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You are here: Home / Politics / Politicans / Cruz-ifiction / Open Thread: Return of the Cruz-ifiction Candidate

Open Thread: Return of the Cruz-ifiction Candidate

by Anne Laurie|  June 16, 20165:31 pm| 72 Comments

This post is in: Cruz-ifiction, Election 2016, Fables Of The Reconstruction, Open Threads, Religious Nuts, Republican Venality, Republicans in Disarray!, Assholes

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.@TedCruz calls the gun filibuster a "sideshow" and says "it was offensive to see Democrat after Democrat rattling on about the NRA."

— Sahil Kapur (@sahilkapur) June 16, 2016

With the Democrats openly rebelling against the NRA (and the GOP candidate flailing on all fronts), a call went out in search of a New Hope. And guess who happened to be waiting by the phone…

You don't defeat terrorism by taking away our guns. You defeat terrorism by using our guns. https://t.co/JppvzOuH5U

— Senator Ted Cruz (@SenTedCruz) June 16, 2016

From the Hill, yesterday:

Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) attended a confidential dinner with more than 20 top conservatives on Tuesday night to plan his comeback as a movement leader in the mold of Ronald Reagan.

The dinner was at the Virginia home of conservative activist Brent Bozell, and the agenda was to plot Cruz’s future and the future of the conservative movement.

The undertone of the dinner was about how to position Cruz for a future tilt at the presidency and to spearhead the conservative movement from his seat in the Senate, those in attendance said.

Dining with Cruz and his chief of staff, Paul Teller, were some of the most powerful figures in the conservative movement.

The spectrum of economic, national security and social conservatives seated at the table included Heritage Foundation President Jim DeMint, Club for Growth President David McIntosh, direct-mail guru Richard Viguerie, National Rifle Association board member and former Cincinnati Mayor Ken Blackwell, and Susan B. Anthony List President Marjorie Dannenfelser, sources confirmed…

Many of the leaders at the dinner want Cruz to run for president again, and they are viewing Cruz’s unsuccessful 2016 run as similar to Reagan’s failed attempt in 1976 to unseat the incumbent Republican president, Gerald Ford…

Reagan gave the grifting bigots of the “Moral Majority” a comfy seat at the top table, back in the day when AIDS was still a mysterious new “gay plague”. And as far as these good Christianists are concerned, it’s not as though the Orlando massacre involved, you know, actual American people — just “pawns of the devil“…

On Senate floor, Ted Cruz calls Dems' #filibuster a "political show"
"This is not a gun control issue — this is a terrorism issue"

— Betsy Woodruff (@woodruffbets) June 16, 2016

He filibustered to take away people's health coverage. https://t.co/pANe5FIvCA

— Bob Schooley (@Rschooley) June 16, 2016

The only possible gleam of light I can see from #Failgunner Ted’s re-emergence is that he might’ve timed it badly. He’ll never go away, but one can hope there’s enough public revulsion at his new grab for the spotlight to send him back to the fever swamps for a while.

@sahilkapur @tedcruz Cruz is a sniveling coward.THIS is what's really offensive and his hypocrisy is staggering pic.twitter.com/aTgnJx0Bnw

— B. A. Mahrab (@BAMahrab) June 16, 2016

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Previous Post: « Fuck You, John McCain
Next Post: Further To John McCain’s Rusty Pitchfork Encounter »

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72Comments

  1. 1.

    charluckles

    June 16, 2016 at 5:35 pm

    I don’t get why they don’t get it. Cruz is one of the most, if not the most unappealing candidates for President I have ever seen. And that’s not even touching on his policies.

  2. 2.

    Baud

    June 16, 2016 at 5:36 pm

    they are viewing Cruz’s unsuccessful 2016 run as similar to Reagan’s failed attempt in 1976 to unseat the incumbent Republican president, Gerald Ford…

    Wasn’t Reagan actually liked by people?

  3. 3.

    Tilda Swinton's Bald Cap

    June 16, 2016 at 5:37 pm

    To no one’s surprise: Link.

  4. 4.

    The Other Chuck

    June 16, 2016 at 5:38 pm

    Why yes, it is a terrorism issue. Glad you brought that up.

    The NRA supports terrorists.

  5. 5.

    Mary G

    June 16, 2016 at 5:38 pm

    The Dems spoke about guns; Ted Cruz read Green Eggs and Ham.”

