If this does not make your damned day I don’t know what will:
There’s a new kink in North Carolina’s LGBT controversy: A popular porn website is banning all computers from “The Tar Heel State.”
XHamster.com has been refusing to serve anyone from North Carolina since 12:30 p.m. EDT, Monday.
Instead, users with a North Carolina IP address are just seeing a black screen on their computer — no porn.
The extreme measures will stay in place until North Carolina repeals House Bill 2, a law passed on March 23 that effectively prevents cities and counties in the state from passing rules that protect LGBT rights.
XHamster.com spokesman, Mike Kulich, said the website believes in equality for everyone.
“We have spent the last 50 years fighting for equality for everyone and these laws are discriminatory which XHamster.com does not tolerate,” he said in an official statement sent to The Huffington Post. “Judging by the stats of what you North Carolinians watch, we feel this punishment is a severe one. We will not standby and pump revenue into a system that promotes this type of garbage. We respect all sexualities and embrace them.”
Kulich told HuffPost that the company’s statistics show that North Carolinians are more open-minded — at least about their porn — than laws like HB2 might suggest.
“Back in March, we had 400,000 hits for the term ‘Transsexual’ from North Carolina alone,” he said. “People from that state searched ‘Gay’ 319,907 times,” he added.
In other hilarious and unfortunate news, I tried to find a picture of a redneck watching porn for this post. That was a mistake I will never make again. Unless you have safe search enabled (which I do not), I implore you not to google “redneck+watching+porn.”
Baud
Dammit. Now a bunch of porn-deprived North Carolina rednecks are going to show up here.
Wallis Lane
It’s a modern-day Lysistrata. Aristophanes would be proud.
HRA
OMG! John and Baud tears are rolling down from laughing so hard. LOL
lamh36
I’m not one for online porn, so I’ll you’re an expert John…lol. what “type” of site is this?
BTW, now I want to know what the stats show…
Bobby Thomson
@Baud: “Now”? So far as I know, this site is still #1 with a bullet for “skull fuck a kitten.”
Bobby Thomson
@lamh36: it’s a competitor of pornhub.
redshirt
Might as well just add all the Republican states to the ban list. You know ALEC will make this legislation national shortly.
lamh36
now even I know what pornhub is…I wonder how this site compares to pornhub’s numbers.
LAO
I wish I could express how awesome I think this is. Words fail me.
MomSense
@lamh36:
Ha!!!
WereBear
Now that’s poetic justice!
Major Major Major Major
@redshirt: They are the biggest consumers.
Also, I googled that, some of the guys are hot. Maybe it’s just my account that filters for previously-exhibited preferences somehow. Now there’s a thought. I wanna work on that schema…
billcoop4
Deah Representative Harrison Harrison Harrison III,
Ah heahbah respec’fully rehquest, that you do work with th’Governor to repeal House Bill 2. It’s preventing me from gettin’ mah jollies.
redshirt
@billcoop4: LOL. I say I say I say Son…..
Zinsky
Well, the heaviest porn traffic per capita in the U.S. Is in Utah and among the worlds undeveloped countries it is in Pakistan. Religious fanatics tend to be horny perverts. Just sayin…
debbie
Wow, 400,000 hits in a single month. Wonder how many came from the IP address near the State House.
cmorenc
Actually, that’s not really quite true, though what XHamster actually did is still a very nice gesture in support of LGBT. Since I’m in North Carolina, I decided to TOFTT (take one for the team) and check out whether XHamster.com blocked me out from accessing the videos at their site. What first comes up is a large central pop-over dialogue box over the dimmed regular home page of the site, which pop-over begins with the prominent statement in large font:
…However, there is an ‘X’ in the upper-right corner of the pop-over window that allows you to close it, after which you can dive right in to view porn clips to your heart’s content – even if you are in North Carolina.
The sacrifices I make for you all and the progressive cause….
TheOtherWA
I usually ignore advice offered online, but I think this will be the exception.
NotMax
Tissue sales mysteriously plummet in North Carolina.
Film at 11.
J.D. Rhoades
I’m in North Carolina, and I laughed hard at this. (Greetings from the Resistance)
Mnemosyne
@debbie:
All of them, Katie.
bobbo
This would probably work in Mississippi.
J R in WV
Why do we love Balloon-Juice so much?
Cutting edge politics combined with bleeding edge humor!
Thank you so much John Cole for all the good you have provided to all mankind!
SiubhanDuinne
Oh, so very well played.
Mnemosyne
For any other Regency Era fans in the Pasadena area, the Huntington is having a free lecture tonight called “Finding a Cure at the British Spa.” For those not in the area, I believe the Huntington posts their lectures on iTunes U about a week afterwards.
You may now resume your regularly scheduled porn talk.
guachi
XHamster? XHamster?
Porncupine would be a much better rodent porn name.
NotMax
Testing
jl
Why are front poster comments highlighted puke green, but a very important post like this not highlighted at all?
I almost missed this.
Full service blog, my ass.
