One week ago today:
And tonight, during first dinner:
I’m feeding the guy like a hobbit, and it really is paying off. And his personality is really starting to come out, too. He’s a big goof. Now granted, I’m the one with food and bones and brush, so he’s always happy to see me, but he really does smile a lot.
Debit and I have agreed upon the best way to get him there is to just ship him, so I am going to once again rattle the tin cup. The cost is about 1100 bucks, and he will ride solo (with a driver) in a minivan all the way from my front porch top Debit’s. So if you have a little shake you want to throw in, that would be appreciated.
*** Update ***
STOP. We have reached what we need. Thank you all!
Mnemosyne
He definitely looks better already. I think you found him in the nick of time.
schrodinger's cat
Ask and you shall receive. Is there any other way other than Paypal that we can donate?
Craig McMahon
Would love to donate- but have no idea how to send you money via PayPal. Do I just need your email address?
Humdog
Has/will Walter meet the rest of your pack?
JanieM
@schrodinger’s cat: I second the question. I’m old-fashioned enough not to use PayPal, but would be glad to send a check.
Helen
@JanieM: Thirded.
JPL
John, Please print your address again, so those of us who do not like paypal, can send you a check.
I had an address and just looked on my email and didn’t save it..
schrodinger's cat
@JanieM: I had to cancel my credit card after using it to charge PayPal. Not once but twice. There were unauthorized charges on the said credit card immediately after the PayPal transactions.
Roger Moore
I just tossed in a couple of ducats. Walter’s looking a lot better, though he obviously has a ways to go on the regaining weight project.
Mnemosyne
Also, you probably said this before, but what’s the deal with that weird patch on his back?
Coin operated
I’m a sucker for Walter. Pitched in some coin….
Villago Delenda Est
Walter, new celebrity pet of Balloon Juice.
Svensker
Good grief, that top picture is a DOG? It looks like something out of a scifi movie. Poor guy. Been doing life-y stuff and missed the story, but Cole seems to have done something wonderful for a fellow creature yet again. Pitched in a few loonies to get Walter to his well-deserved home.
Pogonip
Tapped out–this is yet another great cause we can’t afford, my dad’s final illness having emptied the kitty–but I’ll cheer you on. Pleased to hear Walter gets to travel in style!
Cole, I know right now you are only doing the Poop Scoopin’ Boogie, but what plans do you have for your house in the long run?
Also, what happened to Shawn? You haven’t mentioned him in a while. Did he get a house too?
Craig McMahon
There’s a button on the right side that says “Donate with Paypal.” Didn’t see it while on my phone, but it’s clear enough on a laptop or desktop.
Pogonip
Walter’s fur is growing back pretty quickly! Has he barked yet?
Mary G
Can’t do it until Monday, but will do.
Macbethchick
Fur is shining up. Those oil glands must be kicking in. What a lucky dog. Company scrip coming your way.
rikyrah
You are good people, Cole.
Gave what I could.
SiubhanDuinne
I love Walter updates! He really looks a lot better — his coat is definitely shinier, and even though he’s still painfully thin, you can tell by his posture that he feels better. Good work, John Cole, and please give us frequent updates, with photos.
Changing the subject altogether, in response to popular demand (okay, I think one person kind of halfheartedly encouraged me), I have written yet another Trump Gilbert & Sullivan parody, to the tune of Ko-ko’s “Little List” song from The Mikado. I inflicted it on my Facebook page a few minutes ago, but if anyone here wants to see it, please say so. Otherwise, I’ll spare you all.
Aleta
I like how the personality of a a rescue animal starts to flower forth and then some months later blooms into something further. And then later reaches another new flowering stage. And then another, and it just keeps goingf in new increments for years as they relax into yet another layer. No schedule, already a great animal, and then suddenly you realize they have reached another new level of stability, unexpected, and they just keep going on and on like an orchard of many fruits.
Percysowner
I threw in a couple of bucks. Let’s get this sweet boy home.
Kristine
Kicked in a bit.
Glad you were there to do right by Walter, Cole. Glad he’s going to a great home with a buddy and everything. Finally hit the jackpot on the doggy lottery.
?BillinGlendaleCA
@Mnemosyne: To answer your question in the previous thread before I ran off. There’s a space shuttle(sort of) next to Fry’s in your new hometown. It’s a scale model with Challenger on one side and Columbia on the other, in the Valhalla Memorial park just south of the Burbank Airport. Of course, I’ll have pics later tonight or tomorrow morning.
