I rarely go outside this time of year because it’s too goddamned hot, but thanks to that little tropical depression in the Gulf, it’s breezy and pleasant today, so I temporarily moved Cracker Inc. to the tiki bar. While setting up my workstation, I noticed one of the dogs rooting around in the bromeliads and told her to stop.
She stopped, alright — drawing back from the flower bed with a snake in her mouth! I screamed, of course, which caused her to drop it, and she and the other dog were snapping at it while it lashed at them with fangs bared, causing me to scream myself hoarse until the dogs came to see what was wrong with me.
I grabbed their collars and wrestled them back into the house, then ran to fetch my laptop and other accoutrements. The cops are probably on their way since any neighbor within half a mile must have immediately assumed someone was being murdered.
It was a black snake, so not poisonous, I’m pretty sure. The dogs seem uninjured. I believe the snake survived, as I can no longer see it — from a great distance, of course. I am never going outside again. The end.
Damien
Sounds to me like those dogs risked their lives to protect their human! You were screaming, and they were at the front lines.
Dogs rule, QED
Highway Rob
I assume that being a Floridian you know the difference between a black snake and a water moccasin (in Texas, aka “cottonmouth,” and I don’t know what names they use elsewhere). But, “fangs bared” is always a worry and I can’t tell from your tale how good a look you got. Any water sources nearby?
Wiesman
If only Adam and Eve had had a dog.
cmorenc
SNAKES ON THE PLANE!
geg6
@Damien:
This.
I would be hysterical, myself. Still.
cmorenc
Here’s a website specifically comparing how to recognize water moccasins vs blacksnakes.
PaulWartenberg2016
Dogs are, unfortunately, hard-wired to hunt in ways we humans would find destructive and dangerous. And of course the dogs won’t understand that. All they will understand is our panic, which only makes them think we’re worried about the snake hurting us and not the dogs getting poisoned.
Betty, it’s okay to go outside. But you need to keep the puppies close to you when you do.
schrodinger's cat
Didn’t you want to move further out into the country. Then you will get those Burmese pythons visiting along with alligators.
CONGRATULATIONS!
My dog would give me a dirty look implying “get your own goddamn snake”.
PaulWartenberg2016
Get the freaking vote out in Florida today, it’s a Primary vote and EVERYBODY – Democrat, Republican, even Libertarian and No-Party voters – have reasons to show up to vote.
P.S. I hope Rubio loses his primary.
P.S.S. I hope Democratic turnout is double that of Republican voters.
Betty Cracker
@Highway Rob: Yeah, I’m certain it was a black snake. It was striking, but I think any snake will do that when cornered. The dogs don’t have any marks or swelling, so I think we’re okay.
Highway Rob
@cmorenc: Nice source, although it’s worth noting that if you are close enough to check for heat sensing pits on its face, you have a number of other more pressing issues to deal with.
dmsilev
You chose to live in Florida…
CONGRATULATIONS!
Ha, and you think inside is safe? My CEO, who just moved out to “the country” (means desert) here in San Diego opened up her lunchbox yesterday to find…a baby scorpion.
Which means somewhere on their property there are lots more baby scorpions. I’d burn the fucking house down, myself.
Betty Cracker
@dmsilev: I was born here, so it wasn’t really my call. I did choose to stay, though.
amk
The question is does the snake want to come inside the house?
c u n d gulag
When I was a teenager, one time when my aunt came to visit – she visited often – she wanted to water the garden.
I was outside, when she picked-up what she thought was a garden-hose – only to find out it was A SNAKE!
I’m still not sure who was more terrified, my shrieking and hysterical aunt, or the snake – which found itself flying through the air like a helicopter, into the woods!
I don’t think I’ve ever laughed as hard in my life.
That poor snake!
My poor shaken aunt survived.
Though, she always looked carefully after that, to make sure she was picking up a hose, and not a snake.
Bobby_D
Cottonmouths and rattlers can both be pitch black. Unless I get a good look at the head, I never assume king/black snake.
When I lived in the southeast, copperheads were a bigger problem, but luckily the least venomous of the bad ones in north America. The timber rattlers at least warned you. Now living in CA, I see rattlers all the time. Kind of get used to it.
Amir Khalid
I agree that dogs don’t suck. They’re often braver than we realise. (Not all of them, though; there’s a dog in my neighbourhood that runs away if I so much as glance at her. I think she’s part chicken.)
catclub
@PaulWartenberg2016:
I assume there is zero chance of this. All memory of him saying he would not run again, and saying he hated being a senator and that was why he did not bother to do his job, forgotten.
Jeffro
Snakes, scorpions…ugh. As my dad put it once, “The only problem with nature is that it’s outdoors, and sometimes it comes indoors, too.”
Can’t wait for my 20th-story 2BR condo I’ve promised myself, just as soon as Jeffro Jr is off to college…ahh…
Felonius Monk
A snake in the bromeliads. Are you sure it wasn’t Rick Scott spying on you?
Iowa Old Lady
@PaulWartenberg2016: Does this mean Betty has to go outside?
I'mNotSureWhoIWantToBeYet
@PaulWartenberg2016: Would that the FSM makes it so. Ramen.
Cheers,
Scott.
satby
Inside isn’t safe either, when a friend moved to a country house outside Mobile, she was working at home when her dogs started barking wildly in the living room. She went to see what it was, and it was a three foot long dark snake climbing up the masonry of the fireplace. She didn’t stick around to find out what kind of snake, just grabbed the dogs and her laptop and bugged out. Wouldn’t step foot inside until the exterminator gave her an all clear the next day.
catclub
@schrodinger’s cat:
Good news everybody! Some observers think there are green anacondas in the everglades as well, and the anacondas might outcompete the burmese pythons.
hovercraft
@Highway Rob:
One of my Mom’s German Shepards was killed by a black snake, but it was in Zimbabwe, and the black snake in question was a Black Mamba. Snakes was about the only thing I hated about visiting my parents back when they still lived there. I hate snakes, and most of the ones there can kill you.
debit
I am never leaving Minnesota. The worst we have to deal with are gophers and sometimes groundhogs. Now THAT’S where a dog comes in handy.
greennotGreen
@CONGRATULATIONS!: When I was a kid growing up in Chattanooga, we would occasionally find scorpions in our bathtub. I have no idea how or why.
