I used to have a clear, cube-shaped plastic bird feeder that was mounted outside on the window right next to my desk via suction cups. It was great for watching birds, and I didn’t mind that the squirrels came and gorged themselves too.
But lately, certain squirrels have come to view the feeder as their personal property. They’ll hang out inside it. Piss in it. They’ll hide out on the roof or in a nearby tree and launch themselves at any other squirrel who tries to use the feeder.
Sometimes, this causes the feeder to fall down. Other times, it causes the feeder to collide violently against the window pane as the squirrels tussle inside it.
The latter began happening so frequently I was concerned they’d bust right through the glass and a squirrel-fight would land in my lap. So when the squirrels knocked the feeder down this morning, I didn’t pick it up and replace the seed. I put the clear plastic feeder in the potting shed and deployed a more conventional hanging bird feeder from a bamboo pole.
I can still see it from where I sit, and if the squirrels are willing to work at it, they can swing it around to knock seeds out of it or hang onto a perch long enough to pilfer the contents, but Easy Street in the form of a window-mounted stationary platform is gone. And it’s the squirrels own fucking fault that it’s gone.
But the squirrels can’t accept it. They keep coming back and looking for it, crawling all over the window to try to find it. They’ll cover the screened part of the window and then hang onto the sashes, their scrabbly little claws searching the glass part in vain.
Stupid little rodents. They remind me of America. The end.
Open thread!
Jerzy Russian
Thanks a lot. Now I got distracted from what I was doing (what ever that was).
dr. bloor
Well, except for the part about squirrels understanding that weasels are their natural enemies.
Miss Bianca
“they remind me of America” – they’re NUTS!
Sorry, low-hanging fruit. Or nuts.
debbie
I once watched a squirrel scramble out of my neighbor’s recycling bin holding the largest-sized Starbucks cup with his front teeth. The was taller than the squirrel and he couldn’t hop high enough to scamper away with the cup. It was more like a Greco-Roman contest between squirrel and cup. It took the squirrel several minutes to move less than 5 feet. The cup finally was knocked into a position that the squirrel could deal with, and he scampered away with the cup up into a pine tree.
Omnes Omnibus
Speaking of rodents, there was a small mouse in my apartment this morning. It went nuts running all over the living room and climbing things. I haven’t seen it since.
realbtl
Betty, you obviously need one of these.
Mike J
They, like Onan, came to regret spilling their seed upon the ground.
Humdog
@Omnes Omnibus: You never have “one mouse”.
Well, you do, and the others you haven’t yet seen are your mice.
realbtl
FYWP just google archie mcfee squirrel feeder.
Omnes Omnibus
@Humdog: They are the landlord’s mice.
Felonius Monk
Our backyard bird feeder attracts dozens of squirrels, chipmunks, a huge fat woodchuck, rabbits, a large white skunk, a conventional skunk, large and small possums, and birds.
Betty, I guess as long as your feeder doesn’t attract a ‘gator things are good.
The Other Chuck
At least it’s not a hummingbird feeder. In the mountain towns, those are called Bear Feeders.
Miss Bianca
@Omnes Omnibus: I remember a boyfriend cornering a mouse on our kitchen counter once. There was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, as the old Motown classic would have it…so the mouse, after a desperate glance all round, launched itself straight at the bf, bounced off his belly, fell to the floor, and ran off, all before we could collect our wits. It was quite the spectacle.
That mouse deserved to get away.
Trollhattan
@realbtl:
Holy shit, is that funny! Archie is one of many things I miss not being in Seattle (anybody remember Ruby Montana’s Pinto Pony?)
Miss Bianca
@The Other Chuck: Mine are all hung on the second floor windows. Just sayin’.
jl
That a pic of one of the Cracker squirrels? If so, they look as cranky as the Cracker chickens.
Trollhattan
BTW, who doesn’t want a Twirl-A-Squirrel?
geg6
Wow, CBS is reporting a cease fire agreement between the US and Russia in Syria. Said Kerry announced it.
dedc79
I prefer your creature/american metaphor to mistermix’s because yours at least didn’t involve mass murder
p.a.
Squirrel recipes. Just sayin’…
Omnes Omnibus
@Miss Bianca: The landlord has deployed traps through the building. I, on the other hand, have a Glad refrigerator container that I am going to use to try to trap the little fucker if it appears again. If successful, I will release it into the wild.
