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Too often we hand the biggest microphones to the cynics and the critics who delight in declaring failure.

Wow, I can’t imagine what it was like to comment in morse code.

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All your base are belong to Tunch.

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113Comments

  5. 5.

    Amir Khalid

    Angelic is the way to look, if you’re a spawn of Satan seeking to fool people.

  6. 6.

    germy

    Okay, the squirrels are out of control in my neighborhood. Early this morning I heard our cat downstairs thumping on the side door. I rolled over and tried to sleep some more.

    Later in the morning I went downstairs and found a half-eaten hamburger on a ledge outside a window. And a ceramic urn that had been on the ledge was in pieces on the ground.

    I thought squirrels were vegetarians, so I googled “Do squirrels eat meat?” which took me to a youtube video of a squirrel devouring a small bird (which I will not link to).

    Last year we were finding bits of vegetables from our neighbor’s garden on our front porch. Every morning. I didn’t know what to make of it until one morning a chewed-up corn cob fell from an overhead tree onto my porch while I was getting the mail. I looked up and saw a squirrel skitter away.

    They’re out of control.

  7. 7.

    Central Planning

    Has anyone noticed that conservatives/republicans/government haters tend to use the phrase “Think about it” very frequently?

    My son has taken up bow shooting (target practice only – I don’t think he could ever be a hunter). Anyway, the website for the place he was at today had a paragraph about the owner’s political views. While he never mentioned Trump by name, it was clear he was a Trump supporter and really just wanted people to vote. But every other sentence was “Think about it.”

    I’ve noticed one of my wingnuttier friends uses that phrase too. Is that something that Alex Jones/Rush Limbaugh/et al. use to rile up their listeners?

  14. 14.

    ? Martin

    @Central Planning:

    I’ve noticed one of my wingnuttier friends uses that phrase too. Is that something that Alex Jones/Rush Limbaugh/et al. use to rile up their listeners?

    “Ignore the talk of racism, you know that whites are the better race”

  16. 16.

    Hal

    @Central Planning: I baited a squirrel trap with a leftover chicken wing a few years ago to try and catch the squirrel living in my attic and came out a half hour later to find the squirrel running up a tree with the chicken wing in his mouth.

  18. 18.

    germy

    The Grasshopper and the Ant

    ONE day in winter a hungry Grasshopper applied to an Ant for some
    of the food which they had stored.

    “Why,” said the Ant, “did you not store up some food for yourself,
    instead of singing all the time?”

    “So I did,” said the Grasshopper; “so I did; but you fellows broke
    in and carried it all away.”

    (Ambrose Bierce)

  19. 19.

    ? Martin

    @Hal: We catch squirrels all the time. Peanut butter. Probably caught 20 of them by now, and we release them several miles away.

  21. 21.

    germy

    The Crab and His Son

    A LOGICAL Crab said to his Son, “Why do you not walk straight
    forward? Your sidelong gait is singularly ungraceful.”

    “Why don’t you walk straight forward yourself,” said the Son.

    “Erring youth,” replied the Logical Crab, “you are introducing new
    and irrelevant matter.”

    (Ambrose Bierce)

  22. 22.

    redshirt

    I have the biggest, fattest grey squirrels you’ve ever seen. Yuge.

    I go to the city and see these scrawny, ratty looking cousins and just shake my head. Sad.

  23. 23.

    Ultraviolet Thunder

    I have two chipmunks living in a rock pile by my patio, and 4 other species. The red squirrels are king bastards of the bunch. Aggressive and destructive.
    The chipmunks spend all day meticulously hoovering up the thistle seed I put out for the mourning doves. And chasing the doves off. Two chipmunks may mean chipmunk babies. We had a litter a few years ago and if there’s anything in the world cuter than tiny chipmunks learning to raid a bird feeder I don’t know what it is.

  25. 25.

    I'mNotSureWhoIWantToBeYet

    @redshirt: I assume the reason why we have so many red foxes around now is that the local cars weren’t squishing enough of the squirrels. We’ve got lots of chipmunks (ground squirrels) now too…

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  26. 26.