  6. 6.

    c u n d gulag

    June 16, 2016 at 5:39 pm

    Ted is like that festering pustule on you ass, or an STD, that can’t be eliminated.

    Yeah, Ted, stopping gun violence is nowhere are as important as stopping people from getting affordable health care!

    Huge Texas 50-gallon hat, meet an ass you can barely cover!

    .
    Have your read a copy of “Green Eggs & Ham,” with the author’s meaning explained to you, line by line?

    No, probably not.
    Maybe one of your daughters – who appear not to be your biggest fans – can explain it to youI

  7. 7.

    Ajabu

    June 16, 2016 at 5:39 pm

    The Tailgunner can not fail. He can only be failed.
    Repeatedly. Till his sorry ass dies.
    Slimy mothafucka…

  8. 8.

    Smedley Darlington Prunebanks (formerly Mumphrey, et al.)

    June 16, 2016 at 5:39 pm

    I deeply hope that Ted Cruz makes another run at the presidency. Shit, he can make Donald Trump seem positively lovable.

  9. 9.

    Feebog

    June 16, 2016 at 5:40 pm

    So they want to take the stake out of his heart and see if he really is of the undead? There is a reason he stalled out on the campaign trail, and it wasn’t all due to Trump. Cruz is an smarmy creep who oozes insincerity. That comes across every time he opens his yap. Plus, the most punchable face in politics. Go back to Texas Ted, its over.

  10. 10.

    Corner Stone

    June 16, 2016 at 5:41 pm

    Ted Cruz is the fucking worst.

  11. 11.

    Baud

    June 16, 2016 at 5:41 pm

    I am looking forward to the media event where Cruz shows the world that he’s learned how to speak basketball correctly.

  12. 12.

    Smedley Darlington Prunebanks (formerly Mumphrey, et al.)

    June 16, 2016 at 5:42 pm

    @Feebog:
    Well, I don’t know; I think Tom Cotton has a face at least as punchable as Cruz’s.

  13. 13.

    Corner Stone

    June 16, 2016 at 5:43 pm

    And some, I assume, are good people.

  14. 14.

    Tom Q

    June 16, 2016 at 5:44 pm

    I will point out that Anne Laurie consistently underestimated Cruz last year — saying over and over that he was strictly in it for the grift, that he had no chance of actually competing for votes. Instead, he ended up one of the last three standing, and that’s with the real handicap of a facing a candidate whose best showing was in what should have been Cruz territory, the evangelical south.

    None of this is to say that I think Cruz could, barring, calamity, ever be elected president. But I think he speaks to the ugly chunk of the party quite as well as Trump does, and I don’t think it’s impossible he could be the (losing) GOP nominee four years hence.

  15. 15.

    Corner Stone

    June 16, 2016 at 5:44 pm

    @Smedley Darlington Prunebanks (formerly Mumphrey, et al.): The fields of honor at dawn, sir. You have been called.

  16. 16.

    sm*t cl*de

    June 16, 2016 at 5:46 pm

    Is the NRA a subsidiary of the Republican party, or vice versa?

  17. 17.

    Kay

    June 16, 2016 at 5:47 pm

    to plan his comeback as a movement leader in the mold of Ronald Reagan.

    OMG, what is wrong with them. Ted Cruz isn’t appealing at all. He shouldn’t even be a Senator. He should be in an office in some Right wing think-tank plotting to overturn the New Deal.

  18. 18.

    Lolis

    June 16, 2016 at 5:48 pm

    Didn’t Cruz do the Green Eggs and Ham filibuster?

  19. 19.

    msdc

    June 16, 2016 at 5:48 pm

    Oh god, could we be so lucky as to have Clinton run against Trump and Cruz? That’s gotta be worth at least one additional Supreme Court nomination.

  20. 20.

    Roger Moore

    June 16, 2016 at 5:50 pm

    @Kay:

    He shouldn’t even be a Senator. He should be in an office in some Right wing think-tank plotting to overturn the New Deal.

    He should be at a McDonalds somewhere, asking people if they want fries with that. Except that he couldn’t hold down the job, because he’d argue with them if they ever said no.

  21. 21.

    Major Major Major Major

    June 16, 2016 at 5:50 pm

    I actually had to look up which one Newtown was. Too damn many to keep track of. Or I guess my brain just calls it Sandy Hook.

