Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Their freedom requires your slavery.

“Everybody’s entitled to be an idiot.”

Is it irresponsible to speculate? It is irresponsible not to.

Bark louder, little dog.

Despite his magical powers, I don’t think Trump is thinking this through, to be honest.

Let’s delete this post and never speak of this again.

Nancy smash is sick of your bullshit.

Yeah, with this crowd one never knows.

And we’re all out of bubblegum.

Fuck the extremist election deniers. What’s money for if not for keeping them out of office?

A Senator Walker would be an insult to the state and the nation.

No offense, but this thread hasn’t been about you for quite a while.

I was promised a recession.

… pundit janitors mopping up after the GOP

You cannot shame the shameless.

Sitting here in limbo waiting for the dice to roll

I see no possible difficulties whatsoever with this fool-proof plan.

Insiders who complain to politico: please report to the white house office of shut the fuck up.

If you tweet it in all caps, that makes it true!

The willow is too close to the house.

Not so fun when the rabbit gets the gun, is it?

Everybody saw this coming.

Republicans are the party of chaos and catastrophe.

Not all heroes wear capes.

You are here: Home / Politics / Politicans / Cruz-ifiction / This Is One For Every Patriots-Hater Out There

This Is One For Every Patriots-Hater Out There

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The invaluable Charles Pierce on Donald Trump’s distinct political superpower:

It was Jeb (!) Bush who learned the second-worst thing for a candidate to be if he’s running against He, Trump—which is a humorless, privileged fop. The worst thing to be is what the Tailgunner was—a self-important dweeb with delusions of sacred grandeur. In both cases, you are a big bag of hot air in search of a needle. That is He, Trump’s only consistent political skill. No wonder Tom Brady loves him. Nobody is more skilled at deflating people than He, Trump.

I’d add — it’s hard for me to read this as anything but Barack I’m-So-Going-To-Miss-This-President Obama’s parting gift to that self important dweeb with delusions of sacred grandeur:

The White House is considering the creation of a national monument to the gay rights movement on a small piece of Greenwich Village parkland across the street from the Stonewall Inn, where a 1969 uprising helped inspire the push for equality, advocates said on Tuesday.

I know, I know. Not a done deal yet; just kicking the tires; who thought to get this out there today…

But still, even if it is a coincidence (and I’m really not sure that it is), a fine story becomes that much sweeter juxtaposed with Torquemada Cruz (you can’t torque ’em ada anything) on the occasion of his exit, stage far right.

Pedro_Berruguete_Saint_Dominic_Presiding_over_an_Auto-da-fe_1495

So yeah, while as many here have noted, Trump is a terrifying existential threat to the idea of the Republic, I still get some naches any day that Ted Cruz gets his comeuppance upside and down.

Open, the thread, it is.

Pedro Berruguete, Saint Dominic Presiding Over an Auto-da-fe, 1495

Reader Interactions

30Comments

  1. 1.

    trollhattan

    I recommend the nachos. It’s a good day, and while hair is now being pulled over the many new (to me) scenarios by which Hillary shall now blow it, I’m busy counting senate seats.

  4. 4.

    Amir Khalid

    An auto-da-fe? What’s an auto-da-fe?
    It’s what you ought not to do, but you do anyway!

  5. 5.

    Tom Levenson

    @Scott P.: You translate, I transliterate. Sue me. (ETA: My Name’s Not Sue.)*

    *Lesson number (n) on the importance of commas.

  6. 6.

    raven

    @Amir Khalid: It’s a link, click on it!

    Representations of an auto da fe often depict torture or someone being burnt at the stake. The two victims in the lower right, tied to the two posts are resting on two stakes driven horizontally into the posts behind them, meant to prolong their deaths by staving off suffocation by the ropes or garrotes wrapped around their necks. Another likely purpose of these stakes was possibly a means of further shaming and humiliating the victims, due to their apparently intentional resemblance to the human male anatomy. The two victims on the posts await their deaths as the pile of ignited firewood before them is fed and fueled sufficiently to attain the desired result. The two victims standing in line await their own turns next on the posts. All of these victims are Cathars, allegedly St. Dominic’s primary targets

  7. 7.

    BR

    @trollhattan:

    If it’s up to anyone to blow it, it’s us. I’ve said it a million times, but this election is going to be won or lost by us on the ground. There are millions of voters who favor Clinton or are anti-Trump and we just need to register them and get them to the polls. Turnout will make all the difference, especially in GOP-run swing states where they’ll try dirty tricks.

  8. 8.

    Betty Cracker

    Nah — that designating the Stonewall park a national monument will twist the knickers of the GOP homophobes and closet cases is just gravy, or at least I hope so. That little park (which I visited with my gay sister and sister-in-law when I was in NYC for their big fat gay wedding) should be designated a national monument solely to commemorate the bravery of the Stonewall riot participants and to affirm the humanity of our gay brothers and sisters and honor their long struggle for freedom. Like the Edmund Pettus Bridge, it is sacred ground.

  10. 10.

    singfoom

    You gotta love Charlie Pierce. Making a Dune reference when describing Gohmert, the dumbest man in Congress, dumber than a fence post, which is insulting to fence posts everywhere:

    Congressman Louie Gohmert, Padishah Emperor For Life Of The Crazy People

  11. 11.

