Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

That’s my take and I am available for criticism at this time.

Authoritarian republicans are opposed to freedom for the rest of us.

I’d like to think you all would remain faithful to me if i ever tried to have some of you killed.

Israel is using food as a weapon of war. Unforgivable.

He wakes up lying, and he lies all day.

Many life forms that would benefit from greater intelligence, sadly, do not have it.

Jack be nimble, jack be quick, hurry up and indict this prick.

He imagines himself as The Big Bad, Who Is Universally Feared… instead of The Big Jagoff, Who Is Universally Mocked.

Stamping your little feets and demanding that they see how important you are? Not working anymore.

Well, whatever it is, it’s better than being a Republican.

The low info voters probably won’t even notice or remember by their next lap around the goldfish bowl.

“Until such time as the world ends, we will act as though it intends to spin on.”

“Just close your eyes and kiss the girl and go where the tilt-a-whirl takes you.” ~OzarkHillbilly

Impressively dumb. Congratulations.

Putin must be throwing ketchup at the walls.

My years-long effort to drive family and friends away has really paid off this year.

Whatever happens next week, the fight doesn’t end.

I desperately hope that, yet again, i am wrong.

Republicans in disarray!

Bad people in a position to do bad things will do bad things because they are bad people. End of story.

Republicans: “Abortion is murder but you can take a bus to get one.” Easy peasy.

Republicans don’t want a speaker to lead them; they want a hostage.

Proof that we need a blogger ethics panel.

If senate republicans had any shame, they’d die of it.

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Late Night Open Thread

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Today was a good day. Rather relaxing, got some stuff done, the kids didn’t break anything, the pets didn’t destroy anything, my cleaning lady did made her monthly visit and cleaned all the stuff that is a pain in the ass for me that hurts my shoulder when I try to do it (drapes, ceiling fans) and did a solid clean, weeded the garden and I got all my laundry done, and then I made a nice big salad and chicken parm and pasta with a nice sauce, and now I’m watching the last couple of episodes of the Americans and having some mint chocolate chip ice cream.

Spent a solid hour or so primping and preening Lily, which is one of my favorite things to do. Cut her nails, trimmed the hairs between her toes, brushed her, brushed her little teefus, and then her favorite thing, put a little bag balm on her ears and massaged them and put some more on the dry patches she gets in her armpits. She’s just such a good girl, and just sits there in my lap and let’s me go about fixing her up. I know she loves it, too, and just looks at me like I am the most amazing thing on the planet this side of bacon. At any rate, I love doing it, because she is so happy and I know it makes her feel better.

Christion and Carlo both think I should clone her. I probably would if I had a spare 100k lying around- a new breed- the LILY. I’m not sure how I would sell the breed, because she literally does nothing. She’s not super smart (she’s not dumb, but she’s just not poodle smart). She doesn’t do tricks or hunt or anything, she’s not much of a guard dog, and she has no real skill set other than just being super sweet, fitting well on a human lap, and serving as an appreciative vessel into which humans can pour love. That’s enough for me, but I dunno how many other people would want that in a dog.

Oh, and for the election, my sister got Thurston a special dog toy. Behold, the Dognald:

Dognald

It’s even got a farty squeaky toy, so expect some videos when I finally decide to let him play with it (he’s still eating Mr. Squirrel and if he has more than one toy he just leaves the damned things in the yard).

I guess that’s it.

Reader Interactions

52Comments

  2. 2.

    Major Major Major Major

    I did some writing and then decided to sacrifice some productivity to the gods of Warcraft.

    But the scene I wrote is good. Here’s an excerpt.

    Character 1, to cat: Well aren’t you a good little boy?
    Character 2, cat owner: Don’t lie to the cat. It’s impolite.

  7. 7.

    seaboogie

    Watching the filibuster…a bit o’ Senatorial vanity…and also a lot of good points.

    Also – FUCK the second amendment. But then again, I used to live in Canada, which is a sane place.

  13. 13.

    Mnemosyne

    Finally ordered a new iPhone SE today since I’m still using a 4S. I’m waiting for it to ship before I order accessories, just in case. Virgin Mobile seems to have odd supply problems with Apple phones.

    My current phone was named Alexander about 5 years ago, so now I’m debating what to call the new one. Since I got stuck with the pink one, I’m torn between Eliza or And Peggy.

