Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

This year has been the longest three days of putin’s life.

“woke” is the new caravan.

“Cheese and Kraken paired together for the appetizer trial.”

My years-long effort to drive family and friends away has really paid off this year.

When someone says they “love freedom”, rest assured they don’t mean yours.

There is one struggling party in US right now, and it’s not the Democrats.

Whoever he was, that guy was nuts.

Republicans: “Abortion is murder but you can take a bus to get one.” Easy peasy.

It’s the corruption, stupid.

Fuck that bum, let’s go Joe!

Can we lighten up on the doomsday scenarios?

The frogs are rarely mistaken.

with the Kraken taking a plea, the Cheese stands alone.

When we show up, we win.

We’ll be taking my thoughts and prayers to the ballot box.

“Joe Biden deserved better than he got from some folks in his own party.”

Don’t expect peaches from an apple tree.

Battle won, war still ongoing.

It’s a doggy dog world.

I conferred with the team and they all agree – still not tired of winning!

An unpunished coup is a training exercise.

No Justins, No Peace

Since when do we limit our critiques to things we could do better ourselves?

We’re not going back!

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Open Thread: Daydream Believers

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And speaking of happy dreams…

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74Comments

  2. 2.

    Trentrunner

    I’d like to see the corresponding percentages for Dems who would abandon the party if HRC/BS is the nominee.

  3. 3.

    mclaren

    WI exit poll: 39% of Republicans would abandon GOP if Trump is the nominee; 35% would abandon GOP if it’s Cruz.

    Calloo! Calay! O frabjous day!

    [insert, dancing, giving away candy, doing a little jig, Snoopy happy dance, Ren & Stimpy “Happy happy, joy joy” song, etc.]

  10. 10.

    p.a.

    @Mike J: I like your logic. I have a source for free-range eggs, except the owner says his chickens also like cheetos. So my ‘free-range’ eggs have beautiful orange yolks full of trans fats. I can’t win for losing. He also claims the eggs taste cheesy, but I haven’t found that to be so.

  11. 11.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    Glad The Walking Dead wrapped up so Mrs. Greenspan could participate in campaign coverage. She keeps eyeing Chuck Todd but I’m afraid she’s going hungry on that one.

  14. 14.

    Cacti

    @Mike J:

    I forgot. Chickens eat bugs, so probably not vegan. Cows on the other hand, are vegan. Steak and hamburgers, a-ok.

    Nope, beef cattle are mammals. Milk drinkers. Not vegan.

  17. 17.

    a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)

    @Mike J: To be pedantic (everyone is shocked, I’m sure) grass fed cows are vegan, but those me be the only ones that historically could be guaranteed so. The prion disease BSE (mad cow in general popular terms) started with meat fed cattle – that had BSE.

  19. 19.

    danielx

    WI exit poll: 39% of Republicans would abandon GOP if Trump is the nominee; 35% would abandon GOP if it’s Cruz. pic.twitter.com/XpS5lJbftS

    — Sahil Kapur (@sahilkapur) April 6, 2016

    So, is this like the Whigs in 1854 or what? Leaving aside the whole fascism thing, or course.

    @Mike J:

    I have to differ. Wisconsin’s voting procedures and restrictions are about as fucked up as they get, particularly since it was sorta planned that way. Not everyplace is like this, praise Jeebus. Not yet anyway.

    On April 5, when voters cast ballots in Wisconsin’s Republican and Democratic primaries, the state’s controversial voter ID bill will face its biggest test since Governor Scott Walker signed it into law in 2011. For the first time in a major election, citizens will be required to show approved forms of identification in order to vote. The law mandates that the state run a public-service campaign “in conjunction with the first regularly scheduled primary and election” to educate voters on what forms of ID are acceptable.

    But Wisconsin has failed to appropriate funds for the public education campaign. The result is that thousands of citizens may be turned away from the polls simply because they did not understand what form of identification they needed to vote.

  20. 20.

    Heliopause

    Seeing Bill Clinton gardening and doing school lunch menus will be worth the price of admission.

    Forgive me, but fellatio in the broom closet is a lot more interesting than this.

  34. 34.

    ? Martin

    @brettvk:

    Woman in Florida Starbucks yells at Rick Scott, drives him out without his coffee.

    Huh. Betty never struck me as a Starbucks drinker.