@OP: Walter is looking much better, you done good Cole.
Pogonip
Cole, I almost forgot to ask! How much did Walter weigh today?
raven
Fuckin A, Dawg!
SgrAstar
Sent you/Walter a contribution, John. ❤️
satby
@schrodinger’s cat: @Craig McMahon: @Helen: And anyone else who doesn’t want to use PayPal: I created a “product” on my Etsy site called Walter Rescue Ride that you can select and pay for in $5.00 increments. I will cover the extremely minor Etsy fee and PayPal the full donation to John. Click on my name for the link.
satby
@SiubhanDuinne: I personally love your parodies! Please share!
debit
You guys are good people. I told John I felt weird about putting out a call for donations when several of you had volunteered to do a relay. I ultimately decided against it for several reason: I just moved into a new house and am going mad trying to get various service people to fulfill my warranty issues, plus unpacking (yes, still). John is dealing with his own new house issues, plus managing a house of pets. And then there were the what ifs: what if someone couldn’t make the hand off? What if the back up person couldn’t? What if someone decided “fuck this shit, I’m keeping the dog!”? (I kid.)
But seriously, there were too many variables for me to deal with. And when I found a place that will transport Walter with his comfort paramount (no kennel, a full sized bed for him to sleep on, stops every four hours, text and phone updates as needed) and door to door service, I had to go with it.
So, thank you to everyone who volunteered. I’m sad that we won’t have the pictures and video some of you proposed.
raven
@debit: You made the right choice, we should be able to handle it.
ThresherK (GPad)
@satby: I may just do that.
Doesn’t Caswell Massey make a soap in the shape of a Scottie? I’d buy some Walter soap if it existed.
Omnes Omnibus
@debit: Probably less stressful for Walter as well. Imagine being handed from stranger to stranger, vehicle to vehicle, after what he’s just been through.
Pogonip
@debit: The welfare of the dog is the most important thing.
Yesterday there was a book sale where I work. I saw a copy of “Walter the Farting Dog” and laughed.
Josie
@SiubhanDuinne: I very much want to see your little list. My son played the Lord High Executioner in a high school production and I have been a Gilbert and Sullivan fan ever since. I remember we had to sub in “a good proctologist” for a racist line in the list – can’t remember what it was.
John Cole – Walter is such a lucky dog. I will try to toss in a bit next week to help with travel.
Steeplejack
@satby:
Excellent idea! You are a great American. Bigly!
Steeplejack
@SiubhanDuinne:
C’mon, drop the coy act and drop it here!
raven
@Omnes Omnibus: I guess he won’t get to ride shotgun!
jamesjhare
I just wish every unloved pet could have the luck to meet up with the esteemed Mr. Cole.
phoebes from highland park
Just kicked some coin your way, Cole. Good luck with the transfer. He’s a nice dog.
Helen
@satby: DONE! Thank you Satby.
satby
I should say John will also get the list of who donates, full transparency.
Omnes Omnibus
@raven: D’aww.
satby
@Helen: thank YOU!
SiubhanDuinne
@satby:
@Josie:
@Steeplejack:
Well, okay :-)
(Steep, I suppose I’m being a little bit coy, but I honestly don’t want to force myself on the group.).
That said….
TRUMP:
As someday it may happen that a loser must be found,
I’ve got a little list — I’ve got a little list
Of political opponents whom I’d like to punch and pound:
They never would be missed — they never would be missed.
There’s that weakling George Pataki, and Rand Paul (I crushed him BAM!!)
Jim Gilmore (never heard of him) and also Lindsey Graham.
Ben Carson was a nice guy, but a psychopathic joke,
Scott Walker couldn’t interest the wealthy Brothers Koch.
Rick Perry was a total pussy (if you get my gist),
He never would be missed — I’m sure he’ll not be missed.
CHOR:
Oh yes, we get your gist — Rick Perry won’t be missed —
Like the other candidates, they’ll none of ’em be missed!
TRUMP:
A bowl of mashed potatoes has more energy than Jeb
(I put him on the list — the first one on my list!)
I forced him to give up the fight in Jan., or maybe Feb.,
And since then he’s not been missed — he never has been missed!
How about those moderators, they were really quite unfair,
Like FOX’s Megyn Kelly, pouring blood from everywhere,
And ABC and CNN and MSNBC
I wouldn’t bother with ’em, but the coverage is free,
Talk radio and Limbaugh (and his famous anal cyst)
They’ll none of ’em be missed — I know they won’t be missed!