  21. 21.

    Kropadope

    @BillinGlendaleCA:

    Ted Cruz is no Ronald Reagan

    Considering the aggressive mythmaking the Republicans have engaged in regarding that man over the last decade or two, I feel comfortable asserting that Ronald Reagan was no Ronald Reagan.

  22. 22.

    Kropadope

    @redshirt: I can never quite grasp what’s going on with srv. What point (s)he’s actually trying to make, whether there is some underlying philosophy that eludes my understanding. So, yeah, my guess would be that Trump is tailor-suited for him/her.

  23. 23.

    BillinGlendaleCA

    @Kropadope: That’s true. I almost added that Reagan was my Governor when I was a kid, so I ‘knew’ Ronald Reagan.

  26. 26.

    Joyce H

    I may have had a flash of prescience today – write this down and we’ll find out. Was watching some clips of Trump, getting weirder and weirder and more and more objectionable, but the pundits keep saying that the RNC and the Republican establishment can’t remove him because they ‘have to answer to the voters’. And it dawned on me – you know who doesn’t have to answer to the voters? The Trump kids. They must be watching all this, as day by day, Dad is making the ‘brand’ (which is, after all, their meal ticket) more and more toxic, and his chances of actually winning the presidency sink lower and lower.

    And it occurred to me – this is the way it ends. The Trump kids stage an intervention, pull the plug, haul him off in an ambulance and issue a press release that poor Daddy is Unwell and unable to continue in his quest to Serve His Country. (The official cause will allegedly be something physical rather than mental, stroke perhaps, or heart attack.) And then the Republicans are freed up to scramble for a new nominee, Trump is lovingly confined to a gilded imprisonment in the penthouse at Trump Tower, and Ivanka and Junior try to salvage the Trump Organization.

    You heard it here first, this is how it’s going to go down.

    Or, you know – not.

  27. 27.

    Mary G

    @Mnemosyne: You have made another HamFan. I’m not not into musicals and my ears don’t hear rap/hiphop very well, so I didn’t think I would like it. I have it free on Amazon Prime, and Sunday was depressing, so I tried it. They show the lyrics so I could follow along. It’s genius! I have listened to to it every day since and can totally understand why it could become an obsession.

  28. 28.

    danielx

    @Joyce H:

    It’s a nice thought, although I kind of like the idea of Newt Gingrich left holding the bag.

    Important issue: Has Cole gone on meds or what? This is the first Cole post I’ve read in quite a while that didn’t have ‘fuck’ in it somewhere.

  29. 29.

    ? Martin

    @Kropadope:

    May 3, 1994

    To Members of the U.S. House of Representatives:
    We are writing to urge your support for a ban on the domestic manufacture of military-style assault weapons. This is a matter of vital importance to the public safety. Although assualt weapons account for less than 1% of the guns in circulation, they account for nearly 10% of the guns traced to crime.

    Every major law enforcement organization in America and dozens of leading labor, medical, religious, civil rights and civic groups support such a ban. Most importantly, poll after poll shows that the American public overwhelmingly support a ban on assault weapons. A 1993 CNN/USA Today/Gallup Poll found that 77% of Americans support a ban on the manufacture, sale, and possession of semi-automatic assault guns, such as the AK-47.

    The 1989 import ban resulted in an impressive 40% drop in imported assault weapons traced to crime between 1989 and 1991, but the killing continues. Last year, a killer armed with two TEC9s killed eight people at a San Francisco law firm and wounded several others. During the past five years, more than 40 law enforcement officers have been killed or wounded in the line of duty by an assault weapon.

    While we recognize that assault weapon legislation will not stop all assault weapon crime, statistics prove that we can dry up the supply of these guns, making them less accessible to criminals. We urge you to listen to the American public and to the law enforcement community and support a ban on the further manufacture of these weapons.

    Sincerely,

    Gerald R. Ford
    Jimmy Carter
    Ronald Reagan

    Reagan would be standing with the Democrats tonight.

  30. 30.

    ? Martin

    @Joyce H: Trump can’t be talked down. It’s incompatible with his disorder. He will push until he wins or is prohibited from fighting any longer. Trump is all-in, all the time. He’s always been like that.

  31. 31.