CaseyL
The only snakes I see when I’m hiking hereabouts (western Washington) are garters, and the biggest of those are less than an inch thick. Darling wee things. I quite like snakes, but would be mighty respectful of the poisonous ones if there were any in this area. (And, no, I don’t try to pet/pick up even the little ones – they do their best to
run awayslither off when a human looms over them; and even the little harmless ones can bite pretty good.)Iowa Old Lady
I see Grassley is suggesting there could be a lame duck approval of Garland.
Major Major Major Major
Dogs don’t suck, snakes suck.
p.a.
posted this in the fading embers of the last thread. and here’s a dog thread! :
My neighbor has some sort of terrier rat-dog. Our urban hellhole is trad 100×60 lots. If he’s in the yard the motherfucker even barks (goes berserk) at me if I’m in the house on the side of their yard, even with the windows shut. If I’m in my yard forget it. All that happens is “Otis shut up. Otis be quiet”, for 5 minutes. Then they (usually) force him into the house. I’ve tried giving him dog biscuits. He just got madder. My only psychological relief is hearing him go nuts in his own house as I come and go from my car.
Any advice? One of my bucket list items now is outliving Otis ( he’s about 4/5). Saddest thing is he’s a replacement for a runaway Boston terrier who was a sweetheart.
hovercraft
@catclub:
And I think I read somewhere that he said that he can’t guarantee that he will serve a full six year term if elected.
a thousand flouncing lurkers (was fidelio)
@Bobby_D: A friend used to say that copperheads were lazy critters that would only bite if they had no other choice, while rattlers were sporting gentlesnakes that would give you a fair warning before they bit (not true in all jurisdictions, sporting nature uof poisonous snakes not a given–1Kfl), but cottonmouths were evil bastards who would swim to the far bank of a stream and then climb a tree for the chance to bite someone.
Betty Cracker
@catclub: Lil Marco will certainly win the primary, but I believe we have a decent chance of picking him off in the general. I voted this morning; turnout at my polling place was very light.
JPL
@CONGRATULATIONS!: Did you mention that she might consider moving?
schrodinger's cat
@p.a.: You can hire this kitteh!
satby
@hovercraft: one of my volunteer trips was to build an orphanage in the Amazon lowlands in Bolivia, where we had to wade through tall grass to get to our hut in the evening and the kids took great pleasure in pointing out the many snakes and telling me they were “venenoso”.
And vampire bats nested under the eves in the open loft, which I didn’t find out about until my last night thank God, because I slept up there.
Amir Khalid
It’s around midnight here. I can hear the Merdeka (independence) Day fireworks already going off.in the park by the Petronas Towers: big artillery-like booms, and series of small-arms like pops.
A patriotic song for the occasion: Bahtera Merdeka.
satby
@Amir Khalid: Happy Merdeka Day!
gvg
our dog was named Rikki tikki Tavi on the way home from adoption as a puppy by my nephew. He killed a snake that day almost as soon as he was home. Cute little puppy. He has tried to get a few more and also killed at least 2 stuffed toy snakes…..which I didn’t think would be that snake like to a dog. Snakes are useful. I don’t like water moccasins which are aggressive for no reason but appreciate their uses (eating rats. I hate rats) however this particular dog seems to have specific instincts. My dad finds them fasinating and i got bored in childhood with being called to look at every grass and garter snake he noticed. they all look alike and it got a bit boring. He still does it and I am in my 50’s and he is in his 70’s….however I do recall the black snake he stepped on/danced on twice! About a week apart and the second time that snake was swimming across the lake fast and never came back. Snake lover dad was a very funny scared guy when he couldn’t really see what kind he had already stepped on.
Woodrowfan
yet another reason why I will not move further south than northern Virginia. GAH!!!!
Amir Khalid
Please to rescue my comment from moderation?
Josie
@p.a.: Reply posted to you from the dying embers:
My mother lived next door to a similar dog for five years until we put her in assisted living for advanced dementia. She really hated that dog and, when no one was watching, she delighted in spraying him liberally with the garden hose. I often wondered if the people ever questioned why the dog would come in sopping wet.
ETA: It never stopped the dog barking, but it made her feel much better.
Woodrowfan
@hovercraft: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lAV1wBT-jwU (Safe for work)
debit
@p.a.: Having been through a similar ordeal, you have my sympathies. The dog in question was a one of a pair of Bichon Frise brothers and was very high strung. In the summer if I went into my kitchen he’d go insane, flinging himself against the screen door of his house, scream barking and slavering like the Hound of the Baskervilles. It was worse outside when he tried to come at me through the fence. I tried treats, I tried making myself small and non threatening, I even tried volunteering to walk him since his owners never let him out of the yard. And then he bit me. It wasn’t serious, but I was done. I didn’t report him for the bite, but from then on I called Animal Control and complained about the noise.
After enough complaints they started sending him to trainers, who reported that he was an angel. But once home his behavior reverted. After a few years of this, they ended up sending him back to his breeder, who also reports that he’s an angel. I suspect the owners are the issue, not the dog. (Shut up, Felix! Be quiet, Felix! FELIX!!!) If you are friendly with them, you can try to get them to work with the dog. Otherwise, resign yourself to another ten years of the barking. Sorry.
MomSense
We’ve got mother fucking snakes in this mother fucking tiki bar!
I once stepped in a pile of garter snakes. Even though I knew they were not poisonous and posed no threat to me. I still screamed and ran in the house vowing to never step outside again. The feeling of multiple snakes slithering around your ankle is one that I never ever want to experience again.
Mudge
Was visiting my aunt in Georgia (an Atlanta suburb) years ago. Country raised. We went out her kitchen and discovered a copperhead. She proceeded to beat it to death with a shovel kept handy for such occasions. Never heard a scream. I am unsure of Betty’s southern country creds….
? Martin
@srv:
Except in Australia the people don’t also want to kill you.