MikeBoyScout
Oldie but goodie
The Internet is for P0rn
https://youtu.be/cNARJPNz2CA
No intertoobs for you NC
Mandalay
No need for XHamster if you just want to see tits – Erin Burnett is hitting a new low in necklines this evening.
She may be a vapid talent-free mouthpiece for the 1%, but no political reporter out-cleavages our Erin. And now I understand why her show is called Out Front.
PaulWartenberg2016
What better way to spell out the damn hypocrisy of the ultra-religious Onward Christian Soldiers by pointing out their own private depravities in public?
SiubhanDuinne
Until you’re fully committed, you never know what odd and unanticipated rabbit holes an innocent Google inquiry will lead you down. Years ago (probably before there even was Google, come to think of it) I needed, for some reason, to search for that old Doris Day-Rex Harrison soapy thriller Midnight Lace.
O.
M.
G.
Never again.
feebog
Ha! Cole just big footed his own post.
Adam L Silverman
@LAO: Interpretive dance perhaps?
Felonius Monk
RandomMonster
@NotMax:
I think you meant to say “Film” at 11.
Kropadope
Curiosity reaching critical mass….
sidhra
I’m not gonna google North Carolina anything for a while. Think that’ll save me some worries. And time.
WaterGirl
@SiubhanDuinne: On the bright side, it makes for a good story! :-)
Pro tip: always use private browsing if you are going to google something from Balloon Juice.
LAO
@Adam L Silverman: with plenty of “jazz hands”
Baud
@WaterGirl: Or visit Balloon Juice.
Adam L Silverman
@Mandalay: Apparently you aren’t the only one to notice:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Aw0tNDkpC4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mp_PMm89RBc
She has the crazy eyes though!
WaterGirl
@Baud: No, private browsing just for visiting balloon juice? That’s for wimps! We need our next president to be fearless!
Edit: I was not aware of private browsing when I clicked on the Omnes link to the youtube of Fuck Me In The *** Cause I Love Jesus. That was a teachable moment for me. Full disclosure: I did watch the video until the end.
scav
@SiubhanDuinne: That was my favorite grace note as well.
Adam L Silverman
@LAO: In this case I think you want “magic fingers”.
Baud
@WaterGirl: I’m going for scandal free instead.
WaterGirl
@Baud: I can get behind that!
(Given my previous edit to my previous post, perhaps that was a poor choice of words.)
LAO
@Adam L Silverman: I hate it when I must concede defeat. Damn it! Next time.
catclub
@cmorenc: 1. I figure productivity will rise in NC.
2. This is how non-internet savvy people learn about VPN’s.
catclub
@WaterGirl:
Pun intended.
Major Major Major Major
@Baud: How droll.
Baud
@WaterGirl: I’m curious why “ass” is the word you decided to bleep.
WaterGirl
@Baud: Isn’t it obvious? :-) Because fuck is a word I use, but ass really isn’t, and the phrase “fuck me in the ***”” is too crass for me.
I can, however, imagine that many, many – perhaps even most – people would bleep the word fuck. But fuck is one of my (sometimes) words and I’m gonna stand by it. I am very loyal.
Adam L Silverman
@WaterGirl: https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/97/e1/92/97e192e8f451a430df13d162070d78bd.jpg
Baud
@WaterGirl: Loyal as f*ck
@Adam L Silverman: Tell me that’s real.
Major Major Major Major
@Baud: ‘air’ has an i in it, which has already been revealed
Baud
@Major Major Major Major: :-(
Penus
@lamh36: Gotta be lesbian. That’s almost always the top search result.
WaterGirl
@Adam L Silverman: That was so funny that I snorted out loud. Always attractive…
edit: opened in private browsing because I was a little uncertain what it would be. :-)
Adam L Silverman
@Baud: It was a real puzzle one night. The Internet got a hold of it. I’ve got that one and another, similar, demotivator of it as well.
Gelfling545
Morality, justice and the state’s economy be damned. But losing their porn connection one day after losing Springsteen? That law is toast, I tell you.
rikyrah
I find this hilarious ??
WaterGirl
@Baud: That’s me! :: hope you still love me. :-) ::
or will at least keep me as your valerie jarrett.
LAO
@WaterGirl: seconded.
WaterGirl
@Adam L Silverman: I want to see the demotivator!
Adam L Silverman
@Penus: http://www.geekwire.com/2016/pornhub-most-searched-terms/
redshirt
Fuc*!
Sister Rail Gun of Warm Humanitarianism
Hah. Was coming here to pass this info on; might have known Cole would find it on his own.
And conventions are pulling out. That’s four outright cancelled, as many as 39 others somewhere in the process and now looking elsewhere.
Adam L Silverman
@WaterGirl: If I can find it, I’ll put it up.
Baud
@WaterGirl:
Absolutely. I value loyalty.
And secrecy.
Adam L Silverman
@WaterGirl: Its this one:
http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/909/589/08c.png
Major Major Major Major
@Baud:
As your Librarian of Congress, I’m afraid I can’t allow that.
ETA: @Adam L Silverman: Ah, now, see, *that* could be real!
