Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

It may be funny to you motherfucker, but it’s not funny to me.

We’re not going back!

Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Hi god, it’s us. Thanks a heap, you’re having a great week and it’s only Thursday!

As long as McCarthy is Speaker, the House will never be in order.

Within six months Twitter will be fully self-driving.

I’d like to think you all would remain faithful to me if i ever tried to have some of you killed.

I really should read my own blog.

I did not have this on my fuck 2022 bingo card.

You don’t get to peddle hatred on saturday and offer condolences on sunday.

Never entrust democracy to any process that requires republicans to act in good faith.

“Can i answer the question? No you can not!”

Republicans do not pay their debts.

Sadly, there is no cure for stupid.

Jack be nimble, jack be quick, hurry up and indict this prick.

Imperialist aggressors must be defeated, or the whole world loses.

Following reporting rules is only for the little people, apparently.

How can republicans represent us when they don’t trust women?

I didn’t have alien invasion on my 2023 BINGO card.

if you can’t see it, then you are useless in the fight to stop it.

Reality always lies in wait for … Democrats.

Despite his magical powers, I don’t think Trump is thinking this through, to be honest.

Is it irresponsible to speculate? It is irresponsible not to.

The worst democrat is better than the best republican.

You are here: Home / Politics / Domestic Politics / Fuck you, iPhone!

Fuck you, iPhone!

by | 104 Comments

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I was scrolling through the vast collection of crappy photos stored on my phone when I came across this picture I took of my sister’s mutt during a recent road trip:

not selfie

The gap in the seats isn’t quite wide enough to fit both ears. But here’s what pisses me off: It was auto-filed under “selfies.” Fuck you, iPhone! That doesn’t look a thing like me!

I’ve been enjoying poor health this week. Nothing serious, and easily remedied, my physician assures me. But my condition is regrettably curtailing my social life. I’m piled up on the sofa with the dogs watching baseball instead of hanging out with humans. Probably just as well.

What are y’all up to this evening? Open thread!

Reader Interactions

104Comments

  2. 2.

    PsiFighter37

    Back from Miami after a short work trip. I don’t know how folks who fly all the time for work do it…I’m pretty tired just after a couple days, and this was not all that intense either!

    The plan for the evening is to relax and unwind. Did a quick bit of yoga but am otherwise just taking it easy.

  5. 5.

    ThresherK (GPad)

    The place I’ve been working at for six weeks (salary partly paid from a DofL placement program) is taking me on full-time! I’m celebrating by being sick with a cold, but the news is welcome.

  6. 6.

    Terry chay

    Which camera did you use to take the photo. The front one?

    My thinking is maybe you were shooting it looking back and the camera metadata from the different camera is what triggers the filing in the iPhone, not the subject.

  7. 7.

    a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)

    @Major Major Major Major: Go you indeed!
    I’m having a wine glass filled with what looks at a casual glance to be red wine. It is in fact a 52/48 combination of water and cranberry/pomegranate juice (+ grape/cherry, etc, but no HFSC or other added sugar). It was my choice over the rather tasty red called Alias offered by Mr. Q.

  8. 8.

    cmorenc

    I WAS supposed to be out with my telescopes helping with a public astronomical observing session at a county park – but it’s hopelessly socked-in cloudy tonight, so I’m at home, contemplating whether to go out for a movie instead. But I’ve already seen everything of promising interest that’s currently out, including Zootopia and the Big Short. Which is precisely why at 8:45 pm I’m at home by my computer in-position to reply to your thread, Betty – not anything like where I’d hoped or expected to be tonight.

  12. 12.

    the Conster, la Citoyenne

    Back to back memorial services today and tomorrow. Today’s was for a 100 year old woman who died sitting up on her divan dressed for dinner, after she had finished mailing all of her cards and letters and notes to her family and friends like she did every day, and which showed up in the mail after she died. Tomorrow’s is for a high school friend who died too young.

  13. 13.

    Poopyman

    @cmorenc: Our monthly observing session is tomorrow night, when it’s expected to snow here in balmy Southern MD. We tend to curse at least one weekend a month with bad weather. One year, the single day impacted by a hurricane was our observing night.

    @Major Major Major Major: Go you, indeed. Kudos for taking action for your long- and short-term well-being.

    (Hyphenated out, I am.)