  22. 22.

    eclare

    June 16, 2016 at 5:52 pm

    Friend of mine in Dallas says it is firmly Ted Cruz country. I don’t get it, he is repulsive, reptilian, repugnant…basically I’m going for alliteration for Republican.

  23. 23.

    rikyrah

    June 16, 2016 at 5:53 pm

    I found this story hilarious ?

  24. 24.

    Mnemosyne

    June 16, 2016 at 5:54 pm

    @Tom Q:

    It does seem like our nationwide election is going the way of California. Out here in these here parts, the Republicans run sacrificial candidates for statewide offices, because there’s no way said candidates can win.

    (Arnold was publicly despised by the California Republican Party, so he was weirdly regarded as an independent by voters.)

  25. 25.

    rikyrah

    June 16, 2016 at 5:54 pm

    @Kay:
    He won because the primary was held in June or July.

  26. 26.

    swkellogg

    June 16, 2016 at 5:56 pm

    As we have often heard quoted, the only cure for presidential fever is embalming fluid.

    With this in mind, please kindly forward your generous donation of embalming fluid to:

    The Honorable Ted Cruz
    United States Senate
    404 Russell Senate Office Building
    Washington, D.C. 20510-4306

    Thanking you in advance,

    SWK

  27. 27.

    Roger Moore

    June 16, 2016 at 5:57 pm

    @Lolis:

    Didn’t Cruz do the Green Eggs and Ham filibuster?

    Yes. That was the one where he completely missed the point of the book he was reading. Irony is dead, and the Republicans are just desecrating the corpse.

  28. 28.

    Mnemosyne

    June 16, 2016 at 5:59 pm

    Also, too, I’m pretty sure there’s a whole lot of overlap between Trump and Cruz fans. It’s really just a matter of how much Jeebus-hugging you want with your racism and xenophobia.

  29. 29.

    Kay

    June 16, 2016 at 6:02 pm

    @rikyrah:

    To get the full horror, you have to watch him interact with voters. I watched on CSPAN. He’s just appalling- fake laughing, patronizing smiling and nodding- he lectures people constantly, literally restates what they say to clean it up/make it clear. They ask him a question and he first makes it clear they got the question all garbled up. It’s like a lesson, and he’s the teacher. Ugh.

  30. 30.

    Major Major Major Major

    June 16, 2016 at 6:03 pm

    @swkellogg: Something tells me that would be taken the wrong way.

  31. 31.

    MattF

    June 16, 2016 at 6:04 pm

    Not so long ago, we were debating the relative awfulness of Trump and Cruz. There’s a tendency to imagine now that anyone who’s not-Trump can’t be all that bad. So don’t forget, Cruz is, in fact, bad. Very very very very bad.

  32. 32.

    Gelfling545

    June 16, 2016 at 6:05 pm

    @Mary G: Exactly. How could anybody be expected to take a filibuster seriously with no green eggs and ham.

  33. 33.

    debbie

    June 16, 2016 at 6:07 pm

    Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) attended a confidential dinner with more than 20 top conservatives on Tuesday night to plan his comeback as a movement leader in the mold of Ronald Reagan.

    Of course, this would require a brain transplant.

    It’s hard to imagine that the nuts will be even nuttier in 2020 than they have been this year.

  34. 34.

    laura

    June 16, 2016 at 6:07 pm

    Did Cruz fry up some bacon on the barrel of his gun as an apetizer for the swell crowd of folks?

  35. 35.

    SRW1

    June 16, 2016 at 6:09 pm

    So this time the Republicans are gonna go with a motherf*cker they abhor and next time with one they absolutely can’t stand. Must be fun to be a congresscritter for that party.

  36. 36.

    Miss Bianca

    June 16, 2016 at 6:11 pm

    Help! A “Get Windows 10” icon has sneakily embedded itself on my toolbar on my work computer. Any tech heads here know how to get rid of/disable it before it decides to unhelpfully upgrade my system against my will?

  37. 37.

    Anne Laurie

    June 16, 2016 at 6:12 pm

    @Tom Q:

    I will point out that Anne Laurie consistently underestimated Cruz last year — saying over and over that he was strictly in it for the grift, that he had no chance of actually competing for votes.

