of the left turn lane (I’m convinced he/she is texting) when the green left arrow appears and the window is about 2 seconds.
schrodinger's cat
@SiubhanDuinne: Holi kitteh looks pissed. I wonder if I will be alive if I did that to bosskitteh!
TaMara (BHF)
I don’t know who this new front pager is, but I think he’s got a future here.
Meanwhile, I’ll be cleaning the coffee off my computer screen.
Major Major Major Major
Oh god no no no no no *adds to list of things that annoy me*
What, I have a list.
muddy
@lamh36: @Baud: I had a guy pushing this BS at me at work this winter. Loves Trump. President is divisive. Insurance over state lines. The usual. I kept putting him off, but he kept walking back over to my work area over and over to bring up some other point. As far as I’m concerned, the point is that we are supposed to be working. The RWNJs are always sure they will convince you. They just keep pushing it.
But when he got to the part where he came over to say that “the problem in this country is that all the black people just want to kill white people and that’s all they talk about”, I just lost my mind. Actually I very literally felt sick to my stomach. I said he was done talking his shit, and I went and reported him. I said I preferred not to work with him. They were aghast when I repeated what was said. So I got to take charge of the 1st area instead of him and they sent him to a really horrible area on his own for months.
I was also super gossipy and told all the people I am friends with there so the story got around. No one sits with him at lunch anymore. Anyway I’m proud I was a tattletale. You don’t need to punch people to fuck them up.
jl
And a WaPo poll, reported in TPM blog, gives a glimpse into the minds of the GOP, and especially Trump, white bigot dupes who fall for the reactionary BS blame game. The white bigot marks cannot imagine that nice GOP men who look like them may have a lot of responsibility, much less that the whole thing is a cynical con.
Whites ‘Losing Out’ To Minorities, Majority Of Trump Backers Say
TPM
“Which of these do you think is a bigger problem in this country — blacks and Hispanics losing out because of preferences for whites, or whites losing out because of preferences for blacks and Hispanics?”
More than half of Trump supporters, 54 percent, thought white people losing out was a bigger problem.
talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/trump-supporters-think-whites-left-behind
The truth is, economically, everyone who is not part of an elect economic club is losing, and the GOP is main political engine behind it. But the white bigots cannot even consider that possibility.
SiubhanDuinne
@schrodinger’s cat:
I investigated several brightly-paintd kittehs. They all looked pissed. KITTEHS LIKE TO BE CAT-COLOURED!! The one I sent you could fit right in at a Grateful Dead concert, though.
jl
@Kathleen: Only BJ blog has stayed true to the Baud! 2016! cause through thin and thinner.
NotMax
@NotMax
BTW, the actor playing Robin in the Batman serial being shown today died only last month, aged 92.
Quote some interesting Hollywood scuttlebuttt in his obit.
J.
I was just talking about this very topic…. The amount of willful ignorance and total disregard of facts this election cycle is stunning — and very, very depressing.
Mingobat f/k/a Karen in GA
@Kathleen:
How about the clown who, since the arrow is no longer lit, will just sit there and not make the left, despite the fact that there’s still a green light and nobody in the oncoming lane?
Did I mention that I hate these people? Because I hate them.
SiubhanDuinne
@muddy:
?????
schrodinger's cat
@SiubhanDuinne: Indeed it sure does. I wonder how does one tie die a kitteh? I am not amused — is a favorite kitteh expression.
Baud
@muddy: Glad you had decent employers.
muddy
@SiubhanDuinne: Someone gave me this book. It’s pretty amazing but I assume the cats were sedated.
Baud
@jl: The captive audience here has been wonderful.
muddy
@Baud: Vermont Country Store. Also their stuff is guaranteed forever. They mean it, this fall a lady sent back a 9 year old shower curtain and got a new one.
ETA: they replaced it free, she didn’t by a new one
gogol's wife
@Steeplejack (phone):
That joke was DOA.
schrodinger's cat
@muddy: Good for you. RWNJ keep pushing, most people let them speak to avoid confrontation, so they think that everyone agrees with them. I have had similar experiences with Modi bhakts (devotees).
Major Major Major Major
@Baud: Captive my ass, you’re throwing out tit-for-tat appointments like candy!
Keith G
Now, now. It’s all going to be ok. I am reasonably certain that Hillary will beat whichever Republican candidate she will face.