  35. 35.

    Mike J

    Phil Elliott ‏@Philip_Elliott 3h3 hours ago
    Per exit polls, there were so few Republican voters under 30, they statistically cannot break down candidate support.

  37. 37.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    I was in the Chick Fil A drivethru behind the only person in America who doesn’t know what Chick Fil A sells. She stares at the menu board for a long while and then leans out her window and yells, “What’s your chicken sandwich called?!”

  38. 38.

    Corner Stone

    @Steeplejack: I saw things…things that defy description.
    But honestly, this primary cycle has made me hate, Hate, HATE so many people here I used to have fun fucking with.
    “Hello, again. Friend of a friend. I knew you when.”

  39. 39.

    Peale

    @Heliopause: Especially since he’s gone Vegan. What would be cool is a kitchen garden that included chickens and cattle. It’s been awhile since there was a white house cow.

  42. 42.

    Adam L Silverman

    @a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q): No, it started with English cows fed protein enhancement pellets that were made from sheep and cow scraps – leftovers from normal slaughter that weren’t sold as lamb or beef products. The English cattle that contracted the disease were fed these pellets on a scheme created by the Tory Party Minister of Agriculture, who was himself a cattle farmer, specifically dairy cows, and stood to, and did, make a profit off this. The diseases jump to humans occurred because a small number of traditional butcher shops in rural England that sold cow brains – a local delicacy – didn’t use proper techniques to sanitize cutting boards and knives after preparing the brains. All the human cases in England cluster around and through these butcheries.

    The only cattle in Britain not infected were in Scotland. The Scottish farmers rejected the scheme.

  44. 44.

    Mike J

    @Peale:

    In 1912, an unnamed Washington Post reporter asked Pauline Wayne, President Taft’s cow, if she was milked by a stranger without her consent, as had been reported. “It is true, Miss Wayne?” the reporter asked the 1,500-pound bovine.

    And to each query, modest Pauline returned from her soft, brown eyes a glance bespeaking reproach and indignation, and a whisk of her tail, which is to say in bovine, with business hauteur: “He did not.”

  45. 45.

    Keith P.

    39% of Republicans would abandon GOP if Trump is the nominee; 35% would abandon GOP if it’s Cruz.

    The kicker is the percentage who would abandon the GOP if it’s *not* Cruz/Trump. Some percentage of each is bluffing, but a lot are not. They’re screwed.

  47. 47.

    Corner Stone

    @Davebo: Just seems like there’s a reversal kind of thing going on.
    As a Sander’s fan, I despair of some of my fellow travelers at times.

  48. 48.

    ? Martin

    @Keith P.: The problem is that the GOP needs to win back either women or Latinos that voted or Obama in 2012. They have no demographic path to victory without that.

    I don’t see how either Cruz or Trump do that. GOP had a -6 gap from men to women, Dems a +14 gap per the exit polls. Since women represent 53% of voters, I don’t see any possible way for the GOP to make the demographics work.

  50. 50.

    Mnemosyne

    @? Martin:

    I saw a poll today that said over 70 percent of women hate Trump. That means there’s a sizable chunk of white women who hate him, too.

  51. 51.

    SFAW

    @? Martin:

    Huh. Betty never struck me as a Starbucks drinker.

    Look closer. Do you see a Starbucks cup (or whatever cutesie name Starbucks gives to the receptacles into which the coffee is poured) in her hand, or anywhere near her?

    So, until we hear Betty deny that it was she, it’s still an open issue.

    ETA: So, of course, while I’m typing, Betty jumps in to (in essence) deny it. Thanks, Obama.

  52. 52.

    gene108

    @? Martin:

    It happens now and again. Somewhat reported case of a PA lawmaker stating ID laws would deliver the stare to Romney in 2012.

    The people already outraged know ID laws are a con job to help Republicans win.

    The people, who support ID laws know it’s a con job to help Republicans win.

    Those who are undecided probably do not vote very often, if at all, and therefore their interests can be ignored by politicians.

    Edit: The media is officially undecided about ID, because they are cowards scared to confront the GOP daddy or maybe they support keeping “those people” from voting.

  53. 53.

