You cannot make this stuff up. A guy named Schmuck attempted to teach an impromptu firearms safety course while drunk in front of the Quick Stop Deli on West Louther Street in Carlisle, PA (former home of me – Carlisle, PA, not a convenience store and deli on West Louther Street).
Christopher R. Schmuck, 39, was charged by the Carlisle Police Department on Friday after officers say they were called to the Quick Stop Deli on the 600 block of West Louther Street for a report of a man with a gun.
When police arrived, they found Schmuck at the front of the store, and they say he had a .45-caliber glock handgun tucked into his waistband.
Police say Schmuck, who was intoxicated, was giving a gun-safety lesson to two teenagers, and at one point, there was a live round in the chamber.
He did not have a license to carry the gun, police say.
Schmuck was charged with a weapons violation, reckless endangerment, public drunkenness and disorderly conduct, and is set for a preliminary hearing on Wednesday.
Needless to say: what a schmuck!
Name as destiny.
Yes and yes again:
I of course don’t wish for him to have been shot dead, but it is pretty striking. Black guy in a car who is licenced to carry, and as far as we know sober, dead. This schmuck? Not dead. Huh.
his cousin joe schmendrick was unavailable for comment.
Well, at least he wasn’t trying to sell CDs or cigarettes. Because *that* would have been *dangerous*.
seriously, someone aughta give this guy a zetz on the schnozz.
Final score USA 17, Iroquois 3. Did not see that coming.
He missed the Darwin awards by (separates the thumb and index finger by 1/8th of an inch) this much.
Adam L Silverman
@Emma: Appendix inside the waistband carry without a holster is not a good idea! This is a good way to get GLOCK leg, as well as GLOCK groin.
And I’m just glad they arrested him for something. He was about twelve sheets to the wind and lives about 5 to 10 miles down the road in Mechanicsburg. If this could have gone badly (and it could have), imagine what would have happened if he’d just stumbled to his car and tried to drive home?
Waistband, eh? He came very close to being deschmucked.
@Adam L Silverman: Well, let’s see…you mean, other than endangering other drivers, possibly driving off the road, into a tree or a wall or another car, and *then* shooting himself in the leg?
We’re watching “Victor/Victoria” on TCM. It holds up pretty darn well.
Adam L Silverman
@Miss Bianca: yep, that too
Hey, I was born in Carlisle! Many Dickenson grads in my family.
In fact, just returned from a week in south central PA with family. While there, my uncle told us about a fireworks store near them. We went (we wanted to get smoke bombs and those little ash snakes for the kids) and it was this shack with metal doors. We rang the bell, and the woman who opened the door demanded our IDs. Once she saw we weren’t PA residents, we were invited to peruse all of their merchandise, including the fireworks that went off in the air, which aren’t legal to use in PA. Never mind that I live in NYC, where all fireworks, including sparklers, are illegal. That’s not their problem. So, they’ll sell me fireworks that I can’t legally use, because if I do and get caught, they aren’t liable, but if they sell them to a PA resident, they are. That, in a nutshell, is the land of my birth.
We elected to stick to smoke bombs. They were sold out of the ash snakes. We ended up finding those at a roadside stand, where the owner’s 10-year-old son recommended buying these very loud fireworks shaped like grenades that he said I could throw on the neighbors’ porches and then run away before they went off. I’m sure he’ll grow up to be a credit to his family.
I can’t help but wonder how a drunken man found two people to listen to his impromptu gun-safety lesson, even if they were teenagers.
I’ll post again when it’s closer, but I just noticed that TCM will be showing Haskell Wexler’s Medium Cool (1969) at 10:00 p.m. EDT next Sunday. Should be a good lead-in to the GOP convention!
Wexler wove actual footage from the 1968 Democratic convention in Chicago into his story about “a TV news reporter [who] finds himself becoming personally involved in the violence that erupts around the [. . .] convention.”
This film was mentioned in a thread or two a few days ago.
Okay, glad you’re here. You’ll get this.
The fuckers at MeTV are really shaving down Perry Mason to get in more ad time. I know that on a lot of these old, ephemeral shows the cable channels pare the intros and outros, but on the episode tonight they’re really cutting into the meat in a couple of places. And it was only slightly less ham-fisted on the previous episode. They’re cutting even more than they did the last time around. Bah!
pseudonymous in nc
I’m sure Mr Schmuck is now deemed by the relevant gun-fondling authorities as having never been a Responsible Gun Owner®.
My standard position: Americans have collectively proved themselves too dumb and dangerous to be collectively trusted with guns. Sorry, ammosexuals.
