Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

When someone says they “love freedom”, rest assured they don’t mean yours.

The real work of an opposition party is to oppose.

It’s a good piece. click on over. but then come back!!

The republican caucus is covering themselves with something, and it’s not glory.

Their boy Ron is an empty plastic cup that will never know pudding.

There is no compromise when it comes to body autonomy. You either have it or you don’t.

We’ve had enough carrots to last a lifetime. break out the sticks.

The republican ‘Pastor’ of the House is an odious authoritarian little creep.

Accused of treason; bitches about the ratings. I am in awe.

Bad people in a position to do bad things will do bad things because they are bad people. End of story.

JFC, are there no editors left at that goddamn rag?

Accountability, motherfuckers.

Sitting here in limbo waiting for the dice to roll

In after Baud. Damn.

Putting aside our relentless self-interest because the moral imperative is crystal clear.

Black Jesus loves a paper trail.

Somebody needs to explain to DeSantis that nobody needs to do anything to make him look bad.

New McCarthy, same old McCarthyism.

Do we throw up our hands or do we roll up our sleeves? (hint, it’s door #2)

The willow is too close to the house.

Republicans want to make it harder to vote and easier for them to cheat.

I conferred with the team and they all agree – still not tired of winning!

“But what about the lurkers?”

Take hopelessness and turn it into resilience.

You are here: Home / Politics / Trumpery / Hail to the Hairpiece / Late Night B-Movie Open Thread: Giant Albino Amphibian vs. Zombie-Eyed Grannie Starver

Late Night B-Movie Open Thread: Giant Albino Amphibian vs. Zombie-Eyed Grannie Starver

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Jim Newell, at Slate, on “the perfect running mate for Donald Trump”:

… Gingrich, in his trademark way of exuding unsubtlety in the execution of what he believes to be a stealth operation, is angling for the vice presidency even more aggressively than Trump is angling for the presidency. When Gingrich responded to a question about the inexperience of Trump’s foreign policy advisers by instructing Slate’s Isaac Chotiner to read both The Art of the Deal and The Art of the Comeback, such a shameless non sequitur could only be read as that day’s canned talking point in his campaign for the vice presidency. Gingrich was among the earliest bold-name political figures to liaise between Trump and official Republican Washington. Like Chris Christie, Gingrich may have realized that taking the plunge early with the party’s incoming standard-bearer was the best way to position himself for a sweet gig down the road—and perhaps persuade Trump to help retire lingering campaign debt.

Trump basks in what normals might consider uncomfortable levels of flattery, and so, by several accounts—including Trump’s own mouth—Gingrich has successfully implanted himself on his new master’s veep shortlist. Though Gingrich has said Trump would need “psychiatric help” if the presumptive nominee were to select him as his running mate, he definitely will not rule himself out. The former speaker of the House is now a ubiquitous force in the Trump effort, selling him in the media and advising him on policy and politics…

For all of his put-on suck-uppery, Gingrich is one of the few people on Earth who can understand what it’s like to be in Trump’s shoes. Gingrich, over a more gradual period of time and climaxing in the 1994 elections, blew up an existing political era—that of the Democrats’ supposedly permanent House majority. He knows what it is to have the world looking in horror at you for shattering their reality, much as they’re looking at Trump now. He can brief Trump about how to weather this and, should Gingrich cave to the sort of introspection that neither he nor his tutee are known for but which may exist somewhere deep inside, teach him from his own mistakes….

I’m old enough to remember The Rain Reign of Speaker Newt, and this is good news for Democrats. The Newt’s thin skin and enormous ego are indeed very reminiscent of a certain short-fingered vulgarian, and Gingrich’s inability to keep his eye on the prize (or his pecker in his pants) were largely responsible for the implosion of the GOP’s ‘new permanent majority’ twenty years ago. Putting him under the lights with Deadbeat Donald over the next five months would mean taking bets on which of the two would throw a total pants-soiling hissy-fit first… and whether it would be directed at the other half of the ticket.

Simon Maloy, in Salon:

… Just think about everything that Donald Trump has inveighed against as part of his hostile takeover of the Republican Party: he rails against the incompetent elites in Washington, he blasts free trade agreements, he inveighs against people who buy and sell political influence, and he calls for hardline anti-immigrant policies. Now think about Newt Gingrich. He’s a former House Speaker who was bounced from the position amid ethics violations and threats of internal revolt. He’s a big fan of NAFTA and proudly talks about how many jobs it created in Mexico. He’s a “lobbyist” in everything but name whose post-politics career has consisted largely of charging people money for access to his friends on Capitol Hill. And he’s on record arguing that the GOP had to accept the reality that it is impossible to deport every single undocumented immigrant in the country…