WaterGirl
@Baud: I doubt you could find a more loyal person than me, or someone who is better at keeping secrets. See, I have two good qualities! :-) Everyone needs a couple.
Adam L Silverman
@Major Major Major Major: it was real. Then, like I wrote, the internet got a hold of it and made it special!
SiubhanDuinne
@Sister Rail Gun of Warm Humanitarianism:
Given the thread topic, and many of the comments, you may wish to rethink that wording.
Baud
@WaterGirl:
More than two, but those are two good ones.
redshirt
@SiubhanDuinne: Drat!
WaterGirl
@SiubhanDuinne: I noticed that, too, but didn’t say anything. It’s funny how the mind works.
Major Major Major Major
@Adam L Silverman: I didn’t mean it wasn’t, I was following the thread… I know you said… gah, why do I care :D
Adam L Silverman
@Major Major Major Major: Ahhh, I’m tracking now. No worries.
Mnemosyne
@SiubhanDuinne:
Rethink, or pretend she meant to do that?
SiubhanDuinne
@WaterGirl:
Especially if you are, at heart, a 12-year-old boy.
SiubhanDuinne
@Mnemosyne:
Aha, like every cat that ever was.
WaterGirl
@SiubhanDuinne: I think there are a lot of us here who resemble that remark.
SiubhanDuinne
@WaterGirl:
FT etc.
Sister Rail Gun of Warm Humanitarianism
@Mnemosyne:
*slow blink*
seaboogie
@NotMax:
In related news, hand lotion sales have all but dried up.
a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)
@Adam L Silverman: I knew a comedian once who had a friend who dated Vanna White. That friend told tales that gentlemen do not tell.
PS – I feel left out that Cole never said “Go fuck yourself, Sunshine” to me. Maybe it’s an exclusively twitter thing, I’d have responded less than politely in either case. Or I’m not interesting enough. ::steps away to sob at the notion::
Uncle Cosmo
@guachi: Armadildo!
(Lifted from an 80s-era Playboy bit of lighthearted fun called [IIRC] “The Fallout Follies” about crossbreedings after a nuclear exchange. [Subtitled, also IIRC, “Wow, World War VII was some muthah!”] This one was a cross between an armadillo & a personal vibrator…)
Ben Cisco
Another North Carolinian chiming in to say this is the funniest thing I’ve heard all day. Good job!
Belafon
If you need a good image to use for someone watching porn, use the image here: http://basedgodtookmyusername.tumblr.com/post/99844345193/can-we-discuss-gumball-walking-in-on-a-banana.
This is from The Amazing World of Gumball. Gumball is cutting through the Banana household, and walks in on Banana Joe watching this on his computer. Notice the tissue box.
Ben Cisco
@efgoldman: Raleigh. That’s about the only thing that could have made this better. Perfect!
cbear
Meh. If they really wanted to impact the goopers in North Carolina they would take down all the “Nailin Palin” and “Barnyard Action” videos until the laws were repealed.
Btw–is XHamster a free site, or do you have to pay for access?
Asking for a friend.
Ken
It’s also a subtle reminder that Skynet Junior knows where you live, what you watch, and what you have shipped to your door in discreet packaging – and could tell all your neighbors and constituents too. The DC Madam’s books pale in comparison.
? Martin
@cbear:
Swap out all videos and only show guy on guy.
Fake Irishman
Politics makes for strange bedfellows, indeed.
cbear
@? Martin:
Lol. I don’t think that would work, and would probably drive traffic up.
Whenever I see or hear a gay-bashing gooper, I just automatically assume they’re either self-hating or in the closet.
PaulWartenberg2016
new redneck battlecry:
They can take my porn when they pry it from my cold sticky hands.
dbehsman
How do we know these numbers are accurate?
HeartlandLiberal
@guachi: Try typing porncupine.com into your browser address. You will not be disappointed.
cleek
@SiubhanDuinne:
there’s a band called “Blonde Redhead”. they’re pretty tough to Google in polite company.
there’s a band called “Paper” that’s all but impossible to find on YouTube unless you search for specific songs.
Paul in KY
@cleek: I searched on ‘Paper – band’ & they came up 5th. Have a website called paperband.biz. A punk rock band, it appears. Lead singer is a Hoyt Yeatman.
boatboy_srq
@lamh36: Conservatist-leaning states are the biggest pr0n consumers. The industry has been keeping records of this for decades. Goes back to the Spartan that Ethic Reichwing FundiEvangelist Xtians follow (no act itself is sinful – it’s getting caught that’s the failing) and the sexual repression they preach.
boatboy_srq
@PaulWartenberg2016: They’ll just keep snickering behind their hands at all their sinful neighbors – at least until the usernames and IP addresses are published.
JustRuss
Not to be nit-picky, but 50 years? How can a website be 50 years old? Did Canada get the Interwebs first and keep it a secret for a couple decades? Never trusted those guys, they’re just too polite…
Belafon
@JustRuss: He may have been talking about the royal “we” not his particular site. I think he’s implying that this law undoes some of the advances made.