Hopefully, she won’t screw this up and lose. But even if she does, it won’t be the end of “Life as We Know It”.
Rather, the Democrats will have a quite chilly several years in exile, but a chance to actually get themselves aligned as a more actively liberal party representing the needs of working America.
I am of the view that in the last decade or so the world has changed greatly and yet our politics have not. We are still trying to muddle through using paradigms that were barely relevant in the age of Reagan.
While I desperately want Hillary to win this next election, I am cognizant of the fact that sometimes winning an election serves to ossify a political movement instead of allowing it to change the way it needs to.
LAO
@Tara the Antisocial Social Worker: lol. Have you found your dad getting wackier as he gets older. I swear he wasn’t insane when I was a kid. I blame Bill Clinton. That’s when the cracks began to show.
The Ancient Randonneur
Speaking of privilege …
Gravenstone
Shoulda punched the old.
Davebo
@schrodinger’s cat:
I really don’t think John has any to spare at this point.
gogol's wife
@NotMax:
I really wanted to watch those serials, but my husband came home tired and won’t have it.
scav
Happy with 1/10 of what Trump promises? Rooting for national decimation and proud of it. Sounds about right.
Baud
@Major Major Major Major: I feel like Oprah when she gave everyone a car.
RSA
West Virginia may be almost heaven, but you’re not allowed to help an old go the rest of the way.
schrodinger's cat
OT: Will Pastor Tim survive today’s episode?
NotMax
The correct response was “Is that it? ’cause I’m still waiting for the funny story.”
Major Major Major Major
@Baud: And you get a cabinet position and you get a cabinet position…
Sadly I think this might be how it actually works
jl
@Major Major Major Major: Somebody said something about ‘tit’ appointments in the Baud! 2016! administration. I would like details. Is there an illustrated news letter?
Edit: Baud! 2016! should have gone after the Trump crowd. That was virtually a fatal decision.
PatrickG
@Baud:
Jeez, you weren’t kidding about that LGM piece. I had a bet with myself that it was either Campos or Loomis (I won!). I’ve been more or less just skimming their pieces because those two couldn’t write about ice cream without noting that Hillary Clinton is insufficiently pro-ice cream (plus she hates the lactose tolerant and intolerant equally!).
Shakezula is amazing, though!
NotMax
@
Major Major Major Major
Well, Major already has the tat.
SiubhanDuinne
@muddy:
Ha! Someone gave it to me, too, years ago! It’s a companion-piece, or at least a response, to an earlier book called Why Cats Paint.
NotMax
#64 was supposed to be @jl
My bad.
Also goofed on the serial Robins. The one coming up right now is the one to whose obit I linked.
(Not a day for NotMax to buy a lottery ticket, if such a thing existed in Hawaii.)
Major Major Major Major
@NotMax: huh‽
raven
Rachel has the dirt on Gov. Robert Bentley!
SiubhanDuinne
@Baud:
Influenced, I’m sure, by the conversations with Muddy and Schrödinger’s Cat, I totally read that as “I feel like Oprah when she gave everyone a cat.”
(“You get a kitteh, and you get a kitteh…!”)
mdblanche
OT but I love your newish twitter icon, John. Is that you on the left or on the right?
muddy
@SiubhanDuinne: Mine told me it was because I left the paints out.
raven
NickM
@Keith G: I would hope you’re right about what would happen if the Republican wins. But I’m convinced it would be a disaster I wouldn’t live to see repaired (I’m in my 40s). The GOP has never been loonier and they’d control all three branches. They’d probably be able to cement control of the Supremes for 30-40 years. On top of that they know their demographic window is closing and in 10-20 years their demographic base won’t get it done for them. The next 4 to 8 years they’re going to go nuts making sure we don’t get to have democracy ever again. They’ve already started with the voter ID laws, gerrymandering, destruction of the Voting Rights Act, Citizens United, Right to Work laws, attack on ACORN and PP. They’re going to destroy any chance of democracy if they get the chance and they’ll get the chance if they can only win the Presidency. That’s why they’re so geared up.
I can’t see the future much after that, but I’m pretty sure the only way for the voice of the majority to be heard after that is not going to be via the ballot box.