Meanwhile, speaking of failed 90s retreads, there’s the Zombie-Eyed Granny Starver…

No, Paul Ryan does not want to be Trump’s VP candidate. What he wants is for the GOP to stagger forward long enough for Paul Ryan to run for President in 2020 — or at least to implode in such a way that Paul Ryan can plausibly claim it had nothing to do with him, when he runs as the shining figurehead of the American Liberty Independent National Freedom Party (formerly d/b/a ‘GOP’) four or eight years from now. Newt Gingrich is not a good look for a new, improved, 90s-era-con-free Republican (possibly under a different name) party. Newt Gingrich is totally going to interfere with Paul Ryan’s rebranding efforts…

… Watching these two lesser con artists duel in the shadow of the Yooogist Klassiest Conman of His Generation is going to be great fun, for us Democrats. Root for injuries!

Reader Interactions

54Comments

  2. 2.

    Frankensteinbeck

    Newt… I could see Trump picking him! Newt is willing to suck up to him, and is a flagrant bullshitter himself who hardly pays attention to what’s coming out of his mouth. They should be comfortable with each other’s nonexistent policies. Plus, Trump will think Newt has Clinton’s number. Don’t ask me to explain that, I’m already running long.

    I do wish people would stop seizing on individual random shit Trump has said and acting like that means he has anti-orthodox Republican positions. He has NO positions, just stream of consciousness hate.

  3. 3.

    Socraticsilence

    Trump’s big mouth and thin skin might have just gotten him into a trap where he has to debate Bernie Sanders prior to Sanders exiting the race.

  4. 4.

    Villago Delenda Est

    Ed Rollins summed it up best: Between the two of them, six wives. They REALLY understand women!

    (I refuse to point out to them how they’re shooting themselves in the feet with a 155mm Howitzer…)

  5. 5.

    Major Major Major Major

    Man, just realized I had kind of an emotional day. First the note from the hiring people, then a weird dinner, then the thing with the monk, yes i realize that’s a weird description

  6. 6.

    Frankensteinbeck

    @Socraticsilence:
    Two angry old men yelling past each other. I don’t expect much interest to come from that. I’m pretty sure Sanders won’t join up to bash Clinton with Trump. Sanders probably just thinks he can out-debate Trump and make himself look good.

  7. 7.

    Amir Khalid

    It would be a dream ticket indeed: two of the ghastliest people in American politics against Hillary and whichever rising young Democratic star she chooses to run with. Which is why I’d expect the Republican party establishment to try to warn the Donald off picking Newton Leroy.

  8. 8.

    Mike J

    When Ryan says, “I’m not going to get into this now”, the obvious follow up is, “When do you want to go into it? Can we make an appointment now?”

  9. 9.

    Amir Khalid

    @Frankensteinbeck:
    Donald will Gish-gallop Bernie left, right and centre. That is, when not demonstrating his superior proficiency with playground taunts. He’ll overwhelm Bernie and make him look like a fool, all without citing a single fact or policy position.

  16. 16.

    David ?Canadian Anchor Baby? Koch

    Of course he is.

    Tiffany’s is right next door to Trump’s building.

    It would save Newt and Calista a lot of time

  19. 19.

    piratedan

    @Frankensteinbeck: and if it’s on Fox, Bernie will have to work hard to escape the frames that the questions will be placed in. Still, it would be interesting to see if she shakes any of those GOP zombies out of their collective state of cognitive dissonance, but I wouldn’t hold my breath about it.

  20. 20.

    NotMax

    Gingrich has more baggage than Mrs. Astor loaded aboard the Titanic.

    Plus, Newt turns 73 next month.

  21. 21.

    StringOnASick

    A friend of mine was on a cruise in Alaska last year that had Newt, Calista and others of their family. She said Calista was pleasant though her hair never moved, and Newt found the gorgeous scenery boring. Oh, and he’s an abrasive asshole even without talking politics.

    I’m up waiting for the pain meds to kick in as the femoral block wears off on the knee surgery I had yesterday: a phase 2 clinical trail for an artificial meniscus that’s been used in Europe since 2008. Im hoping it saves me from needing 2 knee replacements and just one will be needed this fall. My Husband’s father passed while I was in recovery yesterday, and he’s on his way there first thing tomorrow so I’m going to be relying on friends for a few days. He’s mainly going to support his brother because it looks likely that his super rare lymphoma has spread to his lungs, not at all a positive development. I hope for better news, but I’m not expecting it unfortunately. We were able to visit my FIL last week and while he was in hospice, he was not in transition even Monday night, but passed early Tuesday. Everyone has their own time table I guess.

  26. 26.

    magurakurin

    I’m thinking this debate with Sanders and Trump…not going to be a good thing. sigh.

