Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Too often we hand the biggest microphones to the cynics and the critics who delight in declaring failure.

Well, whatever it is, it’s better than being a Republican.

Come on, media. you have one job. start doing it.

“Just close your eyes and kiss the girl and go where the tilt-a-whirl takes you.” ~OzarkHillbilly

Anne Laurie is a fucking hero in so many ways. ~ Betty Cracker

“I was told there would be no fact checking.”

“Alexa, change the president.”

SCOTUS: It’s not “bribery” unless it comes from the Bribery region of France. Otherwise, it’s merely “sparkling malfeasance”.

But frankly mr. cole, I’ll be happier when you get back to telling us to go fuck ourselves.

Fear and negativity are contagious, but so is courage!

Putin must be throwing ketchup at the walls.

“Until such time as the world ends, we will act as though it intends to spin on.”

This is dead girl, live boy, a goat, two wetsuits and a dildo territory.  oh, and pink furry handcuffs.

Mediocre white men think RFK Jr’s pathetic midlife crisis is inspirational. The bar is set so low for them, it’s subterranean.

When you’re a Republican, they let you do it.

It is possible to do the right thing without the promise of a cookie.

Disagreements are healthy; personal attacks are not.

Balloon Juice, where there is always someone who will say you’re doing it wrong.

Let me file that under fuck it.

I’d like to think you all would remain faithful to me if i ever tried to have some of you killed.

When they say they are pro-life, they do not mean yours.

Sitting here in limbo waiting for the dice to roll

Keep the Immigrants and deport the fascists!

Washington Post Catch and Kill, not noticeably better than the Enquirer’s.

You are here: Home / Elections / Election 2016 / If Trump Wins

If Trump Wins

by | 139 Comments

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The Boston Globe gives a sample front page in Trump’s America:

Ideas-Trump-Front-Page1

Someone really had fun with this, and some of the best stuff is down in the lower right hand corner under the “Inside” section:

NASA engineers halted the launch of an unmanned probe amid fears that its new gold leaf trim would interfere with radio communications. T3

Japanese Emperor Akihito for­ mally censured Ambassador Kid Rock for a speech calling on US allies to “Let the [exple­ tive] business guy run the [ex­ pletive] country like a [exple­ tive] business.” T6

Heavy spring snow closed Trump National Park for the first time since it dropped its loser name, Yellowstone, in January. T7

Education Secretary Omarosa Manigault summoned PBS offi­ cials to Capitol Hill to discuss remaking “Celebrity Appren­ tice” using hand puppets. T8

“A Trumping to Remember,” the president’s first romance novel, was yanked from the shelves after the publisher ac­ knowledged portions were cribbed from a May 1986 edi­ tion of Penthouse. T9

A Trumping to Remember…

Reader Interactions

139Comments

  4. 4.

    Baud

    Nine months after Baud! wins, on the other hand, America will experience is mini baby boom.

  5. 5.

    redshirt

    Hey Cole,

    I hear there’s this page available to the Front Pagers which shows what’s going on.

    Have you ever looked at it? I know it’s not in twitter format, so….

  9. 9.

    Anne Laurie

    Dude, after seeing your title up on the dashboard, I waited over an hour for you to post before giving up & adding my own.

    And then you used my hometown paper to bigfoot me.

  12. 12.

    AkaDad

    Reporter was tackled and dragged away by Secret Service agents after she asked President Trump if his daughter Ivanka was qualified to be Secratary of State.

  14. 14.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @Baud:

    Well, it solves the “what-shall-we-name-the-baby?” question, anyhow.

    Baud for boys.
    Baudelle for girls.

  17. 17.

    burnspbesq

    Wonder what the Sanders version would look like:

    “Judge Blocks Chase Breakup; Bharara, White Resign over ‘Unlawful’ WH Orders.”

  19. 19.

    eemom

    Someone of the proper (left) persuasion on my FB feed fussed and clucked over this, calling it a “shameful abuse of our treasured journalistic freedoms and privileges.” Frankly not sure wtf she meant by that, but I do have a problem with it, in that it perpetuates the bullshit right wing meme of Trump being an outrageous outlier, when what really needs to REPORTED, and all emmessemm have failed disgracefully at REPORTING, is that Cruz and all the rest of them are WORSE. Indeed, I understand this was accompanied by an editorial “urging” the republitards to nominate the “reasonable” Kasich or Ryan.

