Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Well, whatever it is, it’s better than being a Republican.

That’s my take and I am available for criticism at this time.

This must be what justice looks like, not vengeful, just peaceful exuberance.

“I was told there would be no fact checking.”

“Jesus paying for the sins of everyone is an insult to those who paid for their own sins.”

This really is a full service blog.

An unpunished coup is a training exercise.

Hey Washington Post, “Democracy Dies in Darkness” is supposed to be a warning, not a mission statement.

Authoritarian republicans are opposed to freedom for the rest of us.

Republicans: “Abortion is murder but you can take a bus to get one.” Easy peasy.

Yeah, with this crowd one never knows.

It is possible to do the right thing without the promise of a cookie.

The press swings at every pitch, we don’t have to.

Pelosi: “He either is stupid, or he thinks the rest of us are.” Why not both?

You are either for trump or for democracy. Pick one.

I see no possible difficulties whatsoever with this fool-proof plan.

Celebrate the fucking wins.

JFC, are there no editors left at that goddamn rag?

Bad people in a position to do bad things will do bad things because they are bad people. End of story.

When they say they’re pro-life, they don’t mean yours.

Russian mouthpiece, go fuck yourself.

It may be funny to you motherfucker, but it’s not funny to me.

The republican caucus is covering themselves with something, and it’s not glory.

Balloon Juice has never been a refuge for the linguistically delicate.

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Bachelor Living

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Christion is out of town for his father’s funeral, Carlo is working 70 hours a week, so the last week or so has been some pretty unimpressive cooking. I’m basically putting no thought into things and just eating everything that is going to go bad. For dinner tonight, I had two hot italian sausages with grilled onions and jalapenos on corn tortillas (I don’t eat bread and I am not buying a bunch of buns for 2 sausages).

It’s a wonder CBS has not called me to put me on their show.

Also, I got sucked into an MMORPG and just had to break to wash a sinkful of dishes that was so dirty I debated throwing them out and buying new.

Also, rumor has it that Trump has picked his VP and will announce it tonight.

darthvp

Reader Interactions

148Comments

  1. 1.

    Hal

    I would so vote for Trump/Palpatine. We’re all going to die anyway. Might as well be at the hands of a Sith Lord.

  2. 2.

    NotMax

    Campaign is bigfooting itself.

    How many members of Iceland’s Althing will sign up? Dibs on zero.

  6. 6.

    Jeffro

    How did we get to a point where this crazy person commands this much attention, much less the actual Presidential nomination of one of our two major parties?

    Thanks a lot McCain

  9. 9.

    RSA

    Ditto on a dinner of stuff that will go bad if I don’t eat it soon: last night’s leftover grilled cod (marinated in lime juice and cumin), in a tortilla with lettuce, onions, salsa, and avocado slices. Pretty good, actually.

  11. 11.

    Corner Stone

    @RSA:

    Ditto on a dinner of stuff that will go bad if I don’t eat it soon: last night’s leftover grilled cod (marinated in lime juice and cumin), in a tortilla with lettuce, onions, salsa, and avocado slices. Pretty good, actually.

    Can I catch a bus over that way in time for dinner?

  13. 13.

    Corner Stone

    “I wrote a few words today.”
    I shutter at the thought at what Trump could possibly have crayon scribbled down on papyrus.

  14. 14.

    Chris

    @Hal:

    Besides, a Trump/Palpatine ticket would just become a Palpatine ticket overnight, that being how the Sith roll, so it would spare us the horrors of a Trump presidency for all but the first few days (or hours).

  16. 16.

    dmsilev

    @slag:

    So, does this make Hillary Princess Leia or Luke Skywalker?

    Well, since Obama is obviously Luke, that would make Hillary Leia.

    Bill therefore as Han Solo; yeah, that kind of fits.

  17. 17.

    Corner Stone

    Trump keeps telling us if we don’t “do X” then we won’t have a country anymore. We won’t, believe me.

  23. 23.

    Corner Stone

    @Chris:

    and Bill’s not cool enough to be Han Solo.

    What? Are you telling me that Bill could not play the swashbuckling smuggling space pirate?

  24. 24.

    Corner Stone

    Is no one else watching this Trump event? I am flabbergasted.

    This crowd is flat stonefacing Trump’s ass. They are not anywhere near into this speech.

    Oh. My. God.

  25. 25.