  29. 29.

    David ?Canadian Anchor Baby? Koch

    Trump won’t select Gingrich.

    There’s no way Newt makes it past the swim suit portion of the pageant.

  32. 32.

    marilynD Southern Oregon

    @StringOnASick: ….well, crap!! Please consider yourself hugged from Southern Oregon…..may peace be with you when you need it most.

  35. 35.

    sm*t cl*de

    @Socraticsilence:

    Trump’s big mouth and thin skin might have just gotten him into a trap where he has to debate Bernie Sanders prior to Sanders exiting the race.

    Unless he walked away from a commitment, and Trump never does that.

  36. 36.

    MattF

    My old friend, the retired D party operative, doesn’t like HRC, but her feelings about Noot are indescribable. When the subject comes up, you can feel the hate. It’s really pretty remarkable.

  37. 37.

    Soylent Green

    @Amir Khalid:

    He’ll overwhelm Bernie and make him look like a fool, all without citing a single fact or policy position.

    Worse than that, Bernie will agree with Trump about how crooked Hillary is.

  38. 38.

    SFAW

    On the other hand, two old fat white adulterers as running mates? It would be a dream ticket for the all-important old fat white Fox viewer demographic.

    “Trump/Gingrich: Cheating On Their Wives So That You Don’t Have To”?
    “Trump/Gingrich: C’mon, You Know You Wish You Could Do It Too!”
    “Trump/Gingrich: Let Us Tell You About Wife-Dumping”
    Trump/Gingrich: Hey, We Just Traded In For A Newer Model — What’s The Issue?”

    None of those really flow, perhaps a better writer can come up with something?

  40. 40.

    What Have the Romans Ever Done for Us?

    The mere fact that Newt Gingrich still thinks he could be a political asset to anyone is evidence that he’s completely lacking in the ability to cater to introspection. The fact that the media still treat him like he could potentially be a political asset is evidence that the media will ever and always mistake being an asshole for being a political genius. That’s the unfortunate truth of this campaign – one of the world’s biggest assholes is running for POTUS, and every time he doubles down on assholery the press will treat it like genius and talk about whether it’s “working” for him.

  43. 43.

    satby

    @StringOnASick: Late to the thread, but that’s a lot of stress in a short time. Condolences on the loss of your father in law. And best wishes for your brother in law and you.

  44. 44.

    Snarki, child of Loki

    Is the GOP big enough to contain both egos from Trump and Gingrich?

    It’s not clear that The Universe is big enough, in fact.

  45. 45.

    StringOnASick

    @Betty Cracker: thanks everyone. Hus death wasn’t unexpected and he detested being in assisted living even though he could not walk or stand on his own. I’m glad I did this surgery since the prognosis is quite positive. My brother in law’s situation is very hard and he’s in a lot of pain. I hope my husband’s being there helps and we’d love some good news, but the odds of that are poor. He spent the last 15 years living with and caring for their dad before a stroke made that impossible; my husband wishes his brother could at least have a year without the crushing burden of their father’s care, but that may be too optimistic.

  46. 46.

    Miss Bianca

    @Socraticsilence: Now you know…little as I care for either of these gentlemen, I have to say I might be interested in watching *that* debate(cle).

  48. 48.

    Jeffro

    @Snarki, child of Loki:

    Is the GOP big enough to contain both egos from Trump and Gingrich?

    It’s not clear that The Universe is big enough, in fact.

    We’re going to need a multiverse: Chris Christie is still in the mix here, too. (Maybe Trump can be such a ‘radical’, so ‘fresh’, such an ‘outsider’, that he proposes having two Vice Presidents?)

  49. 49.

    chopper

    hey, if donnie wants to relive the 90’s in his attacks against hilz, who better to emcee the event than newt.

    shoot me now.

  50. 50.

    No One You Know

    @amk: you know who else was a blowhard with six wives? And bankrupted his country?

    There’s nothing new under the sun….

  51. 51.

    Citizen_X

    I have the bumper sticker:

    TRUMP/GINGRICH
    TWO BLACK HOLES SPIRALING IN TO THEIR DOOM

  52. 52.

    Citizen_X

    He knows what it is to have the world looking in horror at you for shattering their reality, much as they’re looking at Trump now. He can brief Trump about how to weather this

    Oh, fer gawd’s sake. Because he did so well at that before, right?

  53. 53.

    Ella in New Mexico

    The Newt’s thin skin and enormous ego are indeed very reminiscent of a certain short-fingered vulgarian

    I’m not sure I’m going to be able to tell the difference between the two of them, to be honest.

  54. 54.

    EthylEster

    Speaker Newt…barely bigger than an umbrella stand.

    (Extra points if you get the KV reference.)

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