TaMara (HFG)
Meanwhile I’ve named the garter snake under my front steps and keeping wondering why he never visits anymore. :-D
Now, cockroaches, wasps, rats (wild, not domestic) that’s something I’d scream about…
So totally get the aversion.
I'mNotSureWhoIWantToBeYet
@p.a.: The idea of trying to give it food was a good one. Try something really yummy – maybe a small piece of jerky or something? Eventually, Otis will learn that you’re a good guy. He might even become a sweetie like the previous one.
Or, just shrug it off as “that stupid Otis is barking again”, wear ear-plugs when you’re outside, and let it go.
:-)
Good luck!
Cheers,
Scott.
Hal
@hovercraft: I hear the amount of venom in single bite can be gargantuan. But that was in a movie, so who knows?
TaMara (HFG)
@CONGRATULATIONS!: This.
Gin & Tonic
@srv:
Half the fauna that wants to kill you in Australia swims as well.
? Martin
@debit: Unfortunately, most dog owners don’t realize that their dogs don’t speak english. Our corgi has a similar anxiety with anyone who goes near the front walk of our house that he can’t see. Open the door and he can see you – no problem. Make noise outside and he barks anxiously. He doesn’t care if you come to the back of the house. Hell, you could break into the back of the house and he wouldn’t care. But the front door is where mom disappears from and leaves him alone and the front is where mom arrives from when he’s lonely.
Telling him to be quiet is pointless. We instead give a command to come to us at the other side of the house, a command to lay down. While he likely still does it when we’re out, we can now shut it down quickly when we’re home. He knows he’s doing something wrong – his tail drops and he slinks to where we are. Having your humans just yip at the dog in the same way the dog is yipping at the neighbors if anything is just encouraging the behavior. Send the humans to the trainer next time.
Bitter Scribe
Once I was pitching hay on my sister’s farm in Virginia when a big black snake slithered out of the forkful I was lifting. Never pitched the stuff since.
Humdog
@p.a.: I’ve been in your situation three times and had success once. The success was a barky dog who turned out to be bored so my offer to get to know him thru playing with him worked, sort of. He still barked when I came outside but now it was a come play bark not a get out of my sight bark. The other two started with barking at me and rushing me and my dogs when we would pass for a walk. I got one to be ok with me but she ever got used to my dogs passing and when she attacked my old blind dog and broke the skin on my husband’s hand as he tried to save Alley, she was sent to the pound. The other wouldn’t stop rushing us in the street. Her owner kept saying that she didn’t do this to anyone else and I got exasperated and said I didn’t care, I should be able to walk the street without her dog rushing out to attack us. They moved. Hope an offer of play or walk helps cause otherwise it feels like you will be trapped inside!
debit
@? Martin: Yep. I tried to suggest they get a trainer who would work in home with them, or to at least check out some books on training, or watch somebody like Victoria Stillwell, but nope. It didn’t help that they were rarely home and that particular breed doesn’t do well with being left on their own for too long. I felt bad for the little guy and knew it wasn’t his fault, but when he went back to the his breeder I was so damn relieved and happy for the blessed quiet.
tinare
This is why I am a city girl. I remember running through the snake exhibit at the zoo as a kid. Just seeing them in their tanks freaked me out.
p.a.
@schrodinger’s cat: @Josie: @debit: @I’mNotSureWhoIWantToBeYet:
hmmmm… think I’ll try those doggie bacon treats; dogs really do love them. after that, cat hit-man. I already have canned tuna in the pantry for payment. Maybe I should upgrade to salmon?
Eric U.
I recently became aware that the woods I ride my mountain bike in is home to a large number of timber rattlers. When I was riding the other day, I fell into a big hole. Perfect for rattlers waiting out the hot part of the day. Don’t think they make it down into the town though
trollhattan
It it was a little snake the chickens will finish it off. Just sayin’.
Calouste
@Gin & Tonic: The only fauna in Australia that doesn’t want to kill you are the sheep.
p.a.
@Humdog: @debit: Otis is some kind of terrier-possibly a t mix, and there are 2 elementary school age girls in the family, so I don’t have much hope he’ll moderate. his owner says he hates everybody outside immediate family, but I’m the only one around daily. they have to crate him for service visits.
catclub
@Gin & Tonic:
It makes perfect sense that the venom in sea snakes has to be even more potent to kill the victim extremely rapidly before it floats or swims away.
This is not really good news. But it makes sense.
Grumpy Code Monkey
We had a coral snake get into the house one time (yes, it was a coral – red and yellow bands were adjacent). That was fun with five cats and a dog. Fortunately coral snakes are cowards and will run and hide when they feel threatened; we were able to shoo it out the door with a broom. My sister woke up one night to discover not one, but two copperheads in her bedroom. Fortunately she had a neighbor who was experienced with snakes, and he was able to remove them with a minimum of fuss. Think it took her a few nights to fully relax, though.
The snakes we’ve encountered outside have almost all been rat snakes, which we leave alone. They’re not venomous, but they have a pissy attitude and will strike if they feel threatened.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve lost my of my irrational fears of snakes, spiders, and other boojums. I’m not gonna go out of my way to poke one with a stick, but I’m not going to put a hole in the fence if I see one, either.
Bobby_D
I live in the CA desert, and for a couple of years, there was a huge gopher snake living in a hole on the edge of my driveway a couple feet from the garage door. About a 6 footer, and gopher snakes have a very similar pattern to rattlers. I came real close to killing it a couple of times, once when it got aggressive toward me, and once when I walked out of the garage at dusk and it was coiled right where I almost stepped, scaring the poo out of me. But I let him be, it kept any mice, ground squirrels, and bunnies out of my house/garage and landscaping. With the drought, the bunnies were eating all kinds of stuff they’d normally never touch like rosemary. Haven’t seen it in a couple of years now, one of the kestrels that nest in my eaves every year might have picked him off for dinner one day although that would be a very big score for a kestrel, they’re usually grabbing lizards or little bitty snakes.
debit
@p.a.: You could try taking him for walks. Make sure he has a muzzle so he doesn’t bite you, or anyone else. Dogs, especially active ones like terriers, need to get out of their yard and move, see and smell new things. He may come to see you as part of his family if you do it enough.