    Jeffro

    @Corner Stone: Brooks is saying basically the same thing today fwiw…something along the ‘healthy growth on the forest floor being able to overcome the rot in the canopy’ (paraphrasing but pretty close to his exact words)

    Check this out:

    One way to think about it is this: America still has great resources at the local and social level. Here in San Antonio, there are cops who know how to de-escalate conflicts by showing dignity and respect. Everywhere I go there are mayors thinking practically and non-dogmatically. Can these local leaders move upward and redeem the national system, or will the national politics become so deranged that it will outweigh and corrupt all the good that is done block by block?

    Um Dave I hate to tell you, but only half of the ‘national system’ needs redeeming – the other half is thinking quite practically and non-dogmatically. Only one half of our national politics is ‘deranged’. Has he relocated to Colorado or something, because he appears to be smoking the good stuff so much it’s turned his brains to mush.

  28. 28.

    Mary G

    I just had a piece of leftover pepperoni pizza and a PB&J with Rainier cherries for dessert, so you have me beat.

    Tomorrow I have a 4-hour nuclear test on my heart to make sure that I can have anesthesia for my hand surgery. Then we’ll go shopping for rocks and plants for the front yard.

  31. 31.

    Corner Stone

    @Mary G:

    Tomorrow I have a 4-hour nuclear test on my heart

    Nice to meet the next installment of Iron Man comics.

  32. 32.

    Chris

    @Corner Stone:

    No, I’m telling you that Bill could not be Harrison Ford.

    That is, even Bill could not be Harrison Ford.

    Only Harrison Ford can be Harrison Ford.

  33. 33.

    mike in dc

    @Corner Stone:

    Incredible tone deafness on display with this speech, esp. following the Dallas memorial. It just looks like he’s doubling down on the asshole quotient.

  36. 36.

    Corner Stone

    Please Lord to make my enemies buffoons.

    This was so bad MSNBC cut away from Trump. I would look for a transcript later but it’s so awful I don’t think I can chew through it.

  37. 37.

    Roger Moore

    @Jeffro:

    Has he relocated to Colorado or something, because he appears to be smoking the good stuff so much it’s turned his brains to mush.

    No. I think that we’re reaching the end of reasonable sounding “both sides” arguments. The Republicans are so obviously crazier than the Democrats that it just isn’t possible to sell both-siderism while sounding erudite and well reasoned.

  42. 42.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    @Corner Stone: This was so bad MSNBC cut away from Trump.
    Wow. That is something.

    They usually too-polite Chris Hayes did just laugh at the ex-Fiorina aide he has on his show, for reasons that I’m sure make sense to him.

  43. 43.

    Corner Stone

    @Chris: That’s not what you said. And sorry, but Bill kicked terrorists off Air Force One before Harrison Ford did it in the movies.

  44. 44.

    Schlemazel Khan

    @Chris:
    Nope, Bill is the devil-may-care pirate doing what he needs to do to get by while evading the worst brigands and crooks.

    Obama=Luke
    Bill=Han
    Hillary=Leia
    Koch=Palpatine
    Drumpf=JarJar

    It fits

    EDIT: @Corner Stone: got here first
    EDIT II The Editing! @Roger Moore: also too

  49. 49.

    Chris

    @Corner Stone:

    Nah, Harrison Ford totally did it first.

    (He used a time machine. The same one he then gave to Obama so he could go back in time and fake his birth certificate).

  53. 53.

    Kropadope

    @Roger Moore:

    No. I think that we’re reaching the end of reasonable sounding “both sides” arguments. The Republicans are so obviously crazier than the Democrats that it just isn’t possible to sell both-siderism while sounding erudite and well reasoned.

    It’s not only possible, it’s easy. First of all, too many people have an emotional need for it to be true. Plus if you have media bobbleheads doing all the talking while only providing little out-of-context snippets of what happened at a given event or was done by a given politician, you can catapult the propaganda real far.

  57. 57.

    Corner Stone

    @hovercraft: It’s horrifying. Watch for the crowd cuts. They show these shit-kicking pig-fuckers in the audience and they are so not into the words coming out of Trump’s mouth you wonder if they are planning to spit and roast him later.

  59. 59.

    Schlemazel Khan

    @Baud:
    I was trying to place him – you nailed it!

    I just don’t see anyone competent enough to be Vader. Plenty are evil enough but none with any skill or talent

  68. 68.

    sukabi

    @Jeffro: Do you really believe he’s visiting mayors around the country, or that said mayors are actually seeing David f’ing Brooks to discuss anything? Just like everything else he excretes this is just more bullsh!t.

  69. 69.

    redshirt

    @Schlemazel Khan: Vader was just a lackey. Palpatine was always the brains and the will of the operation. Heck, when we first meet Vader, he’s taking orders from military bureaucrats and being mocked to his face. Not successfully, mind you, but still.