Gin & Tonic
@geg6: Trump would have gotten a better deal, I’m sure.
patrick II
I have a glass door off of my family room. For the past couple of years there has been one squirrel that refuses to admit there is such a thing as glass. I will here a little thump, and there he is staring inside at something he evidently finds very attractive. He will wait a few moments, then give another little head butt, and then again. Somewhere after around four or five times he will give up.
eemom
@Omnes Omnibus:
Did you put cheese in it?
eemom
My daughter and her housemates at UVA had a squirrel that got into their house during winter break last year and chewed up a lot of shit. They had a hard time getting it out.
This year they’re in a different house and so far they’ve seen a bat out in the yard and a snake in the wall.
There are times I’m glad I’m old.
kindness
My dogs & cats would be launching themselves against the windows when the squirrels were on it.
raven
Joy Reid and Katy Tur just tore Jack Kingston a new asshole on the racist birther and his posse.
geg6
@kindness:
Yep. Koda and Lovey would be going insane.
farmette
Squirrels, like us all, are drawn to pattern and consistency and routine. When that changes, the former pattern must be proven to be no more and then they move on. I watched squirrel families for years in an undisturbed natural environment. I noted their family trees (no pun intended) and came to understand their familial and ritualistic ways of noting an environment, and most avidly, a food source. Rodents are bright. They teach their young. Defend other squirrels from predators and come close to those of us who offer food and a kind presence. Much like birds and dogs and cats. They will learn the new way to food but if I may suggest, place food in multiple places in your yard so they can eat without distress and pressure. Major changes are hard, like the change of a food source. To us it seems simple and silly. To animals in a limited environment of natural or proffered offerings it is stressful. Whether bug or weed or rodent or snake or others than ourselves, we need to help them all. As we know, it will surely get tougher.
JPL
@geg6: I missed the network news tonight, it would be nice to think they would, since it’s a bfd.
geg6
@raven:
Joy Reid has been doing yeoman’s work lately. Good on her. Of course, MSNBC will probably fire her. That seems to be how they deal with people of color who do their jobs a little too well.
Humdog
We have a huge spruce tree 15 feet from the living room window. The squirrels bring down a spruce cone to this small protuberant nub that sticks out of the trunk at the level of the window. My dogs can sit there for an hour watching the little bugger tear apart the cone, run up for another, bring it down to its dining table nub to feast. It just fascinates the dogs. I call it our Squirrely TV.
raven
@geg6: The cnn page says than and then you hit the link and it says it’s still in process?
Josie
Duncan, the unusually large corgi (40 lbs of muscle not fat) hates squirrels with the heat of a thousand suns. He has already killed one that did not move fast enough when I opened the back door. Now I have to bang on the sliding glass door before I open it to give all the squirrels time to skitter up the pecan trees before he gets to them. I felt really bad for the one who didn’t get away.
raven
@geg6: This was great, she jumped his ass. Katy was great too, she said that she had people come up to her at every event for 15 months and tell her about the secret muslim who snuck in the office. Jack tried to just bow it off “oh, the people I know aren’t like that”. That’s what all these fucking cracker ass motherfuckers want you to believe.
RandomMonster
The problem is the opposite — squirrels are way too fucking smart, and agile to boot.
Corner Stone
Christ on a crumpet, B Crack…don’t tell me you are going all Eeyore?
Olivia
I found a frog in my basement bathroom last week. As soon as it saw me it scampered(or whatever frogs do) into the wall opening where the pocket door is. We have had a lot of rain.The basement is dry but he may have found a way in around the sump pump.
Omnes Omnibus
@eemom: No, I am planning on tossing it over the little fucker’s head. I hold out little hope that I will be successful.
Corner Stone
@RandomMonster:
They are not smart. They never seem to be able to understand that getting 90% across the street and then reversing course at the last minute never, ever works out for them.
SiubhanDuinne
One of these days, I swear I’ll train myself not to read anything with a Betty Cracker byline while I have a mouthful of wine.
MomSense
I saw two squirrels working together to drag the suet block off after knocking the feeder off the tree and breaking through the metal so they could steal it.