    Mnemosyne

    @Mary G:

    Another cult member! It’s one of those things that’s deceptively simple and gets more dense as you go through it, and then you start trying to find all of the allusions, and you’re down for the count.

    If you go to the Atlantic Records site for the cast album, they have the user annotations from Genius.com that explain most of the historical and musical backgrounds to the songs. It’s surprisingly accurate, historically speaking.

  32. 32.

    danielx

    Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) attended a confidential dinner with more than 20 top conservatives on Tuesday night to plan his comeback as a movement leader in the mold of Ronald Reagan.

    For once I must agree with @srv, which is on the order of finding out Richard Nixon was an honest man. (I know, ain’t happened yet.) But seriously, folks – Ted Cruz making a comeback as Ronald Reagan redux? That would require a number of miraculous happenings, among them a personality transplant. For all his many flaws, Ronald Reagan was possessed of a deal of personal charm, of which Ted Cruz possesses not an iota.

  33. 33.

    John Cole

    @danielx: Has Cole gone on meds or what? This is the first Cole post I’ve read in quite a while that didn’t have ‘fuck’ in it somewhere.

    I avoided cable news and twitter most of the day.

  34. 34.

    ? Martin

    I’d heard this before but couldn’t find a reference to it:

    That the Second Amendment was the last bulwark against the tyranny of the federal government is false,” he said. Instead, the “well-regulated militias” cited in the Constitution almost certainly referred to state militias that were used to suppress slave insurrections. Payton explained that the founders added the Second Amendment in part to reassure southern states, such as Virginia, that the federal government wouldn’t use its new power to disarm state militias as a backdoor way of abolishing slavery.

    This is pretty well-documented history, thanks to the work of Roger Williams School of Law professor Carl T. Bogus. In a 1998 law-review article based on a close analysis of James Madison’s original writings, Bogus explained the South’s obsession with militias during the ratification fights over the Constitution. “The militia remained the principal means of protecting the social order and preserving white control over an enormous black population,” Bogus writes. “Anything that might weaken this system presented the gravest of threats.” He goes on to document how anti-Federalists Patrick Henry and George Mason used the fear of slave rebellions as a way of drumming up opposition to the Constitution and how Madison eventually deployed the promise of the Second Amendment to placate Virginians and win their support for ratification.

    The revisionist history of the 2nd amendment really needs to be countered.

  36. 36.

    Joyce H

    @? Martin:

    Trump can’t be talked down. It’s incompatible with his disorder. He will push until he wins or is prohibited from fighting any longer. Trump is all-in, all the time. He’s always been like that.

    Oh, you misunderstand me! He won’t be convinced to leave; the family with the assistance of a compliant doctor will make him leave. When he’s hauled out, he’ll be heavily sedated. For his own good, they will earnestly explain to one another.

    In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if the whole operation might be encouraged by some of Trump’s current or former business partners, the ones who prefer to conduct their business outside the harsh glare of publicity. These guys must be quite unnerved at the amount of attention Trump’s old business deals are suddenly receiving. At a sumptuous restaurant, they will carefully explain to the younger Trumps their profound concern that if Trump continues his presidential quest, ‘something’ might ‘happen to him’. If the kids could only somehow manage to get Dad out of the running, that would be a satisfactory solution for all involved, without harm to Trump. “And isn’t that what we all want?”

  37. 37.

    ? Martin

    Patrick Henry:

    “If the country be invaded, a state may go to war, but cannot suppress [slave] insurrections [under this new Constitution]. If there should happen an insurrection of slaves, the country cannot be said to be invaded. They cannot, therefore, suppress it without the interposition of Congress . . . . Congress, and Congress only [under this new Constitution], can call forth the militia.”

    Additionally:

    In this state, there are two hundred and thirty-six thousand blacks, and there are many in several other states. But there are few or none in the Northern States. May Congress not say, that every black man must fight? Did we not see a little of this last war? We were not so hard pushed as to make emancipation general; but acts of Assembly passed that every slave who would go to the army should be free.

    Southern states were worried that northern states, which opposed slavery, would come into power, disarm the militias, and end slavery that way – or that the feds would draft the slaves in the defense of the nation and do it in that manner. That’s what the ‘security of a free State’ referenced – the ability to put down slave uprisings. The ‘tyranny’ of the federal government was the fear that they’d end slavery. That’s what Republicans are defending here.