  71. 71.

    Frankensteinbeck

    @Gravenstone:
    I felt like Champions was CoH-lite. The kiddie version, less complex and sophisticated in every way, including the graphics.

    @Jeffro:
    He his perspective, Democrats start out in a place of irrational dogma, believing in childish idealisms like actually helping people being the way to help people, or that minorities have problems that won’t be fixed if they aren’t more like that naturally superior being, the rich white Christian.

  75. 75.

    Patricia Kayden

    @Jeffro: It’s amazing, isn’t it? This is something that Reoublicans can never live down. It’s as if they were singing that Caribbean ditty “How Low Can You Go?” during their primaries.

  76. 76.

    Elie

    @Mary G:
    Best wishes on your test. Are you considering general anesthesia instead of a shoulder block? (I won’t be offended if this is none of my business)

  77. 77.

    Roger Moore

    @redshirt:

    Vader was just a lackey.

    Vader was Palpatine’s ax man, not an ordinary lackey. He was on the Death Star as the Emperor’s personal eyes and ears, and a lot of what you see from the military types is resentment at having this outsider there watching and waiting for them to slip up.

  78. 78.

    Frankensteinbeck

    @redshirt:
    Damn right not successfully. That was a perfect example of someone failing to understand the difference between official and unofficial power. Lucas is a pathetic writer, but that scene was brilliant, most of all because Vader is killing that guy and everyone is like ‘I’m not here. I didn’t see anything. Got NO opinions on the Force. That guy? My friend? Never met him before!’

  80. 80.

    Hal

    Just saw a clip of Trump saying Hillary was responsible for the creation of ISIS. So she’s a time traveler?

  82. 82.

    Mnemosyne

    I have about another 20 minutes to goof off until G gets home and we have to finish packing and start heading to the airport. I’m pretty much done, I just have to get all of my electronics into my carry-on.

    The stories about the TSA have him so spooked that we’re going to be getting to the airport about 3 hours before our flight. Sigh.

  83. 83.

    Schlemazel Khan

    @redshirt:
    True but do you really see anyone with the (admittedly harsh but still) leadership talent? Can you imagine any of them besting Luke and Obi wan with a light saber? I can’t see it in any of them. Bohner was the general Vader force chokes but I can’t make any of the lice that did him in as Vader.

    BTW – who is Obi Wan?

  84. 84.

    redshirt

    @Roger Moore:

    Vader was Palpatine’s ax man, not an ordinary lackey. He was on the Death Star as the Emperor’s personal eyes and ears, and a lot of what you see from the military types is resentment at having this outsider there watching and waiting for them to slip up.

    Sure. But he’s also clearly answering directly to Tarkin, an official. As compared to TESB when he clearly is answering to no one except the Emperor. Losing a Death Star shook up the hierarchy.

    It’s implied that Palpatine kept his Sith background and Force powers a secret all along. But after the loss of the DS, things started unraveling.

  85. 85.

    Corner Stone

    Tim Kaine is not my zero to five choice for a VP but actually, he’s not rubbing me the wrong way either.

  90. 90.

    Jeffro

    @Roger Moore:

    I think that we’re reaching the end of reasonable sounding “both sides” arguments. The Republicans are so obviously crazier than the Democrats that it just isn’t possible to sell both-siderism while sounding erudite and well reasoned.

    But there never were any reasonable-sounding “both sides” arguments. Brooks is off the deep end, clutching at straws, and making me mix my metaphors. In his far-ranging historical examples this time out, he really shows just how far he’s willing to go before acknowledging the truth:

    On one side we have a candidate with a nice resume, leading a party 98% unified on the issues, who is more fiscally responsible than any major party candidate in the last four decades, who has just been (mostly) exonerated by a Republican FBI director for her one last ding-able issue and had her long-time primary opponent finally but wholeheartedly endorse her. She has fully embraced the (out-going) Prez who helped get us out of the Great Recession and two wars, to say nothing of advancing marriage equality, getting healthcare for millions, and advancing climate change regulation to the greatest extent possible w/o Congress’ help.

    On the other side we have a highly offensive TV reality show star ‘leading’ a party that’s split on most issues (but unified on social issue stances that alienate over half the country), with a gazillion lawsuits against him and another gazillion examples of previous fraudulent dealings, with half of his former primary opponents ready to pounce at the convention if there’s the slightest ‘conscience clause’ opening and/or a second ballot. He undermines himself daily (hourly) and is so obviously unfit that even the previous GOP president and previous two GOP presidential candidates will not be at the GOP convention, much less endorse him.