    I will admit that I underestimated Republican primary voters’ thirst for smarmy gunfondling bigots against their authoritarian weakness for falling in line to boost the ‘most electable’ candidate. (And me a devout Cynic!)

    I also think that watching the Combover Caligula, a cartoon made flesh, cut such a swath among the “respectable” members of the GOP (lookin’ at you, Paul Ryan) has given #Failgunner Ted a (hopefully unwarranted) new confidence in his own ability to move beyond his natural (very) base into a more prominent position.

  38. 38.

    debbie

    June 16, 2016 at 6:12 pm

    Between Cruz and McCain, Ryan’s looking like the sane one. Which is very frightening.

  39. 39.

    different-church-lady

    June 16, 2016 at 6:14 pm

    @Miss Bianca: It’s too late now. You’ll have to get a Mac.

  40. 40.

    Miss Bianca

    June 16, 2016 at 6:18 pm

    @different-church-lady: Don’t I wish! Actually, I forgot that my tech geek friend emailed me a link to something called “Never10”, which just configures the OS so that it can’t automatically update. Time to check it out!

  41. 41.

    Benw

    June 16, 2016 at 6:20 pm

    @different-church-lady: Sun Microsystems or GTFO

  42. 42.

    hovercraft

    June 16, 2016 at 6:20 pm

    @Smedley Darlington Prunebanks (formerly Mumphrey, et al.):
    So funny, remember at the end when it was down to 3 republicans just couldn’t bring themselves to support savior Ted. If only they had rallied around Ted the presidency would be a slam dunk.

  43. 43.

    Gravenstone

    June 16, 2016 at 6:23 pm

    @debbie:

    Of course, this would require a brain transplant.

    Well, Reagan isn’t exactly using his any longer. The Alzheimer’s would just be an added bonus.

  44. 44.

    hovercraft

    June 16, 2016 at 6:27 pm

    @msdc:
    After Donald loses I think they would never let that happen.

  45. 45.

    SRW1

    June 16, 2016 at 6:30 pm

    @different-church-lady:

    Linux’ll do if you can’t find the spare cash in the sofa.

  46. 46.

    different-church-lady

    June 16, 2016 at 6:30 pm

    @Gravenstone:

    Well, Reagan isn’t exactly using his any longer.

    Was he using it before?

  47. 47.

    hovercraft

    June 16, 2016 at 6:30 pm

    @debbie:
    Those 20 are part of the Freedom caucus, the craziest of the crazy, the likes of Goehmert and Jolly and King.

  48. 48.

    Schlemazel Khan

    June 16, 2016 at 6:31 pm

    @different-church-lady:
    Just this afternoon I very seriously recommended my company replace all our PCs with Chromebooks. They are cheaper, more reliable, eliminate the need for a desktop & laptop, can be managed so that a local app store is the only source for apps that can be installed, are patched by google and much more secure. Add to that we could get Office 365 for $10 a year per user which is MUCH less than we are paying for MS Orifice Pro and I think it would be a huge winner. I am sure they will run screaming from the room.

  49. 49.

    debbie

    June 16, 2016 at 6:42 pm

    @hovercraft:

    Yeah, I’d bet Glenn Beck’s in there somewhere, assuming he’s off probation.

  50. 50.

    The Thin Black Duke

    June 16, 2016 at 6:43 pm

    H.P. Lovecraft had a name for these creatures masquerading as human in the Republican Party.

  51. 51.

    Roger Moore

    June 16, 2016 at 6:46 pm

    @different-church-lady:

    It’s too late now. You’ll have to get a Mac.

    Switching to Linux wouldn’t require new hardware.

  52. 52.

    different-church-lady

    June 16, 2016 at 6:48 pm

    @Roger Moore: Perhaps. But saying that wouldn’t be as irritatingly smug.

  53. 53.

    Roger Moore

    June 16, 2016 at 6:50 pm

    @Schlemazel Khan:
    You can also get Chromeboxes, which are the desktop equivalent of Chromebooks.

  54. 54.

    Adam L Silverman

    June 16, 2016 at 6:51 pm

    @rikyrah: He also got way to the right, which is kind of amazing if you think about it, of the current Texas Lt. Governor Dan Patrick. Had he run any farther to the right, he’d have lapped the ideological spectrum and popped up on the far left as a Bolshevik or something…

  55. 55.

