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Republicans in disarray!

🎶 Those boots were made for mockin’ 🎵

Since when do we limit our critiques to things we could do better ourselves?

The cruelty is the point; the law be damned.

They traffic in fear. it is their only currency. if we are fearful, they are winning.

A snarling mass of vitriolic jackals

An almost top 10,000 blog!

I see no possible difficulties whatsoever with this fool-proof plan.

… pundit janitors mopping up after the GOP

Despite his magical powers, I don’t think Trump is thinking this through, to be honest.

“Everybody’s entitled to be an idiot.”

Russian mouthpiece, go fuck yourself.

Why is it so hard for them to condemn hate?

Schmidt just says fuck it, opens a tea shop.

Republicans are the party of chaos and catastrophe.

Reality always lies in wait for … Democrats.

The worst democrat is better than the best republican.

Not all heroes wear capes.

Black Jesus loves a paper trail.

Is it negotiation when the other party actually wants to shoot the hostage?

Just because you believe it, that doesn’t make it true.

Battle won, war still ongoing.

“Jesus paying for the sins of everyone is an insult to those who paid for their own sins.”

Republicans seem to think life begins at the candlelight dinner the night before.

You are here: Home / Past Elections / Election 2016 / Late Night Mockery Open Thread: Trump’s Travelling Mr. Universe Pageant

Late Night Mockery Open Thread: Trump’s Travelling Mr. Universe Pageant

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The Hill, Sunday afternoon, “Report: ’95 percent probability’ of Pence as Trump VP“:

A Donald Trump campaign stop in Indiana scheduled for Tuesday is raising speculation that the presumptive Republican nominee will announce Gov. Mike Pence as his running mate.

The Washington Times reported Sunday evening that Pence has a “95 percent probability” of being Trump’s choice, according to sources close to the campaign and to the governor…

The first-term Indiana governor’s name has surfaced in recent weeks as a contender for the position. Pence tepidly endorsed Sen. Ted Cruz of Texas before the state’s May primary, but later backed Trump, praising the chance to “take a new direction” in Washington.

“The kind of leadership that I truly do believe, to borrow a phrase, will make America great again,” Pence said during a Thursday campaign stop, according to The Associated Press…

And there you have Pence’s primary attraction for Lord Short Thumbs: He’s a cliche-spouting dimwit who’ll never challenge Trump for the limelight.

… Trump has said he will make an announcement before the Republican National Convention, which begins on July 18. Pence, who is seeking reelection to a second term as governor, would have to withdraw from that contest by noon on July 15 if he’s going to run as Trump’s vice president.

Former Trump adviser Michael Caputo said Sunday he’s putting all his chips on an announcement at the event next week…

Of course, President Obama will be visiting Dallas Tuesday, and Trump can’t stand the thought of anybody not named Donald Trump monopolizing media attention, so no doubt there will be some kind of announcement at the Indiana event. Any bets on The Donald taking this opportunity to prank the GOP by announcing a VP pick who’s not Mike Pence? Any bets on whether Pence would burst into tears on the platform, if so?

On the positive side, per the AP, a “summer time withdrawal by Pence… could provide an opening for Democrats. Pence has been locked in a contentious campaign against Democratic former House Speaker John Gregg, whom he narrowly defeated in 2012.” (And if Pence gets pantsed Tuesday, Gregg’s campaign presumably gets material for another attack ad.)

Despite Coulter’s and her fellow warhawks’ hunger for a man in uniform, last week’s Hot Pick, retired Lt. Gen. Michael Flynn, probably shot down his chances by affirming he’s pro-choice during a Sunday interview. As the WSJ reminds us, he’s also a registered Democrat:

… Lt. Gen. Flynn’s comments are the latest complication for Mr. Trump’s efforts to recruit a running mate after several prominent Republicans removed themselves from consideration or said they weren’t being vetted.

Sen. Joni Ernst of Iowa, a rising Republican star, said she was focused on her job in the Senate, while one of the Senate’s top foreign policy experts, Bob Corker of Tennessee, removed himself from the running last week. Oklahoma Gov. Mary Fallin said she wasn’t being vetted…

As the cowards run for cover politicians who still have their futures to consider withdraw, looks like it’s down to Pence, Gingrich, Christie (hahaha), maybe Rick Scott if he’s not indicted first. Rick Perry and Joe Scarborough both hunger for the job, and the nation’s political cartoonists and comics would no doubt add their prayers in support of either one. And then there’s this guy…

I would put the chance of Trump offering Cruz his underticket as approximately equal to chances of the Combover Caligula giving up his elaborate hirsute pretence and going full-metal Lex Luther. On the other hand, per Buzzfeed, the #NeverTrump/Rule 40 delegates are still trying to appoint a vice-president of their preference at the convention, and Ted ‘God-King’ Cruz has a natural affinity for fanatics and rules-lawyers…

Speaking of rules-lawyering fanatics, anybody been monitoring the Paulistas? They seem to have dropped under the media radar, but I can’t believe they don’t have any plans to (further) screw with the RNC in Cleveland.