    But you go, Brooksie…it’s all about the ‘purity of the local government’, or the ‘forest floor’, or whatever. Sheesh.

  92. 92.

    Schlemazel Khan

    @redshirt:
    OH man, great call, even sacrificed himself to the ultimate evil to empower the rest.

    Does that make St. Ronnie Vader? I could kinda see that

  96. 96.

    Iowa Old Lady

    Is anyone else watching The Tunnel? We just watched the episode we recorded Sunday night. It’s set around the Chunnel with a joint English/French police team. One of the things I like is that it’s bilingual. In France, all the characters speak French (except, realistically, the English cop) and it’s subtitled. They subtitle the English parts in French too.

  98. 98.

    Schlemazel Khan

    @Omnes Omnibus:
    Having read Alinsky he IS Yoga. The guy was amazing, seriously clever and smart and good. He knew how to use the force for good

  99. 99.

    muddy

    @Adam L Silverman: I was thinking of what you said before about Trump wearing a bulletproof vest and that’s why his suits are so ridiculously big. But I saw this pic and it’s clear that he carries his weight from the waist down. Perhaps it’s a bulletproof diaper. He also takes that models pose where he sticks his butt out so he looks thinner from the front. Of course no one can see him from the side so that totally works.

    I’m not even going to start on the fucking fatuous face he has on.

  102. 102.

    Chris

    @redshirt:

    If he’s Tarkin’s lackey, I can only say that he’s a lot better at his job than his boss. Go, Vader.

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Correct! Like I said: nowadays, they’re all Kylo Ren. Inferior rip-offs with less brains and more zealotry.

  104. 104.

    muddy

    There was this fantastic story in the WaPo today about a different Donald Trump, who they found accidentally while looking for Trump charity donations. He expertly trolls Hair Furor throughout, asking him to do a charity thing where you have to shave your head, saying he hopes they can get together when DT has more time after November etc. This guy is my hero today.

  106. 106.

    redshirt

    @Chris:

    If he’s Tarkin’s lackey, I can only say that he’s a lot better at his job than his boss. Go, Vader.

    Vader failed too. Failed to find the plans to the DS, failed to stop the assault on the DS. So much fail.

  108. 108.

    Jeffro

    @Patricia Kayden:

    This is something that Republicans can never live down. It’s as if they were singing that Caribbean ditty “How Low Can You Go?” during their primaries.

    Absolutely. Paul Ryan’s on a CNN Town Hall right now, telling a member of the audience that no matter how repellent Trump’s positions are, he just HAS to support him because the alternative is…Hillary Clinton (gasp). Principles be danged, impulsive man child candidate be danged, Ryan just HAS to do it. Ok Paul, I think that says quite a bit about you, quite a bit indeed.

    And semi-OT: Did some Republican witch or wizard cast a spell or bad dream on America one dark night back in the mid-late 1990’s, where ol’ Harmless Hillz appeared to them in a nightmare with horns and a forked tongue? Because I just do not get the venom and madness directed at her. (Maybe it’s just pent-up Obama payback? The death-rattle of a party about to split in eighty different ways?) I don’t doubt her convictions or determination, but HRC doesn’t strike me as Death, the Destroyer of (GOP) Worlds.

  110. 110.

    Keith P.

    No way Trump would go for a Sith Master as his “apprentice”; Palpatine would kill him in a week. Dooku, on the other hand…

  112. 112.

    ThresherK (GPad)

    @Schlemazel Khan: “How many assholes do we have on this ship, anyway?”

    @Jeffro: It started with Bill. A year plus after Desert Storm he beat GHWB, a man who was born, nay conceived, to be President.

    The right has been looking for their minds ever since.

  113. 113.

    Chris

    @ThresherK (GPad):

    As a few people have observed here in the past, Republicans believed that Reagan had re-consecrated the White House as a Republican-only domain in 1980. The sight of anyone else taking it back at any point since then drives them fucking insane.

  114. 114.

    kdaug

    Here’s a thing.
    My first thought was “Of course. These are kids growing up in their world. How could we expect otherwise?”
    My second was: “This will be tagged as ISIS propaganda by idiots on the right”

    But note the imagery. Particularly the way they’ve commandeered the “burning oil in the desert” motif. And the little red-headed white boy.

    Arab gangsta? Dunno. But millions of views.

  116. 116.

    Miss Bianca

    @Jeffro: Brooks’s whole gestalt would be somewhat different if he’d relocated to CO. Just observing. For a friend.

  121. 121.