  14. 14.

    Aimai

    Watching izombie with my youngest daughter while waiting for the oldest to come home frim college for the weekend. Tomorrow they go to see Arcadia while i go to the admitted students day for my msw. Then its hime to a 99th birthday party for a neighbor.

  24. 24.

    PaulWartenberg2016

    Florida-Related Schadenfreude:

    Rick “No Ethics” Scott’s run-in with an angry voting mom at Starbucks so apparently rattled him and his handlers that they released a retaliatory attack ad on her. On one person out of millions in the state who hate his guts.

    FEELING A LITTLE TOUCHY THERE, ARE WE RICK?!?!

    Makes me feel angry and upset, because I’ve been insulting this Medicare Fraud FOR YEARS and the bastard never made at attack ad against me. /sniff /whimper As though I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH for an attack ad… /cries

  25. 25.

    Prescott Cactus

    @efgoldman:

    I’m old enough to remember when Republiklowns weren’t all perverts.

    I’m old enough that I remember my parents freaking out about Hippies and Yippies and what would this country be like when they were in charge.

    Now I yearn for the youth of this rise up, blockade the warehouses of Metamucil & Ensure and grab the helm !

  27. 27.

    J R in WV

    Well, we’re kind of taking it easy today. Wednesday we saw the surgeon who did Mrs J’s knee. He’s a great guy, came to us with a Resident Dr, asked Mrs J to bend her knee as far as she could. Said to the Resident, “Isn’t that phenomenal?” regarding how far she could bend her knee, like 120+ degrees.

    Then Thursday we went to PT and the therapist, near the end of the therapy said “That’s terrific!” about Mrs J’s knee. So slam dunk. But, since she’s working hard, she’s also tired and sore.

    But she’s getting there. Hard work.

  29. 29.

    Germy Shoemangler

    @PaulWartenberg2016: Here’s the attack video:
    http://www.rawstory.com/2016/04/florida-governor-launches-bullying-attack-on-woman-who-criticized-him-at-starbucks/

    In retaliation, the governor’s political action committee, Let’s Get to Work, made a video deriding Jennings as a “latte liberal” and a “terribly rude woman.”

    “That woman clearly has a problem,” the video’s chuckling narrator says. “And it turns out she’s a former government official who refused to recite the Pledge of Allegiance and calls herself an anarchist.”

    The video then mocks her for criticizing the governor on employment, asking “A million jobs? Great, who here has a great job? Or is looking forward to finishing school? Do you really feel like you have a job coming up?”

  32. 32.

    BillinGlendaleCA

    @efgoldman: I’ve been assured that those folk in their 30’s and 40’s are all liberals and everything would be better if we old folk just got on our ice floes.

  33. 33.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @the Conster, la Citoyenne:

    Back to back memorial services today and tomorrow. Today’s was for a 100 year old woman who died sitting up on her divan dressed for dinner, after she had finished mailing all of her cards and letters and notes to her family and friends like she did every day, and which showed up in the mail after she died.

    That’s pretty much how I’d like to go out.

    Tomorrow’s is for a high school friend who died too young.

    I’m already too old to die young.

    Very sorry, seriously, for both losses. It’s always too soon.

  34. 34.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @Poopyman:

    Kudos for taking action for your long- and short-term well-being.

    (Hyphenated out, I am.)

    I only recently learned that the term for that usage is “suspensive hyphenation.”

  35. 35.

    Mike E

    @jeffreyw: Golds make lovely, crispy twice-cooked taters:
    Heat a cooking sheet in a 450°F oven. Cut 2½ lbs of gold potatoes in ½ inch slices; put in dutch pot and cover with salted water with an inch to spare, bring to boil then simmer for 5 mins, drain and place in a large bowl; add 2 Tbl of olive oil and ½ tsp of salt, toss with a silicone spatula; add 2 more Tbl of oil and ½ tsp salt, toss until starchy; take sheet out and drizzle on 1 Tbl of olive oil, place slices on in a single layer (cut side down for ends) and roast for 15-18 mins, rotating halfway; take sheet out and flip slices, then roast another 10-12 mins. Salt and pepper to taste before serving.

  36. 36.

    Mnemosyne

    I was very excited that it rained today, because I got to wear my purple rain boots.

    G gave me a long-suffering look and muttered something about his life being like being married to an 8-year-old.