    Seems pretty clear.

    Jefferson would probably be on our side here:

    I am certainly not an advocate for frequent and untried changes in laws and constitutions. I think moderate imperfections had better be borne with; because, when once known, we accommodate ourselves to them, and find practical means of correcting their ill effects. But I know also, that laws and institutions must go hand in hand with the progress of the human mind. As that becomes more developed, more enlightened, as new discoveries are made, new truths disclosed, and manners and opinions change with the change of circumstances, institutions must advance also, and keep pace with the times. We might as well require a man to wear still the coat which fitted him when a boy, as civilized society to remain ever under the regimen of their barbarous ancestors.

    Times change. So should the law.

  38. 38.

    ? Martin

    @Joyce H:

    Oh, you misunderstand me! He won’t be convinced to leave; the family with the assistance of a compliant doctor will make him leave. When he’s hauled out, he’ll be heavily sedated. For his own good, they will earnestly explain to one another.

    There would be rebellion. Trump is obviously not disabled, and obviously does not present a threat to himself or others. You can’t really argue that someone who was chosen by 30 million people to be president is non-functional. The ACLU would be first in line to defend Trump, and rightfully so. There’s no law against being a cryptofascist racist asshole and no protection from being one either.

    They’re stuck with this guy. The voters spoke. A doctor and his kids won’t (and shouldn’t) overrule.

  39. 39.

    agrippa

    @Joyce H:

    That theory of what will happen to trump is plausible. I can easily see a breakdown by Trump.
    if he can get his act together he could win; but I do not think that he will get his act together..
    If he does not break down, i expect him to lose in grand fashion.
    Clearly, I hope that you are correct.

  40. 40.

    dogwood

    @danielx:
    It’s not just Cruz imagining himself the next Reagan that is bizarre, it’s that there are 20 human beings willing to meet with him and buy into it that is pathetic.

  42. 42.

    Susan K of the tech support

    Applause to Chris Murphy of Connecticut and all the Senate Dems who held the filibuster today. Just finished. So amazing.

  44. 44.

    ? Martin

    @Mnemosyne:

    Virgin Mobile seems to have odd supply problems with Apple phones.

    iPhone SEs are supply constrained. Apple is having trouble making enough of them.

  46. 46.

    opiejeanne

    @Mnemosyne: I haven’t gotten to listen to the whole thing, but I did hear a bit this week on the Tony Awards and the show before it, 60 Minutes? The wordplay got me interested but I was impressed as hell that they mentioned “The World Turned Upside Down” in “Yorktown”.

    And I still giggle over King George III’s song, “You’ll Be Back”.

  48. 48.

    Matt McIrvin

    @Joyce H: I’ve been wondering about Ivanka for a while. She’s been loyal to her dad so far, but she seems smarter than he is. And she’s a Jewish convert with a Jewish husband, associated with a campaign that has been getting a lot of its more vocal support from out-and-out Nazis who spam anti-Trump writers with antisemitic death threats. One wonders if there’s a breaking point.

  49. 49.

    TaMara (HFG)

    I am so buying that stuffie and giving it to Bixby on election night – he will have it destroyed in short order. It will be very satisfying as we a) celebrate or b) pack to leave the country.

  50. 50.

    Mnemosyne

    @? Martin:

    Contrary to what the most vocal bros on the internet say, some of us actually prefer a phone with a 4-inch screen because we don’t have gigantic hands and don’t want to hold a tablet up to our ear in order to make a call. I think there’s been a lot of pent-up demand for a not-ginormous iPhone.

    But Virgin Mobile definitely had some serious iPhone issues that may have been network-related — for about a year and a half, they weren’t carrying the iPhone at all.

  51. 51.

    jg

    Great post JC! yarns of your life w dogs always brings a smile to my face. Lily is the bomb-diggity!

    congrats on the Pens! well-deserved! they outplayed all opponents and coaches were tippy-top. I thought Blues were gonna lift the Cup but they couldn’t keep up w Sharks speed. Pens speed made Sharks look silly. Blues would have been swept.

  52. 52.

    Theodore Wirth

    Whether it’s a post consisting of a single word or with any bonus material, I love reading John Cole.

    Thank you for your hard work.

    Over and out.

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