    In short, fuck the Boston Globe. Cheap clickbait with 0 substance.

  21. 21.

    SiubhanDuinne

    I have never understood what’s so terrible about “bigfooting.” What in the ever-loving blue-eyed world is so hard about scrolling through one post, leaving comments if you wish, checking earlier or later posts, leaving comments there if you wish, checking in again on the original post to see what’s happened since you last weighed in….? It’s not like the new “bigfooting” post erases the one downstairs even if only a couple of minutes have passed.

    What’s the big fuckin’ deal? I truly don’t get all the anger, anguish and Angst.

  26. 26.

    schrodinger's cat

    @Schlemazel (parmesan rancor): I am not laughing. Earlier in the Trump candidacy, we had husband kitteh’s old neighbor from India and her family visit us. Both work for a Pharma giant in Connecticut as chemists and are naturalized citizens, their 8 year old son wanted to know whether he was an anchor baby, when we started discussing Trump. This shit is not funny at all.

  29. 29.

    WaterGirl

    @redshirt: I really don’t get why you guys care when there are 2 threads close together. As far as I’m concerned, the more threads the better!

  32. 32.

    John Gabriel

    Deleted by author due to stupidity – I’m being moderated for getting my userid wrong. D’oh!

  34. 34.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @raven:

    Course I do, I’ve done it myself. But the bigfoot shit seems to be pervasive throughout BJ, not merely and only directed at him.

  36. 36.

    schrodinger's cat

    @raven: Yeah I did. Places of worship are best avoided when other people are there, or its some big festival. I read that the ruling right wing party wants to have a public prayer there. Idiots.

  38. 38.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @NotMax:

    Or, as I noted the last time I tried to fit into an old pair of jeans, “a waist is a terrible thing to mind.”

  40. 40.

    redshirt

    @SiubhanDuinne: The nature of this community means the top thread gets most of the comments and the rest of the threads are mostly dead.

    Cole is really the only big footer – everyone else adjusts their posts to accommodate other Front Pagers. It’s obvious Cole either doesn’t care or doesn’t know how to monitor his own blog for activity.

    Anne Laurie mostly takes the worst of this since she is the backbone of this blog and Cole obviously doesn’t give a shit about her or her efforts.

  44. 44.

    JGabriel

    “A Trumping to Remember,” the president’s first romance novel, was yanked from the shelves after the publisher acknowledged portions were cribbed from a May 1986 edition of Penthouse.

    As the ghost-writer of A Trumping To Remember (hey, I was desperate for the cash!), I just want to say, that yes, some of it was cribbed from a letter I wrote to Penthouse in 1986, but it’s MY writing. This only got to be a problem because I thought I owned the copyright – since, y’know, I wrote it – but it turns out Penthouse owns the copyright, the thieving bastards.

  46. 46.

    JGabriel

    @Anne Laurie:

    Dude, after seeing your title up on the dashboard, I waited over an hour for you to post before giving up & adding my own.

    And then you used my hometown paper to bigfoot me.

    It’s those personal touches that make Cole so adorable.

  48. 48.

    Corner Stone

    @JGabriel: Dear Forum,
    I never thought this would happen to me, but I just tossed away a five stroke (not the good kind) lead right into the drink (also not the good kind).
    And now I am fucked (again, also not the good kind).

  50. 50.

    Mike J

    @Aunt Kathy: Not NPR. WNYC. WYNC is a public radio station that buys some of its programming from NPR, BBC, PRI, APM, and CBC. They independently produce and distribute On the Media and Radiolab. Not everything on the left end of the dial is NPR.

    Public radio != NPR.

  51. 51.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @redshirt:

    The nature of this community means the top thread gets most of the comments and the rest of the threads are mostly dead.

    But that’s hardly Cole’s fault. If it were a real-life conversation and he kept interrupting and no one could ever get back to the original discussion, then you’d have a point. But the nature of this blog means it’s the easiest thing in the world to follow and comment on several threads simultaneously.

    I’m just tired of all the (utterly predictable) bitching every time there’s something less than a 30-minute gap between FPs.

  52. 52.

    rikyrah

    MEDIA ALERT

    The Lovely Plains
    ‏@DaRiverZkind
    “Jackie Robinson” @PBS doc covers more than race and baseball

    IT BEGINS TOMORROW, APRIL 11TH ON PBS

  56. 56.

    ? Martin

    I would also expect Trump to instruct the NIH to redirect funds for ebola and zika to combat the national epidemic of flat-chested* women.