    Amir Khalid

    @germy:
    From the Wikpedia article on squirrels:

    Predatory behavior has been noted by various species of ground squirrels, in particular the thirteen-lined ground squirrel.[14] For example, Bailey, a scientist in the 1920s, observed a thirteen-lined ground squirrel preying upon a young chicken.[15] Wistrand reported seeing this same species eating a freshly killed snake.[16] Whitaker examined the stomachs of 139 thirteen-lined ground squirrels and found bird flesh in four of the specimens and the remains of a short-tailed shrew in one;[17] Bradley, examining white-tailed antelope squirrels’ stomachs, found at least 10% of his 609 specimens’ stomachs contained some type of vertebrate, mostly lizards and rodents.[18] Morgart observed a white-tailed antelope squirrel capturing and eating a silky pocket mouse.[19]

  27. 27.

    smith

    I would really hate squirrels (they dig up all my tulips), except I have raccoons to hate (bill of particulars too long to cite).

  28. 28.

    gindy51

    Tomorrow my three get their fist baths of the year… the Swissies: 130 pound Hannibal, 85 pound Dany, and our pyr/lab shed machine 75 pound Mouse… It’s gonna be a lot of fun… torture time!!!!!!

  30. 30.

    germy

    I hope the squirrel enjoyed the half hamburger. I just wish he hadn’t kicked over the nice vase. My cat saw the whole thing but cannot provide a description of the perp other than a few sketchy details: fluffy tail, rat face.

  32. 32.

    redshirt

    @Ultraviolet Thunder: I’ve been thinking of how I’m affecting the forest around me by having bird feeders. By my rough estimates I’m putting in 53,000 calories a month in bird seed, most of which goes to finches and chickadees, then blue jays, and then the ground feeders – mourning doves, red and grey squirrels, and chipmunks.

    As I said above, my grey squirrels are very large, which should make for a very tempting meal to a fox, owl, hawk, or other predator.

    I wonder how far those sunflower seed calories transfer into the wider ecosphere.

  33. 33.

    germy

    The Sportsman and the Squirrel

    A SPORTSMAN who had wounded a Squirrel, which was making desperate
    efforts to drag itself away, ran after it with a stick, exclaiming:

    “Poor thing! I will put it out of its misery.”

    At that moment the Squirrel stopped from exhaustion, and looking
    up at its enemy, said:

    “I don’t venture to doubt the sincerity of your compassion, though
    it comes rather late, but you seem to lack the faculty of
    observation. Do you not perceive by my actions that the dearest
    wish of my heart is to continue in my misery?”

    At this exposure of his hypocrisy, the Sportsman was so overcome
    with shame and remorse that he would not strike the Squirrel, but
    pointing it out to his dog, walked thoughtfully away.

    (Ambrose Bierce)

  34. 34.

    Betty Cracker

    @redshirt: After living in Florida all my life, where we have puny little brown squirrels, I moved to Boston for a few years. The first time I sat down on a bench in Boston Common, I was approached by this monstrous grey squirrel — twice the size of the squirrels back home. If smartphones had been invented back then, I would have snapped a picture of it and sent it to everyone I knew, marveling over its size. Instead I just watched the freakish thing, which was soon joined by another giant squirrel! And another, and another. Finally, I realized all the squirrels in Boston were gigantic. Took some getting used to!

    PS: Lovey is adorbs!

  35. 35.

    rikyrah

    @redshirt:
    The most aggressive squirrels that I have ever seen were in Washington, DC. They didn’t run away as you approached them. They looked right at me and dared me to continue coming their way.

  36. 36.

    Renie

    Doesn’t anyone use a fire pit in their backyard and does it help a lot with keeping bugs away?

  37. 37.

    redshirt

    @Amir Khalid: That’s interesting. I’ve seen the squirrels do nothing when chipmunks, doves, and red squirrels are all around them. They seem very chill and I’ve wondered why they don’t try and run off the other ground feeders.

  39. 39.

    germy

    @Hal:

    I baited a squirrel trap with a leftover chicken wing a few years ago to try and catch the squirrel living in my attic and came out a half hour later to find the squirrel running up a tree with the chicken wing in his mouth.

    I’m surprised he didn’t leave a rude note in the trap.

  40. 40.

    Ultraviolet Thunder

    @redshirt:
    I looked into this and found that bird feeder calories are considered to provide a small amount of a typical bird’s diet in the summer. Most of what they get is wild forage. I do put out suet in the winter for the woodpeckers, but the fox squirrels get most of that.
    if you want to help birds, put out water in dry weather.

