I thought I heard Tamara call my name.
You Rang?
by John Cole| 81 Comments
This post is in: Readership Capture
You Rang?
Reader Interactions
81Comments
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Come for the politics, stay for the snark.
We’ve had enough carrots to last a lifetime. break out the sticks.
Anyone who bans teaching American history has no right to shape America’s future.
Whatever happens next week, the fight doesn’t end.
We cannot abandon the truth and remain a free nation.
Text STOP to opt out of updates on war plans.
Jack be nimble, jack be quick, hurry up and indict this prick.
Jesus, Mary, & Joseph how is that election even close?
If you’re gonna whine, it’s time to resign!
This isn’t Democrats spending madly. This is government catching up.
If you tweet it in all caps, that makes it true!
Trump should be leading, not lying.
Come for the politics, stay for the snark.
Dumb motherfuckers cannot understand a consequence that most 4 year olds have fully sorted out.
Let me file that under fuck it.
If ‘weird’ was the finish line, they ran through the tape and kept running.
Polls are now a reliable indicator of what corporate Republicans want us to think.
The cruelty is the point; the law be damned.
Those who are easily outraged are easily manipulated.
Republican also-rans: four mules fighting over a turnip.
“Until such time as the world ends, we will act as though it intends to spin on.”
You are so fucked. Still, I wish you the best of luck.
Wake up. Grow up. Get in the fight.
I’m more christian than these people and i’m an atheist.
Black Jesus loves a paper trail.
Roger Moore
I think you borked the HTML. Everything is messed up, and none of the links on the front page worked when I clicked them. Also, too, you need a gif of a bigfoot, like this one.
redshirt
LOL COLE BIGFOOT.
Mike J
Ken
“John Cole” just doesn’t have the right cadence for summoning. Needs to be at least three syllables (Beetlejuice, Candyman) or four (Bloody Mary).
mainmata
@Ken: I go with Beetlejuice. but John Cole is unique, really unique in how he engages with his Internet community. And the resultant community reflects that unique interaction.
Omnes Omnibus
@Ken: John G. Cole.
redshirt
@Ken: You just have to comment on his Twitter feed. Like any new post does. Hence he’s always Bigfoot Ready.
Boudica
No picture of Lurch?
redshirt
@Boudica: Love your user name! A History Channel show educated me!
Boudica
Thanks! She was kickass!
Comrade Colette Collaboratrice
Jesus, you two. Get a room.
max
@Roger Moore: I think you borked the HTML.
I think it’s the embedded gifphy scripts, instead of just using a goddamn normal gif (JIF!) like a normal person.
Also, I think we should say that Cole has borkfooted* the blog, because that just makes sense.
max
[‘Also also, the gif lacks the text subtitle, ‘WHERE’S MY MUSTARD?!?!”]
* Does that not accurately describe Cole falling of a curb?
satby
After the monsoon we had today the humidity finally dropped. I’m enjoying the feeling of not being covered in sweat even in my barely air conditioned house.
FlipYrWhig
The Trump ads really spruce up the pad.
jeffreyw
We like pie.
schrodinger's cat
@jeffreyw: Thread needs kitteh!
Miss Bianca
@jeffreyw: you take such awesome animal photos! Gabe (?) looks like such an old little soul!
Mike J
What a last line to sing before dying.
Disappointing you is getting me down
Just One More Canuck
@Mike J: just watched that – what a show – very bittersweet
redshirt
@Boudica: A little too kickass in retrospect. Maybe. Who knows how things could have been different but maybe opposed to a total massacre she did a combo kill/hostage kind of deal. Maybe she could have negotiated a few concessions and held onto them far longer then the brief freedom she and her people knew before they were crushed and ground into historical dust.
jeffreyw
@schrodinger’s cat:
Most recent Homer pic, I had it up the other day.
Percysowner
Ajamu Baraka running as Vice President for the Green Party just called President Obama an Uncle Tom. On the other side of the spectrum Trump just announced that Black Americans have “no health care, no education, no anything” and that their lives are “a total catastrophe.”. What can you say to that?
jeffreyw
@Miss Bianca: Thanks! Gabe has that look that some puppies have, looking wise beyond their years.
HR Progressive
@Percysowner: Hopefully, “Fuck you, Donald Trump, I’m voting for Hillary Clinton”.
Total electoral annihilation is the only cure for Trump’s disease.