SiubhanDuinne
@raven:
Anybody who goes a week without dusting has the dirt on Gov. Robert Bentley!
lamh36
@muddy: Easier said than done when you work in a public hospital like I do. So you get calls from patients and you see patients in the hall, or encounter them in the line for bathroom/cafeteria/vending maching/ATM what have you, and you can’t say “go fuck yourself”.
I recall a person calling about an appointment (I work in the lab, so 1st off, they had the wrong number anyway) so I was trying to direct their call to the right person. He was upset, cause the “Muslim Arab girl” told him to call this number…blah, blah, blah…had no idea who he was talking about…the guy had this stereotypical redneck voice, so when he said it, I got twitch in my eye.
SRW1
Thanksgiving gatherings are probably going to be the most awesome ever in many places this year.
Thymezone
The visual for your inner monologue was a great touch.
Major Major Major Major
@raven: Damn, not Florida, my guess was wrong.
Pogonip
@muddy: At their prices, it ought to be guaranteed forever and a day.
Kay
Ted Cruz beats him in this poll, and not by a little, either.
p.a.
@NotMax: You’re in Hawaii; you’ve already won the lottery.
Pogonip
@raven: It’s clear to me. Beer. Lots and lots of beer.
JPL
IOKIYR.. The Alabama governor denies having an affair with his aide, and I take him at his word. Mediaite has the tape but what woman wouldn’t want to hear this, except me “when I stand behind you and I put my arms around you and I put my hands on your breasts.”
The fine folk of Alabama won’t care because he is a good Christian.
JMG
It’s simple. There are a lot of assholes in this country and Trump promises to give the country back to them. At least one of his Cabinet members would end up running a meth lab, in or out of office.
raven
@Major Major Major Major: Nope, right up the road up to Munore!
muddy
@lamh36: Horrible. I’m sorry you have to go through that. I was lucky it wasn’t a boss or a customer, might not have gone so well.
@Pogonip: Indeed. I couldn’t buy it without the 40% discount. It is good quality though. I thought I had decent flannel sheets until I got some at VCS and they were velvet compared to Bounce dryer sheets.
Miss Bianca
@raven:
Da…fug…?!
Kay
You guys should read the NeverTrumpers. Cheer you right up.
They want Kasich to drop out to “consolidate support” behind Ted Cruz.
They insist the one electable candidate drop out immediately.
raven
@Miss Bianca: That ain’t shit compared to the audio of the Governor of Alambamy!
Mingobat f/k/a Karen in GA
@raven:
A lawnmower, explosives and guns. Who needs a reason?
Betty Cracker
@raven: Damn, he’s a low-down lying snake, even for a Republican, huh?
Ruckus
Today was the first day that someone at work asked me who I liked for president. I said Clinton and why. Then we talked about how bad tRump is and I was told that Sanders is an idiot who will never get anything done. I asked who this person liked. He didn’t like any of them. I said OK who do you think will be able to actually run the country, because it’s going to be one of the 5 left in the race. Never did get an answer. I think everyone knows that I’m a liberal, in fact the guy who asked the questions has an Annoy a Liberal license plate frame on his vehicle. But he is far from a current day right winger and someone I think who can be won over. He’s young and hasn’t spent much time thinking about politics at all.
Miss Bianca
@raven:
You’re scaring me, man…
No, no…it’s America that’s scaring me. You are but one of many messengers…
ETA: Did you actually *listen* to the audio? Brave man. But then, you listen to morning teevee, don’t you? You must have guts of solid brass!
raven
@Miss Bianca: Don’t get scared, get even!
superpredators4hillary
Man up, masochist.
rikyrah
@jl:
I have said it before:
They long for the delusional world of Mad Man.
The world where they pretend that it was some meritocracy; that they were big fish in a big pond, when the truth is that they were fish in a pond where 90% of the rest of the fish were in sardine cans.
Well, the cans are open, and nobody is going back in them. Period.
Mnemosyne
@raven:
I’m pretty sure it will turn out that alcohol was involved in the decision-making process.
SiubhanDuinne
Here is President Awesome Awe-bama dancing a fucking TANGO at the Argentinian state dinner tonight.
Because when you’re the most powerful man in the world with your finger on the Button, what you want to do in your spare time is take fucking TANGO lessons.