OzarkHillbilly
@The Other Chuck: Around here, the bears ignore the hummingbird feeders and gorge themselves on the seed feeders.
lollipopguild
Your squirrels have read Trumps books. When I was a kid my mom would leave peanuts in the shell out on the railing of our back porch. She did this on a regular basis and one day i heard some one knocking on our back screen door. It was a squirrel on the back porch giving me the “look”.
JPL
OT OT @raven: GPB is airing a rematch of the state High School Final. Since the team that lost at state last year is over the woods and through the woods behind me, I can hear the band. It’s strange because when my sons were there, the team only went to the playoffs once, and never to the finals.
RandomMonster
Fine, not smart about roads and cars. There are no animals that are smart about traffic that I can think of, including humans. But try to design the perfect squirrel-proof bird-feeder — it’s a lot harder than you might think.
RandomMonster
@Corner Stone: Comment above was for you, Corner Stone.
JPL
@Olivia: My son found a tree frog in his toilet, at his house. He caught it and put it outside, because that’s what he would do.
Corner Stone
@RandomMonster:
Matthew Broderick already figured out the answer to that riddle. The only way to win is not to play.
Corner Stone
@RandomMonster: Unlike squirrels, I figured it out. Thanks, though.
Aleta
This summer I had an invasion of the rodents fondly known as beavers. One is unsettlingly large and sits in the shallows eating bark off branches from my fruit trees with no fear. For some reason they’ve had a population boom all along the river. The little field I have is unbuildable, but it’s a neighborhood swimming spot and canoe put in.
By the time I realized what was happening, the beavers had taken 4 producing plum trees and 6 smaller one and some lilac and a fancy Chinese maple. I hoped eventually they would learn to love the knotweed, but no. They’ve nonchalantly made two big smooth mudslick entrances from the river that are curved up on the sides like toboggan runs. I know where their house is, but they are unconcerned.
SiubhanDuinne
@geg6:
@JPL:
@raven:
Here’s the Telegraph. I looked in vain for something at the NYT.
It would be very much a big Biden deal if it holds. I look for Adam to do a comprehensive post later tonight; I am certain he’s working it up right now.
Olivia
@JPL: I would have taken the frog outside too, but he wouldn’t listen when I told him that.
raven
@JPL: I’ll be watching the Ville at the Cuze but that is cool. Also, Scarecrow with Hackman and Pacino is on TCM @10pm. Intense movie.
RandomMonster
@Corner Stone:
Actually, you conceded defeat. Thanks for playing though.
redshirt
@Omnes Omnibus: I’m currently under assault by a tiny mouse as well. It got in once, and when it saw me it went right back out the way it came in – the improperly installed storm door.
Since then I’ve kept the regular door closed, but I see that it’s still trying. It ate a whole in a draft dodger I keep between the two doors.
Just ordered some no kill traps so I can end this war.
OzarkHillbilly
@Aleta: A .22 rf would take care of that.
Miss Bianca
@Omnes Omnibus: Or you could try this model.… Country people fill up the bucket and drown ’em, but if you wish to live-trap, don’t fill with water.
redshirt
@farmette: Amen. Let’s not hate on our fellow mammals just trying to make a living.
Corner Stone
@RandomMonster: Oh, sheesh. Really? You’re going to try this on? Ok, I guess.
raven
@Miss Bianca: I had one drown in our rain barrel, I don’t know how long it was in there but it was fonky!
scav
@Corner Stone: They are rather hard-wired for slightly narrower and less metallic predators. Immediate running zigzag is a lot more successful a heuristic when faced with a non-Chevrolet.
redshirt
@Aleta: I obsessed about beavers for two years. They’re amazing creatures. I came across a damn in the middle of the forest maybe 10 feet high and 40 feet long. Massive operation. To build it, they had, over the years, built a huge delivery system from the surrounding hills, cutting down choice logs, dragging them down their trails, and then floating them in canals they made up to the dam.
I stumbled upon all this by accident, and it was awe inspiring.
They’re out there. Building.
Aleta
@OzarkHillbilly: Mostly they work as their pirate forebears did, on moonless nights, with lookouts.
Pogonip
@farmette: Squirrels are vile little beasts, causing millions of dollars in damage every year, but darn it, they are interesting to watch!
They are also great fried. And make gravy.
Miss Bianca
@Aleta: Have you girdled your trees with chicken wire? That tends to discourage them.
Corner Stone
@scav: I am hard wired for brunettes but I have yet to turn around into traffic for one. Yet, I say.