I drove out of town today, and once I got into the county, where it gets very country very quickly, I saw a pawn shop with “20% OFF SALE / GLOCK / AR-15” on its sign. If guns are so great, how come they get sold in the skeeziest places?
Villago Delenda Est
A major problem with ammosexuals is that they have lost respect for their fetish objects. They do not treat them with the caution they should. They’re toys to them. Harmless toys. That can kill you. Harmless, my ass.
I kinda feel for the guy. It can’t be easy growing up with a name like Schmuck.
My Dad was at that convention. I need to dig up the slides one of these days.
@NotMax: I think the $5 term is “nominative determinism” – still doesn’t explain the dentist I once heard of named Dr. Dick though.
Oh, they managed to de-escalate the situation without turning the guy into Swiss cheese? Would it be politically incorrect to therefore assume that the schmuck was white? Funny how that works.
There used to be a dentist in Kuala Lumpur named Dr Chin Aik.
@Mnemosyne: I visited the Huntington this afternoon, got some great pics. Did notice that they raised the yearly membership $19.
@Villago Delenda Est: I wish they would just take up masturbation like the rest of us. We’d all be much safer.
@Amir Khalid: My dentist when I was growing up was named Dr. Chew.
ETA: His kids also became dentists and now run his old practice.
@GxB: There is a new doctor at my OBGYN’s practice named Dr. Seyman. When the receptionist told me, I laughed at her loudly. My friend’s gyno is Dr. Elizabeth Beaver.
In my little burb of PHX, we have a candidate for a local office named Don Schmuck. His signs are amusing.
it’s not a stretch to imagine the conversation began thus:
“Hey man, could you buy us beer? We’ve got money.”
“Sure, kids, but first lemme show ya sumpin’ better’n beer.”
I hope the judge finds him guilty and sentences him to change his name to Putz.
Spouse’s OB/GYN: Oral Knight. That always cracked me up.
Childhood buddy’s dad, Dr. Payne, was a heart surgeon and our neighborhood also included a Dr. Doctor. That was preordained.
@Suzanne: When I was in high school we went to the state debate tournament in Fresno, there were quite a few signs promoting a candidate for County Sheriff: “LAWLESS FOR SHERIFF”.
@trollhattan: My grandfather retired from the Army Reserve as Major Snow. My cousin served under General Mills. I guess someone he worked with made a Captain Crunch joke and that was ill-advised.
@trollhattan: Roger, Roger; Over, Over…
@?BillinGlendaleCA: It appears that Mr. Lawless was not successful in his bid to be sheriff.
And I lived in Carlisle for about a year! Sort of. I was actually at school in Virginia while my family was at Carlisle Barracks. And I worked one of those summers at the Famous Texas Restaurant on Hanover St. I remember seeing what I thought was Dickinson’s football team at practice and thinking, “Gosh, those guys are big! Why haven’t I heard of them?!” Turns out the Redskins used to have their summer training camp in Carlisle.
Dr. Bonebreaker was one of the prominent physicians in the area when I was a kid.
England’s Chief Justice from 2008 to 2013 was named Judge. (If I’m reading Wikipedia correctly, he was Mr. Judge until his appointment, at which point he became Lord Judge.)
Every gun owner is a responsible gun owner until they do something irresponsible, and then they were never a responsible gun owner. But meanwhile every other gun owner is a responsible gun owner, until they do something irresponsible…
It’s responsible gun owners all the way down.
@Adam L Silverman:
For you and Omnes last night: clowns and artillery!
Just One More Canuck
@trollhattan: Did he give you the news?
I used to like going to Carlisle. Well, I used to like going to Market Cross, anyway.
What a schlemiel.
I find it hard to laugh at these things anymore. The sheer stupidity of this gun humper and the good fortune that this did not end in a loss of life is pretty remarkable.
However, I’ll be willing to bet that Mr. Schmuck gets off pretty lightly. No jail, some kind of suspended sentence with probation based on his attendance at a substance abuse program. I doubt he loses his guns because…..the gloriousness of the second amendment.
I’ll try to remember to follow this story up.
Paul in KY
@Amir Khalid: He held them at gunpoint.
@Steeplejack: you are one sick, sick freak…I mean that in a good way.
pseudonymous in nc
@Carl W: He was ‘Mr Justice Judge’ then ‘Lord Justice Judge’, which all sounds very 2000 AD.
In the same building as my podiatrist: “Anita Hwang M.D. and staff…”
She missed her calling; she’s an optometrist.