Reader Interactions

60Comments

  2. 2.

    Comrade Jake

    The best line I saw on Pence is that he’s interested in the VP slot because he’s pretty sure he won’t get re-elected as Governor.

    Yglesias also had a piece on Pence when he was in DC, where he wrote that Pence was far and away the dumbest member of Congress.

  4. 4.

    NotMax

    Lex Luthor.

    Shall say it again. It’s all classic misdirection, folks.

    Pence likely is happier not having the whole so-called religious freedom dust-up chewed over again, this time under a national spotlight.

    Trump has no intention of announcing someone whom the “loser” press corps is expecting. It’s another opportunity for him to piss on them.

    (Hm. Gretchen Carlson's calendar is suddenly wide open….)

  7. 7.

    MoeLarryAndJesus

    There’s a joke here about cockles and mussels and Trump-Pence a bag, but I’m not awake enough to put it together right now.

  8. 8.

    hellslittlestangel

    I’m pretty sure Trump wants a running mate in the Lou Costello, dopey-eunuch-sidekick mold, and while I like Christie, Pence does have the qualifications.

  10. 10.

    Brachiator

    Well, Japan may soon be voting their own version of BREXIT. Abandoning their pacifist Constitution.

    Shinzo Abe has won a sweeping victory in elections to Japan’s upper house and there is now a parliamentary supermajority that supports revision of Japan’s pacifist constitution.

    With all seats declared, Mr Abe’s ruling Liberal Democratic party and its allies won 77 out of the 78 seats they needed for a two-thirds majority, but there are also four independents who support a constitutional revision.

    A Japan ready again to wage war. That could not cause any problems, right?

    I’m really looking forward to watching Trump give his views on this in an upcoming presidential debate. He will probably offer to build a wall around Godzilla.

    I don’t much care who Trump picks to be his running mate, and don’t care at all about media speculation about his choice. We will know soon enough. And then the real fun will begin.

  15. 15.

    dogwood

    Given Trump’s nature he is going to want to make his announcement on Tuesday when the President is speaking. No one in his campaign can control what he says, but I imagine there are those who can control the timing of events.

  16. 16.

    Villago Delenda Est

    I was hoping for Newt, but Pence is such a retrogressive jeebofascist dimbulb it makes perfect sense to pick him.

    I doubt any flag officer but the execrable William Boykin (“I knew that my God was a real God, and his was an idol.”) would seriously consider an offer by Drumpf.

  17. 17.

    Villago Delenda Est

    @Comrade Jake:

    Yglesias also had a piece on Pence when he was in DC, where he wrote that Pence was far and away the dumbest member of Congress.

    Louie Gohmert libelz!

  19. 19.

    James E Powell

    @Comrade Jake:

    Typical Republican. They’ve been spouting preposterous economic plans since Reagan.

    And the press/media just nod & smile.

  20. 20.

    Brachiator

    @Major Major Major Major:

    Well that doesn’t happen without our say-so, I imagine.

    Well, Japan has already taken some small steps in the direction of abandoning pacifism, this despite some saber rattling by N Korea. And nations no longer reflexively dance to the tune played by great powers.

    No matter what, this will be an interesting test for the new president, whoever she may be. And these issues and what a presidential candidate thinks about them are far more important than the typical blathering about whether Hillary Clinton is too “hawkish. “

  21. 21.

    Steeplejack (phone)

    @NotMax:

    M^4 is a professional programmer. He knows how to do it; he just didn’t know that FYWP would allow it

  22. 22.

    fuckwit

    I’m vaguely reminded here of cranky old Bob Dole and that Potatoe guy he picked as VP.

    When a party knows it’s going to get its ass kicked, they start scraping the bottom of the barrel looking for candidates to run…..

  25. 25.

    NotMax

    @fuckwit

    “Potatoe” was Dan Quayle, G.H.W. Bush’s v.p., who for four years was actually a heartbeat away from the Oval Office.