    Joel

    Anyone who didn’t know Tom Brady was a wingnut from his appearance at the 2004 SOTU is a moron and deserves every bit of mockery thrown their way.

  12. 12.

    catclub

    @raven:

    All of these victims are Cathars, allegedly St. Dominic’s primary targets

    You know how we decided to take Andrew Jackson off the $20? Shouldn’t the Catholic Church take Dominic off the list of Saints?

  14. 14.

    O. Felix Culpa

    My sweetie has a job interview today. Fingers crossed for her and satby!

    And, does anyone know how to find satby’s Etsy offerings? Sounds like she has some wonderful wares…and at a nice discount. ;)

  16. 16.

    Capri

    I read over and over that the republican base is angry because the GOP establishment didn’t keep their promises – but somehow the writers never mention that 90% of those promises were ridiculous and unattainable. Promising to repeal “every word of Obamacare” is like promising a flying car in every garage – on some level theoretically possible, but not going to happen.

  17. 17.

    O. Felix Culpa

    @Betty Cracker: Thank you! Hope things have settled down on the weather front for you Florida dwellers.

    ETA: Her products look great! I appreciate the tip.

  18. 18.

    Jay C

    @catclub:

    Well, according to Wikipedia, St. Dominic’s connections with the Inquisition are of dubious historicity. The painting Tom reproduces above is cited as a typical example: it was commissioned 275 years or so after the saint’s demise specifically to associate him with the anti-Cathar persecutions (they thought it was a good thing, obviously), but contemporary accounts are lacking, or unspecific: so I guess old Dom gets a pass on this particular charge….

    Also, isn’t canonization a one-way deal? I thought that once officially-recognized saints get on the list, they’re there forever, unless, like (I think) St. Philomena, they are later proven to have been misidentified or legendary.. in which case they get “demoted”, but not un-sainted (or whatever)

  19. 19.

    oldgold

    I enjoy reading Charles Pierce.

    He would do himself a favor if he stayed off TV. He is not good at it.

  20. 20.

    D58826

    SOmething to ease the Trump pain

    Something that’s probably never happened in the history of aviation happened recently on a JetBlue flight from New York to California: Passengers actively rooted for babies to start crying. The one-of-a-kind flight was documented for a JetBlue Mother’s Day ad released this week, Adweek reports. After passengers were seated, a flight attendant announced, “This will be the very first flight where crying babies is a good thing.” To make that happen, JetBlue offered a 25% discount to passengers every time a baby started crying; so four fussy babies equaled a free flight. It worked. Fortune notes passengers were “cheering and clapping” for crying babies by the time the plane touched down. “It made the entire idea of being mad about a sweet, innocent baby crying seem altogether

  21. 21.

    James E Powell

    @BR:

    There are millions of voters who favor Clinton or are anti-Trump and we just need to register them and get them to the polls.

    This cannot be overstated. It is fun to gloat at the demise of so many Republican Saviors. But there will be nothing funny about the general election campaign. The RW faithful will unite very quickly behind Trump because the possibility of a woman president after an African American president is just . . . well they really have no words for it, but it’s really really scary and stuff.

    They will not stay home.

  25. 25.

    Heliopause

    Pedro Berruguete, Saint Dominic Presiding Over an Auto-da-fe, 1495

    As a candidate for President of the United Federation of Planets I am hereby calling for a complete and total shutdown of all Christians entering the Federation until we can figure out what the hell is going on.

  26. 26.

    rikyrah

    Susan Collins: I’ll Be Able To Back Trump If He Stops “Gratuitous Personal Insults”
    May 4, 2016, at 12:27 p.m.

    Republican Sen. Susan Collins from Maine said in a radio interview on Wednesday that she will be able to back Donald Trump if he starts acting more presidential and stops with the “gratuitous personal insults.”

    Collins, speaking with Newsradio WGANAM560, said Trump needs to “mend a lot of fences” and stop with his “bizarre” behavior like linking Ted Cruz’s father to the Kennedy assassination, but added that she needed to wait until the convention before making a final decision.

    “Donald Trump has the opportunity to unite the party, but if he’s going to build that wall that he keeps talking about, he’s going to have to mend a lot of fences,” said Collins. “He’s going to have stop with gratuitous personal insults.”

    “You mean, like saying Ted Cruz’s father killed JFK,” the host interjected.

    “Yes, that was the most bizarre yet, I think,” responded Collins, adding Trump needed to now articulate what his presidency would look like through policy, plans, and programs beyond his slogan.

  27. 27.

    rikyrah

    uh uh uh

    In Touch WeeklyVerified account
    ‏@intouchweekly
    WORLD EXCLUSIVE: Married #FoxNews White House correspondent Ed Henry’s mistress tells all:

  28. 28.

    rikyrah

    DA PHUQ?

    Patrick SvitekVerified account
    ‏@PatrickSvitek
    Texas Lt. Gov. @DanPatrick says Trump could unite the GOP by promising to put @TedCruz on the Supreme Court:

  29. 29.

    Applejinx

    @Betty Cracker: Good heavens, no. It’s not like this is the land of the free, and the home of pinching a fifth baby to see if you can get JetBlue to pay YOU!

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