    Just wait till he sees my bubble umbrella with purple stars on it that I’m bringing to the Festival of Books on Sunday.

  37. 37.

    Schlemazel (parmesan rancor)

    @Poopyman:
    Yes it is.

    Also, the book is up for the Contemporary Fiction award also but the winner is not yet announceds. “Becoming Phoebe” is a really good book.

  38. 38.

    MomSense

    Congratulations to Majorx4, TTP, Thresher, and again to Tom.

    A dear friend who moved away a year ago just came over to visit on her way to visit her daughter at school. It was soooo nice to see her. Now I’m sipping tee, knitting, and listening to woolful podcasts.

    There is a sweet story from several weeks on the woolful website about one of their cows who thinks she’s a dog and ran off with the sheep dogs on a grand adventure. She came home very sick and the dogs kept vigil with her until she recovered. If you like enormous sheep dogs you will love the photos. They are big like Bixby but floofy like Tunch.

  39. 39.

    ? Martin

    Heard a rumor today that NC and MS may have their federal financial aid funding pulled over their discrimination laws.

  40. 40.

    seaboogie

    @Major Major Major Major: Congrats to you! Woot! Woot!

    Without the express intention to do so, I gave up sex for Lent – four years ago. It is sometimes surprising the things that you don’t miss…

  41. 41.

    Mnemosyne

    @MomSense:

    I started swatching for a new sweater yesterday — I’m going to buy one of Amy Herzog’s Custom Fit sweater patterns, but I need to enter swatch information when I buy the pattern so the pattern will automatically match my gauge. Because the tiny wizards inside her computer can make it happen with, like, math and stuff.

  43. 43.

    Ruckus

    @Major Major Major Major:
    Another congrats! 2 down!

    And I love having chronic diseases that no one can figure out. My arm feels like it is on fire. From the inside. I’m sort of used to the random electric shocks, numbness, deep pressure/bone pains, tremors, but this one is new.

  44. 44.

    PhoenixRising

    My mom has developed one of the common complications from a successful surgery for pancreatic cancer (file under Boo…/Yay!). As a result I am taking the overnight to JFK then hopping to CLE. Pray for me. I’m sure she will be fine, as the world famous Cleveland Clinic has her in its clutches and isn’t letting go until her temperature has achieved a stable pattern ((one hopes for 98.6); JetBlue, OTOH…

  47. 47.

    gogol's wife

    I tried to show some students in my office the Patty Duke show intro today. Of course they’d never heard of Patty Duke, Patty Duke show, or anything else. And on Youtube they just have some late Baroque version of the intro, not the classic. So in desperation I googled it, and the BJ post came up, which had the classic version, so I was able to educate the young.

  48. 48.

    MomSense

    @Mnemosyne: She is a great designer and a really nice person. She is originally from Maine and now lives in Mass. Her books are so great especially for people who aren’t sure what styles work with their body type.

    Better knitting through math! I can’t wait to see which pattern and yarn you choose. Madder opened a studio and is hosting a kal with Bristol Ivy on Friday nights starting in May. I think I can actually get there in time to participate. Should be fun.

  51. 51.

    NotMax

    Repeating because, well, it’s a cool concept.

    250 years ago, in 1766, Sweden became the first country in the world to introduce a constitutional law to abolish censorship. To honour this anniversary, Sweden is now the first country in the world to introduce its own phone number. Call today and get connected to a random Swede, anywhere in Sweden and talk about anything you want.
    [snip]
    Sweden is in the GMT+2 time zone, you are welcome to call at anytime, but we might be asleep. Source

  52. 52.

    ? Martin

    @Mike E: I would have to think so. Now, understand that the feds to wield the financial aid stick from time to time, so it may be bullshit, but this came from folks at the state level – not the feds, and they seemed concerned.

  54. 54.

    Prescott Cactus

    @NotMax:

    Nice find!

    They have a US number to avoid different country charges.

    USA +1-301-276-0600 (Maryland)

    Can you imagine talk to an American ? That’s a concept.

  55. 55.

    MomSense

    Feel better, Betty! Most humans are overrated so your canine company is no doubt superior.