Felixmoronia
@p.a.: My neighbors have a screechy little ankle-biter and they used an anti-bark device that hangs on the porch rail that emits an inaudible(to humans) sound that apparently is irritating/painful to the dog and it seems to work. I’m sure any pet store carries them but have no clue as to the cost. Hang it up in your yard and turn it up to stun and your neighbors won’t even have to know.
PNW Jen
Growing up I had a cat whose favorite thing was to find some poor, hapless garter snake and spend a long afternoon patting it into a perfect coil and then flipping it over like a pancake and starting the process all over again. I was always glad that a.) I lived in a place where poisonous critters were rare and b.) the local fauna never rose up in rebellion.
mdblanche
When I was a little kid, my mother and I were walking up the street when a small garter snake slithered off the neighbor’s lawn and into the street in front of us. I was too afraid to keep walking with it there, so my mother was trying to reassure me that it was harmless. Suddenly she let out a yell. She was wearing sandals and the snake had just slithered past us, right over her toes. Then it was my turn to remind her that it was harmless.
schrodinger's cat
I will take the snow and ice over the creepy crawlies that you guys have to deal with.
OzarkHillbilly
@Highway Rob: The easiest way to tell a pit viper from other nonvenomous snakes is by the shape of their head, it is triangular. There are other venomous snakes w/o a triangular head but other than the coral snake none occur in the US.
PaulWartenberg2016
@Iowa Old Lady:
yes. but the only snake she’ll see will be an Ekans because many polling sites are PokeStops!!!
p.a.
Returning to work one evening I found a dead rat snake along the garage’s fenceline. I was on OT, and there was only one other worker still out. Don is 6’8″, and so drove a big Olds or Buick (I can’t remember which marque had the 88 or 98). It was dusk. I laid the snake along the base of his windshield and used the wipers to hold down the head and tail and prevent the snake from rolling off. Don didn’t get back until after dark. I swear on whatever you hold holy I didn’t know he was scared of snakes!. He’s 6’8″ fer christsakes.
The following I found out 2 months later:
Anyway he didn’t notice until he was driving out of the gate. The tail came loose from the wiper and swung across the windshield. There was a large stone planter in front of the garage with a company sign on it at the time maybe still NYNEX or Bell Atlantic. He nearly hit it in panic. Used a stick to remove the snake. Turns out, he had been involved in a practical joke war with another coworker, blamed him for the snake, and started a whole new round of practical jokes. Weeks later I heard him cursing Bob about how “this all started with that fucking snake.”. Nearly wet myself. Did own up to it, but Don didn’t believe me at first.
WereBear
Why I live in the Frozen North, Part 29,387.
Constantly barking dogs really bother me, because it is usually a case of a dog or dogs screaming “Help help I’m lonely and neglected.” They need to be part of their pack, with jobs to do or sufficient exercise, for them to be happy.
It is just as bad as a screaming baby, and for the same reason.
maurinsky
Snakes don’t bother me at all. But the vast majority of snakes I’ve interacted with were garter snakes, which will give you a little paper cut bite if they are female and have just given/are near to giving birth.
I once held a 22 foot long python, which was cool.
I am often amazed at how calm my mom was about us kids bringing critters of all kinds in the house.
WereBear
@p.a.: There is such a thing as Doggie Prozac (which is human Prozac, BTW) but I don’t know if they want to go that way. Sometimes, in rescue, especially with high strung animals, their panic system gets set on OVERLOAD and we need to intervene and shut it down.
Trollhattan
@Gin & Tonic:
Salties–like great whites that can also travel on land. Do not want.
Jeffro
@catclub:
Sounds great! Let ’em all “outcompete” each other for a few decades until there’s only one left. I’m envisioning a playoff-style bracket with thousands of entries to start and just the ‘winner’ at the end.
Jeffro
@Iowa Old Lady: I know I’m a broken record on this, but I think it would be weak to let the Garland nom go past the election…why give them (GOP senators) a less-liberal-than-Clinton-is-likely-to-nominate SCOTUS judge as a reward for their bad behavior? Obama should put them on notice: vote on Garland by Nov 1 or I’m pulling his nomination.
JR in WV
@CaseyL:
I like snakes too, non-poisonous ones, and have actually brought several back to the farm. There were always several big black snakes in the old terbacky barn. Back when we kept livestock I was standing under the outer rim built around the log structure, and there was a big pile of the heavy brown paper feed bags.
Suddenly a 6 foot black snake fell on that pile of sacks, right next to me. He was quite disturbed, embarrassed by his lack of snaky cunning and grace. I was just glad he didn’t fall 3 feet SW of where he landed, because that would have been on me!
I once rescued a tiny ring-neck black snake the size of a pencil lead, he was in front of the elevator bank at a state park resort hotel. That floor had lots of rooms at ground level, I’m sure he wandered in to get warm. I took him across the hotel lawn to the woods. About 5 inches long…
Reading in bed late one evening, a cat was looking intensely at under the chair beside the bed… when I looked to see what had his attention, I saw a little brown grass snake. I just picked it up and dropped him off the back deck. We do live in the woods… after all, that was the choice.
Have seen one rattlesnake in the wild, a Timber Rattler down in New River Gorge. We had driven down an abandoned narrow gauge RR grade, once used mostly for timber, and parked in the open beside the mainline of the C&O RR, and went fishing.
When we got back to the FJ40, wife walked around the corner to the passenger side, and stopped abruptly! She said snake and I said back away very slowly and calmly. So she did. That boy was about 8 inches thick, rattling hard. She got in the driver’s side, and we drove away, leaving the Gorge to the snake.
This was before it was a National Park… in the long ago and far away. Have never seen one out west, we usually leave about when they are starting to wake up.
DocSardonic
In the not too distant future the only place you will see a Burmese Python in the wild is in the Glades. Not too mention If something Godzilla like exists is is also probably located in the Glades as well.