This man can do anything. ANY. THING.
raven
@Mnemosyne: And Jaysus.
patroclus
So Bentley, at least, had phone sex with his top female aide, but he denies a real affair because he doesn’t think anyone can prove it. And she’s apparently being paid hundreds of thousands of dollars from unknown sources. Is that the gist of this Appalachian Trail incident involving yet another Republican governor?
different-church-lady
Here in Boston we just assume that if strangers talk to us, it’s going to be bad.
raven
@SiubhanDuinne: Michelle had her brother take him out to play hoop to determine if he was worthy. . .is is.
different-church-lady
@raven:
“DO I HAVE TO EXPLAIN EVERY SINGLE DAMN THING IN THE WORLD TO YOU PEOPLE? JAY-SUS…”
Miss Bianca
@Mnemosyne:
As in, “hold my beer, watch this”?
Tara the Antisocial Social Worker
@LAO:
My dad’s not really wacky, he’s from an era when there were non-crazy Republicans. He started off supporting the Iraq War, but was reality-based enough to see when it turned into a disaster. He was disgusted with Jeb Bush over the Schiavo thing, and he voted for Obama twice.
But he also has this weird hatred for Hillary Clinton, and even complained that she “lied about Benghazi!” Mom and I both needed crowbars to pry our jaws up off the floor.
Baud
@SiubhanDuinne: Heh. Next up, the lambada!
SiubhanDuinne
@raven:
I remember that. Best. Vetting. Ever.
SiubhanDuinne
@Baud:
It’s almost Easter. I’m holding out for the Bunny Hop.
Kay
It’s also bizarre that all the establishment ire is directed at John Kasich, who had nothing to do with any of what got them here while Ted Cruz was the leader of the crazies until Trump showed up.
catclub
@Mingobat f/k/a Karen in GA: Today I was signaling a left turn at the light. person in oncoming lane arrived at light about 1/5 second after I did, but I know he has right of way so I wait, he waits a little, then he signals his own left turn. idjit
raven
@SiubhanDuinne: You can learn a lot about someone on the court!
Honus
@muddy: I get their catalogs. We buy some stuff but I’ll make a point to buy more from them now. Please tell your employers that.
different-church-lady
@jl:
Actually, I’m still considering Bernie…
Baud
@Kay: How does it feel to be Kasich’s biggest cheerleader? ;-)
scav
@raven:
Well, clearly, it it only went off 1/10th of much as it promised to, he’d be glad he shot it.
greennotGreen
@superpredators4hillary: Actually, I suspect all the Republicans could pass a polygraph. I think in order to fail you have to have a conscience.
Baud
Rachel just had a real reporter on. It was incredible.
Ruckus
@Baud:
Been pretty damn sick for the last 3 weeks and am finally feeling better. So I also decided that I can’t read or watch much of any news program or even know about elections. I will vote when it’s my turn and hopefully things will turn out OK. If not, what the hell can I do about it? But making myself stroke out/stress out/etc every day seems to be counter productive. Have had one thought though, 49 yrs ago I made a decision that I would not seek political refuge in Canada. I’m beginning to think that might have been a mistake. Of course hindsight is 20-20.
different-church-lady
@Baud: How’d the censors let that through?
LAO
@Tara the Antisocial Social Worker: then we are definitely not related. ?
a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)
@Kay:
I’m sure as hell gonna encourage them in that effort. For all the reasons you know.
Baud
@different-church-lady: I think the suits must have fired the censors to save money.
lamh36
OT, but your I love my Prez! We’ll all miss him when he’s out office…the cool will def leave with him…
Jim, Foolish Literalist
@Kay: Ed Kilgore had a write up on the today:
ETA: Based on what little of MSNBC I’ve allowed myself the last couple of days, Tweety has evangelized his man-crush. Brian Williams called his scolding of Obama and his vow to hold photo-ops when terr’rist attack take place in foreign countries when he’s president of this one, Williams said Kasich “went high presidential” in his response. I’m sure Andrea Mitchell swooned, too.
gogol's wife
@SiubhanDuinne:
Carlos Gardel, Por una cabeza!
He really doesn’t want that lady to put her leg around him. Poor Barack, he looks quite uncomfortable.
a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)
@SiubhanDuinne: Can you even imagine what the RWNJs are gonna do with that ending? 7500 gifs by 9AM Eastern.