RandomMonster
@Corner Stone: Sure. And I win against all grand master chess champions because I don’t play chess. Ha!
WaterGirl
Been busy with a project all day. Have we gotten updates from efgoldman and OzarkHIllbilly yet?
Corner Stone
@Pogonip: They are kind of like dove or quail. You need quite a few to make any processing worth while.
redshirt
To defeat squirrels at your bird feeders, get a hard plastic umbrella like cover that either goes below or above the feeder depending on if it’s on a pole or hanging. As long as the squirrels can’t leap from someplace else (which they will try), they cannot defeat it.
I'mNotSureWhoIWantToBeYet
@RandomMonster: I put up a Roller Feeder a couple of weeks ago. It’ll probably pay for itself in the feed that isn’t being eaten by the squirrels.
It works amazingly well, but I’ve only see a black-capped chicadee using it so far.
Cheers,
Scott.
Roger Moore
@OzarkHillbilly:
Around here, the bears ignore both and gorge themselves on the garbage cans. Occasionally, they’ll ignore those, break into garages, and gorge themselves on the food in the refrigerators. One particularly well known bear was especially fond of Costco meatballs. Also, too, our bears are well known for enjoying hot tubs.
Roger Moore
@RandomMonster:
There are crows that have learned to drop nuts on the road and wait for cars to crack them by running them over. That seems like being pretty smart about traffic.
jharp
@Miss Bianca:
Same story with my friend trying to force a goat onto a trailer.
Goat charged and rammed him right in the chest and knocked him backwards off his feet.
OzarkHillbilly
@redshirt: Personally, i never accepted the “they were here before us” bullshit. A squirrel lives on avg 2-3 years. 4 is an old squirrel. I have been here for longer than that. I planted those tomatoes. I nurtured them. I weeded them. And I’ll be dogdamned if I am going to let some squirrelbrained bstrd come along and take 2 bites out of it and move on to the next one one day before it ripens to perfection. Just because he can. fvck that shit.
I can understand why someone would not want to kill a squirrel. I take no great pleasure in it. But I guarantee you I feel not one iota of guilt about eliminating one of the garden raiding bstrds. Everything that lives, dies, and then gets eaten, including me. And when my time comes I will not deny the sustenance of my earthly remains to those who follow.
raven
@WaterGirl: Ozark posted above. Goldie emailed someone here but they said they’d wait for him to post.
raven
@OzarkHillbilly: That and them fucking deer.
eemom
@Pogonip:
Many thousands of years ago, I had an asshole boyfriend who shot a backyard squirrel and made it into a soup. I think he was trying to impress me with his marksmanship. God, he was an idiot.
p.a.
@scav: If you change speeds- either way- it confuses the shit out of their peanut brains. But if you maintain speed they usually react well. Usually.
The Golux
@The Other Chuck:
The best way to feed hummingbirds without having to deal with other fauna is to pot up some salvia plants (blue or red, though we mostly plant blue). The hummingbirds love it, and it doesn’t attract bears (which we do have around here, and they’ve never come up on our deck).
Mike J
@Aleta:
I discovered that on a sailboat with a cutaway transom, not only is it easier for people to get on board, it is also easier for the river otters who like to get out of the water to eat and poop and enjoy the view.
It could be worse though.
Aleta
I think someone could start up a nice little organic home business just catching mice in buckets, canning them whole, and selling them as locally sourced, all-natural cat and dog food.
SiubhanDuinne
@raven:
That was me. I’m sure there’s nothing confidential, but I just don’t feel comfortable sharing even good medical news without knowledge/permission. I expect efg himself will be around before long to bring everyone up to date.
raven
@SiubhanDuinne: No explanation necessary, I just couldn’t remember who posted it.
JPL
@raven: The station is a few seconds behind so we (Finch and I) can hear the bang go off with they score before it shows on TV.
only two bangs so far..
Roger Moore
@redshirt:
That’s nothing. Scientists in Canada found a beaver dam large enough to be seen from space; the thing is half a mile long.
patrick II
@raven:
I haven’t known Joy Reid for very long, but I think I am in love.
Miss Bianca
@raven: I have never felt more inspired to flat-out murder Bambi and Thumper than when I tried to grow tomato plants outdoors. That’s when I stopped thinking of critters as cute and started to regard them as prey.
raven
@JPL: The Ville scored 2 td’s in the first 3 minutes. Yawn.