  42. 42.

    redshirt

    @Betty Cracker: The squirrels in the Common are basically domesticated and extremely well fed. I used to walk to work through the Commons and in the morning there was “Squirrel Man” who almost every day would cover his upper body in peanut butter and let squirrels climb all over him. He’d walk around covered in squirrels.

  44. 44.

    Humdog

    @Renie: I have found a fire in a fire pit helps keep away bugs only if it is smokey. A smokey fire also keeps me away! Best thing to keep the bugs off is to go outside when it is windy. But again, windy days keep me inside too! Buggy summers stink for enjoying the outdoors without bug spray.

  45. 45.

    Ultraviolet Thunder

    @redshirt:
    Red squirrel story: They got into the roof over our garage, as they do, and were busily filling it with spruce cones. Terrifically filthy job cleaning that out. One squirrel ran out of the hole in the eaves as I was patching it, dashed across the lawn and stopped to look back at me. At that moment a Cooper’s hawk that was hanging around hoping for a pigeon dinner swooped down and carried it off. I was amazed, appalled and a little bit satisfied at the destructive critter’s sudden and violent end.

  46. 46.

    John Revolta

    Whitaker examined the stomachs of 139 thirteen-lined ground squirrels

    Now who’s the predatory goddam species again?

  49. 49.

    germy

    @rikyrah:

    The most aggressive squirrels that I have ever seen were in Washington, DC. They didn’t run away as you approached them. They looked right at me and dared me to continue coming their way.

    We have rabbits like that who come into our yard. Not afraid at all. They sit there and stare at my wife while she weeds the garden. (I suppose for them it’s like us watching Martha Stewart make a salad).

  50. 50.

    Achrachno

    @redshirt: Since solar radiation delivers something like 2000 calories/minute to each square m of your yard, I doubt that your 53,000 calories of bird seed make a measurable difference in your neighborhood energy budget. Might favor some species over others though.

  54. 54.

    redshirt

    @Achrachno: But it clearly favors specific individuals. For example, the 3-4 grey squirrels who are there every day. Some grey squirrel a mile away with no bird feeders available certainly must be at some disadvantage compared to my squirrels. How big is that advantage?

  55. 55.

    BillinGlendaleCA

    @redshirt:

    Instant karma…

    gonna get you, gonna knock you right in the head, better get yourself together, pretty soon ya gonna be dead.

  56. 56.

    Felonius Monk

    der TrumpenFarter is the personification of the spawn of Satan, not dear little Lovey — no matter how mischievous she might be.

    In other animal news, there is a big fat squirrel sitting on the roof of the shed in the backyard, there is an itinerant woodchuck grazing on the clover in the backyard, and undoubtedly, now that the sun has come out, one or more of the resident chipmunks will be shinnying up the pole to the bird feeder.

  57. 57.

    Ultraviolet Thunder

    @redshirt:
    We like squirrels too. My wife rescued two baby black squirrels when their tree was cut down. Not to be confused with her rescued wood ducks, bunny, garter snake, etc.
    One squirrel lived and she named him Skeezix because he was an orphan. He grew up indoors for a few months then she gradually reintroduced him to the outdoors by putting his nest in a tree during the day. If something scared him he would dive into the towel nest and hide. When two crows landed in the tree, she jumped up on a limb and climbed it to scare them away from Skeezix.
    I swear to Dog this is a true story.

  58. 58.

    Gelfling545

    @germy: I have been told by someone who works in wild animal rescue & rehabilitation that since the advent of better tracking & observation methods there is now some question whether any animals are truly solely herbivorous. I guess when you’re hungry you eat what’s available.

  59. 59.

    cckids

    @rikyrah:

    The most aggressive squirrels that I have ever seen were in Washington, DC.

    They’ve got nothing on the squirrels in Zion NP. I’ve seen them run up people’s legs when they foolishly pretended to have food for them, or actually fed them. And they are tremendously tubby.

  64. 64.

    James E Powell

    Open thread question – Can anyone recommend an ad blocker? There are quite a few to choose from and the on-line ratings/reviews are inconsistent. But you guys, I trust you guys. What do you say? I’m using my brand new macbook air with chrome.