Trollhattan
@maurinsky:
Would only do that if I could see the watermelon-size lump indicating his/her lunch. Have held one maybe, oh, a third of its size, which was in fact quite cool but posed no threat either. “Said-a-give.”
Virginia (fka Abo Gato)
Back when our son was about 5 and we had only been in our house a short time, we were leaving, walking down the sidewalk, when he asked what was going on in front of us. It was a couple of garter snakes busy getting down and snaky. We told him they were fighting. Our son came in the other day to tell me his cat Norbert was chasing a garter snake up a bush. Had not seen any of them in the interim. We have had a couple of rat snakes that I have seen slither around in branches of trees. I found that pretty creepy, but overall snakes don’t bother me. I did have the other cat Occie come screaming into the house sounding as if he were impaled, only to find a little green anole biting one of his front paw pads. The lizard was fine and the cat traumatized. Good times!
Trollhattan
@Jeffro:
Obama certainly knows this too, which means he can play the holy hell out of the Judiciary Committee all fall. Don’t think for a second he’s not licking his chops over the possibilities.
Ferd of the Nort
Yeah. Last night. 400 meters from car. Big white mama and her cub pop up over a hill 200 meters away.
Wife and I survived the 2 by 400 sprint. Dogs (3) were useless wanting to either go play with polar bears or race us to the car.
Fat guy in galoshes running in sand going Hoopita Hoopita Hoopita. Trying to send wife on ahead.
She has just had cardiac monitor implanted in her chest. I am scheduled for cardiac stress test. Think we passed the ultimate cardiac stress test.
danielx
@Felonius Monk:
One of his close kin, no doubt.
Mike J
Clinton up by 8 in new Monmouth PA poll. Trump leads among white voters by 9%. Clinton leads among black, hispanic, and asian voters 90-5.
In 2012, Romney won whites by 15, Obama won non-whites by 71.
Jeffro
@maurinsky:
Back in my teaching days, there was a gentleman who would come around and do a nature show for students (‘bringing the field trip to you’, as it were). He had some sort of yellow and white python that was probably about 12 feet long that he brought out at the end of the show, and as I was the tallest teacher there, he hung it across my shoulders for the kids to ooh and ahh over. How I managed to not wet myself, I’ll never know.
(ETA: how you managed to hold a 22-footer, I’ll never know…that 12-footer was HEAVY)
I came up with a variety of excuses to not be present for his next several visits to the school…
OzarkHillbilly
@p.a.: A long time big ole he-man Marine buddy of mine was very proud of the time he touched a snake. It had been dead for 3 days, they had accidentally drove over it while on a jungle track. Somebody skinned it and stretched it over the bumper. Took Brian 3 days to work up his courage to just touch the skin. That’s a phobia.
catclub
@OzarkHillbilly:
I bet there is some idiot in the US who has a pet mamba . So they just don’t occur naturally.
Keith P.
I don’t watch much Seth Meyers but I just about choked when I heard this line about Steve Bannon – “He looks like Robert Redford…if he drowned in a river.” Too funny.
Trollhattan
@Ferd of the Nort:
Daaaaaaang! A polar bear’s brain is hard-coded thus: If I can see it, I can eat it. Hey, what’s that?
p.a.
@WereBear: I need the prozac. They live uphill from me; their yard is at head height (5′ wall property line). Little sucker is right in my face/ear when he goes off. And he does wait- if he’s outside- until he makes a silent charge and is within a few feet of me! ?
bemused
@debit:
Me neither. Don’t have to worry about poisonous snakes or heat/humidity that will wipe you out in no time, at least not in NE Minn. I jump when I see a garter snake even though I know they are harmless. It’s the slithering that gets me every time. I’ve seen our dogs kill them on occasion. They grab the tail and whip them around so hard, snake parts fly everywhere.
Trollhattan
@OzarkHillbilly:
Truly believe we’re hard-coded to avoid certain critters and situations and that snakes is one such innate aversion. Probably comes from our African tree-dwelling ancestors. Likewise, bugs with stripes, i.e., wasps and bees, and of course, spiders. Speaking of our tree-dwelling ancestors, Lucy may have fallen out of a tree.
Know how sometimes you’ll be drifting to sleep then suddenly jerk awake? Has been proposed that’s related to tree-dwelling and is an automatic response to slipping.
Trollhattan
@catclub:
Why is it some folks are dedicated to collecting exotic and deadly pets? I “get it” if you’re a 14YO boy, but most folks outgrow the morbid fascinations of the typical middle-schooler.
catclub
@Keith P.:
Redford produced/directed “A River Runs Through It.” Excellent book, good movie.
Hilfy
Those brave dogs saved you from a dangerous snake! Shame on you for not being grateful. They both deserve extra petting and ear scratches.
Lizzy L
@Mike J: These are pretty good numbers. However, speaking as an old semi-white lady, they make me want to scream at my fellow pales What The Fuck Is Wrong With You?! (I say semi-white because ethnically I’m Ashkenazi Jew, and Jews can be white or not-white depending on who’s looking.)
I’m not making any comments about dogs, because Omnes will pop up to yell at me if I do. :-)) And snakes; well, I can take ’em, but prefer to leave ’em.
JR in WV
@Mudge:
My Grandma was afraid of snakes. She had a drive-in basement, with a sloped drive down into it, there was a washing machine and lines she hung clothes on to dry. Plus the usual basement tools, rakes, hoes, etc, etc.
One day she went down to process some laundry – there were clothes in one of those plastic laundry baskets – and Mr snake had twined around in the basket weave. She grabbed a hoe and chopped the snake, the basket and the clothes into tiny bits in a flash!
No panic, just certain destruction. I thought it was pretty funny, I nave no doubt it was a harmless model, but they were all the same to her. Snake = BAD!
Miss Bianca
OK, pedantic point if no one else has made it: “poisonous” v. “venomous” –
“Venomous” means if the snake bites you, you die.
“Poisonous” means that if *you* bit the *snake*, you die.
Ergo, cottonmouths, rattlers, copperheads etc. are “venomous” rather than “poisonous”.