    Roger Moore

    June 16, 2016 at 6:53 pm

    @different-church-lady:

    Perhaps. But saying that wouldn’t be as irritatingly smug.

    You obviously haven’t been around enough Linux evangelists. We can be at least as smug as those Mac losers.

  56. 56.

    different-church-lady

    June 16, 2016 at 6:55 pm

    Linux evangelists = O’Malley supporters.

  57. 57.

    Enhanced Voting Techinques

    June 16, 2016 at 7:00 pm

    The Zodiac Killer used a gun and Cruz is a big fan of them, just saying.

  58. 58.

    Schlemazel Khan

    June 16, 2016 at 7:21 pm

    @Roger Moore:
    True but part of my intent is to be as outrageous (from a corporate view point) as I can be. They claim they want “revolutionary thinking” so I am going to give it to them & watch the story change

  59. 59.

    lollipopguild

    June 16, 2016 at 7:32 pm

    @Major Major Major Major: The part about sealed with a kiss?

  60. 60.

    Villago Delenda Est

    June 16, 2016 at 7:33 pm

    @The Other Chuck: The NRA is a terrorist organization, in and of itself.

  61. 61.

    daves09

    June 16, 2016 at 7:36 pm

    @debbie: I love those confidential dinners where the guests go to the toilet to text their 100 best ftriends-promise you won’t tell a soul.

  62. 62.

    Corner Stone

    June 16, 2016 at 7:55 pm

    @efgoldman: It’s not close. Cruz is hands down the most punchable face in America. The gap between 1st and 2nd is like saying the earth is close to the sun.

  63. 63.

    EBT

    June 16, 2016 at 8:00 pm

    Can we start calling ted the one that is the son of the pedophile?

  64. 64.

    Corner Stone

    June 16, 2016 at 8:19 pm

    @efgoldman: I’m not letting this one slide by. Ted Cruz is the fucking worst.
    Fight me.

  65. 65.

    Humdog

    June 16, 2016 at 8:20 pm

    @Miss Bianca: when my computer decided to update itself, I merely chose to not accept the terms when the fine print box came up. It put my system back just the way it was before. I was only down a few buckets of perspiration while I waited hoping it would all turn out well.

  66. 66.

    redshirt

    June 16, 2016 at 8:23 pm

    @Miss Bianca: It depends on the nature of your PC. Is it part of a domain? Then it will not update itself automatically. Is it a standalone PC? Not sure what will happen to you. You might get forced updated.

  67. 67.

    Jeffro

    June 16, 2016 at 8:48 pm

    @efgoldman:

    Judgement call. It’s a real close thing.

    True, and look, we’re smart & talented people. We can walk & chew gum at the same time. There’s no reason why we can’t punch both of them.

  68. 68.

    Tom

    June 16, 2016 at 9:16 pm

    @Schlemazel Khan: I’m a Mac user but I also have a ChromeBox (basically a desktop Chromebook) and I really like it. It starts up fast and I can get 90+% of my work done on it (course development, teaching, programming). Plus it’s a low distraction environment so when I need to be “heads-down” to make a deadline it’s ideal.

  69. 69.

    J R in WV

    June 16, 2016 at 9:19 pm

    @redshirt:

    @Miss Bianca:

    Redshirt may be right. I recommend backing up all your files to DVDs or an external hard drive you don’t keep attached right away. Like NOW!

    That way, if MS Messes up your computer past all recovery, you can just get a Chromebox or Chromebook (or even a free Linux CD to install) and then load your files back and you’re in business again.

  70. 70.

    prob50

    June 16, 2016 at 10:05 pm

    @Roger Moore: Would you want to order a hamburger while looking at that face? The best way for Ted Cruz to be less repulsive would be to put his personality thru the biggest meat-grinder earth and then bury the remains under a nuclear waste dump-site. Hey, maybe his personality could reduce the radioactive half-life of the stuff. it sure sucks the life out of everything else.

  71. 71.

    momus

    June 16, 2016 at 10:46 pm

    If the Tedster wants to be a latter day Ronnie Reagun, shouldn’t he start by co-starring with Bonzo? His Bonzo being the Trumpmiester.

  72. 72.

    Skippy-san

    June 17, 2016 at 2:53 am

    I’ll tell you what’s offensive. A religious fucking zealot from Texas catering to fat selfish pigs with guns. Now THAT’s offensive.

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