Omnes Omnibus
@Roger Moore: Has Trump contacted them about his wall yet?
OzarkHillbilly
@Aleta: I was floating down the Current river, maneuvering my canoe for the perfect presentation to the monster bass in that super sweet hole when all of a sudden….
OH.MY.FUCKING.GOD.IT’S.A.GODDAMNED.NUCLEAR.SUBMARINE.RIGHT.UNDER.MY.CANOE!!!!!!
But yes, they are largely nocturnal.
raven
@patrick II: Nice Try’: Matthews Gets Testy with GOP Rep. for Downplaying Trump’s Birtherism
Kingston also battled Joy Reid when she said views like birtherism are why Trump became more widely embraced as a political figure, and not something like trade.
Miss Bianca
@Mike J: Holy crap! I had no idea otters could be that vicious!
OzarkHillbilly
@WaterGirl: Update: Still alive. Shoulder still fvcked up. Still haven’t heard from the doc. (which I hope means it’s not so bad I need surgery) Got to wait till Monday.
JPL
@raven: The game I’m watching might be more exciting. just sayin One of Roswells or Colquitt players will probably go to UGA next year.
redshirt
@Roger Moore: I’ve heard of that and am not surprised. If left completely alone, I’m not sure there’s any size limit to what beavers could build.
I lived in a cabin in the woods for a couple of years and there were beavers all over. Hiking every day with the dog, I started making maps, and thus completely explored what I called “Beaver Wasteland” aka the area they had flooded with their dam. I’m sure the other animals didn’t mind it, but for me it was a no go land due to how wet it was. It forced me to go waaay out of the way on my hikes.
raven
@Miss Bianca: Nasty varmits.
JPL
@OzarkHillbilly: My mom and yours probably too, said no news is good news.
Hopefully, efg and mrs efg are exhausted after a long 30 hours and are just resting.
Aleta
@Mike J: I had no idea they were that fierce. A female defending her young?
In your case, how long was the boat unattended before the otters made themselves at home?
redshirt
@OzarkHillbilly: I don’t blame you, but I don’t blame them either. Critters got to eat, and tasty tomatoes just hanging there? Perfect.
raven
@JPL: Can’t be less exciting, both college game are dogs.
RandomMonster
@Roger Moore:
No doubt about that. Crows are amazing.
Not really debating your point, but on two separate occasions I inadvertently killed a magpie (also a corvid, and pretty smart) feasting on something in the road. I just like @scav’s point that survival against a Chevrolet shouldn’t be a great measure of an animal’s intelligence. Again, humans manage to be incredibly stupid about a system we ourselves designed.
OzarkHillbilly
@redshirt:
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…. You gotta meet one particular squirrel I have. The little bstrd will NOT GIVE UP. He has found a way around damn near every anti squirrel device I have constructed and the few he can’t get around? He makes sure nothing else can get the goodies he is denied. I really admire the little bstrd.
Omnes Omnibus
@Miss Bianca: They are in the weasel family, like weasels, badgers, and wolverines. They are just cuter and more playful when not killing.
I'mNotSureWhoIWantToBeYet
@OzarkHillbilly: rofl.
Part of our subdivision is on a creek. One evening shortly after sunset I noticed a big blob moving around the bushes of a house near the creek. It was big! It must have been over 60 pounds. Lots of pelt on that one – maybe 3-4 hats worth, or more!
Cheers,
Scott.
redshirt
@RandomMonster: True, but I find it interesting which animals can recognize cars and which have no idea. Crows and ravens are the masters. Squirrels get it, but sometimes too late. Deer and porcupine seemingly have no clue.
WaterGirl
@raven: Do you know which thread? I just did a search in all the threads I haven’t read yet and didn’t see anything.
raven
@WaterGirl: It was SiubhanDuinne
redshirt
@OzarkHillbilly: I have one squirrel I call Einstein because he/she seems demonstrably smarter then the other squirrels that gather around my feeders. Maybe you’ve got a super Einstein.
That said, I don’t see how a squirrel can defeat the plastic umbrella. They can’t climb it, they can’t get a hold, and it completely blocks access to the feeder. If there was nothing else they could leap from (15 foot radius), they’re not getting to the feeder.