Pedant hat off
@Keith P.: That’s awesome! And perfect! Perfectly awesome!
OzarkHillbilly
@Jeffro:
After everything Garland has put up with, why should he be punished for the GOP’s bad behavior? Seriously, Obama does not act like that. He made Garland a promise to do everything he could to get him on the court and that is exactly what he will do.
JR in WV
@Calouste:
Speaking of sheep:
There was a great portrait of Gene Wilder and a sheep at LGM yesterday. The sheep was wearing a garter belt and hose. They were in bed. Gene was wearing pajamas. You should look it up.
The things those Hollywood stars get up to!!
Eric U.
I have a fairly strong phobia of snakes. I think we just had a snake visit and clean out all the critters that were driving the dogs crazy, and driving them to dig up half the yard, so I’m feeling a lot better about snakes
@WereBear: our elkhound loves to bark. If she needs something, she will bark intermittently. She loves to get other dogs barking. She will happily bark all day if there is another dog that barks back.
Trollhattan
@Lizzy L:
Friend at the office lives to golf and we were chatting about the election the other day. Asked if his dad was a Trump voter and he gave that a “hell no!” Asked about his golf buddies and he responded, “They’re all voting Trump. I just keep my mouth shut.” He’s very talkative so that’s no small task.
My assumption is a good portion of folks I know will vote for him, because reasons, but for some reason [hmmm] they’re simply not talking about him whatsoever. Somewhat different from 2012 and vastly different from 2008.
D58826
@catclub: If we just teach the gators to eat the pythons then maybe we could bring the pythons under control, since human hunters aren’t having much luck
Origuy
I heard a story this weekend about a guy who got bitten by a snake in Australia. He was in a rogaine, a navigation competition that can go for 24 hours and cover a lot of territory. Only one fang penetrated his gaitor and that hit a bone, so he didn’t get much venom. He and his teammate walked back to the start; fortunately it was early in the competition. Someone drove him to the nearest hospital a couple of hours away, then they choppered him to a bigger hospital where they had antivenom. It was so rare to see a bite from that snake that about 20 doctors came by to look at him. They held him for a few hours, just long enough to keep him from going back out on the course.
schrodinger's cat
@Miss Bianca: Why are you biting snakes, any way?
OzarkHillbilly
@JR in WV: I had a black snake fall out of a tree and land about 5 feet from me just last week. He too looked much embarrassed.
debit
@schrodinger’s cat: And did the snakes die? If so, what word is used for that?
sukabi
@c u n d gulag: but did she improve your vocabulary in the process?
OzarkHillbilly
@JR in WV: While caving in the Guads my crew found a black tailed rattler in the bottom of a 100′ pit. I was the only one with an extra bag to put him in so I grabbed a chunk of 2×4 left over from an old guano mining operation, pinned his head and picked him up with my leather gloved right hand. The 2×4 was thick enuf that I was unable to get right behind his head. He turned around and managed to get one fang into the leather at the base of my thumb. I was mesmerized by the sight of the venom running down the gray leather and turning it a vibrant purple. All I could think was “Wow.” until one of partners said, “Uh Tom? He just might work thru that. Maybe you ought to put him in the bag.” I did.
When I got to the top of the pit and spilled him out of the bag, he just lay there on a rock soaking up the warm sun. Took him a good 10 mins to warm up enuf to slither off.
Miss Bianca
@schrodinger’s cat: just a hexample.
Bobby_D
@Mudge: A hoe was the weapon of choice where I grew up in rural GA and then the ATL suburbs. Chop the head right off from 6′ away. My granny killed the biggest copperhead I’ve ever seen in our front yard about 10′ from the door with a well aimed hoe strike.
maurinsky
In the hierarchy of critters that give me the heebie jeebies, spiders outrank snakes. At a house I used to live in, I went down to the basement to do a load of laundry once, and out of the corner of my eye I noticed a HUGE spiderweb in which a moderate sized garter snake was trapped. I was not scared about having a snake in my basement, but my first thought was “what the eff kind of spider eats snakes!!!!!”
My then husband calmed me down by suggesting that the snake was probably trying to eat the spider (and may have been successful before it died, since we never saw another web that size again).
Betty Cracker
@Bobby_D: My granny used to shoot any rattlers that came in the yard and hang the carcasses on the fence as a warning to others.
OzarkHillbilly
@Ferd of the Nort:
Yeah, you can cancel that one.
piratedan
My favorite snake story concerns me and my father (RIP) while we lived on the outskirts of Tucson… It was late fall and time to put the cover on the pool for the winter. So we proceeded to walk the blue bubbled monstrosity through the house and out onto the back patio and then spread it out over the pool. It was one of those shuffle step affairs that are awkward because you’re using your entire body to scoot the unwieldy mass, so you’re pressed against the material just trying not to knock anything else over A minute or two after we had unfolded it, we noted a lengthy tube like length in the water.
Turns out we had carried a six foot rattlesnake out of the garage with us while he had been using the pool cover as a nice warn hideaway in our garage.
Fortunately, I think we shocked him when he got dumped in the pool because he was fairly docile when I collected him in the scoop netting (yes, with the proverbial ten foot pole attached) and gently placed him outside our wall for him to relocate. My father and I didn’t speak much the rest of that morning as we spent a fair amount of time drinking before we could even express how scared shitless we were after the fact
maurinsky
@Keith P.:
I saw a picture of him last week on Facebook and commented that Bannon looks like cirrhosis.
c u n d gulag
@sukabi:
FUCKIN’-A NO! ;-)
OzarkHillbilly
@catclub: good catch, my bad, I know some of those people.
catclub
@D58826: This reminds me of a money making plan to sell fur:
“We raise rats and cats. The cats eat the rats and the rats eat the cats, and we sell the fur for profit!”
maurinsky
@Trollhattan:
Well, there you go, my heritage is entirely Irish, and they don’t have snakes there, so nothing to fear!
jl
Lady Cracker’s noble and intrepid faithful dogs try to save her from a deadly snake, and she slams them in post broadcast to the whole country.
Oh, the dogmanity!
