I rarely go outside this time of year because it’s too goddamned hot, but thanks to that little tropical depression in the Gulf, it’s breezy and pleasant today, so I temporarily moved Cracker Inc. to the tiki bar. While setting up my workstation, I noticed one of the dogs rooting around in the bromeliads and told her to stop.
She stopped, alright — drawing back from the flower bed with a snake in her mouth! I screamed, of course, which caused her to drop it, and she and the other dog were snapping at it while it lashed at them with fangs bared, causing me to scream myself hoarse until the dogs came to see what was wrong with me.
I grabbed their collars and wrestled them back into the house, then ran to fetch my laptop and other accoutrements. The cops are probably on their way since any neighbor within half a mile must have immediately assumed someone was being murdered.
It was a black snake, so not poisonous, I’m pretty sure. The dogs seem uninjured. I believe the snake survived, as I can no longer see it — from a great distance, of course. I am never going outside again. The end.