  65. 65.

    geg6

    Well, both John and I got bitten during the bath, so yes, pretty Satan’s spawnish. But look how adorable she is afterward!

  66. 66.

    Ultraviolet Thunder

    @James E Powell:
    I turn on Adblock Plus on a few pages where the advertising makes the page content impossible to read. Mostly annoying looping video distractions. Otherwise I leave it off. It works.

  67. 67.

    Ultraviolet Thunder

    @redshirt:
    People keep flying squirrels as pets. Sugar Gliders they’re called in the pet trade. They’re nocturnal and adorable. I don’t know about keeping wild squirrels as pets, but I’m sure someone does.

  68. 68.

    burnspbesq

    The Berniacs in my FB feed are having multiple screaming, quivering orgasms because three counties have flipped as a result of counting late mail-in and provisional ballots.

    Which counties? To quote the 2,000 Year Old Man, “Glad am I that you have asked me this question.”

    Santa Barbara (white trust babies)
    San Luis Obispo (white college professors)
    Glann (more sheep than people; will go overwhelmingly Republican in the general).

    The delegate swing is probably less than five.

    Yay Bernie! The hoped-for miracle has arrived!

    Or not.

  72. 72.

    Ultraviolet Thunder

    @burnspbesq:

    The Berniacs in my FB feed are having multiple screaming, quivering orgasms because three counties have flipped as a result of counting late mail-in and provisional ballots.

    I’m telling myself this is a vocal minority amplified by social media, and that the majority are sane. But some of my FB friends are echoing the same ‘won’t vote for the lesser of two evils because why encourage evil?’ line. Truly discouraging. I tell you, after this election some things will never be the same again. It happened in 2008 too.

  74. 74.

    Achrachno

    @redshirt: Don’t know, it would depend on what percentage of their diet is bird seed. If you’ve increased potential squirrel chow in the neighborhood by 50%, then presumably there will be something like a 50% increase in your local squirrel population, if it’s lack of food that’s controlling the populations in the wild.

    A bigger effect will be on other creatures in your yard that are affected by any increase in squirrels — birds suppressed by more nest predation, but more squirrel dinners for foxes, hawks and other such creatures. Do you live where there are pine martens? They’re apparently semi-specialist squirrel predators and might benefit from you fattening up the squirrels.

  75. 75.

    Ultraviolet Thunder

    @Matt McIrvin:
    Thanks for that correction. The local pet shop calls them squirrels. I should know better than to take that at face value. They are so cute.

  78. 78.

    ThresherK

    @Ultraviolet Thunder: Do your Bernieac FB acquaintances post anything about delegate numbers w.r.t. California, before and after the primary?

    None of the ones I know have, it’s been all about cheating and suppression and non-scientific polls and “here’s a picture of the horde which will surround the convention arena in Phila”.

  79. 79.

    Ultraviolet Thunder

    @ThresherK:

    Do your Bernieac FB acquaintances post anything about delegate numbers w.r.t. California, before and after the primary?
    None of the ones I know have, it’s been all about cheating and suppression and non-scientific polls and “here’s a picture of the horde which will surround the convention arena in Phila”.

    Exactly: “Rigged system”, “Corrupt”, “Undemocratic”, “Will of the people”, “Superdelegates should support Bernie because ‘momentum'”, etc.
    Point out that it’s undemocratic that his delegate percentage exceeds his vote percentage and they instantly respond with “Shillary, blah blah, blah.” There’s no use reasoning with them and that depresses me. Minds closed around an impractical ideal.

  82. 82.

    redshirt

    @Achrachno: Western Maine appears to be right on the line for the range of the pine marten, so, maybe?

    I’ve had the bird feeders up for several years now, but I can’t say I’ve seen an increase in the grey squirrel population. There’s only 3-4 I see, and I know where three of them live (I tracked them in the snow). These tree live in three different directions, pretty spread out.

    I’m more interested in the benefits to the permanent chickadee population, but I’d have no idea how to measure it. They all look the same to me!

  83. 83.

    the Conster, la Citoyenne

    @burnspbesq:

    LOL. I have 3 Bernfeelers left (all women), one of whom is a lawyer in her 60s who breathlessly posts every USUNCUT and Seth Abramson CLAP HARDER conspiracy theory. She even posted the pic of the Havana May Day march, captioned “just a Bernie rally in California”. She’s the most credulous, clueless person I’ve ever met. I have resisted commenting because it’s just pointless. Are you commenting, and if so, what can you possible say at this point?