The dogs, the Eagle Scouts of he domesticated animal world, always on guard, always ready and eager to do good, but no good deed goes unpunished.
germy
Just got back from a Tuesday (discount day) matinee. We saw “South Side With You” and we loved it.
The entire movie is their first date, although it isn’t a date, but it is. So many little details (the hole in Obama’s car floorboard) the dialogue, the music, the art…
I completely believed both actors in their roles. Excellent performances, superb script. A great experience.
germy
@maurinsky:
bob schooley tweeted that he looked like a living D.U.I.
JR in WV
@OzarkHillbilly:
I think birds make up a good part of their summer time diet, so tree climbing. We were fencing the back of the farm, through multiflora rose and poison ivy thickets, and left a cooler with lunch and drinking water back at a flat spot with shade and a log to sit on.
There was a really big snag, with thick broken bark, gnarly grooves a couple of inches deep, and, as we sat on the log eating lunch, I finally realized that there was a Black King snake on the snag, climbing in the rough bark surface, up to a woodpecker hole, probably with a birds nest in it.
And whenever something entered or left that hole, snake was going to try to catch lunch, or dinner, whenever. We rested in the shade and re-hydrated for a while, and that snake never moved a millimeter. Later in the evening when we knocked off and I went to get the cooler, he was still there, waiting for lunch to happen.
Nearly invisible.
PS: only thing worse than a rose/poison ivy thicket is one with barbed wire added to the mix! only time I ever reacted to the Ivy, I got little trails of blisters where the scratches and cuts were. Itchy bad.
hovercraft
@satby:
Traveling to ‘exotic’ places is fun, once you get past the scary stuff. We visited Victoria Falls, when I was a kid, as we were having lunch at a hotel next to the Falls, we were sitting outside and a monkey ran up and grabbed my sisters bottle of coke, she grabbed it back, the monkey grabbed it again and slapped her across her face. It was the funniest thing and I couldn’t stop laughing.
@Hal:
Click on the link. they strike repeatedly, and each strike is full of venom.
raven
@catclub:Young Men and Fire ain’t bad.
Cold Missouri Waters – Cry Cry Cry
Matt McIrvin
My old cat Nestor once killed a teeny little garter snake that had gotten into our basement during a heavy rainstorm. One precise bite to the neck, and he didn’t even bother trying to eat it, just left it there. The kill looked pretty professional, though. I’d wanted to toss the snake outside but hadn’t been able to catch it.
hovercraft
@Jeffro:
By then they may have the entire state to themselves, so we can all go down to visit the swamped park that was once the state of Florida.
hovercraft
I guess I know what todays outrage de jour is.
glory b
@schrodinger’s cat: Amen, from here in Pennsylvania, and inner city at that!
OzarkHillbilly
@JR in WV: Watching them climb a tree is one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen, just amazing.
WereBear
@Eric U.: Well, Elkhounds. Their job is to find an elk, corner it somewhere, and bark until you come and dispatch it, and then it’s party time.
I had an Elkhound/lab mix who was a Doggy Einstein. Miss him so.
glory b
@Bobby_D: My father’s family hails from rural southern Georgia and Jacksonville Florida. The hoe was the weapon of choice with them, but it was also handy because they made their living picking cotton.
catclub
I saw this about civil wars (Syria) at WaMonthly: {It is a quote from NYT article there.}
I just want to point out that the Lebanese civil war lasted 15 years, and the Colombian civil war lasted 50. So I have low hopes.
catclub
@raven: I read that too. Norman MacLean – great writer.
raven
@catclub: I’m down the Richard Shindell rabbit hole!
OzarkHillbilly
Best damn snake story ever (highly abbreviated):
A buddy of mine found himself in Indonesia for a few weeks with little to do and less money. Took a job tending bar in a little village out in the middle of the jungle (in a National park IIRC). The owner had the most impressive scar Tim had ever seen on his left shoulder, a crescent extending down both front and back (I want to say about a foot in length but can not say for sure) Finally got the rather reticent but seriously cool dude to tell him the story over beers.
He was out hunting and had stopped under a tree for a break. While standing there a very large constrictor grabbed him by the shoulder and wrapped him up in less time than it takes to say that. Some how, he managed to work his right arm free as the snake began to tighten it’s coils. Fortunately his right hand was holding his machete when he was attacked. He managed to hack, and hack, and hack, and hack, until finally he cut it’s head off. He removed himself from the coils but he was unable to remove the head from his shoulder as the jaws were locked. So he hiked the 7+ miles (? have no idea the exact distance, just that it was a long way) over the mountains and thru the jungle to grandmother’s house he went with this snake head attached to his shoulder. Took 3 men and a boy to remove it. A miracle he did not die from some gawd forsaken unpronounceable jungle infection.
JCJ
If it hasn’t been mentioned already the Snake Farm in Bangkok is pretty cool. There is a demo where they “milk” the venom from a king cobra for making antivenom. They also have Malayan kraits and other poisonous snakes there.
ETA: An article http://www.bangkok.com/magazine/snake-farm.htm
danielx
Was a cicada that got caught in a web outside the back porch last night that REALLY wanted to escape, before the spider (about a tenth the cicada’s size) showed up to do it in. It failed, although it was bouncing the web around enough to make the spider work at it for five or ten minutes before finally getting down to the simple art of murder. If cicadas weren’t driving me crazy with their racket right now I might have tried to get it loose, but…..
Betsy
@piratedan: This is a great story.
I bought a plastic blow-up snake, cheap in the “specials” bin at the local hardware store. It worked great for protecting the figs in my tree from jays and squirrels. The figs finished up a few weeks ago, so I took the snake and the netting down, and set them on a chair in the screened porch for stowing away later. Now I jump every time I go out there.
Got bit by an actual, real, rather large Northern Water Snake (non-venomous, but very hostile) several years back. Was pulling many tiny glass-like teeth out of my hand for weeks. ~shudder~
Trollhattan
@maurinsky:
Heh. In your case, snakes have been replaced by the English. ;-)
OzarkHillbilly
@raven: Love that man’s music. Been a long time since I listened to any of it tho.