@Jim, Foolish Literalist: Kasich as a nasty piece of work is almost an understatement. Skin as thin as tissue paper as well.
catclub
@NickM: I agree on all they have done, but it was a bridge too far to go for electoral votes by congressional district in blue states governed by the GOP – like Ohio, Wisconsin, Virginia, Michigan. They dropped that plan.
(there are probably no red states governed by Democrats to go tit for tat.)
gogol's wife
@a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q):
Inorite?
NotMax
Oooh. Thunderstorms moving through overhead.
Can actually feel the air temperature dropping.
jl
@Kay: I would prefer a GOP candidate who is a likely loser, but relatively safe in the sense that not likely to get mass quantities of people killed, jailed, and/or broke, and not commit war crimes. Willard Romney was an outstanding GOP candidate in that respect.
This year the GOP presents a dilemma. The safest one is Kasich, (though he is probably loonier than Romney on policy substance), but he has the best chance of winning. Cruz seems almost as dangerous as Trump.
I guess I will stand mute and let the GOP decide. Though, I guess if a person like Kasich came out of a contested convention, there would be such a mess in the GOP ranks, even a fake moderate like Kasich would be a sure loser.
BillinGlendaleCA
@Baud:
Unpossible, they don’t exist.
aimai
@Baud: Yup. That was very, very, special.
amk
don’t lie, cole. you did punch the fucker, right?
a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)
@gogol’s wife: @gogol’s wife: He looks like he just wants to be beamed up. It also appeared that he may have asked her not to – he clearly said something to her before.
Kay
@Jim, Foolish Literalist:
God, tell me about it. He’s a completely different person. I don’t know though- aren’t they supposed to be professionals? They’re offended so Kasich must be punished? I’m all for it, but it seems a little personal and insular especially because of the alternative, who is also hated by all of them and is more loathsome to normal people.
jl
@lamh36: Thanks. That was cute. Barack can do a plausible walk-through version of the tango. It was a very presidential tango, with appropriate gravitas. Looks like Michelle can actually dance it, at least a little.
Mike J
@Baud:
I stood 100 feet away from Hillary last night when she said it was immoral. Yes, she also said it didn’t work, but you can’t say she opposes it for the wrong reason.
Honus
@Pogonip: that’s good. Because tannerite requires a high velocity round to detonate.
Baud
@Mike J:
I think the example in that post was based on a call in she did to one of the talk shows.
SiubhanDuinne
@a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q):
Just proves that Hillary must NEVER be President.
Felonius Monk
I trust you accidentally backed over him in the parking lot after you knocked him down with your grocery cart.
Baud
@aimai: Right. Critiquing her response is one thing, but to compare her to Trump on this issue is truly unhinged.
Kay
@jl:
Too late for that. Kasich was supposed to do well “in the midwest”, not just Ohio and he isn’t. Now he says “the east” or perhaps “California”. You’re getting the high risk candidates, but think of the reward! They could lose spectacularly.
Ivan X
@SiubhanDuinne: Except throw a baseball. His three-pointer more than made up for that, though.
Mike J
@Ivan X:
When ESPN asked him about throwing out first pitches, he was pretty funny about it. And he credited the catcher with preventing him from throwing it in the dirt.
Honus
@srv: either John Goodman or The Rock, depending on which way you want to go. PSH would be perfect, but he’s gone.
Davebo
@Ivan X:
I’d love for a president to work on a curve ball just for such occasions. A knuckle ball would be great too.
SiubhanDuinne
@Ivan X:
Well, ya know, when I said he could do ANYTHING, I didn’t mean he could do EVERYTHING. Why are you putting words in my mouth and ramming words down my throat and throwing my words under the bus?
Steve in the ATL
@Baud: LGM is getting a little to firebaggy these days. I’m running out of refuges besides BJ.
muddy
@Honus: I will, thanks. It’s a decent place to work.
Technocrat
Hilarious, John!
Except for the parking lot bit. Screw parking lot arrows. Parking lot arrows are nothing but little moral dilemmas in paint. Oh, a space opened 20 feet behind me, but I have to move forward? Uhhhhh, does backing up count?
Or, a space opens up in the row to my left but the arrow points right? Seriously, I have to drive away from the single goddamn space in 200 yards?
Yeah, I don’t need the grief. I just pretend I don’ t see ’em.
different-church-lady
@Baud:
Right — sane people would be comparing her to Satan.