    Adam L Silverman

    @Betty Cracker: That woman is likely to be arrested for assaulting a public official. We need to be honest about Rick Scott and how he and his people operate. They are vindictive. And they are sneaky. And his plainclothes security was clearly considering arresting her on the spot until they noticed that someone else was recording the incident on his cellphone. That woman in the grey pantsuit – she’s a plainclothes officer. Notice how she moves towards the woman in a deliberate manner until she notices they’re being filmed?

  54. 54.

    Mike J

    @Mnemosyne:

    I saw a poll today that said over 70 percent of women hate Trump. That means there’s a sizable chunk of white women who hate him, too.

    Republican exit polls showed no gender gap. (Chart is from the grauniad’s exit poll)

  55. 55.

    I'mNotSureWhoIWantToBeYet

    @Mike J: Didn’t someone here post something about cows eating chickens. Like it was a great treat or something?

    E.g.…

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  56. 56.

    SFAW

    @Mnemosyne:

    I saw a poll today that said over 70 percent of women hate Trump.

    I didn’t realize he had been married (or in a “relationship”) so many times. Guy gets around.

    Somehow, I don’t think the Teddy Bears were singing about him

  58. 58.

    pseudonymous in nc

    @? Martin: the primary season is a good indication of just how fucked voter ID and the shitting over of the Voting Rights Act will be in November. All bets are off, and a large part of the Dem nominee’s campaign budget will need to go towards getting people un-disenfranchised, which is probably what the GOP want.

    Wisconsin is a crying shame, because that was a state that institutionally believed in free and fair elections until Scottie Wanker and the Kochs showed up and determined that free and fair elections were a bad idea, and that the southern states which never institutionally believed in free and fair elections were better for doing so.

  59. 59.

    Adam L Silverman

    @Prescott Cactus: Depends how far Scott wants to push it. Its possible he doesn’t push it at all. But everything I know about it him makes me think he won’t be that smart. Perhaps one of his senior advisors will step in and keep him in check.

  63. 63.

    Mnemosyne

    @Mike J:

    Also, if you’ve seen any of the Democratic exit poll data by gender, I’d be curious to see how that’s breaking down. It looks like there are slightly more Republican men voting than Republican women in that poll, but IIRC there’s usually a slight majority of women who vote in the general election.

  64. 64.

    ? Martin

    @Mike J:

    Republican exit polls showed no gender gap. (Chart is from the grauniad’s exit poll)

    Doesn’t mean anything. Voter turnout was 40% (pretty high). Let’s assume equal turnout between parties. That means that 20% of voters participated in the GOP primary (20% in the Dem). 47% of the GOP voters were women, so about 19% of women voters voted Republican. Trump got 35% of them, or about 6.6% of Wisconsin women voters. That’s well inside the 30% that don’t hate him.

  67. 67.

    Mnemosyne

    @Mike J:

    That’s what I suspected — there were more women voting Democratic than men, at a very similar gender split. The Republican gender gap is going to be a major problem in the general election. I wouldn’t be surprised if white women swing towards the Democrats if the alternative is Trump or Cruz.

  69. 69.

    Prescott Cactus

    Adam L Silverman by Optimistic a Prescott Cactus

    dot gov strategist
    Long view and concise answers
    Bundy Revealer

  71. 71.

    Hill Dweller

    The Warriors are going to OT at home with the lowly Timberwolves. The Celtics broke their 54 game home winning streak last week, and it looks like they’re going to lose again tonight. The Warriors(especially Curry) have looked worn down the last few weeks. Unless they can get some rest between now and the start of the playoffs, they’re going to have all sorts of problems getting to the Western Conference Finals. Unfortunately, a loss tonight will likely force them to have to keep playing starters to clinch home court throughout the playoffs.

  73. 73.

    NonyNony

    @Mike J:

    When people say that journalism now is abnormally bad, I point to things like this. Journalism now is reverting to the mean – and the mean is terrible. We had about 30-40 years post-WWII that were an outlier as far as journalism is concerned (my theory is that its due to the impact of television/radio and FCC regulations on television/radio changing expectations for what good journalism was supposed to be nationwide in almost an instant). But journalism left to its own devices is far more like Gawker historically than it is anything else.

  74. 74.

    Paul in KY

    @Adam L Silverman: I almost wish he had arrested her, because that would have made it blow up in his face even more.

    For the brave woman & family’s sake, glad it didn’t happen.

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