John Alexander
That’s why we need to “build the wall”
WereBear
@OzarkHillbilly: That is one heckuva story.
Trollhattan
@Betsy:
Yuck. Surprised you did get an infection–reptiles don’t brush.
raven
@JCJ: The large 9th Infantry Division base camp at Dong Tam is now a snake farm.
raven
@OzarkHillbilly: Fuckin A!
Jeffro
@OzarkHillbilly:
Ok, I understand that view but don’t quite agree. Garland’s not being ‘punished’ by Obama – he’s already been denied/punished by the GOP. The GOP has essentially rejected the nomination (along with any other possible nominations), they’re just too cowardly to stand up and take a ‘no’ vote, because then Obama will just send another, and another, and the GOP senators will be exposed for what they are.
Obama can solve this by being proactive and putting them on notice that Nov 1 (or Election Eve, or whatever) is the deadline – after that, the GOP will have a different choice put forth by the incoming president, someone probably younger and probably more liberal. Obama has already put forth his choice for SCOTUS, and that person has been denied a seat. That’s certainly no reason to let the outgoing, soon-to-be-a-minority GOP senators confirm someone that they wouldn’t accept for the past ten months.
OzarkHillbilly
@Jeffro: Either way, it ain’t up to us :-( It’s Obama’s call, and I just don’t see him pulling the rug out from under Garland.
Betsy
@Trollhattan: Oh, EMS and for good measure the fire department came, and brought a physician with them. I didn’t swell up or turn purple, so they determined it was a non-venomous snake and left after an hour or so. But not before having me promise to get a tetanus shot within the next couple of days.
I suppose salmonella would be a risk, too. The small wounds bled profusely; maybe that made a difference.
Trollhattan
@Betsy:
Now that’s what I call service!
Patricia Kayden
That poor snake. Minding its own business and then suddenly attacked by vicious dogs and s shrieking human. What a life!
donnah
I just saw an article about how Ohio is working hard to repopulate lakes and ponds with Hellbender salamanders. I had never heard of them and tried to read the article without gagging, but those puppies are gross! I have their slimy, wrinkly images forever burned in my brain. I’d take a snake over a hellbender any day of the week.
Aleta
@p.a.: If one reason he’s barking is reacting to triggers (apparently some dogs over time can become triggered by almost every sound or thing), that might explain why giving treats while he’s barking didn’t work. It might actually reinforce his barking.
Don’t know if this would help in your situation. But I learned that some dogs actually need to be trained to calm down, done by positive rewarding them as soon as they stop barking and settle. It worked pretty quickly for my dog, who was adult but had never been trained. I wonder if you or a trainer could teach the dog (from your yard) to at least quiet down when he sees you in the yard, in hopes of a reward ?
Ideal world, 1-2 minute training session at least once each day, someone would give Otis a small (very delicious) treat immediately when he stops barking, but not when he barks. And on a later day, a treat when he settles down on the ground for a second. When he can do that, treats dropping from above (like from heaven) while he is remaining settled.
Not a terrier, but for my dog I used the word Hush spoken quietly to stop reactive barking, followed by a very tiny piece of cheese or chicken as soon as he stopped. He was very food motivated, and learned within a week. My understanding is that if I try to stop a dog behavior in a way that increases his stress or fear hormones (like yelling or punishment), he may stay agitated internally and not be able to learn or change. I have to repeat the positive lessons once in awhile, but very short lessons work well.
(To teach him to stop barking indoors at every noise or thing, the family would need to make each or noise or action, in gradual steps, and then reward him before he barks.)
steverinoCT
A fellow brought his albino corn snake with him to the park, while watching his kids. I was there with my grand-nieces, and of course I had to go see it. I dragged the kids along and it was quite the effort to get them near this calm thing and even touch it, while the guy had it draped across his shoulders and I was holding the head. Trying to get them to not be afraid of *every* thing.
We have a birdfeeder that used to attract the neighborhood cats; but they are in short supply now due to the gray fox in the woods behind. A snake or two in the rock wall would be just the thing to keep down the rats/chipmunks/moles/squirrels (but the wife is worse than the girls as far as snakes are concerned).
Aleta
@raven: I like Darkness Darkness.
tybee
@glory b:
i know peeps from those areas.
mom was from jax, dad from around thomasville.
Southern Beale
I just spent the most miserable 5 days of my life on the Florida panhandle, battling mosquitoes and the most gawdawful heat known to man. With our two dogs … who, poor dears, got covered in biting flies as soon as they walked out the door. Florida (at least this part, in August) is the most despicable patch of real estate I’ve ever had the misfortune of visiting.
While there I was told of a special evil known to Florida as the “miniature rattle snake.” A rattle snake so small that when it rattles, humans don’t hear it. But the fuckers still bite.
I will not be back. Ever.
satby
@Jeffro: Garland doesn’t deserve that. He’s eminently qualified and he should be confirmed.
Marko
What will it take for you to leave that red neck swamp? An alligator eats one of the dogs? Watching a snake swallow a chicken whole? Family infected with Zika? Another term for Rick Scott? Little Marco winning & whining forever? Half dozen or so Trayvons? A hurricane that puts the entire state under 6 feet of seawater?
Schlemazel
Betty. When we lived on the other side of that toilet with palm trees my bride used to catch snakes regularly. They could magically find their way into our pool enclosure. I would come home from work and she would have a rat snake or an indigo racer to show me. It is one of the things I love about her.
KlareCole
@Iowa Old Lady: I saw that. Guess they are not counting on Trump. Teehee.
BubbaDave
When I was a toddler we lived in Florida and my mom still tells the story of the time she opened the dryer and a pygmy rattler slithered out. She yelled at me to go to my room — I of course retreated exactly two steps to watch the show — and then grabbed a sidewalk edger (think flat shovel, from the days when you didn’t use a weed eater for that) and chopped the snake in half.
At which point I excitedly proclaimed, “Oh, look! One for [baby brother] and one for me!”
Cleos
That snake is probably a reptilian immigrant two counties away, trying to explain to skeptical neighbors about the zany shrieking creatures he encountered before fleeing in terror.