Honus
@muddy: we’ve been getting that catalog for years. It’s a bit bit pricey, but not too bad. And they have good stuff. The fact that it’s a good place to work makes it easier to order stuff.
different-church-lady
ROTATING TAG LINE!!!!!!!!!
(Which needs to be returned to its proper position at the top of the page, I might add…)
Aleta
Likely this has been posted, but
Obama dancing the tango m.youtube.com/watch?v=hjRIFeyE0-0&time_continue=105&ebc=ANyPxKqRUdebFSLj9H8j-Jt_0UIPFag7Zo…
Ruckus
@jl:
Kasich is not a moderate. I’ll repeat. Kasich is NOT a moderate. He sort of sounds like one, only because he is in the presence of outright loons. Do not be fooled, a Kasich administration would be a fucking disaster. Maybe not an epic fucking disaster, like the tRump or little teddy, but a fucking disaster non the less.
Think of it this way, he’s a true believer but not a true believer talker. And that makes him dangerous. People think he’s moderate because he sounds like he isn’t quite as big a loon as his fellow repubs.
Ivan X
@different-church-lady: It certainly shouldn’t come under the header RANDOM QUOTE. Kind of takes the lulz out of it.
Omnes Omnibus
@different-church-lady: (
And needs to lose the stupid random quote label.
NotMax
@Technocrat
Sure that people backing out of a space, who have a reasonable expectation of no vehicles approaching from the other direction, really appreciate that.
Amaranthine RBG
Cole,
If you haven’t already, you really should go to you tube and watch The video for David Foster Wallace’s, This Is Water.
It is made for people who had a day like yours.
Matt McIrvin
@Keith G:
I really literally am not sure of that. I think this particular election has a greater potential to kill a large number of Americans than any I’ve seen in a long time.
Bill Arnold
@raven:
Was the lawnmower running at the time? Not that it would matter much.
Sheesh. As a kid I made batches of nice safe thermite with aluminum powder. Tannerite didn’t exist, fortunately, though the combination did.
Technocrat
@NotMax:
Assuming they even notice the blur that is me taking their space.
ETA: My parking lot stretches to nearly 300 yards from the main building, and is usually near capacity. No quarter is asked or given.
Ruckus
@Technocrat:
Do you drive on the wrong side of the road when it’s clear and your side isn’t? Drive the wrong way down one way streets because you don’t want to go around the block to get to your house? Run red lights because you are in a hurry and fuck everyone else?
Just asking.
stinger
@Steve in the ATL: Same here.
Omnes Omnibus
@Ruckus: Ah, you’ve driven in Bucharest.
Technocrat
@Ruckus:
Assuming I am running enough of a fever to mistake a street or highway for a parking lot, yeah I might.
Ruckus
@Omnes Omnibus:
No but I have driven in NY and in Boston. And ridden in a cab in Naples, Italy.
Ruckus
@Technocrat:
It was a rhetorical question but thanks for confirming. BTW what state do you live in, for future reference?
Technocrat
@Ruckus:
The one with crunching sounds coming from the parking lots. Obvs.
Miss Bianca
@Steve in the ATL:
Tel me about it. They’re almost to the point of Charlie Pierce’s “Crazy Uncle Liberty” rule…
They can go for five minutes sounding reasonable and then suddenly they say something about HRC that just makes you go, “Wha’?!”
muddy
@Honus: One of the more interesting benefits is free fruit and local milk while at work. Also the food they sell which is close to expiration they give to the local food shelf instead of chucking it. No one will get rich working there, but there are a lot of extras.
dww44
@lamh36: I agree with absolutely everything you wrote,. Lots of us whites of a certain age and station and locale don’t really think when we are in mixed public spaces. I’m curious, though, did you say anything to him to cause him to think? I was hoping to read that you had and his eyes got big and he realized that he’d been a racist idiot and maybe even apologized to you.
different-church-lady
@Miss Bianca: I just read it for the OLDMAN CAT entries.
mclaren
@Kathleen:
You mean “bot crap” like “Yes we can!” and “Hope and change!”?
Let’s not forget that today’s disillusioned nihilistic political climate is also brought to you by Barack Obama, the politician who ran on transformative change…and who wound up signing off on Bush’s tax cuts for billionaires, agreeing to Bush’s illegal panoptical warantless wiretapping, and who ended up expanding Bush’s illegal unwinnable endless foreign wars of aggression.