  84. 84.

    debbie

    @redshirt:

    They’re all huge this year. With the mild winter, they never bothered to hibernate and spent winter eating. Sometimes, they can barely scamper up a tree.

  85. 85.

    debbie

    @Ultraviolet Thunder:

    A trip down memory lane:

    According to the exit polls, half of Clinton’s supporters in Indiana would not vote for Obama in a general election match up with John McCain. A third of Clinton voters said they would pick McCain over Obama, while 17 percent said they would not vote at all. Just 48 percent of Clinton supporters said they would back Obama in November.

  86. 86.

    trollhattan

    @srv:
    We’re down to endorsements from a murderer? Things are looking better by the hour for November. Any word on the forthcoming Taliban endorsement.

  87. 87.

    Jeff Spender

    @Ultraviolet Thunder: My feeling is that it’s a vocal minority. Today Brandon Dillon, an unpledged superdelegate who will support Clinton, was elected the delegate chair for the Michigan Dems. He was opposed by one Buster, but even 2/3 of Bernie’s people voted for him. He’s the MDP state chair.

  89. 89.

    Ultraviolet Thunder

    @debbie:
    That’s encouraging, and thank you. This is the first election I’ve been through (36 years) where I feel like couldn’t guess the damage within two orders of magnitude.

  90. 90.

    Doug R

    <a href="#comment-5847208">redshirt: The squirrel scene in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was mostly trained squirrels

  91. 91.

    Jeff Spender

    @Baud: I have the distinct impression that the Bernie coalition might start to turn on itself. Certainly I don’t think the Buster expected 2/3 of Bernie’s people to elect a Clinton superdelegate to the delegate chair position.

    This reminds me of when a Bernie supporter at a county convention didn’t get why two union people were elected to be delegates for Bernie, simply because they were UAW, and the UAW supported Clinton.

    The person didn’t know them, but those connections were cause for “conspiracy!”

  93. 93.

    I'mNotSureWhoIWantToBeYet

    @Gelfling545: Reuters: Meat-loving calf eats chickens:

    When dozens of chickens went missing from a remote West Bengal village, everyone blamed the neighborhood dogs.

    But Ajit Ghosh, the owner of the missing chickens, eventually solved the puzzle when he caught his cow — a sacred animal for the Hindu family — gobbling up several of them at night.

    “We were shocked to see our calf eating chickens alive,” Ghosh told Reuters by phone from Chandpur village.

    The family decided to stand guard at night on Monday at the cow shed which also served as a hen coop, after 48 chickens went missing in a month.

    “Instead of the dogs, we watched in horror as the calf, whom we had fondly named Lal, sneak to the coop and grab the little ones with the precision of a jungle cat,” Gour Ghosh, his brother, said.

    Local television pictures showed the cow grabbing and eating a chicken in seconds and a vet confirmed the case.

    You thought the Chik-fil-A ads were far-fetched?

    ;-)

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  97. 97.

    I'mNotSureWhoIWantToBeYet

    @cckids: At least the squirrels are fairly small. The deer in Nara could be quite aggressive when we saw them (around 1998) – dunno if they give them prozac or something now…

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  98. 98.

    burnspbesq

    @burnspbesq:

    ETA: there were a total of 525 votes cast in Sierra County in the Dem presidential primary. It’s one of the tiny, deeply red counties in the far north that went for Bernie.

  99. 99.

    Cat48

    @burnspbesq:

    There was a Bernie pundit excited about CA too. I don’t understand why they haven’t figured out Hillary won bc she surpassed the required pledged delegate total. She just doesn’t understand why Obama picked Hillary. The Cnn anchor just agreed with her.
    Ugh.

  100. 100.

    burnspbesq

    @Cat48:

    My first Presidential campaign was 1972 (I have a McGovern/Eagleton button around somewhere), so I think I understand the Berniac tendency toward denial of reality.

  101. 101.

    Cat48

    @burnspbesq:

    So this is normal then at first. I’ll try to ignore the insanity then. I only got involved in primaries recently, but I always voted in the General.