Major Major Major Major
@redshirt: this fits my model.
redshirt
@Major Major Major Major: I’ve pointed out a huge variable in this equation. You must change your model.
Cole doesn’t read BJ, but he does Tweet. He’s pretty good at it, as far as that goes. And he seems to like it. So good for him!
But it means if you want to get Cole’s attention, you Tweet. Preferably in ALL CAPS. Then Cole sees it and probably responds.
Well, when new topics are posted on BJ nowadays, it automatically tweets the post on John’s Twitter feed. So, if he’s Tweeting, he knows about any new post within seconds. Thus the Bigfooting potential is magnified significantly. As this thread proves. We may have entered the era of Big Bigfooting.
Major Major Major Major
@redshirt: what’s the variable?
And this doesn’t actually fit the model, but that’s going to happen 23% of the time. It’s highly variable.
redshirt
@Major Major Major Major: The variable is that Cole has real time awareness of new posts. Thus if he wants to Bigfoot, he can do so 100% of the time if he wishes it. We’re well within the Bigfoot Horizon. There is no escape.
NotMax
@Ken
Candlejack.
Major Major Major Major
@redshirt: Well then that would be reflected in him checking Twitter, for which him tweeting can be a proxy. The model is built on his tweeting behavior.
amk
@Percysowner: green tea.
Eric NNY
For those of you who are Canuckian or close to the border, the last Tragically Hip concert was tonight. I unapologetically sobbed with real grief over the loss of this great band whom so few American citizens know. Godspeed Gordie!
Mike E
@redshirt:
hold me
Mike J
July monthlies are in.
Mike E
@amk: gunpowder green tea is a delight, but, fuck those shitheads
Major Major Major Major
@Mike J: Their portfolio is decidedly not presidential-candidate-caliber. Sad!
amygdala
@Eric NNY: Not near the border, but have long been a fan of Canadian music, including The Hip. They tweeted a poignant pic of Gord with Trudeau.
Mike J
@Major Major Major Major: I’ve worked on more than one presidential web site and if I ever got anything close to 18mega-large I wouldn’t be talking to scum like you balloon-juicers.
redshirt
@Major Major Major Major: Based on Tweeting?! You should have said that at the start. Yes, of course, you’re absolutely right then.
The other factor to a classic Bigfoot is the 8 hour gap between new posts then a new post THEN the Bigfoot. Does your model cover this? If not, I’d chock it up to diurnal rhythms and circadian clocks.
Major Major Major Major
@Mike J: I didn’t say it was sad for Giles-Parscale.
I still don’t understand your comment though.
Mike J
@Major Major Major Major: Disregard. Blueberry diesel.
Omnes Omnibus
@Major Major Major Major: If he had megabucks, he’d be too good for the likes of us.
Anoniminous
@Mike J:
Grifter done been grifted.
Major Major Major Major
@redshirt: Hmm. That wouldn’t have been a factor in the way I did it, no. I was looking at tweet density. Can’t remember if I focused on that because I had preliminary data or because we’d decided that was the right way to ask the question.
There’s no blindingly obvious pattern, at any rate. Here’s the raw data. y=0 is all tweets, y=1 is all blog posts, y=2 is all bigfoots; x is of course time.
amk
donnie dick today: I wuss just being sarcastic about deporting the mehicans.
da base: collective poutragegasm
redshirt
@Major Major Major Major: Say there’s a Betty post (awesome as always!) at 11:15 AM; it’s often there might not be another new post until 7 PM; then the BIGFOOT at 7:11. It’s the gap and then subsequent closeness of the next post that makes it particularly notable. Spectacularly Bigfootian, if you will.
Major Major Major Major
@redshirt: Then we need to start weighting instances like that more. You said nothing about the quality of a bigfoot! *flounces out of the lab*
Anoniminous
@Major Major Major Major:
Tweet density? How is that measured? Are we talking talents per hogshead or pennyweights per fluid dram or ???
Amir Khalid
Art Garfunkel’s cousin Lou Pearlman, famous boy-band impresario and Ponzi scheme con man, has died in prison at 62.
Miss Bianca
@Eric NNY: I was listening to Minnesota Public Radio station The Current the other day, and they were having a big Tragically Hip retrospective and talking about the final concerts. I guess the lead singer has brain cancer? Terribly sad.
redshirt
@Major Major Major Major: You’re right you’re right, my bad. My fault. Totally my error! Now, come back and code?