Mike J
@Ruckus:
I’ve driven multiple blocks through the Back Bay in reverse, but with the car pointing in the legal one way street direction.
different-church-lady
@mclaren: I think she meant bot crap like this.
mclaren
A disorder that causes the individual to fly off the handle unexpectedly, as in road rage, has been significantly linked with toxoplasmosis, a parasite commonly associated with cat feces, according to the Journal of Clinical Psychiatry.Biology (medicalnewstoday.com)
Seriously, John. You ought to read this article:
Source: “People with ‘rage’ disorder twice as likely to have toxoplasmosis,” March 2016.
Technocrat
@different-church-lady:
I love that I clicked on your link and got mc-rolled
Omnes Omnibus
@mclaren: Do you have cats?
Tom
@gogol’s wife: He’s only concerned what will happen with her when Michelle finds out. Just looking out for his dance partner’s safety.
different-church-lady
@Omnes Omnibus: And more importantly, are you ingesting the feces?
Omnes Omnibus
@different-church-lady: I have no cats and I am not knowingly ingesting cat feces.* I can’t speak for mclaren.
*I got food from McD’s yesterday.
redshirt
@Omnes Omnibus: MONSTER!!!
Signed, Hillary.
Steve in the ATL
@raven: Oh God, Walton County. I had to go to a hearing there once. The judge didn’t like my client’s discovery responses so he tried to throw me in jail, primarily because my address was Peachtree Street in Atlanta. They don’t cotton to city slickers out there. I found out the next day that my wife had anticipated this and had a lawyer and bailbondsman lined up for me in advance!
Ruckus
@Omnes Omnibus:
I always thought that was the same difference.
mclaren
@different-church-lady:
Standard operating procedure for an Obot like yourself to redefine any statement of Barack Obama’s actual actions in office as “bot crap.” Why should we be surprised? After all, if you ask a dog if an ass smells great, it’s going to say “Yeah!”
Omnes Omnibus
@Ruckus: It may or may not be. Hence my use of “knowingly.”
mclaren
@Omnes Omnibus:
Not a chance. No cats, no dogs.
different-church-lady
@mclaren: I voted for Jill Stein, jackass.
dww44
@Steve in the ATL: I agree that there aren’t many refuges besides BJ these days. Not Booman’s place, not LGM. Not Salon, of course. But, hey, have any of you caught Garrison Keillor’s op-eds at the Washington Post.? He’s written two in the last couple of weeks and I certainly hope this means he’s back in the business cause his work is very good. Commenters at those two pieces agree. Here’s a link to one of them.. He’s written another a couple of days ago, but it doesn’t come up when I google
washingtonpost.com/opinions/garrison-keillor-think-moving-abroad-will-save-you-from-trump-think-agai…
Ruckus
@Omnes Omnibus:
That’s a fairly lawyerly semi non response isn’t it?
Omnes Omnibus
@Ruckus: Perhaps.
Steve in the ATL
@dww44: Love his stuff, as well as Bill Moyers and Paul Krugman. The comments, though…oy vey (I’m not Jewish but I am a lawyer, so it’s pretty much the same thing).
Ruckus
@Omnes Omnibus:
LOL
Thanks I needed that.
chopper
@Omnes Omnibus:
well played.
redshirt
@mclaren: So, “down” tonight.
I wonder if there’s a pattern. I’m tracking….
Omnes Omnibus
@Ruckus: @chopper: That word got me into a fight in basic training.
Ruckus
@Omnes Omnibus:
You were a lawyer before the army?
Omnes Omnibus
@Ruckus: No, law school was post army. Some dumb kid from Las Vegas asked me if I thought I was smarter than he was. Our IQ difference was probably about 50 points. I responded with “perhaps.” He did not take it well. He was a very good boxer. I was three inches taller with a six inch longer reach. Nothing came of the fight.
Miss Bianca
@different-church-lady:
Word. OLDMAN CAT rules.
Frankensteinbeck
@Steve in the ATL:
I was raised Jewish. Not only are you right, but I suspect Rabbi Litvin would get a chuckle out of that joke.
Ruckus
@Omnes Omnibus:
Always good to have the advantage over a lunkhead.