WaterGirl
@OzarkHillbilly: Thanks. So “still haven’t heard from the doc” means you got in today (or maybe it was yesterday) and maybe got x-rays or a cat scan and he didn’t call you right away for emergency surgery, so we’re hoping that’s a good sign. I’ll go with that.
Edit: because waiting is so much fun!
Mike J
@Aleta:
I’ve seen them getting on one boat while I was passing by to get on the boat two mooring balls down. Nobody had been on the boat the otter used at all that day, but the otters use it several times a week.
RandomMonster
@I’mNotSureWhoIWantToBeYet: Roller Feeder looks pretty cool!
-David
WaterGirl
@raven: thanks
Aleta
@OzarkHillbilly: I’m sure it was close to boarding your bark when it spied your .22 caliber musket and thought better of engaging you.
OzarkHillbilly
@redshirt: I don’t blame them, I just eliminate them. Right now I have an overabundance of the little bstrds, but they have stayed out of the garden so I have felt no need to take action.
Aleta
@Mike J: So otters time share.
RandomMonster
@redshirt:
Obligatory Seinfeld quote: “We have NO deal with them!”
Omnes Omnibus
@Aleta: Carefree Boat Club.
OzarkHillbilly
@WaterGirl: Sorry, saw the doc on Wednesday, got the MRI the same day, supposed to hear from him by Friday, if not supposed to call. I did, he’d already left for the day. Was supposed to hear back from the PRN, never did. That is the only thing that has me nervous, that she did not call back.
Miss Bianca
@Omnes Omnibus:
For some reason this made me crack up.
farmette
@redshirt:
So much is leaving us so quickly. Things we take and took for granted. I figure help them out. I love that the late summer air is loud with crickets. There is no hardship or sad self isolating existence to the caring. Just a knowing that in a snap! they may be gone.
Aleta
@OzarkHillbilly: Could also be that the most serious cases are at the top of the list to call first and schedule. So if time ran out on Fri, the less serious ones would not get called.
WaterGirl
@OzarkHillbilly: Thanks for the update! Been working on two unexpected projects this week so I am totally behind on BJ.
So frustrating for you to still be in the dark. Hoping right along with you that surgery won’t be needed!
redshirt
@farmette: So you actually, intentionally feed the squirrels?
Aleta
@I’mNotSureWhoIWantToBeYet: I have a small notebook of an ancestor from around 1830. He used it in the summer to record the quarts of berries he had picked for sale, and in the winter to record each beaver he trapped and how much he sold it for. It was in the low cents.
amk
sic the snake on them.
Juju
I don’t feed birds and squirrels as we have a lot of natural food for them to forage, but I did hear about special bird seeds and suet that is flavored with chili pepper. Apparently birds don’t have taste buds and they can eat the suet and seeds without a problem, but squirrels hate spicy food. Who knew? Also, if you’ve ever dealt with squirrels in your attic, you lose all affection you may have had for them. They are destructive little critters.
debbie
@OzarkHillbilly:
I hate when that happens. Take it easy this weekend. No barn lifting.
farmette
@Pogonip</a@Pogonip:
We cause much more damage on any given day than any army of squirrels or other creatures. We like to isolate facts and then aggregate the random data. Create the enemy de jour. Current political theater as example.
Mike J
@Omnes Omnibus: My club is a better deal, but we have fewer boats. We’re a community oriented non profit, no full time staff. $350/yr/family for unlimited usage, take a dinghy for an afternoon or a cruiser for a week.
farmette
@redshirt:
If I see them about, yes.
Omnes Omnibus
@Mike J: I found the number of locations they have nationwide to be interesting.
dexwood
@Juju:
Squirrels in the attic? Check, been here, done that. Squirrels under the hood of a car eating spark plug wire insulation? Check, Chickens eating chile seeds and veins. Yeah, my hens have no problem.
pluky
@Miss Bianca: They are mustelids (weasels, ferrets, wolverines, etc. Note the bold on wolverines.
Pogonip
@farmette: I can’t speak for how much damage anyone else causes, but I myself don’t do near as much as your average squirrel.
But they are great fried.
Pogonip
@Juju: I keep hoping the lady 2 houses away with a damn squirrel feeder will end up with a nice, expensive attic infestation. That would be poetic justice. Nobody on our end of the street can grow anything because of her and her fucking squirrels. (The new neighbors tried, lost, shrugged, and bought those electronic flowers that light up at night.)