CHOR:
We never could resist Rush Limbaugh’s anal cyst,
And I know he won’t be missed — the media won’t be missed!
TRUMP:
Then there’s Carly Fiorina with a face that’s ne’er been kissed:
I put her on the list. Poor Carly’s on the list.
And I ought to mention Bernie, who’s a raving Socialist:
A bright red Bolshevist! I’ve got him on the list!
I forgot about Chris Christie (he just thinks that we’re best friends),
And little Bobby Jindal in his grown-up boy Depends,
Jim Gilmore, Rick Santorum (ugh!) and oh, Mike Huckabee,
They’re long ago forgotten, and on that we can agree —
But it really doesn’t matter whom you put upon the list,
For they’ll none of ’em be missed. They’ll none of ’em be missed.
CHOR:
We’re beginning to get pissed — you should hack their mailing list,
For they’ll none of them be missed — they never will be missed!
TRUMP:
Li’l Marco tried to shame me with a joke about my hands —
I punched him with my fist. My HUGE and PERFECT fist.
I sent him to the wilderness, to far and distant lands,
And since then, he’s not been missed. He’s really not been missed.
John Kasich was a piece of cake. I told him where to go.
Then I pivoted to Lyin’ Ted, that phony so-and-so,
At Quicken Loans Arena I walked in on his big speech:
He said “Just vote your conscience” — just a bit of overreach —
When it comes to Cruz, I think that we will never coexist,
So I put him on the list. He’s staying on the list.
CHOR:
Lyin’ Ted is on the list, he is staying on the list,
And he never will be missed — I know he’ll not be missed.
TRUMP:
And now the time has come to deal with Crooked Hillary —
You know she’s on the list. ISIS Founder’s on the list.
I’m hauling out the big guns, all my field artillery,
To keep her on the list. She mustn’t leave the list.
She’s unbalanced and unstable, her emotions make her sob,
She’s totally unfit to hold the country’s highest job,
She lied about Benghazi and Vince Foster’s “suicide” —
About her private server and what texts were classified,
But no matter how I push ’em, all the charges are dismissed,
I’m on the Loser List! Trump’s on the Loser List!
CHOR:
We cheerfully dismissed Trump from the Winner List,
Come Election Day, I know he’ll not be missed!
satby
@raven: they look adorable.
raven
@satby: Knucklehead rescues! I just figgered since we were in a critter thread!
LAO
@debit: What a terrific thing you (and Cole) are doing. No one here will quibble with your decision.
@SiubhanDuinne: are you going to make us beg? Bring it!
SiubhanDuinne
G&S parody is in moderation because I forgot to fix a forbidden word.
Grateful to any FP who can release it. Thanks.
debit
He looks so much better, John. It’s really amazing that just last week I thought he might not make it to his vet visit.
Labs, IME, are huge goofballs. Ellie gleefully destroys her stuffed toys and then flings their poor fuzzy innards all over the room so she can roll on them. She’s going to love having a buddy to hang out with. And I can’t wait to bring Walter to Cedar Lake and let him go swimming, or to the river and let him dip his toes in.
@raven: , @Omnes Omnibus: Thanks. And thanks to satby as well for coming up with an alternative to paypal.
Shana
Just kicked in a bit. John, you’re a saint. Debit, looks like you’re getting a great dog. So happy for everyone involved.
?BillinGlendaleCA
@?BillinGlendaleCA: Space Shuttle in Burbank.
raven
@?BillinGlendaleCA: Is that Forest Lawn?
Mnemosyne
@?BillinGlendaleCA:
Nice! G probably already knows about it, but I’ll remind him — he’s a fan of both the space program and cemeteries.
?BillinGlendaleCA
@raven: Nope, Pierce Brothers Valhalla; just south of one of the runways at Burbank Airport.
raven
@?BillinGlendaleCA: Thanks
Miss Bianca
@SiubhanDuinne: I did not HALF-HEARTEDLY encourage you, harumph! I whole-heartedly encouraged you! Post it, please! At this rate, we’ll have an entire ersatz G & S operetta before the election!
?BillinGlendaleCA
@Mnemosyne: Has he been to see Endeavour? That is well worth the trip downtown(I like taking Metrolink and the subway/Expo line. I’m sure that I’ve mentioned it, but the Metrolink ticket it a tap card so you can ride Metro(subway, rail lines, and buses); so my adventures are just the Metrolink fare from Glendale to Union Station*($5).