    * Smaller than ‘D’, just for clarification.

  58. 58.

    JGabriel

    @Miss Bianca:

    Was that the one with the goat and the peanut butter and the two strippers?

    That was the one above mine. Besides, goat? Pffft, so passe.

    No, mine was the one with the buffy-tufted marmoset, an MRI machine, 3 gallons of Vegemite™, and the convention of Christian Circus & Party Clowns handing out Jesus Saves pamphlets in full make-up and regalia.

  60. 60.

    smith

    @Mike J: I love New Sounds on WNYC, a great eclectic music show. They have an archive of almost 30 years of the show online, so I never run out of stuff to listen to.

  62. 62.

    Corner Stone

    I wonder if anyone has told Willett he has the lead? He seems to be the only one left who wants to win this thing. Or not lose it.

  68. 68.

    bystander

    I for one am looking forward to Ivanka’s influence on orthodox Jewish women’s fashion during The Trumpening.

  69. 69.

    Germy

    Many many years ago I used to listen to Joe Frank on WNYC. I don’t know if he’s still producing radio shows.

  71. 71.

    Germy

    “You’ve reached the law offices of Anger, Anguish and Angst. How may I direct your call?”

  75. 75.

    John Cole

    @redshirt:

    I hear there’s this page available to the Front Pagers which shows what’s going on.

    When I started writing, there was nothing going on. I posted it. In the interim, AL started a new post, ignored that I was editing one, and then posted.

    So maybe you should address this to her in the previous thread.

    BTW- she doesn’t care.

  77. 77.

    Germy

    @debbie: No. Joe Frank.

    Although I remember watching Joe Franklin on TV back in the 1970s.

    Joe Frank did a trippy stream of consciousness deep-voiced radio show.

  79. 79.

    David ?Canadian Anchor Baby? Koch

    Run the country like a business, says the failed table meat peddler who bankrupted multiple c*sinos and an entire football league.

    I didn’t think the wingnuts could fine someone worse than Bush, but they did.

  81. 81.

    John Cole

    @Anne Laurie: When I checked, you had nothing underneath me. So I posted. It took about 15 minutes to render the thing from .pdf to .jpg, then I had to change the size, so maybe it took some time, but there was nothing there when I posted.

  83. 83.

    debbie

    @Germy:

    Ah, I hadn’t heard of him. I used to listen to Vin Scelza, who could drone on and on and on, but had great music choices.

  84. 84.

    Germy

    @debbie: I remember Vin Scelza. Wasn’t he on WNEW? I remember Allison Steele, “the Nightbird” and back then the DJs decided what records they wanted to play. No pre-programmed playlists.

  85. 85.

    different-church-lady

    @eemom:

    In short, fuck the Boston Globe. Cheap clickbait with 0 substance.

    That’s close to my initial reaction: “Stunt journalism from the only serious newspaper in Beantown? No thanks.”

    Does anyone know if this was their actual front page, or was it just a simulation somewhere within?

  86. 86.

    Miss Bianca

    @efgoldman: Hey, I’m one of the ones who somehow always gets sucked into the comics threads, but even I was shocked to discover the one from last night was still going 18 hours later…

  87. 87.

    a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)

    @redshirt: You might be assuming more technical competence or dashboard attention to Cole than is entirely the case. Maybe.

  89. 89.

    Germy

    Dave Herman was another big DJ at WNEW back in the day.

    He died in prison. Quite a scandal.

  91. 91.

    debbie

    @Germy:

    Yes, at WNEW, but then there was some non-meetings of the minds (I think it was his excess chatter). He then went to WQXR (I think) and had a Sunday night show, “Idiot’s Delight.” I think the show moved to the Internet at some point. He retired not too long ago.

  92. 92.

    different-church-lady

    @Germy:

    Many many years ago I used to listen to Joe Frank on WNYC.

    I adored Joe Frank. But I haven’t heard him in a long time, because he got dropped by our local affiliate because he didn’t fit their new “all blab, all the time” format. I know back then he was having a very hard time getting PubRad stations to pick up his shows, even though he was offering them dirt cheap — like, 10 bucks an episode! In the late 90s he went all-web.

    joefrank.com/

    I’ll never forget my first experience hearing him: I was driving home, I happened upon “A Deal With God” (from the “Work In Progress” series), and refused to get out of the car until I found out who it was. I sat in the driveway for 40 minutes listening.