Juju
@dexwood: I’ve never had squirrels under the hood of my car, that I know of, but I did have mud wasps build a nest on a fairly expensive fuel intake something something in my Subaru engine. It cost me $400 to have repaired. Mud wasps are also now on my sh*t list.
Pogonip
@dexwood: Well, I guess Madame Squirrely is at least providing the fluffy-tailed rats with something more appetizing than car wiring.
I still hope she gets an attic full of them.
Juju
@Pogonip: I also feel that way about seagulls. They are nothing but flying rats.
Pogonip
@eemom: There is a regional (Southern?) dish called Brunswick stew that calls for squirrels, chickens, and various veggies. Maybe that’s what he was trying for.
The Pale Scot
@OzarkHillbilly:
Gonna go the Tibetan Sky Burial route? Cool
Pogonip
@Juju: we had a wasp nest under the mailbox. After one stung the mailman it cost $140 to exterminate the brutes. (The wasps, not the postal personnel.) We figured that was cheaper than getting sued.
Pogonip
@The Pale Scot: I myself plan for a procession right through the middle of town, flag at full staff (probably the only day of the year that will happen), breathless cable news coverage, and, in general, a fine show that everyone will enjoy except me. Ain’t it always the way.
Pogonip
@The Pale Scot: Now that I think about it, a mass sacrifice of squirrels to make Brunswick stew for the poor would also be fitting.
Pogonip
Also, as long as we are on this topic, squirrel lovers may wish to visit a head doctor–oops, I mean visit Kent, Ohio. Before it became infamous for the unpleasantness there in ’70 or ’71, it was famous for black squirrels. They’re still there and they’re pretty.
I’ve never seen a black squirrel out here in Pogonip Podunk, but we get a fair number of white, non-albino ones, and one year we had a white one with a gray tail.
The Pale Scot
@Pogonip: I’m visiting in NJ, the house is miles away from the Wachung Reservation. Never the less there are at least 4 deer are camping out in a 100 yd stretch of undeveloped land and raiding the countryside from it.
I told my BIL he should convert his tool shed to an abattoir and trap them one at a time and make some sausage.
They have a great slightly out of focus picture of their 6 mo old scottie at the end of her tether warding off a group. Cause they’re her shrubs now
Miss Bianca
@Pogonip: We had black ones in Grosse Pointe, outside of Detroit, where I grew up. I didn’t realize they were uncommon till I moved away.
Out here in CO, we have what a friend of mine calls “vampire squirrels” – they’re black squirrels with long, pointy, tufty ears, like a vampire bat. The most stylin’ ones have silvery tails.
I'mNotSureWhoIWantToBeYet
@Aleta: Neat. I think it’s always fascinating to come across things like that.
On the price – isn’t that always how it goes? The person who toils and sweats to “produce” the raw material gets a tiny fraction of the final price.
Thanks.
Cheers,
Scott.
Alan Barney
@eemom: I had girl friend who did that. I hope they found each other.
JustRuss
Having read, and lived, Who Moved My Cheese?, I feel for the little bastards. But don’t worry little dudes, polish up your resumes and hit the pavement, you’ll land in a better place.
Calming Influence
YUr dUM.
Sined teh skwirls.
Uncle Cosmo
@Omnes Omnibus: I actually managed to do this, once, with a large pickle jar back in the late 1970s.
The kitchen in my apartment (3rd floor of an 1890s-era townhouse in uptown Baltimore) was long & narrow, with all the appliances & cabinets along one wall & drop shelf made of a lauan door on hinges & chains along the other. The drop shelf had accumulated empty glass bottles until it resembled a cross between the Manhattan skyline & the Fortress of Solitude.
I walked in one day to find a field mouse behind the bottles in the middle of the glass skyline, S/he had no idea which way to run & just froze. Very, very carefully I lifted that pickle jar & positioned it at one end of the door/shelf, then reached over & rattled the bottles toward the other end. The mouse took off in the opposite direction, launched itself into space, & banged into the bottom of the pickle jar. I screwed on the top & took it down to release it into the wilds of uptown Bawlmer.
David Byron Hopson
Squirrels are rats with bushy tails and great PR agents.