Had a good kid who worked for me who boxed amateur in the Olympic auditorium in LA. He kept coming in on Mondays looking like he’d lost to a pro or a street gang. I offered to shadowbox him, just to see what he had. It wasn’t speed, timing, reach or concepts. I suggested another sport.
ASV
The punchline doesn’t even make sense, FFS!
NR
@Kay: Don’t believe the NeverTrump hype. Everyone spouting that line now will support him in November. Some will do so right after he becomes the nominee. Others will wait until Hillary makes some milquetoast, middle-of-the-road statement about policy, at which point they will declare that she has Just Gone Too Far This Time and announce that they have to vote for Trump to keep her out. But every single one of them will support him in the end.
nastybrutishntall
@muddy: Fuck yes! You’re an American hero. It’s people like you who make shit better. Thank you for your service.
Frivolous
Poor John Cole. Excellent and very funny post, though. I mean the entire thing, not just the anecdote about can’t punch the old.
If it matters, I, too, have thought there are just too many people and have wanted massive depopulation.
Susan K of the tech support
OMG. you are SO OBVIOUSLY not from California where we have a drought and some of us shower less often than we used to because drought.
Did I say drought?
Did I say shower less often?
Why yes, I did.
Loviatar
Quick question for John Cole and the other former Republicans.
Do you take any blame for the current state of the Republican party and by extension the country?
Even though its been approximately 7 years since John has changed parties (2007) he was still a republican well after it turned into its current hateful, racist, misogynistic self.
Just a wondering question.
Kay Eye
@lamh36: You are mistaken. These old white folks of a certain age and mindset know exactly what they are doing and saying. They glory in delivering the insulting comments because they can count on the rest of us to stand before them and accept it meekly or just turn away. I know this because I am one of that old gray white-skinned tribe and I have watched them in action and have learned what to say back without starting a screaming war.
Of course Miss Manners gave the best advice. You react with an incredulous “What did you say?” They’ll either repeat it, giving you a chance to register refined dismay, or say “Oh, I didn’t say anything,” at which point you reply, “I was sure I misunderstood you.”
During the ’08 campaign my husband and I walked for Obama until our kneecaps were ground down. Phone banks and money thereafter. And plenty of our tribe are liberal, even radical socialists, but haven’t learned to listen to what we say to and around others. It’s white entitlement and needs to be confronted sans John Cole’s specialty, bellicosity, which I hope gets dumped into BJ more often than in the grocery line.
Matt McIrvin
@Miss Bianca: It’s not all of the posters at LGM. I think it’s mostly just Paul Campos who is going around the bend. Erik Loomis is a big Bernie supporter and Hillary being in the lead has him down, but Loomis is basically rational; he’s always been one of the leftiest people there, he backs up most of the things he says with solid research, and he has vocal contempt for all the Salonpitches about throwing the election if Bernie isn’t the one. I can respect where he’s coming from. Campos, though, is getting hard to read.
J R in WV
@RSA:
Alright, OK, another WV joke.
Fellow from NYC dies, was a real mensch, goes to the Pearly Gates for admission. St Peter says, “Welcome, welcome, I’m not busy, so I can take you around and show you the sights!”
So they stroll around, big fountains with groups singing wonderful music, huge vistas with well-lit mountain ranges and photogenic cloud banks, etc.
Then the guy notices, way off in the distance, there’s a beautiful island, with wonderful beaches, waterfalls and pools, lots of people hanging out chatting and laughing. But there’s a huge, tall fence around the whole beautiful place… So he asks St Peter about what’s with the big fence.
Who says “Oh, that’s just for the folks from West Virginia. They keep trying to go back home on the weekends!”
Paul in KY
@lamh36: He went on that rant, because of your appearance. You may consider him to be a POS.
Paul in KY
@muddy: Good job! No one should have to put up with that shit at work.
Paul in KY
@raven: I would say alcohol was involved…
Paul in KY
@Ruckus: He’s a Trumpite.
Paul in KY
@Technocrat: Depends on whether the spots are angled or not. If the spots are angled in a way that assumes one will be coming from one particular direction, then backing up is reckless & a dick move (IMO, also assuming a crowded parking lot).
Obviously, when no one is there you can do what the hell you want.
Paul in KY
@Ruckus: I know several Democrats who are Kasich-curious. None of these are Hillary fans, I will note.
Paul in KY
@Loviatar: He should be very chagrined, at least.