    Jay

    Another bachelor’s recipe:
    7 am. Can of pork & beans in the bottom of crockpot. Pre-barbeque-sauced pork ribs on top of beans. 2nd can of beans on top. Set to lowest setting on crock pot (mine is Keep Warm).
    Go to work.
    5 pm. Come home. Eat juicy tender barbecue ribs and beans.
    Serves 2 or 2 meals. My lunch tomorrow!

  122. 122.

    Matt McIrvin

    @Mnemosyne:

    The stories about the TSA have him so spooked that we’re going to be getting to the airport about 3 hours before our flight. Sigh.

    You may need it. Last summer we missed our flight home from Denver International even though we were at an airport hotel, because we got to the terminal only 2 hours in advance. One full hour for ticketing and baggage check, another full hour for the TSA. And we spent the whole day there trying unsuccessfully to get a flight out because almost everyone at the airport was in the same situation. Ended up getting the first flights we could get a seat on and spending the night sleeping on benches at Chicago Midway.

  123. 123.

    Matt McIrvin

    @Jeffro: It is not Obama payback. Even when Bill Clinton was President, Hillary was the one they really hated. The loathing for her was absolutely more intense.

    I am pretty sure it started in 1992 when, responding to an attack from Jerry Brown, she said “I suppose I could have stayed home, baked cookies and had teas.” From the moment she uttered that sentence (taken somewhat out of context), Hillary Clinton was Ultimate Queen Bitch, the most hated woman to any member of the American right, and they wanted to destroy her personally. She was identifying herself as not a potential First Housewife, and it kinda sorta sounded like she had some contempt for housewives, or for being a housewife.

    And the hate lasts to the present day, so intense that it leaks through even to the American left, even though most people across the spectrum probably don’t even remember exactly what started it.

  125. 125.

    Miss Bianca

    @Matt McIrvin: that’s my memory of it too – that the avalanche of Hillary hate started with that (in retrospect, maddeningly unfortunate) remark of hers. It’s a little shocking now to think about how much that “baking cookie” deficiency cost her.

  126. 126.

    aimai

    @Matt McIrvin: If you read The Hunting of the President you will find out that the far right had its claws out for her long before she said that. The truly shocking thing about it was how easily the main media outlets of the day, and there were relatively few of them, allowed themselves to be used to foment what was even then a very retrograde, old fashioned, sexism.

  127. 127.

    Matt McIrvin

    @redshirt: I’ve seen it–she actually recovers a remarkable amount of public goodwill until the moment she starts seeking elected office, then it plummets until she’s either elected or quits, then it rises again. People don’t like to see her seeking power.

  131. 131.

    dww44

    @Iowa Old Lady: I’m watching it. And listening carefully as I have enough trouble understanding the British accented shows and then you throw in a bunch of French speakers (which does make the whole thing more realistic). I’m not getting the captioning on my public TV station that’s airing it, though. That would help. . Since I’ve such a hard time hearing/comprehending the dialogue, I tend to get major brain workouts during the showings. That’s all to the good for an aging brain like mine.

  133. 133.

    Calming Influence

    Pro tip: Hide dirty dishes in garage until wife/partner/room-mate returns, then sneak dirty dishes into sink a few at a time.

    Sure, it’s more work than actually washing the dishes, but it’s the principle of the thing.

  135. 135.

    Calming Influence

    @Omnes Omnibus: Good God, man, show some spine and think creatively! For instance, does your neighbor have a garage? How about the crawl space under the house? You could even arrange them in the yard like garden art!

  136. 136.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Calming Influence: I am in a 10 unit apartment building with surface parking. I can be quite creative about fake cleaning in most cases but dishes defeat me. They seem to need to be cleaned or acknowledged.

  139. 139.

    Nicole

    @Miss Bianca: No, I think Bernie as Obi-Wan is spot-on. Killed off early in the storyline, but still won’t stop showing up and lecturing the main character for two more movies.

  146. 146.

    CONGRATULATIONS!

    And semi-OT: Did some Republican witch or wizard cast a spell or bad dream on America one dark night back in the mid-late 1990’s, where ol’ Harmless Hillz appeared to them in a nightmare with horns and a forked tongue?

    @Jeffro: She spilled the beans. Talked about the thing that was not supposed to be named: “the vast right-wing conspiracy”.

    The media went after her 24/7 after that. Nasty and vicious, and it never stopped. Because, you see, what she was talking about really did exist, and she wasn’t supposed to talk about that. Even though it was totally true. Shit, wasn’t until the blowjob incident that I saw it for myself. Embarrassing to say, I did not believe her either, not for a few years, not until that and watching the media throw billions into smearing her and Bill over it.

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