  95. 95.

    Germy

    @different-church-lady: Wow! Joe Frank. He brings back memories! It was a different life for me back then. I lived in a different place (that I now miss terribly)

    I’ll have to dig into his website.

    I remember (offhand) his spoof/dead-serious description of the blind photographer, who takes a series of photos with his automatic shutter as his camera falls to the floor.

  96. 96.

    Germy

    @different-church-lady:

    refused to get out of the car until I found out who it was. I sat in the driveway for 40 minutes listening.

    that was pretty much how he hit me. I remember being floored by some of his shows. Haunting.

  98. 98.

    different-church-lady

    @Germy: There’s really just too many like that to recount them all. The “bear fat” fight Stalin used to have with his family sticks out in my mind. And “Coca-Cola. In it’s nicotine form, Smoke-a-cola. In it’s vaudeville form, Joke-a-Cola…” so on and so on for about 3 minutes.

    Back before you could record everything digital on a $300 thing, I would use the hi-fi audio tracks on a VHS recorder to record his shows. I’ve got 13 six-hour tapes filled with “Work In Progress” on my shelves.

  101. 101.

    Aunt Kathy

    @Mike J: Sometimes. At least they are household names. I figured anybody who chose to click would easily see the specific credits. If I see an ITV piece on the PBS Newsour, I saw it on PBS. Shrug. Sorry if I hit one yer pet peeves, but I’m not always interested in memorizing all the letters, I’ve got other stuff to do. Again, thanks.

  102. 102.

    PurpleGirl

    @JGabriel: Back in the 1980s I applied for a copyediting/proofreading job with Penthouse. I did take their editing test. But then they said they were using more material written by readers and wouldn’t be needing as many editors or proofreaders. I sort of didn’t believe them but now reading your comment, I guess they were telling a truth. {shrug}

  103. 103.

    burnspbesq

    @Mike J:

    At least they don’t produce Left, Right, and Center.

    If you’re taking LRC seriously, you’re doing it wrong. It’s comedy.

  105. 105.

    burnspbesq

    @Germy:

    I remember Vin Scelza. Wasn’t he on WNEW? I remember Allison Steele, “the Nightbird” and back then the DJs decided what records they wanted to play. No pre-programmed playlists.

    Those were the days. Several of the golden-era WNEW-FM jocks are still around on either Sirius or college radio. I wonder what happened to Dennis McNamara, the WLIR jock who was every bit their equal.

  106. 106.

    Josie

    @redshirt:

    The nature of this community means the top thread gets most of the comments and the rest of the threads are mostly dead.

    I’m not sure I agree with this. Personally, I check all the posts that have been put up recently and look to see if comments are still active. I don’t comment very often, but I do read posts and comments that I am interested in, regardless of the order or time of the posting. My guess is that many others do the same.
    People complain when John doesn’t post very often, and then, when he does, you accuse him of bigfooting. I have a feeling that some (maybe you) would not like what he did, even if he walked on water. Also, i am sure that Anne Laurie is perfectly capable of letting him know if he is out of line without help from any of us. Maybe you should lighten up a bit on this particular subject.

  107. 107.

    PurpleGirl

    @Germy: WNEW-FM. Vin Scelza was good. I listened to Allison Steele every night. I can’t remember who the music director was but, yes, he let the DJs mostly program themselves. Also they were album-orientated. I miss WNEW.

    ETA: Yes Dave Herman was the music director as well as a DJ. He died in prison? I don’t remember hearing about that.

  108. 108.

    different-church-lady

    @burnspbesq: A lot of what I hear on NPR nowadays sounds like parody to me — a parody of their own now-insufferable style.

  112. 112.

    NotMax

    @John Cole

    Seriously, 15 minutes? Sheesh. What were you using, stone knives and bearskins?

    Can be done in significantly under a minute with any simple, compact graphics editor which can handle multiple formats (hint – Irfanview – hint). Copy image in .pdf file. Paste into editor. Choose ‘Save As’ and save as a .jpg file. Done.

  114. 114.

    different-church-lady

    @redshirt:

    FSM help us all if Trump wins, by the way.

    See, that’s the scary thing about Trump: a lot of people are working off the assumption that if he takes the nom, it’s a slam dunk for the Democrat. But my view is: if you make it to the Super Bowl, you have a chance to win the Super Bowl, no matter what the odds-makers say.