  103. 103.

    germy

    SATAN, n. One of the Creator’s lamentable mistakes, repented in sashcloth and axes. Being instated as an archangel, Satan made himself multifariously objectionable and was finally expelled from Heaven. Halfway in his descent he paused, bent his head in thought a moment and at last went back. “There is one favor that I should like to ask,” said he.
    “Name it.”
    “Man, I understand, is about to be created. He will need laws.”
    “What, wretch! you his appointed adversary, charged from the dawn of eternity with hatred of his soul— you ask for the right to make his laws?”
    “Pardon; what I have to ask is that he be permitted to make them himself.”
    It was so ordered.

    (Ambrose Bierce)

  105. 105.

    FlyingToaster

    @James E Powell: I don’t use any adblockers per se, but I use Site Block and FlashControl. FlashControl seems to stop weird autoplay stuff (mostly) and for sites that slow down &/or crash my pageload (and I’m looking at you, ora.tv!) I use Site Block.

    Over on Firefox, I use NoScript and Ghostery, because it’s my work browser and I need a big hammer to get anything done. And I use several siteblockers and cookie managers for the same reason (one cm helps me block sites, the other cm lets me edit cookies, but I found it useless for blocking).

  108. 108.

    Achrachno

    @redshirt: “I’m more interested in the benefits to the permanent chickadee population, but I’d have no idea how to measure it. They all look the same to me!”

    You could try the simple and non-invasive method of “spot mapping” to monitor the chickadee population during the breeding season. You’d need to devote a couple of hours one day (or maybe two) a week throughout the nesting season. You don’t need to be able to tell them apart, just to record where singing, nest material gathering, etc. is going on across a grid you mark across your property, or from GPS points. It’s really interesting and very enjoyable. You’ll soon be able to determine exactly how many nesting pairs you have in your area that year. Here’s an article I just found. http://cefo.cornell.edu/fieldwork_spotmapping.html There are others, and maybe better ones.

  110. 110.

    J R in WV

    We adopted a shelter dog a couple of years ago. White lab mix, 9 months old when we brought her home. She had been mostly in a crate, had a pink rhinestone collar, obviously intended for a little girl, until she passed 50 lbs.

    I took her for a walk on a leash, required at the shelter before they let take someone home. She didn’t know what grass was, stopped at the edge of the pavement, lowered her nose to the ground, wouldn’t go another step until she assured herself it wasn’t dangerous.

    Brought her home the next day. Other elder dog was a loner, didn’t like it. After a few days Mrs J named her Alice, she fell down the rabbit hole and landed, well, here.

    Our house is surrounded by forest floor and big rocks, with little rocks around the big rocks. We have over the 25 years added rock walls, plantings, etc. Had many, many chipmunks. Which were the first thing Alice learned she could hunt and eat.

    Sadly, no chipmunks left within 100 yards, in spite of the multiple rocks under which they lived. Squirrels! They can be barked down from the canopy, even thought if they just stop and sit up there they are totally safe!!!

    Dogs bark and bark, squirrel gets nervous, jumps to other tree, another tree, falls, is eaten.

    We do have actual flying squirrels here. Long ago I was walking up the gravel road, and saw a squirrel in a tall tree up on the valley wall run to the end of a branch, and leap to his certain death! Fell like a stone for maybe 40 or 50 feet, then unveiled his secret weapon : ability to fly !!! Glided away up the hollow, landed down low on a tall tree, scampered up to the top, jumped to his certain death again!!!!

    Flew away.

    I haven’t seen the like again, but biologists who live both east and west of us say they’re out there, everywhere. But chipmunks, population depleted vastly !! Sad. Dog misses fuzzy/crunchy treats…

  112. 112.

    Mnemosyne

    @debbie:

    I’m still convinced the worst Berniebros — the ones sending death threats and booing Barbara Boxer — are former Paulistas. I think the vast majority of actual Democrats are going to vote for Clinton, just like the vast majority of Hillary’s 2008 supporters voted for Obama.

  113. 113.

    Mnemosyne

    There are signs up at the Giant Evil Corporation begging people not to feed the squirrels, but of course the generations of squirrels that have lived there since the 1940s have been well-trained and are willing to take food from your hand. Every so often, a hawk or other bird of prey will take up residence on the head of one of the dwarfs and the squirrels will start somersaulting across the lawn or running serpentine patterns.

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