*roundtrip.
Mnemosyne
@?BillinGlendaleCA:
I think he saw it while he was unemployed. I took my nieces and nephews to see it last summer, and they were like, “meh.” They thought it was a little weird that I was so excited.
geg6
@debit:
They ARE good people. I’ll never forget BJers’ generosity in getting Koda to us. Never. Don’t worry about it. Everyone here just wants these sweet and innocent animals to a safe, happy forever home. No one here cares about anything else.
Koda sent a little jack to Walter. She hearts Walter.
debit
@Pogonip: Sign of a healthy digestive system. :)
Francis
@SiubhanDuinne: I’m waiting for “Modern Major Candidate”.
Miss Bianca
@SiubhanDuinne: Christ on a cracker, SD, you are a comic genius. These just get better and better. This is my favorite yet! We are so not worthy!
Pogonip
@geg6: How’s Lovey?
SiubhanDuinne
@Francis:
Thanks, someone else will probably have to do that one. The song is so often parodied that I’m a little reluctant to do yet another version. But I’m already working on a version of “Three Little Maids from School” starring Hillary Clinton, Michelle Obama, and Elizabeth Warren.
Pogonip
Today I was offered a sweetheart of a shepherd/? mix. Unfortunately my son’s terrified of big dogs; fortunately the dog has already found a home.
satby
@SiubhanDuinne: Damn good! I think this is my favorite too.
Lorinda Pike
Sent a little. He’s looking so much better. He sounds like he’s going to a wonderful home, with a beautiful hooman and a doggie-buddy and everything.
(Those onion-chopping ninjas have gotten in here again somehow.)
01jack
It makes me happy to be add the little-bit-I-can-afford for Walter.
Mostly just curious: Can we get any details about the transport service?
SiubhanDuinne
@Miss Bianca:
Oh, I didn’t mean you. I think it was Burnsie. If I’m misremembering, sorry!
EDITED because huge brain fart.
PaulB
Frequent lurker but in for a hundred on this one. This needs to happen.
Patricia Kayden
@satby: Donated via your Etsy site as well. Thank you so much for setting up an alternative to PayPal.
Bobbo
He has only known you a week but boy is he going to miss you Cole
asiangrrlMN
Cole, you’re a good person. So are you, debit. I would be happy to contribute what I can if more money is needed. It makes me smile to see the second picture of Walter as much as the first one still hurts. No animal deserves to be treated so cruelly, and I’m just thankful you got to him in time, Cole. May Walter have a long, happy, and healthy life right here in Minnesota!
Bupalos
I’ll come get Walter at jc’s door and deliver him to debit for 500 if the rest could be donated to a human charity involving health or education.
And I’ll not only offer text updates but fun roadtrip photos and the chance for Walter to meet 3 downright awesome little girls that will spoil him for a couple hours on an Ohio stopover. AND he’ll get to listen to the audiobook of Infinite Jest on the trip!
Rarely Posts
During the primary, I sometimes wondered why I still lurked around here. And then John saved Walter. Totally reminds me of a lot of what I love about Balloon Juice. You’ve a very good guy, Mr. Cole.
01jack
@Rarely Posts:
This. So much.
JanieM
@satby: Thanks so much for providing a non-Paypal way to contribute! One of these days I’ll get my act together sufficiently to order some of your actual products to try out. :-)
John and BJ in general — my contribution is in practice for Walter’s transport, but in spirit to the BJ front page operation in general. I read the blog with Adblock Plus at my side, so I doubt I generate much if any revenue from ads. Cheers!! Yay Walter!
satby
Ok, there’s also $140 in the etsy shop I’m sending. I will deactivate the listing.
a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)
@Bupalos: Please tell me you don’t make the little girls listen to the Infinite Jest audiobook. Don’t get me wrong: I have “DFW” under my semi-colon tattoo, but it’s not child friendly stuff.
Which you know. The author has been on my mind lately, so I had to make a crack.
Miss Bianca
@SiubhanDuinne: Burnsie may also have encouraged you. Great minds, etc, etc.
@a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q): hey, youse! Was just wondering how you were doing. Glad to “see” you!
debit
@Bupalos: Bless you for the offer, but I’ve already put down a non refundable deposit to lock in the pick up date.