  115. 115.

    burnspbesq

    @Germy:

    Radio was much more provincial in those days. I had never heard Bob Seger or REO Speedwagon until I drove from Schenectady to Denver via Detroit at the end of the 1975-76 academic year. Once you got past Buffalo it was all you heard.

  118. 118.

    jim parente

    @Germy: Vince Scelza’s “Idiot’s Delight” was an azazingly diverse radio show. It was instrumental in exposing many of us “Olds” (then “Youngs”) to a wonderful variety of music. Vince’s musings were always freeform and very enjoyable.
    Alison Steele “The Night Bird” was, IMHO the pinnacle of what an overnight DJ should be. Her poetry rading and musical selections were always spot on and they served to not only stimulate aural sense but they helped the mind expand and the imagination to grow. Her selection of words and music inspired me to listen and learn. I wish she were still on the air, somewhere.
    In its day WNEW-FM was the best local radio station in the world. In NYC, “local” is a relative term.
    It is a crime that focus groups spawned playlists which in turn killed FM radio and led to the on-air sewer that we have now.
    Don’t get me wrong, there are still great FM-Stations bouncing about in the ether. K-FOG comes to mind. However, it had been a few years since I have hung out in the Bay Area. If K-FOG is no longer what it was, please don’t tell me. Nah, I’m just kiddin’ I want to know.

  120. 120.

    PhoenixRising

    @NotMax:

    Seriously, 15 minutes? Sheesh. What were you using, stone knives and bearskins?

    No, X-acto and wax. Relatedly: Get off my lawn.

  121. 121.

    burnspbesq

    OT: If you haven’t seen it yet, go check out the AppleTV spot with Kobe Bryant and Michael B. Jordan. Very funny.

  125. 125.

    ThresherK

    @Mike J: Hear, hear! WAMC and WNPR (the “N” is for Norwich) also have local programming that is too good for the NPR mothership.

  127. 127.

    Germy

    @PurpleGirl:

    I listened to Allison Steele every night.

    Me, too. I’d hear songs for the first time on her show, and then go out and buy the album. I liked when she’d play an entire album side.

    She did a hilarious bit with the comedian who played “Larry Fine at Woodstock”
    youtube.com/watch?v=i16VL-eSFnY

  129. 129.

    different-church-lady

    @Germy: Here in Boston we had James Issacs. He did a jazz program in the weekday graveyard shift, and an eclectic sorta-singer/songwriter show on the weekends, followed by a pre-taped blues show. The guy was responsible for about half the records/CDs in my collection from the 90s.

    Another thing that Jane Chriso* killed in the great “let’s make everything a news call-in show because that’s what brings in the corporate sponsorship bucks” retrofit of WBUR. It started off as a wonderful collection of news, local affairs, music, and offbeat experimental radio, and became all news-blab, all the time. And then every damn station in the country that had aspirations followed suit.

    *[Ed note: Jane Christo was general manager of WBUR. She is credited with creating the all news-blab formula that took ‘BUR from a sleepy little secondary PubRad outlet to a national powerhouse. The result is the formulaic PubRad monoculture we have today.]

  131. 131.

    burnspbesq

    @Germy:

    KEXP, the University of Washington station, is pretty wonderful most of the time.

    The licensee of KCRW is Santa Monica College, but it’s about as far from “college radio” as possible.

  133. 133.

    different-church-lady

    @efgoldman: I was a core “Lydonista” during The Connection dust up. Not that Lydon didn’t bear any responsibility for that unnecessary debacle, but it was pretty damn obvious she was in the process of ruining the best thing she had.

    ETA: I just remembered a little expiratory interview I had there in the early 90s. The guy I was talking to said, “It can be a little weird here at times.” I had no idea what he was talking about, but now I understand.

  134. 134.

    different-church-lady

    @Germy: WHRB is now my favorite in Boston. Jazz in the morning, opera on the weekends (and I don’t even care for opera), and… HILLBILLY AT HARVARD!

  137. 137.

    different-church-lady

    @efgoldman: I live in the terrorist killing capitol of the United States, about a mile from where they pulled asshole #2 out of that boat.

    No recollection of the fellow at ‘BUR.

  138. 138.

    different-church-lady

    @efgoldman:

    then moved to Belmont when it was still sort of affordable if you squinted real hard.

    Ah yes, Belmont: where people go to have their souls cryogenically frozen until their children are done going through the “good schools”. I was exiled there for a year and hated every dead moment of it.

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