    Dole’s ticket sharer was Kemp.

    Two four-letter words. ’nuff said.

  26. 26.

    JGabriel

    Anne Laurie @ Top:

    And there you have Pence’s primary attraction for Lord Short Thumbs: He’s a cliche-spouting dimwit who’ll never challenge Trump for the limelight.

    Pence also has another quality that is extremely valuable for a Trump VP pick: He’s stupid enough to take the job – which, surprisingly, isn’t as common in the GOP as one would have thought.

  27. 27.

    cokane

    Paultardism appears to be over, for now. It really was a cult of personality. Rand just doesn’t size up.

  28. 28.

    JGabriel

    @GregB:

    Pence was once called an exciting presence after visiting a morgue.

    I thought that was just a rumor.

  29. 29.

    Elizabelle

    @NotMax: And now Jack Kemp (two four letter words, again) is the patron saint of compassionate conservatism.

    Paul Ryan (hmmm, two more four letter words) cannot praise Kemp enough, or loft his name into enough speeches and interview responses.

    Because you know, wonk. (Last four letter word, as applied to Republicans.)

  32. 32.

    M. Bouffant

    Junior Paul is probably trying to keep his idiot yap shut to get reëlected. Pops Paul is on old folks’ tee vee channels selling economic hysteria, so he’s just straight-up grifting now. I’m sure all the Paultardians are behind those two “radical” former govs. the Libertarian Party’s running.

  34. 34.

    Jeffro

    @NotMax:

    “Potatoe” was Dan Quayle, G.H.W. Bush’s v.p., who for four years was actually a heartbeat away from the Oval Office.

    Dole’s ticket sharer was Kemp.

    And what’s scary is, while I know “Potatoe” was Quayle, Bush’s VP, I could not for the life of me remember who was Dole’s running mate. Total blank. Sigh…it’s not easy getting older…

  35. 35.

    Jeffro

    @Elizabelle:

    Yes, the Tea Party and Kochsters have been renaming “public schools.” Morons.

    Morons indeed. I wonder what it’s like to have that mentality, where everything is so simple and soothing…government = bad, billionaires = good.

  36. 36.

    eclare

    @Elizabelle: When will someone point out, for all of you getting Social Security, that is dirty government money?

    Not you specifically, please do not take it that way.

  39. 39.

    Elizabelle

    @OzarkHillbilly: I feel so badly for the people of Kansas who voted against the horror show, but are still stuck on the ride.

    What a fail parade. There has to be some way to stop the Kochs and the radical CONservatives.

  40. 40.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    I got my old computer, that I was going to give away but no one seemed to want, to triple boot Linux Mint, OSX and Win10.

  41. 41.

    msdc

    Speaking of rules-lawyering fanatics, anybody been monitoring the Paulistas? They seem to have dropped under the media radar,

    No, they just moved over to the Democratic primaries.

  48. 48.

    Snarki, child of Loki

    Following the inevitable Trump/Pence defeat, I, for one, look forward to the hilarious sequel:

    PENCE/CHRISTIE 2020: IN FOR A PENNY, IN FOR A POUND

  49. 49.

    Jeffro

    @dr. luba: Yeah but sometimes you want the reassurance of knowing you can actually remember something…and it was only 20 years ago(!)

  50. 50.

    Woodrowfan

    went to school with Pence. Dense, self-righteous, a total dweeb. likeable only in comparison to Cruz. my Facebook feed is full of my fellow Hanover alum who are split between joy at watching Pence fall on his face over and again, and horror over him even getting that close to the White House.

  51. 51.

    sunny raines

    whomever trump picks, the number one characteristic of the pick will be vomit-inducing sycophantism. pence definitely qualifies.

  52. 52.

    NorthLeft12

    @Comrade Jake: Based on his handling of the anti-LGBTQ [oh, excuse me, ahem] “Freedom of Religion” legislation in Indiana, I think he could make a good case for dumbest Governor too.

  56. 56.

    mellowjohn

    Pence running with il Douche could bring the late, lamented Doghouse Riley back from the dead.

  58. 58.

    Barney

    maybe Rick Scott if he’s not indicted first

    I don’t see why that should stop Trump using him as VP. If he’s imprisoned before the election it’d be a problem, because that’d make discharging “the duties and powers” tricky. But just being indicted fits nicely with Trump’s pending Trump University case involvement, and his desire to look like an outsider. He could just say that anyone who isn’t due in court is one of the elite who doesn’t appreciate how great the American legal system is.

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