Omnes Omnibus
@Amir Khalid: Pearlman and Garfunkel were related? Get the fuck out of here!
Tissue Thin Pseudonym
@Miss Bianca: Are you in Minnesota?
Major Major Major Major
@redshirt: Too late, I already flounced.
Miss Bianca
@Tissue Thin Pseudonym: Nah, got hooked on The Current when Prince died, been streaming it at work ever since.
Have a lot of good friends in the Upper Midwest, tho’ – Madison and Minneapolis/St. Paul. Been thinking it might be time for a visit…
Tissue Thin Pseudonym
@Miss Bianca: Well, let us know when you’re coming.
redshirt
@Major Major Major Major: *Looks up “Flounced” in Manager’s Guidelines.
amygdala
@Miss Bianca: Yeah, he has a glioblastoma, which is a very aggressive brain tumor, in his left temporal lobe, which controls speech.
It’s a bad combination, because attempting to resect the entire tumor runs the risk of leaving Gord unable to speak.
Omnes Omnibus
@Miss Bianca:
Restraining order or meet-up? Life is so complicated.
Miss Bianca
@Omnes Omnibus: I…uh…what? what are you talking about?
Amir Khalid
@Omnes Omnibus:
Says so right there in Wikipedia. And if you give it some thought but not too much, there is a similarity between Simon & Garfunkel and Backstreet Boys: there’s more than one of them and they sing.
Eric U.
I’m just shocked that Scott Adams actually is the pointy haired boss. Does his mom write the strips?
BR
@Eric U.:
To me it seems like he’s more like dogbert — cynical, amoral, etc. — rather than the boss who was just goofy and clueless.
Omnes Omnibus
@Miss Bianca: I am in Madison.
Miss Bianca
@Omnes Omnibus: And…so…? Oh, I see. I begin to perceive, faintly, that I may have been insulted.
Omnes Omnibus
@Miss Bianca: Just having a bit of fun. No offense intended.
Major Major Major Major
@Eric U.: What’d he do now?
@BR: Dogbert’s actually smart.
Miss Bianca
@Omnes Omnibus: Well, OK. I can’t exactly flounce off in a huff anyway – Major 4 appears to have cornered the Flouncing market for this thread.
Omnes Omnibus
@Miss Bianca: It could also have been your set of choices if coming here. Just saying.
Amir Khalid
Malaysia’s last gold medal hope in Rio, Lee Chong Wei, has lost the men’s singles badminton final to Chen Long of China. Sigh.
Miss Bianca
@Omnes Omnibus: Well, see, with regard to that restraining order – I’d only know one lawyer in town, and I don’t even know his name…no lawyer has answered to the name “Omnes Omnibus” in any public tribunal since 1792…
Miss Bianca
@Amir Khalid: I…I am sorry to hear this.
redshirt
@Miss Bianca: He’s still on the clock, actually.
Omnes Omnibus
@Miss Bianca: And mine would require asking that a fictional rodent stay clear. I think we are even.
Omnes Omnibus
@Amir Khalid: I actually saw and rooted for him a match against a different Chinese dude. The only badminton match I watched. May it weigh heavily on you for being universally beloved. You bastard.
sukabi
@Anoniminous: are you sure it’s not one of drumpfs shell companies? NYT couldn’t find all his companies, lots of assets hidden.
Miss Bianca
@Omnes Omnibus: for some reason this whole goofy exchange has started to crack me up, in a kind of Alice-in-Wonderland way, but it’s time to get back to “The Life and Adventures of Joaquin Murieta” and then hit the hay. I thank you for the laffs.
Steeplejack (phone)
@efgoldman:
I have an old, crapped-out Snit that I would give someone a good deal on.
BellyCat
@redshirt:
Peak Bigfoot?
J R in WV
@Amir Khalid:
I’m sorry.
At least you didn’t have to put up with a gold medal winner with the alley cat attitudes of Loasch. However you spell his last name. Green Hair Loasch. Winner-loser.
And NBC, only covering sports where USAians could hit the gold jackpot. No whitewater kayaking… speed kayaking is as boring as the 20k walking contest…
Be well!
Lurker
Any news of Walter? Pics of him? You, John, need to keep Balloon Juice’s tradition to keep us informed about all the pets in your household