  59. 59.

    mawado

    You can upload you pictures to photos.google.com It’s free except for uncompressed images. The search is creepy phenomenal. Doesn’t mistake dogs for selfies. In fact, it can tell the difference between me and my brother. Like I said creepy. I use it on android, so I can’t speak to the iPhone app.

  60. 60.

    PhoenixRising

    @Prescott Cactus:
    …are you my choir director friend who is communicating in haiku for poetry month?

    Because TBH that would freak me out. Please say you’re tone deaf.

    Sentiments appreciated y’all. I’ll know more later in the weekend. This may be nothing or it may be everything that remains. My cousin is meeting me at JFK with food. So I’m taken care of…

  61. 61.

    danielx

    @TaMara (HFG):

    Count your blessings….I spent most of the day outside wrapped in layers. Shell parka, fleece jacket, denim shirt and t shirt. At around 3 during about the fifth wave of sleet of day, I thought ‘I’ve had enough of this shit’, boogied home and went straight to sleep.

    This is April, right? I’m not completely slipping my gears?

  62. 62.

    Prescott Cactus

    @PhoenixRising:

    …are you my choir director friend who is communicating in haiku for poetry month?

    Because TBH that would freak me out. Please say you’re tone deaf.

    No I’m not a choir director, but because this is the internet, you are a friend. I happen to believe that I am tone deaf. My shower doesn’t let me sing in it.

    Someone mentioned haiku and poetry month, and I find that it’s kind of fun.

    Be safe, get rest. Don’t over worry things.

    Positive thoughts to you,

  64. 64.

    Ben Cisco

    Going to go spend tomorrow with the family (Mrs. Cisco’s side). Will be the first time I’ve seen them since the funeral. Particularly looking forward to seeing the grandniece (3) and grandnephew (9).

    As a resident of the People’s Republic of Charlotte (and sentient hew-mon), I’m completely and utterly disgusted by the passage of HB2 and all of its odious provisions. As an earlier poster mentioned, the Democratic Party here is not only sclerotic but neurotic and forever in the thrall of the chase of the mythical Reagan Democrat, who hasn’t voted D since I was in fucking HIGH SCHOOL and won’t no matter how far a conservadem runs from President Obama. #RoyCooperForNCGov

  65. 65.

    a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)

    @SiubhanDuinne: My condolences as well. Too young totally sucks.

    My mother, who didn’t die when terribly old, insisted on sending her traditional mailed gifts of food during Thanksgiving weekend. It would have been unkind to suggest she, um, skip that year due to timing issues. But people enjoyed them, and I got dozens of thank you notes observing that while bittersweet, they were touched that she was so thoughtful and organized to order gifts in time to have them sent. That was her final weekend. Your 100 year old friend reminded me of that. She must have been a treasure.

    I’m especially sorry that you lost someone too young. That sucks.

  66. 66.

    Mnemosyne

    @MomSense:

    I took a custom fit class with her at Vogue Knitting Live last year, so I can say that Amy Herzog personally measured my armhole depth. I would love to go on her West Coast retreat, which is up by Monterey, but I didn’t get it together in time for this year.

  67. 67.

    PaulWartenberg2016

    @Germy Shoemangler:

    The ad claims that Jennings was fleeing the Starbucks in shame, when in fact it was Scott fleeing for his life. Among other lies and exaggerations.

    All against one woman who had the balls to confront him in public.

    I wonder what he’ll be like if he ever goes into a public place again? How easy it would be to rattle his Safe-In-My-Cocoon ass.

    Meanwhile here’s my blog about it.

    http://noticeatrend.blogspot.com/2016/04/we-gotta-go-to-crappy-town-where-im-hero.html

  68. 68.

    a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)

    @PhoenixRising: I hope things are as good as they can be. I wish I could remember who here advised us that for in honor of National Poetry Month, we were each to submit (at least one?) haiku, by April 15. I’ve been hedging my bets, and slightly irritating dear Mr. Omnes, with multiple attempts. Prescott Cactus is doing dandy work in the verse form.
    @Ben Cisco: I will be thinking of you and your bittersweet visit this weekend.

  71. 71.

    Prescott Cactus

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    If a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q) is slightly irritating you, I must be nails on a chalkboard driving you nuts.

    Who started this, I do not know ?

  75. 75.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Tissue Thin Pseudonym: In 2002, a screenplay that a friend and I wrote won honorable mention and the short film we shot was also shown at the Cleveland International Film Fest. Nothing else came of it, but we were still proud of the recognition.