@01jack: It’s TLC Pet Transport of of Kentucky, run by a nice lady named Gale.
bupalos
@Bupalos: In fact I’ll sweeten that. 350 if the rest can go to our local community rights group that I’m involved with that is trying to defend our county charter ballot initiative (that we collected over 5000 valid signatures for, which, my god, you don’t know, in semi-rural Ohio that’s no small feat) from Husted’s attempt to quash it on technical grounds. The Charter was written by the Community Environmental Legal Defense Fund and is aimed at gaining some local control over fracking and banning waste injection wells which my county is pretty much the poster child for.
http://www.portagecommunityrightsgroup.org
bupalos
@a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q): Yeah I wouldn’t subject the Bupettes to either the ride or DFW. I just picked him up again lately (unrelated to the anniversary) and have just realized or re-realized what we’ve got here. I’m a big Shakespeare honk so maybe I come from that angle, but I think he might be ranked in that class.
bupalos
@debit: Ratsos, thought we could parlay this. How much is the deposit, like half or something?
geg6
@Pogonip:
She is sooooooo bad! But adorable, so what can you do?
debit
@geg6: Smooches to Koda. How are she and Lovey doing?
@asiangrrlMN: You will have to come over for some football once the season kicks in. I can promise at least one dog and one cat one your lap at any given time.
geg6
@debit:
They are healthy and full of piss and vinegar. Showed Koda the original Walter pic a couple of weeks ago and she just rubbed her head all over my phone. Showed her the new pic this evening and she did the same thing. I think she’s in love. It’s the adorable snaggle teeth and soulful eyes. I know they captured my heart. Lab love!!!
debit
Folks, I’m going to bed but want to thank everyone again from the bottom of my heart. You guys are amazing and I’m so humbled by your generosity of spirit. Not bad for a place full of cranky curmudgeons. Walter’s pick up is scheduled for the 27th. John will no doubt continue to update until then, and I’ll keep you posted once he gets here. XOXO
frosty
@SiubhanDuinne: That was truly awesome. I know it’s an overused word but it really was. Both rhyme and rhythm scanned perfectly. And the lyrics! Great job.
a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)
@bupalos: I almost forgot the anniversary is coming up. The campaign piece he did is one I need to read again – for obvious reasons – and A Supposedly Fun Thing I’ll Never Do Again is just so g*ddamned much fun.
I’ve been trying to write a rebuttal essay to (noted pediatrician) David Kessler’s Caoture, in which he blames DFW (whom he calls “David” though they never met, and he tortured the Wallaces for the book) for his death. His thesis is that mood disorders are an inappropriate focus of attention, as opposed to a biological medical matter. He’s going to get some people killed when patients and families believe him. I had to stop for the moment because it’s very difficult.
RealityBites
Did anyone manage to find Walter’s previous owner? I hope he can be charged with animal abandonment and forbidden to own pets ever again. I do not want him to be able to hurt another animal. And if he has mental health issues, he needs help, too.
What a great group of people to help Walter. (especially Cole)
martian
Hey, did I miss an email or a post? Was the cross-country, Balloon Juice relay getting too complicated to coordinate? I am selfishly a little bummed, but very happy to see that Walter will soon be settling in to his forever home with debit.
Man, you have to practically live on this blog to keep up. Leave for a few hours to try to parent your children and then nobody even wants your money, too bad, so sad.
Mnemosyne
@bupalos:
People have been asking for front page posts about where to contribute to stuff just like that. I think you should email Tim F, Anne Laurie, and Adam Silverman (they should all be in the email links on the front page) and ask them to start a post for election-year requests like yours.
martian
Well, my edit went weird and didn’t take. Just saw this @debit and totally get it. Best wishes for a happily furever after, debit and Walter.
SiubhanDuinne
@frosty:
Thank you very much. I’m picky about rhyme and scansion, so I’m grateful that you noticed.
Isobel
Yall are good people. I’m so glad to see Walter doing so well.
Joshua Norton
@SiubhanDuinne: That is flawless! Now how about “3 LIttle Maids” as sung by the Trump wives?
SiubhanDuinne
@Joshua Norton:
Oh! Trump wives, what a great idea! I’m working on a version with Hillary, Michelle O, and Eluzabeth W — but I love your idea! (Might also think about doing one with the three woman Justices on the SCOTUS).)
Aleta
hedgehog the occasional commenter
Ooops, missed the cutoff sign–donated anyway–use the scratch as you will, John.
kindness
I am sorry we won’t get the Walter’s Travels picture book but I guess this is better for him. The sweet lug.
Still wish John would bring his kids over to meet up (and take pictures for us) with Walter. The kids would like it too. They’d finally see who those strange dog smells are.