    Now figure out a way to leverage this into sales.

  76. 76.

    a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)

    @Prescott Cactus:
    I cannot recall who gave the directive.

    Cleveland’s quiet and
    It’s cold in Ohio but
    I wish all good night.

  78. 78.

    PhoenixRising

    I think that’s:
    Desert’s quiet & Cleveland’s cold
    So the story ends we’re told

    (Willie Nelson was awarded the Library of Congress songwriter title last month & Roseanne Cash sang ‘Pancho & Lefty’. I swooned. Appropriately.)

    But yes, the desert where I live is quiet. The flight to JFK is also overbooked. But Cleveland expects 3″-8″ overnight & my sister took my advice to buy the FWD instead of wasting gas on a feature she only needs 1 day a year so…this could all still work out.

    Townes van Zandt wrote that song, didn’t he?

  80. 80.

    Prescott Cactus

    @Tissue Thin Pseudonym:

    The next step is to figure out how to leverage that into sales.

    Purchased book yesterday via Kindle.

    Just looked again at it. Amazon (and you?) give a brief description of the book, than to get additional info I had to click “more”. Once I did it showed:

    Becoming Phoebe won a Bronze Medal for Best Regional Fiction – Midwest from the 2016 IPPY Awards.

    If I would not have clicked “more” I never would have known. . . As a non Balloon Juice consumer I would want that info right at the top and let your intro paragraphs further suck me in. Just me. My 2 cents. I’d also add it to your author page at Amazon. Awards are a big deal, especially in the ultra competitive world of writing ! ! !
    Don’t know if you can change that or even if you want to, but… Congrats again and great luck. I’ll write up up review.

  81. 81.

    a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)

    @PhoenixRising: Indeed Townes wrote that song, We had many haiku mashups, featuring its lyrics – okay, I made many such haiku mashups (including one alluding to “Buffalo Bill’s”) – the other night, and then in the Merle Haggard RIP I sort of provoked a Townesfest. I had help though.

    Lots of fans at this joint. I know it’s cold in Cleveburg, as it was known in some places 20+ years ago in a different AFC arrangement, because it’s obnoxiously cold in one of those places. And of course there’s snow, because that city is never considerate. Except perhaps in July of this year, perversely.

    I do hope all is well – such as it can be – with your family up there.

  84. 84.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @efgoldman: Google Trans is apparently useless with Yiddish. The Jews (Okay, Jew) I could bother at this time of night has specifically rejected Yiddish as the language and mindset of the Shetl. I am lost here.

  87. 87.

    a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)

    @Omnes Omnibus: You say that like it’s a bad thing. Clearly I’ve succeeded with very irritating, with so little effort even!

    Also, cool about your short. I was a minor supporting actress in one (mother of the groom) but I got the most set crew credits since I kicked in the most for production:
    Assistant to Ms. Q (my secretary)
    Hair Stylist for Ms. Q (the actual person)
    Security for Ms. Q (a Secret Service agent I’d met at salon credited above)

    Somewhere I’ve got a copy of that. No awards, no jewels, no nothing, but it was great fun.

    The Screenwriter and Director/DP – both pals of mine – went on to make a feature that’s just been revised in plot and edited again in post post. I ran into the DP, who’s back in town, and told me the secret.

  92. 92.

    Mike J

    @Steeplejack:
    A yiddish haiku
    that makes a lot of noise and doesn’t mean anything
    kiss my ass

    Or it could be roses are red. I don’t speak yiddish,

  96. 96.

    a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)

    @Omnes Omnibus: Very cool. I’m sure you were lovely in drag. I wore a dress I’d worn when I won an award (compared by a colleague to Miss Congeniality) the previous year.

    My security detail in her day job was frequently assigned to a traveling POTUS detail though her regular posting was here – can you imagine which POTUS, LOL?

  98. 98.

    Steeplejack

    For any Archer fans whose zeal has been fading, the new season is off to a great start. If you’re a fan, you know about Archer’s answering-machine-message thing. The episode last night had the all-time greatest AMM joke ever. I don’t even like that trope very much, but it was LOL funny.

    New Venture Brothers season has been excellent too, so my snarky-retro-’60s-animation needs are currently being met.

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